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It was unusual for Bobby to get a call from anyone after work hours, but it was especially weird for him to get a call from Maddie Buckley. They’d spent a lot of time organising appointments, grocery runs and check ins when Buck had shattered his leg under a fire truck, but since then it had been mostly radio silence. Despite knowing Buck was most likely passed out at home, Bobby’s heart still leapt into his throat.
“Maddie, is everything okay?”
“Hi, Bobby, I’m sorry to be calling so late, I just... thought someone should... know.”
Bobby’s eyebrows furrowed. A quick glance over his shoulder was quick reassurance to his nerves; Athena and the kids were cleaning up after dinner still.
“Has something happened?”
“My parents are here.”
Her voice was hoarse. Raw, like she’d been crying.
“Maddie, I need you to work with me here.”
Bobby waved at Athena to get her attention and pointed first at his phone and then at the door, gathering his keys on the way. If he listened carefully he could hear Chimney in the background. Maddie’s sniffles.
“Maddie?”
“Um, they... Buck had an argument with them. I’m really worried about him, but I don’t think I should... it was you or Eddie and I don’t have Eddie’s number.”
Bobby’s lips twitched upward despite the ache in his heart. Buck loved with everything he had but he also struggled to let go. It was difficult to discern exactly what had been said, but judging by Maddie’s voice he could tell it wasn’t a light hearted argument.
“I’m sure he’s fine but I’ll text you when I find him. Do you think he went home?”
“I hope he went home,” Maddie whispered. Bobby hopped into his truck, sighing.
“Okay Maddie, I’m about to get on the road. Give me an hour and I’ll let you know.”
“Thank you so much, Bobby, I’m so sor-“
“-don’t apologise; hang tight.”
-
It took Bobby a moment to find the apartment key he needed amongst the rest of the spares he had on his keyring; Chimney’s, Hen’s, Buck’s and, more recently, Eddie’s. Hen was the only one who had a spare to Bobby and Athena’s, a tradition left over from before Bobby knew Athena or even Hen. Focusing back on his task, Bobby located the key and knocked to give warning.
“Buck, it’s Bobby. I’m coming in.”
He opened the door, stepping into the familiar space. Buck, sat at his dining table with a beer and a packet of crackers, was silent as he gestured with a bottle of water for Bobby to join him.
“Maddie doesn’t have Eddie’s number.”
“Maddie called me because she thought you needed someone in your corner.”
Bobby carefully eased himself into the dining chair opposite Buck, taking the water bottle offered.
“Thanks.”
“Did she tell you why I needed to have someone in my corner?”
“I think she wanted to leave that up to you.”
Bobby... had done this song and dance before. Many times. With Buck, but also with Hen. Chim. Eddie. May. Harry.
Brooke.
Robert.
And he’d do it again a million times over if that’s what his family needed.
“Or we can sit here and you can stew on it until I have to give another of these pep talks in... what, six hours?”
Bobby pretended to check his watch, but he’d sit there all night if that’s what Buck needed.
“I told you guys; my parents are in town.”
“You say that like it’s a problem.”
Buck’s stare remained fixated on his dining table. If he stared hard enough he’d probably burn a hole through it. That, and his relationship with his parents.
“They... Maddie always said they weren’t bad people... just bad parents. I hadn’t seen them so long I guess I... forgot about it. I wanted to see them, for Maddie’s sake. They showed up, we said hi, they were mean to Maddie about her age and the baby, my job... then they pulled out a baby boy they’d made for her. It was full of photos and shoes and hair from her first haircut and mom was so cruel to Maddie, Bobby. I couldn’t watch her dig at Maddie like that. I know I’m not enough for them but Maddie doesn’t deserve that.”
Bobby sighed.
“Buck, I’m... sorry doesn’t feel like enough.”
“It was stupid to think that they’d-“
Buck cut himself off, brows furrowed. His fingers lifted, playing with the label on his beer bottle. Bobby frowned.
“That they’d what, Buck?”
“That they’d changed.”
“Buck, they should love you regardless of whatever it is they think you’ve done wrong.”
“I was born. That was enough, apparently.”
“Buck...”
