Archive of Our Own

Rose’s eyes fluttered open to her slowly brightening room, staring at the ceiling as thoughts began racing through her head with the speed of a freight train. Exhaustion weighed heavy on her as she rolled the kink out of her neck, along with disappointment at finding the bed next to her long empty. The TARDIS’ tone shifted, a note of apology fluttering through her mind.

“Don’t even worry about it, love. I know better than most that when he’s ready, he’s ready,” she said, waving a hand through the air. 

She sat up and stretched, eyes catching on her bedside table. A sprig of fresh honeysuckle lay atop a small piece of paper. Rose covered her trembling lips with a hand, tears already gathering in her eyes as picked up both. She brought the flowers to her nose, inhaling their sweet scent before her eyes drifted to the note.

I’m sorry that I wasn’t here when you woke. I needed to get some things ready for our next trip.

Breakfast is on me, just come to the galley when you’re ready.

I love you, Rose.

-D

She pursed her lips, trying to stifle the sob that bubbled up her aching throat.

It had been a long night. She couldn’t sleep more than a few hours at a time before nightmares of Pearl Harbor drew her back to consciousness with screams and sobs. The Doctor had been there every time, gathering her close, talking her down, and soothing her back to sleep, no matter how long it took. It had seemed like he knew exactly how to calm her.

Sometimes, he had talked about all the places he wanted to take her, describing beautiful feats of nature, both planets-bound and in the stars. Sometimes, he had asked her about her nightmares, allowing her time to reconcile the macabre distortions her mind created with the actual events that took place. Sometimes, he let her ask questions, answering whatever came into her head without his normal obfuscations, and still others, he just held her, whispering into the dark about how much he loved her, how he would never let her go. 

Rose wiped at the tears on her cheeks. As wonderful and supportive as the Doctor had been, she couldn’t help feeling a bit cautious. This had happened plenty of times before, after their more emotional trips. He would apologize, dote on her for a few days, and then they would move on… until the next time.

He never told you he loved you before.

A small smile curled her lips before falling away. What if that was his new catch-all? He could treat her however he wanted, as long as he told her he loved her. Rose shook the uncharitable thought away, clutching the note and the flower to her chest. He wouldn’t do that… would he?

She sighed and slipped from between the sheets, padding into their en suite. Rose filled one of the glasses on the counter with some water, placing the honeysuckle blooms inside, before resting the note against it. It would be a nice reminder to keep her heart open. She just felt so conflicted, unsure how far to trust this new enlightenment of his. Every time she woke last night, she had expected him to be gone, and every time he was there for her, it chipped away at some of her anger and resentment.

She glanced over her face in the mirror, noting the dark circles under her eyes. She could sleep for a few more hours, at least, but the insistent growling of her stomach would not be ignored. Rose just hoped that whatever he had planned for today would not require any running at all. She wasn’t sure her wobbly legs could take it.

Taking a deep breath, Rose washed her face, brushed her teeth, and made use of the facilities before slipping from her room, still clad in her warm flannel pajamas. She padded down the corridor toward the galley and stopped just in front of it. Despite the gloom that had seemed to be her constant companion, Rose’s spirits lifted as she pushed through the door. The sight that greeted her caught a breath in her throat; two smiling male faces turned toward her.

“Well, look who’s up,” Jack drawled as he pushed some bacon around a pan. “Mornin’ Rosie.”

At his other shoulder, flipping pancakes, the Doctor winked but remained silent.

“Good morning,” she said. “Do you need any help?”

“Not at all,” Jack replied, while placing the bacon onto a plate to drain and starting another batch.

“Take a seat,” the Doctor said, breaking his silence. “We’ve got everything under control.”

“Famous last words,” she teased in a soft voice as she slipped onto the bench side of the table.

“Oi!” the Doctor protested, placing another pancake on a precarious stack. “I resent that. We’ve been quite the team.” 

“That’s right,” Jack agreed. “Sit back and prepare to be impressed.”

“Yeah, I bet you’re always sayin’ that.” 

“Only to the really special people.” He tossed her a suggestive grin only to lurch forward when the Doctor shoved his shoulder. 

“Pay attention!” he snapped.

Rose hid a small smile, surprised that she even could. Last night, in the Doctor’s arms, it had felt like she would never smile again. Her gaze fell to the tabletop, picking at a divot in the wooden surface. It didn’t feel right to be happy, to smile, to laugh, after everything they had been through. Rose shook her head in frustration. She used to be better at this, at leaving the darkness behind, only to haunt her in sleeping hours. She used to be better at plastering a smile and moving on. 

A steaming mug of tea was placed in front of her. Rose startled, looking up into a concerned gaze. The Doctor crouched down beside her and reached up to cup her face in his hand. He sighed, brushing his thumb beneath her eye where dark circles lurked.

“Another nightmare?”

She shook her head. “No, not after the last one.”

“Good.” He offered her a gentle smile. “How are you feeling, love?”  

“Fine.” She shrugged, twisting her fingers in her lap. “Tired. Are we going somewhere exciting today?”

He winced, scratching at the back of his head. “Not exactly. I didn’t think you’d be up for anything too exciting. But I think it will help.”

“Okay.” She met his warm brown eyes and flushed. “Thank you… for the flowers a-and everything.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” He leaned forward to place a kiss against her cheek. “Let’s get you some breakfast, okay?”

“Yeah,” she agreed with a small smile, gripping the proffered cup between her freezing hands. She shivered.

He frowned, placing his palm against her forehead. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright? Maybe we should head to the infirmary after we eat just in case—”

“Quit examining her, Doc,” Jack interrupted as he placed a steaming plate of bacon on the table. “That’s not what women want from a lover first thing in the morning. You’re supposed to be suave, confident…” He tossed another wink and smile in Rose’s direction. “Flirtatious.”

“I’m getting to it!” he snapped. “I think her health is more important, don’t you?”

Rose giggled.

The Captain rolled his eyes and tossed a kitchen towel over his shoulder. “You know, everyone keeps saying how much you’ve changed, but you’re still the same grumpy old man, to me.”

“Can you keep your opinions to yourself, for once?” he sneered.

“I don’t know,” he replied, circling the peninsula to grab plates full of pancakes and eggs. “Can you get some new material? For fuck’s sake, at least tell the woman how beautiful she looks.”

“Oh, you don’t need to do that,” Rose interjected with a dismissive wave. “I know I look like hell.”

The room went dead silent as the Doctor and Jack exchanged a look that did not go unnoticed. It made her keenly aware that they had been discussing her at some point this morning. Rose focused on the mug between her hands, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“You look like you didn’t sleep well,” the Doctor sighed, surprising her. “You look sad and unsure.” He slipped gentle fingers beneath her chin, encouraging her to meet a sympathetic gaze that made her heart flutter. “But you are still the most gorgeous thing I have ever laid eyes on.”

She released a delicate snort and glanced off to the side. “You’ve seen some of the most beautiful things in the universe.”

“Then you should understand,” he whispered as he stooped down towards her, “exactly how stunning you are to me.”

She sucked in a breath as he leaned forward, brushing his nose along the length of hers.

“Looking at you is like looking staring at a star, resplendent and warm,” he murmured against her lips. “I could look on you forever and never grow bored.”

Rose blushed but rolled her eyes as he pulled back. “Did you spend a lot of time with Shakespeare while I was away?”

“Maybe a bit,” he admitted with a smile, once again becoming playful. “But even the Great Bard could not do your beauty justice.”

She hid her heating face as a giggle burst from her lips. “I don’t think the Great Bard would take responsibility for something that corny.”

“It was not corny; I’ll have you know.” Slim fingers wrapped around her wrists, pulling her hands away and revealing the scowling face of the Time Lord beyond. “It was romantic.”

Rose’s mirth escalated to full-out laughter, bubbling up within her chest like a healing spring.

There it is. There’s that gorgeous smile.

The words drifted into her mind on a fresh wave of affection and peace that soothed Rose down to her very soul. Her breath hitched as she looked up into warm chocolate eyes. His smile was soft and tender. It made her feel loved, safe, treasured.

