Chapter Text
Chuuya's eyes shoot open as his phone buzzes incessantly, the sound piercing through his sleepy haze. He groans, rubbing his temples, only to freeze as he realizes he isn’t alone in bed. He stretches his arms out and his hand meets something warm, smooth and decidedly not his pillow. He blinks, once, twice, thrice, waits for his blurry vision to clear, and shrieks. His hand is resting on top of someone's cheek. And not just someone. Next to him, sprawled like a lazy cat, is Dazai, of all people.
"What the... Dazai?!" Chuuya exclaims, voice rising in panic. "What the fuck are you doing here?"
Dazai stirs, blinking blearily. "Mm, good morning, Chuuya. Sleeping, obviously. What's got your panties in a twist?"
"My panties?!" Chuuya sputters in outrage, sitting up so fast he nearly headbutts Dazai. "We're in the same bed, Shitty Dazai! Explain that!"
Dazai's eyes widen as he takes in their surroundings. "Oh, that is... unexpected. I don't remember how this happened at all."
"Of course you fucking don't!" Chuuya snaps, grabbing his phone to check the messages that had woken him up. The Flags group chat had gone batshit insane.
Albatross:
>Chuuya, WHAT THE EVERLOVING BULLCRAFT WITCHSHIT FUCKERY HAPPENED LAST NIGHT AIDJHSKXBSKCBSMDDK
>IM PROUD OF YOU TBHHH
Lippman:
>Please tell me you finally got ur shit together.
Me:
What the actual fuck are you guys on about?<
He can guess what they're about. His heart practically stops when they send a video. He’s making out with Dazai. Making out, while sitting on his fucking lap. Chuuya contemplates jumping out of the window. Then there’s pictures where you can see Chuuya basically humping Dazai’s thighs. Shit fuck shit fuck shitshitshitshit. The screen is filled with notifications from the Flags, nearly every message a damning photo or video from the night before. Chuuya blanches and nearly throws his phone across the room. Meanwhile, Dazai is busy collecting his things and getting back to his bed, ignoring the rush of notifications from his own phone and putting it on silent. Chuuya swipes to find some tamer photos to show Dazai to figure out what the hell happened.
“Oi! Shiity Dazai!” He calls out, phone gripped tight. Dazai takes his sweet time dropping his things down onto his bed and walking back up to the ginger.
"Look at this!" Chuuya shoves the phone in Dazai's face, showing him the incriminating evidence. "We were... we were..."
"Dancing?" Dazai offers, trying to lighten the mood.
"Dancing?!" Chuuya echoes, voice rising to a near-shout. "We were practically cuddling, you idiot! And now everyone thinks we’re fucking dating!”
“Would that really be such a pain Chuuya~?” Dazai asks, saying his name by extending the two syllables and adding a slight pause in between. Chuuya glares at him and stomps off to fix himself up for the morning a little. When he comes out of the bathroom, he gestures at the door for Dazai to go in, grateful that they both ended up waking up with shirts on at the very least.
Chuuya looks down at his phone again, and his eyes nearly pop out of his head. Ice Man just sent another picture in the Flags group chat. There’s a picture of him and Dazai. He sees himself, sitting on Dazai’s lap, head tilted back and slightly towards the camera. Dazai’s sucking a hickey onto his neck right under his choker, the upper half of his face concealed by Chuuya’s head. Chuuya’s eyes are closed and he looks incredibly flushed. He flushes in real time too and goes silent, unaware of what to do. While there are other, more intense photos, this feels the most intimate. despite the lust-crazed setting, they actually look… romantic? In love? How the hell is that possible? Chuuya doesn’t entertain the rest of that thought and sits dumbstruck for a while before Dazai exits the bathroom.
He hands the phone over to the brunet, knuckles whitening as he clenches his fists tight. Chuuya squeezes his eyes closed and counts backwards from ten, breath coming shallow through gritted teeth.
Dazai winces, finally realizing the gravity of the situation. "Oh, dear. This is quite the pickle, isn't it?"
"A pickle?!" Chuuya exclaims, throwing his hands up in frustration. "A, who uses that fucking word in this situation, and B, we have to do something about this! We can't let everyone think... think that we... like each other or something!"
Dazai raises an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his eye. "But do we, Chuuya? Like each other, I mean?"
Chuuya's face turns an impressive shade of red. "Shut up, Dazai! This is serious!"
As they try to figure out how to salvage the situation, Chuuya's phone buzzes again, another message from the Flags popping up on the screen.
