Chapter Text
Jisung bends over the toilet and throws up for the second time since he arrived at the bar. The acidic taste of bile fills his mouth with saliva once again, and he whines in pain.
“Whose idea was it to take tequila shots?” There’s sweat dampening his fringe, and he pushes the hair away from his face.
“Yours.” Felix says from above. He caresses Jisung's back, even though the smell of vomit makes him nauseous as well.
“Shit, you should've stopped me.” Jisung gets up, feeling better after vomiting. He's still pretty much drunk but his stomach isn't trying to kill him anymore.
He washes his face and mouth on the sink, drinking some even though the water there looks kind of suspicious - he's too over the edge to actually care about it. Felix follows him out of the stuffy bathroom and back to their table where their other friends were previously waiting for them, but no one is there anymore.
They met at this bar to celebrate the end of the university semester, and the place has been slowly filling up with people dancing and enjoying the warm night out. The bright and colorful lights along with the loud music make Jisung's body tremble in excitement, even though five minutes ago it was responsible for worsening the turmoil in his stomach and making him feel dizzy.
“Do you want some water?” Felix touches Jisung's lower back, shouting over the loud music.
“Please, and some gum too.” He slurs, sitting back down and resting his head on top of his arms on the table. The metal of the table is cold where it touches his skin, someone must have dropped their drink there at some point, but Jisung is so out of it that he doesn't care about his face or arms getting sticky with alcohol.
He closes his eyes for a second as Felix leaves, but reopens them immediately when a hand touches his hair. He takes a few seconds to focus on the person standing next to him, but smiles warmly when Seungmin tilts his head in concern.
“Are you okay?” He mouths, or yells. It's impossible to hear anything over the upbeat music. Jisung nods, so as to not make him worry. It's a celebration after all, he doesn't want to ruin anyone's night just because he had too much to drink, although he wishes he could drink more.
Seungmin hums, shaking his head and checking his phone. He is Jisung's best friend for a reason, and that includes trusting him to say when he's done partying and just wants to go home.
“I'll be right back.” He tells him, typing something away. He looks above the heads on the dance floor, seemingly looking for someone. “If you need anything just text me.”
“Aye aye captain.” Jisung waves Seungmin away. The nausea hasn’t fully left yet, but he keeps his head up in case Felix gets back with his water.
Jisung had been really looking forward to this party. Finals week was rough on him; he barely survived the endless nights having meals consisting of instant noodles and energy drinks, just so he could have enough time to study. Going home early is not an option when Jisung spent so much time waiting to finally enjoy his night out with his friends.
He straightens his posture, feeling his back bones pop. Felix is probably stuck in the line to buy drinks, and the last time they both got separated, Jisung somehow ended up in a drinking contest and everything after the fourth shot of pure vodka was a blur. So yeah, he better just stay in place and wait for his friend to get back.
Boredom is starting to get the best out of him. He ducks his head down again, just feeling the music thrumming in his ears and debating on whether or not he should go home because of the constant nausea, when finally someone sits down in front of him.
“Hey, pretty. May I buy you a drink?”
Jisung rolls his eyes. His plans did not involve a one night stand whatsoever, so he looks up to tell this person that he's not interested, except when he locks eyes with the person, his words die down in his throat. That mischievous smile is something Jisung couldn't forget even if he tried, paired with the sharp features and bold attitude, he’s one hundred percent sure the person in front of him is someone that he has always struggled to keep out of his mind.
But, he's different. So different from the last time Jisung saw him - two… three years ago? He's not sure. Jisung isn’t wearing his glasses since they would ruin his outfit, so this whole thing could just be a trick that his drunken mind is trying to play on him. His eyes wander around the boy's face and Jisung gulps down nervously.
“Jeongin? Is that you?”
Jeongin laughs loudly at him. His mouth opens slightly and where metal bars were supposed to be, there are only rows of pearl white, aligned teeth. Jisung blinks confusedly.
“Yes, hyung. It's me. I thought you wouldn't recognize me.” He smiles, shining his gleaming teeth and - Jisung swears he's not imagining this, it brightens the dim place where they’re sitting like a flashlight.
