Work Text:
The New York winds around the harbour were rising. A bleak day had defined the skies in a dome of white. In this moment, you were just finishing up packing some nondescript parcels into boxes for a cargo ship. Attaching padlocks to each box, you put the keys in and snapped them in half. This was boring work, but it payed. The guys you were usually on with had already gone. There was a disco night at one of the bars they adored, and lord forbid they were late for disco night. You let them go without so much as a word. The work was not heavy enough to require so many tracksuits at once, it was mostly for protection. You honestly wanted to appreciate the silence. But you could not.
You had an argument with this woman you were seeing, maybe three weeks ago. You had known from the get go that though you were alike in humour, she was by far a better person. She was not from your part of town, and seemed far too happy to be involved in any sort of organised criminal activity. More of the anarchist type. Yet, there was no reason for her to have been that much better than you. Things broke apart quickly after. Worst part was, you had found out on the job, with her in a Hawkeye suit and your buddies with baseball bats. To say you shat yourself was an understatement. You had told them to ignore her, but your brother had met her before, to say the least, and went full hulk. Safe to say there was some tension on both sides of your life right now.
Grumbling, you collected the key heads into a plastic bag to be melted down and used again for something else. After, you put your matching red tracksuit jacket and braced the cold. Clutching your arms and back, the wind rushed through the fabric, and you swore quietly to yourself. With both hands, you gripped the shipping container’s door and began to heft it closed with a creak and clang. After, you slipped out your burner phone and shot a text to your boss.
Not waiting for a response, you took off. The waves were crashing as tide approached, vapour rushing over your scalp. Because there was no one to tell you no, you took a more scenic route around some of the fancy boats. You read the names as they went, only to see in bright purple letters, ‘The Bishop’. You swore again.
Kate called you an asshole, a spy, con artist. All the while, you were still processing the girl that forced you to swallow gum she found in your beer bottle was both an avenger and a millionaire. You had bought that woman so much pizza. You began to remember how hurt she had been with you. There had been bruises on both sides, but she only thought to keep you away. You were worried sick and she thought you had never cared. Frustration set in afterwards.
You just did not understand how this was your fault. Your dad had been in this, all of your siblings were in this. You never thought yourself particularly unique from them. This goon shit was what you were built for. But she had made you think, what if you weren’t doing goon shit? You liked making cocktails, you could be doing that. You could be in college, or own a small shop. You were full of the potential you had not realised you had. It was horrible. Having Kate around then gone, someone to open up your world, then leave as you get scared. You had began to realise how much you hated your life. No matter who the ring leader was, you had to constantly deal with you or your family being treated like idiots. Then they would send you to pack priceless cargo alone.
You put a hand through your hair and tried to think of what a more kind life would be like. But your head kept going back to Kate, and that was a bit gay. You had finally made it back to the stone boardwalk. Your shoes were too thin, feet aching from standing up too long. You checked your phone to see a reply saying, ‘all good, head home’, like you were too dumb to have started already. Stuffing the phone away, you gripped your arms as another gust of wind past over. You hated your boss and you wanted her.
“I fucking miss her,” you muttered. Then you realised nothing was really stopping you. “Fine.”
There was no other option in your head. You began to head down the way you knew Kate was roughly living. Perhaps the uniform was a bad idea, not to mention literally no New Yorker really knew the city based off of the sea. But you had to see her now. If there was a conversation, maybe she would feel the same. You walked briskly, then brisker, then all of a sudden you were running. One foot after the other, over and over, you sprinted down in the hopes of finding her. Where your lungs would usually burn the gust filled them and you kept going. You felt to dumb but you kept going until you nearly collapsed. Panting, you scuttled along, looking for a familiar street sign or name. Instead you hit the jackpot.
Perched on a rusty fishing boat, you saw a woman with wildly blowing black hair an a bow on her back. Nearly laughing, you made your way over. Taking a brief pause to try catch your breath, you began to call out, “Kate!”
She ignored you.
“Kate, I’m down here! I needed to see you!” You explained.
Finally rounding to her side, you saw she was fiddling with arrow head.
“I know you can hear me, Katherine,” you chastised, “I just want to talk.”
Sighing, she tuned to peer down at you, firmly unimpressed. The sun began to set, and the palest yellow rays danced across her eyes and made them glow. There was almost a pout on her face, but she did her best to cover it up. You thought she looked completely radiant.
Completely cool, she said, “fuck off.”
“Look, I know this,” you gestured to your tracksuit. “Is a lot. I’m in pretty deep and I didn’t say anything, I’m sorry that was shitty. I could have told you.”
Kate looked back down at her arrow head, choosing her words slowly and carefully. “You know, I have dated some pretty out there people in my time, but a gang member is a bit much. Even for me.”
You sort of stood with your mouth open for a minute. “If it helps,” you did not think it would, “I’m pretty low ranking, more or less a goon. Not really the brains or important.”
Kate started to spin the arrow head between her thumb and pointer finger, “yeah, I got the picture when your brother bashed me over the head. You know, when people talk about family bonding, they don’t literally mean melding their heads together with iron bats.”
You rubbed your scalp as you thought. This looked bad, you felt bad, your job was bad. Kate was more pissed than that time you ordered olives instead of pepperoni for Lucky. Way worse. To the point you nearly punched yourself for comparing the two. Kate almost seemed like she was out on an island away from you, as if weeks of distance had passed and you had only just noticed. But you still felt a glint of hope within you. You spread your arms out and tried to be honest.
