Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Squall

"I'm sure you can imagine what happens now," Seifer drawls.

Squall hangs from an archaic, hulking, menacing metal frame. He feels like a fly caught in a web. Behind the metal wall he can hear the sophisticated hum of technology, dread builds in his chest, he's under no illusions that he will be leaving this room unscathed.

Squall spits out defiantly: "There's no SeeD secrets. Even if there were, you think I'd tell you?"

His captors chuckle, Seifer especially. "Didn't think you'd talk that easily. You're on my tough-nut-to-crack list, considering ... "

"Considering...?"

"Considering how broken your soulbond is, Squall, how long has your soulbond been hurting you now? A year, more than a year?"

Squall venomously glares at the man, growling as he tugs on his restraints! How dare he- How fucking dare he! How low has Seifer fallen to use Squall's soulbond against him, to exploit the fact that his soulmate is in near-constant agony and Squall can only suffer with them and not help! (Some days the soulbond is so overwhelmed with painful sensations that Squall collapses and takes sick leave, it’s akin to torture …)

“The usual pain won't cut it with how desensitised you are. You Both are,” Sefier smugly continues. “So here's a little somethin' for ya.”

The frame hums louder with electricity, then - "Aaaahhhh!"

He thrashes in the cage, ‘Make it stop! Make it stop!’

Seifer laughs when it's over, Squall pants for breath. "Think they felt that? Some soulmate you are," he taunts. Squall glares at him through his bangs, fists balling against his restraints.

‘ I don't know anything … I can’t give him what he wants, this won’t stop …’

He’s right.

Squall loses track of time, much like he does on the really bad soulbond days, when all he can do is lay there in pain and hope that it passes quickly. He learnt quickly to seek out positive sensations to counterbalance the bad; some days he focuses on sending the sensation of the sun on his skin through the bond or the feeling of working muscles, and hopes his soulmate can take comfort in the impressions he sends his way.

Squall distracts himself wherever possible, even now, proving that he is tough like Seifer expected. After a while, he faintly feels the slight sensation of water through the soulbond and cold air sharp in his mouth …

It's odd, but Squall appreciates the distraction. His soulmate is only trying to help.

After god knows how long a soldier marches in. "Sir Seifer, the missiles targeted for the Garden are ready to launch."

"Excellent."

“What!” Squall rasps, his voice is thrashed. "N-no … Seifer you can’t-"

The blond shakes his head slowly, looking nostalgic. " … It's a pity. I grew up there too. But orders are orders." Seifer snaps his fingers and another thousand volts light up the room and Squall’s senses. Seifer monologues as Squall suffers.

"... It'll be fun Squall, don't die on me yet."

‘I don't know anything, why do you keep asking me? Just …’ For a brief moment Squall wishes for the unthinkable, then a small sharp pain in his hands wakes him. Fingernails, digging into skin ... tingling through the soulbond ...

Squall blinks. ‘ I can't die here. I have to meet them…’ He grits his teeth, a flood of gratitude and regret pouring through his body. ‘I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry for this ... bear with me for a bit longer.’

(Phantom water laps at his chest …)

He tricks the guard into coming closer. "Your b ... br ... eath st ...stinks ..." Squall gasps, spitting in the man's face.

"Punk ... you asked for it!"

Squall grimly braces himself, and quietly apologises to his poor soulmate for provoking his captors. ‘ Forgive me ... forgive me for putting us through this …’

He screams as the electricity hits him.

"How's that? How do you like me now?"

The switch is held down, for longer and longer.

(He prays for it to be over, he begs for his soulmate's mercy, he hopes for a miracle …)

Squall hangs panting for breath when the guard finally lets up on the leaver. Over the bond, he feels a familiar sensation; his chest tightening and aching, his throat burns, his eyes sting. Squall fights back tears, for the sake of not showing weakness. (But ... he hates it when he can feel his soulmate crying …)

Cloud

Cloud whimpers, still, after all this time, too weak to walk. Too weak to help, too weak to save the man who'd finally gotten them both out of that hell.

"'s alright Spike," Zack breathes out. He cover's Cloud's hand. "'s ok ..."

Cloud shakes his head, ‘You should have left me there,’ he thinks. ‘Then you'd be alive, you could go back to her, your soulmate. She's been waiting and worrying for you all this time, just like mine, whoever they are.’

In the back of Cloud's head a soft concern washes through his soulbond, Cloud has nothing but anguish and despair to give back and is not in the least comforted as he has been in the past. (In that tube, during those Mako experiments, the emotions of his soulmate anchored him to reality.)

