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Kohane yawns, and An, being the resident Kohane Expert whose sole job on the team is to pay close attention to everything her partner does, holds a hand up before they can jump into another song. “What time is it?”
Akito glances down at his phone. “Eleven thirty.”
“We should probably wrap things up, then,” Touya says.
“Aww, man. I feel like I could keep singing for hours.” An bounces on her toes, her sneakers squeaking on the Weekend Garage stage. “One more song before we turn in for the night? Please?”
“Alright,” Touya says, picking up his mic again, and they come to a mutual agreement that Ready Steady would be a nostalgic way to end off the practice session.
Akito hates to use such corny wording in his mind, but he feels like it’s almost a bit magical to sing this song now. Nah, not magical-- electric? Their voices and their teamwork have improved so much since they first became Vivid BAD SQUAD, and it makes a warm glow that he’s not quite used to feeling bloom right behind his ribcage. Something like pride, almost.
They finish the song, and An grins. “That was perfect, you guys!”
It was. Akito playfully knocks her on the back of the head and ruffles Touya’s hair on his way to grab his jacket from where he left it on a chair at the bar, and right when he’s about to say goodbye and head out, An exclaims, “Wait!”
He slips his jacket on and turns to her.
“It’s pretty late, and we’re all tired” -- the other three exchange disbelieving glances; An is never tired -- “so you guys should just sleep over tonight.”
“I’ll ask my parents!” Kohane says immediately, pulling out her phone.
“I dunno,” Akito says, rubbing his neck anxiously. He’s never had a sleepover with all his friends before. Touya’s stayed over at his house a handful of times, but that’s different. “Is Ken-san cool with it?”
An walks behind the counter and fills up a cup of water, then downs it in record time. “Yeah, it’s fine. He doesn’t care if I have people over.”
Akito hesitates.
“Come on, Akito. It’ll be fun.” Touya’s smiling that one smile none of them can say no to, the one where his mouth doesn’t really smile but his eyes crinkle at the corners and he looks so happy that whoever he gives it to is forced to give up. Akito knows he’s doomed.
“Fine,” he says through a sigh, getting his own cup of water. “As long as An doesn’t keep us up playing truth or dare ’til two thirty.”
“Who, me? Never.” An smiles innocently. “Anyway, Akito, who do you have a crush on?”
He nearly chokes on his water, then sets his glass down and kicks her in the shin. “Kohane, did your parents say yes?”
“Ow,” An complains, even though he didn’t kick her hard enough to elicit any sort of pained response. He pointedly ignores her and turns to Kohane, who smiles and says, “They said I can.”
“Perfect! Come on, guys!” An leads them upstairs, her supposed pain quickly forgotten, and Akito reluctantly follows.
An gives them a mini-tour even though they’ve all been to her house above Weekend Garage before. “Bath's in there, but we'll just shower since it's late and--” she stops short. “Crap, none of you have pajamas with you, huh?”
Akito’s usual attire is so casual that he’d normally be fine to sleep in it, but he happens to be very sweaty right now. “Oh.”
“You didn’t bring a change of clothes? I could’ve sworn you’ve been waiting for this occasion ever since we all became friends,” Touya teases.
“Shut up.”
An looks them over. “Kohane, you can just wear some of mine. You two are about the same height as my dad, and I’m sure he won’t mind if you borrow some of his clothes.”
“That’s weird,” Akito argues, and An retaliates the earlier kick to silence him.
“Ow! Jeez!” He’d only tapped her earlier, but that was a full-on kick. He’s going to have a bruise.
“Sorry. That was a little harder than I’d intended. I call dibs on first shower!”
Before any of them can have any sort of say in the matter, she’s already vanished into the bathroom.
“I think she’s a little excited to have us all over,” Kohane says.
Touya laughs. “Just a little.”
“We really should’ve planned this ahead of time,” Akito grumbles. He hates when his schedule gets thrown off track.
