Chapter Text
“It isn’t that bad,” June says as she squints down at the words on Alex’s wrist. After a moment she drops his arm and shrugs. “Besides, mom always says that you don’t know what the words mean until you hear them.”
Alex looks down at his own wrist in deep concentration, willing the words to make more sense. Thinking about his soulmate saying them to him makes his stomach turn.
“But what if they don’t like me?” Alex asks in a hesitant voice, reaching his finger out to trace them lightly. When the words appeared the previous night–a tingle on his wrist waking him out of sleep–Alex was initially excited. The tingling sensation had been described to him over and over again, and he was always so eager for the day to come. He turned on his lamp and sat on his bed as a black, inky stain swirled into words in a curly script.
‘I don’t have time for you right now.’
Immediately, something uneasy settled in his gut. Alex heard those words quite a lot in his short eight years. His parents said them when they were working, his teachers said them when he got a little too excited about something, and even June said them sometimes when she was with her friends. The words were always said with slight annoyance, like Alex was being a bother, and he never liked hearing them.
Did this mean his soulmate wouldn’t ever have time for him? That they would be annoyed with him? Wouldn’t like him? That idea turned the uneasy feeling into nausea. He grew up hearing the stories of how his parents found each; other–bright-eyed kids in college that both wanted to change the world. Their first interaction had been an argument, and Alex’s dad always says that he fell in love with his mom right then; that the passion in her immediately drew him in. Alex hoped he would get a story like that with his soulmate. He wanted something romantic and sweet, like he saw in the movies, or read in books.
What if that didn’t happen?
Alex crept out of his bedroom as soon as the sun came up, slipping into June’s room, and shaking her out of sleep. June glared until registering the look on his face and asking him what was wrong. Instead of answering, Alex had lifted up his wrist for her to see and June’s face twisted in concentration. Which led them to now, with June looking at him sadly.
He hates it.
“Oh, Alex,” June wraps her arms around her little brother, hugging him close. “It’s going to be alright, I promise. They’re your soulmate, right? That means everything is going to work out fine.”
Alex believes her. June is twelve and she’s had her soulmark on her wrist for years, so she would know. His big sister would never lie to him. June runs her hand through Alex’s hair and he clings on tight, trying to push down the feelings threatening to overtake him and bubble up out of his throat. His heart feels like it hurts.
When their mom walks into June’s room, she’s clearly surprised to see the two siblings hugging so early in the morning. She crouches down and asks Alex what’s wrong, and Alex flings himself out of June’s arms and into those of his mother.
“You’re going to be fine, sugar. Don’t worry about it, alright? It will all turn out okay. Mom’s know these things.”
Alex wants to believe her, because his mom would never lie to him either, but something in the back of his mind won’t let him forget about it.
Alex goes through the school day sneaking glances at his wrist, hoping the meaning behind the words magically becomes clearer to him. By the time recess rolls around, Alex has spent far more time worrying than paying attention to anything. Liam invites him to kick a ball around with some of their friends, and Alex agrees eagerly–anything to get him to stop thinking about the stupid words on his wrist, and help him ignore the twisting in his stomach.
If he misses the ball a few times because he’s too busy focusing on not looking at his wrist again, no one else notices.
Halloween is ten-year-old Alex’s favorite holiday. There’s costumes, and scary movies, and most important of all-candy. June promised to take him, just the two of them, out trick-or-treating this year, and he’s been so excited all day that he’s practically vibrating.
Last year he went trick-or-treating with Liam, but this year Liam is in a different class, and has different friends–friends that don’t seem to like Alex. He hasn’t exactly made friends with anyone in his class either, though not from lack of trying. He’s not really sure what he’s doing wrong, but people tend to shy away from him. Alex tries not to think about it too long, or a heavy feeling in his chest overtakes him.
He hates that feeling.
He knows that June is only taking him out because he doesn't have anyone else to go with, but Alex doesn’t care. He’s excited to get to spend time with his sister. June is in high school now, which means they aren’t in the same school any more. She has all sorts of things to do that take up all of her time, and Alex barely sees her. He’s been looking forward to tonight, to spending time with her, all week.
The thing is, instead of being out and getting candy, Alex is sitting on the couch with his leg bouncing in anticipation. June announced she was going to use the bathroom before they left, but she’s been in there for ages. It feels like hours later when she finally emerges from the bathroom, holding out both her arms with her palms up.
“Mom?” June’s voice is quiet and a little shaky, and their mom immediately walks around the corner. June’s eyes are so wide that Alex wonders if they hurt; he’s never seen his sister look so shocked before.
Their mother frowns, and takes a step forward, taking both of June’s upturned hands in hers. When her eyebrows furrow in the middle like they do when she’s worried about something, Alex resigns himself to not getting any candy tonight.
