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“No sign of any unusual activity outside,” Farah said, wiping the lens of the security camera with her sleeve to clear a smudge. “I know you’re just being careful, Dirk, but-”
“But Blackwing is still out there,” Dirk reminded her, sitting at the front desk of the detective agency. “I would much rather be careful, you understand.”
Farah gave him an irked look. “I like to be careful, yes, but paranoia is another thing entirely.”
“And you wouldn’t know anything about that,” Todd said from the other side of the room, peeking over a haphazard structure of IKEA pine. He was assembling a shelf.
Shooting him a glare, Farah finished repositioning the camera before checking the live video feed on her phone to make sure it was connected properly. “How do you even know that Blackwing is still interested in you?” She asked, deciding not to respond to Todd’s question.
Dirk scoffed. “They are professionally interested in me, Farah. They’ll be looking.”
“Yeah but-” Farah sighed. “You were free for what, sixteen years? That’s a lot of time, Dirk. Why didn’t they catch you before that?”
Because the projects had already dispersed by that point. Because Riggins gave up. Because funding dried up once they realized how difficult it was to contain people like Dirk. Because he had fled the country for fear of being brought back, only returning when the universe demanded it. And even then, he was incredibly reluctant, sitting on the plane across the ocean looking out the window wondering if he was going to be apprehended the moment he stepped onto American soil again.
“Because I’m a likeable person at first blush but when you have to deal with me for,” he paused, counting in his head. “… Several, at minimum five, but possibly as many as ten years, you come to realize that I’m actually quite insufferable…?” It was an attempt at a joke.
Todd poked his head up again, his mouth open to say something, but he quickly shut up as Farah shot daggers at him with her glare. Her glaring muscles were getting quite the workout today, Dirk thought to himself.
“Whatever,” muttered Farah. The frustration left her eyes momentarily as she looked down at Dirk. “Just- stop worrying. Leave that to me. That’s my job. You focus on all the,” she waved a hand vaguely. “Universe stuff. Find your next case.”
“That’s not quite how it works,” Dirk said, pushing off from the desk in his rolling chair and spinning slowly. He held up a finger, preparing to explain. “I can’t just find a case, a case has to-”
“Yes, we know, Dirk,” Todd said, standing up from behind the shelf. He leaned against it, then quickly stopped as it creaked conserningly. “Cases find you. I just hope that one finds you soon. Renting out this place isn’t cheap.”
Dirk scoffed. “We don’t have to worry about bills, Todd. We have Farah!” He beamed in Farah’s direction.
Todd looked at him incredulously. “Farah’s investment is limited. We can’t just survive off of her funds until another case rolls along.”
“Yes we can,” said Dirk. “A million is a lot, Todd. And Farah has four of them.”
“I mean-” Todd faltered. “Yeah but it’s the principle. I feel bad relying so much on her money.”
“Don’t be,” Farah waved a dismissive hand. “I’m willing to keep this thing running as long as it takes. But- even then, we shouldn’t be sitting around hoping someone walks in that door. We need to at least look for a case. Don’t give me that look, Dirk. I can tell you’re getting restless.”
“I actually prefer it when no one is trying to kill me,” Dirk said, twisting to spin the chair in the opposite direction. “And when no one around me is dying. Just personal preference.”
“Yeah, you know I’ve actually been really enjoying the normalcy,” Todd said, walking over to Dirk’s chair and putting his hands on the back of it. Dirk gave him an upset look until he spun the chair again. “After the Patrick Spring case, we were on the run, then were thrown right into the next case. It’s nice to have a breather.”
“Mm,” Dirk nodded wisely as he spun. “Yes, Todd. You are saying lots of good words, in an even better order. It is very nice to have a bit of a breather. Think things over and… things.”
Farah leaned against the desk. She ran a hand over her face. “Fine,” she gave in. “I’ll let it go for now. But I would be happier if we had a case within a month. Because you’ve been spinning in that chair for going on a minute now and it’s starting to get worrying.”
“Shit-!” Todd stumbled back as Dirk stuck out his leg to stop himself spinning, his foot colliding rather abruptly with Todd’s thigh.
“Sorry,” said Dirk, cringing. He then glanced over at the shelf Todd had been assembling. “Is it supposed to be leaning like that?” He asked.
Todd looked over quickly, eyes growing wide (or wider, as Todd’s eyes didn’t really have a non-wide setting) as the shelf creaked quietly, then toppled sideways with a crash. The three stared at it in silence for a few moments.
“Todd, there are instructions for that,” Farah said quietly. “You just have to follow the instructions.”
