Chapter Text
He was twelve, and big hands rested on his shoulders, rubbing into them with abrasive thumbs. He wanted to believe he was strong, but his child frame was unsteady, and small. Painfully, obviously small when he was next to his father. He felt as though his father could pick him up and crush him there in his hands. There was a point as a child that he felt his skin crawl to be near him. His golden eyes burned through him, and even though he wanted his fathers love so bad, his touch felt sickening, innately wrong. Those hands were on him, and as he moved flashes of red fabric clouded his vision. He felt his throat tighten as one hand rubbed down from his shoulder to his collar, the other steadying him. His fingers brushed under, colliding with skin and making him wish he could vomit, could do anything. Time was imaginary, and it all moved too fast, his mind agonizingly slow. He couldn’t keep up, roving hands were everywhere, and he couldn’t sense anything but his father’s piercing eyes, his looming figure, the way he leaned over him, the sound of his voice, the feel of his breath. Nothing could push the thoughts from the moment, from being there. He felt disgust, and fear, and pain and it was welling up in him, willing himself to kick and yell but he couldn’t move, and nothing came out.
—
Sokka wasn’t deeply asleep, but he was tired enough that he ought to have been. He had stoked the fire until everyone was asleep, opting to watch them for a moment. It mattered to him that they were okay. It meant he could provide, be a leader. Katara was soundly bundled, and Aang was… sprawled out weird. Toph was in her rock tent thing, and Zuko was turned away from everyone. That had been his habit, sleeping the farthest. Katara insisted on it at first, but even after they made up, he stayed away. He probably liked being alone, he was pretty used to it after all. Sokka wondered if he did that when he traveled with his uncle. He didn’t know him really, but he seemed to care a lot about his nephew. He was right that there was good in Zuko, but, now that he was ‘good’, he didn’t really know what would come next. He was teaching Aang firebending, and that was good, so, they were all good, right? Maybe he overthought it.
He was drifting when he heard a rustle. He ignored it, maybe someone had to pee. He heard… heavy breathing? Maybe someone REALLY had to pee. He heard crying. That wasn’t normal. Urging himself up, he looked around, first at his sister, the most likely culprit, and then at Aang. He knew Aang had nightmares sometimes, and he knew Katara would too, especially about their mom… but they were both dry eyed. Toph didn’t seem like much of a possibility but he leaned her way regardless, and realized it was the wrong direction. Was Zuko crying? He supposed it was stupid, because everyone cries, but he never considered Zuko could cry, and especially from a dream. Then again, he didn’t know a lot of things about Zuko, and he felt a pang of guilt, even though they only stopped being mortal enemies pretty recently.
Tentatively, he took quiet steps toward the sleeping prince, taking in his body language. He was curled into himself, and he looked… scared. The only sound was his pained and shaky breathing, the one that woke him from his drowsiness. He had a fair share of experience with people’s nightmares. He never really talked to Katara about it, but she used to wake up crying a lot, and come stumbling to him for comfort. So, out of habit, when he heard her cry he would crawl over, pulling his little sister close so she could feel warm, and safe. She’d fall asleep like that, and he felt needed, and strong, even if it was selfish. But this wasn’t his sister.
He reached a hesitant hand out, and the closer he got, the more he could tell the boy was shaking. When he touched his arm, he pulled away fast, panicked.
To Sokka’s concern and horror, it seemed to exacerbate it, until he finally cried out. “Let go of me! Get off, get off, get off,” he ultimately yelled. His voice was raw, and scared, and as his words trailed away into a repeating mantra of a whisper, he still didn’t wake up.
“Zuko,” he tried, quietly but firmly. “Zuko, wake up.” He bit the bullet and started nudging his shoulder firmly until he shot up with a sharp intake, making Sokka jump back in surprise.
He was silent, except for his ragged breathing. He eyed Sokka dangerously, but he could tell it wasn’t anger, it was something else. Something worse. His body was tense, and his fists balled. He looked ready to fight, except his tear stained face.
“Zuko. Are you… okay?” He whispered, remembering that everyone else was still asleep, though he looked back to check too.
