Work Text:
Special Department for the Gifted
" ...."
" ...."
"...* Clap*, * slurp*"
"Ango―kun, please stop chewing gum at such an important moment for your future"
The teenager, named Ango, just grunted and sprawled even more in his chair. He and his colleagues had just been caught hacking the department. It was only thanks to a specialized esper that the perpetrators were able to be caught. One of whom was now reclining in front of the head of this very department.
"Ango―kun, I'm aware of the situation with you. I am truly sorry for your loss. But what you're doing now is not the way out. You're doing great at school, and many people say only good things about you. I can't let such a young man disappear like that. I'm going to adopt you."
Ango, with every word from this man, strained more and more, and in the end he couldn't help himself and choked.
"Old chap, what are you doing?" He was almost wheezing.
The head of the department shook his head and examined the guy's unpresentable pose and his clothes: an eyeless Hawaiian shirt, ripped jeans, flip-flops and black glasses. Despite the fact that everything looked extremely unsightly, it was clear that the clothes were carefully monitored.
"But before we go to get the documents, we need to make you presentable. There's a dress suit in stock in your size, and shoes too. I'll be waiting for you outside the door. And comb your hair!"
The only thing Ango could do was open his mouth like a beached fish. But, as an aggressive person by nature, he was outraged.
" Did you get the coast wrong by any chance!?"
*** After a couple of years
"Now, you're a completely different person, Ango. Well-fed, ruddy, dressed to the nines, you talk decently.
"Thanks to whom, Taneda-san?"
"Oh, Ango, stop it! We're not at work. Sometimes I'm afraid of what kind of person I raised."
Ango just snorted at that and loosened the knot of his tie. And as if the mask had come off, he relaxed and asked with pleasure
"What, old chap, can't you take responsibility? Maybe then it's time for me to move out and get the money I'm owed?"
At this, the older man frowned and shook his head.
"I don't think you're old enough for this. You'll make trouble."
"Come on, old chap. Well, what could happen?"
***
"ANGOOOOOOOO! LITTLE BRAT, HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET INTO THE PORT MAFIA!?"
***Special Department for the Gifted>The Port Mafia
" Isn't this the star of this week, dear Sakaguchi Ango-san? The one who was caught stealing from the mafia? I thought you'd be taller."
The bandaged teenager rolled from heel to toe and threw it in Ango's face with exaggerated seriousness.
Ango had heard about him. Osamu Dazai, the diabolical prodigy, the uncrowned prince of the port mafia. One should obviously be careful with such a person. But even the upbringing of Taneda-san, who took Ango into his house, could not calm his impudent tongue.
" I also thought that the Chairman of the Port Mafia, who is terribly famous in our circles, would have a broad outlook. But as you can see, I was wrong."
Osamu looked at Ango in a daze, mutely asking, "did this man really mean that?" but then he laughed.
" I like you. Consider yourself lucky this time that no one else heard it."
He gave Ango a final slap on the back and walked away whistling merrily. Meanwhile, the brunette was almost in a fit. He just damn near died! He could have been killed for less, but he's like this!.. Insulted!... After offering a prayer to kami, in whom he did not believe, Ango continued to settle down at his new workplace. Being an archivist in the port mafia, working in the government, how could it be worse?
***After a couple more years
" Ango-kun, the port mafia needs your cooperation in one matter. Few people know you here, despite how long you've been working here ("compared to those who go out on combat operations" has remained unspoken), so it won't be difficult for you to get into Mimic. Can you handle this job?"
"Whatever the boss orders."
***
Ango has a strange relationship with a mafia boss. To be honest, Ango respects him in his own way. He likes him as a person. But as a person and a boss together, he can't accept it. He cannot accept how, with a smile and a black joke, he orders his subordinates to deal with the "cockroaches" who were their friends, but turned out to be traitors.
Ango himself has such friends, Dazai and Oda. Or should I say they were? After that fateful meeting in the hallway, Ango began visiting an unremarkable bar near his house. He unwittingly became a drinking buddy of a red-haired man and accidentally became friends. And then, as a matter of course, Dazai fit into their company. At first, Ango almost had seizures, paranoia gnawed at him, suddenly he was discovered, but no. His face, trained by his foster father, expressed nothing, and it was impossible to suspect him. As Oda joked, Ango was the most adequate and calm in their company. Inside, Ango was almost crying, because in fact, Oda himself was such a person. And Ango, deep inside, was still the same scruffy teenager who was forced to put on an adult mask.
