Archive of Our Own

Alex has a new coworker. A new coworker who is funny and witty, has the greatest sense of music in the entire company and lets him info-dump about his new obsession or ramble about work.

His work wife, Nora has started to say. And like it’s true, he spends so much time with his new colleague in between meetings, having lunch together and extra-hours that they see each other more than they would see their hypothetical romantic partners.

They met when Alex, being the absolute encanto that he is, made an intervention, saving said colleague from Hunter —the obnoxious boss’ nephew, who seems to think that he is best than the rest, when he is pretty much there thanks to despotism (we gotta love the good old connections game). Alex hadn’t known who Hunter was accosting yet, but if the face he was observing was anything to go by, he was about to save someone.

“Hey, Hunter, I think Richards wants to go over some contract with you,” he lied. Easy, clean job —it’s probably not that far-fetched given the fact that Richards never wants to work with Alex (he has an inkling suspicion that it is related to the “z” in his last name)

Hunter spun glaring his way. His mouth turned up in a smirk. “Oh, thanks, Claremont, I’ll go now.” He bid goodbye to both of them and left. His walk having the tilt of someone who believes they are over the commoners. Alex would like to tell him that they were not living in the Medieval Era anymore, he was no aristocrat or whatsoever.

He turned to look at Hunter’s ex-victim.

“Actually, it’s Claremont-Díaz, but he doesn’t really give a fuck. I’m Alex,” he smiled.

“Hello, I’m Bea,” she introduced herself right back. She was beautiful, her red hair was held up in a high ponytail, her blue eyes were clearer than the actual sky and she looked nice.

“Nice to meet you. First day?”

She laughed, “Yes. I’m supposed to go to see Zahra Bankston, but I got interfered in the way.”

And she is British.

“Oh, right. She is down this corridor. I’m truly sorry Hunter was the first encounter you had with this place. I guarantee you, there are much more interesting people here.” He tried to sound reassuring; he didn’t want to scare off their new integrant.

“Do not worry, I have a lifetime experience dealing with that kind of people. But thanks for the help, either way. I’ll see you around, Alex,” she said, and left looking for Zahra’s office.

As they say, that was the beginning of a great allyship. Alex was thrilled to have someone with whom he could partner up while working, even if they did work in different areas, sometimes they just booked meeting rooms together and work silently. It really helped with Alex’s ADHD to have someone who could snap him out of his distractions —sometimes, he doesn’t even know how, but he ends up in very deep investigation rabbit holes that have nothing to do with what he was supposed to be actually doing, Bea is rather helpful with that. Other times, when Alex’s thoughts are specially dispersed, they book a “meeting” just to shit-talk. But like… if anyone asks, that is definitely not true.

One could say that they are friends, having crossed the lines of only reaching the other about work-related problems and blabbering about their life.

Alex knows about Bea’s life in London, her conservative grandmother, who basically ruined their lives after her father passing and everything that happened afterwards. He knows about her little brother who works in an editorial company and her older brother who lives in England and is married to an amazing woman —he knows this fact because Bea seems to talk more about Martha than about her brother, also, because she is impressed he convinced someone like her to marry someone like him. Bea ends up saying that her brother is working towards becoming a better older brother and person, but the Jury’s still out.

In return she knows about Alex’s sister, June, and her ability to meddle in his life like she has any right —to which Bea sided with June, older sisters’ sorority or something —, he talks about Nora, and he has to almost make her a schema explaining their relationship (friends-to lovers-to ex-to friends-to best friends-to Nora dating his sister, people get very hang up on it but is quite simple).

So, Alex has made a friend. Which shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but all his life he has been too focused on school, college, law school, finding the perfect job, etc. He doesn’t have the best history in keeping friendships or relationships for that matter. He used to be a social butterfly, he tended to text too much, talk too much, be too much for people to handle and they ended up leaving. Alex started not wanting to be the one left so, he just tried to tame it down, which, most of the times, ended in the relationship (of whatever nature) not going anywhere.

That’s what’s different about Bea, she seems genuinely fine with Alex’s incapacity to not be too much.

💌

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“Do you think Shaan can read our e-mails?” Alex asks the second he approaches Bea’s desk.

“From what I know, they can access to our corporative address, but they only will read the correspondence if any word or expression used doesn’t pass the filter imposed by the company,” she says. “I do not think guinea pig is in those filters, though.”

Alex laughs. “I hope so.”

She hands him her phone charger and Alex bows his head in gratitude.

“Hey, so… would you like to have some drinks after work, my sister and Nora are forcing me outside.”

“So sorry, babes. I can’t. My brother is participating in this charity polo match out of town and I promised him I would go.”

A charity Polo match. God, Alex hates the rich. Like, let’s be real, do people really need white men riding horses and wearing tight pants save their lives? If those men genuinely wanted to help, they could just donate and stop playing ridiculous sports.

“You didn’t tell me Philip was in the States,” he comments instead.

“Oh, no. It’s Henry.”

Well. Bea has only said wonderful things about him, but… he could be the same stuck up as her brother, just seen under a better light by an older sister.

“Oh, right.”

“Yes, is this fundraising for LGBTQ+ youth shelters. After everything he went through wen he came out, he has been really focused on helping other queer kids.”

Okay.

Fuck.

Henry is a nice guy. That is clear. Even if his choice of sport is not of Alex’s preference.

“That’s awesome,” he obliges himself to say. “So, raincheck on drinks. June has been dying to meet you.”

Bea beams. “Of course.”

💌

Alex is a man of convictions. He has his life itemized by simple truths, statements if you will. It took him long enough to assemble all of them in list.

1. He loves Texas, it will always be home.
2. He loves his mother’s ribs recipe.
3. He feels guilty about June leaving everything behind to move to New York so she could take care of him.
4. He loves June, even if he doesn’t say it that much.
5. When he was twelve and his parents divorced while he was away in summer camp and came home to all his father’s things moved out, something in him stopped believing in the concept of “love for a lifetime.”
6. He doesn’t think he is made for long term relationships.
7. He can’t stand Hunter or bigoted assholes.
8. Nora crashing into his life is the best thing that has ever happened to him, even if their story is weird.
9. He was the one who caused the cake to fall in his prima’s wedding, although he blamed her dog (sorry, Perla). But he will never admit it and he will take that to the grave.
10. Zahra has a soft spot for him.
11. Shaan from HR and Zahra have a thing going on.
12. He is straight.

So, care anyone to explain him why on Earth is he staring at Bea’s latest post for so long?

Bea, being the amazing sister that she is, went to see her brother’s game, and then proceeded to publish in Instagram —a public site, where innocent eyes can reach —pictures of the hottest man he has ever seen. Not only the hottest, but the cutest (in a I-want-to-bite-him-way) human being. Alex is, honestly, not feeling well.

She did not only post one, but three goddamned images. She made one of those carrousel post where there are up to ten pictures in the same said post (she only did three, gracias a Dios). Alex feels faint.