“… Yeah,” Todd said. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he looked at Dirk again. “What’s that face for?”
“Nothing,” Dirk said, practically beaming up at Todd and Farah. “Just… happy.”
This was how he imagined things would be when he escaped Blackwing. The idea of this is what had got him through The Case Of The Boy (albeit by the skin of his teeth). This is it, Dirk though. He could finally put everything behind him. This was his life now. Just him and Todd and Farah and their detective agency.
And the nagging thought at the back of his mind that none of anything was anywhere near over. That Priest was alive, and Ken was in charge of Blackwing, and Ken wasn’t afraid to send out Priest, and his room in the facility still existed with his uniforms and bed and that voice that woke him up every morning with an ear-splitting AWAKE AWAKE AWAKE-
“Dirk?” Todd asked. His hand was on Dirk’s shoulder. “You okay?”
Dirk blinked a few times. Plastered another smile onto his face, though he had a feeling this one was less convincing. “Yes,” he said in what he hoped was a steady voice. “Fine.”
__
“They told me this would be a bit like school,” Dirk said to his assistant. “Which it isn’t. There are no classes, really just- the tests. And I’m spectacularly bad at those. I suppose you know all that. Though I’m not sure if they actually do tests on you since you’re always sleeping. That must be nice.”
The steady beep of Francis’ heart monitor filled the room. Dirk sometimes wondered why his friend had always been asleep. Riggins never told him much about the other Projects. Just said he had been that way since he was brought here. He was older than Dirk, but Dirk didn’t mind that. He always listened, and Dirk really looked forward to the days he was brought to see Francis.
“Do you know what a detective is?” Continued Dirk. “I was reading the dictionary the other day, and I knew of course fairly vaguely what they were, but I didn’t know the definition. A detective is a person engaged in detecting lawbreakers or in getting information that is not readily accessible to the public.” He bounced slightly in his seat, excited. “You know who that sounds like? That sounds like me! I am absolutely brilliant at detecting. I used to find missing pets all the time, which is how I think Riggins heard about me…” he faltered slightly. Sometimes he wondered what his life would be like if he hadn’t been brought to Blackwing. Maybe he would still be out there helping people. He shook his head. This was good for him, he thought. This was good for him and he was helping people by being here. He was lucky to be here. “I think you should be my assistant,” he said to Francis. “You don’t really have to do anything, it’s more about the principal. A detective needs an assistant, you know? And you’d make a perfect one. What do you think?”
Francis lay silently. The heart monitor beeped.
Dirk beamed. “I knew you’d agree!”
“Svlad?”
The door behind him had opened, and Dirk hadn’t noticed. He turned in his seat. Riggins stood in the open doorway, smiling kindly at him. “Time to go home.”
Dirk deflated slightly. It hadn’t felt like a very long visit, and he wasn’t finished talking to Francis yet. He turned sadly to his friend.
“See you later,” he said sadly, then reached out and gave the man a pat on the arm.
“Good talk?” Riggins asked quietly as they left the room.
The guards stood on either side of the door, as they always did. It struck Dirk that this was a bit pointless. It’s not like Francis could get up and walk away.
“I’m going to be a detective,” Dirk said happily.
Riggins raised his eyebrows. “Sure,” he said, patting Dirk on the back. “I’m sure you are.”
___
It had been two months since Dirk escaped Blackwing for the second time in his life.
It didn’t feel like long enough.
Sixteen had been a very good number of years, he had thought. More life spent out of Blackwing than in it. He had been thrilled when that balance had been tipped, and despite having gone by the name Dirk Gently for all that time, that was the moment he truly felt like Dirk.
Now he woke in the morning and when he saw the darkness around him, it took him a heart-pounding thirty seconds to remember where he was. He was home. In his own bed. He had friends. He had a detective agency. He was Dirk Gently. But he hadn’t been Dirk Gently for very long now, had he? Only a few months ago he had been Project Icarus, a file which did contain the name Dirk Gently, but also that other name, the one he didn’t use anymore.
The one that Priest had called him. The one that Ken had called him. The one that Riggins had called him.
He pulled his knees up to his chest in the dark and rested his head against them. Something shifted in the bed beside him, something taking shape. The mattress sagged slightly under new weight. Dirk didn’t need to look up to know who it was.
“You were sleeping funny,” said the small, breathy voice of Mona beside him. “Were you having the bad dreams again?”
Dirk shifted his head a bit to look at her in the dark of the room. He could just make out her face.
“You’re not afraid at all, are you?” He asked quietly.