“You have a point, since I don’t even have my glasses with me, but this will be fun,” Kohane says, undoing her pigtails and shaking out her pale blonde hair.
“Team bonding,” suggests Touya, who presumably didn’t bring his glasses either.
Akito sighs. “We’ve bonded enough.”
An starts singing in the shower. Akito smiles.
“I still think it’s cool that An-chan lives above the cafe,” Kohane says, sort of wandering around the living room. “Wouldn’t that be fun?”
Akito loves the Shiraishis’ place. It’s small but cozy and homey, and it pretty much always smells faintly like coffee. He likes his own house well enough, of course, but he has to agree with Kohane that it would be fun to live here. Separately, not all together.
It’d be nice to live with his friends, though . . .
That makes him think of something else. They’ve only got one more year of high school after this one, and then all of them will probably go to college. Will they all end up going to the same place? Will they even get to hang out anymore?
A loud crash shoves Akito out of his thoughts. An’s muffled voice quickly calls, “Dropped the shampoo bottle!”
“I think I just had a heart attack,” Kohane says, putting a hand to her chest.
“You gave Kohane a heart attack,” Akito shouts to An.
“Is she okay?!”
“No, she’s on the floor and I’m gonna have to give her mouth-to-mouth,” Akito deadpans.
Kohane makes an embarrassed squeak at the prospect, and Akito blushes as well when he realizes the implications of his joke. “That’s not what I meant.”
The water in the shower turns off almost immediately, and An rushes out in record time with her pajama shirt on backwards and her sopping-wet hair messily thrown into a ponytail. “Kohane?!”
Kohane, who is standing there and not currently enduring a severe medical emergency, says, “I’m fine, An-chan.”
An whirls to face Akito and gives him a deathly glare. “I’m gonna end you. You just did that so I’d get out of the shower faster, didn’t you?”
“Nah, it was actually just a joke. But a win’s a win.”
An flicks her drenched ponytail at him, spraying him with water.
“Dude!”
“Revenge. Now I’m gonna go blowdry my hair and put my shirt on the right way. By the way, my dad’s out of shampoo, so you’re gonna have to smell like strawberry.”
“Ew,” Akito says, even though he really couldn’t care less.
She marches back into the bathroom. Akito plops down on the couch while he waits.
Someone pokes his shoulder, and he looks up to see Touya, who’s not wearing the same clothes he just had on two seconds ago. “Huh?”
“You fell asleep. Kohane and I already showered and it’s your turn.” Touya grins.
“Ugh.” Akito drags a hand down his face. “How’d I pass out that quick?”
“Did Ken-san give you coffee earlier?”
They’ve been singing so much that he can hardly remember what else he’s done tonight. He squints off into the distance in thought, his eyes landing on a random music poster on the living room wall whose featured unit’s name is absolutely impossible to read what the heck. “Does that say ‘snack box’?”
“It looks like ‘shark bites’ to me, although both of those sound more like processed convenience store items than music groups. Anyway, did Ken-san give you coffee earlier?”
Akito snaps back to attention. “Yeah, I had a latte, like, an hour ago.”
“That would be why.”
Akito yawns. “Not true. Caffeine is energy-boosting.”
“You have ADHD.”
“Oh, right.”
Touya taps his shoulder again. “You’re zoning out. If you don’t get up, you’re going to fall asleep again.”
“Okay, fine.” Akito stands up and stretches. “Where are the girls, anyway?”
Touya hands Akito the clothes he’s supposed to wear. “In An’s room setting out the futons. And I think they’re playing truth or dare.”
“You’re joking,” he says, heading off to the shower.
“Nope, and I’ve got to get back in there, because I’ve been dying to tell someone who I have a crush on.”
Touya’s rarely sarcastic, so that makes Akito laugh. “Well, have fun with that. I’ll be quick.”
The shower energizes him, and he finally feels like he won’t fall asleep the second he sits down somewhere. (Ken-san is indeed out of shampoo, but An’s is pretty similar to the kind he uses, so it works out fine.)