“What are you doing here? How did you find me? Where have you been all this time?” He shoots all the questions that have been bothering him ever since he moved out of his hometown. “ What happened to you?”
Last time they saw each other, they were both teenagers at the peak of puberty, with annoying and itchy facial hair, high pitched voices that cracked all the time and so much self consciousness about their bodies that it was impossible for them to approach girls, or boys, seeing as Jisung found out not much later that they were his target audience. Not that it made any difference, since he never gathered enough courage to get a boyfriend.
But looking at Jeongin now, Jisung barely recognizes him. He looks… handsome. Hot, even. His hair that used to fall on his eyes all the time is now bright blonde and styled to frame his sharp face, and it suits him so fucking well. The white shirt he's wearing is unbuttoned, showing part of his collarbones and the tight jeans bring attention to his toned legs. Jisung can't help but wonder how puberty really hit him like a truck. The little boy that used to follow him around after school like a puppy is all grown up and… wow. Jisung feels himself burning up in guilt for thinking about his friend in a not very friendly way for a second. He needs to control his brain to not swerve to improper thoughts.
“Well, I moved in pretty much yesterday. I'm here to start university and Seungmin hyung and I planned this to catch you off guard.” Jeongin rests his chin on his hand, watching Jisung intently with those piercing eyes of him like he’s reading Jisung's mind and knows the debate he's having with himself.
“Seungminnie knew about that?” He’s flabbergasted. His best friend hid some pretty important information from him and proceeded to disappear among the crowd so as to avoid the consequences.
“Yes, we're sharing an apartment.”
“Wow. I feel betrayed.”
Jeongin snorts in that way that has always made him look kind of goofy. Watching him from this close, Jisung can see little details about him that didn't disappear with time. He's older now, obviously, but it feels like barely any time has passed.
“Anyways, hyung. Let's catch up on the time that we lost.” He says, a mischievous glint in his eyes showing that he in fact still is the little boy that dared him to eat mentos and drink coca-cola at the same time. - Jisung has yet to forgive Jeongin for making him end up in the E.R with soda dripping from his nose.
“What is there to catch up with, Jeonginnie?” Jisung sighs. “I've been the same since high school, nothing interesting has happened in my life.”
“I disagree, hyung. You look hotter now.”
Completely caught off guard, Jisung huffs a nervous laugh.
“You've gotten bolder.” He can’t get his brain to work properly. The alcohol is numbing his shyness and his mouth filter has been gone since his third drink.
Jeongin thrums his fingers on the table, never averting his gaze from Jisung. The intensity of his stare makes Jisung feel self conscious about everything - the way his hair is all messed up, his breath stinks, his clothes are wrinkled and how he probably looks like he just came back from the war.
Well, he did. The war against the toilet.
“I didn't, actually. I’m just pointing out the obvious.” Jeongin smirks. “There's no reason for me to lie.”
Jisung's heart threatens to jump out of his chest from how hard it's beating. He feels the urge to look around him to make sure Jeongin isn’t talking to someone else, but his eyes are locked onto his face. Even if he can't really focus his vision, Jisung knows he's got that look that makes him feel like prey. Maybe it's the alcohol making a mess out of his feelings, but just thinking about how it would feel like to have Jeongin to himself turns him on.
They stare at each other for a few moments, and Jisung feels the awkwardness lingering over them. It isn't until Felix comes back that they stop with the staring contest, and the attention is shifted to his friend.
“Sungie, I brought the water and som- Oh, hello there.” He looks between Jisung and Jeongin, raising an eyebrow at them.
“Felix, this is my childhood friend, Jeongin.” Jisung introduces them, hoping Felix would get the telepathic S.O.S he's sending through their shared empathy bond.
He doesn't.
“Jeongin, as in Seungminnie's new roommate?” Felix sits down, handing Jisung his water and gum.
“So you knew about it?”
“Well, yes.” Felix watches as Jisung drinks his water like he just crossed the Sahara desert by foot. “He told me they were friends, but I didn't know you also knew him.”
“Jisung-hyung has always had a bad memory.” Jeongin comments, stealing one of the gums from the packet.
“Alright, it's great to finally meet you, Jeongin! Hope we can become friends too.” Sweet Felix answers, smiling brightly to the boy. “Let's go dance some more, we could introduce him to the rest of our friends.”