The betrayal of his friends did not hit him very hard, but it tarnished his reputation a little. Fortunately, these idiots were able to clean up their tracks, and Ango himself was not suspected of desertion. But deep down, Ango admitted that he was still hurt that the other two did not offer to leave with them.
Sighing, and waving away unhappy thoughts, Ango continued to pack his things for the upcoming move to a new place of work.
***Department of Gifted Affairs>Mafia>Mimic
The department accepted his assignment from the port mafia normally. Even with joy.
"Did they assign you to sneak into the Mimic?" Huh, that's funny.
They didn't specify exactly what was funny about it. [As I understood in the canon, it was the department that instructed the Mafia to deal with the Mimic. And then it turns out funny that the mafia, not knowing about the "real" work of Ango, returned the hot potatoes back.]
"So glad they can start paying me less? Or that while I'm busy, they can push someone new into my place in the department? If you don't wait, I will continue to work with the same success, and it won't be so easy to displace me."
Ango nodded calmly, flashing the lenses of his glasses and was already heading for the exit when THIS man appeared.
"Ango, asshole, are you already leaving without even saying goodbye to Dad?"
Sakaguchi Ango, in his own words, an adult known for his resilience and confidence, grins boyishly, waves his hand and runs away, leaving the boss to tell Taneda about his new situation. And get pennies for it, respectively.
***
Andre Gide turned out to be not the kind of person Ango thought he was. Although outwardly he seemed proud and collected, but Ango, as the same person, saw that all this was fake. Which was confirmed in his further observations.
"What are you staring at, Sakaguchi?"
Ango looked around at about ten monitors, each of which had information related to some Russian.
"I'm just wondering how great a man is that you're so interested in him."
He was really interested in it. But only for the sake of reports to the mafia and the department. However, when he saw how, after his words, the Jew's eyes sparkled, how the Frenchman suddenly strained his body, and took Ango's hands in his own, the young man realized that something had clearly gone wrong.
"Sakaguchi. This is a really great man. And someday we will definitely work together."
Over the next few hours, Ango would try to leave under a plausible pretext, but "in such an informal setting, you can call me Andre", which reached free ears that were not afraid to find out anything about the boss's hobby, spoke recklessly. About the amazing "ability of Monsieur Fedor to calm my seething soul," about his beautiful "eyes that no amethyst can match," a magnificent mind, and so on-so on.
Ango became so indifferent to his life that right in front of the Jew, he began to take notes of everything he was talking about for further reporting to the bosses. And it seems that this only further spurred the Jew, who began to cut circles around the room.
Watching this, Ango could only think miserably, "Odasaku, wherever you are right now. Here is a clear proof that calm people are not really who they seem to be."
And keeping a steady expression on his face
Ango
continued to write
"... According to A.G, an unregistered user of F.D's abilities is a dangerous element. He should be closely monitored by experienced people if he comes to Japan. It is best to stop any attempt to enter the country. The subject is smart and very careful...."
***Department>Mafia>Mimic>Rats
"Monsieur Dostoevsky, meet Sakaguchi Ango. He will be your guide on this train. Unfortunately, I cannot join you today, but next time, I will show you some remarkable corners in person."
Ango tried to keep his face calm. But it was extremely difficult. The object of boss number three's sighs was right in front of him! The very man whose portrait he could describe in eleven sheets of sleep. The one whose well-known and painstakingly acquired crimes he carefully passed up, not allowing this man to go one step closer to Japan. Andre Gide, whether he was ill, for some reason did not want to return to France, the land of love, and wanted to meet this man in the land of the rising sun.
"Nice to meet you Dostoevsky-san." Despite the polite smile, sweat broke out on Ango's forehead.
"Mmm."
Without a clear answer from the interlocutor, Ango began a tour of Yokohama.
***
While Ango was showing another monument, the topic of their conversation also touched on abilities.
"So you're saying you can read the memories of objects by touching?"
"Yes, Dostoevsky san."
"And you can't control it?"
He could control her perfectly. But it's better to let the others think that Ango can't do it.