However, as he’s working the soap through his hair, he can’t stop thinking about what popped into his mind earlier. He’s never really thought about his future past surpassing RAD WEEKEND. He knows they’re planning to take over the world, but what if somewhere along the way, one of them loses interest? What if college puts their dreams on hold and they never get them back in order after?
His chest feels tight all of a sudden, so he forces his brain to start playing CRaZY to combat the thoughts, and . . . great, now he’s going to have the prechorus stuck in his head for the next two to three business days.
After stepping out of the shower and drying off, Akito puts on the clothes Touya gave him and looks himself over in the mirror. They’re simple enough, but the fact that he’s wearing Ken-san’s clothes makes him feel a little giddy. Like he actually believes Taiga about the whole reminding-him-of-a-younger-Ken thing.
When he walks into An’s room, Kohane says, “You look really happy, Akito-kun.”
“Do I?” That’s embarrassing.
“And wet,” An says.
Oh. Akito suddenly realizes he was distracted enough to forget to blowdry his hair. “Shit.”
“You look like a different person,” Touya says. “Can an Akito without his fluffiness even be called an Akito at all?”
“You’re weird,” Akito informs him.
“I’ll go get the blowdryer and do it for you,” An volunteers for some reason, then runs off to the bathroom. He can distantly hear her call, “You literally have a crush on my dad, by the way.”
“Shut up! What the hell!” Akito shouts back, then sits down on the futon the others set up for him and looks up at the ceiling.
Putting aside whatever the fuck An is talking about, he feels another pang in his chest. What if, once they all grow up and move on, he and Ken-san will drift apart? Ken-san’s the closest thing he’s ever had to a real dad, and he means more to Akito than Akito will ever admit out loud.
Akito shakes his head to clear away the new wave of upsetting thoughts, making water drip onto his-- Ken’s-- shirt. He’s just tired, that’s all. That’s why he’s thinking of all these strange things he’s never really considered before.
“Are you feeling okay, Akito-kun?” Kohane asks.
“Huh?” He snaps to attention and offers her a smile. “Yeah, I’m good. Just thinkin.’”
“About what?” Touya asks, looking up from his phone, which definitely has some sort of ebook on it. Akito will never understand how or why anyone could love reading so much.
“Nothin’ important. Weren’t you guys playing truth or dare? Whose turn is it?”
Touya looks like he doesn’t believe him, but he says, “Yours. Truth or dare?”
“Truth, I guess.”
“Tell me what you were thinking about.”
Akito glares at him. “Okay, smartass."
Thankfully, An returns with the blowdryer right at that second, sparing him from having to answer, and plops down on her bed. “C’mere, Akito.”
“Why are you doin’ it, anyway? I’m perfectly capable of drying my own hair.”
“’Cause you’d been gone long enough in the shower, and we want to hang out with you. This way we can all talk. And I want to touch your hair.”
“ What?”
“Dude, if it’s already that fluffy normally, imagine how soft it is when it’s freshly blowdried.” An plugs in the blowdryer and points it at him threateningly.
“Really soft,” confirms Touya, who’s seen him fresh out of the shower before.
“Exactly. Now get over here, dude.”
Akito grumbles about it, but he finally sits in front of her, and she starts working on his hair.
“You never answered my question,” Touya tells him.
“Don’t care. I changed my mind. Give me a dare instead.”
“I don’t think you can do many dares while your hair is being dried,” Kohane points out.
“Then give me a different truth question.” An starts touching his hair while she works and he practically melts, then feels heat rise to his face.
“Ooh, I’ve discovered a weakness,” she says gleefully, then starts gently massaging his scal-- ohhhhhhhhh.
“I think Akito-kun ascended to heaven,” Kohane says with a giggle.
Akito, who’s suddenly seventy-five percent asleep, mumbles, “Shuddup.”
“Stay with us, Akito,” Touya says, then, “Here’s a different truth question. If you had to tell one of us to leave the room, who would it be?”
