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Gretchen’s always been the type of person to be anxiously early. She’s a whole half hour early today, for some unknown reason, so she sits down to jam by herself before Cady (who is always on time) shows up. Karen is usually only a couple minutes late, and Regina is always the last one. Gretchen doesn’t mind. She’s scheduled enough time to go through their tour set. After a warm up, Gretchen picks up with songs that she’s written and not shared with the rest of the Mean Girls. Her taste, personally, is a lot less loud than the music that she makes, but Gretchen does love going a little too hard on a way too expensive guitar sometimes. Frustrated with her own song not sounding right, Gretchen switches to one of the songs she’s been obsessed with recently: Artio and Those Who Dream’s “You Set My House On Fire.” The bridge has been stuck in her head since she heard it first, so she plays it out.
“Change my name, change my mind, you still haunt my head time to time,” Gretchen sings, bopping her head slowly, in time, and head down. She repeats it, ignorant to the way Regina’s standing in the doorway, watching her. The acoustic feels good in her hands again after so long playing her Fender. Technically, “You Set My House On Fire” is a lot more electronic than Gretchen is making it, but she’s working on translating more of their songs to acoustic versions, so it’s good practice.
Gretchen doesn’t see Regina disappear from the doorway, moments before Cady cheerfully makes her presence known. Her braids bounce as she walks in, swinging her lanyard.
“Good morning Gretch!”
She’s a little bit too peppy for 8:30 AM, but at least she’s here.
“Hi, Cady,” Gretchen mumbles, working out the tabs to another Artio song. “Tour in T-minus 19 days. D’you think we’re ready?”
“I have no doubt that we will be.”
Cady is ever the optimist, but Gretchen’s never not anxious. They’re dropping another album the day before the tour starts, and she’s gotten good reception from the lead single “Bubbly,” but she’s still worried that their fans will be disappointed after seeing them fuck it up live (not that she thinks they will, but there is always the possibility that they’re going to bungle their first show).
Cady’s probably the most chill drummer that Gretchen’s ever met. Gretchen, Karen, and Regina had started making music together since high school and had gone through a number of drummers (most of them couldn’t handle Regina) until they met Cady, the too bubbly, too sweet, and a little bit too much of a pushover that makes her perfect for them.
Gretchen puzzles over her Artio song until Karen and Regina arrive together, which makes something in Gretchen’s stomach flip. They both have Starbucks—they probably went together—and Gretchen doesn’t mean to feel left out, but that doesn’t mean that she can stop it.
“Morning, bitches,” Regina smirks as she saunters in, Karen trailing only a couple feet behind her.
Cady’s bouncing on the balls of her feet, ready to start playing. Gretchen’s slow to transition her brain from Artio to Mean Girl, and it’s even slower when Regina leans down, a cup appearing from behind.
“Brought you a tea,” Regina says softly, snapping Gretchen’s mind away from music and solely on the way Regina’s hair is brushing her arm, the way her voice is softer than Gretchen’s ever heard it, and the easy smile that Gretchen knows is playing on her face, even though she isn’t looking.
“Thanks, Gi.”
“Anytime, baby.”
Gretchen knows that Regina’s just a flirty person, but she can’t help but be affected by Regina’s flirting. Regina leaves her tea on the floor next to Gretchen, stalking to the other end of the room to start her vocal warm ups. Her right hand, which had been plucking at the strings of her guitar, stills as she listens to Regina do her stupid warm ups. Gretchen shouldn’t be this attracted to someone who keeps fucking up her scales.
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Regina’s only half sure that Gretchen has a crush on her. She’s only half sure that she has a crush on Gretchen.
Regina feels more than sees the way that Gretchen freezes as she sneaks up behind Gretchen with the black tea. If she were feeling a little bit more bold, Regina would’ve dropped her left hand on Gretchen’s left shoulder, running her fingers lightly down Gretchen’s upper arm.
Regina doesn’t intend to tell anyone that she arrives only a little after Gretchen, just to watch her play around with her guitar before anyone else arrives. Gretchen, in the studio that has horrible lighting, looks ethereal sitting on the floor against an overstuffed ottoman. Regina doesn’t know the song she’s singing, but the refrain gets stuck in her head.
Regina makes a quiet escape before Cady arrives, going to the Starbucks down the street. Karen finds her there, knowing that it’s part of Regina’s morning ritual at this point.
“Are you ever going to do something about your crush?”
Regina shrugs half-heartedly, pretending to be nonchalant as they wait for their drinks.
“I don’t want to fuck up band dynamics when something goes wrong.”
“Self sabotage isn’t a good look on you, Regi.”
“I know. You’ve told me so many times, Kaz.”
She’s intentionally picking it up a notch when she gives Gretchen the tea she bought for her. She shouldn’t be flirting with her guitarist and she knows it. Though this band isn’t her main source of income, it kind of is Regina’s only hobby (not to mention a way for Regina to hang out with her best friends). Regina really shouldn’t be fucking up the band dynamics, especially when Mean Girl is going on tour in a little over two weeks.
