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This is it.
I want to die…
not literally… but FUCK!... This hangover is killing me like a motherfucker!
My head is spinning like crazy, my guts burn like are full of boiling acid, and if I didn’t skip dinner tonight, Raptor Jesus, I would have probably puked in a way that would have terrified even an exorcist!
It’s a miracle I managed to return home… SOMEHOW!
Who the fuck would want to feel like this willingly!?
Not that I drank that much all things considered… man, I really am a lightweight…
How many I had? 4 or 5? Didn’t feel like it was a lot honestly, or was it? … fuck, I don’t remember…
…is all blurry…
…I just remember the beach...
…being down on the sand…
…how cold the water was…
OW! My face also hurt-…
…Oh…
…I remember now…
I fucked up. I fucked up REALLY bad.
FUCK! Why did I say all those things…?
Sure, I was angry and frustrated at her for all the pronouns bullshit and how she was bossin’ me around all the time recently, but… I didn’t want to lash out at her like that…
“YOU DON’T EVEN MAKE A PASSABLE FAGGOT!”
She was crying… goddamnit…
I’m such an asshole… I need to apologize to he- them! THEM! IS THEY/THEM YOU MUMBLIN’ IDIOT!
…but not now… I can’t do it now.
I feel too much like shit right now. Mentally AND physically. I’ll sleep and tomorrow morning I’ll talk to them with a clear head:
“It was just me venting, I didn’t mean what I said, I needed a target, and you were the only one there. Not that it makes me less of a dick. I am really REALLY sorry.” I guess I’m gonna get my ass kicked,
oh well…
The alcohol didn’t help either, clouded my judgement for sure…
“Fixing Fang”
Such bullshit! I wouldn’t change a thing… ok maybe a thing or two like the preening thing or their obsession for Dino-nuggets, but that’s not the point! Everybody needs to deal with their problems, but there’s nothing to “fix”!
Wow… I need to take notes, I’m probably going to forget all this tomorrow.
Naomi, you are such a bitch! If there is someone that needs to have their head fixed, is YOU!
You peach-colored-fake-ass-miss-perfect-psycho…
You know what? I am going to tell this tomorrow to her face, maybe I’ll also talk to Naser and tell him what his “perfect girlfriend” thinks about his sibling. Ah yes… I can’t wait!
But first I need to make up with Fang… God I hope they are ok…
No need to worry! tomorrow is gonna be ok and everything will be alright!
…is gonna be ok…
…is gonna be ok…
…
…
…
“Trish was right about you.”
Come on Anon! why are you so scared!?
Just call them and tell them that you are sorry!
FUCK!
Maybe I need to write down something to prepare myself…
…Should I buy something as an apology?...
ARGH! YOU ARE STALLIN’ ANON! GROW A PAIR FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!
…
I’m calm… All right.
*CALLING - FANG*
“What do you want?”
“H-Hey Fang, how-”
“WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT!?”
“Listen, I-I just wanted to apologize! I didn’t want to hurt you!”
“Well, YOU DID, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!”
“I’m sorry I didn’t-”
“YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SAY “SORRY” AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!? AFTER WHAT YOU SAID TO ME!? YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”
“N-NO! of course not! I mean, I am sorry but- “
“FUCK OFF!”
“Fang please! Let me explain! We can still fix-”
“I DON’T HAVE TO FIX SHIT! THERE IS NOTHING WITH ME THAT NEEDS “FIXING”! STICK IT IN THAT SMALL CAVEMAN BRAIN OF YOURS! YOU FUCKING BIGOT!”
“NO! that’s not what I meant-”
“JUST FUCK OFF! GO AND TRY TO RUIN SOMEONE’S ELSE LIFE!!!”
“FANG! PLEASE I LOV-”
*Call ended*
…
What just happened…? I knew it was gonna to be tought… but…
This is it?
Everything is gone, just like that… after a phone call…
What was that saying? “Years to build and Seconds to break” or something like that…
Uh… I guess it’s really true.
Maybe Trish is right about me… if I can make Fang this upset just after a couple of beers…
I never truly try to understand their view of the world. For me it was just all attention-seeking-behavior.
But… to get that angry… that betrayed for what I said… God… I never imagined they were struggling that much…
“Together against the World”
Yeah right…
NO WAIT! THIS IS ALL WRONG! I LOVE FANG! SH- FUCK! THEY DIDN’T LET ME SPEAK!
I need to call them again!...
WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG!!?
*Ding*
What’s now-!?
…
Oh… that’s why…
“User: Fang, has blocked you.”
…
I didn’t know you would get a notification for that.
I guess is really over then.
…
NO BIG SURPRISE! the skinnie asshole got dumped for something that he did.
LOOK AT MY SHOCKED FACE!!!111!!
/s
Fucking hell… guess I’m back to square 1, kinda was the plan since I got here at Volcadera now that I think about it.
That was one hell of a ride, that’s for sure!
At least I can brag how I had hot ptero gee eff online without lying. Still probably not gonna believe me. Eh, whatever…
You know what? I’m going to do it right no-
Why is the screen so blurry?