“That’s a terrible question!” Kohane exclaims at the same time Akito says without hesitation, “An.”
“What?!” An promptly sets down the blowdryer and steps off of the bed. “I’m done with you.”
“No, wait!” He didn’t think that through. The massage she was doing felt ridiculously good. “Come back. I didn’t mean it. You’re my best friend.”
“No.”
“Please?” He doesn’t know how to do the puppy eyes Touya does, and he’d feel crazy embarrassed trying, so he just adds, “I thought you wanted to touch my hair?”
An sighs dramatically, and after a long pause, she finally comes back to finish blowdrying his hair. Akito closes his eyes, feeling spectacularly relaxed.
“It’s your turn to give someone else a truth or dare,” Touya reminds him, idly petting the short fur of a penguin plushie he picked up from the floor. (An keeps a lot of his favorites at her house so he can see them when he comes over.)
“Oh-- right. Touya. Truth or dare?”
“I just went, but alright. Dare.”
Ohhh, that feels so good. He could fall asleep right he--
“Akito?”
Akito snaps upright, smacking his head into the blowdryer in the process. “Ow! Jeez!”
“You nearly fell asleep again,” An says. “Touya’s patiently waiting for a dare.”
“Sorry.” Akito blinks a few times, trying to focus. “Uhhh . . . you have to let a person of your choice put makeup on you.”
Touya laughs. “Why me?”
“’Cause it’ll be hilarious. Who do you choose?”
Touya thinks about this. “Kohane.”
Akito snickers. “Nice.”
Kohane’s eyes widen. “Touya-kun, I don’t even wear makeup!”
Touya’s eyes sparkle with mirth, a smile stealing across his lips. “Exactly. You’re the least experienced, so you’re the most entertaining option.”
“Hold on. You’re saying I’m more experienced with makeup than the literal girl?” Akito asks, almost offended.
“Not on you. You do An and Kohane’s makeup for shows all the time.”
“. . . Oh, right. I’m tired. Sorry.”
“I’ll go get the makeup in just a sec.” An finishes with Akito’s hair and pats it, then whistles. “Dude, if I thought it was soft before . . .”
She starts playing with it, and without even meaning to, Akito sighs contentedly.
“Who knew you were so sensitive to having your hair touched?” Kohane says.
“I didn’t even know,” Akito admits. “I think it’s just ’cause I’m really sleepy.”
“We’ll test that logic in the morning,” Touya says.
“It’s like an orange cloud,” An says in wonder, and Akito finally smacks her hand away. “Go get the makeup so we can be done with this and go to bed.”
“Okay, grandpa,” she grumbles, heading out of the room.
“Can I see how soft your hair is?” Kohane asks.
“Well, at least someone is respectful around here. I guess you can touch it or whatever.”
She does, gently, slender fingers brushing through his loose curls. “Wow.”
Akito reddens.
By the time An returns, both Kohane and Touya are playing with Akito’s hair, and he’s not entirely unhappy about it.
“What is this, the Akito hair party?” she asks, setting down a huge bag of makeup supplies. “Get off the poor guy!”
“Says the one who wouldn’t stop playing with it a few minutes ago,” Akito says, fixing his hair once Kohane and Touya move away. “Hypocrite.”
An tosses him a can of Sprite. “Here. So you’ll stop falling asleep.”
“Thanks.” He pops it open and takes a sip as he watches Kohane and Touya look through all the makeup options. This should be funny.
“I really have no idea how to use any of this,” Kohane admits. “I’ll just do something simple? I think?”
An shows her which ones she should use, and she gets to work on Touya’s face. Akito rests his head on An’s shoulder as they watch the shenanigans.
Touya keeps a perfectly straight face as always, but Kohane can’t stop nervously giggling as she tries to put his makeup on.
“You’re gonna do shaky lines if you don’t stop laughing,” Akito says, already feeling a little more alert with the sugar from the Sprite he’s drinking in his system.
“Sorry!” Kohane says, giggling harder.