Karen shoots her a look when she steps away from Gretchen. Regina glares, silently shouting at Karen to not say a fucking word about her half baked crush on Gretchen. She fucks up her scales, like she always does, watching the way Gretchen’s face splits into a grin.
Scratch “half sure,” Regina knows she has a crush on Gretchen Wieners. Maybe something more than a crush. That, Regina’s not too sure about. She’s never felt like this before. Maybe she’ll write it out and it can go on the next album.
Regina’s not sure when her life became wrapped up in the idea of “what’s next?” She doesn’t hate it. What is next for Regina George? Well, she’s going to continue to agonise over her interactions with Gretchen, write songs that are secretly about Gretchen, and hang out with her friends. Her life is relatively simple when she thinks about it in this way, even when she has too many things to do.
What’s next for Regina now is to get through tour rehearsal. Embarrassingly, Regina forgets the lyrics to the songs that she wrote but remembers all the lyrics to what Gretchen wrote. The setlist is finalised, as is their bit that is the intro to “Ground,” and all that Regina needs to do is remember the lyrics.
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The This Can’t Be The End tour starts in Vancouver at the end of March. They meet the opening band, artfreaks, two days before the show. It’s a duo of a percussionist (“That’s Damian. He’s almost too gay to function”) and a guitarist (“Hi, I’m Janis.”) that also both sing and they’re both weirdly funny. Cady takes to the two of them first. Gretchen likes Janis quite a bit. She’s got a good sense of humour, her sense of style is incredibly cool, and Gretchen’s only a little bit jealous of her songwriting ability. Regina doesn’t like Janis, for some reason.
Gretchen can feel someone’s eyes on her as she watches the artfreaks go through their own rehearsal. Janis has more stage presence than any of the Mean Girls, and Gretchen knows that she has to up the energy. Gretchen spends a lot of her time with Janis, mostly because they’re weirdly similar. They have similar tastes in music, which is weird because Gretchen’s oscillates wildly between electronic and folk with a dash of pop. She’s been in a very electronic rock mood lately, so she’s been listening to Those Who Dream and Artio a lot. She introduces Janis to “You Set My House On Fire” and they end up jamming to it whenever they have a little bit of free time because it’s just such a good song.
Gretchen doesn’t notice how jealous Regina gets. On previous tours, it had been Gretchen and Regina against the world. Both of them had been struck by inspiration during the Return of Mean Girl tour and were churning out new songs that never saw the light of day. Whenever they had any free time, it was the two of them, in the tiny little kitchen of the tour bus, exchanging notes. Now, it’s Gretchen and Janis learning songs together, finding new music to listen to, and goofing off, trying to one up each other with their guitar skills.
Tour night one is so much better than she expected. They don’t sell out, but there’s so many other sold out shows, so Gretchen doesn’t care (she also doesn’t believe that not selling out this show is a sign for things to come). Four songs make their live debut, and it’s so, so, so, so cool to see the crowd singing “Dance Class” and “Summer,” even though they’ve only been out for a day.
Gretchen’s only a little bit obsessed with how almost everyone knows the words to “Bubbly.” It’s her favourite song that she’s written on Mean Girl 4 (they’re super original when it comes to album titles), and hearing everyone cheer when she said “this song’s about social anxiety!” gives her such a rush. When the can opening sound starts, Gretchen, squinting, can see people’s faces light up. Regina starts singing “I came in a bit before the opening set,” and Gretchen and her guitar are bouncing around the stage, trying her best to not get distracted watching Regina bop around on stage. During the drum breakdown and guitar solo, Regina gets all up in Gretchen’s face right before the final chorus as Gretchen starts her favourite part to perform. As much as she loves and identifies with the lyrics, her absolute favourite part of a song that she writes for Mean Girl is the breakdown. It gives her an excuse to bounce around, get in Regina’s face, and show off a bit.
Sweat’s dripping down her neck by the time they take a quick break with “First Rate Town.” It’s been half an hour and she’s spent most of it jumping up and down while playing guitar while Regina pretends to play guitar right back at her.
“Let’s slow it down, why don’t we?” Cady shouts into the mic that Karen holds for her, practically bouncing in her seat. “This song, I wrote and then we recorded, but I was never allowed to share the chorus I wrote for this song—”
“Girl, you never told us the secret chorus,” Regina heckles.
They haven’t actually done this bit because when they first performed the unofficial official version of First Rate Town at the SONiC session in Vancouver, so Gretchen’s a little bit nervous to how people will react to the chorus. Not too many people have seen the video of that acoustic set, so Gretchen’s facing away from the crowd, getting a drink of water and joking a bit with Cady because they don’t do anything in this acoustic version. No one is watching them, so Cady mimes singing as if she were Regina, mouthing the words as Regina sings.
“Well it will fade as all things must, I loved you but, you didn't love me enough. Winter comes, the car will rust, I'll start it up, then always run a little rough,” Cady mouths in time to Regina, her arms spread out dramatically. Gretchen’s mind stutters to a halt when a slight rasp creeps into Regina’s voice when Regina reaches the end of the bridge. Gretchen makes eye contact with Cady as soon as she regains coherent thought that isn’t “Oh shit, Reggie’s voice is so hot.” Cady makes kissy faces at her. Maybe Gretchen’s inability to be subtle will act in her favour because Regina will make a move, since Gretchen surely won’t (unless dire circumstances occur).