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He also doesn’t understand his predicament. He has never once doubted his sexuality. He has always felt very secure in it. It was a given, he likes girls, he liked their bodies and the softness of their touch. He has never wanted to touch a guy, to be with a guy in the same way.

Right?

Slowly, as if it didn’t want to startle him, a voice creeps in his brain. Liam.

Well, then.

Alex hadn’t planned a sexuality crisis brought by the hot brother of his favorite coworker on a Saturday morning, but sometimes life doesn’t follow your lead.

He thinks about Liam for the first time in years. He was his best friend in high school, they were very close, until they weren’t anymore. And then they come, the memories. The ones he has suppressed for almost a decade now. Liam kissing him passionately, his hand touching him under his clothes, Alex’s hand reaching Liam, making him come. The fact that they repeated it. And never talked about it.

And then, Liam slowly pulling away.

At the time he had brushed it off. He had a lot going on, so he didn’t think twice. But now. He thinks.

And thinks and thinks.

He thinks about that one guy in his International Relations course, who was clearly flirting with him and how Alex flirted back.

He thinks about that time, not long ago, when he couldn’t keep his eyes off the two guys making out at the bar he was at with Nora.

And then he looks back at Bea’s pictures.

He likes women; that fact still remains. But he stares at Henry’s thighs, at his smile and sandy hair. And he thinks.

💌

Ultimately, he is not sure anymore of anything, however he can’t keep looking at the same three pictures. He needs more.

He clicks the picture. No tags.

He goes to followers. No Henry.

Alex’s is forced to take drastic measures.

Alex had been so focused on finding Henry’s accounts, he has forgotten about a major point.

He takes deep breaths and texts.

Predictably, coming out to his sister and her girlfriend goes well. Alex has never been more thankful for the family he was born into than at that moment —knowing they would still love him no matter what, and that they care for him with no restrictions. Bea’s voice saying that Henry had to leave their home after coming out, takes him out of his cheerful state. He still wants to get to know him. Someone who, if Bea is to be believed (and she is), has been through the ringer but still wants to believe in the softness of the world.

“Okay,” he says. “We have a mission.”

Nora nods. “Finding Alex’s boyfriend. Let’s do it.”

Alex wants to protest about the name of the mission, but he knows he won’t be heard.

“Check this,” June mumbles after a while. “This person, Pez, commented on her post, so I went to his profile and is public. There he has pictures of Alex’s boyfriend, look.” She shoves his phone into Alex’s face.

She is right. This Pez guy has pictures of Henry and with Henry that go all the way down his page. Alex hopes he is not drooling.

“Fuck,” he says as the realization strikes. “What if he is his boyfriend?”

“Nah,” June sounds sure. Alex arches an eyebrow. “He commented in Bea’s post saying my hot bestie and his hot sister, bisexuals won.”

Alex feels inclined to agree with the stranger.

“Fair.”

“I have found what looks like Henry Fox’s only social media, dear Alejandro,” Nora exclaims from across the room. Back hunched over her computer.

She shows them her screen. It’s a twitter account, and the profile picture is, without a doubt, Henry.

“Bad news. It’s private.”

Well, shit.

“Also, I found his professional website. Like the one from where he works. If you want, you can always write him an e-mail.”

From her place in the couch, June says, “I found his spotify account.”

Alex groans.

💌

An incomplete list of Alex’s options so far:

1. Ask Bea for Henry’s number.
2. Contact Henry via Twitter (his private account which would clearly indicate that he had been digging deep to find him)
3. Work e-mail which is an invasion of his privacy worse than his twittwer account.
4. Send him hidden messages via spotify songs.

Things are looking good.

💌

-

💌

He still finds himself typing Henry’s e-mail address. He has always thought about himself as a very straightforward, logical person. But right now, he can’t do anything without looking like a weirdo. He can’t go and Dm Pez, he doesn’t even know what to say and he definitely cannot tell Bea. They’ve known each other for four months; he can’t go an ask about her little’s brother number.

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“Alex,” Bea comes slamming the door of his office. Alex panics, hitting the draft button. Shit. His heart is beating as if he was caught doing something wrong.

“What’s up, Bea?”

“Lunch,” she says.

Alex looks to the left corner of his computer’s screen. It was half past one. Alex must have spent more time than he thought thinking and writing the e-mail. It’s truly a wonder how he gets anything done.

“Right,” he answers, feeling still a bit out of it.

They leave the building, Bea talking animatedly about her weekend. Alex tries to absorb as much information as he can.

When they get to their favorite place to grab lunch, Bea sits in front of him with a special look on his face.

“How was your weekend, Alex?” She asks.

She asks if she knows.

Which is crazy.

Alex’s is losing his mind.

“You know, nothing grand. Same old.”

You know. I had a crisis about your little brother and then I spend a major part of my free days trying to find his accounts, but they are private, so I ended up just obsessing over the pictures you have posted of him. I also got drunk with my sister and her girlfriend, because they thought I had to celebrate that I came out as bisexual.

“Okay. What the fuck is going on with you?”

Alex’s eyes widen.

“You’ve been too quiet all the way here, have not told me a single thing about your weekend and you seem so lost in your head. What is going on, Alex?”

“I just have a lot in my mind right now. I swear, I’m fine.”

She doesn’t look convinced but doesn’t press it.

💌

💌

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💌

Alex keeps writing to Henry, filling his drafts with everything that happens to him. When he has an inconvenience or something he wants to share, he just types it out. Now more than ever he wishes that HR cannot access to his e-mail account.

Alex is picking up his jacket and leaving on time for the first time in his life.

“Lil bit, when was the last time you had a date?”

When Alex didn’t immediately respond June’s frown deepened.

 And that was it. For the next couple of weeks June had made it her mission to find someone with whom Alex could have a date. He tried not to dwell in how pathetic it felt that your sister had to secure you dates, given that he is incapable to do it on his own.

He has had a couple of meet ups, but none of them where more than having a laugh and a drink. It’s not that there was something wrong with these girls, but Alex didn’t feel intrigued by them, and if he is going to try and make it work with someone, he needs to know it won’t me wasted time (because he doesn’t have a lot).

Last night he received a very unsettling message from his sister:

That went unanswered. Which was not cool.

The only thing he knows is because Nora took pity on him and told him it was a date with a man.

💌

He is waiting for the elevator when Bea stops by his side.

“Fancy seeing you leave on time for once, Alexander.”

“I have a date,” he says. As if that explains everything.

“Oh, exciting. Who is this person?”

Alex kind of came out on accident one day. They were discussing Star Wars —Bea is not a fan, but Henry is (he is perfect for Alex, goddammit) and he let slip that he had a huge fucking crush on Han Solo.

“I don’t even know. It’s like a blind date.”

Bea smiles wickedly. “That’s great, have a good night, love.” And leaves as the elevator gets to their floor.