“If I don’t get scouted for a modeling agency after this, I’ll be disappointed,” Touya jokes. Kohane accidentally pokes him in the eye while doing his eyeliner. “Ow.”
“ OH I’M SO SORRY!”
Finally, after a painstakingly long time, she finishes and exhales heavily as she sits back. “How did I do-- oh goodness I did not do well.”
Now that Kohane’s not blocking Akito’s view of Touya’s face, Akito can see just how bad at doing makeup the poor girl really is. Touya looks like a little kid getting into their mom’s makeup drawer.
He and An burst out laughing almost simultaneously. “Bravo,” he says, clapping.
“Let me see your handiwork, Kohane.” Touya turns on his phone’s front camera and starts laughing, too. “I look like a fruity disaster.”
“You are a fruity disaster,” An reminds him lightheartedly.
“You did a good job,” Touya tells a miserable-looking Kohane, patting her hand reassuringly, then stands up and poses femininely. “How do I look?”
Akito’s laughing so hard he can barely breathe. “Dude, stop!”
He strikes a few more ridiculous poses like he’s doing a photoshoot for a low-budget magazine until finally An kicks his shin to get him to stop because she’s laughing to the point of actually crying real tears. Caught off guard, Touya proceeds to fall over.
“Touya?!” An exclaims. “Dude, are you okay?”
Touya just laughs. “I’ll live. Now can I please take this makeup off?”
Twenty minutes later, they’ve finally all calmed down (and Touya’s face is now, thankfully, completely makeup-free), and they’re in their futons, ready to go to sleep.
Akito shivers and wraps himself tighter in his blanket. It’s winter and heat rises, so it’s not exactly warm on the floor. He looks longingly at An’s bed and accidentally makes eye contact with her.
“Cold?” she asks observantly.
“I’m fine.” He turns to his other side. “Touya, go to sleep.”
Touya’s still on his phone reading whatever mystery novel he hasn’t been able to put down, but he’s squinting at the screen because he doesn’t have his glasses. “In a minute.”
“You’re gonna kill your eyes.” Akito swipes his phone from him and looks at what he’s reading. He makes it about three sentences into the page before giving up. “I can’t even tell what that’s talking about.”
“I fear for your future,” Touya says sadly, taking his phone back and setting it on the floor next to him.
There’s that word again. Akito’s worries about what will happen once they surpass RAD WEEKEND return. Ugh, he really needs some sleep; what’s up with him tonight?
“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m actually going to sleep,” An says. “I’m totally exhausted.”
“Same,” Akito says through a yawn.
“Here,” Touya says, handing him a large, fluffy cat plushie. “A friend.”
“I already have you three,” Akito says, “and this is embarrassing.” (He hugs it anyway as he settles in to go to sleep. Normally he has an extra pillow to hold, but this cat will have to do.)
“His name is Taro. He’s really friendly, so he doesn’t mind you snuggling with him.”
Akito never gets tired of hearing Touya talk about his plushies as if they’re real. It’s incredibly endearing, and the way his eyes sparkle when he does so always warms Akito’s heart. “Cool. I’m not snuggling with him, though.”
Akito can’t see him, but he knows Touya is giving him a very disbelieving look.
“Look, I’m cold, okay?” Akito mutters, hugging the cat tighter. Its fur tickles his face and makes his nose itchy, so he moves it out of the way of his face.
“I’ll get you another blanket,” An says, hopping out of bed and running to her closet.
Akito’s going to say ‘you don’t have to’, but he sneezes instead.
“Bless you,” says Kohane. “Are you allergic to polyester?”
“I don’t think that’s a thing.”
“Polyester?”
“The allergy, Kohane. Taro just tickled my nose is all.” He sneezes again.
“Oh. Bless you again.”
An returns with a few extra blankets, which she puts on top of him. “Sure you don’t wanna cuddle for warmth instead?”
“I’d rather gouge out my own eyeballs,” he says, feeling very cozy with the added pressure and warmth of the blankets. Although maybe cuddling would be even better. Shut up, brain! Shut up!
