Chapter Text
When news of Naruto leaving the bar with Sasuke came out, no one was surprised.
No one except Hinata.
“It was finally time” Ino had said with a roll of her eyes and a long-suffering sigh. “They’ve been dancing around each other for… what? Ten years now? Talk about slow…”
“I honestly don’t care” Shikamaru closed his eyes, allowing his head to fall down on top of the table. “Good for them, now let me sleep.”
“It was annoying how much Naruto would pretend as if they were just friends, while Sasuke allowed it” Tenten said with a shrug. “At least this way they won’t annoy us anymore with their unresolved sexual tension.”
Hinata was honestly lost. Had she been so self-absorbed in her one-track crush on Naruto she had failed to see the signs? She felt bad, and not only because the man she had been in love with her whole life was with someone else.
She went home with an empty heart and a confused mind. And in the solitude of her room, with the curtains drawn and only the constant ticking of her wall clock, she allowed a few tears to escape her eyes.
She was so, so stupid.
Sasuke had come to terms with his sexuality a long time ago, at least from high school, much to the horror and disappointment of his many fangirls. It wasn’t exactly widespread that he was into men but… everyone knew, and everyone accepted it, because it was just part of who he was.
Naruto, on the other hand… he had his fair share of girlfriends throughout the years. Hinata didn’t think he was feigning any of his relationships, but as Ino had so clearly told her the night before –when the news first came out– he had a side to him that he never really acknowledged. A side that came out only with Sasuke.
Everyone was happy for them. Relieved, even. Hinata wanted to feel the same, but she was pretty sure it would be impossible, at least for the time being.
So she ignored them. When she saw them coming together to one of their many friend meetings, she would excuse herself to go somewhere else. Hide in the kitchen, take some fresh air, check that her make-up was still in one piece. That sort of thing. What surprised her was that no one seemed to take any issue with her, or suspect her at all. She supposed she had been in love with Naruto for so long, that people never really noticed her feelings towards him in the first place. It was just part of who she was, after all.
It might have been better that way. There was a certain type of embarrassment that came only when your crush got together with someone of the same sex, while you were completely oblivious through it all, that she felt deeply ashamed to feel. Hinata was feeling simultaneously heartbroken and disgusted with herself, and that wasn’t something easy to cope with.
She wondered how long it would take her to get over it, hoping it would be soon. Living like this, feeling like this, was too much to bear.
She just wanted to feel at ease again.
“Ah, Hinata.”
Glancing up from the vegetable aisle in the supermarket, Hinata found a head of pink and bright emerald eyes smiling at her. Sakura was dressed casually, with dark jeans and an old college sweatshirt. In her hands, she was wearing leather gloves, those usually used for lifting heavy objects.
“Sakura” she nodded in greeting, giving her another smile.
To be honest, she had never really been close to Sakura. She was closer to Shino and Tenten out of the whole group, barely ever talking to the others. But they had known each other for years now, and had seen plenty of one another throughout that time, so she was comfortable enough with her.
“Fancy seeing you here. Come for some late night shopping?” she asked as she approached casually. In her left hand, she was carrying a basket filled mostly with pre-cooked meals.
Hinata resisted the urge to make a face at that. Not everyone had the time, or liked cooking enough, to prepare meals from scratch. She had to remind herself of that.
“Not so late… it’s actually my shopping for the month” she clarified, showing off her cart, full of things like flour, meat, condiments and other such products. Sakura glanced at it and nodded, her eyebrows pulling up in amazement.
“All fresh products… sometimes I want to buy them as well but they always end up going bad…”
“It’s not like I use them all in one go. I freeze a lot of what I cook so I have plenty for a time” she explained, feeling strangely proud of herself. A stupid thing to feel proud of, but one of the few she could owe up.
“That’s amazing! But yeah, I guess that must mean you’re very good at cooking, right? Unfortunately, even though I’ve tried and had been taught by many people, I’m pretty helpless in the kitchen” Sakura admitted with a self-deprecating smile. Hinata shook her head.
“I wouldn’t consider myself incredible in the kitchen either… ah” she blinked, staring back towards the line of tomatoes she had been perusing before. “That’s right, I still need to buy everything… I apologize, I must have been holding you” she said as she bowed. Sakura shook her head.
“I’m the one who was holding you. Then, see you later” she waved before starting to turn around. As she did, Hinata took another involuntary look towards her basket, and this time winced freely with no eyes to see it. The thought of anyone eating those pre-cooked, frozen meals…
Without thinking, she spoke again. “Ehm, Sakura?”
“Yes?” the other woman glanced at her over her shoulder with curiosity.
“Do you perhaps have time tonight? I… I would be delighted to prepare something for you…” she offered shyly. Sakura frowned, before looking at her basket, and Hinata felt her cheeks heating up with her blush.
The smile she received, however, was warm, emerald eyes filled with mirth. “Yeah, not the healthiest dinner, right?” she said with a bit of humor. Hinata gasped.
“I… I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to imply…!”