Mona was silent for a few moments before saying slowly, thoughtfully: “They won’t catch me. I only co-operated because they said I would be helping you, Dirk!”
Dirk.
He could tell she was smiling, even if he couldn’t quite make out her face. It made him smile too.
“I’m glad you were there to help when you were,” Dirk said, reaching out blindly and putting a hand on Mona’s shoulder. “Don’t like that you had to be there, of course,” he sighed deeply. “All this feels temporary sometimes, Mona. Todd and Farah and everything… it’s all very nice but I know it won’t last. Not as long as Blackwing is out there. And now I know that they actively want me back. It’s only a matter of time.”
Mona was silent for a good few moments. Then, wordlessly, she wrapped her arms around Dirk’s shoulders and shifted into a heavy blanket. Dirk sighed and lay back down.
“They’re going to take me back again,” he whispered hopelessly. “And Todd and Farah will come looking even though it’s pointless. Because they don’t realize I’m a lost cause. Either that or Priest kills them first and-”
There was a knock on the door. Dirk sat up quickly, pulling Mona tighter around his shoulder. “Todd?” He asked, trying to wipe the emotion from his voice.
“I heard you talking to someone,” Todd said from the other side of the door. “You okay?”
Now that was a question. “Yes,” he lied. “All fine in here, thank-you. Just Mona and I- um- planning tomorrow’s. Things.”
“Could you plan quieter?” Todd asked. “These walls are pretty thin, Dirk.”
After several moments of silence, Todd spoke again. “Dirk? Did you fall asleep?”
“No.”
He had been staring at the darkened wall. Thinking about nighttime protocols in Blackwing. Absolute silence. Laying face up and flat. Waking when woken and getting out of bed within ten seconds of the alarm going off. It was all very strict. Many of those habits Dirk was still trying to shake off.
“… Can I come in?” Todd asked.
“No,” Dirk said again, this time with a scoff. “It’s one in the morning, Todd. Go to sleep.”
“You were the one up talking to Mona,” Todd pointed out. “You go to sleep too, okay?”
“Mona’s not even a person right now so that won’t be an issue!” Dirk said defensively. He lay back down. He felt Mona shift her fabric to something softer and more plush.
Todd didn’t move. Dirk lay in silence, waiting for the sound of footsteps leaving, but they never came. He huffed, frustrated.
“Really, Todd, go to bed!” he said, raising his voice slightly so Todd could hear him from the other side of the door. “I’ll be quiet!”
A few more seconds of silence. Then, finally, Todd spoke again. “Right,” he said in the tone of someone who had something else to say but lost the nerve. “Goodnight, Dirk.”
“Goodnight, Todd,” Dirk replied with a little smile.
Finally, Todd returned to his room next to Dirk’s. Dirk heard his door softly shut, and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Right,” he whispered, half to himself and half to Mona. “Let’s try that again.”
Dirk slept.
__
At first, Dirk had been happy when Mona became a person for his visits. He was flattered that she seemed to want to talk to him, to sit with him, to listen to him. She was around his age appearance-wise, with long, frizzy black hair that she usually kept in a braid. Riggins said that she was a person for most of the day, for safety reasons. But Dirk soon realized that Mona much preferred being pretty much any non-person entity or object.
She particularly loved being objects.
“It’s like…” said Mona slowly and thoughtfully, staring up at the ceiling. She had this careful, soft voice that Dirk found fascinating. “The world is muffled,” she put her hands over her ears to demonstrate. “I’m aware of things but… it’s just less. And the lights aren’t as bright and they don’t hurt my eyes.”
Dirk nodded, understanding what she meant. The lights in Blackwing were very harsh. He sometimes got headaches because of them.
He told Mona that day that she didn’t have to be a person around him if she wanted to. Riggins objected to this at first but quickly relented when he saw how happy the idea made Mona, and how happy Dirk was seeing Mona so excited. So Mona would transform into books or toys or other objects, shifting to things that Dirk liked as she learned his preferences. She would become a stuffed bear when he was upset, sunglasses when he was finding the lights too bright, even costumes for him to wear. A cape, a lab coat, a leather jacket.
Sometimes she would become an etch-a-sketch and Dirk would lay on the floor of his room holding her and talking to her. She would respond with pictures and sometimes words. They talked a lot that way. Dirk told her all about his life before Blackwing, and she tried to tell him about hers. It was difficult for her, though, as her memory had a hard time keeping up with her transformations. Sometimes, before Mona was taken back to her room, Dirk had to remind her that Blackwing wanted her to be a person.