“It’s a little uncommon, sugar, but it’s not unheard of. There are all kinds of soulmates out there.”
Now that piques Alex’s interest. He stands up from the couch, trying to catch a glimpse at what it is they’re looking at so intently, when he spots it. There’s a black smudge on June’s left wrist.
Oh.
June has two soulmates.
Alex sneaks closer, trying to read what the new words say. He’s known what the words on her right wrist say for years, but this is new territory. He catches the words ‘breathtaking woman’ quickly before June turns her wrist out of view again. Well, that isn’t fair. Both of June’s soulmates think she’s beautiful, and Alex isn’t even certain his own will like him.
That feeling in his chest is back.
He lets out a loud sigh and it startles June, who jumps and whips her head towards him. There are tears in her eyes threatening to overflow. Alex hates when his sister cries, but he doesn’t understand why she’s crying now. She has two soulmates–she gets to fit perfectly with two people instead of one. June is lucky.
“I wanted to see what was going on? And I want to go get candy.” Alex says with a shrug, and June lets out a loud laugh. Alex is quickly pulled into a hug as June continues laughing (and crying, he doesn’t get it). This is better than the mute, wide-eyed stare she had before, so Alex guesses this is a good thing.
“Sorry, hermanito. I was shocked. Come on, Han Solo, let’s go get you some candy.”
Trick-or-treating isn’t as fun as he thought it would be. Alex loves being able to spend time with June, and he really loves candy, but he can’t get his mind off of June’s two soulmates. Alex tries not to look at the words on his wrist very often, but now he can’t stop himself from focusing on them and what they might mean. He knows that focusing on it is a bad idea, but it’s too late now. He’s barely paying attention to where they’re going, or if they’re hitting all the good houses–his mind is somewhere else completely.
When they end the night and Alex gets to take his spoils back to his room, the candy doesn’t taste as good as it should. None of it is sweet, all overtaken by the bitter flavor in his mouth. He pushes the pile of candy under his bed and pulls the covers over his head, trying to block out his thoughts. He doesn’t get much sleep that night.
Alex tries not to think about it too hard when he knocks on Liam’s window late Friday night. It’s been the never-ending week from hell and Alex needs a fucking break. Earlier in the day he stole a bottle of Makers that his dad hadn’t bothered to pack and his mother would never notice was missing. The liquor running through him is helping numb the ever-rising anxiety that has seemingly rooted itself into his life.
When he’d come home from camp last week, the last thing he expected was for all of his dad’s stuff to be missing and his life turned on its head. It wasn’t like he didn’t expect the divorce–the fighting between his parents was never ending, and seemed to get louder every day. The reprieve from the yelling for those few weeks at camp had been great. What he never expected was to come home to half the house empty, his dad off in California without even a phone call. June was the one waiting for him when he got back, and the one to tell him that their dad fucked off without a word.
He had his first panic attack after that, curled up on the living room floor with June desperately trying to get him to breathe. He had two more when each of his parents finally decided to call and inform him of their separation. Now it’s the end of the week and Alex is looking for something, anything, to be a distraction from the creeping feeling of doom in his chest. Lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t even hear the window open.
“Alex? What are you doing here? It’s like one in the morning.” Liam says, jostling Alex out of his head. He climbs through the window, pushing past his best friend, and flopping down on Liam’s bed. He groans into the blanket beneath him, still trying to calm his racing thoughts. Coming here might have been a bad idea, but at the moment he doesn’t care. Liam let him in because Liam will always let him in and Alex knew it.
This is hardly the first time he’s come crawling into Liam’s bedroom in the middle of the night, half-drunk on whatever he could get away with stealing from his parents–beer, whiskey, tequila, it didn’t matter. Anything to drown out their fighting and the ever present feeling of dread. Alex barely remembers the first time they did this, crawling through Liam's window after they both got thoroughly smashed at a lacrosse party. There had been hard kisses and stubbled skin underneath his fingers, and Alex let himself get lost in the sensation of doing something enjoyable with someone he trusted.
It didn’t mean anything.
“Everything is shit right now and I don’t want to be home. Feels weird there now. It’s too fucking empty.” Alex says as he feels the bed dip down next to him. He turns his head to look at Liam who is studying him intently and biting on his bottom lip. Alex knows he looks like a mess; his hair is wild, he’s clearly been drinking and maybe hasn’t shaved in a day or two. It’s fine, everything is perfectly fine–even with the way the halls at home echo as he walks through them. His mom has been in DC, his dad has fucked off to California, June is busy getting her dorm set up for her next semester in college and the house is constantly silent, but it’s fine . He can take care of himself. He has before.
“Yeah, man. You know you’re always welcome here.” Liam says, picking at the threads of his blanket. The thing is, Alex knows that he means it. It’s nice to feel like he’s not bothering him or being a burden. It’s nice to feel wanted . Maybe that’s why he keeps coming back and doing this, but he’s still not certain why Liam always lets him. In the end, it doesn’t matter. At least he has his best friend.