Oh… I’m crying… I didn’t notice… eh…
W-well is understandable, I managed to find someone that was fine to have me around, probably the only one on Earth, if not in the Universe… aaaaand I fucked it up. Nice job jackass!
No shit you feel sad!
I don’t even know what I ‘m feeling right now… “Sadness” is too simple to describe it and
“Despair” is way too grandiose… I just feel…
… “Empty” …
… “Hollow” …
…” Numb” …
…I feel like I’m… “Nothing” … Well, I have NOTHING:
No friends… no family who cares… no money… not talent for anything useful…
…and now no girlfriend.
…just nothing…
Yep, that’s pretty accurate.
I’m a nobody that nobody gives a shit.
A waste of oxygen.
A weed
Anon Y. Mous
…
"College or the service, I don't care which."
Why bother…?
I’m still gonna be alone in the end… just like right now… I’m used to it at this point… nothing new…
…B-but… then…
…why does it hurt so much?...
CALLING – REED
“Hello?”
“Hey Reed”
“H-hey… Anon…”
“…”
“Dude… is everyth-”
“Listen Reed… I know that is probably really awkward talking to me right now, and I know I’ve probably been a really shitty friend, to you, Trish, Naser, Stella, Rosa…even to fucking Naomi, and I’m really sorry for that, you are a real Bro, you always were.”
“Bro, what the fuck are you talking about!? *What’s wrong Reed? Who are you talking to?* ”
“Was that Trish? Can you please give her the phone for a moment?”
“Hello?”
“Hi Trish”
“Oh, hi A-anon… h-how… how are you doing?”
“Could be better. Fang dumped me.”
“SHE DID WHAT!? WHAT DID YOU DO?!”
“Doesn’t really matter honestly. Trish… About the projector incident… listen, I understand why you did it and I forgive you. You were just trying to protect your best friend, and I should have probably talked to you when we were in Spears’ office… Fuck! We should have talked even before that! But I don’t blame you for not wanting to have anything to do with me.”
“What-”
“You were right. It’s true that I love Fang and that I didn’t want her to leave you guys behind… but you are right. I’m just a selfish skinnie asshole, pop out from nowhere, that ruins everything you hold dear without ever considering others.”
“Anon… this is not funny… why are you being so… weird… are you drunk or something?”
“Nah… once is enough for me.”
“…HEY-! *----* ANON! DUDE! Stop scaring us what is going on!? Are you all right!?”
“Oh, is you again Reed. Yeah, don’t worry. Just… I need you to promise me something.”
“What?”
“Don’t leave Fang alone, even when they act like a total bitch eheheh… especially in those times. And listen to them, both of you. Also cut that carfe shit a bit, you are way too smart to rot your brain away.”
“ANON-!”
“Goodbye Reed, and Goodbye Trish.”
Thank you for Everything.
*Call ended*
*User: Reed Blocked*
…
CALLING – FANG
“Hello, Reed? Has been a while, wazzup?”
“FANG!”
“Dude! Calm down! is everything ok!?”
“Sorry… Fang listen… did something happened to Anon?”
“Why do you ask…? did that asshole do something stupid?”
“He called us moments ago… and told us that you dumped him.”
“WHAT!? NO I DIDN’T! W-We had had a fight last night after drinking too much beer, and this morning he pissed me off trying to say sorry, but I didn’t dump him!”
“Er… what did you say to him… exactly?”
“I- er… kinda told him to “Fuck off”, maybe too hard, because I was pretty angry… and blocked his number…”
“That totally sound like a “break up- fight” Fang. Fuck… what a mess…”
“Wait Reed… Why are you agitated? Is like someone OD or something! what did he tell you!?”
“He… was just apologizing. To me, to Trish, to everybody- *Fang, I’m here too, seriously I know that I joke about he being a weirdo, but that was so fucking creepy and scary! *”
“W-what d-do you mean? Is he ok?”
“He was… calm… too calm… and the way he was talking… felt like… he was just like… I know that fucking feeling far too well, and that’s bad! Real BAD!... he then told us… to not leave you alone.”
“Oh my God…”
“Fang, where is he now?!”
“P-probably at home. Yesterday I-I left him at the beach but this m-morning was f-fine! OH FUCK! PLEASE BE OK!”
“OK, OK! Err…Fuck.. where are you now Fang!?”
“I’m nearby my house…”
“OK Fang, stay there! We’re close, we’ll get the van and go straight to Anon! You know his address, right?”
“He lives in Skinrow, St. Hammond Street, 237 I-I think… I’m not sure!”
“That’s fine! You’ve been there, right? We’ll find it once we’re there! Don’t worry we’re comin’!”
“What have I done… is all my fault…”
“Fang! Nothing happened Dude! He is probably pranking us *Yeah Fang! This must be just his weird sense of humor! Don’t worry I’ll whoop his skinny ass as soon as I see him for making us worry*”
“…”
“Shit...I see you! Quick hop in!”