💌

Alex arrives to the restaurant, his heart taking laps inside his chest like it was a fucking competition.

He says the name under the reservation, and he is led to a candle-lit table for two. He sits and waits. He tries not to panic.

He is not only on time, but early. So, he takes his phone out.

-

“Hello?” a voice says from above.

Alex jumps in his place and locks his phone. In front of him, looking constipated it is —

Henry.

Alex gapes at him.

He is fairly sure his brain is melting off his ears.

He was…

He was writing and panicking about a date.

And now.

Henry.

Alex feels like his mind cannot process what is happening to him. He can’t string coherent words.

Henry Fox-Mountchristen in the flesh, with his blue shining eyes, plush lips and what looks like a beauty mark over his lip. He is tall and lean, but even through his suit trousers Alex can sense the toned thighs.

“I’m Henry,” he says. Still not sitting down.

Alex stares.

“I think you work with my sister,” he continues.

Alex still doesn’t say anything.

“Are you alright?”

That takes Alex out of his stupor.

“You are so fucking pretty,” he whispers. He doesn’t mean to say it, but Henry blushes so nice it was worth the embarrassment. “Fuck. I mean, I’m Alex. Yes, I work with Bea. Please take a seat. I’m so sorry, I was not expecting someone so… well… you.”

Alex should be revoked of his talking rights.

Henry chuckles as he sits down. “Someone so me?”

“It’s a good thing. Someone so beautiful, incredible, stunning, take your pick.”

 “You are a charmer, Alexander.”

Alex smiles. He hopes this will go right. He needs this to go right. He also needs to understand what the fuck happened.

💌

Alex realizes that he is gone the moment that he sees Henry almost spill all his wine after he told a joke. It was not even funny.

At the beginning it might have been a bit awkward, Alex mentally going over all the e-mails in his drafts addressed to the very same man that was shyly smiling at him from across the table. But the awkwardness didn’t last for too long. Soon enough, Alex brought how he met Bea and from there they just never run out of things to talk about.

Alex truly felt like a highschooler.

Henry had been a theory in Alex’s head. He had fought so hard to try not to idolize someone who he didn’t know —and as he thought back then, he probably would never meet —now, Henry is here, talking to him with a glint in his eyes, and Alex is determined to do this right. He wants to get to know him properly, he wants Henry to stop being a theory and start to be a reality.

It’s when an annoyed waiter clears their throat that Alex realizes that they have definitely overstayed. They are the last ones there, the rest of the tables had been cleaned up, the chairs are put up upside down over the tables and another waiter is sweeping the floor.

He looks at Henry, whose eyes are already fixed on him. As he dives into that shade of blue, he figures he is not ready to end the night just yet.

They pay —fight over who covers the expenses of the dinner, Alex wins. Henry blushes when he says, “the next one is on you, sweetheart,” —and finally walk out the restaurant.

Alex’s mind is chanting, “not ready to go home,” over an over. He wants to scream.

They stay in silence, awkwardly standing in front of the Tratoria.

“I… uh. Do you want to walk? For a bit? It’s a nice night,” he musters the courage to ask. The temperature is leaning to hot, not exactly nice, but Henry does not mention it.

They pick one direction and go.

💌

They end up in a park. It’s cute and small. The only light produced by a couple of lampposts. They sit in a bench, touching from shoulders to toes, every part of their bodies connected. Alex takes one of Henry’s hands with his.

They are not talking, but Alex does not need it. That is unusual, as Alex hates silences, he always fills them with facts he has learned deep in his hyperfixations. But Henry, for the small amount of time he has actually known him, calms him down, quiets his mind, slows down his ever-racing thoughts.

Henry’s presence has done more for him than any dose of medication he has been prescribed.

This is extremely dangerous.

“I used to love stargazing,” Henry says into the quietness.

Alex hums. “It’s sad that stars aren’t visible in the city.”

Henry agrees, looking at the sky. It’s ink black, but Alex is more mesmerized by Henry’s profile. His delicate factions. Alex wishes he could trace them with the tip of his finger.

And then.

He just kind of does it.

He takes the hand that it’s not holding Henry’s, and follows the arch of Henry’s nose, goes down his cupid bow, his lips, that part when he touches them, and down his chin.

Henry turns his head to stare at him.

Alex doesn’t miss the stars as he can see Henry’s bright eyes.

His hand cover Henry’s cheek. They are so close their breathes are intertwined and Alex can count the golden dots in Henry’s eyes. Alex gazes Henry’s lips, back to his eyes, and thinks that his heartbeat is so loud, he is scared Henry might heart it.

A whispered, “Can I kiss you?” is all it takes for Alex to lose it.

He connects their lips as if he has been waiting for it his whole life. Henry goes pliant under his touch; his hand goes to Henry’s hair and to the back of his neck. Henry grabs the front of his shirt, pulling him impossible nearer, like he is not about to be sitting on Alex lap if they get any closer.

If Alex thought that Henry’s presence was mind-calming, his kisses bring Alex’s brain to a stillness he hasn’t known a day before in his life.

As they continue to kiss, Alex mind blank, focused on the other body, on his heat, and the little sounds that fall off both their mouths.

Reluctantly, they separate. Henry hums appreciatively, then he rests his head over Alex’s shoulder.

“Do you have a favorite constellation?”

“Orion,” Henry all but whispers. “It used to be my father’s favorite, too.”

“Tell me about him, if you want.”

Henry breathes deep and starts talking about a man with a heart of gold, who tried to shield his children from the bad things until the bad things moved in their house and he was no longer capable of protecting them.

Henry talks about the man who taught him that the stars are always there, even if we can’t see them. Covered in darkness but shining. That, one day, when he wasn’t there anymore, he could look for him in Orion, where he’ll always be.

He also talks about long road trips to their country house, the loud music and her mother’s laugh. He talks about a young boy with bright blond hair and blue eyes, pulling his sister’s hair and poking his father’s shoulder for attention.

Alex’s heart breaks for him. He doesn’t know what to say, so just stays in silence listening attentively to everything, storing it safely in his mind.

“Sorry,” Henry says after a while. “It’s just that it’s been a while since I told someone about him.”

Alex squeezes Henry’s hand. “Don’t apologize, sweetheart. I’m glad to listen, he sounds like an incredible man.”

“He was.”

“I’m sure he would be proud of you.” His words are met with an exhale from Henry.

They don’t add anything more. Just stare into de night, content with each other's company.

💌

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Alex is still in bed, looking at his phone, thinking when “see you soon” it’s too soon. He is staring at Henry’s contact page. Because now, he has his phone number.

“So, we don’t have to go through our sisters again,” he had said.

He doesn’t want to ask June what he could say to him, he is an adult. He can do it. He can text the guy with who he had the best date of his life and would pretty much keep having these dates.

He is nice. He is interested. He thinks he nailed it.

Then he looks for another name.