Chuuya’s jaw drops. Dazai peers over his shoulder; looks dazed for a second and bursts out into shocked and insane laughter.
Chuuya throws a pillow at him.
Albatross :
> its about fucking time you confirmed what we already knew tbh. adam owes me 200 yen
Adam:
> To be fair, they were so oblivious about their own feelings I didn't think they’d get their heads out of their asses, like, EVER.
”This is your fucking fault, Mackerel,” Chuuya groans, falling onto his bed.
“My fault?” Dazai whirls around. “How did you manage to come to that conclusion? Look at those pictures, Chuuya. It’s clearly you kissing me.”
“You’re delusional. Whatever. We just need to tell them we aren’t dating right now. That was all just… a drunken mistake.” Chuuya sees Dazai’s face fall for just a split second, before he recovers with that signature smirk on his face. Did he actually see that? No way. His eyes were probably playing tricks on him.
”You really should do something about those hickeys first, Chibi.”
Chuuya screams.
————————————-
After the two of them are dressed, hickeys covered in either clothing or Yuan’s concealer (because she just had to demo it for them), they decide Chuuya will video call the Flags and explain the situation. Yuan already knows the truth, and although she doesn’t completely believe them, Chuuya really doesn’t want to argue with the only member of the Sheep who hadn’t completely abandoned him.
Later, in the afternoon, Chuuya sits in his room, laptop propped on his thighs, as the video call connects to the Flags. Their faces appear on the screen, each wearing a mix of confusion and amusement.They dance around the topic for a while, either quoting memes or just goofing off in general.
"So,Chuuya, what's this we hear about you and Dazai?" Albatross asks, a grin playing on his lips. Of course he was the one to ask first. This was going great. He’s never made up a lie that successfully fooled Albatross. He can smell lies from miles away, yet he’s still fucking oblivious to the truth.
Chuuya's heart thunders in his ears. This is a make it or break it moment. If his friends don’t believe him… well, they have to. Right?… "It's not what you think. We were at a party last night, and things got a little out of hand. But there's nothing going on between me and Dazai."
"Sure, sure," Ice Man says, leaning closer to the camera. "But you and Dazai have never been this close before. We know something’s going on, Chuuya.”
Albatross smirks at him and nods his head in agreement while Piano Man chuckles lightly.
"It's not like that," Chuuya insists, feeling a pang of frustration. "We're just friends. Yes, we're close, but that doesn't mean we're dating." Why don’t they believe him?
Pianoman nods, a knowing look in his eyes. "But you have to admit, you and Dazai have been pretty... cozy lately."
Before Chuuya can respond, Doc and Lippman chime in. "Cozy is an understatement," Doc says, a teasing smile on his face. "The way you two act around each other, it's like you're practically married,” Lippman continues.
Chuuya groans, feeling his face heat up. "It's not like that at all. We were just caught up in the moment. We don't even remember what happened last night." This is a nightmare. He should get someone to slap him awake.
"Uh-huh, sure," Adam says, a smile on his face. “ You two did have quite the night though . Maybe it's time to admit there's more to your relationship than just friendship."
Albatross leans back in his chair, a smirk playing on his lips. "You know, Chuuya, I actually knew you and Dazai were dating months ago. I just didn't say anything because I thought you were keeping it a secret for a reason. Now that everyone knows though, that’s not really a problem."
Chuuya's eyes widen in shock. "What?"
"We're your friends, Chuuya," Albatross says, mistaking the reason behind Chuuya’s surprise. "It's our job to know things. And trust me, the way you and Dazai act around each other, it's pretty obvious there's something going on." His grin widens and Chuuya feels a burst of rage at this reaction from people he thought who knew him. Sure he and Dazai had been a little… closer these days, but that meant nothing. They were friends.
Chuuya feels like he's going to be sick. Not only do the Flags already think he and Dazai are dating, but they also think he has been lying to them for months. This is turning into a disaster. The rest of the Flags continue to bombard Chuuya with questions and teasing remarks, each one more incredulous than the last. Chuuya tries to defend himself, but it's no use. They all seem convinced that he and Dazai are in a secret relationship, and nothing he says can change their minds.
Finally, Albatross speaks up again. "Look, Chuuya, we're your friends. We just want you to be happy. If you and Dazai are together, that's great! You don't have to hide it from us."
Chuuya shakes his head, feeling a mix of frustration and resignation. "I'm telling you, we're not together. I don’t like Dazai like that. We're just friends. Yes, we're kinda close, but that's it."