*Call ended*
Fuck… my heart is beating like crazy…
But this is it. End of the Line. There is no turning back now.
…
Fuck this is so depressing… No shit Sherlock! What did I expect? A Tyrantino movie scene with a cool monologue and an epic shoot out? Fucking hell what a moron… well at least one less for the world in a couple minutes. Not that anybody would give a shit. My father will probably make me cremated with the nameless hobos, just for not having to deal with my funeral.
I wonder… would… Fang and the others come to my funeral…? Probably not… maybe out of pity…
…
How am I gonna do it though? I don’t have a rope and the bed sheets are pretty thin… probably not gonna hold me for long before they break… and I don’t want to go out… don’t wanna see familiar faces.
I don’t have a gun, obviously, and the closest thing to weapons in the house is the cutlery, but those knives are dull as fuck!
Wait…
I have this. My pocket knife. Eh, this is kinda funny. I have this to avoid getting stabbed and now I’m gonna kill myself with it. Pretty ironic isn’t it? I never use it on anybody before and now I’m gonna be its first victim.
Ok. Strangely enough I know how this work. Emo kids were such an easy target that you feel bad for them. I scrolled waaaay too many threads filled with hormonal kids too much into My Primordial Romance.
All right, for once my shitty shower is perfect for the occasion. Colder the water, the better for me.
Not feeling my arms will help me a lo-
WHAT THE FUCK!? I SAID COLD WATER NOT LIQUID NITROGEN!
F-FUCKIN’ H-HELL!... T-THAT’S REALLY C-COLD!
But it does the trick, even if my teeth are chattering like a wind-up toy from the 50s, I can barely feel my arms.
Alright… alright…alright…
“Horizontal is to show off, Vertical to go off” I still believe is kinda bullshit but I’m running out of ideas… and I admit that I’m too of a coward to slit my throat. I want it to be painless.
Ok. Here we go… 3… 2… 1…
…FUCK! Still hurt like hell!...
…But is… manageable… like the worst papercut you’ll ever experience.
One arm done, holy shit! I went pretty deep this thing is hella sharp!
better also do the other to be sure.
Fuck… this is going to be a pain; I can’t get a strong grip with a shredded arm.
Maybe I can use a towel or something to make a tight grip with a knot. Let’s give it a try.
Shit, I’m making a mess, there is blood everywhere...
Eh, fuck it! Sorry landlord, but this is gonna be your problem to deal with.
Ok the knot is tight enough, and the grip is pretty strong.
Ok, let’s end this for good.
3…
2…
1…
…
…I’m starting to get dizzy and lightheaded… I guess it’s working…
I’m feeling sleepy… this is kinda nice…
… feels warm…
Maybe is the blood… or maybe the brain just losing steam…
…
That’s weird… do dying people dream?
There are weird noises, and colored shadows in the room.
One is pink… one is purple… and one is gray…
The last one very nice, is like a minty grey. It also has two pretty orange glows, like Amber stones.
Amber… I really like that name.
Oh, they are getting closer… but this is not scary… is almost… comforting. I like this. Feels like a hug.
Would be nice to stay like this for a bit longer…
But… I’m… really… tired…
…
“I’m sorry…”
…
“I don’t know this ceiling…”
Urk!... I can’t move… my body feels like is made out of lead…
Where am I? Is this Heaven? I’d assumed that I was going to Hell… but everything is white here… unless they have a nasty sense of humor up there…
Raptor Jesus… my vision is so blurry… I can’t focus on anything. That’s annoying.
*…Bip. Bip. Bip… *
Wait… is that…
FUCK!
I’m still alive… for fuck sake!... I’m shit at dying too…
Whatever…
I’m probably at the hospital or something. Maybe the landlord’s doing. Now I kinda feel bad that I left the bathroom in such a mess…
maybe it was easier to do than dealing with the police with a dead skinny teenager…
I don’t fucking care…
Uh, my vision is getting adjusted… I can see again. Yep, definitely the hospital. Nothing like a depressing sterile white to soothe your sick patients. The beeping is just my heart monitor, like I assumed…
I can’t see anything below my chin, Fuck I feel like I’m paralyzed… no wait I can feel everything. Probably just weak for the blood loss.
Shit, is hard to move even a little… and I feel something pressing on my belly… not heavy… is like a blanket… this feels familiar.
Maybe I can move my hand a little to feel it my fingers… just a little bit...
Ah, got it!
This is really soft… feels like silk… are these… feathers? Uh...
I wanna keep touching it, this is very relaxing… maybe with my other hand…
…this is… different, doesn’t feel like feathers… more like hair… is still very soft but I can tell.
I’m… like… patting someone’s head? That could be awkward. But is not like I can do much about it.
They are the one that is sitting near my bed. And I can BARELY move right now.
Hold on a minute…
A feathery blanket…
Silky long hair…
A minty grey shadow
“Fang…?”
This is something nobody can really prepare you for: How to talk to your crying ex after almost killing yourself. Sounds like one of those shitty news titles on Kotakurus.