Two songs later, they introduce the next bit.
“This next song, I wrote about someone I just hate—” Gretchen starts introducing the song that she and Regina had written together about some girl in high school who was basically her rival.
“Oi, Gretch, I wrote the next song.”
“Uh, no, I think I’d remember which songs I wrote.”
“There’s only one way to solve this,” Regina pauses, waiting for a beat, exactly as rehearsed.
“A Beyblade battle!” they both scream.
“Open this pit up right now,” Regina demands, and Gretchen almost takes a step back to create space that already exists in front of her.
The bright pink table with a Beyblade arena is brought out, and they’re handed their Beyblades. It’s such a stupid bit, but the 12 year old boy that secretly lives inside Regina’s brain comes to life as Karen asks for a countdown. On “go,” they both launch their Beyblades, Regina’s magenta and Gretchen’s white. Gretchen doesn’t love how claustrophobic she’s growing as the crowd edges closer, trying to see into the arena. Regina makes eye contact with her over the table, her eyes asking if she’s okay. Gretchen nods, just as Regina’s Beyblade knocks her’s into one of the pockets.
Braggart, cocky, a little bit of an asshole Regina is unfairly attractive as she drags Gretchen back onto the stage and crowds into her space, laughing at her for losing. Gretchen already knows that while she doesn’t like strangers being in her space, she’d do anything to have Regina in it, but having that confirmed, on stage, in front of at least 100 people is just a footnote in her night of reckoning (she’s never been more sure that she has a massive crush—and probably a little bit more than just a crush—on Regina).
“Wouldn’t it be funny if we learned the Beyblade theme? I think we should,” Regina offhandedly remarks, her eyebrows slightly raised.
“I don’t know, Regi, it might be too on the nose,” Karen laughs.
Gretchen snickers before Cady counts off to start the stupid fucking Beyblade theme song. To Gretchen, it’s an even stupider bit than the Beyblade battle, but Regina wanted to do it. And what Regina George wants, Regina George gets. So, Gretchen plays “Let’s Beyblade” while jumping around like a rock star (she does so many jump kicks for the vibes).
“Yeah, it would be crazy if we learned the Beyblade theme,” Regina exhales, trying to catch her breath after the song finishes. “Anyway, this song’s about Gretchen Wieners!”
Gretchen misses her cue because she’s too busy laughing.
“Gretch! Get yourself together so I can sing about how much I hate you!”
Still snickering, Gretchen hits the first note of “Ground” and Regina starts crooning the first verse:
“I'll tell you a story of blood, guts, and glory.”
Gretchen does her best to not melt as Regina and her incredible voice is bathed in the yellow stage lights that mimic the old Western theme that the song has.
The last song of the regular set is “Summer,” wrapping up with the song that is the title of the tour. Regina jumps with every repetition of “this can’t be the end!” Gretchen loves how much everyone in the crowd is so into this song because she wrote this mostly over live streams with fans.
As per tradition, the crowd starts chanting for an encore. Regina and Gretchen make their way back on stage, Gretchen carrying her acoustic. This is one of the few songs that Regina has written for Mean Girl, and Gretchen’s the only one who knows that the song is actually about Karen and their childhood friendship. It’s their slowest song, and Gretchen’s favourite. The gently swaying flashlights in the crowd makes Gretchen’s heart ache just a little, thinking of her own childhood best friend from before she moved away and met Regina and Karen in middle school. Gretchen and Regina harmonise in the chorus, singing “I'll go wherever you go” while making stupidly intense eye contact.
After the final chorus ends, Gretchen gets handed the spotlight by Regina.
“Instead of doing “From the Start” like we planned, we pivoted to let me do something, so I’m going to do a silly little cover,” Gretchen smiles. “I can kinda do whatever I want, depending on if Cady can play the drums. So, this is one of my favourite songs, “Peachy” by The Haunting!”
Cady and Gretchen had practised the song late at night the day before, but Regina and Karen have no clue what this song is. Gretchen shows off a little on her guitar, the lights changing to reflect the very beachy vibe of the song. She feels so pretentious in the second verse, singing “Søren junkies, foreign monkeys got you smoking too much girl. Cigarillo Cinderella with the smoke in your eyes,” but she loves it.
They actually finish the show with their most popular song, “Mimi’s Delivery Service.” They calm down a bit, but Regina and her inability to stay still bounces a little bit in the middle of the stage, even through Gretchen’s solo. The lights go all the way out at the end of the song, and Regina pulls Karen and Gretchen into a messy group hug, guitars still hanging from their bodies. Cady jumps on Regina’s back as the lights turn back on, which gets a lot of laughs from the crowd. Gretchen’s adrenaline is so high and she’s still got so much energy, even after an hour of bouncing around on stage. Regina wraps up the show with her arm still slung over Gretchen’s shoulders, and Gretchen knows that their tour photographer is definitely going to capture the way she stares at Regina.