She would shift back and look down at her hands with sad, confused eyes. “Was I always a person?” She asked quietly.
Dirk would tell her that he wasn’t sure. When they found Mona, she had been a chair. Maybe she was born a chair. That always made Mona giggle.
Despite her memory issues, it seemed that Mona always remembered Dirk. As they grew older together they became closer and closer. Dirk truly viewed Mona as a sister. Then Blackwing collapsed inwards on itself because it was impossible to contain people like Mona and Dirk. Suddenly Dirk was out in the world by himself with nowhere to go except forwards and no idea how to start. He supposed the Universe would take him wherever he needed to go.
Mona became a person and stood beside him and held his hand and told him that she needed to see what else there was to be. Dirk understood. He knew that if he needed her, he would find her. He knew this wasn’t goodbye. So Mona kissed him on the cheek and became a leaf, letting the wind sweep her away into a nearby stream. The current carried her away from Dirk and he watched her until she was out of sight. He tried to tell himself that he wasn’t alone. He could do anything he wanted now. Be anyone he wanted to be. And one day, he would see Mona again.
—
Blue jacket, white stripe round each arm. White shirt of course, and a tie with orange dots. That went together, didn’t it? Blue with orange dots? Dirk shrugged and finished putting on his tie. Once he was done, Mona shifted from a mirror to a Panic Pete doll, which Dirk picked up and put in his pocket. But not before giving her a little kiss on the head, just to show appreciation.
Mona hadn’t left his side since Dirk rescued her from Blackwing (rescue is a loose term here, as Mona could have left any time she wanted to). Dirk figured that she was concerned about him. Which was ridiculous. He was fine, clearly.
He checked the security camera app on his phone for the fifth time since waking up half an hour ago. Then he went into the kitchen and gave Todd a cheery wave.
Todd waved back, looking slightly confused. “Weird jacket-tie combo,” he pointed out, pouring himself a mug of coffee.
Dirk glanced down at his tie, then shrugged. “Oh well,” He said, taking a seat at the table. “What’s for breakfast, Todd?”
“Freezer waffles,” Todd said, motioning to the fridge. “You make them. I’m not your personal assistant, Dirk. You’ve got to learn to cook for yourself. You’re an adult.”
“Actually you kind of really are my personal assistant,” Dirk said, getting up from the table. “And do you truly want me to cook? The last time I cooked you shouted at me for setting the oven on fire.”
Todd blinked at him. “Yes, Dirk. Because you set the oven on fire. Think you can manage not to burn the apartment down using the toaster?”
Scoffing, Dirk took the waffles out of the freezer and popped one into the toaster. “Obviously,” he said. “It’s a toaster. I know how to use a toaster,” He stared blankly at the appliance for several seconds.
Todd reached over and, giving Dirk a significant look, pushed down the thingie on the side which Dirk had been incredibly unsure about touching up until this point.
“Ah,” Dirk said with a nod. “Right. That’s- yes. Very good, Todd. You keep outdoing yourself.”
He tapped his finger on the counter as he waited for the waffles to finish toasting. Todd continued to stare at him.
It wasn’t long before Dirk noticed. “Put those eyes away, Todd. You could hurt someone.”
“What’s going on?” Todd asked.
“Nothing,” Dirk said quickly. Mona stirred in his pocket. “What’s going on with you, Todd?”
Todd sighed. He sighed a lot, Dirk noticed. Especially today. “Don’t do that,” he said. “Please don’t- I mean-” he leaned against the counter looking exhausted. “I know something’s going on. I know that it probably has to do with Blackwing. You’ve been paranoid, Dirk. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. I need you to talk about it.”
Dirk shifted uncomfortably. “Well I don’t need to talk about it,” he said. “Because it’s fine. Everything is fine, Todd, so you can stop asking now, although I commend your efforts to assist me in this instance despite the fact that I really don’t n-”
“Dirk,” snapped Todd.
Dirk shut his mouth quickly. On the counter, he curled his fingers in against the palm of his hand. Mona stirred in his pocket once more.
“I know something is up,” pressed Todd. “Something’s been up since Burgsburg, since you fell out of that tree. You keep pretending like it’s fine but I know it isn’t. You can’t run around whispering to Mona and telling the rest of us that everything is alright forever, Dirk. I’m your friend, right? You can talk to me! All I want is for you to admit that something is up! That’s the literal bare minimum.”
For a moment Dirk considered obliging. Opening up to Todd about everything he had been feeling for the past- well- since he left Blackwing again. He opened his mouth. The words refused to come out. They refused to even assemble into a comprehensible order in his mind. What did Todd expect him to say? He had countless years of memories from Blackwing, things he couldn’t even begin to try to put into words. Things he had never really talked about before, even with Mona. Dirk shut his mouth, giving up. He wouldn’t know where to start even if he tried.
