Chapter Text
„Did you hear me, Papà?“ Asked Carina, her voice shaky with the tears and fear.
„I did. I just choose to ignore this nonsense.“ He said. His voice was calm because he didn’t get angry yet. Like he said, he just brushed over what Carina said and instead focused on the table that needed to be set.
„It’s not nonsense. I’ve thought this through and--„
„Oh, did you now?“ He sharply turned to face her, his calm instantly disappearing. „Did you think about what you’re going to do now? Where you’re going to live? Who’s going to be there for you?“
„What are you--„
„You’re not dropping out and that’s the last of it. You’ll be a doctor… just like me.“
„I’d rather die than to be like you.“ She mumbled but he still heard her and in a blink of an eye, the plate that he was holding was now flying next to her head, barely missing her, and shattering against the wall behind her.
„Stop being an unreasonable bitch and go get ready for the dinner…“ He yelled with his loud, piercing voice that brought even more tears to her eyes. She didn’t want to listen to him anymore, but she wanted to get away from him, so she made her way to her bedroom.
„And when you’re done, come back here and clean this mess. I don’t want any injuries when everyone gets here.“ He said, back to his calm voice, not caring about his daughter on the verge of a breakdown. He just went back to setting the table, and sipping on his wine, while Carina stumbled into her room.
It wasn’t the first time she’s seen a flying dish in that house. But it was the first time that it had flown so close to her. She was so scared.
It had happened so fast that she couldn’t even move away. It was only by pure luck that the plate didn’t hit her… but would she be so lucky the next time? Because of the way things were going and the ways she wanted to take her life from now on, she knew that it would not be the last time.
The thought of that was stressing her out. She was stressed out already. She didn’t sleep through the exams, only focusing on studying, which paid off as she aced all of them. Now she just wanted to sleep.
She wanted to sleep and feel safe and at peace and that past year, she didn’t have either. Maybe a few glimpses of it when Gabriella was there for her. The only person at the time who actually gave a dam and wouldn’t just let her suffer.
Carina had already made the decision. She submitted the paperwork at the school, signed the lease for a shared apartment in Rome with Gabriella, and got a job at one of the bars in the area. Now she just had to tell her Papà. But first, she needed to recharge a little.
She had a few puffs of the last joint she had, tried to make herself comfortable in her bed despite how uncomfortable the bed had become for her, and closed her eyes. She was drifting off to sleep, getting just a hint of what she could have if her Papà stopped ruining everything for her.
„Carina!“ She heard faintly on the other side of the locked door, together with loud pounds of fist against the wood. She was scared, but her eyelids became too heavy to open.
„Open up!“ Sounded again, this time clearer and closer.
„Ma’am, wake up.“ She finally opened her eyes and quickly shut them again as the sharp light hit her in the face. She rolled down the window and asked the officer to put the light away.
„Sorry. I just wanted to ask if you were okay ’cause you’re not supposed to park here.“ He asked, professionally but still with concern about her, which made her lower the guard she usually would have against his kind.
„I’m sorry, but I was driving and I started to feel drowsy so I pulled over to keep safe.“
„Well, that was a good decision. But still, would you mind taking a Breathalyzer test?“ He started to reach for the device in one of his pockets and that was when Carina noticed how shaky his hands were. „I mean… I just want to make sure… that you are okay and that you didn’t drive under the influence.“
„It’s okay, officer.“ She said with a warm smile and got out of the car. She took the test, which revealed she had no alcohol in her, not to her surprise because she didn’t drink anything but the cop looked relieved.
He was very young, Carina guessed 21 or 22, and with that amount of nervousness, he was most likely new at the job and glad he didn’t have to deal with a DUI at 4 am. He filed the results, put the tester back in his pocket, and smiled with a toothy glad smile at her.
„Well, if that’s all then I should get back home.“ Said Carina.
„Wait, do you drink coffee?“ He said, earning a confused look from Carina. „I mean… I’m not asking you for any inappropriate reason. But there’s a diner open a couple streets away and I’d feel more safe if you had something to wake you up before driving again.“
„Yeah, that’s probably for the best.“ She said, not thrilled to drink a cheap diner coffee but she was still tired and it would be better than nothing. „Where is it, exactly?“
He gave her the directions and after she thanked him, they both made their way to their cars.