Now I can see them clearly: their eyes are bloodshot and puffy from crying and their make-up is everywhere except where it should be, their feathers are unkept… just like their hair… they are not looking at me though… just how long was I here? Oh, shit…
Is already dark outside. I was out for that long?
Looking at them again… it reminds me of when we talked on the roof at school.
Except… their face is… different… what is it?
…guilt…?
We stay silent.
Fuck… this is awkward…
“….rry….”
What? What was that?
“Did you say something?”
They are looking now. Fuck, that gaze could pierce a hole through steel!
“Anon… I’m so fucking sorry!”
What? Why are you apologizing?
“Is all my fault…”
WHAT!? No no no no no…
“You were right… *sniff*”
No, please don’t cry!
“I REALLY AM JUST A MENTALLY ILL SCHIZO!”
“NO, YOU ARE FUCKING NOT!!!” shit… I didn’t want to scare them…
Oh fuck… I’m dizzy… maybe that was too much… back to the soft pillow, I guess…
Uh, it doesn’t feel like before… is hard to open my eyes…
They are holding me… like I’m the most precious thing in the world… I don’t understand…
“Sorry…”
“No Fang… I shouldn’t have raised my voice, I’m sorry…”
They are hugging me now, strong but gentle at the same time. I try my best to do the same, but my arms don’t really move as much as I would like them to.
I must have fucked up something.
I can hear them sobbing, her snoot is nuzzling on my shoulder. The best I can do is gently rubbing the space between their wings. They look calmer now.
“I-I’ve never been so scared… I thought you killed yourself… so much blood…”
FUCK… that’s something that will stick for all their life…
“Thank God Reed was so fast! *sniff* The doctor said if we came 5 minutes later you would hav-… you’d be-… fuck!...”
“Fang, please calm down, I’m ok now, for real this time.”
“*sniff* Ok…”
“Wait… was Reed here too?”
“Y-yeah, Trish too. They called me after we had that… fight.”
“Oh… yeah, I guess it makes sense… But why though?”
“What do you mean “why”?”
“Why looking for me? Doesn’t make sense to me.”
“…”
“…What?”
“Anon you are such an idiot!”
“What!?”
“THEY WERE SCARED SHITLESS!”
Uh? Come again?
“I’ve never seen Reed that agitated before… Hell! even Trish looked like scared kid!”
“But- What? I don’t understand… I thought they hated me…”
*WHACK! *
“OW! What was that for!?” fuck my head…
“That’s for being a fucking Dork, and I’ll smack you again if you keep saying something stupid!”
“Ok fine! But I mean, after what happened with the projector… I thought…”
“Anon, you are still their friend! They care about you! I… I care about you… a lot.”
What… Wait... What the fuck? I’m so confused.
…
“How did you guys find me?”
“Wasn’t that hard, you aren’t really the explorer type. We just got to your house with Reed’s van.”
Oh, that’s new.
“Reed has a van? And you guys didn’t pass out inside of it?”
“Dweeb…” There it is, a smile on my favorite snoot.” Surprisingly Reed wasn’t smoking. Honestly? It was pretty weird seeing him sober for that long.” My “request” must have been a shock for him… I really need to spend more time with him.
…
“Y’know… about the fight we had this morning… Anon… I’m sorry… I went too far. Also, I didn’t mean it as a “break-up-fight” I swear! I Love you too! I was... just angry… and I needed a target, and you were the only one there…”
Where did I hear this before? OH, right…
“That’s ok Fang, everything is good, I kinda deserved it though… y’know… about the beach.”
“Uh? Oh… OH! I understand… You were pretty drunk though, while I was pretty much blinded by rage… I guess we aren’t that different?”
“I guess yeah… Eh, I’m probably the more schizo of the two right now.”
*WHACK! *
“Too soon, Dweeb!” worth it.
…
“Anon…”
“Uhm?”
“Why did you do it?”
“…” I guess it was coming. “Do you remember when we talked on the school rooftop?”
“Yes of course, I could never forget.”
“You asked me if I ever felt like I just didn’t matter.”
“What about it?”
“I… Pretty much feel like that every single day… at least when I’m not with you.”
Oh, they weren’t expecting that. Their eyes are wide open.
“What…?”
“My parents… don’t give a shit about me. After the Rock Bottom clownfest they preferred to discard me in the farthest place possible for not having to deal with me. Not a word of comfort, or anything else. Just… nothing.
I know that your family can be annoying and often mess up pretty bad but is clear that they care about you.”
“Anon…”
“Please let me finish. You were surprised before when I didn’t understand why Reed and Trish considered me as their friend” also side note TRISH consider ME her FRIEND!? That’s a real shocker, well she kinda save my ass…
“Anon you’re mumbling…”
“…Sorry… as I was saying: the photoshopped photos, those that everyone saw at the Auditorium were the reason why I came here in Volcadera… and those were used by someone that I though was a friend…”
“I know Trish messed up, but she is really sorr-”
“I meant also from someone I considered a friend at Rock Bottom.”
