Chapter Text
k a t a r a
“Oh,” I winced as I stared at the letter Zuko had sent. His characters were harsh, not precise like how Sokka’s master told him they needed to be. His words seemed so rushed. Even though he was horrible at them, he’s been trying to prove me wrong as I said he’s not good with jokes. Usually he adds one in his letters… but there haven’t been any for the last three letters. I’d never tell him, but I kind of missed them. Previously, I had said that even though he is technically my husband, he can’t joke like Sokka can. Which he can’t. No one can. Sokka’s jokes are horrendous, but that’s what made them funny… Zuko… he had his times, but it just wasn’t the same. So he’d made a bet with me, ordering that I note every time I giggled at a joke in his letters while I traveled. And I traveled a lot because even though we’ve been married for around a year, it still hasn’t really hit me that we are actually full-on married. The night of the wedding kind of was weird; we couldn’t look each other in the eyes for a good few months. The sages insisted we consummated the marriage. We’ve gotten over it, ignoring any pleads of advisors suggesting heirs. And now we were here, Zuko writing me jokes that often consisted in me blushing. “That poor thing.”
“What’s up?” Toph rested her chin on my shoulder. “Secret admirer?”
“Zuko.”
“So, yes.”
I shook my head at her, reciting the letter. “He sounds… off.”
“Yeah, he does—“ Sokka’s voice came from behind them.
“Aah!” I screamed. “Where did you come from?”
Sokka put his hands on his hips, “Mom. I can from Mom.”
I rolled my eyes and he snatched up the letter to look at it better. Even he cringed. “Yeah, something’s wrong.”
“You think I should go back?” I asked, slightly hoping someone would say that Zuko would be fine. I mean, it’s not like I hated him. I didn’t. But I was in the Southern Water Tribe! I’ve only been here a few weeks and I’d forgotten how much I like it. Integrating the four elements has proven to be a lot harder inside the Fire Nations walls. It’s only been a few years since Zuko took on the role of the Firelord; even though he’s worked with the Avatar, it was still hard to trust whether or not any other civilizations could live inside those walls. So there wasn’t much diversity amongst the civilians yet… especially people from the water tribe.
“Yeah,” Toph said. “Just to check. If it’s really bad, make him come here.”
I sighed, “I’ll leave after dinner then.”
“I hope he’s alright,” said Toph. “I hope he’s not spiraling.”
I sighed heavily. It took a lot for Zuko to get over having watched his sister spiral like that when the war ended. It was even harder for him to send her to the asylum. I couldn’t imagine having to do that to Sokka.
So later that night, I bid everyone a goodbye before leaving with my two guards. I never wanted them; Zuko insisted.
Gran-Gran gave me food to feed to Zuko that she claimed would help him feel better. When I hugged my father goodbye, he pulled away just slightly to hold my shoulders, “Katara… I understand the situation between you and Zuko…”
“Dad, if you’re insisting that he and I actually have feelings—“
He squeezed my shoulders, “I know… but he is still your husband, my moon. He is still your friend.”
I sighed, “I know.”
“Bring him here if he’s so down. I mean, you’re always traveling everywhere and he’s stuck. Just… I don’t know…”
I furrowed my brows, “Why are you so suddenly defendant of Zuko?”
“Well, as someone who also hasn’t seen their wife in a long time,” he shrugged, “it’s been hard.”
I swallowed hard at his words. Was me travelling so bad that Zuko thought I was basically dead to him?
This was the longest trip I’d gone on… I think I was just trying to keep postponing going back to the Fire Nation because then we’d have to celebrate our anniversary. And it wasn’t being celebrated how I always thought it would as a little girl. I used to wonder what it’d be like with a loving partner… but that’s not what Zuko and I were.
But that didn’t make him any less my husband.
“You’re right,” I rubbed my eyes. “I’ll write to you, Dad. Maybe I will bring him here.”
He nodded and hugged me tightly, shooting a death-like glare to my guards, “Make sure she gets home safe. I’ll hunt you down if I hear she got even a scratch on her.”