She reached up, gripping his tie between her fingers, and pulled him forward. When their lips met, he released a contended hum and cupped her face in his hands. The amount of happiness and love that translated across their bond overwhelmed her. Rose pulled away on a gasp.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Jack interjected before whistling.

She flushed and ducked her head, allowing a curtain of blonde hair to hide her face.

The Doctor stood and rolled his head to the side, pinning the Captain with a glare. “We could do without the panto crowd.”

He shrugged and took a seat at the table, placing empty plates in front of each of them. “Hey, if you’re gonna treat me like a studio audience, I’m gonna act like one.”

“Sorry about that, Jack.” Rose offered him a small apologetic smile.

“Ah, come on, Rosie,” he soothed while loading up his plate with breakfast. “I was just teasin’.”

She chanced a glance at the Doctor as he took a seat across from her. There was a frown marring his handsome face but, as soon as he caught her eye, he smiled and winked. Rose stared at him in bemusement as he brushed off Jack’s suggestive inferences and continued to load up his plate with half the stack of pancakes. He wasn’t arguing or denying or storming out of the kitchen, as if both his ancestors and the family dog had been insulted.

She shook off the odd, dreamy, feeling that gathered in her belly and turned her attention to food. Rose pulled a single pancake from the stack and slathered it in syrup, taking a small bite. It didn’t escape her notice that both men were watching her with keen eyes, offering each other satisfied looks as she grabbed some bacon as well.

“So, where are we going?” Rose asked around a bite, breaking the companionable silence.

The Doctor cleared his throat and set down his fork. “Uh, well… I was sort of hoping it could be…” He pulled on his ear. “Not exactly a surprise but—”

“It’s a secret,” Jack interrupted, earning a glare from the Time Lord.

“A secret?” She offered them a wary look.

“Don’t worry, Rosie. No chance of danger.”

The Doctor nodded. “Promise.”

“Okay?” She pushed some eggs around her plate. “A secret…”

“It’s nothing bad,” he assured her. “Hopefully, it will be healing in a way.” He placed his hand over hers on the table. “Trust me?”

She swallowed hard and met his sincere eyes before glancing away. “I do.”

Rose knew that she didn’t sound convincing, but he let it drop. They finished the rest of their meal in tense silence as she berated herself for bringing down the mood. Trust was a difficult thing for her to offer right now; she barely trusted herself. She was so tired of hurting, of fighting. She wanted to find a hole she could hide away in for a while, until impending doom stopped circling in her brain.

Jack stood from the table, startling her. “Well, I’m gonna go get dressed,” he said, looking between them. “I’ll see you guys in the console room, say an hour?”

They both nodded and remained seated as he took his empty plate to the sink. The Doctor sat back in his chair, lifting his mug in salute as the other man slipped out the door. He was quiet for long moments where Rose could feel his gaze on her, but she busied herself with filling her stomach. She wasn’t sure what to expect from him, but this outright attentiveness was throwing her off balance.

“How are you really feeling, Rose?” he asked over the rim of his mug.

She set down her fork and glanced up at him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “M’fine.”

He raised a dubious brow. “Sweetheart, I was there with you, all night. You can be honest with me.”

“M’fin—”

“Rose.” The authority in his tone dared her to lie again.

She sighed before finally meeting his gentle but uncompromising gaze head on. “I’m tired. I feel numb one minute and raw the next.”

“That’s understandable,” he replied, reaching out to take the hand that rested on the table. “We’ve been through a lot.”

“That’s an understatement.” She scoffed and clutched at his fingers before offering him a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry, I haven’t even asked how you’re doing.”

He gave her a perplexed look.

“With the Master’s… death,” she choked out, worrying that this was the thing that would send him bolting from the room.

To her surprise, the Doctor blew out a heavy breath from between his lips, running his free hand over his face. He rested his elbow on the table and cupped his cheek in an upturned palm before meeting her concerned gaze. “I honestly haven’t had much time to think about it. I’ve been more worried about you.”

“I’m sor—”

“Don’t apologize,” he interrupted, gaze falling to the thumb he brushed over her knuckles. “If the choice was between you and him…” He paused, staring into a memory only he could see. “Let’s just say, I’m happy you’re here with me, instead.” His eyes were shining when he finally lifted them to hers. “And that makes me feel even more guilty… that I’m so happy.”

Rose’s breath caught in her throat at the sad tilt of his lips. His gaze was so soft, filled with trust and a tinge of regret. He was talking to her, opening up instead of shutting her out. She snapped herself out of shock and shook her head, grappling to find her voice.

“You don’t need to feel guilt for being happy, Doctor,” she assured him breathlessly. “The Master made his choice, just to spite you. You didn’t kill him; grieving doesn’t mean you have to be miserable all the time. You can smile. You can laugh. You can be happy.”

His lips quirked upwards as he brought her hand towards them. “Thank you.” He brushed a kiss over her knuckles before chuckling softly. “Koschei was always a bad influence. When he wasn’t convincing me to pull a prank on a professor, we were breaking into labs and releasing the animals.”

Rose giggled, remembering one of the dreams she had shared with him during their time on the Valiant. “He also liked to use those animals in his pranks, right?”

“Heh.” The Doctor shook his head. “Of course you saw that memory.”

“Is there really an animal on Gallifrey that spits fire?”

He laughed. “There was , yes. It was a little reptile type creature with short red feathers down it’s back.” He rolled his eyes. “Koschei thought that prank was so funny. He was always getting me into trouble, but he was my friend. It always felt like he was the only one who understood me.” He released her hand and rubbed at his forehead with a forced chuckle. “Not sure what that says about me, considering he was a psychopath, but… it hurts, knowing he’s gone.”

Rose stood and circled the table, wrapping him into a tight hug. The Doctor slid his arms around her waist, nuzzling into her chest. She felt a slight tremble in his body and frowned, running her fingers through the hair on the back of his head with gentle strokes.

“Remember what I said,” she whispered. “You’re allowed to mourn whomever you choose.”

She felt him nod but it held no conviction.

She leaned back and slipped her fingers beneath his chin. “Look at me, Theta.”

Two glistening pools of chocolate mournfully met her gaze.

“You’re have every right to grieve the Master’s death,” she reiterated. “No one is going to judge you for that.”

He swallowed hard and nodded again, tears pooling in his eyes.

“I’m here whenever you want to talk, yeah?” she offered, tucking his hair behind his ear.

“I know,” he said, voice cracking. “It does help. Thank you, Rose.”

“Anytime,” she replied, rubbing Eskimo-kisses to his nose.

He sighed and smiled before seeming to shake himself back to reality. The Doctor cleared his throat. “Look, why don’t you go get ready and I’ll clean up in here.”

“You sure?” she asked, toying with the hair on his neck. “I can help.”

He shook his head and nudged her a few steps back so he could stand. “I can handle it,” he said, pulling her back into his arms. He gave her a quick squeeze and dropped a kiss to her forehead. “Go on.”

She made her way towards the door when his voice brough her up short.

“Rose?”

She glanced at him over her shoulder, meeting his concerned gaze.

“I’m here for you, too,” he said firmly. “You know that, right?”

A cold shiver rushed through her body at his question, unsure how to respond. The truth was: no, she didn’t . Rose didn’t know what new thing would send him running this time, but she knew it would happen. He always ran; it was the one thing she really did know. She had accepted, long ago, that there were times that she would have to stand on her own. She couldn’t bring herself to take that risk in trusting him now, which she knew would crush him. So instead, she forced a smile and nodded before rushing out the door. 

-----------------------------------------------

The Doctor watched Rose leave, knowing that she had just lied to him. She didn’t trust him enough to be open with him. As he had feared, last night’s intimacy and candor was a fluke, drawn out by exhaustion and a weakening of her mental barriers after their ordeal. She was retreating into herself again, building up walls to keep him, and the pain he inflicted on her, at bay.

