Work Text:
Sunshine.
Birds chirping.
Golden.
Toey was slumping on his chair, carefully his eyes observing the canvas in front of him, a half sketch of a city with some slanted lines, smudge around the shadows made by shading.
Silence. He was alone in the room with no sound other than his breathing, rays of afternoon sun coming from one of the windows in the corner, but Toey didn't notice it.
Toey was so focused on his sketch, ready to erase any trifling mistake and thinking of how to start again after the little break of the sandwich he had bought from the canteen in the afternoon. It was stale and cold when he ate it.
He wanted his art to be perfect, not perfect as in with no mistakes, perfect like it touches your heart, like you stare and then transport into nothingness, in the same way Q's paintings does, enrapturing the viewer in a pleasure similar to a cocoon.
Don't get Toey wrong, he loves art but not so much to sit in the campus alone and complete his work when he can lay on his comfy bed daydreaming about his and P'Q marriage.
He was only here for Q, he wanted him to be proud of Toey, he was still feeling guilty about the assignment he had requested Q to do. He had worked hard, practiced day and night to get admission in this university, to follow P'Q and his passion. And if he can't even do that when he comes this long on the way, he would just become a passionless person with no goals, no hobbies, nothing.
He would return to where he stood once.
He was lucky to get such an amazing boyfriend and such a group of friends that not only didn't judge him for being so childish and weird but also loved him a lot.
When he was in high school, his classmates often made fun of him and called names. He knows that he acts childish, he wasn't mature nor serious like other of his classmates. His emotions flowed like a lazy river, smoothly, not stopping from any stones in the middle of it, sometimes coming out strong as current, sometimes slow as glacier.
He couldn't hide his expressions, his emotions even if his life depended upon it. His emotions float like a piece of log in the middle of the ocean, aloof, undisturbed, never stopping.
He didn't know how many hours passed, his hands calloused, black due to graphite with sore back and aching neck. He stood up from his seat and observed the sketch on the canvas, it was exactly what he wanted. He smiled, taking a deep breath and then exhaled.
He was truly exhausted.
He stretched his neck and then back and twisted his body, trying to loosen his stiff muscles.
Toey put everything in their place and started walking through the hallway taking the stairs towards the exit, but instead of a happy smile, his lips fell in a perfect pout.
It was raining.
Big droplets of water were falling on the soft green grass, with beautiful sounds. The soft petals of flowers and the leaves of the trees all are wet with tiny drops of water collected on them.
Toey had the habit of putting all his attention on place and even though it was a good thing and it helped him in completing his art pieces and work, sometimes it was bad too. He was sure he was the only one that remained in the campus and it was sad. He didn't bring his car nor did he have his umbrella.
He stood there waiting for the rain to slow but alas! It was only getting faster and faster.
Toey's back slumped with a sigh, “Do Toey now need to go home in the rain?” He thinks. But to his surprise a small voice called him. And he knows that voice very much, how can he not, he dreamed of that sweet, honey dripping voice for years. He can even hear it in his mind. His P'Q voice. He can't help but feel giddy that he is now Q's boyfriend.
“Nong Toey, What're you doing here this late?” Q asked and Toey felt a sense of deja vu hitting him, it was months ago maybe when Q asked him that same question but that time it was a little more late than now and they were not boyfriends also:)
“P'Q you're also here, Toey was doing his assignment. Toey was worried that he was alone here. Toey didn't bring his umbrella.”
Q shakes his head and flicks his forehead gently, “So careless”, Toey pouts harder rubbing where Q just flicked.
“P'Q, it hurts.”
“Ah, ah, let me see.” Q put his both hands on Toey's cheeks and kissed his forehead where he just flicked. Toey lips instantly curled into a smile, and Q grinned at Toey, one of those which Toey thought of as a garden of sunflowers blooming or of dandelions swaying, dancing in the wind with gentle breeze.
“Don't worry.” Toey watched as Q took out an black umbrella from his backpack and opened it, shaking it gently. He then smiled at Toey and put his hands out.
Toey grins, taking his hand, intertwining their fingers together hoping he could hold these beautiful hands for the rest of their lives.
“My boyfriend is so cute.”
“Only cute?” Q chided, raising his eyebrow.
Toey gave him a cheeky grin and put his lips on Q's cheeks, sniffing him a little “My boyfriend is the cutest na.”
Q smiled, squeezing Toey's hands a little. Toey can see how much Q had changed and honestly he was happy that Q was happy and finally able to open up. He wanted to give everything Q ever needs, he wanted him to be happy. No matter if they are dating or not. It didn't matter.
