Chapter Text
Kaiser threw open the door, a resounding echo reverberating through the room in response, making Ness simultaneously glad he wasn’t sleeping and frustrated that something inevitably Yoichi-related would interrupt his alone time. That’s how it had been since they came to Blue Lock, anyway—Yoichi just seemed to come up in all their conversations now—and at first, Ness couldn’t stand it.
It started with football complaints. Kaiser would point out how Yoichi did this and that wrong and how he’d never reach his level if he kept showing such terrible performances. There were rants about how Yoichi kept snapping back at him, and it was altogether undignified, in Ness’ opinion. And then somewhere down the line, Ness realized Kaiser had shifted into complaining about Yoichi as a person. Or more like ranting about how Yoichi acted or about some things he did, which really should’ve been a dead give away by then.
‘Yoichi should really stop lifting his shirt like that’ when he was trying to wipe away sweat during practice. Ness had ignored this because seemingly everything about Yoichi annoyed Kaiser, and he was trying to focus on the flexibility drills.
‘Yoichi always smells like vanilla, I didn’t know they had scented shampoos here’, and that one, surprisingly, didn’t even set off any bells in Ness’ brain. He had been curious about the lack of actually good hair care products, so they spent the next half hour debating how healthy the Blue Lock endorsed care products were. It felt normal and nostalgic, like they were back in their early training days, tired and dumb and talking about nothing, so he forgot all about Kaiser’s odd comment about Yoichi’s scent.
‘Why is Yoichi always so nice to them- especially that fake hero? Doesn’t he hate him?’ Ness had looked over to see Yoichi attempting to reach out to the emotionally-unavailable orange-haired guy, offering him a full bottle of water with a wide smile. He was rambling on and on about something while the orange-haired giant just sat there with his towel over his head and ears and looking at the ground forlornly like he’d rather be anywhere else.
It was only the next week when he was suddenly hit with the revelation that his best friend might be a bit obsessed with the Blue Lock poster boy and began compiling mental evidence that he realized how strange Kaiser had been acting.
Ness, in the beginning, asked himself bitterly what was so special about that novice anyway. Granted, he’s still endlessly annoyed by Kaiser’s crises but more so because they cut into his time looking at football videos. And it was basically the same rant every time. About how Yoichi should pay more attention to him, how he was so much better than all his other friends, so clearly, Yoichi should look up to him, how he wished once that Yoichi would praise him, all the same delusional talk. Ness, as always, accepted Kaiser’s new obsession and allowed him the safe space to vent, but this was not productive, and he was getting very, very frustrated. It wasn’t like Kaiser to not face his problems head on and ignore them like this. Which led him to the conclusion that not only was his best friend very gay and obsessed, he was also stupid.
Kaiser paced in front of him, and Ness sighed, trying to hide his rolling eyes by closing his eyes and turning his phone off. “Yoichi again?”
At his prompting, Kaiser practically exploded, his face turning a concerning shade of pink. Concerning because even Ness, who everyone considered to be the closest to Kaiser (currently, he reminded himself, thinking of a certain poster boy), had never seen such an expression on his face. “He’s so-” Kaiser grabbed a nearby pillow, presumably screamed into it, then started repeatedly banging it into the bed. Ness was dumbfounded, mouth wide open and jaw dropped because when had Kaiser ever acted like a starstruck high school girl? “Fucking confusing!” He finished, releasing the poor pillow to limply flop back onto the bed, now with considerably less life, and collapsing himself onto the bed facefirst.
Ness hesitantly got up and pushed his shoulder assessingly. “Are you still alive?” At Kaiser’s resulting groan, Ness grabbed the pillow and smacked him with it. In the end, Ness was still the one who understood Kaiser best, and even if he would do anything and borderline be a horrible person for him, he still knew when Kaiser needed more than just an obedient follower. Their relationship was weird, even to themselves, but Ness had never wished it to be anything less or more. “Then stop being dramatic and explain!”
Kaiser pushed himself up, his cheeks still painted with red but a considerably less noticeable shade. Ness patiently waited for Kaiser to process his thoughts. “He keeps-” Kaiser took a breath, a small frown on his lips. “Recently,” he started again, gesturing wildly with his hand. “He gives me these looks.”
“Looks?” Ness questioned, playing into his role for this stage as a listener.