He sighed and gathered the dishes from the table, heading for the sink. The TARDIS gave him a brush of empathy, a gentle offer to take care of breakfast cleanup, but he declined. For one of the first times in his life, he felt like slowing down. He needed time to focus his thoughts.

As much as he hated when Rose pulled away from him, the Doctor had to admit, he hadn’t given her much choice. He had royally bollixed things up, in so many ways, and this wasn’t something that would be solved by his normal avoidance. Running would do him no good here, it just might lose him the best thing in his life.

The Doctor grumbled under his breath and started the water, going through the mundane task of dishes with his brain buzzing. He needed to make Rose feel more comfortable, safe, like this was her home.

He received a quick mental kick from the TARDIS, reminding him that this was, in fact , her home already—the only one she had left. Rose knew she was always safe within these walls. She only felt unsafe with him, the bond-mate who had hurt her with his cruel words and actions.

The Doctor placed the last plate in the drying rack and groaned, running a hand over his face in exasperation. He pulled back with a grimace, blinking away the cluster of bubbles in his eye.

Right, wet hands.

He dried off on a dishtowel before tossing it on the counter with a scowl. Crossing back to the table, he collapsed in a chair with a sigh.

He wished there was a way to start over with Rose, to clear the slate, but he knew that was impossible. It would take work, time, and patience to win her over, not exactly his strong suit, but for her, he would do just about anything to prove his worth. Sharing his vulnerability with her, as he had at breakfast, seemed to help. She became more animated, more like herself, always seeking to soothe him.

This time, he wanted to take care of her, though. If she only knew how much he loved her, how empty his life had been without her. She was always on his mind, even during their separation he—.

The Doctor’s brows shot up into his hairline as he jumped to his feet, grabbing his brown jacket from the back of the chair. He flung it around his shoulders and stomped out of the kitchen.

“I’m such a bloody idiot sometimes,” he grumbled while making his way to his room.

The Doctor whipped open the door and strode to his wardrobe, dragging out a weighty container from the back. He hefted it towards his bed, a breath catching in his throat as he removed the lid. The numerous trinkets inside made his hearts throb. He hadn’t been able to help himself. Even though he was sure he never see Rose again, it hadn’t stopped him from gathering up everything he knew she would love, placing them in this box of regret, gifts that were never intended to be received.

Things were different now. The Doctor’s chest swelled with a new sense of purpose. He could drop the whole lot at her feet but, he glanced down at the nearly filled container, he didn’t want to overwhelm her. Rose was scared and insecure, he hardly thought love-bombing her was the correct course of action here. It had to be something special then, something important to each of them.

A slim box in black velvet peeked up at him from the bottom of the container. The Doctor’s eyes softened as he drew it out. He should have given this to her a long time ago, but he was a coward. He hadn’t wanted her to know how deep and wide his feelings ran, but that was exactly what he was trying to show her now.

He tucked the box into his inner jacket pocket and took determined steps towards the en suite.  When he found it silent within, he continued towards the door connected to Rose’s room, pausing outside of it. Nervousness rode him, but he lifted a fist to knock despite it. After a few tense seconds, the words he had been waiting for with bated breath greeted his ears.

“Come in!”

The Doctor peeked into her room and caught Rose wrapping a blue ribbon around her half-ponytail. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You didn’t,” she replied with a shake of her head before standing to her feet with a twirl. “What do you think?”

He blinked, momentarily struck dumb. The navy-blue dress hugged Rose’s form, tapering out at the waist into a swishy skirt that flared when she spun. A delicate white cardigan was draped around her shoulders and her face seemed to glow with warmth and vitality. The longer he stared, the pinker her cheeks became, before he shook some awareness back into his brain.

“You look beautiful,” he breathed, meeting her steps in the middle of the room. “Really, just stunning.”

Her gaze darted away from him as her blush darkened. “Thank you.” There were a few more moments of his stunned silence before she cleared her throat. “Did you want something?”

“Uh… yes!” He looked down, refusing to meet her eyes as he shuffled his Converse against her carpet. “I wanted to uh… I have a gift for you.”

“A gift?” she repeated. “What for?”

“No reason really,” he replied, scratching at the back of his head. “I have a bunch of things that I made or picked up for you through the years.”

“While we travelled?”

“Well…” He trailed off, tugging at his ear. “Not just while you were with me. I-I couldn’t seem to stop gathering things. Anytime I saw or thought of something you would like, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I had to bring it home or make it real. I put them all in this box of things I wanted to give you, but knew I would never—”

He was cut off as she rushed towards him, throwing her arms around his middle. “You thought of me? While I was gone?”

“Every minute,” he whispered, wrapping her up in his embrace. “Rose, I never stopped thinking about you.”

She sniffled. “You made things for me?” 

“Yes,” he admitted before chuckling. “You know how I get; my hands are restless. It was either make the things I dreamt up for you or tear the TARDIS apart.”

Rose pulled back, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Can I see?”

He nodded and pulled the box from his jacket, placing it in her hands. “I made for you this after my regeneration. At the time, I was worried that it might be too…” He flushed and pulled at his collar. “I don’t know, sentimental?” He shrugged. “I was always trying to keep you from knowing how…” He looked down at her teary face and brushed his thumb over her cheek. “How precious you are to me.”

Her brow furrowed as she flipped open the lid with a creak and looked inside. Breath caught in her throat as she surveyed the necklace set inside the red satin. She ran her fingers over the delicate chain, continuing down to a singular, scripted, golden word set between two small rings.

run

Rose’s lip trembled, running her touch over each letter. “Doctor, this is—”

“The first word I ever said to you,” he supplied, a myriad of emotions clogging his tone.

She looked up at him with tears gathering in her amber eyes. Her mouth worked but no sound emerged, as though words were failing her. She staggered back a few steps and fell onto the stool in front of her vanity, looking between him and his gift, clutched in her white knuckled fingers.

A soft sob left her, tears falling onto her cheeks. “W-why?”

“Because I wanted both of us to remember the word that linked us.” He took a step towards her and tilted her head up to him. “You saved me, Rose. I never want to forget that. You made me the Doctor again.”

She shook her head, wrapping her fingers around his wrist. “You did that; I just helped.”

“No, Rose,” he replied, kneeling in front of her. “You were the only reason I didn’t lose myself to madness. This word? It shows me that there are always reasons to keep going because sometimes, you’ll run into something absolutely beautiful.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, feeling his eyes start to prick with tears as a tender smile found his lips.

The box in Rose’s hand snapped closed before she flung herself into his arms, already shaking with sobs. The Doctor fell to his butt on her floor, his hearts squeezing at the twister of emotions circling in her mind. In her fragile state, she was having trouble keeping her barriers in check, but he welcomed the small showing of trust. His Rose clung to him, weeping into his jacket like he was the only buoy in a stormy sea. She was confused and overwhelmed by everything she had experienced in the last few days. She needed a shelter for her soul, somewhere safe, and he was happy to provide.

The Doctor sat back and crossed his legs in front of him, dragging her limp lower body into his lap. He held her there for several moments, cooing gently as she released the tide of conflict within her. When her sobs quieted to hiccups, Rose eased her death grip on his neck and slumped into his embrace with a groan.

“I’ve ruined my makeup now,” she sniffled, wiping at her blotchy cheeks.

The Doctor chuckled, tilting her face up to his gaze. “You’re still beautiful.”

She scoffed. “Don’t even know what I’m cryin’ for anyway.” She reached out and gathered the forgotten box from the ground, running reverent fingers over the velvet. “It’s a beautiful gift, Theta. Thank you.”

Those amber doe eyes looked up at him, glassy with the remnants of tears, and the Doctor melted. He swooped down, daring a chaste kiss against her soft lips. When Rose didn’t pull away, he lingered for a few stolen seconds, enjoying her softness and warmth, before releasing her with a contented sigh.

He nudged her nose with his. “Does that mean I can put it on you now?”

Her eyes fluttered open, giving him a shy nod. “Please.”