Still trying not to think too hard about what he’s doing, Alex rolls over and on top of Liam, straddling his lap. His best friend’s hands settle on his hips, keeping him in place as Alex flops down to press his face against Liam’s neck. It’s nice here. It’s warm and familiar with the scent of Liam; the spice of his cologne and the underlying scent of something sweet that Alex can never identify. It’s comforting.
“You smell like a dive bar.’ Liam points out, sounding less annoyed by it than he probably should be.
“Had some of my dad’s whiskey. It’s not like he’s gonna use it,” Alex mumbles, letting out a dry laugh. “I’m not drunk, I’m fine.” It’s a lie, he is drunk. He’s drunk enough to take the edge off and dull the panic thrumming under his skin. He’s drunk enough that coming over here to do this and forget for a little while sounds like an excellent idea.
“ Alex .” Liam sighs softly as he closes his eyes and sucks in a deep breath. Alex groans in response.
“It’s all so fucking stupid, you know? Soulmates, soulmarks, the whole damn thing. Soulmates are supposed to be your perfect match; your other half. But you know what? Only sixty-five percent of soulmates actually end up together. Some people never even realize they’ve met theirs due to generic marks and shit. Some people choose not to end up together for various reasons, and sometimes they can’t make it work. It’s supposed to be this big, beautiful thing, and the system is fucking flawed. If two people who are supposed to be perfect for each other can’t make it work…” Alex isn’t going to finish that sentence. He’s been trying not to think about the words on his wrist all damn week. Every time the thought comes up, something deep twists in his gut. There’s a possibility that his soulmate might not even like him, and what is he supposed to do with that? If the person that’s supposed to be ‘perfect’ for him doesn’t tolerate him, how will anyone else?
He doesn’t want to think anymore. Alex sits up again, hovering a little closer to Liam’s face. His eyes flick down to his lips, and he leans down to kiss him, wanting to get lost in the sensation. This is something they do now–something to let off some steam and relieve stress. They’re both straight, it’s not like it means anything, but who better to relieve stress with than your best friend? Alex likes the way that Liam feels underneath him; solid, real, like something anchoring him to reality. He likes the contrast of soft lips with rough stubble and how Liam clings to him like he doesn’t want Alex to go anywhere, or maybe letting him know he’s not going anywhere. It’s nice .
Later, when Alex is pulling on a pair of borrowed sweatpants, he doesn’t notice Liam’s eyes lingering on him. He doesn’t notice how his best friend shuffles closer to him in bed, pressing them together head to toe. He especially doesn’t notice that Liam’s heartbeat speeds up when Alex tugs him closer and wraps an arm around his middle. Alex doesn’t notice any of that because he’s too lost in his own head, worrying that he’ll somehow end up like his parents–bitter and alone.
New York isn’t where Alex expected to end up. His entire life, he planned to go to UT Austin like his sister and get his degree in political science. Alex had a plan , okay? June throws a wrench into that plan when she says she wants to go to New York for graduate school, and what did he think of applying there with her? Alex immediately says yes. While Texas will always be home, it hasn’t felt like the right place for him in a while. Between his mom never being around, his dad halfway across the country, and Liam no longer speaking to him, staying there by himself seems like the wrong choice.
Rethinking school also makes him think about his career path. Politics is something Alex has loved since he was a kid. He would stay up late on election nights and follow his parents around asking questions whenever he could. There were lists and charts and plans squirreled away under the cushions of the giant bay window in their home–he started stashing things there as a kid and never really stopped. Alex watched political campaigns like some people watched football, and he loved every moment of it. He grew up watching both of his parents work in politics, trying so hard to make changes in a fundamentally flawed system and fighting for people who needed it. Alex wanted to do that too.
But.
He also grew up in a house with parents split apart by their jobs. There were missed birthdays, and school events, and games. Alex watched as his parents tore each other apart over the littlest of things, caught in a never ending loop of fights and accusations. Alex couldn’t help but wonder if their jobs were the reason they couldn’t make it work. A louder part of him wondered if it was somehow his fault. Through all of the fighting, Alex wasn’t immune to little jabs. Sometimes he would get too excited, too passionate, too much –with everything he did that annoyed his parents, they would call him out by the others last name. It’s like somehow Alex had inherited everything they hated about each other, and was the embodiment of the failures of their marriage.
Alex asked his dad once if it was their jobs that split him and his mom apart (he was far too afraid of asking if he was somehow to blame, the possibility making his throat tight and panic start to set in once again). Still, Alex needed to know what exactly happened to his parents because they were soulmates. They were supposed to work. Maybe if he knew what they did wrong, he could avoid it. His dad smiled sadly at him in response to Alex’s question, seemingly knowing what was going through his son’s head.
