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For anyone with eyes, the chemistry between the Savior and the Mayor is quite obvious, although Emma tried to hide it for so long, ignoring it for years until it became undeniable. Turning into a feeling that somehow feels like it’s simply supposed to be.
Well, you could say it started from the very first day, right after Emma got into town, with the shared cider and hidden threats, and that, for a year, they both felt the thrill of the chase.
Emma had thought about it over the years, how every time Regina told her to get out of the town, the brunette did something to keep her there, instead. Probably with no intention of it, but let’s be honest, Emma loved playing that game, cause that’s all it was for her, a game. Especially since none of it was real - or so she thought. Henry had been convinced the fairy tales were real, but Emma hadn’t been - until they were and everything started to get more complicated from then on.
As complicated as things were, the relationship grew. Morphing from hate and fear to respect and understanding. Suddenly, they realized that perhaps they weren’t as opposite as they once thought to be, and that changed everything.
Trouble and villains came to town, and although there were misunderstandings between them, when it came to their son they got together and figured their shit out.
Take, for example, the first time they used their magic together, the thrill of the chase, the biting comments, and the bickering, which turned into raw electricity flowing between them, fuelling them up. Emma had no idea what Regina was up to, but something inside her was yelling at her to trust the brunette, and in that moment she gave in to everything she felt, as confusing as it was. Emma gave all she had so Regina could try and save their son, and she did, they did.
She failed to understand what happened at that point, or perhaps you can say that she didn’t want to see it, so she blinded herself to the feelings Regina ignited in her. Therefore she didn’t realize it until a few months after that, once their kid was safe and Killian was chasing after her. Regina was friendlier with her and the family was more inclusive towards each other.
That’s when Emma tried to understand why Regina was the way she was, and when she started to pay more and more attention. But it wasn’t until Emma was laughing at stupid jokes or puns Regina made from time to time that Emma started to wonder. Let’s be honest, the one time she couldn’t ignore her feelings anymore was in the middle of the night, when they were at Granny’s, and everyone was already leaving to get some sleep. The diner lights were soft, barely lighting up the dark blue night.
Emma’s parents were chatting with Granny, Henry was sitting in a booth in front of Regina while he finished a milkshake. And Emma was looking at them all. Ruby had gone inside to start the dishwasher, leaving Emma alone on a bar stool, and all Emma could think at that moment was how lucky she had become, now that she had a family, her son, friends, and a beautiful woman she could always count on. That’s when Ruby came back, with Emma glancing at the brunette woman, silently smiling as Regina laughed about something Henry had told her.
“You’re doomed, Ems.” Ruby scoffed, while a smile formed on her face.
“What?” Emma came back, not taking her eyes off of her family.
“Nothing, honey.” Ruby brushed it off, leaving Emma confused.
A few seconds later, they were all saying their goodbyes.
One week after that, Emma rushed into the diner, in the middle of her shift, going straight to the bar where Ruby was finishing some tasks.
“What did you mean with your comment from the other night?” Emma blurted, blushing like crazy and breathing fast as if she had run over.
“Are you okay?” Ruby asked first.
“What? Yes, I’m fine. But what did you mean?” She insisted.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Is everything okay?” She asked again, hiding a grin.
“No, everything is not okay. I just saw her, we hugged for the first time and she just smiled at me but something was different this time. I have no idea what is going on and I need you to tell me what you meant. Because nothing is making sense, and she’s there being all amazing and gorgeous and I’m here freaking out because she smiled at me and she’s just an idiot. Or I’m the idiot. I don’t know. I’m not sure but I need to know what you know. Okay?”
“Emma?” Ruby asked once Emma was sitting on a bar stool, her hands grabbing her head over the counter, trying to catch her breath.
“Yeah?” She asked, barely moving, enough so she could see Ruby.
“I think you already know what I meant.” Ruby smiled at the blonde woman. She was relieved Emma had gotten to the diner at a time when there were no customers, since this way they could talk without interruptions.
“I do? I mean, Rubes. I think I fucked up.” Emma whined, throwing her face towards her hands over the counter, making Ruby snicker.
“Emma, I don’t think you did anything to act like this, you’re being a drama queen,” Ruby said, getting an outraged look on Emma’s face. She knew her friend for a couple of years now, and she was sure there was no way Emma acted on her feelings for the mayor out of thin air.
