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A/N: Please do not repost, recreate or translate.
The Internet Is For Porn
Life wasn’t fair.
Young Harry Potter knew this much – he grew up with a fucking Horcrux in his head, he’s had to live in a cupboard under a staircase for the most part of his childhood and these past few years he’s had to learn to accept that apparently some crazy Dark Lord Harry had never met personally was coming after him because of some stupid prophecy.
Which was why Harry thought it was entirely unreasonable that he of all people had to be the one to keep an eye on the younger version of said Dark Lord, who somehow had started wandering around the castle the night Ginny Weasley disappeared.
Harry was, needless to say, extremely pissed off. But life was unfair and it sucked, and it always would, and there was nothing Harry could do other than just suck it up and pretend to be stronger than he actually was.
‘What’s this?’
Harry blinked up from where he’d been glaring at nothing in particular to glance at Tom Riddle, who was poking at the small cardboard box sitting innocently on the coffee table in front of them, a frown on his face as well.
For as much as Harry loathed to admit it, Tom was eager to learn. Tom was in no way a good guy and Harry hated him, of course he did, but sometimes his lack of knowledge of basic things made Harry feel smug. Like he had some kind of power over Tom.
Even though Dumbledore insisted Harry was around Tom at all times (the elderly man wouldn’t say why), Harry himself was never alone. Right now he was in Sirius’ house, the Order’s headquarters. It was the only place Harry could stay without having to worry about Tom all the time.
Harry raised an eyebrow and looked at Tom like it was the most obvious thing. ‘A juice box.’
Tom’s eyes – blue, Harry realized, they were bright blue and completely contrasted Voldemort’s red eyes – temporarily strayed from said juice box to look at Harry like he had just spoken in a foreign language. The look was strange on Tom’s face. Normally Tom would be the smart one with the mental advantage on Harry.
‘…But what is it?’
‘Can’t you figure it out by yourself?’ Harry snapped in an irritated tone. Tom didn’t seem fazed by Harry’s rude attitude and instead he just hesitantly lifted the juice box up and gave it an experimental shake. His eyes grew wide.
‘It’s juice… In a box…’ he muttered in surprise.
Harry snorted. Was this guy even for real?
‘That’s what the point of a juice box is, yes,’ Harry drawled. His eyebrow was twitching and he could feel the early beginnings of a head ache. It had nothing to do with the Horcrux inside of him and everything to do with Riddle.
‘I don’t understand- it’s not leaking? Are you sure this is a Muggle invention?’
‘Yes, Tom,’ Harry replied, rolling his eyes at him. He didn’t even care that calling Tom by his birth name pissed the other teen off, in fact, sometimes he even repeated his name on purpose just to get on his nerves, ‘I am positive this is a Muggle invention.’
Tom gave the box another shake and he was frowning so hard that there were little lines forming between his eyebrows. Harry knew that Tom’s skin would smooth out as soon as he was done frowning, though – sometimes Harry envied Tom’s flawless skin. Harry got satisfaction out of the fact that Tom’s older self was vile and snake-like and not at all charming, though.
‘What are these shenanigans you’re speaking of? It doesn’t go through the box - surely Muggles couldn’t invent such a thing!’ Tom replied. He sounded outraged and it made Harry huff. He vaguely wondered if he should call Sirius.
‘Muggles invented Google. Honestly Tom, juice boxes are the least interesting things created by Muggles.’
Tom’s scowled at Harry.
‘What’s a Google? Is it edible?’
Harry couldn’t help but laugh at that. Tom was starting to grow more irritated by the minute and Harry could tell that the only thing keeping Tom from punching him in the face was the fact that Harry knew things Tom did not.
‘It’s a search engine on the internet. You can find information on it, and pictures, and maps… But most people just use it to browse for cat pictures and porn.’
‘…What’s porn?’ Harry’s eyes shot back to Tom’s. He was about to tell him to fuck off, that he was taking advantage of the situation but Tom was completely serious. Harry’s cheeks flushed and Tom folded his arms over his chest. ‘I demand you to tell me about porn,’ Tom stated.
‘I-I will not,’ Harry stuttered. Tom narrowed his eyes at him.
‘Fine. Then I will ask your godfather and I will- mmph!’
Harry clasped a hand over Tom’s mouth and stared at him with a flustered expression on his face. They were so close that Harry could count all the little flecks of dark blue in Tom’s bright eyes, and Harry vaguely realized that they’d never been closer before. His cheeks just wouldn’t stop burning and Harry kind of wanted the world to just swallow him up right now.
‘Porn is when people make videos and pictures of other people having sex, Tom,’ Harry stated and Tom’s eyebrow kicked up. Harry noticed that he could feel Tom’s lips move against the palm of his hand and he pulled away as if burnt and wiped his hand on his pants. ‘And perverts who can’t get laid jerk off to that.’
Tom made it a statement to lick his lips and smirk at Harry.
‘…So people like you, you mean?’
Harry grabbed the juice box and flung it into Tom’s direction with a loud ‘Fuck off!’
Tom just laughed at him with a knowing look in his eyes. It felt like the blush would never fade off Harry’s cheeks again.
Yes, Harry thought to himself. Life definitely sucked.