The Flags exchange skeptical glances, but Adam speaks up, a hint of sympathy in his voice. "Alright, Chuuya. We'll drop it for now. But just know that we're here for you, no matter what."
Chuuya sighs, feeling defeated. He knows he'll have to talk to Dazai and figure out what's going on, but for now, he's just grateful that the conversation is over. Little does he know, things are about to get a lot more complicated. Like a fuck ton more complicated. He bids the Flags goodbye and slams his laptop shut in frustration. He buries his face in his hands to avoid breaking something.
———————
Meanwhile, Dazai is facing his own issues. He frowns as he engages in a text-war with Sigma, who still thinks he’s dating Chuuya. Why the hell does no one believe him? It wasn’t as if they were acting like a couple before this whole thing happened. Sigma calls him and Dazai picks up immediately.
“There’s pictures of you eating each other’s faces and sucking each other's souls out.”
Dazai cuts the call. His finger hovers over the block button for a while, before he settles for renaming his contact. Chuuya barges into the living room of their shared space, disturbing Dazai’s spiteful silence. He looks Dazai dead in the eyes and describes his call with the Flags. Dazai goes solemn and nods.
“Same here. Although I can’t imagine why they’d think I’d date a Slug like you.” He pulls up the messages between himself and Sigma as well as his other friends. All of them either congratulating him on his relationship, mad at him for not telling them about it or both. Chuuya can’t bring himself to be mad about the use of the nickname. He tenses up before he grabs a pillow and screams into it. Dazai looks at him, amused, before saying that the two of them should start figuring out what to do.
“We still don’t know what happened last night,” Chuuya points out. Dazai raises an eyebrow, smile widening. Right, the videos. And the pictures. Chuuya relents and turns to face Dazai. He slumps down onto the couch, frowning.
“They don’t trust us, like, at all,” he finally says. Dazai snorts.
“It isn't really a daily thing to watch your friends- who have only recently become close, mind you- making out and giving each other hickeys. Especially with the timing.” Chuuya looks grim at that, gesturing for Dazai to continue.“Those of them that don’t think we were already in a secret relationship think that we’ve made it official right now.” Chuuya rubs his hand over aforementioned hickeys and sighs. Dazai fucking mauled him. Looking at Dazai’s neck though, he can see that he returned the favor. Enthusiastically. Ugh.
“Yes, because the best way to start a relationship is to wake up next to each other with amnesia,” Chuuya says, slumping onto the couch. He checks his phone again, only for his face to fall in dismay as he realizes Tachihara, Gin and the rest of he and Dazai’s mutual friends have also found out about the whole thing. He grabs ice cream from the freezer and eacts straight from the tub because this is a fucking crisis.
Dazai fights back a smile watching his roommate decimate the cookies and cream ice cream before he gets an alert on his phone. Whatever minimal color he had on his face bleeds out, and Chuuya swears that his roommate is the same color as his bandages. Dazai excuses himself, walking quickly and slightly off balance. Chuuya sighs and opens Tiktok for a while while shoveling the most marvelous human creation in terms of desert into his face.
When the brunet returns, he’s clutching a bouquet of beautiful blue roses and a card. He’s too calm. Scarily calm. Something is seriously wrong. Chuuya can tell by the fake look of boredom on his face and the way his hand shakes as he tosses the bouquet in the trash. Dazai doesn’t tell him what's wrong, though. Chuuya doesn’t push. Dazai’s obviously upset, so he’ll ask in the morning, when he’s calmed down. They get ready to turn in for the night, well aware that the both of them have classes the next morning. Chuuya carefully takes the concealer off his neck and looks at the place where the tube rests next to the color corrector and his moisturizer.
He knows he doesn’t really fit the gay stereotype- which in his opinion is bullshit because not all gay people are like that- but he does (as all beings should) take care of himself and his skin. The amount of straight men who think it’s optional repulses him. Speaking of straight men…. Wasn't dazai actually straight?!
Forgetting his earlier decision to leave the man alone, he darts out of the bathroom, splotches of cold cream still on his face.
“Dazai, aren’t you fucking straight?”
The man in question stares at him in shocked silence before bursting out into laughter. “Chuuya, there’s evidence of us basically halfway to sex and you think I’m straight?”
Chuuya glares at Dazai while he calms down slightly and crosses his arms.
“To answer your question Chuuya, no, no I am not straight. I had my bisexual awakening a while back.” He stares up at Chuuya apologetically. Neither of them had forgotten orientation.
Chuuya’s chest hurts just a little at that. Why the hell was the fact that he was not Dazai’s bi awakening hurting? He shoves those feelings down, congratulates him on coming out, and locks himself back into the bathroom. He needs to fucking chill. Like seriously.