As he is not receiving response from either of the siblings, he lays there, staring at the ceiling going in his head over the events of the previous day.

💌

Henry hasn’t answered by Monday morning and Alex is fine. He is not obsessing over it.

He walks in his office, turns on his computer and goes straight to e-mail. He opens a new one and before he can think about it, he starts writing.

He saves it in his drafts and gets with work.

💌

At four, when Alex thinks dying from stress, sleep and pinning pathetically, Bea enters his office. She places a coffee in front of him and smiles at him apologetically.

“Hey.”

Alex frowns. What is going on?

“Bea, what?”

She just sighs and pushes the coffee closer to him.

“Look, Alex,” she starts, sounds defeated, as if coming to Alex was the last thing she wanted to do. “About a week or so, when you told me your sister was trying to find your perfect match, I knew I had to try and get you a date with my brother. Because for a long time I’ve had this feeling that you would get along amazingly. I found her Instagram and a texted her, she was so happy to hear it and had this plan about making it a surprise and all.”

At least Alex has part of his answers now.

“Right,” he says, drinking a sip of his drink. Still unsure of why Bea seemed so utterly sad.

“I was really hoping that you guys would work out, because, truly, I love Henry, but he has the most horrific luck picking guys and he deserves to be happy. So, this was an opportunity for him to be happy. The date itself went great –”

“Well,” Alex wants to interject. If it went that well why is Henry not responding to his texts, why is he feeling this void in his chest that makes him think that it really didn’t go well at all.

“It went great, Alex. Believe me. I was there when he came back at fucking half past four in the morning. I haven’t seen him like that in a while. But he is not flawless, and you have to be patient with him. It’s really not my place to tell you, so like, he will come around. Trust me on this. I know it’s a lot to ask. It’s a lot from someone with whom you’ve only had one date and it’s even more the fact that it’s coming from his sister. But if you are willing to be there for him, to wait and be patient. Tell him. I know it will work out. Trust my older sister guts on this.”

Alex is, honestly, at loss. He wants to wait, of fucking course. It’s scary to think that he feels this intensely for Henry. Alex is known for taking risks and jumping on adventures. This, even after everything Bea told him, feels safer than the other things he has done without much thinking. Henry feels like he will be there to catch him if he falls. So let it be it. Let him fall. Let’s see what happen.

“I’m not flawless either, Bea. I just want him to feel safe and happy with me, of course I’ll wait.”

“Thanks, Alex. I appreciate that. And, please, tell him that. I think he needs to hear it.”

“’Course.”

-

💌

Alex doesn’t read the messages as he sends them. If he dwells too much on them, he will end up changing things and he wants what he needs to say to came across as vulnerable as he can. So. A rambler and a double texter that’s who he is.

He tries to go back to work.

For a couple of hours, he focuses hard on being productive, going though his pile of work like his life depended on it. He will not look at phone. There is one clause that he is working on that is bugging him to no end and he knows Hunter won’t be of help. So even if his head is hurting from thinking and his contact lenses are threatening to fall off his eyes, he is a bit grateful.

It’s nearing eleven p.m., when he leaves the building. Only then he allows himself to look though his notifications. He is mentally prepared for the disappointing truth of Henry not having even read his texts.

He is, however, confronted with a grey bubble in his screen, under his outrageous number of texts. Its simple. And direct.

Under the text it was the Maps location of Henry’s home. Where he is. In that exact instant.

Alex feels dizzy.

This… He… when he texted earlier, he really did not dare to hope for a response. Bea said, “be patient” and he was going to be. He was going to be the most fucking patient bastard Henry has ever met. But he is here now. And he has the opportunity of seeing Henry again, of seeing if he is good, if he needs anything from him. Even if there is always the possibility of Henry wanting to see him just to tell him to leave him alone. But even if its that. Alex would have had seen him one last time, and for now it’s all that he wants.

So, he clicks the location. And follows the blue arrow.

💌

The door opens, letting a comfy and tired looking Henry appear in Alex’s line of vision.

“Hey…,” he says awkwardly.

“Hi.”

“Came in.”

“Thanks.”

Alex is not entirely sure how he is supposed to act. Before he can think any further a dog tattles him, almost making him eat the floor. Alex looks down, laughing. He sees the cutest beagle he has ever seen in his life, with is long sloppy ears, playing in between his legs.

Alex gets to the level of the dog. “And you? Who are you? Aren’t you cute?” he asks with his best baby-voice.

In front of him Henry is staring at Alex with the softest look in his eyes. “That is David,” he says.

“He is so adorable, I won’t make fun of his accountant name, at least for now.”

Henry sighs as if he has been waiting for the jab. “If you must know, he is named after Bowie.”

“Well, that is much cooler. Let me tell you.” He smiles at Henry, still petting David. He thinks he has found the perfect spot for scratches.

Henry coughs. “I think we need to talk. Or I least I need to explain.”

Alex rises to his feet.

“Hey, Henry, I totally meant what I said in my texts. I only want to know whatever you are comfortable with sharing.”

The look in Henry’s eyes is one Alex has never seen. His blue shinning eyes boring into Alex as if he is seeing him for the first time. As if Alex is some sort of strange entity that landed in his home. Alex is not sure what that means.

“That is…” he stops. Clears his throat. “That is very considerate of you, Alex. But I really think you have to know this. If you want to have a developing relationship with me, at least.”

Alex nods. He sure as fuck wants to know now.

“Then, let’s hear you, sweetheart. Lead the way,” he answers softly.

Henry smiles, for the first time since Alex had entered his place. It felt a bit like winning, even if he was scared shitless.

Henry sits down in a cozy-looking sofa, patting the other side, so Alex could sit next to him. In the coffee table, there were two cups. “I made you coffee, I hope it is of your liking. I have to confess that I didn’t have a coffee machine, I had to buy a French press and coffee beans, so if you want to try it to see if it’s drinkable,” he says, with a shy smile.

It’s almost half past eleven in the evening, Alex can almost listen to June shouting at him for bringing the mug to his lips —who cares.

The coffee is surprisingly good. Alex would have preferred if Henry had let it brew a bit longer, but it even had cinnamon. Alex hummed appreciatively. “Well, it’s pretty good, sweetheart.”

Henry blushes a bit.

They drink from their beverages in silence until Henry puts his cup down and takes a deep breath. “Right,” he says, startling Alex a little.

Alex turns his whole attention to Henry. He nods as an invitation to continue.

“Bea told me that she had explained to you the extent of how our father’s sickness and passing affected our family.” Alex nodded again; it was true. “Good. I guess she told you how she coped, and you could have figured out how Philip coped, turning to follow our grandmother blindly. I, on the other hand, was the baby of the family, my father always was taking me to places and we were pretty close. When he was gone I kind lost of my safety. I was a gay teenager in the closet, and I felt so alone. I thought I didn’t deserve to be loved, as everyone had left me in some way.”