“No, it’s okay, Bobby. I know I don’t mean anything to them, I think I’ve known for a while. I just...”
Buck sniffed, swiping at his face. His blue eyes, usually warm and comforting, were a stark contrast to the red rimming. Bobby sighed.
“Finish your beer, then get in the shower. It’ll break up your congestion. I can organise someone to cover your shift in the morning-“
“-no!” Buck exclaimed, then lowered his voice, “this job is all I have right now.”
Bobby leaned back in his seat.
“Let’s see how you feel in the morning, if I don’t feel it’s safe I will pull the plug. It’s not just you I’m thinking about, Buck-“
“-it’s everyone else. I know.”
“I have a duty of care to every single person on that team, including you. Now; is there anything I can do for you right now?”
Buck swallowed.
“I’m fine. I’ll, uh, shower and then I think I’m going to go to bed. You don’t have to stay, I’ll... I’m okay.”
Bobby’s eyebrow raised but he kept his concerns to himself. He’d voice them to Athena when he got home.
“If you’re sure. Buck, I’m serious, if there’s anything you need-“
“-I’ll call Bobby. I swear.”
Bobby smiled.
“Good night, Buck.”
-
Bobby Nash: he’s going to bed
Chimney: is he okay?
Bobby Nash: it’s just going to take time
Bobby Nash: how’s Maddie?
Chimney: I can’t get a straight answer out of her, she’s really worried about Buck
Bobby Nash: tell her not to worry
Bobby Nash: we’ve got him, he’ll talk to her when he’s ready
Chimney: will he?
Bobby Nash: Maddie is the only parent he’s ever had
-
Eddie and Hen met outside the locker area, dressed and ready for their shift as usual. Hen’s face was pinched and Eddie frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
“Something’s up with Buck and Chim.”
“Buck’s here?”
Hen’s head tilted toward the firehouse gym, where Eddie spotted Buck with the punching bag. He was already sweaty and Eddie huffed.
“I’ll go get changed.”
“You’re a gem, Eddie!” Hen called after him. Turning on his heel Eddie went back into the change rooms and grabbed his gym gear from his locker. Before he could head toward the changing area he felt a hand on his arm.
“Eddie, can you do me a favour?”
Eddie glanced over his shoulder, brows furrowing.
“Chim, what’s up?”
“Something happened last night, with Buck and-“
“-their parents. How bad?”
The bags under Chimney’s eyes gave Eddie an idea of the severity and he cleared his throat.
“He didn’t deserve whatever bullshit they pulled, Chim.”
“I know that. Maddie knows that.”
“Does Buck?”
Chimney went quiet. Eddie closed his locker with a gentle shoulder bump.
“Look, man, Buck is a grown man and I’m sure he’s just processing it-“
“-fuck!”
“-like an adult. I should... go make sure he’s okay.”
Chimney backed away, swallowing.
“Eddie, the shit they said... it’s gonna take a lot to undo that.”
Eddie watched him back away, brows knitted in concern. With a huff, he went to get changed again for the second time in half an hour.
-
“What’d that punching bag ever do to you?”
Buck barely glanced up when he heard Eddie approaching, eyes focused on the bag in front of him.
“Chim already told you?”
“Buck, whatever they said, it wasn’t-“
“-they started in on Maddie first. They barely got their asses in the door and they’re shitting on her for taking so long to have their grandchild. I mean- I thought the first night was bad enough but fuck, last night... reminded me why I don’t make an effort to see them.”
Another couple punches.
“We were talking about work and my dad started talking about how much time I’ve spent in a hospital bed. Mom got upset so dad and Chim redirected to Maddie’s baby box. When I asked about mine... it went so fucking quiet. Turns out I didn’t get one, they were too far gone by then.”
Buck landed a particularly hard punch in the middle of the bag and he saw Eddie shift out of the corner of his eye to dodge the bag when it jumped on the chain toward him for a moment. Buck took a deep breath, backing away as his shoulders heaved. He was done crying about this, he’d been done crying about this for fifteen years and yet... part of him wanted to crawl back into bed and never get up again.
“Maddie begged me not to make a scene and I did anyway.”
“Buck, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad-“
“-I told them why I’m in therapy. The real reason.”