“Mijo, that woman will always be my soulmate and the love of my life. We were both too proud to make it work. Too stubborn. I got you and your sister out of it, though. I don’t regret any of it for a second.”
Alex knows he’s stubborn as hell and loud spoken. He can be bull headed with his opinions, and is never afraid speak his mind. As much as he tries to fix it, for however many times it drives people in the opposite direction and has them claiming he’s ‘too much’, Alex can’t help it. It’s a part of who he is. People have constantly claimed that he’s too intense for them, or talks too much, or simply that they ‘don’t have time’ for him right now. That one always hurts the worst and makes his stomach sink. If he never hears that phrase again in his life, it will be too soon. It doesn’t matter what the words on his wrist say; he’s always wished they could be something different.
In the end it worked out alright for his parents. His mother met and married Leo and, despite not being soulmates, they work well together. Alex likes Leo fine. He’s kind, and caring, and dotes on his mother. His dad seems happy too, out there in California working his ass off for things he believes in. But they’re still not together. They’re still soulmates who couldn’t make it work. It still leaves him with anxiety wrapped around his lungs like vines that if they couldn’t make it work because of their personalities, how is anyone ever going to tolerate him for being the same way?
Now in his second year at NYU, Alex knows he’s made the right choice in leaving Texas behind for a while. The distance clears his head a little, and for the first time in years, he tries to stop worrying so much about the stupid words on his wrist, and focus on the moment. He loves New York, and even his courses. Instead of the goal of being in Congress by thirty, Alex has set his sights on becoming a lawyer to make the kind of changes in people’s lives he’s always hoped to.
Things are going well. He and June share a nice apartment (lent to them by their stepdad) that’s only a few train stops away from school. The siblings have a standing once a week bitching night, spending Friday’s eating junk food, drinking far too much beer, and sharing things about their week. Sometimes they end up at the bar, sometimes they’re at home binge watching old TV shows while eating takeout on the couch–but whatever it is Alex loves it.
He knows that June worries about him. Alex has always had a hard time making friends, and the issue didn’t magically resolve itself when he got to college. It isn’t like he hasn’t tried, but school is kicking his ass, he doesn’t have copious amounts of free time anyway, and he’s fine. He is . Alex hates that June worries so much about him, but it isn’t like someone who tolerates him is going to magically drop in his lap.
Then there’s Nora.
Nora is the smartest person that Alex has ever met–like frighteningly smart. Not only that but she’s gorgeous, sarcastic and keeps up with him easily. They meet, in all places, the school library.
One moment she’s dumping her stuff on his study table, demanding to join him because he’s near the only available outlet, and the next they're sniping at each other and becoming friends. It’s been years since talking with anyone but his sister has been so easy, and Alex leaves the library that day with her phone number and the suggestion of a date.
They’re not soulmates, they both know that. Nora isn’t particularly bothered by it and Alex…well. Alex wants to see if he could make it work with someone besides his soulmate. He and Nora get along great, have good chemistry, and being with Nora is fun . He can’t remember the last time he had this much fun with anyone, never mind dated them. He’ll take it while it lasts, even if they both know it’s not going to last forever. They’re probably better off as friends but they’re dumb, and in college, and having a good time.
Knowing it won’t last forever doesn’t make what comes next any less shocking.
In a rare turn of events, Alex has the apartment to himself for the night. June is out with some guy she’s been seeing, and assures him that she won’t be back until late. It’s the perfect opportunity to invite Nora over and make her something for dinner. It’s been forever since he’s had the time, or the desire, to cook anything, and he’s been craving something that reminds him of home.
Later, when they’ve polished off the last of the flautas and are both several glasses of wine in while debating something meaningless, Alex hears the front door open. He looks up to see his sister, sheepishly creeping through the doorway, and clearly trying not to disturb them.
“Hey Bug, everything okay?” Alex asks, putting down his glass of wine and looking her over. She looks upset, but at least she isn’t crying. Alex has half a mind to–
“Wow, you are even prettier than your brother.” Nora interrupts his thoughts, and both siblings turn to her in complete shock. Alex knows those words because they’re the words that have been on his sister's right wrist since they were kids. Those were her soulmate's words coming out of his girlfriend’s mouth.
Well fuck.
June lets out a startled laugh, covering her mouth with both of her hands. It takes a while for her to regain her composure, clearly stuck between laughing and crying, before she replies.
“I am never living this one down.”
Nora is up in an instant.