Kaiser huffed. “Like…” He turned to Ness and apparently gave him his best impression of Yoichi’s recent expressions. His eyelids drooped down slightly and his lips twitched up on one side into a smaller version of his signature smirk. Through his eyelashes, he made direct, unwavering eye contact with Ness, who was trying to imagine such a look on Yoichi and was subsequently failing. “That.” Kaiser dropped his now lost-looking face back down into the sheets. “What does that even mean?!”
Ness hummed, still failing to imagine Yoichi giving Kaiser, of all the people who were infatuated with him, bedroom eyes. “Are you sure that’s exactly what Yoichi did?”
“Yes!” Kaiser shrieked defensively and rather uncharacteristically, shooting up and grabbing Ness by the shoulders. Ness acted like a limp noodle as Kaiser shook him frantically. “And today, he even got all close and said something, but how am I supposed to focus on anything Yoichi says when he looks at me like that?!”
Ness stared at Kaiser, unimpressed. If it didn’t interfere with football, he usually let Kaiser do whatever he wanted and complain to him even if he was annoyed, but this seriously was pathetic. It had been weeks, and he’d tiptoed around the idea with Kaiser—that he might like Yoichi more than most people—but clearly, he wasn’t taking the hint, and Ness needed to be more straightforward. “Sounds like you two just need to fuck.”
Kaiser released him and sat normally, finally, on the bed. “No!” He looked horrified by the thought. Hm, maybe Ness needed to be a little less straightforward. “No, how does that even- there’s no way I’m attracted to-” Kaiser cut himself off as if he couldn’t even bring himself to say that he was not attracted to Yoichi because in that same sentence, he would have to say the words ‘I’m attracted to Yoichi’. Ness sighed, wishing for patience. He didn’t get paid enough to deal with this. In fact, he didn’t get paid to deal with Kaiser outside of football at all. Not even Ness himself knows why he keeps putting up with these rants.
“Ok fine, you’re not attracted to Yoichi. Then, obviously,” Ness drawled sarcastically. “He’s just trying to rile you up and one-up you.”
Kaiser hummed, thinking a bit too seriously about his response. “One-up me?” He shot out of the bed and his eyes glimmered like he had found the solution to all his problems. Which- no, he had not, that idiot! “Oh, I get it.” Ness paled. That was not what he wanted to get across to Kaiser at all—he was being sarcastic!
“Wait- I was just-”
“I know what to do now.” Kaiser quickly straightened out the sheets, fluffed the pillow, and laughed, humming excitedly. “Thanks, Alexis.”
And he was gone before Ness could clarify that he wasn’t being serious when he said Yoichi was trying to rile him up. The guy was way too oblivious to use flirting to his advantage, despite the fact that it would work for him 98% of the time, going based off of the dozens of simps he had in the facility.
Well, Ness sighed, cosying back up in his blankets and opening his phone to the video he was watching. It’s not my problem anymore. He paused and stared at the bed Kaiser just gleefully re-did before skipping out, wondering if he should write Yoichi a formal apology letter for whatever scheme Kaiser was plotting. Nah, he’ll be fine. Good luck, Yoichi.
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Kaiser rushed back out to a private practice field, where Yoichi and his friends were doing passing drills. Practically stumbling in, he straightened himself up at their curious, hostile stares. He stalked out to the group with a comically intense look on his face, his strides long and purposeful. Before anyone could question his odd behavior, he stopped in front of Yoichi and leaned over him in a way that he hoped was somewhat intimidating and flirtatious at the same time.
Yoichi, that little brat, simply looked up at him through his lashes and tilted his head to the side questioningly. In the face of such a distracting… dastardly tactic, Kaiser almost forgot what he went there to do. Yoichi’s eyelashes were unbelievably long and his eyes practically shone from this angle. The deep blue was hypnotic, and unlike his own bright eye color, he felt he could look at Yoichi’s eyes for hours on end without feeling tired or wanting to look away. His lips were small and bowed, and Kaiser almost gulped at the sight of Yoichi licking his lips nervously. They were shiny and unconsciously, Kaiser found himself leaning in even more. Yoichi startled and instinctively took a step back. Kaiser realized he might’ve spent too much time staring at Yoichi. He cleared his throat.
“Yoichi, I know what you’re doing,” he accused. Yes, this arrogant brat was trying to shock him with Kaiser’s own tactics! The nerve! As if he’d be affected by such things from Yoichi. No way.