Rose offered him the box and swiveled around in his lap so her back was facing him, gathering her long blonde hair away from her neck. The Doctor unclasped the necklace, holding her TARDIS key, and tried to draw it away when her panicked hold stopped him short. He chuckled, placing a kiss to her shoulder.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” he soothed. “I’m not taking it away from you. I’m positive you won’t need it on this trip, okay?”

Her death grip eased as she released another sniffle. “Okay.”

He pooled the key and silver chain in his palm, reaching over to press it into her waiting hand. “This will always, always , be yours, Rose.”

She glanced at him over her shoulder, wiping away a stray tear. “Thank you.”

He offered her a warm smile and went back to his task. Opening the box, he slipped the delicate chain into his fingers, placing it around her slim neck. He fiddled with the clasp for a few seconds before leaning forward to press his lips against it, and her warm skin.

“There,” he breathed.

Rose shivered and released her hair to tumble down her back, running her fingers over the golden letters. She turned to show him with a question in her eyes.

“Exquisite.” He grinned, reaching out to brush his thumb over her cheek. “Now, come on. Jack is probably waiting for us.”

She nodded and stood, offering a hand to help him to his feet. “I need to fix my face first.”

“You look gorgeous, Rose,” he chided, moving towards her wardrobe. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Easy for you to say,” she grumbled, taking a seat at her vanity. “ You don’t look like a racoon.”

The Doctor chuckled as he opened the door and found exactly what he was hoping for. “You don’t look like one either.”

She ignored him, dabbing something beneath her puffy eyes—to her credit, she was quick about it. Within a few minutes she was slipping into some ballet flats and standing in front of him with a cautious smile. He offered her the wide-brimmed white hat with a ribbon matching the shade of her dress.

She raised a brow in question.

“It’s probably going to be sunny,” he explained with a wink.

She nodded and pursed her lips.

“Don’t worry, Rose,” he said, interlocking their fingers and leading her out the door. “It will be completely safe, cross my hearts.”

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Despite the Doctor’s confident assurances, Rose was still feeling nervous as she approached the console room. Jack was already waiting for them, looking crisp and clean. He turned towards them, offering her a dazzling grin. His eyes traveled the length of her, a low whistle passing his lips.

“Looking very nice, Rosie.”

The Doctor’s hand tightened around hers.

Rose bit her lip to hold back a smile at his possessiveness. “You look very handsome, too, Jack.”

The Time Lord at her side released her and made his way towards the monitor, grumbling, “No one told me how handsome I look today.”

“Aww, Doc, I didn’t know you needed an ego boost.” Jack came up behind him and wrapped him in a hug around his middle. “You’re devastating, as always.”

“Get off.” The Doctor shoved him away but there was a smile playing at the edge of his mouth. 

She looked between the two with a shake of her head. “So, where are we going?”

Jack turned towards her and settled his hands around her waist, lifting her onto the jumpseat. “You just sit back, Rosie, and let us do the driving.”

“Uh-huh,” she said, getting comfortable. “I’ve heard that one before.”

“Don’t worry,” he replied, giving the Doctor a significant look. “We triple -checked the date. Right, Doc?”

“ Yes , yes , for the dozenth bloody time,” he snapped. “And I will check it again when we land. Are we ready to go?”

Jack and Rose shared an amused look as he began a familiar dance around the console, Rose clinging tight to the seat beneath her. The TARDIS groaned and squealed, flying through the Vortex. She raised a brow as they touched down with a subdued shudder.

Rose stood and brushed off her dress before Jack’s hand landed on her shoulder. “Hold on, let him check again.”

“Aren’t you being a bit paranoid?” the Doctor asked as he checked the monitor once more. “What are the chances of the TARDIS allowing us to cross our own time stream? What else could we run into that would be worse than that?”

“Need I remind you that there are actual volcanos?!”

Rose rolled her eyes at their bickering and took the opportunity sneak towards the doors. She flung them open and sucked in a sharp breath. Sun sparkled off calm blue waters in a harbor she barely recognized. When she had last seen it, there was nothing more than smoking rubble. She swallowed hard and turned back to face the two men with her. They had moved closer, standing right behind her with matching looks of contrition.

“Why are we here?” she asked. “Of all places… why?”

The Doctor cleared his throat and took a step towards her, flinching as she retreated. “Rose, we just wanted to show you something. Please—”

“How, in bloody hell, did you think this would help me get over it?”

Jack stepped forward, rushing to take her hand in his. “Because you don’t need to get over it, Rosie. You need to deal with it; you need to heal.”

“And how is this going to help?” she practically snarled.

“Let us show you,” the Doctor pleaded, coming to her other side. “Please, Rose. Just give us some time.”

She scoffed and grumbled under her breath but couldn’t deny the hopeful and encouraging faces of her companions.

Rose settled her hat on her head and crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine, where and when are we?”

“Pearl Harbor Memorial Park, October 2019,” the Doctor provided easily.

Her eyes narrowed. “No chance of us getting caught up in another war?”

“None whatsoever.”

She studied his historically overconfident smile and sighed. “Let’s go then.”

Jack smiled and pulled her arm through his, leading her into the sunshine. “That’s my girl.”

My girl. The angry words snarled through her mind as the doors slammed closed behind them.

She glanced over her shoulder to find the Doctor, glaring daggers at the back of Jack’s head. When he noticed her questioning gaze, he slumped, sheepishly shuffling the toe of his Converse against the grass. Rose reached her free hand back to him and wiggled her fingers.

“Coming Doctor?”

The wide hopeful puppy eyes that met hers made her heart clench. She nodded and he rushed to her other side, accepting her offer with a beaming grin. She flushed and cleared her throat, looking out at the coastline as Jack led them over the neatly manicured grass to a series of gravel pathways.

The park was filled, but not overly crowded, with what were probably a bunch of history buffs or people hoping to get a taste of the ‘thrill’ that was war. She scoffed under her breath. Knob-heads who glorified battle as some kind of honorific right of passage, instead of a profound tragedy for all involved. Idiots!

The uncharitable thoughts brought her up short. When had she become so bitter?

“Rose?” the Doctor questioned as she paused mid-step.

She shook her head, glancing between two concerned expressions. “It’s nothing, m’fine.”

“Are you sure?” Jack pressed.

“I said m’fine!” she snapped. “Just show me what you want t’show me.”

The two males shared a furtive glance over her head which only increased her irritation, but Rose relaxed when they let it drop and led her through the crowd. They wound their way through museums, memorials, gardens, and galleries, allowing her to stop and examine any little detail that struck her interest. The Doctor’s steady lecture was a comforting lull in her ear. It kept her grounded in the here and now, instead of slipping back into memories.

By the time they had exited the last gallery, showing photographs of the attack, Rose was drained. She had clung to the Doctor’s hand through most of it, some trauma instinct to keep him at her side. She hated feeling so insecure and weak, but he hadn’t said a word about it. He had squeezed her fingers in reassurance and placed a lingering kiss to her hair with a gentle smile and sad eyes, which only seemed to irritate her more.  

Out in the sunshine, Rose took a deep breath, even as both men hovered around her. She was getting a little overwhelmed by their presence; it was making her heart race, which only added to her confusion and emotional exhaustion. They were both so much taller than her, their energy stifling. It made her feel like a skittish dog on a tight leash.

She just wanted some space to breathe dammit!

----------------------------------------------------

The Doctor stiffened at the sudden shift in Rose’s emotions and took a step back. She looked up at him with a question in her eyes as he drew her away from Jack, freezing him with a glare when he tried to protest.

“Rose, why don’t you go for a walk? Take in the scenery.” He forced a smile.

“Doc—” Jack tried to interrupt but was halted by his raised hand.

She looked between them. “What are you two going to do?”

“Wellll, I’m feeling a little parched,” he replied with an awkward chuckle. “I thought Jack and I could grab something to drink.”

“O-kay…” Her tone rang with suspicion.

Over her shoulder, Jack rolled his eyes.

“Brilliant! We’ll catch up to you a bit later then, yeah?”

Her brow furrowed. “Yeah, alright.”

“Just don’t wander too far,” he qualified and, at her look of consternation, added, “Please?”