Eddie Diaz, therapy hater extraordinaire, raised an eyebrow.
“Didn’t go down so well?”
“We never made it easy for them. That’s what my mom said.”
The anger began to bubble in Buck’s stomach all over again and he lifted an arm, landing a couple more punches on to the bag followed by grunts.
His arms hurt. His legs hurt. His head.
His heart.
He’d left Maddie high and dry, unable to stand being in the room with his parents for another second. A part of him knew she had Chimney, and she would be okay, but another part of him felt incredibly guilty. The one thing he’d called her out for doing he’d done the second things got hard. His phone’s ringtone sounded loudly into the busy firehouse and Buck grabbed it, silencing the call and then ensuring his phone was set to vibrate only. The device continued to vibrate and he stopped punching again to flip it over so he couldn’t see the screen.
“I am so tired of being the black sheep of the family. I didn’t graduate from college, I blew cash on bikes and cars and travelling around the country. I was always in the hospital when I was a kid and I spent my twenties figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I have disappointed them so many times I don’t think they really care what I do anymore. All they could talk about was my job being dangerous and I...”
“Snapped?”
Buck’s head whipped around to Eddie, shoulders releasing the tension instantly.
“Yeah.”
“Have you spoken to Maddie?”
“It’s not her fault we have shitty parents but I just... can’t talk to her right now.”
Buck waited for the I know or the I understand but this was Eddie and Eddie... well, of all the people in the world he’d expect Eddie to get it but he’d never say it. He didn’t have to.
“Tell mom and dad how you feel. It could be a fresh start!”
Buck turned back to the punching bag, unleashing the almost thirty years of anger that had been building.
“Two dinners. Two dinners and that’s all it took I am twelve years old again, trapped between my parents and my sister all over again and now? I am... planning my awkward apology.”
“What do you have to apologise for? Did you say anything that wasn’t true?”
This is what Buck liked about Eddie; he could have smoothed it over, reassured Buck he didn’t do anything wrong and reminded him how important Maddie was to him.
“Uh, well, no, but-“
“Look, maybe you could have come at it a little differently, but if that’s how you feel – if that’s how they made you feel? Then you have every right to say something.”
Eddie is also such a dad it hurts a little sometimes.
“I don’t really need any more therapy. I just want to hit things.”
Buck was back on the punching bag, but Eddie’s hand slammed out at the last second and Buck glared at him. Eddie, as per usual, stared right back.
“I’ve been down that road; I don’t recommend it.”
Distantly, Buck could hear his phone buzzing again. He backed off to check the ID.
“Maddie again?”
“Yeah, she’s worried about me.”
That anger had built to full noise again and Buck whipped around, landing a solid kick with his bad leg to the punching bag. Eddie pushed himself off the wall, hands in his pockets.
“I can’t imagine why.”
Then he was gone.
-
“Hey, Eddie-“
Buck paused, brows furrowing. Eddie glanced at him as he tossed his work bag into the back of his truck, arms crossing over his chest.
“Your place or mine?”
“Yours- if that’s okay.”
Eddie hummed.
“Sure. You want to leave the Jeep here or-“
“-I have to do... something first.”
Eddie’s eyebrow raised but he nodded, rounding to the driver’s side.
“Cool, text me when you’re ready.”
“Thanks, Eddie.”
With Eddie gone, Buck reached for his phone.
“Maddie, hey- no, I’m fine, I just- uh. Listen, could I... I think we should talk. Can I come over? Yeah, okay, great. Thanks.”
-
Eddie had barely sat down when his front door opened and he glanced toward the entryway.
“Hey, that was quick-“
The joke on the end of his tongue died when he caught sight of Buck, kicking off his shoes as an afterthought. Eddie stood from his couch, finding Buck in his kitchen. He was staring blankly at the counter, mouth pressed into a thin line.
“Buck?” Eddie gently prompted, a hand reaching out to touch Buck’s bicep. He stopped himself at the last second when he caught the single tear that dropped down Buck’s nose.
“This whole time, I thought it was me and Maddie but it turns out it was me against them.”