Alex feels his heart hurting so deep for Henry. He wants to hold him, to tell him that he doesn’t need to relive all of this just for him.

“So, when my father passed my mental health got worse and worse, until I was in the worst place ever. In collage I was taking a wrong decision after the other, on purpose, so I could feel anything. Pez forced me to get help, and had it not been for him, I’d probably wouldn’t be here now. So, there is that. I got diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. After years of treatment, medication and therapy, I can live almost a tranquil life. But sometimes I get this… moods. Everything overwhelms me and I can’t get out of bed, I spend the day overthinking and hating me. Sometimes I think about him, sometimes I wish I could forget everything. They are not predictable and there is nothing I can do to change them.”

Henry stops talking at some point in his speech ha had started playing with the signet ring he wears in his pinkie. He was not looking at Alex.

“I am not a reliable partner, Alex. One day I can seem fine and the other I might not answer your calls or your texts or anything for the next couple of days. Most of the time it’s a burden, and people get tired of it. I know it’s a lot.”

Now Henry was looking at him. Alex can see the bags under his eyes, he can see the tension on his shoulders, he can see that he is bracing himself for the blow. Alex saying that he is right, that is a lot and that he doesn’t want to deal with this.

But when has Alex backed down from a challenge. Henry was bearing his fears for him, was being vulnerable and was letting Alex in with no knowledge as if he is going to stay. He is fucking brave, Alex could never.

“Henry, you are incredible. I am in awe. Truly. You are brave, and I just want to be with you, in any way you’ll have me.”

Henry is looking at him with wide eyes, shining from tears that haven’t been spilled yet.

“I mean it. If you think you are not ready for a relationship, we can be friends or if you want to take it slow, we can do that, too.”

“Bloody Hell,” Henry whispers.

“What?”

“Why are you so perfect?”

Alex can help but laugh. “Oh, sweetheart. I am not perfect by far.”

He thinks that if Henry has told him all of this, he deserves to know Alex’s darkness, too.

“I have ADHD, I can text a lot and talk a lot, for hours even. I can’t let things go, and that affects all of the aspects of my life. In work means I can get obsessed with one thing and I will not stop working on it until my lashes fall off. I have fallen asleep more times than I would like to admit over my desk and all of the cleaning team knows me by name. Sometimes when I get to caught up, I forget to text back, or to call or even important dates. If I am too deep in an investigation, it could be about whatever thing, the rest of the world blurs around me. I am a perfectionist and I thrive on validation, but I think I’m always right. I wear glasses, but I refuse to wear them in public, even if I haven’t slept that night and my eyes can’t stop tearing and stinging. I have insomnia, so I sleep terribly and very little, that means that I am addicted to coffee, I drink it all the fucking time. I have tendency to be auto destructive, when I was younger, and I argued with my father, or I had some struggle, I used to steal his jeep and I used to go a remote part and drive as fast as I could or get black out drunk. Now, I run until my feet bleed. When my parents divorced, I stopped believing in long term relationships. So, I’ve been scared of commitment ever since, because I don’t want to get hurt. I’m scared of letting someone in and that then they’ll think I am too much, and they leave.” He breathes, he realizes he has said everything almost without a space in between words.

Henry is gaping at him. Speechless.

“Also, I’m prone to panic attacks. So. Yup. Not perfect, and a lot. If you don’t want to do anything with me, I’ll understand,” he says.

Without adding anything else, Henry takes the front of his work shirt and pushes him towards his body. Henry crashes their lips together.

“I like you, Alex. Even after only one date. I’m sorry for all of this.”

“Do not apologize for things that aren’t your fault. I like you, too.”

Henry pecks his lips. They stay in each other's embracement for a little while, relishing in their warmth.

“Stay the night?” Henry whispers, unsure.

“Of course.” If that is what Henry wants, he will stay all the nights he needs. Even if it means getting up an hour early to make it on time to work.

💌

They put a movie, Henry gives Alex some leftovers he had from dinner (after fussing over him when he realizes that Alex hadn’t eaten anything but coffee since his lunch break), but Alex can tell that the conversation took too much out of Henry, as he falls asleep against Alex the first half hour.

He nudges Henry, “Hey, Henry.” Nothing. “Henry, sweetheart.” Henry hums. “C’mon, baby, lets get you to bed.”

That. The "baby". Gets him a reaction out of Henry. Alex will have that in mind for future references.

Henry is still unmoving. So. He decides to take drastic measures. He passes one hand under Henry’s legs and the other under his back and pushes upwards. Carrying him bridal style. When he feels that the sofa is not longer under him, Henry yelp, holding his arms around Alex’s neck and borrowing his head in the dip of his neck.

“You are insane.”

“Do not let the gym hours go to waste, baby.”

Henry whines and Alex smiles against his hair, leaving a kiss on top of his head.

It should be impractical to carry a six-foot something man, given the fact that Alex is shorter than him. But he makes it work.

After some guidance, he makes it to Henry’s bedroom.

💌

There is a buzz somewhere in the room. Alex groans. He feels so good. He doesn't want to move ever. The buzz is still going.

“’Lex…” a hoarse voice says. “That’s your alarm.”

“No…” he whines.

“Came on, you don’t want to be late for work.”

“Yes, I want.”

He still has his eyes closed, he feels as if everything is a vivid dream, and he’ll wake up to an empty bed.

Then he starts feeling small kisses in his face. He reluctantly opens his eyes.

“There you go, love.”

He meets Henry’s blues. “Good morning,” he whispers. He thinks he hasn’t slept this good in a long time. So maybe he is the one asking Henry if he can stay more nights.

They get up, even after Alex protests. And Henry ushers him to the shower.

Alex is getting dressed when he sees the time. He had forgotten to set the alarm earlier, so he has no time to go home and change. Fuck. He is going to have to wear the same clothes. He tries to think if he has any clean shirt in his office, he remembers that he used the last clean one he had the other week after spilling hot coffee all over himself.

He decides that he can ask Henry, and if he succeeds, he will definitely have an excuse to see him again. Even if he has a good feeling about all of this.

Alex walks out the bedroom and makes his wat to the open kitchen. He finds Henry brewing their drinks and breakfasts.

“Hey,” he says.

Henry turns and Alex can see his breath hitch. He can’t help but feel a bit smug over it. He is shirtless, as he was about to ask Henry to burrow one. He is only wearing suit pants, his hair a bit wet from the shower. He is confident on his looks, sue him.

“Hi,” he sounds strangled. He coughs. “I made you coffee and a toast, I have butter and some jam if you want…” Henry’s eyes are fixed in his torso.

“Eyes are up here, baby,” Alex comments, getting closer to him. Henry stares straight into his eyes. Alex huffs a laugh. “Thanks for the breakfast,” he says, taking the mug of the counter.

Henry rests his back against the kitchen’s island, without thinking it, Alex slots himself between Henry’s legs. “I could get used to wake up like this.”