„Officer?“ She calls after him, just before he gets in his car. „Don’t worry, you’re doing great. Just breathe and don’t stress too much.“ He didn’t have anything to say. He just got in his car, in shock at how this stranger was able to see right through him. He probably wasn’t the best at hiding his jitters and he was struggling to keep a steady breath after that nice gesture.
He sat in his car, next to his partner who was closely monitoring the situation from afar, letting the kid deal with it alone, but being there if he needed it. Together they kept on patrolling, while Carina watched the police car drive away.
She took a last breath of the fresh cool air and got in her car in pursuit of a much-needed coffee. She pulled over next to the lonely truck and went inside to be met with a nicer environment than she expected.
She sat on the stool, looking around at the empty restaurant, waiting for the server to show up.
„Good morning.“ Said the server as soon as she opened the door to the kitchen, the biggest smile on her face.
„I wouldn’t say morning, but… sure.“ Carina said a little grumpy, but still with a polite smile, propping her head up by her hand.
„I was gonna ask what could I get you but now I know.“ She said and turned to the coffee machines and poured a full cup, setting it in front of Carina who, despite barely functioning without her required dose of caffeine, just stared at the cup, lost in thought.
„Do you, by any chance have cheesecake?“ She hasn’t been to a diner since that night with Maya, nor had a cheesecake. She wasn’t really feeling like having one but there was something about the atmosphere and her mood that made her order it.
As the piece of cake sat in front of her, she was thinking about her ex. A person she dated in high school. She didn’t remember her name because she hadn’t thought of her in ages. But suddenly, she remembered that night they had an explosive argument and broke up after two weeks of dating.
She hid in her bedroom and cried. All weekend, all day straight. She was destroyed. She was looking back at the little girl, so affected by a high school crush, and wondered how could she have been so dramatic over basically nothing.
That little girl had no idea… She was healthy, and had her Mamma and little brother at home, concerned about her… despite the tears, she was happy… She had no idea.
Now she was sitting in a diner alone, eating a stale but tastewise good cheesecake, and she wasn’t crying. She did before, during the fight, but then the tears went away.
She cried because she was scared when Maya threw the glass, but she didn’t cry over the break-up. She was sad, but... mostly relieved. She felt awful about it. She would cry for days for someone whose name she didn’t even remember but she wouldn’t cry for Maya? Who was she?...
A grown woman, that’s who she was. A grown woman who recognized that Lane was a dangerous individual and her relationship with Maya would end sooner or later. And from where she was sitting, she just dodged a bullet.
It was Ciel’s injury. It was the confrontation with Andrea. It was the constant threat of her Papà just hanging around the city she lived in. It was the cold blue eyes that were piercing through her head. It wasn’t the break-up itself that made her go for an unplanned road trip but the piled stress that she needed a break from.
She continued to mindlessly nibble at the cheesecake until the plate was empty. She finished the last drops of the coffee. As much as she wished it was her espresso, it was fairly decent coffee and it fulfilled its purpose.
So when she got up after paying, she thanked the waitress and left a generous tip like she always did. She stopped for a few minutes outside the restaurant to have a cigarette, then she got in her car and made her way back to Seattle.
After two hours of driving and another hour of waiting in the traffic jam, she was cursing herself for forgetting about the rush hour and driving straight into it, getting herself trapped among hundreds of cars, unable to escape.
She was getting angry at herself but before she actually would, she rolled down her window and had another few cigarettes while listening to her music, letting the bad stuff in and out again, together with everything else.
She lost track of time, otherwise she would lose her mind over the slow progression, but she was brought back when her phone rang, Douglas, her property manager back in L.A. calling at an unusually early time for a business talk.
„I’m not waking you, am I?“ He asked carefully, knowing she was not a morning person.