“Relax, I agree with you” Sakura told her with a small chuckle, before looking at her basket again. “As a doctor, I know I should take better care of myself, but as I said, I’m not the best in the kitchen, and honestly, I don’t really have the time to set aside to cook anything decent, even if I had the ability to…”
Then, she looked at her again, her lips extending into a grin.
“I have some free time tonight. If you’ll take me, I’ll gladly eat anything you cook.”
Hinata relaxed at her words, and couldn’t help but return a smile of her own.
“Then, I just need to buy some vegetables and I’ll be done. Do you want to wait for me or do we set a time to meet up?”
“I’ll wait, don’t worry about it.”
With a nod, Hinata went back to the tomatoes, examining as fast as she could before doing the same with all the other fruits and vegetables she wanted to buy. Not half an hour later, they were both leaving the supermarket, Sakura helping her with her shopping while awing at her portable cart for groceries.
She cooked some lemon chicken with a salad. It was easy and fast and Sakura absolutely loved it.
“Ahh, I’m so full” Sakura stretched on her chair, a contented smile on her lips. “You’re incredible, Hinata! I haven’t had such a good home cooked meal since the last time I visited my parents.”
Blushing, Hinata gave her thanks before standing up and starting to pick up the plates. Sakura quickly tried to help her, but was adamantly dismissed by her.
“What kind of hostess would I be if I let my guest help me with the dishes?” she asked, half-joking and half-serious. She had been raised rather strictly and so, even though Sakura insisted, she kept rejecting her until the other woman finally relented, accepting her offer of making herself comfortable on the sofa in the living room.
Hinata hummed to herself, quickly rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, doing it fast and efficiently as it was routine to her by now. She was in a better mood today than she had been in the past few weeks, and she knew it was because, for once, she had company to keep her entertained instead of drowning in her own thoughts and feelings. For that, she decided that she needed to thank Sakura, even if the woman herself didn’t know what she had done for her.
After filling a plate with some of her homemade cookies and two cups with sweet tea, she walked towards the living room, finding Sakura just where she left her, sitting on the couch flipping through a notebook that…
The tray fell from her hands, the contents breaking and scattering around. Hinata hissed at the hot tea making contact with her legs, hurting her even through the fabric of her long wool skirt.
“Hinata! Are you alright?” Sakura quickly stood up, leaving the notebook on the sofa as she advanced towards her. “Did you hurt yourself? Quickly, we need to put some water in there before you get burn!”
“Sakura…” Hinata tried to talk, but the other woman was faster, as well as stronger, as she grabbed her hand and guided her to the bathroom. It was the one meant for guests, as Sakura didn’t know where her own personal bathroom was, but it made do as she made her sit on the toilet, cover down, and wet some towels with water from the faucet before applying it to her legs.
“It doesn’t seem to be too bad, thanks to how thick your skirt is, but it never hurts to take preventive measures, you know?” Sakura said; eyes focused on what she was doing. Hinata bit her lip, her hands closing around the hem of her white cotton shirt, her heart beating so fast it was painful.
“Sakura” she repeated, and when the other woman hummed, she took a deep breath and asked that which she was so afraid to know, but needed it to. “Did you read…? That is, did you see…?”
She couldn’t bring herself to finish that sentence. It was too embarrassing. That was because, in that notebook, that damn notebook she had completely forgotten she had left just lying around…
“…I’m no one to judge” Sakura finally spoke after what felt like an eternity, making Hinata’s heart stop and plummet to her feet.
In that notebook, written in big, glittery letters on the cover, was Uzumaki Naruto’s name, and inside, a detailed plan on how to get over him once and for all.
Hinata had always liked doing lists. She was good at it, organizing, drawing diagrams, setting an objective and the steps that would lead to it. It relaxed her and helped her ground her when she was lost, and in this, such a monumental change in her life, it was no different.
She had bought the prettiest notebook she could find, as well as the most visually stunning glitter pens, and put herself to work. She still hadn’t been able to put the plan into motion, but having that notebook, seeing it from time to time and reminding herself of her objectives, always brought her calm.
Not today.
“I…” Hinata took a deep breath, suddenly feeling as if the room was spinning. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself, but finding it increasingly difficult to as air became scarcer, and the blood rushed to her ears, and all she could hear was its regular pumping beating a rhythm into her skull, and…
“Hinata!”
She gasped, as if she had just broken the surface of a lake after too much time buried underneath. The world started getting into focus once more, colors and sounds rushing in and being almost too much for her. And then she felt hands gripping her shoulders with a bruising grip, and saw a pair of worried emerald eyes looking at her in a panic.
“I… S-Sakura…?”
“Good, good” she sighed, her head slumping on her shoulders, chin touching her chest as Sakura seemed to melt under the relief. “Good. For a second there, I was afraid. You were not breathing…”
“Ah…”
Hinata pursed her lips, concentrating on her own breathing, consciously feeling every inhale and exhale and how it rose and collapsed her chest, seeking the last remaining few steps until she calmed down completely. Not a second did she stop to think about the reason behind her panic attack, less she became trapped in another one.
And then, when she was done and she thought she was in full control of herself again, she looked at Sakura apprehensively, both because of what just happened as well as the knowledge she was now privy to.