Rose sighed and nodded before stomping off into the maze of gravel walkways.

Jack shoved his shoulder. “Doc, what the fuck was that? You just want to let her go off on her own?”

“She was overwhelmed,” he explained. “We’ve been suffocating her all day; she just needs some space.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” he grumbled, folding his arms across his chest. “I don’t like leaving her alone. Why don’t you follow her?”

“That kind of defeats the point,” the Doctor replied while pinching the bridge of his nose. “Don’t you think?”

“Give her a wide berth, then,” Jack pressed. “If she has any problems, you can at least be within running distance.”

The Doctor vacillated but couldn’t deny his protective instincts. “Jack—”

“Go on, Doc,” he interrupted, probably reading his desires on his face. “Stay with her. I’ll grab some drinks and ferry tickets.”

The tension in his shoulders eased as he looked up at the Captain with grateful eyes. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he replied with a chuckle. “I know where you really want to be.”

He took off with quick steps after Rose, offering a wave of gratitude back to Jack.

She walked down the long pathway between two large open fields. The lawns were short and green, hosting different family groups absorbed in their own merriment. People laughed, children played, there was a brevity amid the solemn subject that brought a light into his hearts. He watched as two boys raced around Rose’s feet. She spun in a circle, laughing as they frolicked away, accompanied by apologies from their mother’s.

Rose waved them off and turned to face the sun with the ghost of a smile. She twirled around and met the nexus where the pathways converged, halting when she saw the large anchor put on display in the center. Her shoulders slumped as she surveyed the plaque, running her fingers over the inky black chain that had once connected its weight to the USS ARIZONA .

She looked out across the harbor, curling her fingers around one of the links. Her gaze was unfocused and troubled, reliving a memory only she could see. In her eyes, the ghostly remnants of black smoke columns remained.

“Rose?” he prompted from a few steps away.

She whipped around to face him with a forced smile. “M’fine. Was this what you wanted to show me?”

"Sort of,” he replied, shrugging as he looked out at the fields of happy human groups. “I know it seems horrible at the moment, but it does get better, yeah?” He took a few steps closer to her, intertwining his fingers over hers on the black chain links. “Life moves on, things heal; you’ll heal.”

She scoffed and took a few steps towards the ocean. “You can’t guarantee that.”

“No, that may be true,” he conceded. “But I… we have been through things like this before. I’ve had a thousand Pearl Harbors; we’ve had hundreds.”

“And it never gets easier!” She turned to him with a scowl. “Are you really so hollow that you don’t feel these losses anymore?”

He jerked his head back, hurt zinging through his hearts. “How dare you,” he snarled. “You couldn’t possibly understand what kind of loss I feel—"

“I do,” she countered with a knowing tilt of her brow. “You showed me what that loss feels like. You wanted me to know.”

He cowered under her accusatory stare, thinking about all she had suffered. His shoulders slumped as he reached out, cradling her hands in his. “Would you change it?” he whispered, before swallowing down the lump in his throat. “If you could forget what that felt like… if I didn’t show you. Would you change it?”

Her mouth fell open as she stared up into his eyes, knowing what he was asking. If she could go back and never meet, never travel with him, would she?

“I was broken when we met, Rose,” he admitted, staring down into honey eyes that brimmed with tears. “I needed someone to understand; I needed you to understand, and that wasn’t fair to you. I’ve never been very fair to you.” He reached out, brushing his knuckles across her cheek. “I fought, for so long, against what I feel for you, and you’ve been more than patient. I finally pulled my head out of my arse but, after everything, am I too late?”

She stared at him in shock, eyes darting all over his face. Her mouth worked but no sound emerged.

“There you two are,” Jack’s cheerful voice interrupted them.

They startled apart, the Doctor turning from them to brush the moisture from his eyes. He faced them once again with a forced smile as Jack passed a paper cup into his hands.

“Sorry,” he said, glancing between two red faces. “I feel like I just intruded again.”

Rose sipped at her drink and looked out at the ocean, unwilling to meet his eyes.

“Not at all, Jack,” the Doctor assured him, trying to keep his face neutral. “Couldn’t have come at a better time. I was getting thirsty.”

It was a shameless dismissal of his interruption, but it made the other man smile. Was the Doctor annoyed at being disrupted again? Sure, but he appreciated Jack’s presence, nonetheless. He had been invaluable in the planning of today’s activities and continued to be an encouraging voice in the Time Lord’s ear.

“So, did you get tickets?” he inquired, sipping his drink.

Jack nodded. “Yep! The next ferry is in twenty minutes.”

“Ferry?” Rose asked, tuning back into the conversation with a slight blush staining her cheeks. “To where?”

The two men glanced at each other and back at her with matching supportive smiles.

She frowned. “Why do I feel like this is another thing you ‘think’ will be good for me?”

“It will,” Jack assured with a wink.

Rose rolled her eyes and iced them out, focusing instead on the beauty of the landscape around them. Her fingers idly toyed with the links of chains around the anchor. Memories that the Doctor could only glean at shadowed her eyes.

He reached out and grabbed her free hand, rubbing his thumb along the back. “We’re just trying to help, Rose.”

“I know. I know you are,” she replied with an exasperated sigh while rubbing at her brow. “I appreciate the thought but I'm just getting a little tired.”

He tossed Jack a concerned grimace. “I promise, we will go home after this.”

“Come on, Rosie,” the Captain prodded. “Where did you leave your sense of enthusiasm?”

The Doctor winced, saying a silent blessing over the soul of their friend, who had sealed his fate with his words.

“Where did I leave it?” Rose hissed from between her teeth as her eyes narrowed to slits. “I left it at the bottom of this same burning harbor nearly eighty years ago. Any other questions?”

The Doctor and Jack shrank back, as one, at the venom in her tone; the latter, no doubt, recognizing his careless words and regretting them.

She took a quick step forward, startling both as they retreated. “Am I really that terrifying?!”

They glanced at each other and back at her with matching wary faces before Jack straightened his spine and met her toe to toe. “Speaking as someone who has seen the things you can do?! Yeah, it is a little alarming when I start to see that furious golden glow in your eyes!”

Rose reeled back and dropped her lemonade to the ground, covering her face with her hands as if she could push away the hint of Bad Wolf that had risen.

The Doctor’s brows raised into his hairline— she hadn’t even realized . Taking in her hunched and huddled frame, he waved a, still irritated, Jack off and crossed to her side. When he placed his hand on her shoulder she flinched, trying to hide from him.

“I-I didn’t mean to,” she said through a shaky voice. “I didn’t know that—”

“It’s alright, Rose,” he assured, turning her towards him and peeling her hands away from her face. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

She looked up at him with tears gathering in eyes that had returned to their beloved whiskey color. “Theta, m’sorry I just—”

“Hush, my love,” he cooed, cupping her cheek in his hand. “No need to apologize. We didn’t think this would be easy,” he lifted his arm, motioning to Jack a few paces away, “for any of us. We only wanted to show you that the people who lived and died here were never forgotten. No one was forgotten, Rose. Even now, eighty years later, people are still honoring their memory.”

Rose glanced around the bustling park, taking in the many people, who had traveled from far and wide, to commemorate the victims here. She managed a shaky smile at him before turning it on Jack. She reached out a hand to him that was readily accepted.

“Thank you, both,” she mumbled through trembling lips. “It really means a lot to me. I’m sorry—”

“Hey now, Rosie,” Jack interrupted with a gentle smile. “What did Doc say? No apologies.”

She returned his understanding as he linked their arms together once again.

“Come on, Team TARDIS,” he announced, giving the Doctor a wink over her head. “They won’t hold that ferry just for us. Let’s leg it, huh?”

Rose nodded and, together, they made their way through the winding pathways. The dour atmosphere lifted as he captured her hand and felt the gentle squeeze of her fingers around his. Tension still coiled between them, but she no longer seemed trapped in the darkness that had shrouded her. He only hoped it lasted when they approached their destination. 