Yoichi had the gall to look confused, titling his head even more, and Kaiser almost slapped himself for thinking it was cute. He only thought it was cute in the way that humans thought cats were cute. Because Yoichi was clearly beneath him. Fuck, and now he was thinking of Yoichi beneath him. He could feel his cheeks getting hot again—he had to get out of here.
“... What the fuck are you talking-”
“-And I accept. Prepare yourself,” Kaiser rushed out, sending him one last warning glare before high-tailing it out of there. He needed to leave before he started thinking about fucking Yoichi and his thin little waist- fuck! This was all Yoichi’s fault!
——————
Kaiser pulled up the browser on his phone and stared at it, wondering if he was really going to do something so depressing as to look up how to flirt. Ultimately, his obsessive desire to win won out, and he hit search.
The door opened automatically. Kaiser’s head shot up, meeting eyes with Ness. He sighed in relief and returned to his research. Ness scrunched up his face, reacting to Kaiser’s odd behavior and walked over, hovering behind him to read the tab on his phone.
He scoffed in disbelief and perhaps a bit in disgust. “That’s pathetic. Do you really need to search it up? You do it all the time.”
“I do?” Kaiser asked, his head shooting up in shock. “What do I do?” He jumped out of his bed to interrogate Ness, grabbing him by the shoulders.
Ness gave him an unimpressed smile, pushing his frantic hands off him. “Maybe you should look it up.” He walked to his bed, took his hairbrush, and left Kaiser to stew in his thoughts.
Without Ness to keep his head straight, Kaiser went down the rabbit hole.
How to flirt
How to flirt with a Japanese guy
How to flirt with a Japanese guy but I don’t want to date him
How to flirt with a Japanese guy but I don’t want to date him and I’m just trying to win a flirting battle
Ness finally came back to their room to Kaiser slumped over his bed oddly, his phone open to the notes app with a bunch of small question marks instead of actual notes. Ness stared blankly at the phone, wondering if he should just leave Kaiser to suffocate in the bedding. Instead, he decided to be a good friend and poke Kaiser. “Hey, how was your internet surfing?”
Kaiser groaned, pulling at his hair. “All I got from hours of research is that Japanese guys like to go for what they want and if you want to flirt with them you should ‘quiet down.’” Kaiser gave him a look as if to say ‘does it look like I would ever shut up for Yoichi?’ “I mean- me? Quiet down? They’ve got to be joking.”
Ness patiently watched as Kaiser pulled up the website to show him the damning words ‘quiet down’, which he thought was rather funny, but he kept quiet for the sake of Kaiser’s sanity.
“They also said to give genuine compliments and be kind to flirt. That can’t be right—I’ve never seen people flirt like that,” Kaiser practically whined, frowning at his screen as he read yet another how to flirt website.
Ness couldn’t be bothered to tell Kaiser that he should just continue to do whatever he normally does, and he lived for the chaos so he just said, “I don’t know, Michael. Maybe you should try doing what the websites said. Maybe that’ll sweep him off his feet. You never know with the Japanese.”
“I’m not trying to sweep him off his feet!” Kaiser protested as if he was personally offended by such an accusation. “I’m just trying to make him…” He trailed off as he tried to figure out just what exactly it was that he was trying to do. Ness was yet again very unimpressed. “It’s… I’m going to out-flirt him and make him admit that I’m better.”
“… So you’re going to make him do that, how exactly?”
“Well… I’m going to flirt until he feels too embarrassed to continue, and then I’ll win.”
“… So you’re going to sweep him off his feet. Ok.” Ness sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose in frustration. “I swear, how did you two even come up with this? How did he even agree? What the fuck goes on in your brains?”
Kaiser suspiciously didn’t respond to that, so Ness spared him a glance and saw the almost guilty expression on his face. He leveled the striker with a blank glare. “You’re going to tell me exactly what happened. What kind of thing did you get yourself into?”
Kaiser reluctantly sat up and explained how they never actually clarified anything, and Ness really wanted to stick the nearest knife in his ear so he didn’t have to hear this nonsense ever again. Nonetheless, he was stuck with his idiot friend and his bad decisions and a Yoichi that probably didn’t even know what the fuck was going on.
But Ness wasn’t paid enough for this even with his large salary, so he just sighed. “Just follow the website’s advice, Michael—It’s not like you’re bad at flirting anyway. Just be yourself, and you’ll be fine.” Somehow, he felt like he was a mother getting ready to send her only child out on their first date.