They stepped into the water when Q asked if Toey wanted to go to his house as he was alone and Q's parents also seems to went to work and honestly it felt like one of his dreams where he thought of being Q's boyfriend and spend time with him and dared to say have se-
Toey felt his back of the neck heating up, “Don't think these stupid things.” he mentally scolded himself.
Toey glanced up to see Q was already looking at him with a soft smile, Toey feels a little shy but instead of anything else he reached out and pinch Q's soft cheeks, Q was truly most beautiful, so pretty with his wavy hair, beautiful hands and two small curve on both side of his upper lip while smiling.
Toey came out of daze when he heard Q's chuckle after flicking Toey's forehead for millionth of times and if speaking truth Toey was glad that Q only does this to him and not anyone else, he wanted to be special for Q.
“Nong, you're daydreaming even in this heavy rain. Let's go inside.”
…
…..
Toey fumbled, rolling the tee Q had given him with his hands. Yes, Q had given him clothes, it was raining rather heavily and Toey's jeans and one side of his arms were wet. Now Toey can die happily.
He was sure that his mind and body would burst and he would pop some of his blood vessels with how nervous he was, currently sitting on Q's bed was already haunting him with lewd images he had only seen in his wet dreams. “Yuck Toey, stop being such a pervert.” He swatted himself on his head.
He tried to take his mind out of this situation by taking a look at his boyfriend's room. Toey stood up and looked around.
As expected Q's room was full of paintings, old and new, that he had seen Q working on in the campus. There was a painting of an old car similar to the one in the living room Toey had seen but that painting was a large one, done on F100 and it was more oldish while the one here was new. And Toey felt that this painting was not what he would associate Q with.
[Canvas size F100 1,620×1,300mm.]
“This painting was when I was trying to experience what my grandpa's art style felt when painting. This is not my art style.” Q explained entering the room, putting the tray on the table. He had already changed his clothes into soft pajamas and a tee.
“Oh” Toey already guessed that it was not one of those paintings that P'Q came out with, it was not one of those paintings Q had put his heart into. But he was curious as to what thought came into Q to redraw his grandfather's art.
“P'Q, why?” It was not a full sentence but Q knew what Toey wanted to ask him.
“I was really good at art from the start, dare I say talented. It made people look at me with those respects sort of eyes, envy sometimes too. But it changed when they heard about my grandpa. He was one of the best painters of Thailand, an inspiration for thousands of painters. Knowing that I am his grandson, people assumed that I am only good at art because my grandfather is an artist.”
“Now I was not the Q who was talented at art, I was the grandson of the famous painter with some cheap tricks to make art good. I was only a shadow of my grandpa.” Q voice falters briefly and Toey felt the urge to reassure him, to offer some comfort but before he could do anything Q continued.
“I tried to re-draw my grandpa's painting to stand in his shoes. To know what it felt like to be one of the greatest.” Q voice got slower and slower, more like a whisper. “I forgot that I am not the center of the world, I am nothing, nothing. I used to think that I was good at painting but eventually it is not true, I am not, I am just…..I am just. I am not at his level, Toey, I am not. No matter how much I try, there will always be someone who will be better than me, I will be second and then nothing. I love my grandpa so much and wish that he can be proud of me.”
Weariness clings to Q's eyes, a persistent child grasping at his weary frame. “Toey, I am hurt, I am exhausted, I am scared, I am sorry…..I am sorry, I am not enough.”
Toey felt that his heart was crushed into millions of pieces, blood pooling from each one of them. He never wanted to see that expression of heartbreak on Q face ever, it felt like he was sitting on a cliff and somewhere in the middle of the time he jumped, crashing and falling, leaving his body into bones and ashes that likely no one will ever find.
“P'Q you're wrong.” Q looked at him with tears falling from his eyes.
“Wrong about not standing on your grandfather's level, because it is not a competition, you don't have to be on his level, you're your own individual, you are your own league. Even if you are not the center of this world, you're the center of Toey's world. You are Toey's sun, moon, planets and stars. You are Toey's galaxy and universe.”
“You are the one Toey will always choose as Toey's favorite artist.”
Toey took a step forward, he wanted to confess every single thing he ever thought of Q. He wanted to tell him that Q was wrong for depreciating himself like that. He wanted– he wanted Q to understand that no matter what he was still Toey's favorite person. He wanted him to stop hurting himself like this.