„Lucky for you, no. What’s up?“
„I have bad news and great news. The bad news is that some stupid college kids had a party near your restaurant and they had fireworks which did some damage to the side of the building. But they were arrested and the insurance should cover it so don’t worry about that.“
„Okay, that’s good but it’s none of my concern, is it? I mean, I still don’t own the property so it goes behind the current owners, right?“
„That’s the great news. And the reason I’m calling you so early, I wanted to tell you as soon as possible. Anyway, the current owners informed me that there was a change in their situation and they are willing to make the sale now.“
Carina went silent, until Douglas cleared his throat, confused at the reaction. „I’m sorry. I--„ She started, unsure of what to say. „It’s just… the timing is very convenient. “
They talked for a few minutes about what the next steps would be and Carina left the call with letting him hold on to the action until she wasn’t in her car in the middle of Seattle.
Finally, she got back home, only to find Mason drowsily walking towards the kitchen, with Jeff walking past him and running into Carina.
„Did-- did you just get back?“ He asked her.
„I did. I’m glad you’d notice if I was kidnapped or something. It makes me feel really safe.“ She said, picking Jeff up, giving her a good cuddle, and walking to the kitchen with Mason on her heel.
„In my defense, I had a… very… taxing conversation yesterday.“
„How did that go?“ She asked him and started preparing the espresso she had been craving for so long, feeling incredible relief when she found out she had only coffee enough to make one cup.
„Uhm-- for the subject… we were discussing… it was awful… at first. I felt awful, I almost cried, and… had a meltdown but… I was able to get through it unharmed. It kinda freaked her out, though…“ He said, sadly looking into the glass of orange juice he poured himself.
„Who, Marin?“
„No, Sylvie… Marin was great. She was… calm, and reasonable… and she didn’t push me into anything. She… basically said that she leaves the decision to me and if I decide … not to be in Sylvie’s life, she will respect it… Did you know about this?“
„I did but only for a couple of days and I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t my secret to tell.“ She said as she set the fresh cup of coffee in front of him. Despite wanting it so much, she figured Mace needed it more than her.
„I guess…“ He said and took a sip, enjoying the drink, while Carina looked at him with a mix of satisfaction and envy. „But can you now tell me what I should do about this… situation?“
She chuckled, picking up a very clingy Jeff again. „I can, but I think you know damn well what you should do. But if it makes you feel better, no one expects you to take on half of the custody. Get to know them first, take them to the park… you know, baby steps. If you want to be involved that is.“
He took her words in, knowing what he wanted to do. His father never really cared about him. Not in a way that Mason wanted… or needed. A long time ago, he decided that if he ever had a child, he would do everything to not be like him. But having an imaginary child is easy.
Having a real one, however… that’s scary. He was scared that he couldn’t handle the pressure and that he would do something wrong. He was scared of what would happen if his father found out. But worst of all, he was scared he would be like him.
He knew damn well what not to do. But he had no idea what to do…
„I guess I could take them to a park… Marin told me they go to some park near their house, I could join them sometimes… I could teach Sylvie how to draw… Do 10-month-olds even draw? Can they hold a pen… or a crayon?“
„Uhm… no, not really. But most babies are ready at about a year, I think.“
„I see… Well, I think I will be calling her later today, then. See what we… come up with together.“ He said, determined to be the best man he could be and Carina was looking at him, immensely proud. „But enough about me. Where were you? At Maya’s again?“
„That’s where I went, yeah. But… we had a pretty bad fight, so…“
„How bad?“ He asked, already full of concern for his friend.
„So bad we broke up.“ She said calmly. Mason looked at her, looking for some emotion - hurt, disappointment, or at least anger - but nothing but peace.
„Okay… How are you doing… with that?“ He asked, confused at the lack of reaction.
„Well, the fight was… not good. That messed me up a little bit but… you know. You said it yourself, she’s under the control of a… not good man and I’m glad I’m staying away from that.“
„Okay, but where did you go after that?“
„I was just driving around.“ She said as if it was the most normal thing to do.
„For, what? Almost an entire day? Where the hell did you go?“ He must have thought that she was crazy, but if he did, he didn’t let it show.
She did feel crazy for just going across the state out of nowhere but the stress, the bad kind of stress, that made her do it. And luckily it helped. For the first time in weeks, she felt like her head was truly clear and she knew exactly what to do now.
„Well, I stayed in Seattle for a while, driving around places I haven’t gone before, but then I just drove wherever my heart took me and somehow I ended up at Ruby Beach.“ It was probably not an accident that she ended up at the most beautiful beach in the state.