Finding your soulmate is a big deal, and Alex is happy for them– he is. Out of all the ways that Alex thought those words might come about? This didn’t even make the list. That weird anxiety in his chest is back, crushing his lungs and nearly choking him. It isn’t that Nora is his sister’s soulmate, not really. Alex can see how they would work together, and he and Nora knew they would end up just friends. The issue is more him wondering if that’s why he and Nora worked. If her being his sister’s soulmate is why they got along so well. It has nothing to do with him. He’s fully aware of how selfish that thought is. His sister just found one of her soulmates, and it’s someone he cares about and trusts not to hurt June, but there are still lingering thoughts and anxieties making themselves known in the back of his head.
Both women seem to remember his presence at the same time and look over to Alex, matching looks of slight guilt on their faces. He gets up and sighs, shaking his head.
“Alex–” Nora starts but he cuts her off.
“Nope, no. We’re not doing this. You two are going to finish the bottle of wine and get to know each other. We…” he gestures to himself and Nora, “are breaking up. I’m going to go for a walk to the place that sells cookies until the ass-crack of dawn, and eat a cookie the size of my head. I’m happy for y’all, okay? I am. But I want no details. Ever.”
Alex moves and wraps an arm around both of them, giving each a light squeeze. Nora leans up to kiss him on the cheek, and he smiles. It’s not even a forced smile because his sister is amazing and deserves to meet her soulmates–to be happy. Still, this is not how he pictured his night going at all.
Once he’s down the stairs and outside, Alex stops and leans against the wall of the building to catch his breath. The cool air helps clear his head a little, and he runs a hand through his curls. Fuck . He meant it; he is happy for them. That doesn’t stop the swirling thoughts, or the upset threatening to choke him. Alex calms himself down, breathing as evenly as he can until he feels like his lungs are no longer on fire. Then for the first time in a long time, Alex looks down at the words on his wrist, pulling back his coat and band of his watch and tracing them with his thumb.
‘I don’t have time for you right now.’
Surprisingly, Alex has heard those words as a greeting several times in his life. It isn’t typical, but it has happened. Usually it comes from exasperated professors, office professionals and on one notable occasion, an exhausted looking barista. Not a single one of them has been right. Hearing the words always makes him freeze, the blood in his veins turning to ice as he braces himself for whatever is coming. So far, nothing has come of it. Alex can’t decide if he’s relieved or upset every time.
He tugs his coat sleeve back down, and takes off in the direction of Insomnia Cookies. It’s fine . Everything about this is fine. Even if things don’t end up how he wants them to, even if his soulmate dislikes him, even if they pass each other over–he’ll manage to be happy somehow.
He wishes the voice in his head sounded a little more convincing.
Nora quickly becomes a staple in their everyday life. Alex isn’t surprised by how well she and June seem to fit together, and compliment each other. June keeps them steady and is the voice of reason, Nora is a bit of chaos and keeps them honest. Alex likes having her around, and they both seem happy. It feels natural when several months into their relationship, June asks if he minds Nora moving in with them. Alex doesn’t hesitate before saying yes.
Things go really well when Nora moves in. His room is far enough away from theirs that everyone has a decent amount of privacy (or as much privacy as an apartment in the middle of NYC can afford them). There’s someone else to share the chores with, and June is happy. Alex and Nora find their footing as close friends, and the three of them settle into a comfortable routine.
Alex barely thinks about his own soulmate. He keeps himself busy with constant school work, attempting to survive on too much coffee, and too little sleep. Most of the time, it even works.
After finding success (kind of) with Nora, he even tries to date more. It never amounts to anything.
There’s Riley, who is cute and sweet, but they have absolutely nothing in common. He goes on a few dates with Cassie, who on date number three tells him that he talks too much, and being a lawyer sounds boring. He goes on a date with someone from June’s internship named Amber who is nice enough, then gets him into bed and never calls him again. There’s Ruby, Mandy, Sabrina, Amisha, Caroline; eventually Alex stops keeping count.
It isn’t like Alex wants a girlfriend, exactly, but it would be nice to have someone else to be with besides his sister and her girlfriend. So, he keeps trying. Dates rarely get past the first one and never go past the casual stage. It’s not like he gives up after that, exactly, but he decides to take a break. Alex also completely ignores his sister’s knowing looks and prying into his life. He gets it, she’s happy now and wants him to be too, but he can’t deal with it all. Getting rejected over and over feels like a reminder that he might not ever be good enough for anyone to stick around.
He hasn’t been so far.
His longest relationship ever was with Nora, and Alex still can’t help but feel that her connection to his sister had something to do with that. The fact of it is, people don’t tolerate Alex for very long and they never have. He’s always been the one to be broken up with or having his friends leaving him behind, and most of the time Alex doesn’t even understand why . Casual acquaintances he can do. He was even popular in high school because no one ever took the time to get to know him beyond his good looks, athletic accomplishments, and charisma. The only person that ever stuck around long enough was Liam and that…well.