I gave him a small shove and beckoned my guards to board the boat. He threatened them every time. My guards knew to never question him on threatening the Firelord’s highest ranking soldiers.
They’d done it once and I’d flipped on them. They don’t mess around anymore like that.
I got to the palace late a few nights later; immediately swarmed by maids trying to pull me to my chambers to wash me up. I waved them off, insisting I could do it myself. Zuko was likely asleep. I quietly entered our chambers to see him laying on the bed, sleeping quietly.
I went to our bathroom and washed myself so my hair wouldn’t remain sticky from the seawater and the salt infused in it. Once I finished and pulled on clothes and a robe, I entered the chambers again to see the bed was empty.
My brows knitted together and I looked around, “Zuko?”
I got no answer.
Sliding my feet into a pair of slippers, I noticed his were gone. Did he leave because I’d come home? I exited the room and moved down the halls, desperately trying to track him down. Surely he couldn’t have gone far. Passing a guard, I questioned her, “Have you seen where my husband has gone?”
She blinked, shaking her head, “No, I haven’t seen Firelord Zuko, Lady Katara.”
“Have you seen anyone pass by?”
“I mean, I saw a couple people within the last hour. They all went down there, if that narrows down your search.” She studied me, “Is everything alright, Lady Katara? Is Firelord Zuko in danger?”
“No,” I shook my head. “I’m just looking for him. I brought a gift from the Southern Water Tribe.”
“Oh, well, please let me know if you think he’s missing.”
Katara nodded, “I will, thank you.”
I headed down the way she directed me, trying to think of where he might have gone. He was upset, right? His letters clearly expressed that. Maybe he needed to practice the fire to let off some steam? I checked the sparring room and saw nothing. Maybe he needed a breather? I checked the perimeter of the palace, searched the gardens, checked all of the courtyards. I started to worry until I heard a huff from up above.
My eyes just barely caught the glimpse of fire. On the roof. Then, in a very unladylike fashion, I began to climb the palace. What was anyone to do if they saw? Order me down? I was Zuko’s wife. He gave me quite the freedom to do anything I wanted despite what I thought he would. Perhaps he knew better than to try and constrain me.
Quietly, I moved all the way up to the very top of the palace to find Zuko sitting there with his head tipped up to the sky. He was facing the moon.
“Zuko?” I whispered.
He flinched and looked over his shoulder to see me, “Katara?”
“Hey,” she moved closer, “can I… sit with you?”
He nodded eagerly, “W-What are you…? Am I dreaming? I thought you were in the South Pole?”
I took the spot next to him, “You’re not dreaming. I just got here maybe an hour ago.”
“I… I didn’t know you’d be back so soon.”
“Hiding a mistress?” I teased.
His lips twisted just barely, “Yes, Katara. I’ve got myself a mistress.”
“No, I came back for you.”
“What do you mean?”
My eyes searched his face. He looked exhausted. Like he hadn’t slept in weeks. “You stopped writing your jokes, you know.”
He blinked, “My jokes?”
“In your letters to me.”
“I did? I thought…” he rubbed his face. “I thought I had.”
“Zuko,” I moved closer to him, “what’s wrong?”
“What? Nothing’s wrong.”
“Liar.”
“I’m not lying,” he glared.
“You are,” she tipped her head. “You can tell me what’s wrong, Zuko.”
He didn’t say anything.
“When was the last time you spoke to your Uncle?”
He looked away from me.
“Zuko, if you’re not even going to talk to him, I need you to talk to me.” I reached for his hand and when he tried to pull it away, I grabbed it anyway and placed our hands in my lap. “Please, you can talk to me, okay?”
“I… I can’t—“
“You can,” I urged, squeezing his hand.
Zuko picked his knees up and laid an arm over them to rest his forehead on, staring at the roof below them, “Do you think I’m turning into my father?”
I froze. “What?”