While it was not the same kind as the one she dreamt about, it was still a beach. The roaring of the waves rang close enough to home to give her the peace she needed. The wind was loud enough to cover all the screaming and crying she was reminded of.
And as she walked around the forests surrounding the beach, and then when she was sitting down on a cold boulder watching the bright red sun going down among the rocks, she smiled, lost in the familiar beauty.
She was sitting down, surrounded by silence, when out of nowhere, a boy came out running around, laughing and kicking the shallow water at the shore. He was about 8 years old with bright blue eyes, curly dark hair, and a radiant innocent smile.
He was frolicking in the water, not a worry in the world, when suddenly he braced himself as an older girl ran after him, trying to throw him in the water. They fought, splashing each other or throwing sand, trying to win over the other. But not once did their fight feel malicious.
At the moment, they were the luckiest kids in the world. And even more when their Mamma joined them and the two siblings ganged up on her, almost winning when their Papà came to her help. They all still ended up completely soaked, but it was fine.
They wrapped themselves in their towels and when it got a little colder, they all cuddled up under one blanket and watched the sunset. Cold, tired, completely covered by sand but together. Happy.
Carina had bad memories, and those were really bad. Traumatizing. But it wasn’t all bad. She had memories from when she was younger, like this one, when her family was the luckiest one on earth. But those were slowly fading away, overthrown by the more recent ones.
„Well, I’m glad you’re okay.“ Said Mason. „But next time you go to Ruby Beach, I want to go with you.“
„Noted. It’s beautiful, right?“
„Yeah. I’ve never been there, but some of the pictures look unreal. I bet that I would get so much inspiration there. I can see myself sitting by the beach, drawing in my sketchbook, failing to capture the beauty of the place.“
„You wouldn’t fail, trust me. Speaking of… the exhibit is in two weeks, right?“
„17 days, 8 hours, 24 minutes. You’re going, right?“
„That’s the plan. I’ll most likely make it work.“
„What are you talking about?“ Carina was hesitant to answer because she didn’t want to ruin his joy. She wanted to tell him but the few seconds of hesitation made way for her phone to go off again. She excused herself and went to her office and got lost in her work.
She finished hours later and when she went out she was met with a few food delivery boxes and a bag of coffee beans from her favorite brand. The two friends ate lunch together and after she thanked him for his care, which he just waved off as nothing compared to what she does to him, she shared her plans with him, now more confident as she had a more clear vision.
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Maya hated it when things didn’t go according to plans. And she hated even more when her plans got ruined by other people, by no fault of her own.
As she was walking around the house, looking for her mother, she was getting more and more anxious because she had to be at court soon and she didn’t have much time left to look for someone who obviously didn’t even care her husband was falsely imprisoned.
After trying to call her for the 20th time, she gave up and went to the courthouse alone. She was there half an hour earlier, which was thirty minutes later than she had initially wanted, but once there, she was glad because once again, the time seemed to slow down for her.
The hallway was filled with people. People that Maya had never seen before nor would she see them again. The space was big but with so many people around, Maya felt the walls getting closer and closer to each other. She wanted to run again, or at least walk, but the occupation of the space made it impossible.
So she did the next best thing. She closed her eyes and went on a run in her head. She didn’t know how long it was but eventually, Harlan made her snap out of her safe space.
„Sorry, I’m just nervous.“ She said shyly as the two of them started walking towards the courtroom.
„No need for that. This is just an initial appearance, not much that can be done here, it‘s mostly for the formal read of the charges. The trial will be worse, if it gets to that and at least after this, he’ll most likely be allowed to go out on bail.“
Despite his cool demeanor and reassuring smile, Maya didn’t feel any better. On the contrary, with each step she took further in the room, the more she realized it was real. She was sitting on the bench, right behind Harlan and her father, who was brought in still in handcuffs but in a suit Maya brought him from home.
„Where’s your mother?“ He asked as soon as the guards stepped away.
„I don’t know. She wasn’t home and she hadn’t picked up her phone in days. I’m a little worried--„
„Screw that.“ He said sharply but quietly. „I’ll deal with her when I get back home.“
He looked calm, tense, and a little scared. He would have fooled anyone. But not Maya. She knew when her father was pretending to others and she knew he was doing it now. She understood perfectly, she was angry too but playing it nice to keep appearances.