“Oh…”
“Yeah… so when Trish did the same thing… for me was like a replay of what I felt at my previous school. Nobody was really my friend… if someone was nice was just out of politeness. Don’t worry I realize how stupid it sounds now, and to be fair Trish had a motive way more “noble” than just bullying me.”
“Speaking of her…”
“What?”
“She was… really shocked when she saw you in the shower… she was looking at you all the time. I think she feels responsible about all this. But she also told me that you forgave her. I think she see you differently now… by A LOT! Maybe she didn’t realize how much you were struggling. We all did actually…”
“Uhm… I guess I’ll talk to her again, but yeah, I have no grudges on that little trigga”
God, I love when they giggle.
“Dweeb”
“…” my smile soon fades “So… without wasting time about me being broke or not having any particular talent…”
Fang is looking at me while holding my hands, they are incredibly focused right now.
“The only thing in my life that is worth something is you, Fang.”
Are they blushing? Oh my!
“S-shut up…” cute. “I-I mean… please continue.”
“So… when I thought that I destroyed the only good thing in my life… out of something so stupid… so selfish… I just felt… Useless…”
“Anon, you are not useless! Don’t forget how much you helped me! I’d be lost without you!”
“Yes, now I know it was just a misunderstanding… but…”
hold it Anon, please stay strong.
“I-I felt… so lost… like there was n-nothing worth living for… a future w-without you…”
God Fucking Damnit…
“AND I ALMOST THROW IT ALL AWAY FOR REAL BECAUSE I AM A FUCKING IDIOT!!!”
I’m so fucking weak. No, Fang, I would be lost without you.
I can’t even remember the last time I cried like this…
I’m drenching her shirt with my tears.
My throat hurts, for how loud I am… But I can’t stop… I held it in for too long.
Fang is just holding me in their arms, while two silver wings shield us from everything else.
I feel asleep. I was super tired so that’s no big shocker here.
Fang is gone, but it was pretty late when I woke up. I hope they are resting a bit… I hope everybody does…
Man… the more I think about what happened yesterday… the more I think of how much of an idiot I was…
And how much I made them worry…
In my defense is not like I’m used to have people who cares around, so that’s not my default line of thinking.
I guess that’s something I need to get accustomed to… Eh, this feels kinda nice…
…
Oh, there’s the nurse, I must thank her for letting me and Fang stay together for that long even though it was pretty late:
“Er- Miss?”
“Yes, Mr. Mous? Do you need anything?”
“I- Uh… wanted to thank you for letting us stay for that long yesterday. I imagine we were past our visit time by A LOT!”
“It seemed important. I didn’t want to interrupt. Just don’t do it too often, you need to rest.”
That’s one hell of a shining smile! This hospital isn’t so bad, I could get used to this… ok maybe not.
But yes miss, you have no idea how much it was… no idea…
…
Uuuurgh… this is getting so boring real fast…
At lest my nurse was kind enough to put my phone on my lap so that I don’t need to move my arms too much. 20%... Definitely need a charger though… possibly a long wire one.
Maybe I can text Fang and the Gang (still funny eheh!), so they can bring one next time they'll visit. I guess they’ll visit, right? I’d like that for sure…
*Click!*
“Mr. Mous? You have a visitor.”
Speak of the Devil.
“Hi Anon, how are you feeling?”
Oh, is Trish… oof, I’m still not used to this… stay cool Anon don’t make it weird.
“H-Hey Trish! I’m ok, doing gooood!”
Goddamnit I made it weird…
I can’t tell if she’s worried or just confused from her face… wait her eyes are red and puffy… did she cried before coming here?
“Yes… I did… a little… and yes you made it weird…”
Fucking mumbling…
“Trish… Are you ok?”
“Maybe… I don’t know… I’m happy that you are ok… but I can’t shake this feeling off of me…”
“What feeling?”
“That this is also my fault.”
What can I say to this? She is not completely wrong… the projector incident cemented my distorted view of everybody, at least before Fang pulled my head out of my ass!
But… is not like she did it on purpose. She couldn’t have known about my relationship with those guys… those so called “friends” … I can’t be too hard on her.
She was trying to help Fang… even though it still was kinda fucked up!
“Trish… listen… those things I told you yesterday at the phone… I still believe what I said. I’m not mad at you. And I’m not trying to guilt trip you. I swear.”
“But why?... you almost died because of me!”
“No, it wasn’t your fault… it was… well, just an unfortunate coincidence.”
“W-What do you mean?”
“Come on, I’m not gonna kill myself over some cringy photos! Sure, it was messed up and probably one of the worst days of my life… But that wasn’t why I was upset.”
“Really?”
“Yeah! Plus, that day… Uh… is also kinda one the best days of my life… since me and Fang confessed to each other when we got home… so I guess it balanced out my stress for what happened that day?”
“Oh… I didn’t know that…”
that’s definitely true from the look of her face. At least now is not sad as before.
“Ironically I should thank you for that.”
“You’re welcome…I guess…?” I must not laugh… but her face is so funny! “But… then… why did you do it?”