The Shinra scientists could blind, deafen, and drug him into a malaise; but they could not block his soulbond … Cloud is forever grateful to whomever his soulmate is, their steady attention in his darkest hours stopped Cloud from losing himself. But he never would have left that hell if it had not been for Zack.

Out of the two of them,  Zack is the one who should live.

Zack who had met his soulmate, someone who misses him, a girl to fight for. Zack who now lies bleeding out in the wastelands because Cloud was too weak and broken to help, he slowed Zack down, held him back ...

He sobs.

Zack smiles at him, "Shh, for the both of us ... you're ... gonna live," he clumsily tugs Cloud down into a hug.

Cloud clings to him, blood covering his chest and hair.

Zack pats his head fondly, Cloud cries harder at the familiar gesture. ‘Please let this be a dream, let me wake up back in the lab, in the hospice, in the tube, anything but this.’

"My dreams, my honour, they're yours now," Zack presses his sword into his hands.

Cloud shakes his head, "Aerith, you have to ... for Aerith, Zack, come on! Get up," he pleads.

Zack's eyes fill with tears of his own, he rests a hand over his chest, over his heart mournfully. "She knows, Cloud," he whispers. "She already knows."

Oh poor Aerith. Cloud’s heart breaks.

Two tears fall from Zack's eyes but a gentle smile graces his lips. An aura of contentment and of love settles upon him like a pair of wings. Despite the blood and grime of his lost battle he looks angelic, holy, at peace. (Cloud despairs, seeing that a soulmate who is not even here can do more for Zack than he can.)

Zack squeezes Cloud's hand over the sword's handle, "Hey, do me ... a favour? If you ... see ... Aerith ... tell her ... I said ... hi …"

Cloud sobs. As he nods his own soulmate's concern rises in response, and a wave of positivity and care floods Cloud's system, like an emotional embrace. (Cloud rejects it, he is unworthy.)

Zack says his last words to Cloud. "I'm your living legacy," Cloud repeats, agreeing to anything in this moment to make his friend's passing easier (like Aerith is doing from afar) ...

Zack smiles, his eyes sparkle with all the love in the world, all the gratitude for his brief time here ... his hand falls to his side ...

Cloud holds the anguish inside as long as he can, to not disturb the peace his friend shrouds himself in. He holds it until his chest aches, until his clenched teeth threaten to shatter. His soulmate sends him concern, care, and it breaks Cloud. He bitterly screams his anguish to the heavens.

His soulbond hums with relief.

Over the last few days, through his stress and patheticness during his escape the positivity and relief of his soulmate has been increasing, day by day, his soulmate got happier. (Are they enjoying his misery?)

Cloud shakes his head, what is good about this? What is good about this?! "Shut up! Just shut up!" he wills the light emotions away ... well away ...

Zack deserved the world, he was good, he was brave, Cloud was nothing in comparison and he knew it. It should have been him who left a soulmate grieving, at least his soulmate didn’t know him enough to miss him … (Would they miss him, if they felt such happiness at his despair?)

It should have been him laying here, Cloud knows it should have been him. He cries all over again imagining Aerith weeping in Midgar, her soulbond's hum silent and still ... how terrible. 

The happiness glows in his bond; care, support, and pride.

“Shut up … go away …” Cloud weeps.

1 - I can't tell you how you feel ...

Sensations of pain across the soul bond; a pressure in his chest, aches behind his eyes, and a slight pinch upon his lip. Leon rests a hand on his collarbones sadly, until the worst of the minor sensation passes.

He’s familiar with this feeling, the phantom pain of forcing back tears.

Leon sighs. He closes his eyes, thinking of the old trick of imagining a pleasant sensation (the feeling of wind in his hair) and willing it to reach him … yes, him.

He looks up at the ceiling mildly hopeful, listening to the heavy footsteps … There’s a pause … then a loud thump. Leon winces as his knuckles jolt with pain.

Leon winces. ‘Ouch.’ Cloud must have punched something upstairs …

Alone, giving into a moment of weakness he carefully rubs his thumb over the smarting spots on his knuckles, soothing the pain silently; ‘I care, I’m sorry.’

(He loved him. His strength, his sarcasm, his protective drive.)

His heart sinks as he recognises the familiar sounds of Cloud, once again, packing up his life to leave. Upstairs drawers open and slam, and Leon stares at his tingling hands numbly. (Cloud is so rough with himself.)

It has to be him … and yet …

(Cloud never responds.)

Gloomily, Leon puts his gloves back on, his thoughts on the handsome blond upstairs who (may or may not be h)is soulmate.