It wasn’t long. Harlan didn’t even get space to talk. It was completely different than Maya thought and she was getting angry about her inability to do anything.
But when she heard the judge setting the bail at $ 5,000, the lowest possible in the situation, she was relieved. Her father couldn’t leave town, contact Mason, or come near his or Carina’s apartments, but he also set a preliminary hearing for three weeks from now.
„So what, we’re going to trial?“ She asked Harlan after the judge dismissed the hearing. He turned around to look at her, again with the reassuring smile, while her father remained emotionless.
„No, that hearing will determine if we go to court. Which, with the small charges and my defense, we’ll most likely not.“ He started gathering his things while guards came to take Lane back to the holding cell.
„For now, all you need to do is to pay the bail…“ He said to Maya and turned towards Lane „… and you need to abide by the judge’s conditions. No traveling or contact with your son.“
Lane was not thrilled. He had a piece of his mind for his son, but he had to agree. He was led away by the guards while Maya paid the bail and after long, exhausting paperwork, he was able to go home.
Maya drove in silence, slower than she normally would, feeling the pressure of her father’s watchful eyes. Finally, after days of being in a holding cell, he stepped into his house, momentarily greeted by the familiarity.
He was fully expecting Katherine to be there, despite Maya telling him she was gone. He didn’t believe her when she said that. He couldn’t imagine his quiet and obedient wife wouldn’t be waiting for his return. He understood why she didn’t go to the court, she was too weak to deal with something like that, but not to be counting the seconds till he came home?
He was angry at that alone. He got even angrier after she failed to answer his 5 calls, but when he walked around the house and found out that most of her personal stuff was missing, which Maya hadn’t noticed before, he was livid.
While he was angrily walking around the living room, trying to reach anyone who could tell him anything about his wife, Maya sat on the corner of the bed, frozen in disbelief, staring at the half-empty closet.
She was fighting, stressing, and crying about her father and her mother, and all this while, she’s been packing to leave him? Maya was angry at her before, but now… She couldn’t imagine ever talking to her again.
She sat there until her father somewhat calmed down. Or at least stopped lashing out and started planning. Now it was not only his son, but also his wife he needed to take care of. He started going over different things in his head, silent and deadly, slightly scaring Maya.
„I think you should go. It’s been a long few days and you need to rest. Okay, sweetheart?“ He said and she reluctantly agreed despite not wanting to leave him alone, but she obeyed him. He kissed her on the forehead, which helped reassure her, and she left.
And while Lane was plotting, Maya was thinking about the other half of her family.
‚They’re so ungrateful.‘ Sounded through her head. ‚I’ve been great to them and now they won’t even pick up their phones?‘
That’s when it hit Maya. She recalled that one time, which she wasn’t particularly proud of, when she went snooping online and found Mason’s contact info. That phone number was different than the one she had saved on her phone, which would explain why he’d never answer when she tried to reach him.
She got in her car, found the number and called, hoping he wouldn’t recognize that number. And although the bigger part of her wouldn’t admit it, a little part of her was still hoping that he would pick up even if he knew it was her. The small part of her that wasn’t angry at him and only wanted to reconcile.
She put the phone against her ear, listening to her heartbeat she was somehow able to hear, stressing about the seemingly endless rings as she waited.
„I’m sorry it took me so long to pick up.“ She heard his voice at the other end after the excruciatingly long wait. „I was… busy. And I was deciding whether or not to talk to you.“ Turns out he did recognize her number.
He hadn’t had it saved on his phone, because the old one was a piece of crap, and everything on it was lost when it stopped working. But he remembered the number. He was not the best with numbers, but he remembered them when he needed to.
He remembered the number of the paint he used the most, and he remembered the number he used to see on his phone the most. There were times when the number would light up on his screen at least once a day. It stopped over time, but he never forgot.
„What made you talk to me, then?“
„Well, I was a little curious about what happened to Lane. Is he in prison yet?“ He said with a hopeful tone of voice, which disgusted Maya.