“You can be honest. Do you think I’m… acting like him? Or making similar policies?”
“No, of course not!” I laid a hand on his back, “Zuko, you… you’re taking care of this nation just fine, alright? You just made it to where you can’t challenge anyone to an Agni Kai if they’re below consenting age. You’ve done an amazing job at integrating refugees here and making sure they have everything they need. You walk around the towns at night to make sure.”
This first night he’d done it, I’d woken up to him in black, pulling a mask over his face. I’d asked him what he was doing, and he told me that he was going to look around the cities to make sure things were going accordingly. That there wasn’t any foul play happening in which the refugees weren’t getting their aid correctly.
I’d joined him.
Of course, after a lot of convincing.
I barely noticed the designs I was drawing on his back.
He sat up and faced me, “Katara, can you promise me something?”
“Yeah, anything.”
“If you think I’m starting to turn into him, kill me.”
I blinked at him, “Zuko, I won’t kill you.”
“You will. I can’t… Please, I can’t be him.”
“You’re not him,” I pleaded. “You know that. You don’t need me to tell you that—“
“But I do,” he argued. “I really… I really need you to.”
I sighed, “Okay.”
“Toph’ll kill me,” he said, looking away. “Just tell her that I need her to kill me. She’ll do it.”
“Zuko, no one’s killing you.”
“I might turn into him!”
“You won’t,” I grabbed his chin and make him meet my eyes. “You did not get to where you are now for you to turn into him. You did not admit you were wrong to us for you to go back to that life. You are more of a man than he was. I promise, I would not have married you if I thought any different.”
He stared at her for a few long moments, “You didn’t have a choice in marrying me.”
“Says you,” I said, a smile tipping my lips up. “You don’t give me enough credit.”
They both knew this. And they both knew Zuko would have fought against it if Katara truly wouldn’t marry him. But it was good for the world; and Katara didn’t mind him all that much.
“No, I don’t.”
“Why don’t we go to bed then?” I asked. “It’s getting cold.”
Zuko started to peel his robe off, “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Keep that on,” she reached forward, tugging it back over his chest. “It’s not unbearable, but it’s inconvenient.”
He sighed, getting up to his feet, pulling her up with him, “How was your trip? Your guards fine?”
“Yeah. They didn’t try to beat my dad up this time.”
“That’s good,” he interlocked their arms as they headed down the roof. Anytime we went down a level, Zuko jumped down first before helping me. I could do it just fine without his help. Yet I didn’t deny his offering palm. “Anything fun happen while home?”
“I almost got to drown Sokka,” I grinned. “But Suki made me stop.”
Zuko’s mouth widened into a small smile, “And to think I could have married someone else that wasn’t my murderous wife?”
“Helped birth some babies too,” I went on with a giggle. “One was a water bender and on their third day of being alive she was already playing with the water in the snow. Apparently her dad kept having to fix their igloo because of her.”
“You’ve helped birth babies?”
“Plenty,” I nodded. “Did one back when the war was still happening and we were going to go through the Serpent’s pass. And that’s when we didn’t have Appa either.”
“Was it your baby—?”
I shoved at him, “No, you idiot!”
“Alright, alright,” he held his hands up.
“But it does make me wonder,” I went on as we got back inside the palace walls, walking side-by-side, hips connected, arms interlocked. “I’m gonna have to give you babies one day.”
“Don’t word it like that,” he cringed.
“How else am I supposed to? I’m going to bear your heirs? You’re going to get me pregnant?”
Zuko shook his head with a laugh, “Please stop wording it like that. And I told you, we’re not doing that anytime soon if you’re not comfortable with it.”
“Yeah, but how long do we have until we actually have to have heirs?” I dropped my head on his shoulder.
“Who knows?” he shrugged. “I’m the Firelord. They can’t really tell me anything.”
“I guess… but you really should have heirs. No offense, but your family doesn’t have the best record with ruling this nation. I don't think I want to know who it would pass on to if you were to die before we had a child.”