“Sokka? I’m fine. What are you doing over here?” His voice was flat, but crackled a bit, and it bit at Sokka.
He considered making up an excuse, but the firebender usually saw through them anyway. “I, well you were crying in your sleep so I came to make sure you were-“
“Thank you. But I’m fine.”
He paused after that. He didn’t feel like that dry of an answer was real. It may as well have been rehearsed and well, it made him wonder why Zuko wasn’t surprised. Or hardly fazed at all by any of it, except Sokka of course. That was the variable, he surmised.
“Right. That’s good,” he looked out, to the open air of the temple. He contemplated a million things in his head, and hoped that wasn’t obvious. So he just sat down, still facing out. He could feel the prince watch him sit, but he didn’t tell him to go away, so, maybe this was the right thing to do.
He took a moment to speak. “It’s okay, you can go back to bed.” That still wasn’t ‘go away’, right?
“Yeah, I know. But, I’m awake now for a little bit.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. Did you… want me to go?” Silence. He didn’t quite know what most of his silences meant. From what he gathered, Zuko just didn’t want to answer. Maybe he felt bad telling him to leave? Maybe he felt bad not telling him to leave. “It’s okay to be scared. Even I get scared.” He heard the slightest chortle at that, and despite his ego, he was glad the boy felt a little humor. Or anything at all, really. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Why?”
Was he dumb? Maybe. “You’re a member of the team. You’re my friend. That’s what friends do. Katara gets nightmares too, but uh, don’t tell her I told you. And… I take care of her.”
“That’s your sister.”
“You’re missing my point,” He turned, facing the prince and it startled him a bit that he was sitting with him, just a bit behind his vision. He didn’t imagine him so close but, maybe that was a good thing. “The point is I care about her, and I care about my friends.” He paused, hoping he didn’t have to elaborate more, but he still looked unsure. “I… care about you.”
He hoped it sounded as nonchalant as he wanted it to. Surely he wouldn’t take it weird. Instead, Zuko just looked down, still holding his knees upright. He really did look small when he was scared. It concerned Sokka a bit to see someone so dangerous so… vulnerable.
“You’re a good friend.” Was his response, and, Sokka felt proud for that one. He earned it, he figured, especially out of someone so closed off.
He didn’t know what overtook him, but, he figured maybe the boy needed a hug. He opened his arms silently as an offer, only to find himself rejected, as Zuko only sat there and stared at him, unmoving. It definitely stung that he didn’t take the offer, but he wasn’t exactly a touchy person to his knowledge. In fact, he hadn’t seen him touch anyone he didn’t have to. But, he wasn’t entirely rejected, as he watched Zuko scoot to sit closer. That was something, right?
He looked back out, both of them watching the night sky again. “Can I ask what your dream was about?”
“Um,” he started, discomfort evident.
Sokka backtracked. “Actually, you know what, it’s none of my business,” he gesticulated with emphasis, crossing his arms into an ‘x’ as if telling himself more than Zuko that he would stop asking.
Zuko however, did elaborate. “It’s fine, really,” He paused, and Sokka wondered if that was the end of it. “It was about my father. Facing him.” He only half lied.
“Oh,” Sokka paused. That made sense. “I’m sorry. I… your dad was a horrible person, and, I’m sorry you have to deal with the consequences.”
His response was much more empathetic and sincere than he though he had in him for the night, and he turned a little to see him better. Zuko sighed, and it seemed like a little weight was exhaled with it.
“Thank you, Sokka.” He never imagined that he could feel Zuko’s genuine feelings over his stuffy lack of expression but, this time he did, and he wasn’t going to comment on it. “You should sleep.”
“So should you. Go ahead, I’m gonna stay up a bit.” He was being a little silly, he’d admit. He was very tired, and the idea of staying up longer wasn’t appealing at all, but maybe it would make Zuko sleep easier. He wondered if that was thinking far too highly of himself but, who doesn’t feel safer with someone watching? Not that he would watch him sleep or anything, he wasn’t weird. He heard him get back to bed, and after a short while, his breathing was soundly asleep. Sokka got up, stretching, sighing as he did. He made his way back to his blankets and to be honest, he slept light that night. Just in case.