„Luckily not. He’s out on bail and the lawyer assured me he will stay out. I guess your plot didn’t work, huh?“
„Oh my god, Maya. I’m sorry, but you need help. My plot? What the fu-- what do you mean? He brought this to himself. Oh, whatever. I don’t want to talk about this. Is that the only reason you called me?“ He said. Maya paused from hearing him say she needed help. Like, she’s not the addict here. But in the moment of silence, she heard the background noise on the phone.
It sounded like a bunch of kids, talking and shouting, and also dog barking. „Where are you? Didn’t you say you were busy?“
„People can be busy outside, Maya. I don’t see--„
„Yeah, but around kids?“
„I’m this close to hanging up so you better tell me why you called.“
„I wanted to ask you about mom. Did you talk to her recently?“ He went silent. She was able to hear the dog again and she was sure it was Jeff.
„I did. But I’m not telling you where she is.“
„So you know she packed her things and disappeared. And you just let her?“
„She’s a grown-up woman. I can’t let her do anything, it was her decision.“
„A wrong decision. I mean, she dips on her husband while he’s in jail? Who does that?“
„A woman who’s been in an abusive marriage for over 30 years. Maya, I don’t have the time or energy to do this. I told you multiple times you need help but you also need to stop bringing me into this. Both of you. I just want my peace, okay? No more surprise phone calls, no more breaking in, nothing! So you better accept that, and that mom is gone, and move on.“
He hung up, very unceremoniously, not even giving her a chance to reply. She took a deep breath and waited a minute before calling back, but this time, the call didn’t even go through.
When Mason hung up, he felt a pang of pain, but as soon as he turned around and saw Sylvie laughing in the swing as Marin was pushing her back and forth, he knew he made the right decision. He would never do anything to threaten his daughter.
He was a father for a little over a day, but he instantly felt this very protective feeling over her, even if he was scared. And after this conversation, he finally knew what to do. He took one last look at the number and with a press of a few buttons, he blocked it.
He went back to Marin and Sylvie who smiled even brighter when she saw him, and even brighter again when she saw Jeff and together, they all spent the rest of the afternoon together, like the newly found, happy little family they were.
Maya, on the other hand, was devastated at the realization. She pressed the phone until her knuckles went white but eventually, she accepted it. Not fully, there was still that little annoying part of her that wouldn’t shut up.
And she wanted it to shut up and she knew the best way how. She quickly stopped at home to change to something more comfortable, she chose jeans and her favorite flannel shirt and called an Uber. On the way to Joe’s, she texted Andrew if he wanted to meet for a drink.
She could have texted any of her other friends. Anyone from the station. She would bet they were more likely to be willing to drink with her, but they all also knew about her and Carina and she would much prefer the company of someone who wouldn’t ask about her.
When she walked in, he was already at the bar, slouching over a glass of soda.
„Oh, hell no.“ She said and took the seat next to him. „Two tequilas and keep them coming.“ She said to the bartender, turning to face Andrew with a smile but he would just smile a tired smile, not being too enthused to have a wild night.
„Did someone die?“ She asked him recklessly, not realizing that with his job, it was more than likely and nothing to joke about.
„Luckily not. I just had a really heated discussion with my dad and--„
„Oh, hell no again. I’ve had my fair share of arguments and fathers. I’m ready to move on.“ She said and downed her shot, waiting for Andrew to do the same with his. But he just kept smiling uncomfortably, sticking with his soda.
„I think I need to stay sober tonight. But thank you.“
„Why did you come here then?“
„Well, after… the thing I’m not supposed to talk about, I didn’t have anywhere to go so I was on my way to the hospital to do some research but then you texted and I thought we were friends--„
„We are.“ She interrupted him sharply and went on to down the shot that was meant for him.
„Are we? Because now I feel more like your drinking buddy.“ He said as the bartender put another two shots in front of them. Maya stared at hers, suddenly feeling somewhat guilty.
„Okay. Go ahead. Spill your aching heart.“ She said and downed the shot.
„Yesterday, Carina told me something about our father and it led to me confronting him about it. He dismissed everything she said… he said that it was her fault and he just tried to do the best but… it… shook my entire world.