Four years of torture, a voice whispers in the back of Leon’s head … Four years held prisoner in a science lab, undergoing Mako poisoning and experiments. Exactly matching Leon’s four years of soulbond activity, so active people called it broken.

(Maybe they were more right than they realised.)

It’s too big of a synchronicity to not be him, and yet he never responds.

He’s been through so much, life rarely shapes strong people with kind hands and Leon’s experienced all the pain that could shape someone so determined and enduring.

 Leon swallows a painful lump in his throat as a fresh sting of rejection cuts him deep once again. He remembers the tale of four years of pain. He remembers seeing the deep scar on his chest close to his heart, one with a matching exit wound (he remembers the lung full of blood, the cold burn of steel, he remembers falling and clutching his chest so white that his friends thought he had been- they’re gone now … ).

He doesn’t know the story for every wound, but he knows exactly where each healed hurt is …

(I found you … why can ’t you feel me?)

Leon kisses his own knuckles. ‘ Please, I care for you, you’re amazing, please forgive me … I love you …’

Upstairs, the speed of Cloud’s packing increases. Leon puts his head in his hands, the urge to cry almost a physical pain. It builds, a hot pressure in his chest and behind his eyes.

Is this for causing Cloud more pain in his past, for not being careful enough as a mercenary and reminding Cloud of his years of torture through their bond? Is this for forcing Cloud to stay and fight another battle against the heartless against his wishes? Has he not done enough … is he really broken after all, is he just not good enough?

(This is always the worst part.)

By the time Cloud stomps downstairs Leon has taken several calming breaths, he won’t fall apart here, no matter how much it hurts.

He watches from the kitchen doorway Cloud, duffle bag over his shoulder, walks to retrieve his buster sword by the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Don’t know yet,” Cloud murmurs, hiding his face as if Leon cannot feel the phantom ache in his chest from his soulmate hurting.

“When will you be back?”

Cloud freezes. “I don’t know … I- I’m not coming back.”

(What? No … No!)

Leon is on his feet, Cloud in his arms, before he knows what he is doing. (What is he doing? Don’t go! ) He holds him tight, pressing his head into Cloud’s shoulder until all he can feel is the hum of their soulbond. He wills away their urges to cry, the pain they’ve felt too much of over their lives.

“Is it because of what I said earlier?”

Cloud shakes, and then croaks, “It’s better this way.”

The blond is choking back sobs, Leon can feel it, and he doesn’t understand! Their bond is full of pain, repressed tears, the pressure of Leon’s hug as he desperately holds him, the lingering smarts of his knuckles.

“You don’t want to-”

“Don’t you dare try to tell me what I feel!” Cloud snaps.

Leon bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, to send something back to him; ‘I’m here, I’m right here, please Cloud …’

(Nothing. Why is he so numb to Leon’s sensations, he isn’t a cruel man (He’s only cruel in moments like this when he leaves)).

Cloud breaks free from Leon’s arms as easily as he breaks his heart. Leon watches him leave, and falls to his knees when the door clicks closed, his tears fall with the pain of two souls as his soulmate walks out of his life …

2 - I can't tell you how I feel ...

Cloud morosely pours himself another drink in the dank motel room. It’s pointless, he cannot get drunk anymore, but he wants to at least try and numb himself.

The whiskey burns down his throat, and his soulbond hums full of intense emotions. It has been humming since he left. Sadness and gloom, moments of anger, sporadic waves of guilt and regret late at night …

(He pours another glass.)

It’s better this way, he just needs to stick it out long enough for the brunet to heal from his heartbreak and to realise that he’s mistaken. Then he can move on and be happy, hopefully with his real soulmate.

Cloud sighs, regretful himself as he plays back how he’d accidentally strung Leon along, how he knew that Leon felt nothing that Cloud sent his way and yet … he somehow endeared himself to the wonderful man.

He got close to him, helped him up when he felt down, basked in his happiness and pride, and positively glowed when Leon admired him in turn. He did some dorky things to make him chuckle, to feel the sparkle of happiness in his soul. He learnt what got him down and when terrible memories pulled at his spirit, and learnt how to guide him away from that.

Leon is so much clumsier, but he tries to do the same.

Cloud drinks.

He should have stayed away, but the brunet was just his type, and he was kind. He never hurt Cloud, even though he never pulled a punch in snark or in sparring; he was safe.

So he didn’t say no when Leon offered him a place to stay, took him up on his offers to train and get stronger, and he even accepted his help in tracking down Sephiroth once and for all. (Like an idiot,) He accepted Leon into every part of his life, and got accepted into his in turn. 

(“I think you are my soulmate.”)