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Their tour photographer, Evie, asks Regina if she can post a photo of her and Gretchen the day after the Vancouver show as the bus drives into Seattle. The unsuspecting Regina is punched in the gut by how Gretchen is staring at her. It’s a photo of Regina, her arm wrapped around Gretchen’s shoulder, with Gretchen holding her guitar so she doesn’t stab Regina in the side. Regina’s grinning and talking into the mic, probably thanking the crowd for coming and wishing them a good night, but Gretchen is staring at her. She can’t read all of Gretchen’s emotions, but the smile on her face tells her everything that she needs to know: Gretchen probably also has a crush on her.
Regina’s not exactly sure what to do with this knowledge. She could act on her feelings and risk fucking up the band dynamics, fuck up her friendships, and ruin her own goddamn life because her friendships all fall apart. Or, she could wait and see if Gretchen will muster up the courage to ask her out. Or while she’s waiting, Janis could ask Gretchen out and then Regina will be stuck watching Gretchen be in a happy relationship with someone who isn’t her.
With these thoughts swirling in her head, Regina gets on stage in Seattle and has to power through the set without fucking up because she knows that Gretchen might die if she does. They start hard and fast with “No Time to Explain,” and suddenly everything leaves her mind except the lyrics. She doesn’t stop to think twice about getting in Gretchen’s space during some of her riffs, miming playing guitar at her.
Regina really does love performing. She gets to show off both her songwriting and vocal talents, bond with her best friends, and get that adrenaline rush that if she weren’t in a moderately successful band, Regina probably would do something risky like BASE jumping or skydiving. Instead, she gets to share her music, her best friends’ music, and the spirituality of music.
Most of what Regina writes, she doesn’t share with the band. As much as she loves what they write, Regina’s taste in music isn’t this type of indie pop rock. With how many songs that Regina’s written, she could probably launch a solo career and be just as, if not more, popular. Mean Girl is just another indie band, but if she launches a solo career she could make music that’s a little bit more her taste, carve her own little niche into the world of music, and maybe just not be confined to Mean Girl. Not that Regina doesn’t love the band and the music that they make, but she just wants to make something else sometimes.
Regina flubs the lyrics at the end of the first verse of “Nomu,” slurring “But the intent was there, I swear we set our sights on something that we thought was true,” when she blanks on the actual words. It’s less obvious when she slips up at the end of the second verse, getting the order of “Of every heart, of every part, of every stone, of every grave” wrong, which is kind of embarrassing when she wrote the song.
“Man, I’m being real embarrassing and messing up the words to a song I wrote,” Regina giggles when the song is over, knowing that her fuck ups were obvious. “I promise I know the lyrics. Watch me: But the intent was there, I swear we set our sights on something that we thought was true!”
She enunciates her words a little bit more than they should be and the flow isn’t the same, but it gets cheers from the crowd regardless.
“Anyway, this next song is about our favourite UK hotel chain: The Premier Inn! Shout out to the Premier Inn, not sponsored, but get in contact,” Regina winks with a cheeky smile.
Cady and Gretchen start the intro, and Regina hops away from the mic, getting a drink of water. She miscounts the beats (somehow) and comes in late. This is not shaping up to be a great show, but Gretchen and Cady aren’t phased with Regina’s fucked up counting (she’s done this so many times in rehearsal).
Once again, Regina wins the Beyblade battle bit and jokes that “Ground” is about Gretchen. She’s never going to get tired of that joke, especially when she modified her Beyblade so she’ll win (the core is steel, but Gretchen doesn’t need to know that). “Ground” is one of Regina’s favourite songs that she’s written, mostly because she and Gretchen had written this as a sort of cathartic release about this absolute bitch from high school that was obsessed with Regina. The whole writing process had been fun, especially trying to find ways to say the kind of gruesome things that Regina wanted to say into poetic references (not all of them made it, but it was a big exercise in Regina and Gretchen’s ability to be poetic).
Regina really does love the encore starting with “Madeleine.” It might be a song about her childhood friendship with Karen, but what’s special is how everyone adores the song. The swaying phone flashlights make Regina’s heart soar. It’s just her and Gretchen on a stage with minimal lighting, and a crowd of a couple hundred people singing the chorus right back at her. The venue has a disco ball hanging above the middle of the crowd, and there’s something special about the slow spin of the lights around the room as she sings the bridge, “And even when we lost ourselves to something in between the words we shared are all still there to show us where we'd been.”
Regina steps off to the side to let Gretchen take the reins for her cover of the day.
“So, Regina recommended this song to me like, the day before we started touring and I’ve been trying so hard to learn the chords, so excuse me if you know the song and I mess up. This is ‘Presumably Dead Arm’ by Sidney Gish.”
Shock doesn’t even begin to describe Regina’s reaction to Gretchen’s introduction. She’d off-handedly mentioned how much she loves the live versions of “Presumably Dead Arm,” not expecting Gretchen to even remember the song. But now, Gretchen and her guitar are standing centre stage with a single spotlight shining on her, playing the song. Regina can’t tear her eyes away from Gretchen’s shadowy (from Regina’s angle) form, and finally truly relating to the song. She briefly wonders if Gretchen relates to the lyrics as her voice grows stronger, singing the line “I wanna know the lyrics that you think of when you're high.”