He hummed, “I suppose. But if I die anytime soon, you’re becoming the Firelord.”
“I’m what!”
“Did you not know?” he met my eyes with a furrow in his brow.
“That… That’s never happened in all of this nation’s history, Zuko. A lord’s wife doesn’t become the lord. I mean… I was surprised to even see that your father was letting Azula become Firelord. Even though her position wouldn't hold much authority at that point—still.”
“Well other than Uncle, everyone’s insane. I was banking on Aang, but he’s just trying to find someone to bang to make babies so there will be more air benders and then he’ll be their ruler… or do the air nomads even have a ruler?”
I blinked at him, unsure of how Zuko was so easily able to calm down now that I’d been with him for more than five seconds. “You’re crazy.”
“Well? If we have a kid and I die before it’s like… I don’t know, eight? It’ll be your choice at that point, cause I’ll be dead and all.” That earned a giggle out of me. “But you can take my place or… our eight year old child can. But if I die before an heir is born… you take it. Uncle won’t want to. And I don’t want him to.”
I hummed, “Alright. I’ll be the Firelord… if you insist.”
My giggles escaped when he bumped his hip into mine and I stumbled. He pulled me close, muttering, "You're so dramatic."
"Sure," I cooed. "Me and totally not the man who allegedly fell sick because he did something good--"
"Uncle Iroh told you about that?" he flipped.
I grinned, "Your secret is safe with me, Lord Zuko."
"You're annoying," he grunted, pushing the door to our chambers open.
I patted his back as I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth, "You'll live."
He gave me one more little shove and I stumbled into the bathroom. I shut the door behind myself and saw myself in the mirror. I saw the blushing on my cheeks. I immediately looked away from myself in the mirror. The light-headedness caught up to me, the butterflies decided to finally start rumbling around in my stomach. It was always like this when I first got back from whatever trip it was. I was always so excited to see Zuko and I started to blush at everything he said. Even while arguing or sparring.
Usually it'd stop after the first day. I never thought anything of it. I was just happy to see my friend again; I had the same feeling when I saw the others. But... over the last few months, I've noticed that... it lasted my whole stay. And I would find someone or somewhere to visit before things could get too real. Before my whole "we don't have feelings for each other" spiel became a lie.
When I got to bed and lied down, I saw he was sitting up against the headboard with a bandage on his ribs. My eyes widened and I rushed to get on my side of the bed, reaching for him, "What the hell, Zuko?"
"Yeah, so," he scratched the back of his head, "kinda got hurt while sparring with Aang while you were gone... Mind healing me?"
She shook her head at him, "When was this?"
"A couple weeks ago."
"And it hasn't healed already?"
"Not fully, no. I think a rib was broken."
I nodded, "Let me go get some water--"
"Your bucket is full," he shook his head. "The maids provide fresh water every morning."
My mouth fell open just barely. The maids never do anything without an order. They were too scared they'd be banished or killed based on previous rulers. I knew that they did it while I was staying here, but I told them specifically to not do it while I was gone. It was a waste of energy for them. So... Zuko had to have made an order of it. But why?
I glanced over at the bucket in the cubby of my nightstand. It was full. I turned back to him, pulling the bandaging off, "You tell them to refill it every morning while I'm gone?"
"Yes."
"Why?" she furrowed her brows, cringing just slightly at the sight of the wound. "It's a waste for them."
"I never know when you're going to be back," he said. "It's just for if you come back unexpectedly. Like tonight."
I blinked, "Oh. Uhm, well, thanks."
He nodded, saying softly, "Yeah, of course."
I reached out for the water, summoning some of it to his wound, closing my eyes as I reached through to heal him. I managed to get a hold of the broken rib and I snapped it back into place, earning a grunt from Zuko.
"Sorry," I whispered.
"It's okay."
I finished the session and returned the water, pulling the bandaging back over, "That's all I can do for now."
"That's alright. Thank you, Katara."