“People wants you to be perfect, calm like a ocean, shining like a Sun, but what they not want to know that there are tsunamis too in the ocean, there are burning too while shining like a sun, you burn every part of your body, your body becomes numb and bones ache every second, the palette of colors turn into shades of grays. You become human with no emotions, robot, you become a robot with exhaustion and fatigue.”
“But P'Q I want you to know that you are more than just a few hate remarks, you're amazing as a whole, you are an amazing friend, an amazing boyfriend, a kind hearted person, intelligent, beautiful, an amazing human being. You don't have to work yourself until the end of sanity to prove it.”
“P'Q?.....P'Q yo–” Toey started but words flew somewhere far. He twindled with his fingers, watching Q standing silently, still. “P'Q it's okay to take one step at a time,.....and if you face a problem in it, I would like to do that with you, take slow steps, watch the clouds, drink wine, and just smile………if you would allow it of course.”
It was ghostly, the silence. Dim lights of the room didn't hide the fact that tears were falling from Q's eyes. Toey watched as Q took measured steps, and he was suddenly enveloped in a hug, Toey smiled, putting his hands in Q's waist and snuggling closer, he let Q put his mouth on his neck, let the tears soak his neck, let Q sob, slightly circling on his back.
He didn't know when they started kissing, but he knew one thing and that was that kissing Q was like coming Home. The soft press of Q lips felt like a cozy blanket on a cold night , it felt like fresh baked food with its gentle aroma, Serene.
His fingers slid through Q's silky hair enter- wining them around his fingers, gently rubbing the scalp with soft pad. In return Q hands encircled around Toey's waist, drawing him closer.
Toey felt like there were several butterflies in his diaphragm, deep into his gut. They were seemingly singing melodies along with the little patter of rain.
When they separated, Toey saw how much red Q's ears were. He was smiling shyly, almost making Toey coo.
“I'll let you take care of me,” Q whispered, a gentle smile resting on his lips, “If you'll let me do the same for you.”
“I will gladly let P'Q take care of me.” Toey said with a teasing grin.
…
It was Toey first time in Q's house and he was super happy, not only did he talk to Q about his problems but also now he was getting more closer to Q, it wasn't said that they were not closer before but there were aspects in Q's life which he did not live with him and so he wanted to know everything about his childhood and teenage years and it was the reason why Q was showing him his album.
Q had told him about how he became Peem, Tan, Chain and Pun friends, how he used to give advice to other kids of his school in drawing and they used to complain to the teacher thinking that he was doing that for bragging. He showed Toey his first ever drawing he did with his grandpa.
They watched a movie and ate snacks together, they tried to draw each other and Toey failed miserably as he wasn't the one to sketch someone's face before and he promised himself to be good enough to draw Q.
They watched the rain and heard the soft patter sound.
It was like a dream come true.
‘Maybe Heaven feels like this,’ Toey thought, smiling at Q.
…..
If someone would ask Toey how he ended up on his back on the bed, he couldn't answer them. A few minutes ago, they were smiling and talking. Q had gently asked him if it was okay for him to kiss Toey and honestly Toey wanted to smack Q. There was not even a second in his life when he didn't want Q, his boyfriend. But he was also glad that Q made sure to ask him every time before initiating something.
Toey let out a pleasured sigh when Q rubbed his hair, tangling his fingers in his lover's hair, awed at the golden locks of Toey's hair made by the lamplight dancing on it. Q pulled him from his waist, gripping his hair, tilting his head and pressed an open mouthed kiss on his smile.
Toey giggled, wrapping his arm around Q, “P'Q, I love you,”
“I love you too, baby,” Toey hummed and Q licked his lips, kissing Toey, their lips moved and Q slid his tongue through plump, pink lips, tasting his sweet mouth, Toey moaned, clutching Q's shirt tightly.
“P'Q please,” Toey begged as Q pulled away. Q responded by biting the fat flesh of Toey's neck. Toey gasped, his hands tightening on Q's clothes. He bared his neck when Q started sucking and nipping the soft skin working on a mark. Q slid his hand under the tee Toey was wearing and caressed the warm waist.
“Toey, who are you this hard for,hm?” Q whispered, near his ear. “Is it someone I know?” He asked, nibbling on Toey's ear. “Answer me Toey.”
“It-It is for P'Q,” Toey whimpered. “Only for P'Q,”
Q hummed, running his hand up to Toey's waist, his stomach, running his thumb over Toey's nipples, twisting and flicking it gently.
“That's right, you're mine, my lover, my boyfriend, my love, mine, mine.”