As soon as Gretchen’s done with the outro, Regina is wrapping her in a hug, regardless of Gretchen’s guitar between them. She’s smiling like a lovesick idiot, she knows it, but she’s glad that the crowd can’t see it. Regardless of if the crowd can see her face, she sees Evie, just off stage, her camera pointed right at them. They break apart and, in a bold stroke, Regina drops a kiss on Gretchen’s cheek before she turns back to the crowd (if it’s a little bit closer to Gretchen’s lips than a friendly kiss, that’s Regina’s secret to keep).
“Sorry Kaz, Cady; Gadget is my favourite member of this band.”
Cady, who doesn’t have a microphone, boos loud enough that everyone in the building can hear her, and they don’t start “Mimi’s Delivery Service” until Regina and Karen have stopped giggling. Still, Regina laughs through the song. Gretchen’s less energetic, but Regina and Karen bounce around a little bit, as much as they can when they’re both constrained by wires. With Karen almost hanging off her, Regina signs off for the night, and the four of them take a silly little bow like they just finished a theatre production.
With adrenaline coursing through her veins, Regina picks up Gretchen in a hug as soon as they’re off stage.
“There’s no fucking way you learned ‘Presumably Dead Arm’ in, like, two days. There’s no fucking way.”
“See it to believe it, babe,” Gretchen shrugs when Regina puts her down and steps back, a wide grin on her face. “It wasn’t too bad. Different technique than I usually use, but still. Not bad.”
Still smiling, Regina opens her mouth, about to scream, before remembering where she is. Instead, she squints and shakes her head excitedly.
“God, I love you. I meant what I said out there, Gadget. You’re my favourite,” Regina says, unintentional and unwanted softness sneaking into her voice. She almost remedies this by telling Gretchen not to tell anyone else, but she kind of doesn’t want to burst the bubble that they’ve found themselves in; one where Regina doesn’t think about breaking up the band but about finally acting on her feelings for Gretchen. Instead, Damian ruins their moment by pulling Gretchen into a side hug and offering Regina, who isn’t a fan of physical affection from anyone that isn’t her family (that designation includes her best friends), a high five.
“Y’all killed it out there!”
“Eh. I fucked up too many times,” Regina says, trying to not be bitter about her ruined moment. Relief also washes over her because now she won’t just blurt out her feelings for Gretchen. Now that their bubble has been burst, the thought of ruining the band rattles through her head again.
“Girl, no one cares,” Damian half whines. “The people love you! It makes you more human, which the people will eat up.”
Damian’s always trying to convince her to “loosen up” and “take that stick out of her ass,” which Regina resents because she’s a well adjusted individual who is not stuck up in any way, shape, or form. Regina’s just got absolutely unachievable standards for herself.
Damian was the last person Regina thought that she would become friends with. Damian’s flamboyant, unashamedly himself, and a little bit of a mess. He develops a crush on one of the technicians at every venue and he is a yapper. Damian is incapable of shutting up, instead choosing to fill silences with chatter about the boy he thinks is pretty, his plans for the show, whatever flies through his mind. He has a horrible habit of finding Regina in her bunk as she’s writing and filling her comfortable silence. He’s both supportive and insanely critical, but never of her performance (always her personality).
They get to the hotel of the night, and while still on a budget, they split rooms. As always, Regina and Karen share, but Regina wishes that they could change it up sometimes and she could spend the night with Gretchen. Karen and her emotional intelligence but complete lack of social intelligence ask Regina about Gretchen as soon as they’ve both washed up and gotten ready for bed. In the darkness of an unfamiliar hotel room, Regina spills her guts to her best friend. Under the cover of darkness, Regina’s comfortable with whispering everything she feels about Gretchen into the void.
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Even though it’s not their first time performing in San Francisco, it feels completely new to Gretchen. She doesn’t have the words to express how different these two shows feel from any other time they’ve toured in San Francisco. She has an idea for her cover for the next two days, and halfway through the nine hour drive from Portland to San Francisco, she brings it up to Janis in the back of the tour bus. Karen and Cady are in the front, Regina being pestered by Damian in her bunk, and Gretchen finds her in the back of the bus. Hesitantly, Gretchen asks if Janis would like to perform a cover with her.
Janis doesn’t seem to be super interested, but Gretchen steamrolls on with her idea. Stuttering, Gretchen presents her idea for Janis for her to come back on stage for her cover segment, not telling her that the songs she intends to sing are full of gay subtext aimed at Regina. Maybe, she thinks, this will get Regina to make a move because Gretchen’s not going to.
In the back of the bus and with headphones on, Janis and Gretchen spend the next four hours learning “Seasick” by Hollie Col. When they figure out that they can’t do it, just the two of them. Gretchen drags Cady and Karen into her plot. With three guitarists in on this, Gretchen makes the executive decision to pull out her bass that she brought in case of emergency. Somehow, Regina doesn’t move from her bunk, but Damian finds the four of them practising in near silence, only the quiet strumming of guitars and gentle drumming on a practice pad.