"Yes, Dostoevsky's dignity." Ango said with a little bit of sullenness. The more pitiful and forgettable he looked, the better. Honestly, there are many espers who cannot control their abilities, and who hate them because of this, how will he be different?
"Mhm."
***
"Sakaguchi. Dear Fedor was very pleased with the work you have done and offers to exchange employees for the exchange of experience. You have been chosen. But remember whose loyalty you have. Report his every move."
"Whatever you say."
***
"What? The Mimic puts you like some kind of whore to the new owner, and it turned out to be Dostoevsky?"
"Ahem, yes Mori-san."
"Ahahahah, well, Ango-kun. It's quite useful. And will you continue to work for Mimic?"
" Yes, but now my task is to monitor my new employer everywhere. I don't know why Gide-san is so strangely fixated on this man?"
Mori only shook his head cheerfully at the young man's question.
"They just follow the historical pattern of French-Russian relations, my young ward."
Ango raised his eyebrows in confusion.
"I'm sorry, Mori―san, but I don't quite understand what you mean."
Mori laughed again and ruffled the young man's hair.
" Go to work, Cupid."
***Department>Mafia>Mimic>Rats>Bloodhounds
An ordinary day, another work of Fyodor's guide. Ango was already getting used to it. But then he catches a man he knows from his work in the port mafia. Tachihara, meeting with Fedor, in an obviously business meeting.
" Oh, and here's the one we've been waiting for. Tachihara-kun, meet my secretary in Japan, Sakaguchi Ango-san. Ango-san, this is Tachihara-kun, our agent in the port mafia, he works for our dear colleagues, the bloodhounds. You'll be working
together for a while."
An eye meeting, and Ango has only one thing in mind. Fuck.
***
" Ahem, so you originally worked for Dostoevsky?"
"Yes. A side task led me to the port mafia, but soon I was declassified and had to leave."
"Oh, that's great, and I thought I hadn't seen you for so long! He did escape, and unnoticed. We all thought you were killed."
"As you can see, I am quite alive and well." (Boss, you said that few people know me!!!)
***
"So you're saying Tachihara is a traitor?"
( "I'm sorry Tachihara-kun, but it's either you or me.")
"Yes, Mori-san. I saw him when I met Dostoevsky, and he admitted that he works in Bloodhounds."
Mori continued to read the papers in a relaxed manner.
"Mmm. I've taken note of that, you can go."
"All right, boss."
Just as Ango turned to leave, Mori called after him
"Ah, and Ango-kun, next time, grab a Tachihara-kun uniform cap. I want to play a prank on him."
Ango shuddered imperceptibly.
" That's right."
The boss liked to tease his subordinates too much.
***Department>Mafia>Mimic>Rats>Bloodhounds>Guild
"Fyodor-san is sending me to a side job related to the Guild as a spy."
"You're perfect for this job, Ango!" If anything, for the old friendship of agents in the mafia, tell me what's interesting there? Bloodhounds will pay dearly for such information.
"OK."
Ango nodded and took a loud sip of tea. It had been a long time since he had eaten with a friend. He hopes that him won't get too much from Mori.
***
A handsome blond man, sitting relaxed in an armchair, measured Ango with a sharp look.
"Hmm, you'll be useful. Miss Alcott needs an assistant, she's been getting a little tired lately."
("Me too, fuck")
"I'll try my best, Fitzgerald-san. Ango bowed and left, accompanied by a cute girl with glasses. Literally an hour later, he was completely buried in the affairs of the Guild."
( "Francis-san greatly downplayed Olcott-kun's condition, she is more than 'a little tired')
***Department>Mafia>Mimic>Rats>Bloodhounds>Guild>ADA
" In a week we will fight with the ADA. Ango-kun, try to go scout the situation."
"All right, Fitzgerald-san."
***
As soon as Ango enters the ADA, they don't even turn around at him, he's so invisible. He collapses into a chair in exhaustion, and shakes his head in disbelief. But Ango must cherish every minute of rest, so, letting out a silent sigh of relief, he closes his eyes.
***
"What are you doing here, Ango? Do you want to invite us to the port mafia? How did Morey even find us?"
Ango opens his eyes with difficulty and sees his long-lost important friends, Dazai and Oda, in front of him. Those who left him alone in the port mafia without knowing that he was a double agent.