‘I’’m sorry, Leon. It’s for your own good.’ He sadly sends a wave of regret and love through his bond, making it sing a sad harmony to Leon’s depression … Leon continues uninterrupted, of course, not hearing Cloud’s call.

(“You think … you feel me? - Of course I do. I always have.”)

Cloud picks up the bottle instead of the glass and drinks deeply, trying to drown the guilt of leaving Leon and of leading him on.

(“You never said anything.” - “Heh, neither did you.” - “Fair!”)

Leon was not wrong. Cloud feels him. But he is not entirely right …

(Cosy meals late at night, snarky, nerdy book reviews in the mornings, offers of help that Leon accepted with warmth inside and out .)

Cloud can feel him clear as day. Clearer than the whisky in the glass. But it is abundantly obvious that Leon can not feel him back.

(Love, joy, “Then, you feel that? What do I feel?” - confusion, humour, “You feel fine.” - “What?” - “Well … you haven’t done anything yet, silly.”)

He is not Leon’s soulmate. It made little sense at first when Leon seemed undeniably his . But Leon was not feeling him in turn, the bond was somehow one way. Cloud’s heartbreak when he realised that he was just a voyeur to Leon’s soulbond with another was indescribable, mixed with horror and shame.

(He finishes the bottle.)

He can only listen to Leon, Leon cannot hear him back, his bond is … onesided.

Unthinkably, onesided.

The moment he figured that out, when it all made sense … Cloud thought that watching Zack die was the worst day of his life, but now it had competition.

Leon’s bond, where he hears his soulmate’s emotions, belongs to someone else, it’s tied somewhere else … not here, not to Cloud’s heart, no matter how much he loves him … no matter how loudly he fills it with all the desperate emotions he feels, Leon cannot hear him.

Cloud hiccups and buries his head in his hands, his guilt and regret and disgust rage through him; he tried to steal another person’s soulmate … gorgeous, snarky, intelligent and proud Leon not his ; and Cloud does not know if he loves or hates his broken link for showing him just how beautiful the man is on the inside.

He didn’t know what else to do but leave.

Leon’s emotions helped him survive the Mako poisoning, but knowing they weren’t for him made their confusing messages make sense. Of all the fucked up thing that Shinra did to him, did they also manage to fuck up his soul bond (or was he always broken)?

Cloud pulls at his hair, gasping pathetic breaths and sobs between gulping the remains of the bottle.

His soulbond hums bright with curiosity and concern … it proves Cloud right, he’s been feeling rotten all this time, nothing has changed. Whatever Leon might have sensed through his soulbond to feel concern it clearly hasn’t come from Cloud.

Cloud’s phone beeps.

He glances at it reluctantly.

Leon: Are you okay?

Leon: If you need to talk …

Cloud pushes his phone away and punches the wall. ‘I love you. I love you so much, you … I don’t deserve you. You deserve the world.’

Seconds later: Beep beep!

Leon: Please take care of yourself.

Leon: We all miss you.

‘I know,’ Cloud thinks. ‘I know you do, and I shouldn’t be able to. I’m no good for you. I’m not the one.’

Leon: I’m sorry I said …

Leon: We can pretend …

Leon: You don’t need to …

Leon: Please come home?

Cloud shakes his head, forcing himself to be strong as he waits for Leon’s hopes to dash. A soulmate should lift him up, so Cloud cannot bring himself to steal anymore of Leon’s time.

Deep, soul rocking sadness. So sharp it makes Cloud gasp.

Beep Beep!

Leon: You don’t have to live with me anymore.
You don’t have to talk to me.
I’ll never do anything to hurt you.
I’m sorry I …

I’m sorry.

‘You don’t have to, I know you’d never hurt me. Not like … ’ Cloud sniffs and rubs at his eyes (Care and love and sadness wrap around him like a blanket). Leon truly deserves better …

3 - I want to be there, for the pleasure and the pain ...

Leon knew that his soulmate is also a fighter.

When he was twenty one his soulbond once so full of constant pain fell quieter. He remembered feeling the pain start to ebb and grew worried; what if they were dying? Would he lose them so soon? But, even after years of torture, his soulmate (Cloud?) fought on.

He stares up at the ceiling as his fingertips trace invisible wounds light enough to draw goosebumps. He recalls echoes of muscle pain, and the sharp jabs of cuts, of bullets, and the ache of bruises through his bond.