San Francisco Night One is incredible. The energy in the crowd is electric, and Gretchen really gets swept up in it. People bop around to artfreaks music, just like Gretchen has done for the past three nights backstage. The artfreaks set is over and Gretchen’s getting antsy, re-tuning her bass as she waits for Regina to initiate their pre-show ritual. Right before 9, Regina drags Gretchen and her bass into the huddle.
“We are badass fucking bitches and we’re going to go out there and show San Fran-fucking-cisco a good fucking time, right? We’re gonna fucking kill it out there and give these San Francisco losers the best time of their goddamn lives.”
As always, Regina gives her shitty hype speech that Gretchen memorised a long time ago. Karen is already buzzing with excitement, Regina’s speech working. Cady cheers “Let’s do this thing!” and Gretchen follows her onto the stage. No one says anything, they just start playing “No Time to Explain” as soon as all of them are set up.
The fourth song of the set, “Tell Me You Know,” is, in Gretchen’s professional opinion, the best song that she’s written. It’s one of the very first songs that she wrote for Mean Girl, and it’s a little bit of a joke of a song. She really had felt like that after her high school boyfriend, Jason, broke up with her, and it was fun to write from a guy’s perspective. It’s also incredibly cathartic to scream “Tell, tell, tell, tell, tell, tell me you know” whenever it comes up in the chorus. Of all the songs that she’s written for Mean Girl, there’s only one that she loves singing, and it’s “Tell Me You Know.” Gretchen’s much more comfortable letting Regina sing. She gets her fill of the spotlight when she does her cover. But still, Gretchen sings the pre-chorus and her favourite line.
Gretchen gets herself under control during “Break,” finally taking a break from jumping around. If she knew how tiring being lead guitar for an indie band with a guitar heavy sound, she probably wouldn’t have joined. But she also now has great biceps because guitar is such a workout. If only she had a hot blonde lead singer of a cool band to drool over her great biceps.
The music video for “Dance Class” was posted the day that the tour started. And it just so happens that the dancers, who choreographed the whole music video, both live in San Francisco, and Regina brings them on stage for the song. Regina laughs something about how she’s going to try to do her best to dance, but Gretchen isn’t paying too close attention. Regina doesn’t know that Gretchen wrote this song vaguely about her. Gretchen is vague blogging about Regina George, but instead it’s a song with nearly a million streams on Spotify alone (somehow, it’s the least streamed, most underrated song on Mean Girl 4).
Gretchen knew that she would have to bear the brunt of the emotional beating that she would be on the receiving end of as she listens to Regina sing the chorus. Gretchen should have known better than to write a song that was about Regina, especially when there was a high probability that it would be on their headline tour for the release of the album it was on. And of course, Regina’s voice is made for performing, and between the way that Regina keeps glancing over at her and smiling, she looks just as angelic as her voice.
When it comes to her encore bit, Gretchen’s not exactly sure how to introduce the song. Even with “Presumably Dead Arm,” Gretchen didn’t think twice about crediting Regina for the inspiration, but the intention of this song is for Regina to be told (and Gretchen’s not sure if she’ll understand, but she doesn’t really care if Regina understand or not) about Gretchen’s feelings for her. So, Gretchen chooses to make a joke about gay pop (the Jojo Siwa slander has been on her mind), brings Janis back on stage who hands her the bass, and starts the song. Between Janis’s orange jeans, Gretchen’s blue button up over a white graphic tee and cargo shorts, and Cady's whole vibe (she’s wearing cargo pants and a flannel), they look like a group of gays and their token straight (not that Karen is straight, but her vibe does not give any hints to the fact that she’s pan).
“Seasick” probably wasn’t the best choice for Gretchen, who’s trying to get her point across, but it’s a fun, groovy song that’s fun to perform. She’s trying to not overthink things, even though this whole endeavour almost requires her to overthink. The lights bathe the room in a mix of light blue and coral, and Regina in the corner of the stage is a view that Gretchen doesn’t want to stop looking at. Halfway through the song, Karen abandons her job as rhythm guitarist to dance around with Regina, and it feels like the three of them are in high school again, playing music in Gretchen’s basement.
When they hit the bridge, Gretchen’s eyes are drawn to Regina because of course they are. The teal lights glint off Regina’s blonde hair as Gretchen sings “It's making me seasick: going back and forth pretending that I don't need it. But I need it.”
She hopes that Regina knows that she’s so done with the flirty will they/won’t they dynamic, but she’d go on with this not-really-a-situationship until Regina decides if they will or won’t. Gretchen’s laugh is picked up by the mic as she finishes the song. It’s the first time she’s played bass for a live audience, and with how the bass drives the melody, Gretchen was worried that she was going to screw up.