“This is serious, Ruby. This is the end of Sid, the sloth! ” Emma said in a dramatic tone throwing her hands over the air as she closed her eyes.
They stayed silent for a second until they both burst into laughter at how ridiculous that had sounded.
“Oh, Ems! Come on, it’s not like you’re the only one feeling all this.”
“Are you trying to tell me that she, the mayor, a queen, the most perfect woman ever could love me?”
“Damn girl, are you talking about love already?” Ruby grinned as she pushed Emma.
“Shut up! I don’t know, okay?” Emma rubbed her head.
“Hey, from what I know about her, I can say that she acts differently when you’re around. So yeah, I think you’re not the only one, okay?” Ruby walked towards her, placing a hand over her shoulder in comfort.
Emma had to return to work soon after that, and she did so with a tornado twirling in her head over a million possibilities, but overall a million difficulties.
Soon, her parents caught it, and she finally confessed one morning that her alarm clock did not sound. Emma’s phone wouldn’t stop ringing with a pissed-off mayor who was apparently freezing outside the police station, which was closed.
Emma hurried her way downstairs, jumping to get her sneakers the right way, after promising the mayor she would be there as soon as she could. She placed her jacket and beanie as fast as she could, hurried for a toast, and a drink of juice as she said goodbye to her parents with her mouth full and hurried down to the station.
Little did she figure that it was Sunday, and she hadn’t been late at all.
She came back fuming an hour later, into the loft where Snow and David were sharing a blanket as they watched something on the TV.
“I swear guys, this woman drives me insane!” Emma said once she saw them, didn’t care what she was saying or to whom she was talking.
“Are you talking about Regina, sweetie?” Snow said, sharing a quick glance with David as they fixed their position so they could see their daughter.
“Of course I am!” Emma bristled. “It's
always
about her. She makes it so even when it isn't, it’s crazy! She's always stuck in my head and it should be because of Henry, about her being his other mother, but at this point, that explanation isn't enough anymore.” She grunted, and just a second later continued with her rant.
“And it’s also not an excuse to wake me up, making me think it’s my fault that she’s freezing her ass off because I’m not there when it isn’t even time for me to be there! And just for what? A few papers? Seriously! Of course, a couple of papers couldn’t wait a few hours! And can you believe what she did when I got there?!” Emma kept talking fast, pacing around the loft, walking from the door to the kitchen aisle and back, “No, you won’t because it was a crazy thing to do! She laughed at me and asked why I was late to begin with! She was playing me, making me feel guilty over nothing just so she could laugh! And I’m okay with her laughing. I love it when she laughs, but she’s evil! You know?”
Her final words echoed through the otherwise silent apartment, and David and Snow continued to exchange some glances. Emma, still reeling from her outburst, gulped in some air.
“As crazy as this sounds, have you thought about the possibility of her actually wanting to see you?” Snow carefully asked as David tried to contain his laughter.
“Why would she want to? And it seriously couldn’t wait an hour or two?”
“Perhaps she wanted to see you right then, 'cause she missed you, honey,” David added, a playful grin forming on his face.
“Why would she miss me? We saw each other last night.” Emma looked more and more like a confused and kicked puppy.
“Maybe because she’s interested in you?” Snow asked, trying not to beam and even less shout.
“Why would she be interested in me?” Emma wondered, making David roll his eyes with fondness.
“Because she likes you, Emma! The same way you like her, too.” He finally said, receiving a soft punch from Snow.
“What!?” Emma asked, her mouth forming a perfect oval and her hands falling at her side.
“Emma! Come on, you are a terrible liar when it comes to this. You can’t hide it, honey.” Snow said, a gentle smirk forming on her face while a frown formed on Emma’s.
“Who else knows?!” Emma was outraged.
Snow and David looked at each other, and then brightly smiled at Emma.
“What!?” Emma shouted, making them both stand up so they could go to her.
“Honey, what worries you?” Snow asked, being more serious while David went to put on some water.
“I don’t know! I mean, there are a lot of things to consider. For one, the most important is Henry. What if it doesn’t work? What happens then, huh? Perhaps we can be grown-ups about it, but still, things could change because of whatever this is or could be. If it doesn’t work, it won’t only affect us and Henry, but the whole town,” Emma spiraled. “You saw what happened in Gilmore Girls after Luke and Lorelai broke up. The whole town was divided and I don’t want to be the cause of a division by taking sides between Regina and me!”