Oh, she probably wants to know too.
“Breaking up with Fang I’m sure would have been a shock! But not to kill yourself over! I- I mean for how long were you two together? a couple months or something like that? Whatever! It couldn’t just be that...or was it?”
“Well… it is true.” Oof… she recoiled like she got punched in the stomach…
“I knew it…”
“Trish, please… let me explain. I promise this is not your fault.”
“…. ok….”
“Well… ever since middle-school I wasn’t that good at making friends. When you are a small kid, you don’t have problems at interacting with others… but once you start to grow up things get… difficult. You feel like you need to stand out to be worthy of recognition. I feel you guys know what I’m talking about, right?”
“Yeah…”
“Me and some other guys used to do all kinds of cringy shit to be “original” and “quirky”. Basically, we were the class clowns. But it was fun.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
I kinda missed that smirk not gonna lie.
“Yeah, yeah laugh at the spear chucker all you want!”
“Don’t mind if I do, AH!”
“Typical Trigga moment…” Ignore that death glare “So… we had this Forum online where we posted weird photos, yep, those ones, and other stuff. It was cringy, but innocent fun at the end of the day.”
“So… what happened?”
“When I got to high-school… I found out some of the guys from middle-school were in my class… but they were different… like distant… I assumed it was simply because they’ve grown up or something, so I didn’t give it too much importance.”
“Oh…no…”
“I guess you figured out what happened… they still had the credentials for the Forum. Maybe they were afraid to also get bullied for their past and used me as a scapegoat. By the half of the year, it became unbearable, so I had to get away from there… and here I am.”
“That’s so fucked up! What a bunch of assholes! And they were your frien- Oh… fuck… like I’m no different…”
“That’s the thing Trish. You ARE different.”
“You are just sayin’ it to make feel better…”
“No really, I mean it!”
“How then?”
“Those pricks did it save their asses like cowards. You did it to save your friend, plus you were willing to bear the consequences. If you really wanted to flee you could have done it the moment you gave the usb to Reed. Instead, you stayed until the last moment.
If you are guilty of something, then is just for reminding me of some unpleasant moments of my life, and I forgive you for that.”
“… but no, it’s just-”
“Trish look at me. It’s super duper clear how much you care for your friends, especially Fang and you guys probably know each from a long time right?”
“About 10 year.”
“Exactly- holy crap 10 years!? Yeesh, no shit you were upset about me entering out of nowhere so easily your group!”
“I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t true… Like you I wasn’t never good at making friends… even as a kid I was too… abrasive… and even though I have my big family… I was mostly alone. Until I met Fang and Reed. They are my treasure. I was so scared of losing them and to be alone again…”
“Well, that’s also my fault… I was kinda of a dick most of the time, and despite that Fang and I got pretty close, even Reed was pretty chill with me so I can see your point. But Trish I need to say this: What you did was wrong. You are not some kind of gatekeeper! For fuck’s sake you are acting like a Dragon on a stash of gold frying everything that gets too close!”
She’s blowing steam out of her nostrils… not helping her image.
“Then what I am supposed to do!? I just want what’s best for them! For US! I know them better than-”
“TRISH!”
She snapped back to reality… oh fuck, she is crying again…
“What if you’re wrong?”
“I-… er…”
God, I can’t see her like this… well, she is close enough…
“Alright.”
“…W-what… are you doing?”
“Giving you a hug and patting your head? Isn’t it kinda obvious?”
“No! I mean… why?”
“Looked like you needed it.”
“…. y-yeah *sniff*… I do…”
…
We stayed like this for a bit. And my shirt is wet now. Yay…
Thank God Fang wasn’t around. It would have been hella awkward.
“Trish?”
“I’m ok, sorry… *sniff* for the shirt…”
Ok back to the pillow.
“Eh, don’t worry about it. Is from the hospital anyway…
So… what I meant earlier… you need to trust your friends.”
“But I do trust them!”
“Then let them make choices for themselves, don’t do it for them. Like… I don’t know, the non-binary stuff! You probably know that I don’t really believe in that, but that’s ME, and I will make the effort to not bother Fang with it, I fucked up before because I was selfish, and it won’t happen again.
BUT! The moment they feel like, if it will ever happen, that it doesn’t feel natural to them anymore and want to be called a girl again, then I will do it because is what SHE wants… and so will you.”
What the fuck Anon! since when you were this good with words?
“But… what if they get hurt? I don’t want my friends to suffer…”
“Just be there for them, help them to pull themselves up again… like you did for me, and like what are doing right now, even if it is just talking with me. You can trust me on that. You helped me PLENTY!”
I don’t know why, but I’m smiling. And seems she appreciates it.
“Y’think, skinnie?”
“Of course! Life is about how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done.”
“…”
“…”
“Did… you just quoted Pachy Balboa?”
“…maybe…”
I tried.
“God you are such a DORK! Ahahahahah!”
Eh, worth it.
“Oh, before I forget! I got you this, I thought you might need it.”