-------------------------------------------------------------

Rose stood at the railing around a hole in a platform that looked down into the sea at the remnants of the USS ARIZONA . The ferry, that Jack had mentioned, carried them out into the middle of the shallow bay where a brilliant white platform had been erected. It stood out against the blue water like a bit of bleached driftwood, bobbing on the waves… lost at sea.

The ship entombed in the water was nearly unrecognizable as fish and other sea life swam in and out of the wreckage. It was almost peaceful, the splash of the waves, the warm tropical breeze, the laughter of children in the background. It all belied the absolute horror of what had transpired here only days before—for her.

Rose shook her head, her earlier melancholy settling heavy on her shoulders. Eighty years… was that all it took for Earth to reclaim what was lost? One day, it would swallow all that mankind had tried to build within her shifting plates. Even this platform would eventually be overtaken by nature once more, becoming part of the planet itself, before it too was consumed by the sun, burned to ash and stardust.

She felt the Doctor come to her side, wrapping his hands around the railing as she stared into the turquoise water.

“Penny for ‘em?” 

Rose cleared her throat. “I was thinking about our first trip, actually.”

“Really? Why?”

“It all comes to dust in the end, doesn’t it?” she breathed. “Watching the Earth die, seeing it burn, it’s like a tether snapped, like I was no longer part of the world that birthed me.”

She heard him suck in a sharp breath.

Rose released a reedy laugh. “And then we jump back in the TARDIS and step out into a vibrant city, teeming with so many people just going about their lives, searching for purpose and meaning in a world that will one day be swallowed by the star that created her. It makes everything feel so small, so insignificant.”

“I want to show you something.” The Doctor grabbed her hand.

She looked up as he led her toward the other end of the platform where a white wall was covered in countless names. It was a tribute to all the people who were trapped on this ship. Hundreds of poor men and women, whose only crime had been wanting to protect and defend their home. Her shoulders slumped, looking at all the people she had failed to protect.

Rose felt a buoying sense of affection and pride slip across their connection as the Doctor’s arms slid around her waist from behind. He hugged her close, pressing a kiss to her temple. She tensed, unused to this open affection from him, especially in public, but tried to relax.

“There are names not on this list because of you, Rose,” he said in a soft tone. “You saved the lives you could, helped where you could. It was a disaster you could not prevent but that doesn’t mean that what you did was meaningless. It’s the people, sweetheart,” he whispered in her ear. “Yes, this is a small part of a vast universe, but the people are big.” He gave her a gentle shake. “You, Jack, Ambra, Jocelynn, Laura, Charlie, Michael…. you’re anything but small; you’re giants.”

Rose’s lip trembled as she stared at the wall, allowing his words to soothe some of her nihilism. She leaned back into his arms and let her eyes fall closed, hypnotized by his soft breaths against her ear.

“One day, the Earth will burn to ash, the universe will forget everything that happened here,” he continued, swaying her back and forth in a gentle rhythm. “But that doesn’t make it insignificant. In one of this world’s darkest moments, you brought hope, and I’ve seen you do it a hundred times. Everywhere you go, Rose, you bring hope. How could that ever be insignificant?”

She turned in his embrace, burying her face against his shoulder and releasing a sniffle. Words caught in her throat; she didn’t know what to say. His honesty was overwhelming; she never knew he saw her this way. Rose shed silent tears into his jacket as he stroked her hair, cooing gently until she calmed.

“Are you ready to go home?” the Doctor asked, cradling her close to him.

She nodded, allowing him to lead her down the platform towards the ferry, Jack falling in step beside them. As they boarded the boat, Rose cast her gaze out to the serene landscape, unmarred and beautiful. She thought about Jocelynn and Ambra, Charlie and Kenneth. She thought of Dave and Josh and all the others who didn’t make it. The universe may one day forget them, but she wouldn’t. She would hold all of them close to her heart, brothers and sisters in a bloody battle for survival. Rose felt an uneasy peace settle over her shoulders as the waves bore them to land. 

----------------------------------------------------------

Rose sat on the jump seat in the empty console room an hour later, staring off into the distance and waiting for the inevitable interruption. She had hung back, after the Doctor set them to drift in the Vortex, avoiding both his and Jack’s quizzical looks as they departed. As thankful as she had been for their restraint, she knew it was fleeting. They would be back to prod at her any moment now.

After twenty more minutes alone, she began to relax, assuming that the TARDIS was, at last, offering her the same courtesy that she awarded the Doctor and keeping her location concealed from him…for now. She knew that the taciturn ship could just as quickly change her mind when she grew tired of Rose’s sulking. He would come bursting into the room, filling it with nervous chatter as his large puppy-dog eyes begged her to engage, but she just couldn’t muster the enthusiasm. 

She felt frazzled, bogged down by a mountain of grief and conflicting hope that sucked any energy from her. Her emotions were a tangled mess and just the thought of sorting them out overwhelmed her with exhaustion, but she couldn’t ignore it forever.  She knew that her continuous avoidance was beginning to wear on Theta. He was a ball of anxiety, while she was a puddle of depression. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him; she did… for the most part . She knew that she could confide in him about recent events. She now knew he would even be open to talk about them. The constant shower of affection that he rained down on her gave evidence to his claim that he had made his choice but… she was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.  

Ugh.

She didn’t even know how to process, especially coming off the heels of something that broke her down so far. Pearl Harbor had been rough on her in more ways than one. Although knowing the entire circumstances that surrounded the fateful kiss between the Doctor and Laura, soothed her righteous anger, it did nothing to heal her heart. Nor did it rid Rose of the image of her Time Lord locked in a passionate embrace with another woman. That seemed to be seared into her retinas, playing out every time she closed her eyes. 

She needed someone to talk to, someone other than Jack whose best piece of advice involved them jumping into bed—she wasn’t ready for that. 

“Uh…hello?”

Rose whipped toward the monitor, shocked to see a young man of eleven or twelve staring through the screen. “Hello?  Can I help you?”

“You called me,” he said, brow furrowed in confusion. 

“Did I?”

“Mistress,” a robotic voice said from behind the boy. “We have received a communication from the TARDIS.”

Rose smiled, recognizing that tenor. “Hi K9!”

He turned toward the camera, adorable satellite ears swinging back and forth. “Hello, Rose Tyler.”

“Are you really on the TARDIS?” the boy asked, eyes wide in amazement.

“Mmmhmm,” she replied. “Are you a friend of Sarah Jane’s?”

“Yeah, I’m Luke, her son.”

Rose’s mouth dropped open in shock. “Son?”

“Rose,” Sarah Jane’s startled voice interrupted as she came into view. “My god, it’s good to see you. I saw your name, after Canary Warf, on a list of the dead.”

“Heh. Yeah, not dead. Just stuck in a different universe for twelve years.”

“Twelve years?” she gasped. “You haven’t aged a day.”

Rose sighed and ran a hand over her face. “Yeah, it’s… a long story.”

“Well, did you have a reason for calling other than to chat?” she asked, her shrewd eyes examining her face. “Not that it isn’t lovely to hear from you but, it looks like you have something on your mind.”

Rose glanced from Luke’s inquisitive face to Sarah’s. “I know you said that it would be worth it but…where do you draw the line?”

Her dark brown eyes went wide before she turned to her son. “Luke, could you put the kettle on? Rose is going to come over for a visit.”

“Does that mean the Doctor is coming too?” His excitement was palpable. 

“More than likely,” she replied in a dry tone before turning back to Rose. “Could you come now?”

Rose opened and closed her mouth before looking over her shoulder to the corridor. She now understood why the TARDIS had called Sarah Jane. There was no way to back out of this gracefully. She would have to confront the Doctor if she wanted even a chance of saving face.  

Well played, luv.    

The TARDIS’ answering hum was less than apologetic.

“Is something wrong with the Doctor?” Sarah Jane asked, raising a concerned brow.

“No, no,” she replied, pulling her cardigan back up to cover her shoulder. “Let me go get him.”

She trudged toward the corridor, tossing a glare to the ceiling. You better make this easy, at least.