Henry hums in approval. “You say that, because you weren’t the one whose space was taken up by an octopus.”

Alex makes an offended sound and, after carfully placing the mug behind Henry on the island, he starts tickling him. Henry laughs and tries to push him away, while he cries insults.

When Alex calms down, Henry burries his head in his neck and whispers, “I was joking, love, best sleep I had in ages.”

Alex smiles.

💌

💌

At the end, he makes it on time to work. Henry’s shirt a bit wrinkled after their make out session by the door, but he doesn’t have any important meetings that day. So. Whatever.

Before leaving Henry handed a thermos full of coffee that he is sipping on his way to his office. Alex feels some kind of way about all of it.

“Good morning, Alexander,” a voice chants. He turns and sees Bea with the biggest smile he has ever seen on her face.

“Morning, Bea.”

“You look good. Nice shirt.”

That’s weird. Her eyes are calculating. Alex’s knows without any realm of doubt that she somehow knows.

“Thanks.”

He tries to go into his office.

“You know… Hen has one exaclty like that, I gave it to him as a present for his brithday. I think it was a bit loose on him. Funny, right?”

Fucking busted.

“I’ll explain,” he says.

“You better.” And walks over her own department.

Couple hours into his day and his phone rings. He is a bit startled about it.

“Hello?”

“Hi, love,” Henry’s voice flutters through the line.

“Hey, baby, to what do I owe you the pleasure?” He smiles thinking about the possibility of Henry blushing after the pet-name.

“I just read your messages; I figured it would be more likely for you to get the information if I called you, I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” The end of the sentece was entoned with shyness, as if he hadn’t thought about it at the moment and now is met with uncertainty.

“Nah, do not worry. I have a relaxed day, today.”

Henry hums. “does that mean that you’d leave at a normal hour?”

“Hey… that was mean.”

“Sure, love.”

Alex thinks that the buterflies that he feels in his stomach are about to send him into a sick leave (Henry would make a great nurse) (and technically it’s his fault that he feels like this) (Henry in a nurse costume…) (stop).

“So, you hadn’t told me why you are calling. Not that I’m not happy to just listen to your voice.”

He hears Henry soft laugh.

“I called you about the messages you sent me earlier. I wanted to apologize for the whole shirt fiasco, I didn’t remember it this morning. Honestly, the shirt looks way better on you, darling.” Alex is about to pass out. “Also… I wanted to say...”

Henry doesn’t go on. Alex waits for him to gather his thoughts.

“What, baby?”

“Just, you asked what you should tell her. I… you can tell her whatever you want, Alex. Whatever you feel like sharing. I don’t mind. I do not keep secrets form her, so. It truly is up to you. And if she is crossing a line, if I’m crossing a line, also say it.”

“Oh, Henry. I asked because I overshare about things that are important to me. I didn’t want to do anything that would make you unconfortable.”

Henry sighs. “I know we talked about this last night, but I need you to stop being this perfect.”

Alex laughs. “Well, excuse me for being a decent human being.”

“Not excused. How terrible it is if I say that It’s hot that you respect my boundaries this much?”

“Not terrible. Just makes me want to punch assholes in the face, but I like that you find me hot.”

The conversation is crossing so many uncharted territories —territories that they, for sure, shoudn’t even be charting while at work. Alex has to stop this, but he can’t.

And he is as glad as he is annoyed that Bea cames in. She doesn’t even knock, giving Alex a fucking scare.

“Lunch time, bloody finnally. I have to tell you what stunt Hunter pulled today. Oh shit, I didn’t realize you were on the phone.” She sits on the other chair, in front of his desk.

“Do you have somewhere to be? Sorry,” Henry says on the other line, when he hears voices by Alex’s side of the phone.

“Just Bea. It’s our lunch break.”

When she hears that she is mentioned, Bea stares at him, assesing the situation. Looks at Alex and he can see her brain wheels working.

“Oh, I leave you to it then, love. Talk later.”

“Okay. Bye, baby.”

Now Bea is on the edge of her seat.

“Was that Henry? Tell me it was Henry. If it was not him, I swear to God, Claremont-Díaz.”

“It was!” he says a bit louder. He could feel the daggers about to start being shot by her glare. “He called me about something that I asked, and we were… uh… cathching up with our days.”

She seems more calmed now.

“Okay. So, you talked?”

“Yep. Last night.”

She nods and, finally, Alex sees the gleam in her eyes.

“I fucking knew it. My baby bro is a weak, weak man.” She takes her phone.

“What- what are you doing?”

“Texting Pez,” she hums.

💌

“What do you mean you can’t come?” He says, throwing himself into the couch dramatically. He huffs and cover his eyes with his forearm.

“I’m sorry, lil bit. But I can’t get away from this one.” June looks at him apologetically.

Alex is about to face one of the worse things that can happen to him. A work event on his own. Nora es out of town for a convention, so he is alone here. Well, he is with Bea, so he is not completely alone. Thank God for her. It’s not that Alex is antisocial or like he doesn’t talk to anyone. He is nice and gets along with mostly everyone, but it’s always nice to know that you have someone on your side.

So, he is fine. He’ll get over it, he is just being dramatic.

“Henry agrees with me, you are being an abandónica, Junebug.”

“Shut it!” she screams from the kitchen. “I hate that you have someone who legally and romantically has to indulge in your nonsense.”

“Wow, gracias, feeling the love.”

“Eres peor que un dolor de muelas.”

“Whatever.”

It has been like a month and a half since their conversation, they are still navigating what being together means, but Alex things they are making a stellar job out of it.

The first bad day Henry had after The Talk, went more or less like the one prior to it. Henry dropped off the face of the Earth leaving all texts unanswered and Alex wondering. He crashed Bea’s office and asked what he could do. She, at first, tried to dissuade him from acting on it, but then she saw how deeply Alex cared for Henry, and gave him a step by step guide of the things she usually does when his brother gets like this.

At first it wasn’t easy, Henry didn’t want Alex to see him like that, but he wouldn’t leave without knowing if Henry had eaten or if he was at least taken a bit care of himself. After stating that he cares about him and that he wants to be sure that nothing happens to him, Henry stared at him with his big blue eyes, the dark purple bags under them. He, then took Alex by the arm and pulled him to his bed, told him to just hold him until he could sleep. When his breath evened and he relaxed in his arms, Alex slowly left the room and started making dinner. When Henry woke up from his nap, he walked into the kitchen a bit disorientated, he saw Alex humming a ranchera and started crying and apologizing. Alex held him and made a silent promise of being here for him no matter what —even if their story is not forever.

The went out in weekly dates and met for lunch, even if Bea started to call him out for leaving her stranded. Somedays Henry convinced Alex of leaving office early and went to pick him up, then they cooked dinner in Alex apartment (“cooked” as in Alex cooks and Henry sits on the counter, looking pretty, and reading out loud).