Judging by Dazai's look, he already realized from Ango's reaction that he didn't even know about their presence here, so he relaxed a little.
"No, you're not from the mafia. Then why are you here? Problems with the girl? Or have you decided to betray the port mafia and get a job here?"
At that moment, Ranpo enters the room.
After one look at Ango, Ranpo rubs his eyes in disbelief, looks at him again, and even puts on glasses for some reason and whistles. But apparently this gesture meant something to Dazai and Ode, and they both stared at Ranpo expectantly.
"You're a miserable guy, Mr. Spy. So much so that I can only identify three of the six organizations you work for. The secretaries of the port mafia are now in demand, aren't they?"
"What? From where?"
"This is my ability, stranger san. I can determine that you work for the mafia, for law enforcement agencies and for a terrorist group. The other works, as I understand it, are so similar that I cannot distinguish them."
Silence falls for a second. Then Dazai began to shake him at the break with Oda.
"Ango, WHAT?! Are you completely crazy to work so hard? I worked in the mafia almost until nightfall, we had to pull you out just to get you to rest, and now you're taking on even more?!"
"Ango, my friend, your balls have been spinning since we left, haven't they? You said yourself how much you hate recycling."
He had no choice but to grimace and lightly massage his temple. From their loud voices, the headache, which had only decreased from a fleeting rest, made itself felt again. Seeing his gesture, the men fell silent, but continued to stare at him stubbornly with displeasure.
" I have to admit, since you already know that I am connected with a lot of people, and what I am actually doing here. I work, as Ranpo-san understood, for the Department of Affairs
gifted since I was a teenager (outraged "What?!"from Dazai, it was interrupted by an Ode that stepped on his shoe), and on the port mafia. Then, some time after you left, Mori-san sent me to work as an undercover agent in Mimic ("What!?"there was no interruption from Odasaku, but Ranpo patted me sympathetically on the shoulder), there I somehow liked the head of the Rats of the Dead House, Dostoevsky (a gloomy look from Ranpo). I also established a connection with the bloodhounds (a twitch from Fukuzawa who came up) and, out of old friendship with one of their members, I got a job at the Guild (the whole agency started up together)."
He exhaled, and after a short silence, Ango continued.
"I came to you specifically, fulfilling a mission from the latter, because an attack on the VDA is planned in a week, and I was sent to scout the territory. I specifically fucked up ("Ango!?" From Dazai and Oda) to write reports for all these organizations, so I would be extremely grateful if you would let me sleep on this modest couch while you come up with a strategy and tactics against the guild, and then tell me what information I should give them about you. Thank you."
Waving his hand, Ango settled himself comfortably and took off his glasses, dozed off to the murmuring interrupted by the screams of detectives.
***
After that, the agency defeated the Guild without any problems
***
"Hello Sakaguchi-san, have you come to rest?"
" Yes, but also this time I'm from the port mafia. You are scheduled to be attacked in a week and a half. Let me know what to tell them. Is there a blanket in the closet?"
"...Yes"
***
After that, the agency easily restrained the mafia and established peace. There was a notable drinking party together, as a result of which Mori-san and Fukuzawa-san disappeared together for a short time. Ango prefers not to remember how he was afraid to take off the blanket for several hours so that his distracted boss and his, uh, friend would not notice him. Although judging by Mori's sly look when Ango left his office the next day, at least one person was aware of the unwitting viewer.
***
"Welcome Ango-san, what did you come with this time?"
" I'm from Rats. Fedor plans to scare you with the fatal outcome of several employees in three days. This folder contains everything you need to know about the composition of the organization. I went to the couch. I'll leave in exactly half an hour, I have an extremely busy schedule."
"Relax Ango-san"
***
After that, the agency beat Dostoevsky without any problems. The Jew-san cried for several days after that. Ango even felt a little awkward. Exactly until Andre the Jew tried to arrange an escape for Fedor in prison. Ango quickly contacted the department, and Andre was deported back to France, to a local prison. The department had the conscience not to leave the crazy Frenchman next to Dostoevsky, especially after numerous reports by Angot.
***
"Ranpo!!!! Ango-kun has come!"
"Angoooooo! My favorite office man! Kunikida, don't be jealous. Did you come with a new attack???"
"Yes..."