Regina smiles as she saunters back to the mic and Gretchen steps back. Gretchen melts a little as Regina smiles and compliments her, and she almost drops her bass as she switches back to her guitar. After her absolute banger of a performance that Gretchen’s put on, she posts up at the front of the stage for the intro bopping along to the music as the lights flash for a second. Regina’s got a sheen of sweat on her forehead and her bangs are slicked back and lost in the rest of her hair. Regina keeps spinning and walking around, the microphone wire getting wound up on her shoulder. An image of Regina George floats in front of her eyes when the lights cut after the chorus, before illuminating the real Regina George again. It’s a little bit crazy that this version of Regina’s taken up permanent residence on the back of Gretchen’s eyelids after one glance, but it’s not surprising.
Regina doesn’t say anything about the song after the show’s over. Gretchen decides that she has to step up her game so Regina will make the executive decision to change their relationship dynamic. With no reaction from Regina, Gretchen decides to pick it up a notch. She’ll keep bringing Janis on so she can play the bass and have some fun with the songs that she chooses.
Something in her brain recognises that Regina might feel left out, but Regina was the one to suggest this bit. She said that Gretchen deserves to have the spotlight for a bit because her voice is incredible and it would be stupid of her to not let Gretchen perform. Gretchen’s anxiety had kicked in and refused initially, saying that playing lead guitar was enough for her. But Regina was adamant and gently pushed Gretchen to agree to one song in the encore and that it can be whatever song that she wants. Still, Gretchen managed to get everyone but Regina and Damian involved. There must be something in Regina that’s a little bit bitter over the fact that everyone but her has some role in this (Damian’s role, that he doesn't know he has, is to keep Regina distracted so she doesn’t discover the song before the show).
Gretchen’s too afraid to ask Regina if she’s feeling left out of the bit, but she instead takes her acoustic out and writes her way through some feelings. The result is muddy and Gretchen kind of hates it, so it’ll stay firmly in the notebook of songs she’ll never share with anyone (unless Regina asked to see it).
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Before San Francisco Night Two, Regina’s treated to a veritable slideshow of images of Gretchen watching her (and Regina staring at Gretchen). Bathed in blue lights, Regina flips through hundreds of images of her watching Gretchen and her bass, her face reflecting the thoughts racing through her head on full display. Gretchen had sung “‘cause you'rе not even my type” while shaking her head as if she didn’t like the line, but had sung a song that was so obviously about someone trying and failing to get over an ex.
There’s enough pictures of Regina and Gretchen exchanging glances or their eyes lingering on each other that Regina could fill a library. By the end of this tour, regardless of whether or not Regina or Gretchen act on their apparently very blatant feelings, Regina’s apartment could be flooded with prints of photos of the two of them.
Regina’s prohibited from Gretchen and Cady’s room for the day because Gretchen is preparing her cover of the night, which is absurd when Regina can hear Karen’s muffled guitar through the hotel wall. Regina’s excited for the song that Gretchen will cook up. She’s never been one for mainstream music, so Regina will have the freedom to both listen to some new music (unless it’s another song that Regina recommended to her) and analyse a song for whatever Gretchen’s trying to tell her.
Technically, Regina’s supposed to be on vocal rest, seeing as they have three shows in the next three days and she should be saving her voice, but Regina’s got a melody playing in her head and needs to pair it with one of the songs she’s written.
She learns that Gretchen can hear her through the walls when Gretchen texts “stop singing sad bitch music,” which would hurt her feelings if Regina didn’t think it was so hypocritical (Gretchen is a chronic sad bitch music writer). Regina hears a muffled “you’re supposed to be on vocal rest” from Cady in Gretchen’s room, and stops trying to record her audio because she’s laughing too hard.
Even though she was supposed to not use her voice at all, Regina’s voice is still going strong by San Francisco Night Two. Maybe she really should have not recorded a melody for a song about Gretchen because by song two, “Alchemist,” Regina knows that she’ll actually have to rest on the drive to Los Angeles tomorrow. Still, she doesn’t take it easy because it’s a much better experience for the audience. She jumps every single time she sings “Give it up, give it up, give it away; Well you were barely aware and you learnt that day,” and moves between each of her friends as she sings “This is your only plan, Oh, now this is your only. Now this is your only plan, Oh, now this is yours.” Regina gets a little too close to the edge of the stage during the second verse and nearly eats it while singing “You'll force it to yield. You'll forge it to the lines. You'll let your callous be your shield.”
Instead of falling ass over tits, Regina faceplants into the crowd, someone gets a handful of her tit, and suddenly she’s laughing too hard to sing. The music, aside from the prerecorded bass track, comes to an abrupt halt as Regina’s three best friends lose their minds. Cady’s drums clatter aggressively as she drops her sticks on the cymbals. Gretchen, mid-riff, doubles over, shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Karen, on the other hand, laughs loudly, her mic picking it up.
The security officers help her back onto the stage, but the four of them can’t get back on track. Every time Regina makes eye contact with any of her friends, they break into laughter again. Somehow, they manage to compose themselves, and start over with “Alchemist.” Regina stays away from the edge of the stage, instead choosing to antagonise Cady in the back.
They get to “Drifting” without any more falls, but Karen mimes face-planting right before they start singing, and Regina nearly drops the mic and starts fighting her. Instead, Regina says “I’m going to punch you” right before she starts singing. She drapes an arm around Gretchen’s shoulders for the second verse, kicking the flirting up a notch.