“This… is long wire phone charger... Trish… My Trigga.”
Fang apparently got sick. Probably from the stress, which is saying a lot considering how strong dino bodies are, especially pteros. She must have felt like shit… Raptor Jesus! If Reed and Trish weren’t there she would have preened for sure! Better not think about that…
Dino sicknesses usually last a couple days unless is anything serious, so she should be ok since she is at home resting. I’ll text her later to check how she is doing.
I am alone now… again… but I feel… better… like as if a huge weight was removed from my shoulder.
I am alone in this room… but I am NOT alone. There are people that care about me…
Still feels weird honestly, I already had Fang, but they felt like… “the exception that confirmed the rule.”
But after hearing how Reed and Trish reacted to my… er… “little accident” … it trashed that veil of certainty out my face. How could have been so stupid…
*BZZZZZ! -BZZZZZ! -BZZZZZ! *
INCOMING CALL - REED
“Hi Reed”
“Hey Bro, are you doing? Is nice to hear you man!”
“Is nice to hear you too bro… and I should thank you, like “build-a-statue-thank-you”. Fang told me how you basically dragged everybody to look after me.”
“Naaaaah… I don’t like statues, and don’t mention it. I was just helping a bro in need. That’s the least I could do… you are my friend after all…”
“Er… Reed what’s wrong?”
“Uh? Ah! Nothing just trying to relax a little… just MJ don’t worry, light stuff.”
“I guess you took what I asked you by heart… and sorry again for scaring you…”
“It was a promise AMIGO! To be honest I tried going cold turkey, but dude… that shit messed me up real bad pretty fast! I needed something to help me up.”
“Shit… If I can do anything to help you just ask… even though…. I’m kinda stuck here right now.”
“We can… keep talking for a bit, if you ain’t tired.”
“Sure! Gladly if it helps.”
“Thanks bro.”
…
It’s nice talking with Reed about random stuff… but I can’t keep going. I need to ask him.
“Hey Reed…”
“What’s up my dude?”
“I gotta ask… did you also tried to… y’know…”
“Uhm…? Oh… no, no never crossed my mind. I mean, I also have messed up problems… but I’ve never considered it an option.”
“Then how did you know-”
“I knew someone that…well succeeded with it.”
“Oh… I’m sorry…”
“It’s ok. It was a long time ago. I never told anyone.”
“Do you want to talk about it? … we can talk about other stuff if you don’t want. I’d understand.”
“… No, I guess it’s time to rip this band aid off… I kept it for far too long…”
“Ok… go whenever you are ready… I guess…”
“Thanks bro… let’s see… some things are foggy… but the main thing… is something I will never forget…”
Better not say anything and just listen. This is going to be hard for Reed to open about something like this.
“Near the start of high school, school wasn’t even open yet, I was hanging out with a group of guys, not close friends or anything like with Trish, Fang or you. Just some dudes, talking about shit and getting high together and playing Rock Ring online once in a while… y’know like regular stuff.
Usually, we’d meet up just to relax and don’t think about our problems. Eheh… one time the house we were in was so full of smoke that someone called the firefighters! I think they got hit a bit in the crossfire… they were giggling like crazy before they left.
That was fun…
There was this dude, Greg, I don’t know his last name, that was incredibly obsessed with conspiracy theories, like Bro, chemicals in the water, secret government projects, aliens, monsters, other dimensions… you could have asked a random thing, and he could have found some sort of secret about it.
Every time he was yapping nonstop while the rest of was stoned most of the time. But it was fun to listen to, maybe because we were both raptors it felt… like natural, y’know what I mean? Dude like… as a primal thing… I don’t know, I’m probably saying bullshit…
Anyway… you could tell how passionate he was from the way he spoke and how willing he was in describing stuff and answering all our questions, even if dumb.
But… at some point he just… started talking less frequently than how I was used to. The others didn’t even notice. Even when I asked him to talk about his stuff, he just… waved me off saying he just didn’t find anything interesting to talk about… and I believed him, and so we just kept getting high and doing random shit...
One night while I was playing Rock Ring, Greg logged in and entered the voice call. Nothing weird, usual stuff we say for shit n giggles… until… he just…started saying things… like he was sorry for bothering us with his stupid nonsense crap, that he wouldn’t blamed us if we hated him for it… and his voice was like… like he was “done” … done of everything. Just like you yesterday”
I guess this answer my question… fuck…
“After that he just said “Goodbye” and logged off. That was the last time I heard his voice.
After that he was nowhere to be found. No calls. No messages. Never showed up. Nothing.
At first, I didn’t think much about, “I guess he’s just busy!”, “simply doesn’t want to hang out”, “he was on vacation” and other excuses… always thinking about that last conversation we had.
And then I started to get worried, like bro! at least text us or answer our calls! I mean seriously! *sniff* C’mon man! I thought you were cool!”
I’ve never imagined Reed could get this upset… this is probably what Fang was talking about…
“AND THEN! LIKE OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE ONE THOSE GUYS JUST SAID THAT GREG WAS DEAD! THAT HE HANGED HIMSELF! LIKE WE WERE FUCKING TALKING ABOUT A FUCKING MOVIE THAT WAS COMING OUT!