And now… I don’t know what to think about him. He- He’s always been my hero. He helped me through med school… he was the reason I became a doctor… I thought he was the best man ever but… what he did, that’s… unforgettable.“
„Well, I wouldn’t know what that feels like.“ She said and downed another shot.
„I didn’t… think that.“ Andrew said, confused about the answer out of the left field. „Didn’t Carina tell you anything?“
„About your father? Of course not. She sure did tell me a lot about mine.“ She said and downed yet another shot. „I don’t know what’s wrong with people. I mean, family is the most important thing, don’t you know that? So what if we make mistakes? If your family won’t back you up, who will?“
„This wasn’t a mistake. It was… actually one of the most fucked up things anyone could do to a person. Especially your daughter, like--„
„Okay. It’s really hard for me to make judgment if I don’t know what the thing was so would you stop talking in riddles and just say it.“
„I can’t just say it.“
„Ugh, barkeep! Another round! You’re just like her, aren’t you? You will moralize others but when it comes to you, nothing.“ She said and downed another shot. That was the fifth in a row and Andrew just stared at the person he thought he knew. But now she looked like a complete stranger.
„I can’t just say it because it’s about Carina and I’m sure she wouldn’t appreciate me telling other people. Not even her girlfriend, but that--„
„I’m not her girlfriend anymore.“ Maya said drily, taking another shot.
„Well, that’s even more of a reason not to tell me. She--„
„Is that all the counseling you’re going to offer me? After I told you about my nasty bleak-up?“ She was feeling the alcohol, her tongue already twisting.
„Hey, man. Can you stop with the shots and bring us a strong coffee? Thanks.“ Andrew said to the bartender and slipped him a 20 to make sure he wouldn’t bring any more shots.
„Is that what I’ve been doing? Making everything about me? Oh god, that’s awful. I’m an awful person.“ Maya just looked at him dismissively and even more so at the coffee set in front of her.
„Oh no, you’re not.“
„You know, I just realized, you don’t know me that well. And I don’t know you. And the way you’re acting right now, I don’t think I want to.“
„Yeah, sure. Go ahead. You kick me too, why don’t you? Must run in your family, you just nag and nag until you push everyone away.“
„You’re the one pushing away… You know, you were one of my heroes too. I was so grateful we became friends. I had no one here and you were easy to vent to, but it was just empty words. And say whatever you want about me but don’t you dare to say a bad word about Carina. She deserves better.“
„Better than me?“ She asked him coldly, looking in his eyes, daring him to say it.
„Yeah. And better than me. I’m kinda over this, so…“ He got off the chair already decided to leave, but seeing the hateful look, he was even more eager to get the hell out of there.
„I have this faint memory of some guy… I met him once and he barely looked at me but he had the same angry look as you right now. He was really scary and I’m glad I never met him again. And I really hate to feel the same way about you now. I guess it’s true when they say never meet your heroes.“
He found it weird he so suddenly remembered when he hadn’t thought about that day in years. He guessed it was the resemblance Maya had to that guy or the fact that since Carina told him what happened to her, he’d been going over all of his memories with his family, looking for red flags, questioning everything he had known about his family.
He left Maya behind with his heavy hand hanging, not looking back.
Maya looked though. She looked as the one person she felt she had left walked away too.
But she wasn’t going to feel sorry for herself. She was too good for that. ‚Eyes forward.‘ She drank the coffee, sip by sip, untangling her affected brain. She felt much better after finishing it. She looked in front of her, looking into the reflection in the mirror behind the bar, and saw a familiar face walk in.
She noticed her too, excused herself to the people she came in with, and came up to Maya.
„Captain Bishop. I didn’t expect to run into you here.“ She said, leaning against the bar, revealing her deep cleavage, which Maya couldn’t help but notice and feel intrigued.
„I could say the same to you, Detective Jenkins. What brings you here?“
„It’s a long story, I don’t want to bother you.“ She said, batting her long eyelashes at Maya. A skilled move she used a million times and that had never failed her, not even now.
„You could never. How about I buy you a drink and you tell me your story?“ The officer eagerly accepted and asked for scotch on rocks. Maya ordered two and with one of them in her hand, twisting the ice around the glass, she listened to the woman talk.