“Everything will be okay, honey,” Snow said, slowly nudging her to a chair at the dining table, and she sat down next to her.
“How can you be so sure about it? I mean, you’ve seen us!” she cried out, “We have the most shitty record when it comes to dating. There are a lot of things to consider that make everything difficult. It’s not a walk in the park, it’s not a simple decision. Everything we do affects others, and if we mess up, then it’s not just us.”
Snow nodded, letting Emma get every single intrusive thought out of her mind, even if she just repeated herself.
“Besides, although I don’t want to think about it, there is the age factor, she’s supposed to be older than you are! And I feel like the world has been so unfair to her. Yes, sometimes I feel like I’m older than she is, but that’s not true! What if she sees me like a child, which she has said in the past, or just like your daughter, and that complicates things, or just like Henry’s irresponsible mom!? I mean, it’s a factor to consider, you know?”
“Emma, I get it, honey. Perhaps I do not understand all the problems you think exist because I can’t see them all. But I will say a few things if you let me.” Snow waited for Emma to nod, “First of all, you’re not a child anymore. I think you both had to grow up from a very young age to survive, and I think you both deserve happiness, you both finally deserve some light shining upon your lives!” Snow said, taking Emma’s hands so she could get her full attention.
“I struggled to understand it at first, but I can see the glances you two share when you think no one is watching. I can see the smiles that form on each other's faces when one of you is around. Perhaps you can be the light each other needs in their lives.” Snow smiled while tears were forming in Emma’s eyes. “One thing I can say is that Regina will never find someone as beautiful and pure of heart as you. She will never find someone who can love her as much as you can, as you will never find someone like her.”
“But what if it isn’t meant to be? Or what if I mess it up, and everything goes to hell?”
“Well, Emma,” Snow answered, softly squeezing her hand, “The things that we value the most are what we have to work hardest for. And, if it was the case in which it isn’t meant to be, then it’s okay as well. Life can turn upside down faster than you think, and once you believe everything is said and done, it can surprise you in more ways than you can imagine.” When Emma lowered her head, not ready to accept that it could be so easy, Snow followed so she could catch her gaze. “You just have to trust that in the end, everything happens for a reason and that everything always has a brighter side, and something worth looking for.”
“I think I get that, but it just doesn’t feel bearable. Mom, the simple thought of losing her if I screw up is paralyzing me. If I was brave enough, I would just take the chance and tell her that I think about her every single day. Or find the words to say she shows up in my mind when I hear a song. Or that I think about her every time I see Henry because there’s no way biology can tell me she’s somehow not his mom.” She shook her head, her curls momentarily blocking her vision until she threw her hair back. “If she asked out of the blue how I truly felt about her, I don’t know if I would say something, or end up crying in a bathroom after I told her how I really felt. Because she is on my mind, every time I think about the sun, or when I pass through Main Street and see her tree, but I’m scared because I don’t know if she’s on the same page as me, and if she’s not, then I don’t know what I would do,” Emma stated, taking a deep breath so she wouldn’t lose her voice because of the knot forming down her throat.
Emma looked up for support, catching a quick glance between her parents. David moved for the kettle when it whistled, so he could pour the water into the cups.
“What happens if I somehow become brave enough to say it out loud, in front of her, and she has no idea what I’m talking about? I would feel like the most useless and embarrassed woman ever. What if I’m just reading way too much into everything that we do, or every little thing that she does and in the end it’s nothing? What if she’s just this way because we have become really good friends and outside of my mind it’s nothing but that, friendship. What if I’m delusional and y’all are just playing the game? What if she feels absolutely nothing for me except for respect and friendly love?” Emma frowned and continued.
“Honey,” Snow tried to interfere gently, but Emma was too far gone to stop now, so she bulldozered on.
“I’m okay with that, but why would I even go through the pain of getting her to say no to me? It would be unbearable, I’m sure of it! Because as much as I like playing fantasy in my head, I’m afraid. I love the thought of one cold evening cuddling up with her just to see a movie or the thought of perhaps dancing in the kitchen with soft jazzy music in the background as we make each other a midnight snack. Even waiting for Henry outside an event together and embarrassing him in front of every single friend. Or walking into her office with a bouquet and a coffee cause I know she didn’t have the time to make herself one and she’s too proud to go and buy one from Granny’s on a weekday. I love the fantasy, and there would be nothing I would like more than to see it come true.” She breathes, cleaning her tear-stained cheeks so she can continue.
