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Got any grapes?

Summary:

Lucifer discovers The Duck Song.

 

that's it that's the story

Notes:

I wrote this on my phone and did not edit it from my laptop so the formatting might be off, but it's a crack fic so who really cares lmao

enjoy

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Technology was confusing. For a being as old as he was, one would think he would be used to adapting. But he wasn't. Humans invented new technologies so quickly that there was no time to adapt (he was barely competent at using a cell phone and that was solely so Charlie could contact him). So when he moved into Charlie's hotel he had to learn quickly how to use the internet and computers.

 

Charlie had shown him how to use the devices, control the mouse and type on the keyboard. It was slow going, but he was learning. Some of the sinners had laughed at him, calling him a "boomer" (who knows what that is) but he wouldn't allow it to affect him. He was going to learn how to use a computer whether they liked it or not, father damn it!

Learning anything about technology, however was a complete and utterly mistake, he would soon learn. The internet was designed to draw your attention. It was made to keep you entertained. Keep clicking because as long as you kept scrolling they made money. Who was they? Lucifer didn't know, but boy were they making bank from him and his scrolling.

At first it was just to practice the skills so that Charlie would be proud of his efforts. After the first few hours of practice? It became an addiction. He would click link after link, going from one thing to the next in a dizzy whirlwind of consumption. He had been quoted many, many times saying that the television would "rot tour brain" but the internet was worse.

Things got worse when discovered google. He was no longer on some website Charlie selected for him. The world, so to speak, was simply a search away. And so he typed what any (not) self respecting grown fallen angel would do and wrote into the search bar "can I see some ducks please and thank you?" and moved the mouse over to the search button.

In less than a second thousands of images, websites, and videos appeared. Every single one of them related to the ducks that he so adored. And this began his next doom scroll.

All was going well. He went from one result to the next, practically kicking his feet at the giddiness all of precious little birds he was seeing. He even discovered that some people made music relating to ducks!

He clicked on a video called "The Duck Song."

It started out with some pleasant little "bum bum bums" before it moved into the real lyrics. It appeared to be a song about a duck who wanted some grapes! It was fantastic!

Lucifer watched the video to the end and was pleasantly caught off guard by the punchline. When the duck had said lemonade would make its day? He had laughed loud enough to startle awake KeeKee who had been sleeping next to him while he browsed.

He replayed the video.

 

Lucifer couldn't tell you how many times he had watched that song, but he knew that it was practically carved into his brain at this point. It combined two of his favorite things: ducks and comedy! The video was perfect! He had to show Charlie!

Going down to the lobby to find her and show her the video he passed the bar. Husk was sitting there, looking bored out of his mind. He stared deadeyed at the wall across the room. He was barely even blinking. But it was fine, because Lucifer knew exactly how to cheer him up!

Lucifer walked towards the bar, suppressing his grin. He couldn't allow Husk to see what he was up to, after all that would ruin the joke.

He pulled the stool out and climbed onto it. He propped an elbow on the bar and rested his head on his hand, doing his best impression of a bored customer.

Husk turned to him without a word, giving him a blank stare as if waiting for Lucifer to say anything.

Lucifer let out a small sigh and began to speak, "Hey..... Got any grapes?"

Notes:

idk this concept lived in my head rent free for like three weeks and then I finally wrote it and I think it's hysterical so I hope yall enjoyed