Leon sighs, he deeply admired their strength in his youth, and longed to stand by their side so they may never need to go through such pain again. Deep down he wanted to find them, stand by them, change all those sensations from pain to pleasure- a side of the bond Leon so rarely felt but knew his soulmate deserved after all he had been through …

Leon’s fingers cease touching his body. He finds no pleasure in it, and the remembrance makes Leon sad. After all this time waiting, surviving his own world ending, he only got the chance to make Cloud feel loved once …

(A touch lingered extra long one night. A shy proposition disguised casually, a shy response with feigned confidence; each uncertain, calling each other’s bluff; both wanting this but feeling that it is too good to be true . Kissing against the bedroom door, it feels so familiar, so good … then to the bed-)

That terrible scar on his chest, and Leon knew for sure that he was the one …

( He wishes he had never told him- why had that changed … why?)

His phone sits on the dresser, silent, full of one sided messages with no replies. He’d begged him to come back, at first. He’d promised to never speak of that night, of them. He would accept never seeing him again like that, so long as he came back, so long as he was safe …

‘Why can’t I reach you?’ Leon rests his hand on his heart. Cloud still hurts, even now … (I don’t understand how being your soulmate hurts you so much. It hurts, it hurts!) He cries at night. Leon feels the burn in his throat, the ache of his ribs, the sting in his eyes; and Leon can only cry with him.

Even though it breaks his heart to sense Cloud crying, he holds close these small instances as proof that the soulbond exists even if it’s broken, it’s real.

Leon drifts to sleep on melancholy thoughts, and awakens only a handful of hours later uncomfortably warm and feeling … strange …

Blearily he turns on his bedside light and looks around the room. He sees nothing out of place, and the window is slightly open upon its latch, undisturbed. He turns his face to the cool air that drifts into his room, puzzled as to why he feels so hot. It isn’t unpleasant, but it is unexplained, confusing …

Leon sleepily settles back on his pillow and starts to drift away again when an unexpected sensation shoots up his spine. He sits up with a gasp, wide awake.

That felt … pleasant. Too pleasant.

Leon flinches as it comes again.

A touch, echoing and tingly. Firm fingertips tracing from the base of his neck to his pecs, lazily rolling around a nipple; an undefined hand perhaps through fabric; it applies nice pressure against his chest, his abs, his crotch- oh!

Leon blushes. He swallows nervously. This is Cloud’s pleasure.

Sensations are not only related to pain, pleasure is also a sensation. The touches shimmer lazily through the soulbond, lighting up Leon’s nerves with whispers of the real thing, (It’s like that night, the heat, the desire, the pleasure-) his breathing quickens.

Leon bites his lip, it’s so rare that Cloud indulges in his body.

Leon isn’t a prude, exactly, he was a teenager once, but with the soulbond being full of pain for most of his young adult life … It presented a few unique challenges and thoughts that greatly slowed Leon’s ability to enjoy himself.

First and foremost was the nervousness of sharing this with a suffering soulmate, would it be insensitive? What if he did something the other did not like, he had no way to know! Then the knowledge that he’d be sharing a part of himself; what if they judged? It was so awkward, all the sex ed teachers were blunt about how awkward it could be, but, they said, everyone gets over it in time (especially after meeting your soulmate, especially after sleeping with your soulmate ).

That last part is true: Leon felt far from awkward, but not in a good way. While before he greedily soaked up Cloud’s sensations, before he knew it was Cloud for sure (and after), now, with rejection so fresh … all Leon feels is alone.

Is … Cloud alone?

( Mine! My soulmate, mine! )

He swallows a painful lump in his throat.

Leon closes his eyes and turns his head into his pillow, all suggestions of a libido gone instantly. Instinctive betrayal, anger and jealousy spring to life in his chest, burning hot and furious within him. His fists clench and his throat tightens, he clenches both his jaw and his eyes screw closed.

Whose touch is this? (Not mine! Not mine.) It feels nice …

“Don’t you dare try to tell me what I feel!”

He flinches as those parting words play in his head, the same time the feeling of a hand runs up his thigh, indulgently caressing hip bones. It feels so nice , but the pit in his stomach continues to grow.

Did Cloud meet someone else? Is this a lover’s touch?

Mine! Something deep and primal roars, loudly objecting to anyone laying a hand on his soulmate.

He doesn’t want me! Leon thinks back, doing what he does best and repressing the hell out of his emotions, willing himself down into an unfeeling box. Cloud rejected him, he shouldn’t hold him back, he doesn’t want me …

Leon resolves to lay still until it passes. Unhappily.

Just in case there is another, he doesn't want to sully Cloud’s moment ( My soulmate! ) by adding his unwanted touch, though the soulbond is broken so … would there be any harm in-

No. He wouldn’t want to leech off of Cloud’s enjoyment when he made it clear that he did not want Leon to be a part of his life. (“Don’t you dare try to tell me what I feel!”)