Toey keened a little, shuddering. “So beautiful, my angel, God you're so pretty Toey, my love,”
Toey swayed a little in Q's hold, feeling his head jumbled and legs wobbly, his mind couldn't focus on anything but the fact that Q was touching him.
Q hurriedly swung Toey onto the bed by his waist and came on top of him, he ran his hands through Toey's ribs, feeling the way Toey shivered. Toey tugged at his clothes, whining and Q took both of their tees off.
“What do you want Nong?” Q asked, “Do you want me to fuck you?”
Toey squirmed, blushing, his cheeks darkening like a tomato. Toey pressed him down, digging his fingers in Toey's thighs.
“Answer me Nong? Do you want me to fuck you,” He coaxed him, kissing Toey's nipples, sucking on them.
“Yes, ah, yes, P'Q……please, please fuck me,” Toey whined pushing Q's face on his chest making him mark his nipples.
Q smirked, pressing his palm on Toey's bulge, gently squishing it. Toey let out a loud, breathy moan.
“I am also this hard for you, Toey,” Q said, pulling his hand from the bedsheets, guiding down to where his own cock was hard in his boxers. “You do this to me Toey,” Toey moaned and tightened his fingers over Q's cock.
Q let out a breathy groan, tugging at the pants Toey was wearing, mere things like clothes had no place to stop Q from touching Toey. He grouched a little as he tried to take off the pants, “Toey I didn't remember my pants to be this tight.”
Toey huffed, laughing but arched his back, distantalizing the knot before sliding it. Q took them from his lover's legs, throwing them on the chair.
“P'Q,” Toey called, grabbing at Q's pants now, Q grinned, taking out his pants, “Impatient.”
He crawled back again on his spot, spreading Toey's legs. Toey let out a satisfied hum, running his hands on Q's exposed chest and back. Q slid his hands under Toey's thighs hiking them up on his around his waist. He bent down lightly nibbling and sucking on Toey's stomach.
Q groaned as he rolled his hips, his cock touching Toey's ass. The addicting friction, making Toey draw sound from his throat, wrapping his legs around Q, locking his ankles and putting pressure on Q's cock.
“So good, my perfect baby, my angel,” Q moaned, watching his lover like he was some divine being and yes he was, Toey was intact the most beautiful, most perfect, with his brown eyes and blushing cheeks, waiting to be worshiped. And Q will be the one who will worship him.
He licked his lips, and then flattening his tongue licked Toey's neck, tugging at one of his nipples with his teeth and then again licking it until he felt that it would not hurt Toey, then he dived to do the same with Toey other nipple. Toey fingers wandered, sliding through Q's boxers and squeezing the meat of Q's ass as Q rolled his hips again.“Please P'Q, please fuck me, I need you,”
“So needy, my Nong is so beautiful,” Q breathed out. “P'Q is the one to talk when he looks the most beautiful,” Toey shot back. And it was true, Q with his slightly long hair tousled back and lustful eyes should be the subject for many artists to draw, not that Toey will ever share him, but Q was truly a masterpiece of Art both by his looks and personality.
Q wrapped Toey's legs tightly around his waist and then gave him a soft secret smile, one that was only reserved for Toey. He then leaned down kissing Toey's cock and Toey felt that maybe it was the end of the Universe. Maybe he will die then and there but he knows even if he died, this will be the best death with his cock in Q's mouth, sucking and bobbing his head.
Toey's thoughts dissolved in a moan when he felt Q's eyes on him, completely focused and his one hand massaging and squeezing his balls.
Q took out his cock with a wet slurp and licked his lips still his eyes focused on Toey and Toey felt his cock twitch. Q leaned and opened his drawer, searching.
Toey watched as Q dropped the lube and condom and honestly Toey had totally forgotten about them. He wanted to ask Q why he had those things but before he could ask Q admitted, “Being prepared is good, no? After all I wanted to fuck my boyfriend,”
“P'Q your mouth is dangerous,” Toey whined, digging his nails on Q's back. Q smirked, “You didn't even see all the things my mouth can do, from sucking your cock,” He squeezed Toey's cock, “to eating you out.”
And that was the last straw, if Toey waited any longer he would come then and there. “P'Q please,”
Q sensing the desperation smiled and opened the cap of the lube and squeezed a generous amount of lube from it. He then spread it around Toey's balls, and all other areas. He then circled around his rim with his slick fingers before gently pushing it in. Toey whimpered, as Q breathed in and then settled for a slow and steady pace.
“You look so good while you take my fingers, Darling, I can’t imagine how good you’ll look taking my cock.” Toey's eyes flew open and his thighs tightened.
