Chapter Text
Hinata, along with the rest of the class, survived the death game and the simulation, and were now working together to restore the future. They stayed on the island and other members from the Future Foundation came occasionally to check if everyone was doing well. It had been almost a year since they woke up, and in such a short time, they changed the island to be self-sufficient and more comfortable. Depending on their talents, each one had a different task: Hanamura would be in charge of all the food supplies and cooking, Gundham would take care of a small farm of cows and chickens that the F.F. brought, and for Hinata it meant he'd need to write down everything he knew. From the essential medical care with Tsumiki, to instructions on what to do if the power goes out. His knowledge was vital, and the F.F. gave him the task of writing everything down to make sure humanity could go on, even if he died.
Because of this, Hinata overworked himself: he had to take care of many things, mainly because he was the best at everything, except saying no. He took advantage of the skills he got as Izuru, though that was a doble-edged sword; accepting that meant he had to accept his best and his worst. He could revise all the papers in less than 10 minutes when Naegi took an entire hour, but he could read people too well, even to the point of anticipating their words and feelings, which made every interaction boring. At the same time, even if he knew what would happen, he could still feel a weight on his chest and anxiety would take over in regular situations. However, there was someone that he could not read well and made socialization enjoyable. Hinata suspected Izuru was somehow still there, and either enjoyed not getting in the middle for once, or hated him so much he'd go dormant.
Said person was Komaeda, a man from the same high school as him, though they didn't meet until Junko started his despair-inducing plan. Hinata had a difficult relationship with this white-haired man; he was chaotic, selfless and had a sharp tongue. However, his negative characteristics got buried in all the good ones. When it came to his physique, Hinata was glad to have Izuru's sight; he could stare at his beautiful face for hours without him even noticing. He'd admire his green eyes that matched Hinata's usual necktie, his long eyelashes. Komaeda had very visible eyebags from insomnia, but he found them cute and like how they contrasted with his eyes.
He could only admire what was visible, he'd never seen him shirtless, not even at the beach. So, when they worked together at the office, he'd take glances at his small hand, with surprisingly long fingers, and then at his shiny prosthetic that he recently made so he could type faster, even faster than Hinata's heartbeat at the sight of him. When he was tired after a long day, he couldn’t help but imagine endless scenarios where he held his hand.
"Hey, maybe we could take a break and get a coffee? You look distracted today."
"Do I? I feel like usual. " He looked away, lying.
"Mhmm. Your shoulders are tense, you have had this Word document for half an hour and there are only 5 words, and today you didn't do your eyeliner. I do not think it is hard to guess something is going on." After hearing this, Hinata realized he might not be as good as he thought at appearing fine, or pretending he wasn’t staring at him for a while.
"Nothing escapes your eyes, huh."
"I mean, I have been helping you in this room for months, I think it doesn't take a special talent to notice you aren't being productive."
Hinata grunted and proceeded to stare at his screen again. Maybe he could make the document write itself if he looked hard enough.
Time went on, Komaeda asked a few times if he wanted to take a break, but he got a negative response every time. The two had an overall good relationship; what happened as remnants was in the past, but the events during the simulation weren't forgotten. Hinata enjoyed being around him the most, and so did Komaeda, though the white-haired didn't have many options to hang out with. The rest of his classmates tolerated him, but most of them couldn’t help but flinch at the sight of him. Hinata did have other options, all his classmates enjoyed spending time with him, but he couldn’t enjoy conversations if he could predict with no error how it was going to be.
Seeing each other every day became a routine; they had lunch and dinner together, and even took breaks at the same time so they could go for a walk together. However, they didn't have any serious conversation where their feelings were involved. If one of them was feeling blue, the other would stay by their side and keep them company, even offer basic advice, but they wouldn't put their guard down. They both trusted each other, but the problem lied on Hinata's fear of rejection and Komaeda's attachment issues. Whereas one felt he wasn’t enough, to the point he agreed to a lobotomy to become someone important, the other brought misfortune to anyone who dared to be close to him.
Furthermore, even if time has passed, they aren’t fully over the despair events. At first, Hinata was (almost) everyone’s therapist, but no one could help him. Maybe they could have tried, but the brunette wouldn’t accept someone’s help so easily.