And you know the worst part? I don’t even know why he did it. Was it a family problem? Money? Drugs? Girlfriend? or fuck even Boyfriend for how much I knew about him!
And I will never know…”
“Reed…”
“Sorry for yelling… *sniff* maybe I could have helped him… *sniff* if I was a better friend, someone to open up to… maybe…”
I’m definitely going to hug the hell out of Reed next time I see him. He is too good for this world.
“After that I stopped hanging out with those guys, and… I started with Carfe… I needed something strong to relax and numb my memory… and it did.
I almost forgot completely about it, but your phone call was like… a slap to face, a nail straight to the brain, and those feeling of uneasiness started flowing again and I knew immediately what was happening.
And… a-and…. I… I-I… *sniff* I…”
“Reed… that’s ok, I understand. Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it was hard.”
“It was *sniff*… but… I-I feel…”
“Better?”
“*Nose blowing*” …gross…” Yeah… a little bit… but yes, thanks Anon, you are a good friend.”
“If someone is a good friend, is YOU, like I said before, you are a Bro and you always were and I’m not the only one that believes that. I’m sure Fang and Trish feel the same way as I do. I love you man.”
“No homo?”
“What? I’m not good enough for you?”
“No bro, I’m scared to what Fang would do to us!”
“Fair enough.”
We both are laughing like idiots. But this is great. He needed that. And I needed to hear it.
“Let’s hangout out sometimes, even if is just the two of us.”
“~Just the two of us~”
“Bro, what was that?”
“Nothing… just Bill Withers.”
I can feel his eyes narrowing… somehow!
“Uh-hu….”
“A-anyway! Sure bro, I’d love to! We should start organizing boys’ night! We could also invite Naser sometimes if you want.”
“That sounds awesome dude! Bro nights with the bros! Sweet I can’t wait.”
“Same dude.”
The doctor said it shouldn’t take too much for me to recover. The cuts apparently weren’t too deep to damage nerves or tendons too severely, and Dino drugs are speeding up my recovery. Maybe in a couple of weeks… that would be nice. Also thank you Aaron family for paying for my bills. If you need a gardener or a butler, you can count on me! I can’t still believe Samantha convinced Ripley…
I need to thank them properly. I need, I WANT to thank everybody.
Maybe we can all hang out at Moe’s once I’ll feel better. A nice dinner all together with a nice pizza will wipe any traces of sadness. I’ll ask Moe if I could pay him later, maybe working there part-time… knowing him he would probably offer to give it to us for free. I’ll ask him anyway, a job still sound kinda nice.
Yeah, that sounds like a plan.
I’ll ask Rosa and Stella if they want to join us, I also need to be a better friend for them. I guess people can simply be nice for the sake of being nice, without any obligation. I was having fun at the gardens, even if it was detention.
Rosa will smack me in the face with her CHANCLA though once she’ll learn why I am here… and then she’ll bearhug me, probably crying saying that she is glad that I’m ok. Gotta be prepared…
…
Man, these cuts on my arms are going to make me look edgy as fuck! I need to buy some long sleeves as soon as I can, or Stella will start writing fanfictions about me…
“I am Cid KagAnon! Who fight evil in the shadows!”
I beg you, Stella, have better taste… maybe I could give her some better suggestions, I want to be a real friend with her, so I guess that’s what friends do. I’ll come out of the closet fellow weeb, but I’ll show the real shit!
Maybe Principal Spears could give us some good suggestions… I wonder…
…
Fang and the others are definitely gonna tease the fuck out of me with emo and overly sad songs, I know that for sure.
Eh, fuck it! I’ll let them, after the scare I gave them is the least I can do, and y’know what? We both can play at that game! Let’s see for how long they can stand me dressed up like a goth goblin with dark make up! I’ll even get a wig!
AH! You wanna play? let’s play!
…
I want also to talk to Naser and Naomi, with more “peaceful ideas” in mind. I really want to bury that hatchet and I feel like we all can benefit from that. Naomi may be a bitch, but I want to hear her side of the story. I saw firsthand what can be achieved by simply talking honestly… before something stupid may happen…
Maybe I’ll ask Fang if they want to join me with it.
For now, I’ll just send them a text so that they can relax a bit.
Thank Raptor Jesus my fingers work just fine! It would have been a pain in the ass to deal with.
My career as a shitposter is safe!
Even though… I think I’ll spend more time with my friends, REAL friends not just internet randos.
I owe them my life.
A: Hey, guys! Just wanted to say that I’m feeling a lot better already! How about a little party as soon I’m out of here?
R: Hell yeah! DUDE! We have to Partheeeeeeee
T: You bet Spear chucker! I’m happy you are doing well *fist emoji* beers on you though!
F: You better stay away from alcohol Dweeb >:V
A: Yes MOOOOOM!
F: Fuck off *middlefinger emoji* <3
Yep. I love them.