Liam left him too. No matter how many times Alex goes over it in his head, he still can’t figure out why. Things had been fine between them. Graduation was coming up and they were discussing their plans for college and beyond. They went from speaking nearly every to suddenly nothing . It started with curt responses until Liam was ignoring him completely. After crawling through Liam’s bedroom window, and being told in no uncertain terms to leave and leave him the fuck alone, Alex gave up.
Like every other time, Alex moves on, ignoring the overwhelming ache in his chest threatening to split him open whenever the subject gets brought up. He keeps telling everyone that he’s fine until the word ‘fine’ seemingly loses all meaning. Eventually, June and Nora stop bringing it up, and the ache becomes a bit duller once again–easier to ignore.
He’s been doing a great job at throwing himself into his work and completely ignoring his anxiety and emotions, when it all feels like it comes crashing down again. It’s a stupid thing that sets him off, but the ache and panic come back with full force in a matter of seconds.
June is out for the night, and has Alex roped Nora into marathoning The West Wing with him. They’ve polished off a decent portion of a bottle of tequila by the time the doorbell rings and their dinner arrives. He hears Nora thank the delivery driver and make her way to the kitchen to grab some plates. Then he hears a small crash and a loud gasp, and he runs into the kitchen.
“Nora, what the fuck? Are you okay?” Alex asks, rounding the corner of the kitchen to be greeted with their bag of food on the floor and Nora staring wide eyed at her wrist like it’s an equation she can’t solve (which is absurd because there probably isn’t an equation she can’t solve). At least she seems to be alright, even if their food is not, a dark stain bleeding over the paper bag.
“Sorry. Just. Fuck, Alex. Look.” Nora says, her voice a little breathless. She holds out her wrist and there, underneath June’s neat handwriting and mark, are new words.
‘Enchanté, ma belle.’
It isn’t unheard of for words to come a bit later on in life, especially if you have more than one soulmate, but it catches Alex off guard. Maybe because soulmarks are usually pretty private and no one typically shows them to people outside of family, or maybe because up until this point he’s been trying so hard to forget about them at all. Either way, it makes sense that Nora has another set of words. June has two soulmates, Nora being one of them, so it’s logical that they would share a third. The handwriting looks identical to the one on June’s left wrist, and Alex concludes that it’s probably the same person. It’s great. It’s fantastic even, and Alex hopes when they find them, they’re all very happy together.
But the ache in his chest is back in full force.
He still reaches out and wraps Nora in a hug, and she hugs him back tightly.
“June is going to be thrilled. It seems to match the writing on her wrist too. I’m happy for you.” He pulls back, gives Nora a small, forced smile, and busies himself salvaging the remains of their dinner.
Alex is happy for them, but he can feel multiple things at once and he’s not going to lie to himself that it doesn’t sting a little. Two of the most important people in his life have a third piece of their puzzle, and he wants them to be happy and find them.
But .
He’s always found it a little unfair that his sister is going to have two people that are supposed to be her perfect match–with unique enough marks that there isn’t any mistaking them when they’re finally heard. Alex has never and will never say anything to June about it, but he’s pretty sure she knows anyway. Alex has never been good at hiding his insecurities around his soulmark, and his sister has always been able to read him like a book.
Alex shakes his head to rid himself of the thoughts, and hands one of the plates he’s filled to Nora. They go back into the other room to continue their show, but Alex doesn’t pay attention to any of it. He’s too busy once again thinking about the words on his wrist and the person behind them. It shouldn’t fucking matter, he should be able to go through his life without worrying about them constantly and simply wait. But it does matter, it’s always mattered to him so much.
When he goes out and buys himself a thicker band for his watch to completely cover over the words he doesn’t want to stare at, no one mentions anything. It’s easier if he doesn’t have to see or think about them at all.
“I fucking hate Mondays.” Alex grumbles under his breath as he races across the park. It’s barely noon, it’s already been the day from hell, and all Alex wants to do is go back home and go to bed.
From the moment he woke, the day had been a disaster. He didn’t wake up when his first alarm went off. Or the second. He was so late that he didn’t have enough time to make coffee or eat breakfast, he nearly gave himself a concussion while struggling to pull his pants on, and he made it all the way through his first class before realizing his shirt was on inside out. To top it all off, he got a low grade on an important paper because the professor is a dick that seemingly has it out for him. (He’s fully aware how that sounds but it was a good paper, alright?)
Now he’s going to be late for his second class of the day too because the line had gone so slowly at the coffee shop, and he’d waited a full ten minutes before getting the attention of a very exhausted looking barista who apologized for having forgotten to make his drink. The poor thing looked like she was afraid Alex was going to yell at her, and he assured her it was alright before waiting another five minutes for his latte.
And now he’s sprinting.
Fucking Mondays.