As he snuggles down in his sheets fifteen minutes later, he remembers everyone saying that he and Dazai had already been acting like a couple for a while. He doesn’t have to dig too far into his memories to realize they were right. They were always sitting too close, always noticing little things about each other and pointing them out and more recently, bringing each other up in conversation way too often. There was a sense of extreme comfort between them, as if they were so attuned to one another that nobody else mattered. Chuuya had been so busy dealing with all his shit he hadn’t noticed, and if he had, then he’d brushed it off because Dazai had told him he was straight.
ORIENTATION
Dazai is not a fan of crowds. The stink of sweat and cacophony of overlapping voices are not the only reasons, but right now, they are very much clear. He wrinkles his nose and bears it anyway. He has plenty of experience pretending he wasn’t disgusted by people thanks to his upbringing. Dazai didn’t really expect the drinking culture to be so big at his new university, and it was only orientation, but he’s not really complaining.
That is, until someone throws up all over him.
He curses under his breath as he makes his way to the bathroom. Dazai throws the door open and rushes to the sink, trying to get off as much as he can without emptying his own stomach. A laugh rings out and when Dazai whirls his head, his brain short circuits. Washing his own hands is a short ginger with the most striking blue eyes Dazai has ever seen. He’s just wearing blue jeans and a gray turtleneck and half his hair is longer than the rest, yet somehow he’s absolutely stunning. Dazai knows that his own face is completely blank, but he sees that the boy must be feeling the same way about him. Belatedly, Dazai remembers that he’s straight.
He turns away and realizes that he’s absolutely drenched now. He pats himself as dry as he can, and when he’s done, the boy is gone. Dazai sighs and goes back to mingle, and hopefully, find the ginger.
Chuuya keeps thinking about the boy in the bathroom all night. He was insanely attractive, but he clearly wasn’t into Chuuya. Chuuya sighs before the pink haired girl, Yuan, who he’s just made friends with, points out another guy she thinks is hot. The two very much do not have the same type, but Chuuya looks anyways and his jaw drops. The same brown hair and the same brown eyes, but now his shirt had the first two buttons undone and was slightly more see-through. God, Chuuya’s done for. He is even more done for when the brunet catches him staring and smirks, wading through the crowd to reach him.
“Found you.”
Chuuya’s eyes widened. He was looking for him? The stranger looks him up and down, a light smirk still plastered on.
“You wanna step out for a bit?”
Chuuya’s breath hitches. “I don’t even know your name.”
”Dazai Osamu.”
”I’m Chuuya Nakahara.”
The brunet, Dazai, raises an eyebrow and tilts his head, smile widening. Chuuya nods, and Dazai pulls him out. Holy fucking shit. Dazai’s shirt is still kind of wet, and this close, Chuuya can see the bandages on his arms reaching down his chest as well.
Chuuya opens his mouth to say something -but Dazai never finds out what. He kisses the redhead, and is incredibly surprised at how natural it feels. Fuck, theres no way I’m straight. The kiss is soft, insistent, not at all like he thought it would be. He knew Chuuya was single, and could tell from the way the girl he was chatting with pointed people out for him. He also knew he was into men that way. When he pulls away, he sees the pink haired girl Chuuya was next to earlier about to walk out, and quickly steps back. He sees his own friends waving him down. He walks back in and makes sure to kiss a girl when he knows the redhead can see him. He asks a guy to hit on him just to turn him down and tell him he was straight within earshot of Chuuya. When Dazai catches sight of the look of utter outrage, he drowns the memory away with cheap whiskey.
He needs to get a fucking grip.
Chuuya couldn’t believe that asshole. It wasn’t like it was his first kiss or whatever, but what the fuck was wrong with Dazai? Who the fuck kisses a man if they’re not even into men? He could be bi- Chuuya shuts down that train of thought. He told that guy he was straight. Chuuya decides he doesn’t want to be here anymore. When he leaves with Yuan and a gray haired guy she’d apparently become friends with while he was gone, he makes up his mind to turn the other way if he sees Dazai on campus. The only way this wouldn’t work is if they were roommates, and the universe wasn’t that cruel, was it?
Evidently, yes it is.
Chuuya doesn’t know that Dazai is thinking of the same night, in his own bed. He’s also coming up with a plan, one that solves all three of his current major problems. He sighs and turns over. If he can’t get Chuuya to budge after he says no the first time- which he will-, then it’s all over. He’ll do it, though. He has no other choice anymore.