Jisung slumps some more into his seat, before eyeing his friend helplessly.
“I actually wanna stay a little longer, you two can go.”
It doesn't take much convincing to do so, although Jeongin seems like he wants to stay as well, Jisung convinces him he's gonna meet them soon. He drinks his water to distract himself from the sudden rush of adrenaline in his bloodstream, having too much information to digest.
He can see them from his spot. Felix is talking overly excited to Changbin about something Jisung can't make out, and Jeongin is next to them, smiling politely while sipping a beverage. It's weird. Jisung remembers him as a little boy following him after school and always looking at him like he hung the stars in the sky. This new Jeongin is so different, walking confidently like he knows he's hot and anyone with eyes would fall to their knees if he spared a look. He's also a few centimetres taller than Felix himself, and it intimidates Jisung to no end, since they have the same height and he would have to look up to talk to Jeongin.
It's hard to accept that he's a grown man now. Watching as he laughs at something his friends said, Jisung can't help but realize he's so attracted to him, he doesn't know how to act like a normal person. That's why his first reaction was so weird, Jeongin's intimidating aura made his knees weak and Jisung doesn't like the way he’s feeling about a childhood friend, especially one he saw as a little brother until they parted ways.
Jeongin would probably think he's disgusting for thinking he's attractive the first time they see each other, as if Jisung is some type of beast unable to control his desires and succumbing to lust the moment he sees someone that makes his pupils dilate.
“You're staring.” Jisung is taken away from his slumber when Seungmin finally comes back from God-knows-where and takes the seat previously occupied by Jeongin.
“No, I'm not.” He answers, eyes still glued to Jeongin's form among the crowd.
“You know, he talked a lot about you.” Seungmin hums, watching as Jisung's attention immediately turns to him. “He would fuck you, if you asked.”
Jisung almost chokes on his own saliva upon hearing that.
“What the fuck? Why would I even want something like that?”
Seungmin shrugs, like this is a discussion about tacos being considered hot-dogs and not about his mind reading powers.
“I saw the way you were looking at him. He grew up well, it's a normal reaction, I'd say.”
“So would you fuck him?”
It takes a couple seconds for Seungmin to answer, like it's a question he's been thinking over.
“He's not my type, I like the buff ones.”
From the way he eats Changbin with his eyes, Jisung already suspected that.
“He was my friend- I mean, he is my friend. We were practically brothers back then.”
“I don't think he sees it that way. He's been obsessed with you for a long time, it was time for you to surrender.”
Jisung’s eyes fly back to Jeongin, now dancing with Felix on the dance floor. He looks kind of out of place next to a professional dancer, but his moves are confident and he seems to be enjoying himself.
“I don't think I could ever stop seeing him as my little brother, it feels almost like incest to even consider having anything with him.”
“Oh, so you can excuse tentacle sex but you draw the line at incest.”
Jisung throws a crumpled napkin at his friend, offended. “Yah, you promised me you’d never bring that up again.”
Another shrug from Seungmin is followed by a laugh. He gets up from the seat and holds Jisung's hand, coercing him to get up as well and follow him to the dance floor.
“Let's just enjoy the night. You're overthinking, and tonight is meant to be fun.” He yells over the music, now even louder than before. The song playing makes Jisung feel all sorts of nauseous, but he tries to join Seungmin's drunken excitement, dancing around like fools. They always had this sort of competition between them, who has the ability to embarrass the other the quickest, and with the way he's moving like he just got electrocuted, Seungmin is winning. “But don't think I won't say ‘I told you so’ when you guys eventually end up fucking.”
And from then on, everything starts to blur together. Jisung thinks he convinced Seungmin to go for another round of drinks to distract himself and stop looking in Jeongin's direction, but the more he gets intoxicated, the more he craves his attention. He remembers for a second about how he was feeling nauseous earlier, but everything feels numb, and Jisung is enjoying the party, dancing with his friends.
When he stops paying attention to Seungmin to look out for Jeongin for the fourth time, his friend huffs, annoyed.
“If you so desperately want his attention, go talk to him. Or kiss him for all I care.”