All the frustration made him bottle up, and the exasperation grew stronger every day. Surprisingly, his many talents didn’t help with regulating his emotions; even the smallest thing would make him feel like crying, from either sadness or happiness. But of course, that wasn’t something he could show.
Today, Hinata felt like was overflowing with feelings, to the point his chest could explode. They were all intense; the happiness and joy he had after spending time with Komaeda, the frustration for not being able to talk his feelings out with him, the yearning for being closer to him, and the fear of their relationship ending. Logically, Hinata was aware he deserved to have a normal relationship, be it platonic, romantic, or sexual, but feeling like a walking bomb didn’t help. He wished to be closer to someone, but he himself wouldn’t dare to get too close.
The fact that he had a lot of documents to write and revise for tomorrow and couldn't concentrate on them didn't help either.
"Are you going to your room? Komaeda asked while he read the documents Hinata had finished the day before.
"No, I'm only going to the bathroom." he said with a crack in his voice. He left quickly before Komaeda could see his face.
He walked to the office's bathroom at the end of the hall. Every step was muffled by the sound of his heartbeat. Once he got there, he washed his face with cold water in hopes that the temperature change would calm him down. His sight became blurry, but after blinking a few times he managed to stop his tears.
Hinata looked at his watch, which indicated it was 19:45. He had spent 15 minutes there. He thought to lie (and maybe embarrass himself) to Komaeda; instead of having to say he almost had a breakdown; he could laugh it off and say he had too many coffees and was suffering the consequences.
The brunette looked at his reflection, physically emotionless, but on the inside, he was suffering. He put a hand on his chest, over his compressed breasts; he didn’t recognize himself. Surely, no one else could be in the mirror besides his reflection, he knew it was himself, but there was something wrong, and he couldn’t tell anyone.
A soft knock stopped his train of thought. “Are you still there, Hinata?”
He swallowed and replied. “Yes, I’ll be out in a minute. I just…” What excuse could he make? And most importantly, did he have the energy to keep his walls up and continue with the act?
Komaeda stepped in, without asking for permission. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, I just-" Once they locked eyes, Hinata felt a piercing feeling in his chest. He couldn't bear lying to his friend. “I just needed a break.”
"Are you sure that is all what is bothering you, Hinata?"
That was it. As Komaeda finished the sentence, Hinata's chest tightened. He couldn't hold his tears for any longer.
The brunette went to his side of the office and sat down, not even daring to look at the other man. He stared at the desk with a blurry vision.
Kamakura's talents could help him calm down and stabilize his feelings, only on the outside, but he didn't want that. Hinata was tired of pretending was okay.
Komaeda walked up to him and put his hand on his shoulder. "You can't continue like this, Hinata. Let's take a break, tomorrow we can-"
Hinata's sniffles left him speechless. He made up his mind on breaking Hinata's walls and tried to know what worried him so much, but he wasn't prepared for the situation. In general, his social skills weren't the best, but he had never been this close to someone, seeing them in a vulnerable state and being the only one there.
"Hajime, is there anything I can do for you?"
Even after hearing Komaeda pronounce his name for the first time, he couldn’t help but keep crying. He wasn’t able to produce any word, he only sat there and suffered.
The white-haired didn’t know what to do, so he imagined how the other Ultimates would react. He noticed Kazuichi was very touchy with Hinata, so he tried to do the same. He now moved the hand he had on Hinata’s shoulder, caressing him gently in hopes of calming him down.
Then, he sat down on the chair next to him, without stopping the physical affection. “It will be okay, Hinata. Let it all out.”
Hinata hated being vulnerable. His role was to lead and be the one helping everyone, without needing anyone. Even if he was the strongest, he couldn’t bear all the pressure for so long.
“Try to breathe slowly, like I’m doing.” Komaeda proceeded to breathe in and out slowly, as his hand went up and down.
Hinata tried to do the same, but his sniffles got in the way.
“It is okay, breathe in.” Seeing his friend like this was distressing, to the point he started to feel his mind dissociating.
After a short silence, he replied, "Could you listen and then pretend I didn't say anything? “
It surely was selfish, but Komaeda had no other option than to accept. “Anything you need.”