Then he took a deep breath.
“I’m trying to enjoy all this, Todd,” he finally said. His voice was strained, and he wished he had better control over how much emotion showed through. “While it lasts, you know. Is that too much to ask?” It was almost a challenge, an accusation.
“While it lasts?” Todd asked in disbelief. “Dirk, this isn’t going to end. The agency, our friendship, any of it. We’re not going anywhere.”
“I know,” Dirk looked down at the counter. “I know that you won’t leave, not on purpose. But you can’t control the universe, Todd. Things will happen. Circumstances will recircumstance themselves. They always do. It’s only a matter of when.”
“Circumstances?”
“Circumstances,” repeated Dirk, still staring down at the counter.
“Dirk…”
Suddenly Todd had crossed the space between them and was hugging him. Tightly.
Dirk wasn’t sure what to do about that. He carefully and somewhat awkwardly wrapped his arms around Todd and pat him on the back. “There there,” he said, voice a bit stilted. “It’s alright, Todd. You’ll be fine without me.”
“Stop,” Todd said sharply. “I told you, Farah and I aren’t going anywh-”
“You know what I mean,” Dirk said quietly. He leaned his head against Todd’s. “I have no say in this. I never do. Things just… happen around me. They always have, and they will keep happening even if I don’t want them to. I only hope that when they happen again, you and Farah aren’t caught in the crossfire.”
An image flashed through his mind. Priest with his obscenely large gun and that horrible glint in his eye. Dirk desperately tried to replace the image with something more pleasant. He didn’t want to think about what Priest would do to Todd and Farah in the name of getting Dirk back.
“Dirk, is this-” Todd assembled the words carefully, his arms squeezing Dirk just slightly. “Is this a holistic… thing? Like- a prophecy, or…”
“I don’t have those,” Dirk corrected quickly. “Not prophecies. Just- feelings.”
“So is this a feeling?”
Dirk was silent for a good few moments. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I never really know. Not until it’s too late, and then everything’s happened and I can’t do anything about it. It feels like… like nothing has happened for a long time. Something is… overdue.”
The words hung in the air around them as they continued to hold each other. Hold each other. That was a nice way of thinking about it. Dirk held Mona all the time, but it was usually in the palm of his hand. Having arms wrapped around him was quite a nice feeling.
“Let’s hope it’s just anxiety,” Todd said quietly. “Feels weird to say but it might be better if this is just residual Blackwing trauma, huh?”
“Hm,” Dirk said. He nodded, though he was unsure of how exactly he felt about that. It was almost liberating, sometimes, when his feelings turned out to be connected. Untethered anxiety didn’t seem like much of an improvement to him.
The toaster went off with a pop, and Dirk and Todd both startled, flying apart. They looked at each other, then at the toaster. Todd looked back at Dirk.
“Well?” He asked expectantly.
“Ah,” Dirk said, wringing his hands together. “Right,” he pulled a fork from the kitchen drawer. Before Todd could stop him, he was sticking it into the toaster to fish out the waffle.
Todd’s shout was so tremendous that it drowned out Dirk’s scream, and when Farah came sprinting down the hallway she thought it was Todd who had hurt himself. Once Todd and Dirk calmed Farah down, Farah treated the burn on Dirk’s hand and gave him an unnecessarily long lecture about conductivity.
Dirk ate his waffle and was silently grateful for the interruption to whatever kind of moment he had just had with Todd. He didn’t want to talk about Blackwing, or the future, or his fears about either. He knew that talking wouldn’t make them go away. He would rather try to enjoy things as they were for as long as they lasted.
Five black cars drove past the apartment that day. Dirk wasn’t bothered by that at all, of course. Not one bit. Because if he allowed himself to be bothered by that, he wouldn’t be enjoying his time with Todd and Farah. Besides, why would Blackwing choose a black car to surveil his apartment? Seems like a fairly obvious colour for a covert government organization. No, Blackwing would pick something less conspicuous. Like red, or yellow.
Ten red cars drove past the apartment that day. And three yellow cars.
Dirk didn’t notice. Not even when he checked on the security cameras. In fact, he very purposefully didn’t notice them. They were cars. Cars are known to drive by apartments. It happens all the time.
Instead of noticing, Dirk enjoyed himself. He was very clear on that matter. And he didn’t even think about Blackwing once. Not even when it crossed his mind.