Before Jisung even has the chance to reply to that, Seungmin twirls him in place, like they're the only people on the dancefloor. It makes his stomach remember it just emptied itself not too long ago, although now it's full of alcohol again. Seungmin then pushes Jisung lightly before he even has a chance to complain and he loses balance, hitting a wall of concrete behind him.
“Ouch, are you alright hyung?” The wall asks, holding Jisung by the waist.
He doesn't need to turn around to see who's holding him, the obscenely big hands practically engulfing his body are enough to know. Jisung jumps away from the touch, glaring at Seungmin who's smirking mischievously like he planned this.
“Yes, Jeongin.” He says, finally turning around and facing… Jeongin's mouth. His growth spurt is one of the things Jisung has yet to get used to. He averts his gaze to Jeongin's eyes before he has the wrong idea. “I'm fine.” The last sentence is said almost like a whisper.
It's like Jisung loses control over his own body. In one moment, he's thinking about how it's impossible to feel attracted to his childhood friend, and in the other, he's throwing up again, this time on said friend's shoes.
What a way to end the night.
💋
Jisung wakes up in his bed, feeling like a billion trucks ran him over while he was asleep. The rest of the night after he ruined Jeongin's shoes was a blur, except for the moment when he cried on Felix's shoulder the entire ride back home from embarrassment, since the throbbing pain in his head is a reminder of how dehydrated he is.
He groans, not feeling like moving - or leaving his house ever again, but eventually his bladder threatens to explode, so Jisung gets up and just about crawls to the bathroom. He thought he was fairly sober after throwing up so much, but apparently the shock of seeing Jeongin, and then embarrassing himself in front of him only masked the real effects of the alcohol in his system. Now he's paying the price for it.
There's noise in the kitchen, which means some of his roommates are already up - hopefully cooking something that will appease his stomach. Jisung doesn't even bother with greetings as he walks in, immediately going to the fridge to get as much water in his body as possible.
“Rough night?” Someone says behind him, amusement evident in their voice.
“Don't even wanna start.” Jisung turns around to face Minho, the only person that wakes up early without any reason.
He smiles sympathetically, pushing a plate of pancakes in front of Jisung. The food is amazing, as expected. Minho watches as Jisung inhales everything without even taking breaks to breathe, and then, he talks.
“Felix had a hard time bringing you home yesterday.”
Jisung hums noncommittally. He would need to buy his friend lunch as an apology for putting up with him the whole night.
“You said some interesting stuff too, about someone…” Minho takes a few seconds to think. “What was the name again? Jon… Jeongin?”
At the mention of the name, Jisung lowers his fork and stares at Minho like a deer caught in the headlights. “What did I say about Jeongin?”
“Just that you met him at the party and you’ve never seen someone so attractive.” The smirk on Minho's face shows that he thoughtfully enjoyed Jisung's misery. “Also that you threw up on him.”
Jisung bangs his head on the table, praying to any and all deities up there to end his anguish. “God, I'm never drinking again, why did I have to embarrass myself like that?”
Minho snorts.
“So you wanna talk about this Jeongin guy you met? What made him so special?”
“Hyung…” Jisung whines. “He's my childhood friend. He suddenly came back and I was caught off guard, and like, it's embarrassing to talk about this.”
“Alright.” Minho surrenders. “It's not like you have to tell me every detail about your love life. Just let me know when he's over so I have time to get my stuff and sleep at Chan's.”
“You-” Jisung says, baffled. “Nothing is gonna happen between us, why is everyone saying that?”
“Because I know you.”
Jisung refuses to answer that. He gets up from the table, leaving his mess for Minho to clean, and goes back to his room, planning a well deserved nap. The moment he steps inside, still hearing Minho's laugh from the other room, Jisung remembers about Jeongin's ruined shoes and curses himself.
He promised he would buy him a new pair, but thinking about going out in this state only makes him not want to. It's not like he’s desperate to see Jeongin that early after making a fool of himself in front of the boy that always looked up to him. Jisung would never forgive himself for his actions, and Jeongin probably thinks he's stupid or ugly - something like that.