Kaiser continued to mope on his bed, which Ness was getting tired of, so he mistakenly blurted out, “Ah well, you know there’s specific, like, Japanese things that you can try out. I’ve read about a few… things.”
He popped up out of the fluffy covers, a little bit of hope shining in his eyes. “Teach me, Alexis,” he pleaded with unconvincing puppy eyes, probably from never having done them successfully before. Ness decided to take pity on him, and he gave Kaiser a term to look up. The man took it with unbridled glee in his expression, eyes as bright as a kid’s on Christmas. Ness looked on apathetically.
If Yoichi was scarred by this experience, he would like to put on the record that it was not his fault. Well, not entirely at least.
——————
The next day at practice, Isagi couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being watched. And sure enough, every time he glanced over at the offending player, they didn’t have enough shame to look away or break eye contact. Isagi wasn’t one for prolonged, awkward , silent eye contact, so he left Kaiser to his staring and tried his very best to practice with his teammates while he braved the heavy gaze of his onlooker. If Isagi knew anything about Kaiser, and he hoped he did after so much time being harassed by him, he would say that the man had a rather contemplative expression as his eyes trailed after him. He also knew that if something was bothering Kaiser about Isagi, it would be sooner rather than later that the guy would act on it. Keyword being act because the idiot would prefer death over actually talking things out when he didn’t want to or wasn’t ready.
So he let Kaiser stalk him with his eyes all practice, bearing the weight of his stare and dealing with the questioning looks from his Blue Lock teammates. His performance in practice was subpar today, as his mind kept wandering to the bastard watching him relentlessly as he practiced shooting drills. The asshole was distracting him with his horrible persistent staring, and Isagi couldn’t focus on the ball in front of him. He knew this would have something to do with the odd confrontation they had yesterday, but for the life of him, Isagi just couldn’t say what it was about. If he was right though, he’d find out what sort of thing he accidentally challenged Kaiser to soon.
As practice was winding down, Isagi ran to the side of the field to grab his water bottle with Hiori and Kurona, ignoring the gaze that had somehow gotten heavier and more intense as time went on. He was honestly kind of scared. Did he unknowingly challenge a German to a death match or something? Because he knows he stands a chance against Kaiser in football—more than just a chance actually—but in a fight, he’s pretty sure Kaiser can knock him out in a few blows. He’s not dumb—he’s just seen the way Kaiser can use those muscles in the weight room, and it’s scary that he could genuinely see Kaiser being able to snap him in half based off of the way he was throwing around hundreds of pounds of weights like they were ragdolls.
Unbeknownst to Isagi, his friends were subtly trying to warn him of a certain German stalking closer to them with terrifying intensity and swift movements. However, Isagi continued wondering if somehow he just signed up for his death without even knowing how he did it.
SLAM!
The sound echoed loudly across the training field, bringing everyone’s eyes to the side of the room. Transfixed as they were, they would be able to hear a pin drop in the corner of the room—that’s how deathly silent it was.
Momentarily stunned by the sudden hand on his chest pushing him harshly into the wall and the dull pain from the impact, Isagi didn't react or lash out as he usually might’ve. But his reaction was even more delayed by the fact that Kaiser was close. They were physically closer than they’d ever been before, and that was saying a lot.
Isagi noticed that his eyes looked much brighter from this close and shone with the lights from the field. They were dazzling; like stars in the sky, their beauty was otherworldly. Framed by the blazing heat of his red eyeliner, Kaiser’s eyes made him think of a kitsune—this revelation that he thought Kaiser’s eyes were pretty took over his mind. Embarrassingly, after such an arresting thought, all he could do was stand there and stare at the stars that lit up the scope of his vision for those few moments. He wanted them to focus on him only and shine for him alone.
“How disappointing.”
Kaiser’s voice was startlingly close to him, his face nearing ever closer to Isagi’s. His hands were caging him in, giving him no route to escape, but Isagi was thankfully catapulted out of his fascinated staring by his bleak words.
“Your shots today have been absolutely abysmal,” Kaiser whispered because he didn’t need to raise his volume any more than that for Isagi to hear him from this distance away. He could feel himself recovering from the shock of a sudden kabedon at the words this asshole was spouting. “You’re going to need to do much more than that to be able to catch up to me, Yoichi.”