Alex isn’t exactly watching where he’s going and he’s definitely moving faster than he should be. In his haste, he doesn’t see the other person directly in his path before it’s too late. Suddenly he’s crashing into what feels like a solid wall, and there are books on the ground and coffee all down the front of his clothes. He takes exactly half a second to mourn the coffee he didn’t even start yet before his brain catches up to what’s happened.
“I’m so sorry.” Alex says quickly, leaning down to pick up the books so that they don’t get soaked by the spilled coffee. When he gets back up to hand them over, he’s struck fucking dumb. The most beautiful man that Alex has ever seen in real life is staring at him, and he nearly swallows his own tongue. Alex isn’t sure that this entire day isn’t some kind of hallucination.
The other man stares at him, one corner of his mouth turning down in something that looks like disappointment. The man is tall, blond, has bone structure carved by the gods themselves, and has the bluest eyes that he’s ever seen. He’s clearly fit if the way his button up is straining across his chest is any indication, and Alex kind of wants to reach out and see if his hair is as soft as it looks.
Yup, today is definitely a hallucination.
“I don’t have time for you right now.” The stranger says in a fucking English accent as he yanks the books out of Alex’s now limp grip. Alex’s heart stutters in his chest, and he feels icy from head to toe as he stares at the man in front of him. His eyes go wide and his mouth goes dry as he tries to think of anything to say. He never expected to hear those words from a guy, but platonic bonds exist right? Fuck, this could be it and he’s fucking up the whole thing already. Of course he’s fucking up the whole thing. That’s what he does best.
The man in front of him stares at Alex for a second longer, like his very presence pains him, then he squares his shoulders. He says nothing as he sidesteps Alex and practically stalks away. Alex feels like he’s rooted into place, and all he can do is watch him go.
The guy hadn’t reacted to Alex's words at all. They aren’t soulmates, and the meeting is as wrong as every other one before it. The words coming out of the man’s mouth didn’t feel different to any other time he’s heard them–it still made Alex’s insides go haywire and bile rise in his throat. He still hated hearing them from a complete stranger.
It’s probably for the best anyway. The guy seemingly hated Alex on site, and a platonic soulmate isn’t exactly what he’s been hoping for. Alex isn’t into guys, despite this one looking like a fucking model. This is definitely for the best.
Alex stands there, watching the stranger walk away, until his onslaught of feelings is interrupted by the buzz of his phone in his pocket. He pulls it out to read a text from his classmate Rosa, asking where the hell he is. Alex swears under his breath and takes off again. Now he’s going to be late for class and his clothes are soaked through with coffee he didn’t get to drink.
Fucking Mondays.
“Alejandro, if you glare any harder your eyes are going to pop out of your head.” Nora’s voice startles Alex out of his thoughts and back into the present. He turns his attention to her, his gaze softening into something less irritated.
“Sorry, I was listening, I swear.” And he was listening. Mostly listening. Ever since the day Alex ran into the blond stranger, he’s been seeing him everywhere. It feels like a day hasn’t gone by in weeks without seeing the man and his ridiculously long legs and stupid accent.
Shit, he’s doing it again.
“What’s gotten your panties in a twist?” Nora asks, turning and attempting to follow his line of sight. Alex shakes his head.
“It’s nothing. It’s dumb. I ran into this guy by accident a few weeks ago and he was a dick about it. I’ve been seeing him everywhere since. It’s like he’s fucking haunting me.”
It was only hours after their initial encounter that Alex had seen him again. He’d gotten to go home and change, finally , and was ready to get some studying done. Walking to his usual table, Alex was irritated to find it occupied and even more irritated to see it was the guy from earlier occupying it. He wanted to scream. Instead, he took a deep, steadying breath, and settled at a table near the back. When he looked up to stretch his back a while later, the jackass was staring at him with the same pinched expression he’d had earlier that day–oddly disappointed and almost above it all.
Entitled dick.
It didn’t get any better from there.
“Is it the pretty blond guy that’s staring at you like you pissed in his coffee?” Nora asks, because of course she figures it out right away. Alex fucking hates him.
“I don’t know what his problem is! I said I was sorry, and didn’t even get any coffee on him or his stuff!” Alex slumps back in his seat and tosses an arm over his eyes dramatically. He is not going to bring up the weird feeling he gets when he looks at the guy, or the words that made him stop in his tracks. Alex doesn’t need Nora giving him data on any of it.
“Who are we bitching about?” June asks as she settles down next to Nora and gives her girlfriend a kiss on the temple. Alex sighs a bit louder than he means to.
“No one, Bug.”
Nora isn’t about to let him off so easily.
“Alex made a new friend, and they’re having a homoerotic glaring competition. Blondie over in the corner.” Nora nods her head back, and June glances over quickly, a look of recognition crossing over her face.
Well shit.
