Work Text:
"he didn't want to look at his own face so he grew his hair long,
he was shy that someone might hear him sing so he only practices when no one is around ,
now Seonghwa is singing as he looks at himself in the mirror"
Something had changed. The broken jigsaw puzzle had mended somehow. Wounds slowly started to heal and world wasn't a mute black and white palette anymore. Instead, colours burst like dreamed-up fireworks covering the sky-dome of blue with brightness so blinding, something inside of him had stirred. He supposed it was inevitable. He used to fear changes, because it only brought more fear and dread, dripping from his being and pouring at his feet like a puddle of dirty water but he came to accept it when tiredness from running away found him like an old friend and wrapped itself around like a blanket. That, he thought, was inevitable as well.
He used to be all kinds of colours and he poured and poured until only a lone shell of a person remained. The day his world turned grey he felt the world turn upside down. Colours had drained, time had stopped like a broken clockwork and a need to hide from everyone had struck him so harshly he cowered in fear. hidehidehide it whispered and so he did. He hid so well, in fact, not even he was able to find himself.
Until he found him.
him - so hollow and life-tired. he - so ethereal and wondrous. It made his heart ache with the feelings he couldn't name yet. Feelings that felt foreign but also startlingly familiar - whirlwind of emotions sweeping over him like a wave threatening to drown him. Frozen time had finally moved like someone pushed the restart button. Seonghwa had awoken from his dream-like state and clung onto this human-shaped angel like he was his saving grace. and he was. later, he found out angel's name. Kim Hongjoong.
Kim Hongjoong - human embodiment of ethereal.
Hongjoong's hair was a striking mix of faded red and orange, his eyes were a pretty light brown and his skin was a golden tan. He was all different shades of red and orange because he was the sun and he looked like sun for a reason. Because, to Seonghwa, he was the epitome of sun. And like the sun's resolved glare on hot summer days, he was intense and feverish. Like the sun, he was always there no matter what angle the world had spun to. But Seonghwa was contaminated air. stale, unmoving, nothing - polluted. He shun himself from the world and hid in fear of a change. He cowered in his self-built shell for so long, he forgot what living felt like.
Hongjoong was there to help, to encourage, to teach him how to live again.
smile, his angel would tell him, smile, the weather's nice, see? something to smile for, apparently.
So Seonghwa's world had stirred again. this time it happened consciously. He slowly found himself coming out from the safe haven he called the state of oblivion he was stuck in. His mind had emptied, then filled in the space of a breath. Hongjoong became his reason to live. And he denied it, at first, those feelings, scratching and burning at his throat and in his belly like a cup of strong whiskey, denied those subtle glances stolen when the man was engulfed in his work (he never stopped working), but he was tired from denying and running away every time a change occurred.
So he accepted it.
Hongjoong.
His name tasted on his lips like liquid fire and the promise of so much more. He had chanted it feverishly until only thing that remained was his name. It was not love he saw on big screens or read about in countless books, he knew as much, but there wasn't a designation to his feelings so he came up with a new meaning - hongjoong. He named it after red haired, sunshine smile angel and it felt right.
After some countless nights of unshed tears, self loathing and accepting oneself, Hongjoong achieved his goal and so did Seonghwa. With skin burning, bruised hearts and battered egos they both found their place. They lived in a space of unsaid words and gentle whispers. They stood alone among a maelstrom of whirling emotions and shared a common ache of overwhelming need for being there for each other. But they weren't alone, not really. There were six other figures drifting alongside with them, sharing their burden, their pain, their tears and workload. It wasn't exactly the same as with Hongjoong, it would never be like it was with him but they were there. Together. Crawling into the depths of his heart, clawing at any resistance they found in his dull, aching heart, taking place and beating together as one. Like one organism. Growing and growing until there wasn't a space left for sadness, for heartache.
Each of their worlds connected and burst into blinding colours and this time, Seonghwa didn't mind it. He accepted it with open arms and a smile on his face.
He wasn't alone anymore.
smile, Seonghwa repeated it like mantra everyday, smile, the weather's nice, see? He watched his six rascals with a fond smile on his face as they caused ruckus in the dorm or did something endearing and wondered when he claimed them as his, He watched Hongjoong working on his music every night and coming to their dorm late at night or sometimes, more often than not, he stayed in the studio falling asleep right there. (It happened so often Seonghwa got into the habit of bringing him blankets and coffee) He watched Hongjoong as he slept soundly on the table, his red faded hair gently framing his perfect face and Seonghwa's heart ached with the overwhelming emotions. He watched Hongjoong get up every time he fell, he watched Hongjoong take every challenge life threw at him with a smile on his face and he understood. Seonghwa finally had people in his life who wouldn't leave him, people who would love him without a second thought, people who would stay by his side no matter what.
smile, little star, Hongjoong told him once and so he did.