Still, as this touch continues, Cloud twisting in pleasure plays in his mind. Cloud is very attractive, the pretty blond hair perfect for pulling, pouty pink lips, pale skin begging to be bitten. Leon imagines remembers the sighs and the grunts in his voice, and predicts every idle touch to drift through the soulbond.

He’s tender behind his ears, Leon knows. His neck is sensitive too. He likes a soft touch on his chest and a harder, firmer touch on his cock- Leon knows. I can make him feel better than this …

Leon knows.

The restoration leader throws an arm over his eyes, he’s so tired of crying but, just like the waves through his soulbond, just like the knowledge he’s memorised through the soulbond together , he cannot stop …

He doesn’t want me, I wish I had never told him, these sensations are not for me or about me …

More and more the pleasure builds, (someone?) somewhere, bringing his soulmate to the brink. ( Mine! He doesn’t want me! It should be me touching him! He can’t hear me! Not my touch! I’m broken! )

Leon sobs, and it’s completely hysterical. Fuck this.

He pulls on a shirt and his boots, picks up his sword, and runs out of the house. He leaves the safety of the town, and the moment he sees a heartless he lets loose in a way he hasn’t since he lost his entire world to the darkness.

Blinding rage, all consuming despair, and yet a dysphoria in the form of numbness. Nothing matters, he doesn’t matter, the enemy doesn’t matter, it’s all overwhelmingly painful and depressing that Leon has no choice but to retreat into apathy to survive it.

“Don’t you dare try to tell me what I feel!”

Another heartless destroyed.

‘When will you be back?’

‘I’m not coming back.’

The gunblade fires, bullets cut through bloodless husks.

…

A phone without messages.

Touches upon his soulmate’s body.

“It’s better this way.”

His own blood spills in battle.

“You feel fine.”

“Don’t you dare try to tell me what I feel!”

( He doesn’t want me! )

Leon roars and falls to his knees. Everything around him is dead or destroyed. When had he started hacking at the walls? He throws away his gunblade and presses his head into his knees.

Wet cheeks rub uncomfortably against his jeans. The touches stopped at some point, and he’s so wrung out and exhausted he cannot tell what aches are his or the result of his soulbond. It’s miserably numb … at last. ( He hates it ).

Beep Beep! Beep Beep!

Leon jumps. His phone?

He takes the device out of his pocket.

Incoming call …

4 - I want to come home again.

“Hello?”

“... Hi.”

“H-hi …”

“Um … are you alright?”

“... … no.”

“...”

-----------------------------

He did not realise that he only drove a few miles away. It felt like a longer distance when he drove away, coming back though, the land flies below the tires.

‘What am I doing?’ Cloud wonders again, taking the turn back toward Radiant Gardens. ‘Wasn’t I leaving to give him a better chance?’

-----------------------------

“What happened?”

“...”

“Okay, I deserve that …”

“...”

“Are you … safe?”

“... yeah.”

“Okay …”

“...”

“...”

“Why did you call?”

-----------------------------

‘Why did I call?’

Cloud grips the handlebars on his bike. Last night, after waking from a nice dream (a really nice dream about a certain brunet ) and indulging fully once he had woken up, his bond ( one sided ) went … insane. Gods, light, whatever; Cloud never felt such a maelstrom of emotions, not even when Zack died in his arms.

It was the most terrifying half hour of his life, and he was nowhere near his soulmate Leon to figure out what had caused that, to help him, to keep him safe hold him close and make him feel better-

He gasped.

“What am I doing?”

A soulmate is supposed to … a soulmate is supposed to make … (Aerith, so far away, giving Zack all her love so he would feel loved when he-)

Cloud picked up the phone. He couldn’t reach Leon like Aerith could with Zack but …

It rang. He redialled. Again and again and again until-

-----------------------------

“Can you … will you come home?”

“... okay …”

-----------------------------

He took a final turn and Radiant Garden’s majestic walls rose out of the purple rocks, a safe haven in a wilderness full of monsters. His soulbond sparks nervously, spikes of emotion here and there; uncertainty, doubt, fear, confusion, hope … (so fail but so bright).

Cloud pulled the accelerator.

He races faster and faster back home .

Then, the bond lights up with identical waves of emotion. The Radiant Garden early-defence-warning sirens wail to life. Cloud’s heart seizes with twin waves of alarm. Far in the distance, approaching the wall fast, is a colossal Heartless. Drawn to the town full of thriving hearts.

Cloud curses, and forces his engine up another gear.