Overall, things were looking great. Alex has never felt this happy with someone. All his life thinking he will never have this kind of connection.

The night of the event he sends Henry a picture if his outfit.

💌

He arrives to the dinner; the event is flashy, and everything looks expensive. It makes Alex gag a bit, honestly.

He automatically starts to look for Bea and the open bar. Not in any particular order.

He finds her and calls her name. She turns. However, she is not alone. And the sight that welcomes Alex makes his knees buckle.

Henry is there. He, Alex guesses, is Bea’s plus one. And Alex is about to vanish.

Henry looks almost edible. He is wearing a black tux that accentuates his waist and Alex need to place his hands there like yesterday. His hair is shiny, styled in a way that he hasn’t seen before, but suits his bone structure perfectly (he thinks Pez had a lot to do with all of this). It’s getting difficult to breath in here. Absentmindedly, he tugs the collar of his shirt, trying to make the air go down his lungs. He knows he finds all Henry facets hot, but he was not ready to see him all dressed up.

Next to him, Bea looks stunning in her also black backless dress. She smiles at him, Alex knows she has, once again, read his mind. He might ask how she does it.

Fucking Foxes, he musses as he walks to them.

“Hello, Alex,” Bea greets him too happily. He mumbles a hello and kisses her cheek. Then looks at Henry, who smiles at him sheepishly.

“Hello, darling.”

Alex debates internally whether to go for a kiss or settle with other form of greeting. He stares at Henry for what feels like hours, and finally decides to fuck it. If Richards or Hunter feel uncomfortable because he kisses hello his hot as fuck boyfriend, they can shove their bigotry up their asses.

He leans in and pecks his lips. “Hi, baby,” he whispers. He can tell that Henry was not expecting the kiss, but if his gummy smile is anything to go by, he is pleased by it.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“Well, both you and Bea couldn’t stop complaining about how horrible this thing was, so I needed to witness it with my own two eyes. Also, to be your emotional support outside person.”

Alex heart is dancing in his chest. He knows it then and there. He will fall in love with that man. And after he does it, there will not be a turning back. He feels it in his bones. And he is quite alright with it.

💌

Alex is talking with an investor, Henry by his side, Bea lost somewhere, he is trying to maintain his eyes open. This thing is fucking boring.

The investor walks away, and Alex and Henry stand there, talking with each other. Their bubble quickly busted by none other than Hunter. “Fuck” Alex mutters. Henry places a hand in the lower part of his back.

“Good afternoon, gents,” Hunter says. Next to him a pretty girl is smiling at them.

“Hello, Hunter.”

“Let me to finally introduce you to my girlfriend,” he comments as if it’s something that Alex has been interested in for a long time. “Lucy, this is Alex and his… brother?”

Alex is not sure if he wants laugh, scream, tear his hair or Hunter’s hair. He is pretty much shocked. Because, you have to be the most fucking blind person in the world to not be able to pick their relationship status.

“Hunty, babes, I don’t think-” Lucy is cut by a fierce looking Henry.

“I’m his boyfriend, actually.”

Hunter gapes at them. “Oh. Right. Um, I am super inclusive, I have…” They will never know what Hunter has (and Alex is grateful), as Bea finds them again.

“Hello,” she says, sensing something is off.

“I am, however, Bea’s brother if you want to know. Nice to meet you, Lucy. Hunter,” Henry says and nods at them. He turns and takes Alex with him, Bea follows them, wondering what the hell she just walked into.

“Well, that’s Hunter for you, baby.”

“Wow,” Henry exhales.

“Yup.”

After that, they don’t see Hunter much. Alex is not sure what happened, but he really couldn’t care less. They mingle for a bit. Alex introduces Henry to Zahra and Shaan.

“You are the one who is making him work only his paid hours and cut the coffee consumption?” She asks with a serious look.

“I suppose.”

“Fucking finally,” she smiles. Shaan smiles at her fondly.

She has a soft spot for him. Alex is so fucking sure.

💌

When Alex couldn’t find Zahra or Shaan anymore, he took it as his cue to leave. He grabbed Henry and signaled Bea the door and made a clean exit.

They called an uber, dropped Bea at her place and rode together to Alex’s flat. When they got there, he whispered, “stay,” Henry nodded and left the car. They stayed in silence the way up the apartment.

Alex opens the door and they both take off their shoes and leave them by the door. Something in his chest brights as he realizes that Henry knows his routines and adapts to them seamlessly.

“Will Davey be fine without his dad?” he murmurs as he closes the distance between their bodies.

“He is with a neighbor who also has a puppy, he probably won’t miss me, the traitor,” Henry says back, smiling.

“All men do is lie.”

Henry laughs, a carefree, beautiful laugh. Alex wishes he could bottle it up, so he can let it out when he feels sad or lonely. So, Henry’s laugh could bright up everywhere he goes.

They make it to Alex’s room, leaving pieces of clothing behind in giggles and hushes.

When he sees Henry naked in his room for the first time, he thinks he blacks out for a bit. The haven’t gotten this far yet. It was Alex’s first experience with a guy and Henry wanted to show him everything. So, the had done things, just not this particular one. And suddenly, Alex felt every nerve in his body come alive.

“Are you alright, love?” Henry asks, frowning.

“Fucking great,” he says, “it’s just that I’m not sure what to do…”

Henry cradles his face in his hands. “Alex, you know the basics. The mechanics are, essentially the same if you want to do the, you know… fucking tonight. If you want to try other things, we can do that too.”

Alex swallows. “I just want it to be perfect for you.”

“It will be, trust me, my love.”

Henry sits Alex in the edge of the bed, and he gets on his lap. They kiss ardently. Alex lets this feeling wash over him until he forgets his fears.

“Do you want to open me up?” Henry asks in between kisses. There is no way Alex can deny that. He sees Henry lay down, his chest to the mattress, placing a pillow under him. Alex retrieves the supplies and places himself behind Henry. When his boyfriend arches his back more, Alex thinks he has died.

“You there, love?” Henry says, looking over his shoulder. He is met with a wild-eyed Alex, staring at him with his bottomless brown eyes.

“I think I’ve just had a religious experience.”

Henry smiles at him and shakes his ass playfully. Oh, Alex is not surviving.

With Henry’s guidance he eases a finger in, then another.

“A- Alex, there, up, yes…” an echo of moans, directions and chuckles fills the room.

When Alex is three fingers deep, Henry starts to move, fucking himself in Alex’s hand. What a sight to behold, honestly. When Henry starts to tremble, he knows he has found his prostate.

“Good?”

“Bloody brilliant.”

Alex places a hand on Henry’s hip to still him, so he can continue with his own ministrations, until Henry is begging for him to get inside him. And, you know, it’s not like he can deny such a demand.

He asks Henry to lay his back, kissing his left shoulder before he turns. And brackets him with his arms, being carful to not place his weight on him. He kisses him intensely, trying to convey all his emotions into one touch of their lips. Even if what is going on inside him is too big, he doesn’t grasp it completely.