An ruffles his hair on her way back to her bed. “I’ll take that as a ‘I really want to but I’m too cool to say yes’.”
“You should take that as a ‘I’d rather gouge out my own eyeballs.’ Because that’s what I said.”
“But if you really mean what you say, you wouldn’t have lied about why you keep zoning out and intensely thinking about something mysterious,” Touya says.
Akito pretends to be asleep, and he hears Touya sigh heavily, probably settling for getting an answer in the morning.
Well, too bad. He’s not going to get one. Not until Akito figures all of this out.
A while later, An’s snoring like a chainsaw, Kohane’s breathing has slowed, and Touya is laying absolutely still, which means all three of them are asleep. Akito is so tired, but something is preventing him from drifting off.
He stares up at the ceiling. This night has been perfect. Just spending time with his best friends, hanging out and laughing and sharing a room. He doesn’t want this to ever change.
What will happen once they surpass RAD WEEKEND?
It’s all he’s ever dreamed about. He knows they have other plans once they’ve done it, but all of a sudden, the destination he thought was just barely out of his reach for so many years is almost here. They’re going to reach their dreams at their next event. Their next event.
It’s really the only thing he’s ever wanted, so why does thinking about it hurt so much?
He can’t stop tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable enough for sleep to overtake the thoughts plaguing his mind, but nothing’s working.
RAD WEEKEND has been his reason for living since he was a kid. What’s going to happen once they surpass it? How is he going to feel? Will he still have the drive that’s pushed him forward for all these years?
He should be confident about this. Yes, Akito, you’re the most determined person you know. There’s no way you’d suddenly become aimless.
But some sort of combination of his extreme exhaustion and the wonderfulness of having all his friends right here and the fear that someday it won’t be exactly like this are making him scared. He’s never felt like this.
Maybe he’s just never let himself feel like this.
Curse you, Luka, for helping me not hold back my feelings anymore, Akito thinks angrily, switching to his other side again.
Kohane blinks at him.
Akito jumps. “Huh? Have you been awake the whole time?”
“No, I haven’t.” She rubs her eyes. “You were making a lot of noise shifting around like that. Is something wrong? You were so sleepy earlier; I thought you would’ve passed right out.”
When he doesn’t respond, trying to collect his thoughts, she tries to lighten the mood by asking, “Is Taro not doing his job right?”
Akito smiles a little. “Taro is great. I’ll have to give him a five-star rating on Google Reviews.”
“Then what’s wrong? Did you wake up from a nightmare?” she asks gently, reaching out to put a reassuring hand on his arm.
“It’s . . .” He swallows hard. “I’m kinda stuck in my head right now about some really weird stuff?” He hates the way his voice wavers.
Kohane scoots a little closer. “Like what?” Her voice is laced with concern. Ugh, he doesn’t want to make her worry.
He gestures vaguely. “Uh . . . RAD WEEKEND?”
Kohane laughs softly. “I don’t think that’s it.”
“It’s part of it.” He thinks about the best way to explain it while playing it cool. “Just thinkin’ about my future and stuff. Our future. After we surpass RAD WEEKEND.” Oh, shit, he’s going to cry.
Kohane immediately panics. “Is that a bad thing? Don’t cry! Please!”
Akito puts his hand over his eyes and takes a few shaky breaths, trying to regulate his emotions. His chest aches. “I’m not. I’m fi--”
She’s already slipping out of her futon and going to An’s bed. Great. “An-chan, help!”
An sits up. “Kohane! What’s wrong?”
“Akito-kun is crying and I don’t know what to do.”
I’m right here, Akito thinks miserably. Wonderful. He really loves it when people see him cry. He hastily wipes his tears away.
An hops off her bed and sits next to him. “Dude? You okay? Did you have a nightmare or something?” Why is everyone assuming he regularly gets nightmares?!
He takes a deep breath and tries to explain, but no words will come out. He must look so pathetic, choking back sobs about something that they probably won’t even understand.