Sakura stared back, and, to her surprise, didn’t say anything, patiently waiting for her to speak, if she so desired.
She spoke, but not out of her own wish, rather because she couldn’t stand the silence and those firm eyes on her anymore. “You… you saw the notebook…” she began.
“I saw the notebook” Sakura nodded, slowly pulling her hands away from her shoulders, but remaining on her knees, to be at eye level with her. Hinata gulped.
“You, you must think… I only did it because…!”
“Don’t presume to know what I think” she interrupted, surprising Hinata. She sighed, her eyes finally leaving hers in favor of glancing at the tiled floor of her guest bathroom. “Hinata, there’s no reason to feel ashamed. One… one can’t help who they love.”
Her voice broke a little at the end, but she hid it quickly by clearing her throat and looking at her again with those firm, determined eyes.
Hinata shook her head. “It’s so embarrassing. I… I’ve been in love my whole life, and yet…” her vision started to get blurry, and she closed her eyes to prevent any treacherous tears from falling down. Since the day she found out, she had promised herself never to cry over Naruto again. “And yet, I never noticed… I was so into my own head, my own feelings, and I never noticed…!”
“As I said” Sakura pronounced slowly, carefully. She couldn’t see her expression, but the melancholic tone of her voice caught her attention almost enough to want to look. Still, she kept her eyes shut. “I am no one to judge… not when I’m guilty of the same thing.”
“…what?”
She opened her eyes and looked at Sakura in disbelief. Surely, she must have… she must have heard wrong… because Sakura, she…
Her cheeks flaring up with pink, Sakura sighed again, impatiently, although the sentiment seemed directed towards herself rather than Hinata. She leaned back on her heels, hands resting on her knees, and glanced away, towards the open cabinet from where she had retrieved the towels that were now lying on the floor, used, forgotten.
“I don’t like admitting it, but since I invaded your privacy and I know your secret, it’s only fair you know mine. Although I have to tell you, no one knows this, not even Ino, and unlike you, I was already aware of the situation and fell for him anyway, because I’m an idiot who has no control over herself and…”
Sakura groaned; a hand coming up to mess with her bangs, leaving Hinata more and more confused. When it looked like the pink-haired woman wasn’t going to get another word out, she opened her mouth to ask what she was talking about, but before she could, she spoke again, preventing her from committing a blunder by wrongly assuming things.
In this case, assuming she was in love with Naruto as well.
“I like Sasuke, and I’ve liked him since… well, not my whole life, but at least a few good years… and all this even though I knew not only that he was into men, but into Naruto of all things” she let out a self-deprecating laugh, shaking her head as if ashamed of herself. “So you can stop feeling bad for never realizing something was going on between those two… at least Naruto dated women in the past no? Meanwhile I just went and fell for a gay man like an idiot…”
Done speaking, she hung her head and remained like that for a long while.
Hinata didn’t know what to say. Her thoughts were a jumble of different emotions. Shock, first of all, but also sorrow and… understanding. Yes, she understood Sakura. It was only natural, after all, seeing as the men they both fell in love with… were together.
A new emotion bloomed in her chest, coming along with that last realization. Camaraderie. She and Sakura shared this bond, this pain. And with that, she could no longer feel any apprehension towards the pink-haired woman. Not when, out of everyone else in their friend group, she was the one to find out, the one person who was in the same situation.
And so, she reached out, allowing her hands to gently cup her cheeks, causing Sakura to jump slightly in surprise, before looking at her with a frown of confusion.
“Hinata…?”
“Don’t call yourself an idiot” she chastised softly, gathering her courage to show her a comforting smile. “As you said… we can’t help who we love.”
Sakura blinked, her eyes filling with tears out of a sudden, making Hinata panic. She retreated her hands, fumbling and apologizing for making her cry, but Sakura simply chuckled, drying the small drops with the back of her hands.
“I’m sorry, it’s just… I’ve been keeping this inside me for so long. You don’t know how relieved I am of finally being able to tell someone, and that someone doesn’t judge me…”
A swell of affection and empathy took hold of Hinata’s heart. She shook her head. “Of course I know… we’re the same, remember?” she asked shyly.
Sakura’s small smile grew, and she nodded, laughing a bit more honestly. “Yes, you’re right. We’re… the same” she glanced up, as if considering something, before holding out one of her hands towards her, more specifically, her pinky. “Hey, let’s make a promise, yeah? This will be our secret, and since there’s no one else who can understand the other better than each other… let’s get over those two together, ok? I think… I think it would be easier, doing it with another person than all alone…”
Hinata’s eyes widened. She clasped her hands, swallowing thickly, feeling lighter than she had in weeks. With trembling limbs, she finally pulled away one of her hands and interlaced her pinky with Sakura’s, allowing a small, if a bit unsure, smile to appear on her face.
“I promise not to tell anyone… and to help you get over Sasuke.”
“Good. I promise not to tell anyone, as well as help you get over Naruto.”
With that, they shook their pinkies and then laughed together.
Hinata felt, for the first time since she found out about Naruto and Sasuke; that things were starting to look up.