“Sorry, baby, I've been drifting again, could you repeat the question?” She sings, close enough to Gretchen’s ear that she can hear through her in-ear monitors. It’s almost imperceptible, the way Gretchen freezes, missing a note. Lead guitar isn’t as distinct as other songs, so Gretchen’s off the hook for today. Regina can’t wait for Evie’s next round of pictures.
During “Madeleine,” Regina gets herself a stool, perching on it while half facing Gretchen and half facing the crowd. They make incredibly intense eye contact as Regina sings “And even when I lost myself in all of those tall trees, you took me down, you held me up, you patched my bloody knees.” The song might be about one of her best friends that isn’t Gretchen, but she means it. She knows that if she says jump, Gretchen will ask “how high?” As she and Gretchen sing “I’ll go wherever you go,” the heated eye contact makes its return. Regina manages to tear her eyes away from Gretchen, looking over the crowd for the bridge.
“Hey, stay on your stool for this bit Reg,” Gretchen says as Karen, Janis, and Cady file back on stage. “I’m trying a new thing, guys. I’m gonna pull a Regina George and not play an instrument. I don’t know how this is going to go because I recorded the bassline late last night after the other show and we don’t actually have a keyboard so some of the sounds are improvised, but we stay silly! This is “Heads Up” by Austin and the Powers.”
Janis starts the song with a very groovy sound, and Cady comes in after a few beats. Unsure of why Gretchen wants her on stage (she hopes that it’s a love confession), Regina watches her only kind of suspiciously. When Gretchen starts singing, Regina loses the ability to control the face she’s making and how to have any thoughts other than “holy shit.”
“Do you wanna see this thing through? Do you wanna see what we do? Heads up when I fall. Heads up when I'm falling for you. Do you think that I could keep you? I don′t think that I could leave you,” Gretchen sings through a smile, grabbing both of Regina’s hands with her free one, trying to get Regina off her ass and dance. Eventually, Regina smiles bashfully, Gretchen’s lyrics getting her heart, and she spins Gretchen around once. She knows that her face is flushed, and not from the exertion of the concert.
Gretchen smiles with the last line, but Regina’s bearing the weight of Gretchen’s heavy eye contact as she sings “Heads up ‘cause I'm falling for you.”
Regina, who took her in-ears out to hear the crowd during “Madeleine,” hears Gretchen whisper “lyric change!” excitedly in her ear. She’s not exactly sure what it means, but she’ll figure it out eventually.
After Regina’s showered, she hesitantly makes her way a couple feet down the hall to Gretchen’s room. It feels like the walk takes a lifetime, maybe like she’s living the same day over and over and over again. Is she in the Premier Inn? Waiting for Gretchen to open the door also takes a lifetime.
Cady’s not in the room when Gretchen opens the door. Regina knows that they’re going to have an important conversation.
“Hey, Gadget. I want to give you a heads up: I’m fallin’ for you,” Regina says, a half smile gracing her features.
Gretchen’s face splits into a wide grin, and she doesn’t even start blushing.
“Good. The flirty back and forth was making me seasick.”
Apparently the conversation is going to be a lot less difficult than she thought it would be.
“Do we really need to talk?” Regina asks, closing the door as she walks into the room.
“We probably should, but I don’t want to.”
“Mkay, Gadg,” Regina says, reaching out for Gretchen’s hands. Almost unconsciously, Gretchen slips her hands into Regina’s and gets pulled gently in. As special as she thinks it should be, it’s horribly normal. Like kissing Gretchen Wieners is something that she deserves to do everyday. It feels like Regina should be kissing Gretchen Wieners when she wakes up, when she leaves her apartment, when she comes home, when Gretchen has to leave, when Gretchen comes back, when Regina wants to steal kisses, when they fall asleep.
They exchange lazy kisses, after midnight, like they’ve been doing it for lifetimes. They end up sitting on the edge of Gretchen’s bed, Gretchen in Regina’s lap and she doesn’t even feel the sense of urgency that she should when she’s making out with the girl that she’s had a crush on for months, and maybe years. Maybe it’s a good thing. She won’t sleep with Gretchen and her crush won’t be gone.
“Gadg, I hate to be responsible, but we should sleep.”
“Stupid fucking tour,” Gretchen mumbles into Regina’s mouth.
“Gadget, baby, the drive to LA is going to be hell if you don’t sleep. I noticed that you never sleep on the bus, even when we’re up late.”
“How am I supposed to sleep when I know that I could be with you?” Gretchen whines, only kind of pathetically, as Regina stands by the door.
“Go the fuck to sleep, Gadg. You’ll see me in the morning and we can gross Karen out and kiss while you’re not practising your next cover.”
Gretchen’s lazy, sleepy grin fills Regina’s chest with warmth.
“Alright. Goodnight, Reynold.”
“It’s Reginald, Gadg.”
Gretchen shakes her head, a silly smile on her face. Regina’s pretty sure that she’s half in love with Gretchen.