Being on his bed overthinking about what Jeongin thinks of him doesn't help at all. He fumbles with his bed sheets, feeling an unnerving anxiety creeping up his body like a spider crawling up its web to devour its prey. His brain conjures a billion scenarios, none of them with a happy ending, and Jisung decides it's enough, he's going out to at least distract himself.
Even when Minho looks at him suspiciously as he makes his way to the front door, Jisung’s confident walk doesn’t cease until the mall is staring back at him in all its humongous glory.
Shopping is not Jisung's favorite activity. Felix is the one who enjoys walking around stores and trying on new stuff, but Jisung really prefers staying home and ordering all he needs online. Unfortunately, this time he forces himself to endure the mall and the limited options for a new pair of shoes.
He doesn't know Jeongin's style. It’s hard to pick something based solely on how he was dressed the night before. Jisung found Jeongin's instagram and was about to check all his photos - the only purpose being to figure out what he usually wears, he was not stalking! But he accidentally liked an old post without even following him, so his phone is turned off in his pocket and he refuses to look at it.
After what seems like an hour, Jisung finally finds something that looks pretty. It's a nice pair and not too expensive - he's still a broke college student after all. He finally leaves the mall, taking a relieved breath as soon as he steps outside. Crowded places will always be his worst nightmare.
For his second mission of the day - doing a bunch of walking and thinking with a hangover was the worst idea he’s ever had -, Jisung makes his way to Seungmin’s (and now also Jeongin's) apartment. They live relatively close to the mall so the walk is not exhausting for Jisung's poor body.
He doesn't let them know he's coming over, being almost an unofficial roommate from how much time he spends there with Seungmin, but the moment he raises his hand to knock on the door, Jisung hesitates.
Jeongin is there. Doing something. He doesn't even know what. Jisung doesn't know Jeongin anymore like he used to, and that's… unsettling. It doesn't feel right. Maybe all this anxiety he's feeling when he's around him is because Jeongin is now an unpredictable force, someone that entices Jisung’s primal instincts and makes him doubt his own sanity. A danger to have around.
He knocks on the door.
Seungmin greets him with a raised eyebrow. Not at Jisung’s presence but because he never knocks before invading his house.
“I'm assuming you're here to see Jeongin.” He says, eyes following Jisung as he sits down on the couch like he owns the place.
“I bought him new shoes.” He raises the bag in his hand, but Seungmin doesn't seem impressed.
“I'll go get him. Wait here.”
“Don't tell me what to do.”
Jisung stays in place until he hears conversation in another room, then a laugh, doors closing and footsteps. He waits until Jeongin is in front of him to lift his head up from the spot on the floor that seemed really intriguing, and almost immediately chokes on his own saliva.
Jeongin is leaning on the doorframe, a smug smile splattered on his face and arms crossed against his chest. Oh, his chest. Jisung takes a few seconds to rewire his brain because Jeongin is shirtless. If he was having a mental battle over his attractiveness, now Jisung is down on the floor, surrendering before his enemy. The war is lost.
Jisung knows he's blushing from the heat emanating from his skin. His face is burning up but he can't take his eyes off of Jeongin’s body. His skin is lightly tanned as if he spends a considerable amount of time under the sun, a honey-like color that goes all the way down to the waistband of the gray sweatpants he's wearing. His arms are toned, like he goes to the gym but isn't that dedicated, his collarbones practically pop out of the skin and his abs are so defined, Jisung finds himself having to wipe drool from his face.
“Hey, hyung.” Jeongin greets, still smiling. “My eyes are up here.”
“Yah, Yang Jeongin!” Jisung gets up from his seat, the shame of getting caught burning his lungs and throat as if he swallowed steaming lava. “Have some manners.”
The other boy hums, getting close to Jisung slowly as if he’s a skittish cat that would run away at the slightest movement.
He’s right, he would.
“Alright, let's pretend you were not staring at my body, if that’s what helps you sleep at night.” The cheeky smile is back on his face. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
The bag Jisung is carrying feels weighted as if he was carrying the entire world in his hands, and without making eye contact, he gives it to Jeongin.
He looks curious about its contents, and the devilish smile turns into a soft one with an expression of genuine surprise on his face.
“You bought me… new shoes?”
Jisung scratches the back of his head. “I ruined your other ones. I felt bad.”