“P'Q, please, please call me that again,” Q smiled.
“Darling,” Q murmured and added the second finger, Toey moaned, arching his back. “So pretty,” Q said and then curled his fingers searching for a certain spot and he knew he found it when Toey cried out, opening his mouth. A series of moans were let out by Toey when Q added the third finger , mercilessly twisting and stretching him.
“Ready, P'Q…..please I am ready, please fuck me,”
“Shh, shh……Darling just a few seconds please, I don't want to hurt you,” Q said, giving kisses to Toey's hands. Q ignored Toey's whines of disapproval and his adorable, dissatisfied pout when Q took out his fingers. Toey tried to chase his fingers but Q grabbed his hips, “Just a moment, baby,”
He then grabbed the lube again, coating Toey's hole and his cock before putting the condom. He gently pressed his cock into the hole and watched how Toey let out a breathy moan, how his mouth fell open and his eyelids fluttered. Q breath hitched when his cock finally sinked in.
He waited for a moment making sure that Toey was okay and when Toey looked at him with his big, teary eyes, and full pout of his lips and God, Q couldn't take it. He thrust in fully, filling Toey fully.
Toey was overwhelmed was an understatement because he was in heaven waiting for his death because who could survive his lover's gentle care but such a beast like fucking. He set a steady pace, thrusting in and pulling back and then thrusting again a little faster, folding Toey nearly in half, kissing his mouth.
Q fucked in warm, tight heat, listening the whimpering and the series of “ah, ah, ah”.
He shuddered a little from the beauty, the angel in front of him, being a moaning mess.
“This is my favorite place, Darling, in you, such a perfect tight little hole,” Toey hummed, tears clinging his eyelashes threatening to fall as Toey tried to move his hips and pull Q more closer than he can ever be.
“P'Q, P'Q, My P'Q, my only, mine,” Toey babbled and Q couldn't help but agree with him. “Yours, yours Darling, no one else but only yours,”
He cried out and Q let Toey roll over him, sitting on his cock, rolling and bouncing on Q's cock. Q squeezed Toey's ass, kneading it and Toey moaned. He braced his feet, meeting Toey's bouncing with his own thrust deriving the moaning and gasping from Toey.
“Like that Toey, like being in charge?” He asked, meeting Toey's hips as they dropped down and then thrust again.
Q stroked Toey's hips as he nodded, nuzzling his cheeks in Q's hands and Q smiled. “You're going to make me come baby, I am going to come, darling is that okay, are you close,”
Toey's movements faltered as tears shined on his face with how lamplight shone on him, golden, like the sun and yes his lover was Sun, his Sun, the one who gave him warmth and energy.
Toey bit his lower lip, his hair sticking on his blushing face with sweat, and Q lost his patience. He flipped them over, driving Toey's body into desperation, fucking into him. He was going to make Toey come first before him. He was going to make Toey feel like he was in heaven(not knowing that Toey was already feeling that).
He pulled at Toey's hips, angling his thrust to hit the sweet spot, and when he did, Toey's swollen lips let out a delicious cry. Q wrapped his fingers around Toey's cock and not long when Toey was coming, spilling on Q's hands and his own stomach.
Q buried his face in Toey's neck, pounding in him, chasing his own orgasm and soon enough he was coming too.
They lay down still for a little bit, they both not moving before Q tried to pull his cock out but as soon he tried to do it, Toey wrapped his arms around him, “Stay,”
He smiled, kissing softly Toey's button nose, his lips, his forehead and cheeks, “let me clean you, otherwise you will be uncomfortable after,” Toey pouted but allowed him to go.
Q went to his bathroom, removed the condom and a mug of water and damp towel, he then proceeded to wipe the spend and then with another towel, wiped Toey's face. Toey put his arm in arm asking for him to come and cuddle him and he shook his head fondly, “Just one minute Darling,” Toey tried to frown but nonetheless smiled at the nickname.
Q went outside just for a second and then hurriedly entered. He sat on the bed and helped Toey to sit a little, “Here, drink the water”. Toey silently chugged at the water and then munched at the biscuits Q water making him eat. He put his arms around Q, and Q smiled and put the tray on the table and hugged Toey, cuddling him in the aftermath.
“I love you P'Q,”
“I love you too, Toey,”
Later Toey will blush and try to run out of the grasp, later Q will coax him and kiss him, gently combing his hair. Maybe Toey will tell about his childhood stories and then they will whisper sweet nothings in each other ears making them both blush.