Just as Isagi was about to protest and call Kaiser a slew of words that should probably be redacted on the Blue Lock TV episodes, Kaiser’s hand reached out to caress the column of his neck, trailing gingerly up the path to his jaw and finally gently settling at his chin. Yoichi looked at the offending hand in shock as it traveled up his tingling skin. Contrasting the previous treatment, Kaiser’s fingers dug into his skin, pulling his head up to meet his eyes again and grabbing him in a fierce, unrelenting hold.
“But… your dribbling has improved a bit. You’re finally getting the feel for your metavision, and your ability to read the game is really quite impressive—you might be able to give me a proper fight before I crush you.”
However, Isagi heard basically nothing after Kaiser started praising him. Kaiser? Was praising. Him? What sort of thing did he start?
His heart hammered in his chest so loudly, he was certain Kaiser could hear it—or he could feel it, as his hand was still gripping his chin. The praise seemed to muddle his brain until all he could hear running through his head was how Kaiser had said he was impressive. Kaiser was practically allergic to complimenting anyone other than himself, so to hear this from him was akin to being hit by a truck filled with praise. Surprising and also very impossible because praise isn’t a tangible thing for a truck to be filled with. Nonetheless, Isagi could feel the blood rushing to his face, probably giving him a shamefully bright shade of red on his cheeks. His vision and senses were dazed as all he could see and hear were Kaiser and his expression when he said he was impressive. Even if Kaiser didn’t mean it, Isagi would be remembering that for the rest of his life for sure.
“I’ll still win, though, of course. Keep growing, Yoichi.”
After possibly giving him the shock of his life, Kaiser pulled back with a small smirk on his lips and walked away. Isagi stared at the water bottle in his hands that had been left forgotten with Kaiser’s dramatic entrance. What the fuck.
Kaiser’s words finally registered, encouraging Isagi to stare reproachfully at the guy’s back. Though he felt somewhat off kilter at his gesture, he regained his footing and felt a familiar annoyed sensation fill him. “Hah? You shitty emperor- I’ll devour you first!”
Kaiser half turned around to raise an eyebrow at him. A wider smirk crossed his face, and Isagi could tell something unsavory would come out of his mouth. “How vulgar, Yoichi. We’re on camera. At least make sure we’re alone before saying such shameless things.”
Isagi could feel his blush extending to every inch of his skin. The heat was unbearable. He wanted nothing more than to pour his ice cold water all over himself. Despite the embarrassing color on his face, he managed to shriek back, “F-fuck you! Look who’s talking!”
The murmurs rose in volume with the return of their usual banter, and Isagi turned away to join his friends, not wanting to engage with the crazy striker any more.
Hiori was laughing hysterically as Isagi walked up to them. Isagi shot him an angry glare and crossed his arms. “This is all your fault, Hiori,” he huffed, his skin still burning with shame.
“Didn’t I tell ya it’d work? Ya owe us 3300 yen,” Hiori snickered, gesturing to himself and Yukimiya who was also barely concealing his glee at winning the bet.
“Fuck you guys. How was I supposed to know he’d react like that? Also doesn’t it not really count because he thinks it’s some sort of competition?”
“Unfair, unfair,” Kurona chimed in, also trying to save his wallet from the rigged attack. Isagi grinned at the two, knowing Kurona was on his side. “How’s Isagi supposed to know Kaiser’s obsessed with him?”
He takes that back—Kurona was just as dead to him as the other two. He sends them all a particularly deadly glare. “I hate you all.”
Ignoring him, they all nodded amongst themselves. “Yer right. They’re both idiots. I just used my forbidden knowledge to profit. Simple business tactics.”
Isagi scowled and threw his water bottle at Hiori’s head, who swiftly dodged with laughter bubbling out of him. “Fuck you!”
Yukimiya chuckled, catching his water bottle and throwing it back to him, ignoring Hiori’s rushed out ‘don’t give him more ammunition!’
“Technically, Isagi, the bet was just that he’d do something in response to you. Doesn’t really matter that he thinks it’s a competition. Pay up,” Yukimiya evenly explained, holding out his hand mockingly.
Isagi sank to the ground in defeat, pulling at his hair. “Fuck- All I did was bat my eyes at him. Everyone here’s crazy.”
Kurona leaned into his shoulder consolingly. “Obsessed obsessed.”
Hiori giggled, clearly enjoying Isagi’s suffering. “Ya know, yer gonna hafta do something about this… competition.”
“Fuck.”