Leon’s bond lights up with determination, Cloud can nearly picture him shouting orders for evacuations and for fighters to gather. The bright emotion shines over the underlying hum of nerves (the bond flickers with a new feeling every few moments; compassion, fear, anger, impatience, and deep worry).

‘I’m on my way,’ Cloud thinks as a promise, he grips the handles tight enough to hurt and sends assurance through the bond. He draws his buster sword as he starts to close the distance between the hulking monster before it can even reach the walls. ‘I’m not going to let this thing destroy all you’ve built!’

“Will you come home?”

Yes! “Okay.” I never should have left!

5 - (Sora to the rescue).

Beep … beep … beep … beep …

‘Something’s on my face.’ Cloud rolls his head, trying to dislodge the unwelcomed touch. It doesn’t move and his rest continues to be disturbed. He screws his eyes shut, rebelling against the urge to wake up, trying to block out the smell of potions and disinfectant, and the beeping …

Where am I?

He blinks his eyes open slowly. Something plastic is stuck to his face, it covers his nose and mouth. It’s an oxygen mask. Cloud pushes it down under his chin with a very stiff and uncoordinated hand.

‘Why do I have a mask on? This is the hospital?’

Cloud looks around, full of unease. Ever since Shinra he has never liked hospitals. This one seems familiar … (Which does not make him feel better.)

Before he can get worked up, or get far in planning an escape, the door to his room opens and a familiar face peers around the corner.

“Cloud!” a young boy with bright blue eyes cheers upon seeing him. Cloud hides the urge to chuckle at Sora’s excited puppy impression.

“Hey kid.”

“I’m glad you’re awake, we were all really worried,” Sora says, he hops up onto the bed and starts to kick his feet, literally wiggling in joy. “Maybe Leon will finally get a good night’s sleep too.”

“Leon …” Cloud sighs, he looks up at the ceiling.

‘What am I doing?’

The young hero pulls up one knee and lays his head on it, the belts on his clothes gently clink and rustle. “What were you doing out there Cloud?” Sora asks, his blue eyes startlingly perceptive.

Cloud exhales again, This kid … “I let the Heartless get the upper hand, I got … distracted. It won’t happen again.”

-----------------------------

Fighting for his life, every swing counts in wearing down the heavy armour of this behemoth Heartless. It’s large bulky arms sweep wide and keep Cloud moving. He’s hurt, bruised, but still fighting.

The bond lights up with pure fear and he stumbles. He looks up. Leon stares down at him, white faced, from the town’s walls.

Cloud opens his mouth to call out to him (What do I say? What can I say after what I’ve put us through?)- Leon starts to shout a warning- The Heartless!

A heavy blow, like being hit by a bus- Cloud knows no more …

-----------------------------

“Yeah, but …” Sora bites his lip, his fingertips worry at the edge of his gloves, running back and forth over a strip of skin just beyond public sight. “I guess I mean to ask, why did you leave in the first place? It’s … It’s nice here, it’s safe, your friends are here, Sephiroth is dead, and Leon’s here …” Sora trails off, giving Cloud sad puppy dog eyes.

Cloud pinches at the bridge of his nose, “None of your business, Sora. Adult things.”

Sora shrugs, “I suppose … Sorry if I stepped over the line, all the worlds are so different in how they talk about their bonds. I’m just worried about Leon. He helped me a lot when I was struggling with separation from my soulmates, I just thought I could help him back.” Sora looks down fondly at his wrist. He gives Cloud a sheepish look, “Sorry if I offended you.”

‘Soulmates?’ Cloud tilts his head, it messes up his hair on the pillow, “It’s fine … I guess I’m just confused as to why you’re talking to me about Leon’s soulmate?” (I’m not his soulmate. Onesided, onesided)

Sora blinks.

“Oh! Have you not figured it out yet? Oh Light, did I just out you guys?” Sora panics.

Cloud sits up even though it hurts to do so (His bones feel brittle and his whole body throbs in protest), he clasps Sora on his shoulder, “Hey, hey, you’re fine, Sora. You didn’t out anyone, I’m not his soulmate,” Cloud explains, the words like ash in his mouth.

Sora starts blinking again. He shifts in place until he’s facing Cloud, “Um, yes he is?”

Cloud huffs and falls back into bed, one of the machines beep angrily before settling back down, “Sora, believe me, he’s not.”

“Is too! He felt you fighting and led us all to the walls to help you, he knew you were getting hurt and worn down,” Sora shifts forward. “How could he have known if he isn’t your soulmate?”

Unknowingly, Sora’s hit an open wound and Cloud just wants him to shut up now. “Stop it.” Cloud wishes he’d ordered Sora out when he had the chance.