“Hey, hey, whoa. We’re here. Chill out.” An pulls him into a hug, and Akito doesn’t hesitate to return the gesture, squeezing her tightly as he struggles to keep his tears back. Kohane gently plays with his hair, clearly concerned but not knowing what else to do.
After a minute, An asks, “So do you wanna tell me what’s wrong or are you just gonna cuddle me for the rest of the night?”
Akito quickly lets go of her and clears his throat. “Sorry. I’m just really tired, and it’s making me sorta emotional about some dumb stuff.”
“Is this something we should wake Touya-kun up for?” Kohane asks.
“No,” Akito says quickly. “I don’t wanna worry him. This isn’t even important. I’m just-- I’m just worried about what will happen once we surpass RAD WEEKEND and if it’ll all feel the same or if I’ll feel empty and scared and--”
“I’m waking Touya up,” An says. Ignoring Akito’s protests, she picks up one of Touya’s plushies and whacks Touya in the face with it, which is really the only way to get him to wake up (the guy sleeps like a slab of concrete).
Touya mumbles something unintelligible and rolls to his other side.
An whacks him again. “Your partner is crying!”
“I’m not,” Akito says.
Touya sits up straight. “Akito?!”
“I’m fine.” He’s sick of saying this. He wishes he could just go to sleep.
“Guys who are fine don’t hug their least favorite friend so hard that said friend breaks twenty-nine of her ribs,” An says.
“There are only twenty-four ribs in the human body,” Touya corrects her, then moves closer to Akito and puts a hand on his shoulder. “What’s going on? Did something happen? I knew there was something on your mind.”
Finally, with all three of them staring at him and awaiting a response and Touya reassuringly rubbing his back, it all comes tumbling out. His worries about what he’ll do with his life and if they’ll all stay together and if he’ll suddenly feel lost once he’s reached his goal. He’s not good at talking about his feelings, so it takes a while to verbalize everything, and he’s sure he’s not making any sense at all.
“I understand what you mean,” Kohane says once he’s finally gotten out mostly everything. “I obviously don’t care about RAD WEEKEND quite as much as you do-- I don’t think even An-chan does-- but it does feel a little scary to think about how we’re almost to a goal that seemed really impossible, right?”
Akito’s so relieved that she understands. “I just . . . I don’t want things to change.”
“Me neither,” Touya says. “I like when things change, sometimes, but . . . All this singing and improving we’ve been doing is incredible, but part of me misses when we didn’t really have many worries and we’d just hang out at the cafe downstairs.”
“I miss the cafe being open too,” An admits.
“Remember that time your dad made us curry with all our least favorite foods on purpose?” Kohane asks An.
She laughs. “With the tomatoes ‘for color’? Yeah, I remember.”
“I remember when all three of you believed me when I said there was a secret blacklist for struggling students,” Touya says, a smile playing at his lips.
“Or when we went sakura viewing and I got those really nice pictures of all of us,” Kohane says. “Or when we went to Phoenix Wonderland together!”
“And you went totally nerd mode?” Akito teases, wiping a few stray tears from his eyes.
“I just really like going there,” Kohane says bashfully, playing with a lock of her hair.
Touya grins. “Speaking of photos, remember when you two couldn’t stomach the Count Pearl album?”
An groans.
“Don’t remind me. I nearly threw up,” Akito says, feeling queasy just thinking about it.
“I always forget how squeamish you two are,” Touya says, amused.
“The pictures weren’t even that bad! She was just eating. I have some cuter ones if you want to see them.” Kohane pulls out her phone and starts tapping away to find the cursed photo album of unspeakable horrors, and An quietly reaches over and clicks off the phone before Kohane shows them something that will give them nightmares.
“Camping was the best,” Touya says, stroking the penguin plushie again. “I’d love to go again someday.”
“Hopefully you won’t get stuck in a tree next time,” An says, elbowing him playfully.