The first door that she approached was the library. The Doctor was sitting at the sofa, head buried in a book with a title she could partially read:  The Secret to Building …

Hmmmm. Rose rapped her knuckle against the door jamb. “Hey.”

His spine went ramrod straight, eyes swinging in her direction as he slammed the book closed and stuffed it between the cushions. “Hey!”

“Sorry to interrupt.”

He shook his head. “Not at all. What’s up?”

“The TARDIS called Sarah Jane.”

“On her own?” His brow arched high above the rim of his glasses and stray strands of chestnut hair fell across his brow, pulling a sigh from Rose’s lips. 

“Mmmm,” she replied with a wry grin. “Her meddlin’ isn’t as subtle as it used to be.”

The Doctor scrunched up his nose. “Was it? Ever? Subtle?”

Rose chuckled when the lights flashed, the ship’s hum pitching low in displeasure. “I guess not by your standards.” 

He looked at his trainers, scratching at the back of his head. “I think she’s just losing patience…with me, not you,” he explained, eyes going wide. “You have legitimate reasons for—”

“Doctor,” she interrupted, unwilling to start this conversation any time soon. “Sarah Jane’s still waitin’.”

“Right. Sorry,” he replied, shaking his head.

“She’s puttin’ the kettle on, and I didn’t want to…”  She paused, eyes on her toes as she traced the swirls in the floorboard. “Overstep by trying to move her on my own. I’m also scared of landing us in the middle of the sun,” she admitted and then swallowed. “Would you help me?”

“Of course.” His voice came closer than she expected.

Rose jerked to attention, gasping when she found him standing a couple feet from her. She hadn’t heard him move.

 The Doctor reached out and hooked a strand of hair behind her ear with a feather light touch before brushing his fingertips over her necklace.

She sucked in a breath and took a step back. 

His hand fell to his side before he cleared his throat. “Lead the way.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, trying to take the sting out of her retreat as she turned away.

They walked, side by side, down the corridor with their arms swinging between them. Rose glanced at Theta from the corner of her eye. Her hand twitched, tempted to reach for his. Instead, she fisted it into her skirt, wrinkling the dark material. As they entered the console room, Rose’s pace quickened. The Doctor came around behind her and gripped the monitor. 

“Hello, Sarah Jane,” he said with cheery enthusiasm. 

“Hello, Doctor,” she replied with a smile. “Do you need the coordinates?”

With a swish of his fingers her image disappeared, a different window taking its place. “Nah…I got it,” he replied, tapping at the screen. 

It only took a few moments before the TARDIS struck up her familiar groaning. Together, they flew around the console, flipping buttons and turning knobs in a practiced dance. Rose braced herself for landing. When it came, it was gentler than normal, as if the old ship was taking pity on her. She rubbed a gentle hand over the console as she circled it with a smile of thanks and received a soft brush of apology in reply.

The Doctor met her on the other side and held out his fingers, wiggling them in invitation. For the second time in her life, Rose paused before taking the offering. This time, however, it wasn’t his newly grown hand that made her cautious, but his newly changed attitude. Just how long would this open affection and gentle understanding last?

She looked up into chocolate brown eyes that grew more uneasy the longer she hesitated. When the slight smile that he gave her began to slip, she acquiesced and threaded her fingers through his. The Doctor tugged her closer, brushing a knuckle over her cheek while his gaze darted across her face as if memorizing every detail.

His eyes flitted down to her lips and Rose sucked in a breath. Her chest ached with longing, but lingering fear made her skittish. She tried to force a smile that probably came out as more of a grimace.

A knock sounded at the door, breaking the tension of the moment as they looked towards it in tandem. Rose released a breathy laugh and tried not to let her eagerness show, pulling him down the gangplank much to his chagrin, if that worried frown was anything to go by. Her smile slipped; she knew that she was hurting him by remaining quiet and distant, but she didn’t know how to reach out. 

In the other universe, she had taken up his role. She had become the one that everyone looked to, the problem solver. It had been a while since she had someone to lean on and she found that it was difficult, learning to share again. Rose paused as she reached the doors and turned back to the Doctor. He raised a brow in question when she stood on her tiptoes. Her eyes fluttered closed as she brushed a kiss over his cheek.

He touched his face as she settled back on her feet. “What was that for?”

“Thank you,” she replied. “For everything. I know you don’t like to linger.”

“I’ll do anything for you, Rose.” His gaze softened as he brushed his fingers through her hair. “You only need to ask.”

She opened her mouth, but words wouldn’t come for a few long moments. “Would you let me go?”

He flinched from her as if she had struck him. “Is that what you want?”

“I-I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’ve spent the better part of the last decade trying to get back here. Leaving feels like a waste.”

“Is that the only reason?” he croaked.

Jack saved her from answering when he barreled into the console room. He caught sight of them and winced at the furious glare the Doctor sent in his direction.

“Sorry,” he mumbled while scratching at the back of his neck. “I thought we landed.”

“We did,” Rose spoke up, with her voice sounding reedy. “We’re at Sarah Jane’s and she’s waiting.”

As if to punctuate her point, the polite knock sounded again. Rose plastered on a smile and reached for the doors, flinging them open.

“Rose!” Sarah Jane cried before enveloping her in a warm hug. “It’s so good to see you whole and healthy.” 

“It’s good to see you too.”

She stepped back and looked Rose up and down. “You look thin. Have you been eating properly?” She saw the warning look from the Doctor and backtracked. “But beautiful all the same. What’s the occasion?”

Her smile faltered as she waved a dismissive hand through the air. “It’s a long story; we had an adventure that went awry.”

“Well, you can tell me all about it.” The older woman patted her arm as she threaded hers through it, leading her towards the back door.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The Doctor watched from just inside the TARDIS as Rose was swept into the arms of his former companion to mutual choruses of laughter. For just a moment, she seemed lighter, and her bright smile finally touched her eyes. The Doctor felt a pang of jealousy followed by a wave of guilt.

He wanted Rose to smile, wanted her to share whatever burden seemed to be crushing her under his weight. He had just hoped that he could be the one to lighten it, to bring her joy again. It felt like he had failed. Like Jack, Sarah Jane seemed to comfort and soothe Rose on a level that he was unable, much like her mother used to do.

The Doctor’s brow pinched, Rose had lost so much, and she did it all to be with him. She had made such a sacrifice that he had treated like dirt. His shoulders slumped as a well-known shame settled on them; he needed to treat her better, to show his gratitude for such a gift.

He felt Jack come up to his side and tried not to let his agitation show. 

“Hey, sorry for interrupting,” he said. “That looked important.”

The Doctor sighed and shook his head. “It’s fine. She’s spooked. Rose was already pulling away from me. I don’t want her to do anything she isn’t comfortable with, in any case.”

He saw Jack frown in his periphery. “Can you blame her for being cautious?”

“No,” he snapped. It didn’t make it hurt any less.

A hand settled on his shoulder. “I know it’s rough right now, Doc, but it’ll get better.”

“How do you know that?” he asked, shrugging off his touch.

“Because Rose is a forgiving person, especially if you show how serious you are about doing better.” Jack nudged him. “She loves you, Doc. That hasn’t changed. Just give her some time.”

“Time,” he snorted. “Never thought I would hate that word.”

“Yeah, I bet,” he replied with a chuckle. “Trust me, though.  It won’t last forever.”

The Time Lord measured his next words before speaking. “She asked if I loved her enough to let her go.”

The man at his side went still. “What did you say?”

“I asked if that was what she really wanted.” He averted his gaze, still aching from that exchange. “She didn’t get the chance to answer.”

“Ouch.” He winced.

“Yeah, where are your words of encouragement now? The love of my long life is thinking of leaving me because of my poor treatment.” The Doctor growled under his breath. “What the fuck am I supposed to do now, Jack?!”

“You’re doing it,” he assured, deflating him mid-rant.

He glanced over into amused and sympathetic blue eyes. “Really?”

“Yes,” Jack replied with a nod of his head. “You’re focusing on her, catering to her needs. I’m not sure you understand how much of a one-eighty that is from before.”

“You make me sound like a selfish prick,” the Doctor grumbled.