“Emma, sweetheart,” Snow tried again, getting interrupted by her daughter, who didn’t even realize Snow was trying to speak.
“It would break me if I said how I feel about her and she doesn't feel the same. I don't want to cause her pain or anxiety. I love her, and all I know is that I want to see her happy - even if it's with someone else. I just don't want to lose her.” Emma sighed in tears. “I’ve never felt this for anyone else, and that frightens me more than anything. No one made me question every single idea I thought real, no one had ever made me feel what I feel for her, and I know that no one else ever will.”
“Oh, honey,” Snow said, getting up so she could hug her daughter while Emma cried without emitting a sound, then she sobbed for a while. It wasn’t long before David brought cups of tea from the kitchen so they could sit and calm down.
They stayed silent for a while, with an overthinking Emma going through every single person who had insinuated something between them: Ruby, her parents, and even Maleficent after eavesdropping on a conversation Emma had had with Lilith.
Mal had implied that Regina might be in the same headspace as she was, and Emma, although she resisted the thought at first, realized that it was hard not to believe her friend’s mother. After all, Mal was Regina’s oldest friend, and she knew Regina better than anyone. Maybe the same counted for Snow, who was telling Emma that she could also see Regina being Emma’s light.
Everything was very confusing for Emma. Still, the more thought she put into it, she realized it had never been so clear before. All the fog she thought was clouding her mind was a product of her fear.
Perhaps her mother was right: the things that we value the most are the ones we have to work hardest for. Mal had told her, “She finally deserves some peace in her life, after everything she’s gone through and everything she had to put up with. She finally deserves some happiness, and I think you can be a part of that.” And what her mother said, “Perhaps you can be the light each other needs in their lives.” Suddenly, the pieces of the puzzle fell together, and thinking about it there was no reason to keep this hidden for their entire lives.
If she had learned something in her life, it was that sometimes wanting to live beats the fear of living, and yes, loving is a dangerous game. Not because you’re going to play and hurt each other out of fun, but because loving means putting your heart on the front lines. It means being vulnerable in the presence of someone else with whom you want to share your life. It’s scary, because you know it will mean that if things don’t work out, then perhaps you will be getting over that special person for your entire life. But at the same time, it’s exciting for the same reasons: you are putting yourself on the front line. You have no idea how things will work out because people might never love you the way you want to be loved, but perhaps that can be okay.
That’s the fun part. They are not you; they have their own thoughts, their own problems, their own traumas. And all that makes them the one you fell for, all of that makes that person the one you love. So, yes, now Emma couldn’t bear the thought of never letting Regina know how she felt about her. No matter what happened, no matter the ghosts they both had, no matter the million problems this could bring–if they both decided to go forward with it, then they would deal with those ghost problems together. They would enjoy the million possibilities together, and that would be the best part of it all because no matter what would happen the day after tomorrow, or in a few years, they would have shared something that would stay with them.
It doesn’t matter how loving someone ends. It matters how you live it; it matters whether or not you grow from it, and it matters if you grow with the person you’re falling for.
Love is dangerous because you most certainly will hurt each other, that’s part of it. But the most important part is that loving someone can bring you peace, and that falling in love is just for a short period where chemicals in your mind are working so you can feel all insecure and giddy all the time, but being in love? Being in love is a matter of choice, and choosing to love someone? Well, that’s the most beautiful and respectful act of love someone can offer.
“I need to go,” Emma said, jumping up, giving a quick kiss to both her mom and dad, and hurrying to get her jacket and beanie.
“Where are you going, Emma?” Snow asked, chirping as if it wasn’t snowing and soon to get dark outside.
“I need to tell her how I feel about her. I can’t wait until a monster comes up to Storybrooke and threatens one of our lives. Even if telling her right now is scary, I think I want her to know this. No matter what happens next. Right?” Emma asked, reconsidering with the door open, while looking back at her parents, needing their confirmation one last time.
“What do you have to lose?” David asked and quickly received a slap on his stomach from Snow with a murderous look on her face. “I mean, you have nothing to lose, kiddo. Go get her!” He corrected himself, making Emma laugh while hurrying downstairs.
Emma did not think of starting up her car. Instead, she ran the few blocks between the loft to Regina’s. With the icy wind hitting her face, the soft sounds of families and kids being called for dinner, the last sun rays hitting a few parts of town, letting the sky get a soft eerie pink and orange glow as she ran, cried, and laughed all at the same time.