"It's fine," I waved off his appreciation as I pulled the bandaging over his shoulder and to wrap around his waist. I laid the ending down flat under another layer and looked to meet his eyes. They were so fiery. They always were. Like a pot of gold had been melted and was being stirred around. My hands were still on his abdomen as I asked, "Good?"
Zuko didn't say anything. But his gaze was so entrancing, I couldn't move. I was suddenly aware of how little clothing not only I, but he was wearing. All I had on was a tank top and short, silk shorts. All he had were loose pants on.
His hand lifted and pushed a curl behind my ear, saying gingerly, "I've missed you."
Those words rang around in my head rapidly. It was... a lot coming from his mouth. Yet, I found myself leaning into his palm just barely. He missed me? What exactly did he miss? I wanted a list. Did it match up with mine? Did he miss me the same way I miss him while I'm gone?
Then, Zuko leaned closer. I could have stopped him. It wasn't so fast to the point I couldn't stop it. He took careful time to kiss me. And I let him. It didn't take long for me to copy his movements. I kissed him back, my whole body becoming a mess. My hands were carefully running up his chest as his fingers slid into my curls.
Then I remembered why I was back in the Fire Nation to begin with. Zuko wasn't doing well. He was close to spiraling. Partly because I was never with him, leaving him alone in the palace with no one. And he never visited Iroh because he was scared to disappoint him. I pushed off of him, "Zuko--"
"I-I'm so sorry," he panted. "I shouldn't--Katara, I shouldn't have done that."
My fingers grazed over my swollen lips. I wanted his mouth back on mine. So bad. So so bad. But... but we couldn't--well, we could. But he wasn't in the right mind, and frankly neither was I. I feel like I should probably be able to stay with him for a bit longer than I usually do before I make any kind of decisions like that; I shouldn't be a flight risk. Imagine what people around the palace say about me! About Zuko! Him having a wife that clearly doesn't want him because she's everywhere but at his side.
"It's okay," I shook my head. "Really, it's alright."
"It's not. I'm not...my head's all over the place. I don't know why I did that--"
I grabbed his hands and shook my head, "Zuko, really. I get it. I..." my words drifted away and I leaned over to pull him into my arms. "It's okay, Zuko."
"I just..." his hands fisted my curls, his voice was so timid I began to wonder if he was crying now. I'd only seen it once before. It took a lot. "Do you... Do you even like me?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You're never here," he whispered. "It's okay if you don't; I understand. But I thought... I mean, we're married. And while I'm not going to forbid you from exploring the world, people talk around here. There's rumors that you want nothing to do with me. I guess it's fine if you don't, but it's still...hurts to hear. And you're just... never here."
I squeezed my eyes shut as my heart constricted, tightening my grasp on him, "Oh, Zuko. I'm.. I'm so sorry."
"I'm so lost, Katara. I'm not sure what I have and what I don't... Maybe I was just overcompensating for you? But that was wrong, I'm sorry for doing that. I'll never do anything like that ever again."
I pulled away just barely to meet his eyes, pushing a long piece of hair out of his face, "I never meant to make you feel that way--"
"It's not your fault--"
"It is," I urged. "I should have noticed, okay? And... And if I don't notice something in the future, tell me." My eyes searched his face, "Zuko, I do like you, okay? You are a good person."
Zuko swallowed, "Okay."
I nodded and helped him lay down, "Here, just get some sleep. It doesn't look like you've been getting much. We'll go to Uncle Iroh's tea shop in the morning."
"W-What?"
"You don't have to tell him anything," I shook my head, pulling the blankets up over us. "We'll just have tea."
"Alright."
"Goodnight, Zuko."
"Goodnight, Lady Katara."
I rolled my eyes at this, a blush rising to my cheeks so I pulled my cover up to hide my face. When he turned his back to me to sleep, I watched his back for a while. At first, it was to see if he was breathing alright after I'd snapped his rib back into place. But then I was just... watching him.
Just before I fell asleep, when I knew he was out, I whispered, "I missed you too, Zuko."