“That’s Henry. We were in the same poetry course last semester. He’s an amazing writer. Sweet, but quiet, and a little shy,” June takes a sip of her tea and levels her gaze at her brother. “So, Alex, what did you do?”
“Why do you assume I did something?” Alex asks exasperated. June and Nora give him matching flat looks. He hates when they do that.
“I was having a fucking terrible day and I wasn’t exactly watching where I was going. I ran into him, spilled my coffee, and his books went everywhere. I apologized! I didn’t even get anything on him! Then he gave me this look , brushed me off, and ran in the other direction. The whole thing was fucking weird, and now he’s everywhere.” Alex crosses his arms over his chest, aware that he probably looks like a petulant child and not caring one bit. June and Nora stare at each other, having one of their silent conversations that he can never interpret. He hates when they do that too.
“You probably startled him,” June says, clearly having lost whatever invisible argument she and Nora were having. “He was always polite in class. A little reserved, but never an ass. Maybe he didn’t know what to do with hurricane Alex and so he ran off?”
“Don’t take his side, June! He’s such a dick, and he keeps being a dick. Every time I see him he glares at me like I have a communicable disease he doesn’t want to catch, and it’s fucking annoying.”
June looks at him and bites at her bottom lip in the way she does when she’s thinking about how to tell Alex something he won’t want to hear.
“You know you have a tendency to…blow things out of proportion when you’re upset, bud.” June says placatingly. Alex knows exactly what she means, but he’s not admitting she’s right about this. That isn’t what’s happening.
“Oh my god, remember the upstairs neighbor he declared war on because they used the rest of our laundry detergent and left us with Tide?” Nora laughs, and Alex turns to glare at her.
“You know I’m allergic! I had no underwear left so I had to go to the store in my laundry day clothes to pick up more detergent. And it’s fucking rude to steal people’s shit. I swear, I hate y’all sometimes.” Alex lets out a huff and looks back over to the guy–Henry apparently–but he seems to be gone.
Good.
“I mean, he did kind of look at Alex weird,” Nora admits with a shrug. “I’d say there’s an 82% probability that this is all some kind of misunderstanding, and a 87% probability that he thinks you’re hot and freaked out.”
“You can’t know that by looking at him.” Alex argues, but Nora takes a sip of her coffee and shrugs again.
“He’s gay and you’re hot, so the math is there.”
“You can’t know that by looking at him either.”
“He writes poetry, Alex. Also, June’s told me about him before and he never once tried to flirt with her, which is absurd because your sister is a fucking snack.” Nora grins and kisses June on the lips with a loud smack. Alex grimaces.
“Gross. And he wouldn’t look like he wants to strangle me if he thought I was hot.”
“Depends on what he’s into.”
“You’re both idiots,” June sighs and rolls her eyes. “Alex, can’t you try and ignore it? Henry is a really nice guy and was probably having a bad day. Besides, not everyone in your life is going to like you.”
Sure, Alex could ignore it. Despite what June says, Alex knows plenty of people don’t like him, but usually they get to know him before they form that opinion. This particular jerk makes something hot flair in his gut with every snub and glare. A complete stranger shouldn’t be having this kind of effect on him, but it’s all Alex has been able to think about.
God, maybe he does need to chill out.
“Yeah, Bug. Sure,” Alex finally gives in, his eyes drifting to the last spot Henry sat at. Maybe he’s reading too much into it (he’s totally not, but for his sister he’ll at least try). “ But if he keeps trying to make my head explode with his mind, I’m going back to being pissed.”
June looks mildly surprised, but she also must figure that’s as good as she’s going to get because she nods once, and turns to her girlfriend. The two of them quickly end up in some deep conversation, and no matter how hard Alex tries he’s never been able to understand whatever goes on between them when they’re like this. They barely even acknowledge him when he says he’s going to leave and go home–all he gets is a thumbs up from Nora and June waving him away.
He’s halfway home, walking through the park, when he sees a familiar head of blond hair sitting on a bench in front of him. It’s clear that Henry is doing something and hasn’t noticed Alex’s presence yet, and he can not take another glaring competition right now. He also promised his sister that he’d at least try, so he takes the opportunity to walk behind the bench to avoid being spotted by those endless blue eyes and that stupid fucking frown. Once he’s on the other side of the park, something makes Alex look back. He immediately locks eyes with Henry, who despite not seeing him before, is somehow looking straight at him. The eye contact makes a weird feeling zing up his back from the bottom of his spine, and Alex tears his eyes away.
What the fuck was that?
When he looks back up, Henry’s gone.
Alex makes it home in record time, sagging against the front door as soon as he’s inside. Why does Henry elicit such bizarre reactions from him all the time? Why is that stupid feeling back whenever they see each other? Why is it that a stranger makes him feel so god damned upset? Alex slips down onto the floor and puts his head in his hands with a loud groan.
He needs to get a fucking grip.