“Hyung.” Jeongin drops the bag, holding the pair of shoes in his hands like it's his most treasured possession. “You didn't have to.”
In that moment, their eyes cross paths and Jisung sees it. The little boy Jeongin used to be, the one who would cry until his mom begrudgingly let him sleep over at Jisung's, and then, beg to join him on his bed, scared to sleep by himself. Jeongin, who would hide behind Jisung every time the older boys at school made fun of him because he knew Jisung would fight anyone to protect him. That little boy was there, still the same but all grown up. And Jisung could see it, the glint in his eyes is the same as it was all those years ago, even though now Jeongin doesn’t need to hide behind him or hug him in his sleep in fear of monsters.
“It's okay, I wanted to.” He answers, way softer than intended.
They linger there awkwardly. Jisung has no idea of what to say and Jeongin doesn't seem interested in filling the silence. He tries on the shoes and - luckily - they fit perfectly. It's a nice pair of shoes, Jisung knows he has great taste in fashion and Jeongin seems to agree.
He feels the need to say something, anything even, but his mind is blank. Jisung just stays in place looking at Jeongin like a lost puppy, but he doesn't notice the turmoil going on inside his head. Their gazes meet once again, and it's like a charge of high voltage energy darts between them. Jisung’s breath hitches.
“I-” He starts speaking, but is immediately interrupted when Seungmin stomps into the room with his hand covering his eyes.
“Are you guys decent?” He asks, although it's clear he's peeking through his fingers.
“Stop being an idiot, hyung.” Jeongin rolls his eyes fondly. “We wouldn't fuck in the living room without inviting you.”
“Ew. I'm not into twinks.”
“You're the twinkiest out of all of us.”
Jisung watches the back and forth between his childhood friends with a heavy lump in his throat. They kept in touch even after all this time while he hid from the past and acted as if he could have gotten a new personality as soon as he moved to another city. He regrets not calling Jeongin when he was away like he promised, and now this regret sits down in his guts, making him feel out of place next to them.
In the end, Seungmin sits down on the couch next to Jisung and convinces everyone to watch a new drama he's into. Jeongin gets a shirt - Jisung tries to act as if he's not disappointed by that, and they let Seungmin talk their ears off about the show, exchanging eventual glances when he starts ranking characters based on how ugly they are when they cry.
Spending time with both of his friends makes Jisung think about when they used to hang out in his house, watching cartoons all afternoon and then playing pretend in the backyard until his friends’ parents would come get them. It's a nice memory of his childhood, and Jisung smiles to himself.
During the entire time they're sitting together on the couch, listening to Seungmin's random blabbering, Jeongin makes sure at least one part of his body is touching Jisung's. It's subtle, like a touch of thighs, a brush of arms, or leaning into his personal space while laughing. Jisung is extremely aware of their closeness, and can't help but feel nervous, Jeongin doesn't seem to mind or even notice that, placing his hand fully on Jisung's thigh when Seungmin paused the episode once again to explain the relationship of the couple on the screen.
He doesn't move his hand, but Jisung feels the warmth of his touch in his entire body, like his blood is made out of liquid fire, burning all the way through from head to toe. It's an innocent touch, Jeongin barely acknowledging the way his fingers press lightly on Jisung's bare skin, but he feels his heart racing every time his hand twitches, tentatively strengthening its hold. Jisung knows it's a matter of time until he starts sweating profusely.
“I should get going.” He says, making his friends turn to look at him.
“Why?” Jeongin asks, concern in his eyes.
“I still have a hangover and… promised Minho hyung I would watch Sailor Moon with him today.” The last part isn't a complete lie, although they only watch anime on Friday nights and Wednesday afternoons, Jeongin doesn't have to know that.
He visibly deflates at that. “Alright, hyung.”
“We were about to reach a very important scene!” Seungmin complains, not aware of the chaos happening inside Jisung's head.
Jeongin snorts, removing his hand from Jisung's thigh. The warmth is gone instantly, and despite the nervousness of earlier, it feels wrong.
“Sorry.” Jisung says, kind of in a rush. “We can catch up later.”
And without looking back at his friends’ confused faces, he leaves the house.