He puts the condom on his leaking cock, that he has been refusing to acknowledge since he started opening Henry, too focused on his boyfriend’s pleasure. But now, he thinks he is going to explode. He fetches the lube and pours on his dick and on Henry. Then he starts to push past the rim.

“I think we should get tested,” Henry whispers in his ears. “So, the next time we can do it bare, and I can feel you. All of you. Filling me.”

Alex tries to suppress a moan, he fails.

“Marking me as yours.”

Oh fuck.

“I was wrong,” Alex says against Henry’s neck, when he is all in.

“About what, love.”

“This is how a religious experience feels.”

Henry kisses his cheek and tells him to start moving.

He slowly finds a pace; Henry wraps his legs around his waist and tells him to go faster.

“Yes, yes, yes.”

Alex takes one of his legs and starts to push them higher, higher until he places over his shoulder.

“Oh,” its almost an exhale. And he knows he has found the spot again. He continues angling his hips to that point.

Henry goes uncharacteristically quiet, throwing his head back, bearing his neck for Alex to kiss.

Whispers of “Alex,” over and over, fall from his boyfriend’s lips. His hands buried in his curls.

“Alex, touch me,” he says with a broken moan. “Touch me, touch me, I’m close.”

Alex hums. “Where do you want me to touch you, baby.”

Henry whines. He takes one of his hands, making him rest mostly all his weight only on one arm, but he doesn’t really care in that moment. Henry wraps his hand around his cock, moving his own hand to the pace he needs, so Alex knows.

“That, there, yes. Perfect. You are doing amazing, love.”

Alex is not even sure if Henry knows what he is saying, bit he is realizing that maybe all this praise is getting him going.

He goes faster and harder, per Henry’s command, and he can feel the familiar build up in his lower stomach as well.

“Henry, I’m coming,” he says hoarsely.

“C’mon, love. Do it, come for me.”

It doesn’t take much more. He is spilling inside de condom. Not much after, Henry is doing the same all over his hand with a breathless laugh, Alex wants tattooed in his forehead.

They bask in the afterglow, still joint together. Until Alex has to pull out, because the feeling is getting to be entirely, too much.

💌

After Henry went to the bathroom and cleaned them with a towel, they just stayed there, talking and sharing parts of the other that they had kept close to their hearts until then.

Henry takes Alex’s hand. Brings it to his lips and kisses it, stares at their fingers intertwined.

“I want to tell you something. It might dampen the mood a bit, but I want you to know this.”

“It’s okay, baby, I’m listening.”

Henry smiles at him. He knows, Alex will always be listening.

“The days after our first date,” he starts, he can feel Alex tense at the mention of those days. “well, I guess first I need to clarify, my dark moods or whatever you want to call them, typically don’t have a reason. They just happen. But there are rare occasions where things, moments, dates or people can send me into a spiral and in consequence, into a bad day.”

Alex nods. Makes sense.

“So, um. I got home after our date. And I was happy, elated. I told Bea and Pez everything, I truly couldn’t believe this was happening to me. When I woke up that day, I kind of wanted to call my dad. For a couple of seconds, I forgot. This used to happen to me a lot the first couple of years, but it hadn’t happened in a while. I got so overwhelmed by the sadness of knowing that he was not here, the grief of knowing that he would never meet you, and you would never meet him. I also felt a bit stupid, because I didn’t know you but I could picture you perfectly gossiping with my father. So… yes.”

The silence fills the room. Alex is incapable of muttering a word.

“Have I rendered you speechless, darling?”

“I am so fucking sorry, baby,” he whispers. And pulls Henry closer to his chest. “I would have loved meeting him. I’m sure he has so much shit about you.” That, at least, gives him a watery laugh.

💌

“I also want to confess something.”

They are dressed in their underwear, making hot chocolate as Alex had a craving. Henry rises his brows.

“Do tell.”

“Alright. Fuck. The first time that I saw you was on a picture Bea posted on Instagram,” he says. Henry looks at him astonished. And Alex goes on and tells him the whole story, the stalking and the meddling sister-doing.

When he finishes, the chocolate is done, and Henry is sipping it contently. “So, you had a crush on me. That’s so embarrassing, love.”

Alex groans. “Shut up, you are so annoying.” Henry leans over the kitchen table and kisses him.

“I have another thing. This is more embarrassing, so like, bear with me.”

“Oh, well. You are full of surprises tonight, dear.” Alex has to refrain from making a joke about being full.

He goes to pick up his work laptop, charges the corporate e-mail account and shows the screen to Henry. “We found you work e-mail, and I started writing to you, even if I didn’t send them. It was like a journal, mostly. I’m not sure why I started writing them. I guess deep down I knew I could trust you, even if I just knew you through Bea’s words. They go up until our first date and one I wrote the day we talked. Then I stopped. I had the real deal, so why bother.” He ends with a shy smile. “I’m sorry if it’s weird.

 Henry looks at him, he has that look in his eyes, the one that had the first time Alex was in his apartment and has seen some more times now. Like he cannot believe Alex is real.

“Can I… can I read them?”

“Yes, of course. They are for you. For your eyes only.”

Henry beams at him.

Alex thinks he just has to find a way to send them to Henry without setting all the filters imposed by HR off.

He kisses Henry. That is Monday-Alex problem.

💌

Alex is a man who has faced the reality of knowing he will never stay the same. But he knows, in his soul, that there are simple truths, statements if you will, that will never change. And he has spent the last year correcting his list so it can be closer to the reality.

1. He loves Texas, it will always be home.
2. He loves his mother’s ribs recipe.
3. He feels guilty about June leaving everything behind to move to New York so she could take care of him.
4. He loves June, even if he doesn’t say it that much.
5. When he was twelve and his parents divorced while he was away in summer camp and came home to all his father’s things moved out, something in him stopped believing in the concept of “love for a lifetime.” When he was twelve and his parents divorced while he was in summer camp he developed a fear of commitment, when he was twenty-six and met Henry Fox, he realized that “love for a lifetime” existed. It was just hard to find.
6. He doesn’t think he is made for long term relationships. He was put in this Earth to love Henry forever.
7. He can’t stand Hunter or bigoted assholes.
8. Nora crashing into his life is the best thing that has ever happened to him, even if their story is weird. Meeting Nora definitely is one of the most important things that happened in his life, but meeting Bea and Henry (even Pez) are up there, too.
9. He was the one who caused the cake to fall in his prima’s wedding, although he blamed her dog (sorry, Perla). But he will never admit it and he will take that to the grave (he told Henry).
10. Zahra has a soft spot for him.
11. Shaan from HR and Zahra have a thing going on (they announced their marriage, only to him and Bea).
12. He is straight. He is bisexual.

And observing as Henry takes his things out of carton boxes and into his now shared flat, he knows he hasn’t been as sure of anything ins his life.