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It all started with a kiss. A drunken one, at that. And if Alhaitham could go back in time he'd make sure Kaveh's lips never touched his own that night.
-
The first time, they were at a random party, one his roommate had been invited to, and he was naturally dragged along.
As he pushed the blondie against the door, he smiled into the warm, tender kiss the two exchanged. If his younger self could see him now, tongue in his childhood crush’s mouth, (whom he'd been hung up about for years) he'd probably pinch himself.
Kaveh was stunning like this. His breaths were quick and short, and his crimson eyes looked at Alhaitham with so much love, love he'd never seen someone show him before.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" The boy smiled, his slender hands gently petting Alhaitham's silver locks.
He definitely wanted this. He wanted to be with Kaveh, and love him as much as his heart could love. "I'm sure. I promise."
. . .
And if anyone asked him, he'd probably never be able to explain the bliss of being in Kaveh's sweet embrace afterwards, gently holding him and stroking his hair until he gently fell asleep. The way he looked, peacefully sleeping, was just so.. naturally beautiful to him. As a warm smile fell upon his face, he closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep.
-
The next morning, he woke up to a loud rustling. He groaned, placing his hand over his eyes to shield him from the bright sun that bathed the room.
There was his roommate, shining in the orange and yellow hues, hair falling gently on his shoulders.
"Oh.. you're awake! I was just getting ready, and then we can head home and-" Kaveh was interrupted by Alhaitham's arms gently around him. "Ah.."
His scent was beautiful, he was beautiful. He didn't think he could truly express that enough.
"Can we do this again..?" Alhaitham's ears perked up. 'This?' "Like, hookup."
Hookup? A puzzled expression hit his face. That's what this was?
.. He must've been foolish. Foolish to truly think there were any feelings behind that encounter. Well.. maybe there were, on Alhaitham's part.. but.. Kaveh had really only seen this as a quick thing. A thing between two people who had zero commitment towards eachother. Right? Was he overthinking this?
Either way... stupid or not, he knew he wanted this. One more time couldn't hurt, right? Just a one time thing. Then, he'd establish feelings. Right.
"Sure."
-
The second time was a mistake, probably far worse than their first encounter. It was late out, and the two of them and Tighnari had all agreed on going out for drinks and catch up.
They hadn't ordered anything too strong. Alhaitham wasn't much of a drinker anyways, and Kaveh had only agreed to keep the alcohol to a minimum because he was the only one who could drive the two back home afterwards. The scholar wasn't quite sure why he trusted someone like him with his life on the way home, but he supposed he'd be okay.
Hours flew by from laughter and chatter. It was all relaxing, until Kaveh began to get closer and closer to Alhaitham until they were basically hugging. Was his roommate always a clingy drunk?
And soon enough, Kaveh had dismissed them, grabbed a hotel room, and kissed Alhaitham until he was dizzy. It was a lot stranger this time. It certainly wasn't like the first time they'd hooked up. This time, he'd studied all Kaveh's actions, words, emotions.. all of it. They all seemed affectionate, loving even. So what was Alhaitham missing? He had to love him back, right? He had to. Otherwise, why would this beautiful man, have a one time thing with someone like him? The boy could probably get anyone he wanted.. so unless there was some kind of attachment, Alhaitham would've been kicked out of the bedroom by now.
And the morning after, the same question left his lover's lips. "Want to do this again?" He smiled as he said this. It was the kind of smile that left you unsure, one you really couldn't read. Which.. certainly did not add to the dilemma.
"I'd like that."
"No attachments though, okay? This is just.. a casual thing. Something to keep us busy."
Something to keep them busy. He felt something within him stir. And even so, he nodded, and the cycle continued.
-
Each and every time he'd wake up next to Kaveh, the boy would always remind him it wasn't serious. Just a small thing. Just a hookup. No emotions.
And every time, it pained Alhaitham. Were they truly just screwing around on the side, when so much other stuff was happening? The way Kaveh looked at him, the way their hands brushed in public, the way they were basically inseparable. These mannerisms couldn't all be just because Kaveh likes the way they fuck, right?
Was it truly just casual, if they fell asleep in each other's arms each night? Was it truly just something to occupy them if the blond would utter confessions as they made love? Alhaitham didn't just want this. He wanted more, he wanted to be with Kaveh without having to ask to have sex. He wanted to kiss Kaveh's soft lips outside the bedroom, to hold him close as they read and watched shows on the couch. To lay awake at night and listen to endless rambles about art and modern architecture, and he'd listen to every word because he adored the way his roommate spoke so passionately about things he loves. He wish Kaveh spoke about him that way to others. Did he? When people asked if they were a couple, did he silently smile to himself, or did he shrug, and frown? When people asked if they were close would he still say they weren't even friends, just simple acquaintances?
-
It was another night, like all the rest they'd been together. He was laid next to the blond in his bed, the room dimly lit, crimson red eyes staring back at him.
"Kaveh.. would.. would you ever think of us as something more than.. friends with benefits?"
A small silence. He felt the glares on him.
"Alhaitham, I told you-"
"Yes, no attachments. I know. But.. just.. hypothetically."
It took a while for an answer. He understood. He did the same thing, having to piece a conversation together before being able to say anything because he always worried he might not mean what comes out his mouth. But he felt an uneasy feeling the more the silence grew.
A small rustling, and he'd sat up.
"I.. I don't know, Alhaitham. I'm just.. not really looking for that kind of commitment right now. That's why I'm doing this with you. It's something we can both do and feel good about after because we don't have anything to lose. Haha, does.. that make sense?"
Ah.
He wasn't one for dramatics. But.. that hurt. Somewhere in him.
So, it really wasn't anything serious. They were just gonna do this, over and over until Kaveh found someone he wanted something serious with, and he'd say farewell to Alhaitham, and he'd watch as the only person he'd really ever loved found someone else.
It was fine.. really.
"Yeah. Me too."
-
He felt like he was living a double life. By day, him and Kaveh were nothing but two roommates who barely spoke because of an old fallout. And.. by night, he was just a "casual" hookup for him.
Would they ever be anything more than that?