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It shouldn’t have been a surprise when Alan had asked about his mother aboard Thunderbird Two, but in the moment it had caught Jeff off guard. Given everything that the Hood had put them through that day, all the snide comments and remarks he had made about their organisation, Jeff would have likely seen it coming eventually. He just would have liked to have recovered from their rough re-entry to earth and the damage caused to their home first.
Had he had the chance to mull over the day as a whole, he’d have likely seen the question coming, perhaps even been able to pre-empt it. Instead, it had been over a week and nothing more had been said in relation to Lucy.
He had asked John about it quietly, when the others had been away to their beds and he had bumped into the second eldest hunting down extra painkillers in the kitchen. A long overdue conversation had followed, how they all missed their mother but had been too fearful of hurting one another to ever say much about her. Alan had never really known her, and it had taken Jeff himself a long time to even look back at the photos that decorated his desk, the other four had marked the subject taboo and Jeff had never even noticed.
It was a testament to his and John’s relationship that he hadn’t blinked when Jeff had called him out on his comment about ‘doing a great job’ the night Alan had arrived home for spring break. Instead his fellow astronaut had laughed with a slight wince as his ribs had protested, before explaining that he had known what Jeff had needed to hear that night, and it hadn’t been criticism of his parenting style.
What it also hadn’t apparently been, was a lie, John had quickly assured.
“We should talk about her more.” Had been his closing comment when he had risen to his feet to head to his room, the hint too strong for Jeff to really ignore.
He hadn’t gone to bed that night, instead hunting through storage boxes that he had never been sure about opening back up.
It had taken him another week to find the right time, between repairing the damage caused by the Hood and filing reports to the appropriate authorities; the moment had never seemed right to bring up something that had laid dormant for so long.
The bruises were mostly healed though, and the house mostly back to normal, the parts for repairing the hangars and Thunderbird Five would take a few more weeks to arrive, but that was the least of Jeff’s worries given all they had been through. He had planned to bring it up after the barbeque, once they had all settled out on the pool deck with their newly fledged members.
As always though, the world had other ideas.
A request for aid after a space shuttle launch had gone awry had seen all the boys away from home late into the night, and all plenty exhausted by the time they had made it back home.
It hadn’t been until well into the next afternoon that he had bumped into Alan in the hallway between their rooms,
“Alan, you got a minute?”
His eyes immediately went wide as he gaped, “I didn’t—“
Jeff shook his head, holding up both hands, it was so like the kid to assume that something was wrong, that he had done something wrong. He knew it was down to how he had parented the kid over the last few years, sending him away to private school and ignoring the loud and clear cries for attention that Alan had so desperately needed.
“You did a great job out there yesterday,” He assured quickly, reaching out to catch the kid’s shoulder, “but that’s not what this is about.”
“It’s… not?”
Jeff paused, suddenly very aware of how badly he could read Alan’s expression, “Did something happen out there that wasn’t discussed at debrief?”
The kid gaped, eyes still panicked as he clearly tried to figure out just how to explain, “I-- it wasn’t--”
None of them had said anything in the early hours as they had quickly run through a debrief, Virgil had sung Alan’s praises in his co-piloting aboard Two with next to no snark aimed towards the youngest.
“I told Virgil his approach to the viewing platform was the wrong angle, he told me not to distract him when he was dealing with the cross-winds.”
Jeff paused for a moment, thinking through the implications and trying to figure out what Alan wasn’t telling him, “Did he listen to you?”
Alan shrugged, “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does. You’re part of this team now kid, your opinion matters too and we all need to learn to respect that.” He reached out to clasp his other shoulder, “I’m sorry we’ve not been better at listening to you.”
Alan gaped again, words not forming for a long moment before he simply looked down to the floor.
Jeff swallowed and took his moment, “What I wanted to talk to you about was your Mom, you made me realise the other week that I’ve not shared her with you anywhere near enough.”
“I didn’t mean--” He looked up quickly, “Scott always said it hurt too much to talk about her.”
“It did.” He admitted softly, “But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. I dug out some old photos and videos if you wanted to take a look?”
Alan’s smile was soft in a way that was all Lucy as he looked up to Jeff, “Can I?”
“I’ll even tell you some stories if you’d like?” He smiled back, “On one condition though?”
It hurt that his face fell so quickly back into fear.
“I want to know what’s been going on at school and why you’re so desperate to not go back.”
The hallway wasn’t really the place for such a conversation, not with how Alan was reacting to every question Jeff found himself asking. Jeff didn’t doubt that anyone passing through could easily break the moment and cause Alan to brush everything off as fine.
As far as Jeff was concerned, things hadn’t been fine for a long while.
“Nobody understands me there.” Alan mumbled, his eyes dropping to the carpet again, “Everyone there thinks I’m just a spoiled kid who’s billionaire family doesn’t have time for. They don’t know me, not really.”
There was fire in the end of his words, the way his fists clenched at his sides telling Jeff it was a long bore frustration that had simmered under the surface for long enough.
“Do you think there’s any truth in that?”
He almost feared the answer.
“I--” Alan looked up, anger flickering in his features that was as obvious as his mother’s always had been, before it faded, “You’re all so busy with the business and International Rescue, it’s okay, I get it.”
“But you’re my kid.” He found himself countering before he could really put any thought into it, “What’s going on in your life is always going to be important to me. Why do you think I came running when I heard about the fire at Dunbar?”
Alan shrugged, a heavy sigh pulling his shoulders further down as he looked around the hallway, anywhere but at Jeff.
“I thought you were mad.”
And he had been.
But he’d also been scared.
“I was.” He admitted, “But only once I knew you were safe.”
“I didn’t mean for it to explode.”
There was a wobble in the kid’s voice that Jeff hadn’t been privy to for years.
“I know you didn’t, kid.” He sighed, catching his chin, waiting for him to look back at him, “And I’m sorry I’ve not been better at talking to you.”
For letting every shrugged comment about school slide, for not listening when he was screaming for help, for not being there to talk when he should have been.
“Come here.” Jeff sighed, offering a hug that Alan gladly accepted.
He wasn’t sure when the youngest had gotten so tall or when his shoulders had filled out quite so much, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t still hold onto him like the little boy he once had been.
“I’m going to do better, I promise you that Alan.”
Neither acknowledged as he clung on tighter to Jeff’s t-shirt, both just taking the moment for what it was and savouring it.
If Alan heard John slip out of his room, he didn’t acknowledge it, the second eldest only paused long enough to send a knowing look in Jeff’s direction like he had known all along that some bridges needed mending. Jeff didn’t put it past him, he’d always been intelligent like that.
“Can we go and look at those photos now?” Alan asked as he pulled back, swiping at his nose as he did.
Jeff smiled, “Absolutely.”
There would still be repairs to be made, branches to be offered across a chasm that had grown too wide, but it was a start. He knew he’d fail again, probably sooner than he would like to, but he was willing to learn and to do his best.
For himself, his boys, and his wife, Jeff Tracy would do better.