Chapter Text
Lilith: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.
Lucifer: You're like 15 years old
Lilith: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!
Lilith: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise
Lucifer: I beg to differ
Lilith: Then Beg
Lilith: You kill people for money?!
Lucifer: I can explain!
Lilith: And all this time I’ve been doing it for free like a chump!
Lilith: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Lucifer: *chugs entire bottle*
Lucifer: It’s perfume.
Lilith: You're right.
Lucifer: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?
Lilith: Change is inedible.
Lucifer: Don't you mean inevitable?
Lilith, spitting out coins: No, I did not.
Lilith: i went through an entire character arc during quarantine
Lilith: i became more evil if you’re curious
Lucifer: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still!
Lilith: i’m going to get worse on purpose
Lucifer: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Lilith: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Lucifer: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.
Lilith: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.
*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*
Lucifer: *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.
Lucifer: Oh, just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Lilith:
Lilith: Lilith, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Lucifer: *Sips coffee from bowl*