Chapter Text
Astarion had always had an appreciation for a bit of dramatic irony. Of course, it was mostly enjoyable when it was happening to other people, but there was a certain poetry that he could appreciate even when his own life was the subject. He had once managed a laugh, albeit a bitter one, upon finding out that his freedom from Cazador would come at the cost of transforming into a horrid tentacle monster.
He had no such laughs now. And oh, how ironic it was that he had avoided the terrible fate of ceremorphosis, only to still see his life utterly destroyed in a completely different yet equally devastating way. One moment there was talk of a party to celebrate their victory, and the next he had been diving for the familiar sanctuary of the shadows once the light had begun to unravel him like a frayed piece of cloth. Tav had started after him, only to be pulled back by Karlach’s heart wrenching cry.
Astarion had caught her eye for one, long, awful moment as she looked over her shoulder at him, her mouth forming a single word. Astarion couldn’t hear it, but he knew what it was all the same.
Sorry
Tav, who had been his first friend. Tav, who had been the one to save him from Cazador. Tav, who had protected him and accepted him as he was, fangs and all.
Deep down, he knew he had no right to be upset. How could he expect Tav to abandon her lover in her hour of need? Karlach was ready to die on that pier, that much was clear, and she likely would have if Tav had not convinced her to return to Avernus.
And yet, he was. He was furious. She had been his protector, his guidepost. She was different from the others, from probably anyone else in the world. He needed her in a way that scared him, but not as much as it scared him to try and think about navigating life without her. She had waltzed into his life, turned it upside down, and left him to hang.
So, despite being dragged to the ‘party’ that the others had tried to organize, he found he was not quite in the mood to play the usual charming rake. The only words that left his mouth were as bitter as the taste of the wine on his tongue. It had started to cast a pall over the already somber attempt at a celebration. Both Wyll and Gale had tried numerous times to deflect his vitriol or redirect his attention to other topics, and yet the cruel words continued to flow from him like bile.
“I just don’t see the point of it, is all. Karlach would have been fine, she’s already fought in Avernus! Tav has no business down there, honestly, it just doesn’t make any sense,” he said, while everyone else was still making a valiant effort to keep the mood light. Wyll tightened his jaw, sharing a long look with Gale, who shook his head. It pissed him off more.
“Oh, don’t play the goody two-shoes now,” he drawled, “I know you’re just as bothered by it. I liked Karlach too, of course, but it’s not exactly a tragedy for a devil spawn to be in Hell.“ He feigned a shocked expression, holding a hand over his mouth. “Oh, do forgive me, I forgot who I was talking to—“ Wyll, who was usually so unflappable in the face of Astarion's needling, had seemingly reached his limit. He lunged across the table, grabbing for Astarion’s collar. Astarion felt his mouth curl into a grin as he readied for the welcome distraction of a fight, when he felt a heavy hand fall on his shoulder and push him back down into his seat. Across the table, Gale and Shadowheart were both calming Wyll down.
“We are all missing Tav, Astarion. I understand your pain well, but alienating the friends that do remain by your side will not help.” Halsin had come to stand over him, his grip on Astarion’s shoulder firm. Astarion snarled at him, struggling out from under the druid’s hold. Halsin let him go and Astarion flung himself from his chair and stalked away from the table.
Astarion’s mind twisted with dark thoughts about interfering druids as he pushed past Isobel, ignoring the disappointed look on her face. It’s not like he hadn’t known that he was being pointlessly cruel, but it had also pissed him off that everyone else was acting as if it were fine! As if Tav’s absence wasn’t a ragged hole at the center of their group that would swallow them all. Did they seriously expect him to celebrate?
He shoved his way through the crowded tavern, before pushing through the doors and into the night. He paused there for a moment, taking in the familiar sounds of the city in the midst of its nightly revels, and crushing down the desperate hope that someone would come after him.
At least with Tav gone, he could stop pretending to play the good little vampire spawn. And if she didn't like it, then she'd just have to come back from Avernus and do something about it.