Before she realized it, she was already knocking on 108 Mifflin Street. A light turned on before Emma had a second to change her mind - not that she wanted to. Not anymore. And soon Regina opened the door, wrapped in what Emma was sure to be the softest cardigan ever.
“Emma? What are you doing out here? You’ll freeze!” Regina asked, definitely looking for the yellow bug. “Please tell me you didn’t walk here.” She closed her eyes in resignation.
“I didn’t.” Emma grinned, but Regina gave her a threatening stare. “What? I didn’t! I came here running.” Her grin grew until Regina was smiling as well.
“Oh God, Emma! What was so important you had to run all the way here?” She tried to look irritated, but it wasn’t working very well.
“I think I’m in love with you.” Emma blurted out.
“You’re what?” Regina’s eyes widened in shock.
“Did I just say that? Damn it, I had a whole speech planned. Well, not a speech, but the start of what would have been a very awkward conversation. Not that this won’t be- I have a thing for making things awkward, especially around you, but- ”
“Emma!” Regina interrupted.
“Yeah?” Emma returned a dopey smile
“Can you repeat what you just said?” Regina asked, stepping out onto the porch with Emma, clutching the cardigan tightly against the wind.
“I think I’m in love with you?” Emma asked, suddenly more nervous than all day.
Silence fell between them. Only the bark of conversing dogs in the distance, the sound of people arriving home and getting ready to rest broke the quiet around them.
Emma shuffled when the silence prolonged. “I can’t stop ignoring or hiding what I feel for you anymore, and it scares the crap out of me!. But every time I think of home, I picture you and Henry. Every time I feel tired or excited about a day, I can’t wait to tell you all about it. When I feel sick, all I want is to text you. Regina, I think about you every single day, and I hope I’m not crossing any lines here. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I love you. And there was this feeling inside my chest screaming at me to just say it out loud, to you.” Emma said, not moving an inch from where she was, not even wanting to look at Regina in case her reaction wasn’t a good one.
“I don’t know what to do with it anymore because all it has done is to grow. I think it started many years ago as a crush, and it has grown into something I had never imagined to be possible. It’s something that eats me alive. It’s come to the point where I dream about you hugging me, and when I hear a favorite song of yours or one that now I’ve linked to you I want to let you know. And it just got to this point where there was no other reasonable choice than to tell you how I feel about you because I thought that at least you deserved to know. I just want to say that I want to share pancakes for dinner with you, I want to slow dance in the kitchen to your favorite jazz singers in the middle of prepping midnight snacks; I want to share my life with you. I want to lighten all burdens you have, I want to listen to you every single day of my life. I want to love you for as long as you let me.”
Regina stood there, as the sun set on the side of the house, slow tears falling down her rosy cheeks. Emma’s eyes started to water too, and they just stayed there, looking at each other, not even trying to fight the shy smiles that were appearing on their faces.
“I know that this whole situation is delicate, I know it might be too soon to do this whole thing, and I-”
“Are you quoting Taylor Swift right now?” Regina interrupted, a frown on her face as she tried to contain her grin.
“What?! She always knows the best thing to say!” Emma said, grimacing in the middle of a smile.
Just as she finished saying it, Regina closed the distance between them. Standing very close to each other, basking in each other's presence and the sudden warmth they felt contrasting to the cold weather.
“It is delicate,” Regina said, “But sometimes when I look into your eyes I pretend you’re all mine-” She said, and before Emma could say anything else, which she was about to do, Regina closed the distance between them with a gentle kiss.
It was the kiss that their souls had been waiting for their entire lives. There was no rush, it felt like they had all the time in the world, which they kind of did. There was nothing special with their kiss, no fireworks, no sudden heat, no passionate turn, just them.
Emma and Regina were two people who were both hurt in the past, who shared traumas and at the same time, were completely different people.
One kiss, one soft, simple, gentle kiss took their breath away. As they parted, they noticed two things. First, the way their eyes shone as they looked at each other, how simple it was to smile once you felt at peace, safe in the arms of the one you loved. Second, they heard their son excitedly shouting from inside the house, catching him through a window as he did a victory dance with his fists thrown in the air.
“So… This is love, huh?” Emma closed her eyes one more time, softly holding Regina’s cheek.
“This is love.” Regina tenderly answered, blushing as they hugged each other, with a new sense of peace.
— The End