“I won’t. But maybe I’ll be over my fear of heights by then.”
She looks at him disbelievingly. “Yeah, and Akito will adopt a dog.”
“I’ll what?!” Akito exclaims. “I’d rather--”
“Gouge out your own eyeballs. Yeah, we know.”
“I was actually going to say ‘die’, but okay.”
Thinking about all of this has given Akito an overpoweringly nostalgic feeling; it’s warm and sweet and also inexplicably sad. His life is a lot better now, he’d say-- he’s growing as a person; they all are, and they’re growing as singers too-- but there’s just something about those times that he really misses.
Will they be able to hang out at the cafe again? Once they reach their dreams, will they still squabble over carrots and tomatoes and grades and try every coffee order imaginable and play games on Touya’s Switch and go on runs together? What will happen to the SEKAI? It just expanded, and he’s excited to overtake the walls that block them from whatever magic is inside-- but what if it falls apart, eventually? What if they don’t need it anymore? What will happen to Miku and the others?
“Hey, Akito?” An says, noticing he’s fallen quiet. “You stuck in your head again?”
Akito doesn’t know what to say. There are so many conflicting feelings inside, so the only thing that spills out of the rearranging flurry of thoughts in his mind is, “I love you guys.”
He starts crying again, and this time it isn’t just teary eyes and a few sniffles. Ugh, he hates crying like this. Heavy and helpless and uncontrollable. It’s his least favorite feeling in the world.
“Whoa, whoa. We love you too,” An says, hugging him again. The others quickly join in, surrounding him in comfort and love, and it sounds like Kohane’s crying as well.
“Kohane?” Akito asks between sobs.
“Sorry, you saying you love us made me get a little emotional,” Kohane says, sniffling.
Akito can’t believe he hasn’t said it out loud before. He loves them more than anything else in the whole world. They’re the ones who took the hands of the defensive loner he once was and changed him with their infectious warmth, the ones who helped him forge a more colorful path to his dreams, a wider path on which four people can run instead of just one. The ones who believed in him when he couldn’t even believe in himself. He owes everything to them. However, he can’t say anything about that because he’s, embarrassingly enough, sobbing too hard.
“Akito,” Touya says gently, his fingers tracing soothing patterns on Akito’s back. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Let it all out,” An encourages instead.
Akito hiccups. “We’ll all always be friends, right?”
“Always,” Touya promises. “I’m not going anywhere. Partners for life, remember? I’d rather die than leave your side, Akito.”
“You’re so dramatic,” he says with a tearful laugh.
“We’re not going anywhere either,” An says, squeezing him tighter. “Wherever we end up going, you three are the best friends I’ve ever had and I’d never give any of you up.” She’s getting choked up, too.
“I miss old memories all the time,” Kohane says, “but like you’re always doing, Akito, we have to keep facing forward, right?” She wipes some of Akito’s tears away and kisses his cheek. “No matter what, we’ll just keep moving.”
“And when we do surpass RAD WEEKEND, we’ll be there with you,” Touya says. “Even if you do end up feeling lost, you’re not alone anymore.”
They don’t really say much else. They’re all crying now (except for Touya. Akito has only seen him cry once in the entire three years they’ve been best friends), just holding each other on An’s bedroom floor, reminiscing about older times and looking forward to-- but not quite ready for-- new ones. In their embrace, with An playing with his hair (which still makes him absolutely melt against his will) and Kohane’s cheek pressed into his shoulder and Touya’s arms gently wrapped around him, he feels more comforted than he has in ages, and for the first time that night, he feels like everything will be okay.
Maybe things aren’t one hundred percent okay right now-- things are still uncertain, and Akito will still worry about it, but he knows the three people he loves most will be there every step of the way, and they’ll figure it out together.
He feels warm. Safe, and loved.
He finally starts drifting off, but even though he’s completely exhausted, some part of him wants to stay awake.
After all, why should he bother sleeping when whatever fantastical dreams his mind could conjure would pale in comparison to the one he’s living right now?