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“You okay, Evan? You’re kinda tense.”
No, Buck was most certainly not okay. He’s had a rough day, alright? A rough week, to be exact. Once the pining over Tommy had stopped kicking his ass, he began to worry if he was even doing this right. Tommy was the first dude he’s ever kissed, ever even liked, he’s bound to fuck up somehow.
“Yeah, I mean, it’s my first date with a dude,” He says, trying to come off nonchalant, and judging by Tommy’s raised eyebrows, he does not succeed. “I’m not weirded out or-or anything.”
Before Tommy even has a chance to respond, his face is lighting up as he greets Eddie. Buck’s Eddie. Buck’s best friend, Eddie. Buck’s I haven’t actually spoken to him like you told me too and I’ve been actually kind of avoiding him so he doesn’t know what I’ve just learned about myself and now I’m freaking out Eddie.
“Hey man!” Tommy says.
“Oh hey! And Buck’s here too, y’all came together?”
Buck wants to cry. Scratch being okay, he’s absolutely miserable. He legit wants to cry. He is pretty sure he is somewhat already somehow.
His best friend is here. His best friend, who he has not spoken to since he accidentally, maybe on purpose, he had no idea, maimed him on the basketball court, is here. His best friend is here with his girlfriend that Buck doesn’t actually like for reasons he can’t tell you about, and they think that Tommy and him are just hanging out. Because there’s no way a guy like Buck could be queer, right? Not that Eddie knows either way, Buck hasn’t spoken to him.
The conversation grows muted around him and he longs to drown himself in Tommy’s water glass. This… this he does not recommend. Zero out of ten. Zero stars.
A light kick to the shin jolts him out of his thoughts and he drops the napkin he’s been shredding subconsciously down on the table.
“You alright?” Tommy asks him, looking concerned. Buck flushes. “Eddie’s said your name like four times.”
Buck refuses to look over at Eddie, where he knows Eddie and his girlfriend are sitting, staring at him, concerned. He doesn’t want or need their concern, he just wants to leave. It takes him a minute, his mouth opening and closing as he tries to think of what to say, to realize, he can just say he wants to leave.
“I want to leave,” He blurts, his cheeks turning even more red as he can feel Eddie’s confusion growing. He doesn’t look at him though, he only has eyes for Tommy. Tommy, who’s grown incredibly soft and stares at him with concern and understanding.
“If you want to leave, Evan,” He says quietly. “We can leave. It’s okay. Let’s go.”
Buck finds that he doesn’t at all hate it when Tommy calls him, Evan, in fact he kind of likes it. The way he says it is like a promise, a vow that he’ll keep Buck safe, and no one’s ever really promised to keep Buck safe besides Eddie. Eddie, who he is currently trying to get away from.
And in moments, he’s being handed Tommy’s car keys, and Tommy’s basically pushing him out the door while Tommy pays for the drinks. He tries to protest because he does still owe Tommy a beer but Tommy shushes him, and points back towards the exit. He doesn’t even have to say anything to Eddie, Tommy takes care of all of that already.
He doesn’t know how long he stands outside Tommy’s truck just staring at it before Tommy’s pulling the keys from his hand.
“Hey,” He mumbles. “I could do that, I had them-“
“No shh. It’s okay.”
Tommy’s pushing him into the backseat of his car and climbing in after him. And Buck bursts into tears. Not the sexy tears, not like the kind that say you make me feel so good, I’m just overwhelmed tears. Not those, nope.
The bad kind. The kind that says this was an awful date and I had an awful time and you’re an awful person who should hate yourself and I feel awful, fuck you, that kind. The kind that he probably should’ve had when he was dating Taylor Kelly, not just because his best friend just happened to show up on his date.
“Oh baby, what’s wrong?” Tommy whisperers, pulling him closer to him.
“I don’t know,” He sobs, frustrated. “I saw him, and I panicked, and I-”
“Hey, hey,” Tommy says. “Breathe, Evan. It’s okay. It’s okay. You haven’t told him yet. You don’t have to tell him.”
“But I want too,” He brushes angrily at his eyes. “He’s my best friend, and he’s not homophobic, and I’m not ashamed of you or of me-”
“You don’t have to tell anyone, Evan, I won’t be mad. This is your journey.”
“But you deserve better,” Buck whispers.
“You’re thirty, baby, and just realized you liked guys. I think what the two of us actually deserve is for you to take your time, and come out when you want too. I’ll still be here. I’ll stay. It’s okay, Evan. It really is.”
And the way Tommy looks all earnest, and honest, and worried shows Buck that he means what he says, and Buck relaxes fully into his skin for the first time since the lightning strike.
They take things slow, but they don’t leave his apartment for days unless one of them has a shift. Buck enjoys just being Evan and Tommy, no expectations.
________
Too bad it all came to a head a few days later.
________
Buck sniffs as Hen pokes at his throat. It hurts. He was overpowered by a man and not in the way he liked. No, this time it was by a man he didn’t even know and his freakish zombie like hand.
“Well, I don’t think there’s any damage but we should-“ Hen begins to only be cut off by a commotion to the side.
“Let me through,” It’s Tommy. It’s Tommy and he sounds mad, and he should honestly be sleeping because his shift ended when Buck’s began. And honestly that’s a bunch of bullshit because Buck just wants to hang out with his friend-boyfriend- his whatever and that’s impossible to do when one of them is always on shift. “I’m LAFD. Let. Me. Through.”
The cop must decide it’s not worth it to fight him on it, because he’s letting Tommy pass, and Tommy is heading straight to him.
Buck pulls away from Hen with a whimper, and shakily tries to button his uniform all the way up. Tommy can’t be mad if he can’t see the bruises.