Sora pouts, “Even if you don’t believe me you can ask Aerith or Tifa or anyone in town, he felt your hit- he fell over in the street because he felt what you were going through! He knew how much pain you were in and how badly you were hurt-”

“Sora, I said stop it!”

Cloud pulls out his IV and roughly tears away the tape across his body.

Sora stands up fretfully, “At least stay still and in bed, Cloud, Leon feels what you feel, you’re hurting him as well as yourself with how much pain-”

“Don’t make me give you a soulbond-Edu lesson, Sora, soulbonds don’t transfer pain,” Cloud dismisses, still pulling at the various wires around him to figure out how he can get free.

Cloud yelps as Sora suddenly jumps back up onto the bed and grasps his shoulders, “Wait, say that again,” the keyblade wielder orders.

Cloud frowns at him, “Soulbonds don’t share pain, Sora. They share emotions, and believe me, Leon is not my soulmate because he’s never once responded to my emotions-”

“But you feel his because that’s how soulbonds work in your world,” Sora interrupts, sitting back into the edge of the bed with a look of realisation on his young face. “Oooh it all makes sense now …”

Cloud winces as he pulls out an IV line, this one from a blood transfusion, “What does?”

Sora, unexpectedly, gives Cloud a smile, “I didn’t realise that you didn’t know that soulbonds are different on different worlds.”

That gives Cloud pause.

“They’re what?”

Sora pulls his sleeve up and then takes off his glove. Upon his wrist are two names written in two unique sets of handwriting. Sora rubs his thumb over them tenderly and holds his hand out to Cloud to show him, “On my world we’re born with our soulmate’s name on our wrist; only I’m a really rare lucky one, and I got two!” Sora grins, glowing with an inner warmth as he thinks about Riku and Kairi.

Cloud at first thinks that the marks are tattoos, and they’re similar, but there is a strange three dimensional quality to the ink that betrays their magical origin. He mindlessly reaches out a hand to touch but Sora turns his hand over and away.

“Ah, sorry … is it considered rude to touch,” Sora explains.

“S-sorry …” Cloud murmurs, still staring at Sora’s wrist, a bubble of emotion (Hope? Dread?) building in his chest.

“It’s fine, you’re not from my world, how could you know,” the kid assures, putting his glove back on with a final loving look at the names.

“So you just find the one with your name and …” Cloud stares at the spot on Sora’s wrist, mind blown that Sora gets a name from the start. He doesn’t doubt the boy’s words at all, he’s too sincere in how he treasures those inked names (and it’s Sora, who is unquestionably trustworthy). Cloud had no idea that soulbonds were different depending on where you were from, in Sora’s case to immediately know who your soulmate is, incredible …

Sora smiles, “We practise our handwriting in my world, ready to see if the name and the letters match up. It made it very hard for Kairi, she didn’t know at the time, but she came from another world and she didn’t have my name, or Riku’s.”

“So she’s not your soulmate?” Cloud asks, feeling sad for the poor girl. Another onsided bond … (Maybe we’re more common than I thought …)

“Oh no, she absolutely is,” Sora shakes his head, “She’s got two symbols on her wrist instead, not names. She’s got my Keyblade and Riku’s special power as signs that she’s tied to us no matter what. I’ve got her name, and Riku has our names too.” Sora’s smile lights up the room, “We’re a little mismatched, but we’re all soulmates.”

“A little mismatched … different on other worlds …” Cloud takes in a sharp breath, suddenly understanding. “Leon!”

“He’s from another world, different from the rest of you here on Radiant Gardens restoration committee, who all came from the same one,” Sora nods, “What’s your soulbond? I don’t see any marks.”

Feeling like his voice comes from far away, he mindlessly says; “Emotions, we feel each other’s feelings.”

“Oh wow!” sparkling blue eyes light up. “That’s so amazing … you get to know what your soulmate is like before you meet them. That’s gotta be easier than running up to everyone with the same name and bugging them into giving you their signature! How cool, Cloud.”

Cloud nods dumbly, ‘ It is pretty cool …’

“Leon feels … me?”

(Doesn’t feel emotions, then what …)

Sora’s smile is kind, “You’re both a bit mismatched, like me and Kairi. But, he’s your soulmate, Cloud. He doesn’t feel your emotions though, he says he feels your pain.”

(Mine? Mine! Always was mine, is still mine. My soulmate- my pain- pain!?)

“My pain … oh Light!” Cloud looks down at his battered body, suddenly paralysed with the consequences of his actions. “Shit.”

Sora snorts. “So … still wanna leave?”

Cloud glares at him, “Get him here. Drag him if you have to. I need to make this right.”

“Aye-aye!”