“Look, I’m a loser from a shitty part of the city and took the easy way out. Fair,” you said, “but I’m not going to pretend it was really that bad. I didn’t have any money, a home, skills, grades, a fucking drivers license. My entire family is under their thumb, so if I didn’t join I’d have been their chew toy. Someone else for them to terrorise whilst the police do nothing. I needed the dignity, protection. I needed to pay rent and eat food and buy you a fuck ton of pizza. Maybe I could get out of it now, maybe. But at the same time, I never knew who you were, that I was going to meet you.”
Kate kept it spinning, “if you knew who I was, would you have never spoken to me?”
“Well that depends, gorgeous,” you thought for a moment, not really thinking about how anything sounded.
You closed your eyes. You decided to think about a bar in your area. You loved the multi colour lights, the art on the walls, the bartender taught you how to make Manhattans. Kate had gone with you a couple times and you had never seen someone dressed more classy in that place. If you were going to re-meet Kate somewhere, you would want it to be with a smirk on her face and a Manhattan in her hand.
“How… how much have I drank? Am I in my uniform? Is my boss there? Are you wearing that big coat? Is your hair down? Did you look at me? Are you smiling? I don’t think any amount of danger that would stop me swooning if I saw you smiling.” You opened your eyes and shook your head, “but the number of beer bottles I have purchased would honestly be the deciding factor.”
You looked up to see Kate back again. Her eyes were far softer, lips in a thin line. There was an intensity to her gaze that made you shut up immediately. Your arms were still spread out and you suddenly realised you looked ridiculous.
“I would just have to smile?” Is all she said.
“I suppose you don’t see what I see, but yeah,” you nodded your head, “I’m stupid for that smile. Can’t go a day without it.”
Kate pocketed the arrowhead and effortlessly hopped down. She took a couple steps closer to you, crossing her arms. “You’ve just gone three weeks, you’re still breathing.”
“Breathing isn’t living, Kate,” You slapped your arms into your side. “Any ape can breathe. I haven’t smiled, slept, cried, laughed. I need you for everything that makes life worth living.”
Kate bit the inside of her cheek as you spoke. “I… I won’t lie. Lucky has missed you. But, I can’t date a gang member. Nonnegotiable.”
You rub your temples, “baby, I miss you-“
“I miss you too! I dated you, I care for you!” Kate interrupted, “I trusted you. It hurt because you didn’t stand in. I get why, I know poverty and crime are an evil cycle the American welfare and justice systems ignore and exploit to create a pool of free labour in our prison systems. You and your brother were both just acting as inevitable statistics in a cruel system.”
All of those words went over your head, “of course.”
“But, if we’re doing this, going steady and all that gay shit. I need us to be on the same team,” Kate explained. “I’m an Avenger, that’s not changing. I can’t ask you to change anything, but I can’t stay with you if this is how you want to live you’re life.”
You did nothing more than blink. Kate could keep herself cool, separate. You never realised that sent you to a different planet where you were not insane about her. You found your spirits lifting when you realised she might just feel the same.
“Kathrine Bishop,” you began, “you have blatantly lied about being a millionaire and I have bought you nearly one thousand dollars worth of pizza over a six month time period. And I’m not mad. Because I’m stood here, staring at the prettiest woman alive, who could kick the shit out of me, which makes it better for some reason.” Your mouth hangs over as your smart brain finally catches up with you, “You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I can’t live without you.”
Kate looked at you, still a little closed off. She took a couple steps, close enough to wrap her arms around your waist. You put your hands on her hero costume, surprised by how comfortable the material felt. Her arms always felt great to hold. Up close, it was like you could see each thing flitting across her eyes like an old picture film. She blinked twice in that time. You had not realised how close she was until she placed a slow kiss on your lips. You felt like you were taking a brath, but you knew your lungs were not moving. She leaned further into you, and you wrapped your arms around her neck. You felt anchored. That the thrumming the heart right there with your own was joined to you. The only moment that you truly felt fully there, was with that heart. When she eventually pulled away, you took in the best breath of fresh air in your life.
“That is the gayest shit I’ve ever heard in my entire life,” Kate teased, finally smiling.
You grew ecstatic, “you want something gayer?”
“Yeah.”
Happily, you kissed her back. Your hands cupped her cheeks to keep the cold off of them. Kate kept your foreheads together with her eyes closed. You wanted to kiss every inch of her face, and she laughed as you tried. Opening up to you again, her eyes were more vibrant, with the ocean glistening within them. Every intense feeling that you had, she had suffered too, and you got to wash it all flood away. Then it was only Kate again, no walls. There were only two people on earth.
“So you’re out?” Kate asked.
You finally began to think about what that meant. Moving all belongings in under an hour, needing to lay low from everyone you have ever known, family, friends. Chances are your they would never speak to you again. Or they would try hunt you down like a stray deer. Then again, what kind of family would choose a gang over their loved one? You were going to go out there and do so many things whether they chose to acknowledge it or not. You were terrified, but elated.
“I would beginning the three month process to get them to leave me alone,” you admitted. “But yes.”
Kate rolled her eyes, “please, Clint was in the circus and still runs into sword people and shit every other week. I just want you off their missions and payroll.”
“Hawkeye was in the circus?” You questioned.
“Shhhhhhhh.” Kate kissed you again. “Just focus on how hot I am.”
“Mmmmm,” you pretend to forget, “depends. Are you going to put on those purple shades?”
Kate only laughed at kissed you again. “I’m going to keep you close. I’m going to make sure they can’t hurt you.”
“I’ll never keep anything like that from you again,” you decreed. “I promise, Kate.”
“Don’t be a dummy. I know you’re not going to change in a day,” Kate kept smiling, “ but we’re both going to start doing that, bit by bit. I’ll prove it to you, and you to me. Tomorrow, a month from now, a year. We’ll walk together.”
“Every day, with not a moment without you."