“Let me see,” Tommy says, reaching them, ignoring the way Hen gapes at both of them. Buck shakes his head weakly, his hands going to cup his own throat gently.
“No,” God, that hurts. It hurts. His throat hurts, speaking hurts, he just hurts, and he longs to just have Tommy pull him into his arms and make it all alright. But he’s at work, he has to finish his shift, and he’s still not out yet, and Tommy is mad. So it’s better that Buck just doesn’t move.
That doesn’t pacify Tommy. No, in fact, it makes him somehow even more agitated, and he reaches for Buck’s hands, trying to pull them away from his throat.
“Let me see,” He says again, and Buck shakes his head, pulling away from him. “Goddamn it, baby, let me see!”
Everyone grows still around them, and Buck freezes, staring at Tommy wide eyed. There’s a sound of someone fumbling something heavy to the side where Buck knows Eddie is restocking the gear. There’s no point in fighting it anymore, and Tommy’s too worried to realize what he said. Buck also just wants to be held, and he doesn’t even care about coming out anymore. His throat hurts. He wants his boyfriend to kiss it better. He swallows and immediately winces, his hands dropping.
“Holy shit, thank you,” Tommy scoffs, his hands undoing the buttons on Buck’s collar with ease, so he could see better. “Was that so har—Jesus fucking Christ, Evan!”
“It’s better than it looks,” He says hoarsely.
“Are you sure, because this looks pretty bad. Like really bad, and you sound like shit.”
“What are you even doing here?” Buck whines instead of answering. “You’re supposed to be asleep. You just got off shift.”
“Eddie texted. We were supposed to call when he got back to the station to find some time to hang out. He texted, saying the call went over and you got hurt.”
“You-you didn’t have to rush over,” Buck mumbles, dropping his head. “I-I’m fine.”
“Evan. Evan, look at me. Look at me.” Tommy’s voice is firm and leaves no room for disagreement, so Buck wearily raises his head. Tommy’s eyes lock on his, and Buck wants to cry at how much the sight of them makes him want to go home. “Do you feel fine?”
He forces a smile, opens his mouth to tell him he’s, yes he’s fine, he feels fine, everything is a-ok, but that’s not what happens, no.
He opens his mouth, and he whines . He honest to god whines, and shakes his head.
“No, hurts.”
“Poor baby,” Tommy says quietly, his hands coming up to touch Buck’s neck again, gently. His insides fill with warmth at how gentle he is and his words, and Buck flushes.
“Yours,” He mumbles.
“All mine,” Tommy grins at him for a moment before stepping back to talk to Hen. “Which hospital are you taking him to, I’ll meet you there.”
“I- I uh-“ Hen is flustered. Hen never gets flustered. He’s never going to be able to swallow again. This is a nightmare. He’s never gonna—
Tommy knocks into his shoulder, and hard too.
“Ow,” He whined, scooting away from him. “What- what was that for?”
“You’re thinking too loud, take a breath.”
“I’m pretty s-sure I’m wounded here, so you’re supposed to be nice to me.”
“Uh huh, tell me where they’re taking you and I’ll apologize with a kiss.”
He doesn’t actually know if they said where they were going, and if they did, he doesn’t actually hear where.
“Uh, LA general?” He whispers, rubbing at his throat.
“Good try, but no.” Tommy tells him, pulling his hand away from his throat. “Cedars, I’ll meet you there, okay?”
“No,” Buck whines. “Please stay. Please.”
“Evan, I can’t. I wish I could but I drove here. I’ll need my car to take you home after you get checked out. Okay? I’ll meet you there. I promise.”
“Tommy.”
“Baby.”
Buck does try the puppy dog eyes but Tommy is not at all having it, so Buck sighs and leans back on the gurney.
“See you soon,” Tommy says, brushing his lips against his forehead.
“See you,” Buck sighs, and the ride back is so awkward, Buck thinks he’d rather get strangled again.
__________
Luckily, there’s no damage to his throat. He’s going to be sore, and whispering for a while but there’s nothing really wrong with him, and because there’s not exactly anything wrong with him, Chimney sees that as the go ahead to quiz Buck.
“So Tommy Kinard, huh?” He asks, the brotherly teasing glint in his eyes. “Calls you baby, and everything.”
Buck rolls his eyes and shrugs.
“Buck doesn’t have to tell us anything he doesn’t want too,” Bobby soothes. “We’ll be here when you do want to tell us.”
Buck nods, and clears his throat, wincing again, as the motion grates against the sore muscle.
“So- so actually, I’m gay, or-or like bisexual, I don’t know yet, so um, I’m figuring it out you know. I’m queer or something. And I like Tommy Kinard. I mean I really, really like Tommy Kinard.”
Honestly, he didn’t expect to be telling his family this in the middle of a crowded hospital ER, or to have to be whispering because his throat burns so much that even whispering hurts, but he doesn’t think he’d have it any other way.
The crew erupts in cheers, earning dirty looks from nurses, but Buck doesn’t care. Bobby is too busy telling him how proud he is, and how much he loves him, Chimney is busy trying to convince everyone that he called it and no one is believing him, Hen’s mentioning something about Pride and how he has to go with her and Karen in July, and Eddie… Eddie is smiling at him.
It’s a weird smile, Buck doesn’t think he’s ever seen that smile but it’s still a smile, and Eddie looks proud of him too.
“Love you, Buck,” Eddie says, and Buck smiles at him.
And when Tommy comes into the hospital room with a giant smile, and flowers, and a kiss just for him, Buck begins to understand the meaning of happiness for the first time in his life, and he loves it.