"Let me guess, let me guess! This!.."
"Ranpo-san, let us guess, we want to place bets!"
" I think it's the mafia again."
" It could be the tax office to send us a debt letter."
"Pfft, why would we end up in debt? Wait, Ranpo, why are you suspiciously frozen? What, two years of tax evasion?!?"
" I constantly get lost on the way to the bank, and then I stumble upon a crime and corny forget to pay! But ahem, back to the attack. These are Bloodhounds, am I right, Ango? Ango?"
" Let's keep it down, he's already asleep. And of course you're right, Ranpo, Ango left a folder on the table."
"Well, let's get down to business!"
***
After that, the agency neutralized the Bloodhounds and Fukuchi without any problems before the complete fuck happened.
***Somewhere in the Esper prison
" Argh, this is a damn detective agency! How did they manage to reveal our plans!?"
"Also after the defeat of the ADA?"
"And you too?"
"Yes. But at least not all the people of the organization are sitting here. Those who are free will definitely get us out. My second secretary will do his best. He's very diligent. And his coffee is simply divine."
"Phm, that's how you single out your secretary. But I'm sure it will be worse than mine. My assistant, I'm sure, is already looking for prison plans to get me out."
"Shut up both of you. Haven't you figured it out yet? Sakaguchi-san works for me, and he snuck into your organizations for me."
"Fyodor-kun! Did you follow us with the help of Ango-kun?! How dishonest of you..."
"...To lie that he works for you."
" ..What? Didn't you understand that? He works as a triple agent, but he is devoted to me. ("No, me!" "Shut up Fukuchi"). And I can't let someone else get such a good employee!"
They all fought over Sakaguchi's loyalty to Ango.
***
Extra "Notes on communication with bosses, author S.A."
Taneda-san is an old chap: he always grumbles that I am being overwhelmed with work, while not reducing it at all. He likes to say that this is how karma works, because I drained so much blood from him in my youth. Behave with restraint, with dignity, do not give in to provocations, send reports on each place of work, for some reason, except for Facial expressions. If possible, break into the department's security. Let them not forget who works for them.
Mori Ogai: While you're talking about how they fill up papers at other jobs, he can laugh and support, he enjoys my suffering and does not hide it. At the same time, it is necessary to provide all reports from other jobs (except for the department). Always bring sweets for Alice, it will also appease him. If there are emoticons in some reports, as well as jokes about the work done, he will be delighted. I think the theory that Alice is his "inner self" is actually true.
Andre Gide: To provide reports only on Fyodor's work, everything else does not concern him, and does not interest him. It seems strangely fixated on him, maybe they've met before, but I can't say for sure. He will be pleased if you describe Fyodor's daily routine, where he went, what he ate and what he was wearing (if there are photos, there will be a bonus). Damn stalker
Fyodor Dostoevsky: You always need up-to-date information about city maps, transport schedules, where they sell what, and so on. Will he be satisfied as long as I distract the stupid and also the worshiping lunatics, what are they attracted to him? subordinates from him and his important affairs.
Fukuchi: He likes to rant about old times and when people listen to him. It is enough to nod in time and ask leading questions. He also enjoys watching his subordinates spend time together (he seems to consider them a kind of grandchildren). He doesn't like cats.
Fitzgerald: It's worth serving him coffee on time, as well as including videos about his daughter and wife. As long as he sees Olcott-kun not straining, he is satisfied. Know the exchange rate, as well as what a particular person in the Guild does.
Fukuzawa(?): It's enough for him to see that I'm having a good rest
Extra 2
They were not close to the boss, until one day Mori Ogai began to invite Ango to play with Alice (although at that time Ango was almost dying inside, but as he would understand later, these meetings were connected with the fact that one notorious head of the ADA took a black-haired guy with glasses for adoption. Maury was just following the fashion. But when Ango found out about it, he couldn't help but curse him to himself. He and Ranpo-san don't look that much alike!)
Extra 3
Department>Mafia>Mimic>Rats>Bloodhounds>Guild>Seventh(?)>ADA
"Kami-sama, how tired I am of all this," Ango sighed wearily, propping up his chin and stared unseeingly at the screen where Oguri Musitaro escaped from the cell with the puppies of the VDA.
"Well, that's why I can't sit in one place, why!?"