„See that tall skinny guy in glasses? He’s the brother of one of my colleagues and it’s his birthday. And he works at the hospital across the street and he invited us here.“ She said with a cheeky smile and took a sip of her drink, not taking her eyes off Maya.
„Liar. That wasn’t that long.“ Maya said, her confidence growing under the woman’s gaze.
„But it worked for me, didn’t it.“ She said and put her hand on Maya’s, caressing her up and down her forearm. „I was worried I crossed a line the last time we met. And I’m still a little worried, I’m still on your father’s case so this... probably isn’t the most appropriate.“
„Well, this…“ Maya said, taking the woman’s scent in as she was subconsciously getting closer and closer. „Is just between us. And I won’t tell if you won’t.“
Maya didn’t understand how she didn’t notice how beautiful this woman was before. Maybe she was too focused on her father’s arrest, maybe she was respectful of Carina, but Carina was no more. And Maya was lonely, drunk but fully aware, and very horny.
„Do you want to have sex?“ She blurted out, catching the other woman off with the bluntness, but she was that more into her.
„You’re a straight shooter, huh? Good, I like it.“ She said and finished her drink.
„Not so straight, but… yeah.“ Maya said, not taking her eyes off the woman’s features, especially the chest she was so plainly displaying for her.
„Did you drive here?“ Maya asked her, to which she simply shook her head. „Me neither. So how about I wait outside and get us an Uber while you go back to your party, pretend to care about any of them, and then fake an emergency work call?“
„I’ll meet you outside.“ As she walked away, Maya hungrily watched her amazing ass before finishing her drink and leaving. She didn’t have to wait long and the woman was next to her in the car, sharing inappropriate touches that the stranger behind the wheel was not thrilled about, but chose to ignore.
The rest of the night went off in a blur. Maya remembered pinning the woman under her, asserting dominance she hadn’t been able to take in bed in a while. It felt incredibly empowering and Maya forgot whether she was drunk on alcohol, or the power.
She woke up at 5 am with a slight headache and the woman sleeping far on the other side of the bed, which Maya was very grateful for because she couldn’t stand to wake up with almost a stranger pressed against her as she had happened in the past.
She got up, took a long cold shower and when she got back to her bedroom, she found the woman wide awake and almost fully dressed again.
„Oh good. I was worried you’d want to stay for breakfast or some shit.“ She said, going into her closet and finding some running clothes for her morning run.
„Please. We both know what this was. No need to waste time on food.“ She finished dressing up and checked herself in the mirror one last time. „But just to make sure, this stays just between us, right? I don’t need any HR people on my ass for what or who I do in my free time.“
„Of course.“ Maya said without missing a beat and went back to her to walk her out.
„Good. Until next time…“ She said and gave Maya one last, very hot, kiss and left her apartment.
Maya left too shortly after for a long run around the neighborhood and when she made it back, she finished the leftover smoothie from yesterday and got to cleaning her apartment.
Every scrub, every wipe, every spray made her feel better and better but when she was vacuuming under the couch, she found something that small and metallic that clung as it went down the vacuum cleaner. She got it out, and when she saw what it was, her good mood went to shit.
She was holding the button in her fingers, staring at it, recalling the first time this happened. The first time she had sex with Carina when she also left a button at Maya’s place. And funnily enough, as Maya realized, it was the same button she was holding now.
A small, cold metal thing that made her fingers and eyes burn. She slid down the wall she was leaning on and let her eyes cool with the tears. However, she didn’t really let them as she couldn’t stop the waterfalls.
She was sitting like that on the floor for a while, feeling sorry for herself, missing Carina and wishing she would give her one of her supportive, reassuring hugs. But then she heard something else that supported her.
‚Don’t be weak. Get over yourself.‘
She stopped the tears, wiping her face in her shirt.
‚Get off your ass right now! It’s beneath you to sit on the floor like that.‘
She stood back on her feet, feeling a couple of feet taller than before.
‚Good. I’m proud of you. Don’t forget, Eyes forward!‘
„Eyes forward.“ Maya said to herself, walked to the kitchen, and threw the button in the trash. Then she took the trash basket and emptied it outside, letting go of whatever there was left of her ex, glad to have moved on.