“Buck, you’re not making any sense-“
Buck whipped around, doubling over by the sink as he leaned on his elbows and took deep breaths. The instinct from being a father and a medic kicked in and Eddie put a hand on his back, rubbing in gentle circles.
“Talk to me.”
“I can’t right now. I will, I just- can’t.”
“Gotcha.”
They stood in silence, Eddie still rubbing circles while Buck focused on his breathing. To Eddie’s neighbours, who were probably snooping considering the window near the kitchen was wide open, it was probably a strange sight. To him, to Buck, it was two buddies supporting each other.
“Just breathe, Buck. In through your nose-“
“-out through your mouth, I know. I did the basic first aid too.”
Eddie’s mouth twitched upward.
“He can speak.”
Buck carefully lifted himself from his crouched position. Eddie’s hands shot out, ready to catch him. He’d seen too many injuries occur after someone had stood up too fast.
“Couch?” He offered. Buck nodded, so Eddie stepped back to let him pass. As an afterthought he swiped a bottle of water from the fridge and followed his best friend into the living area.
“Chris here?”
“Yeah, he’s in his room. Did you want to go say hi?”
“In a minute. I have to get this out first.”
“Buck, Maddie loves you. Whatever it was-“
“-I had a brother.”
The room went silent. Buck leaned back against the couch, playing with a loose thread on his jeans.
“Maddie said I was a baby when he died, but I don’t- I don’t even... remember hearing them talk about him. My parents made Maddie promise she’d never tell me. Some big Buckley family secret.”
He scrubbed a hand through his hair, turning to Eddie.
“After the funeral they packed up and left town, not a word said. That was it; Daniel was a distant memory as far as my parents were concerned.”
Eddie waited a moment, giving Buck time to process what he’d just said, and then he gently nudged his arm.
“It doesn’t sound like she had a choice.”
“She’s had my entire life to say something, and she didn’t. That was her choice.”
Eddie went quiet. Buck shrugged.
“The real kicker is I was right; they didn’t even want to have another baby. They were done with just Maddie and Daniel but Daniel got sick and they ran out of options. Did you know the blood in an umbilical cord can be used to help kids with leukaemia?”
Eddie kept to himself that he was familiar with the process; of having a saviour baby in order to save a child. It was a morally grey area and he’d never been close enough to it to form an opinion.
Now, though...
“It all makes sense now; I was born to save him and I couldn’t even do that. Of course I was going to disappoint them-“
“-Buck, you were a baby, that’s not your fault.”
Buck scoffed.
“I couldn’t even save my own fucking brother, Eddie.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t think it was something you could control.”
Buck’s eyebrows raised as Eddie reached over, hand on his shoulder.
“Buck. It’s not your fault Daniel died.”
“Yeah? You know that do you?”
“I do.”
That was Eddie. Quietly confident, firm. He didn’t have the full picture and in all honesty, Buck didn’t think he did either. He’d walked out before he could really think past his own emotions.
And Maddie-
“Fuck, Eddie, I left Maddie there. Do you think she’s- I should- oh god, I gotta go and-“
“-no way. Lemme just... call Chim...”
Eddie shifted, reaching into his back pocket. At this point he should have had Chimney kept in his favourite contacts.
“Hey, Chim- yeah, he’s with me, how’s Maddie- ah... yeah, I’ll tell him. Hey, hold on a sec.”
Eddie put the phone to his shoulder.
“Buck, Maddie said she’s fine and when you’re ready she can tell you everything.”
“I don’t think I can take everything.”
Buck grimaced and Eddie sent him a suspicious look, going back to Chimney.
“Put a hold on that but he knows and he will call Maddie when he’s had some sleep.”
The call ended and Eddie put his phone back in his pocket, nudging Buck’s hand.
“She’s fine. Worried about you but Chim’s home now and he’s got her.”
“Okay... good. I just- I feel bad.”
Eddie shrugged.
“Well, uh, I don’t have a dead brother I didn’t know about for thirty years but... it makes sense that you needed space to breathe.”
“Eddie...”
“Buck.”
Eddie reached over, squeezing Buck’s shoulder.
“It’s okay.”
Buck sucked in a breath and Eddie pulled him into a hug.
“We got you.”
-