He squinted one eye. “Wellll…”

“Alright, alright,” he groused, eyes never straying from Sarah Jane’s back window as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I just want to be there for her, to be whatever she needs.”

“I know, Doc,” he said with a sigh. “But part of focusing on her needs is accepting that you won’t always be the one to fulfill them.”

He grimaced.

“It’s okay,” Jack encouraged, giving his stiff shoulder a shake. “That’s normal. Rose is confused and looking for some guidance. She’s lost everything, her whole support structure, friends, family, her mother.”

He snorted. “Say what you will about Jackie Tyler, but she knew her daughter. She could always find a way to soothe Rose.”

“She could just as easily drive her crazy, though,” he observed with a smirk. “Do you see what I mean, Doc? Rose is human; she needs more support than just you, but that doesn’t mean she can do without you. Her affection isn’t some finite resource that can be used up, she can love and need all of us.”

The Doctor looked over to the other man in shock; rarely had he ever heard Jack speak so eloquently.

“What? Don’t look at me like that.” He winked. “I’m old; I’ve managed to learn a few things.”

“Just a few,” he teased under his breath.

“More than you, apparently.”

The Doctor’s retort was cut off as a young boy burst from Sarah Jane’s back door. The preteen whooped as he scrambled through the garden, making a beeline for the TARDIS. He stopped in front of the doors, beaming up at the two men just inside.

“Hi Doctor!”

“Hello there, Luke,” he replied, ruffling the boy’s shaggy hair. “It’s good to see you again. I trust you and your mother are doing well.”

“Yeah, we’re good,” they boy replied before glancing towards the Captain’s grin.

“Oh, this is my friend,” the Doctor explained. “Captain Jack Harkness.”

“Nice to metcha, kid.” Jack offered his hand that was cautiously taken by Luke for a quick shake.

“Uh… I know Mum says I’m too young to go on a trip but, I was wondering if…” He fidgeted. “If you could show me more of the TARDIS?”

“Of course,” the Doctor replied, brightening at the idea of showing off his pride and joy.

“C’mon in, kid.” The man at his shoulder hiked his thumb towards the corridor. “I get why your mom doesn’t want you to leave the solar system, just yet, but this beautiful girl is a world of her own. I’ll show you my favorite places.”

Luke grinned and hurried up the gangplank after them. “Oh, by the way, Mum said tea is at six, and she expects everyone there,” he informed them with a stern look at the Doctor that he keenly remembered from his fourth body.

----------------------------------------------------

After sharing with Sarah Jane about her time in Pete’s world, an edited version of her time in captivity with Torchwood, the year on the Valiant, and their time in Pearl Harbor, Rose felt depleted. She slumped onto her table, spinning the steaming mug before her on the wooden surface. As kind as she had tried to be towards Sarah Jane’s feelings, she felt that she might have shared too much about her relationship with the Doctor. It was uncomfortable but also her biggest source of confusion. She needed a sympathetic ear, but with the silence ticking on, moment by moment, she was beginning to feel her cheeks heat with shame.

Rose glanced up at the other woman through her lashes, meeting Sarah Jane’s stunned eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to dump so much on you.”

“Not at all,” she squeaked before clearing her throat. “It’s just an amazing amount of information to sort through, even for one of the Doctor’s companions. Trapped in another universe, not aging, tortured, returning to an apocalyptic Earth, reversing it, only to then end up in a war? Sounds like you’ve been to hell and back.”

She snorted. “Feels like it too. I’m just so confused; everything is so jumbled.” 

“I don’t blame you,” Sarah Jane replied, placing her hand over Rose’s on the table. “Have you discussed any of this with the Doctor?”

“Some of it.” She shrugged. “I know he’s going to freak out about what I went through in the other universe. He’ll just blame himself and shut down, which isn’t what I want.”

“Sounds like him.” The other woman nodded sagely. “But Rose, you can’t put aside your needs because you’re afraid of how he may react.”

She released a sound of frustration. “He just started giving us a chance. I don’t want to push him away by telling him all of that.”

“And yet, you’re still pushing him away,” Sarah Jane gently countered. “Because you aren’t sure how far to trust him.”

“I know! I know I am,” Rose whinged, pulling herself up off the table to bury her face in her hands. “But I just don’t know what new thing is going to send him running. I don’t want to be left behind or rejected again. I don’t want to leave but I’m scared to stay if that is where this is inevitably leading. I can’t take it! Not again!”

Rose devolved into tears and heard Sarah Jane’s chair squeak across the floor. Moments later, two slim arms encircled her, hugging her tight. She sunk into the older woman’s embrace, clutching at her like child would their mother. Sarah wasn’t the right shape, thinner, more angular than Rose’s mother, and her perfume was wrong, but it felt good, nonetheless.

“Sweetheart,” Sarah Jane whispered into her hair. “I can’t tell you to leave or stay; you must make that decision on your own. What I can tell you is that relationships, any relationship, are a leap of faith. You never know how it will end, but that doesn’t mean the journey isn’t worth it.”

“I know,” she replied through sniffles. “I’ve said the same thing to him before but…”

After a few moments of waiting for her to finish Sarah Jane prompted, “But?”

“I don’t know,” Rose said, pulling back to wipe at her wet cheeks. “I should be happy. I’ve waited, over a decade, to hear him say that he loves me, but after everything that’s happened, it just feels… ruined.”

The back door flew open, startling both women. Sarah Jane released an exasperated sigh as Luke shambled inside with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry,” he said with an uncomfortable chuckle. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

His mother shook her head. “What are you doing back inside? I was sure I’d have to drag you out of that ship kicking and screaming.”

“I got hungry,” he replied with a shrug. “Apparently, one of Jack’s favorite places on the TARDIS isn't the kitchen.”

Rose released a soft laugh as the younger boy made a beeline for the fridge, seeming to find nothing that caught his interest because he slammed the door closed. “To be fair to him, there are many more exciting places than the kitchen.”

“You stay out of those cupboards young man,” Sarah Jane reprimanded without even a glance in his direction. “I’ll be starting tea soon.”

“But, Mom,” Luke whinged. “I’m hungry now.”

Rose chuckled and stood from her chair. “C’mon, we can find a way to occupy ourselves until then, yeah?”

“Yeah?” Luke gave her a cursory glance. “Do you play video games?”

“Play?” Rose blew out a raspberry. “I’m an expert.”

“Do you know Halo?” he asked with sparkling eyes.

“Know it?” She scoffed. “My brother was a champ at that game; taught me everything he knew. Let’s go!”

“Brilliant!” he crowed. “Follow me.”

She made to get up but was stopped short by Sarah Jane’s hand on her arm. “You don’t need to do this, Rose.”

“I want to,” she replied with a soft smile. “M-my brother… well, Luke is around the same age that I last saw him and—”

“No need to explain,” the older woman replied, standing to her feet and rubbing her hands over Rose’s arms.  “I understand completely.”

“I’ll keep him busy while you make tea,” Rose said, flicking a tear from her eye.

This was exactly what she needed. Sarah Jane’s home was warm and inviting; it grounded her. There were still curtain patterns to pick and tea to make. Boys still played games and gloated when they won. Despite her life seeming like a nightmare, there were mundane but beautiful things that kept the universe running. If she could just focus on those things, she would be fine.

----------------------------------------------------------

Sarah Jane smiled as she checked on Luke and Rose in front of the TV an hour later. The younger boy was groaning in disappointment at every win from the older woman. Rose seemed relaxed, her smile coming easier as the afternoon gave way to evening. With a content nod she walked back into the kitchen to check on the roast and released a weary sigh.

The Doctor was already slumped at her table with his face stuck in a stony frown. 

She smirked before turning to check the oven. “I assume you were listening.” 

He grunted in response as she pulled a mug down from the cupboard and flipped on the kettle. 

“Is that a yes or a no, Doctor?” Sarah Jane leaned back against the counter and quirked a brow; his scowl deepened.    

“It’s ruined ?” he asked, voice squeaking with indignation.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she said with a shake of her head. “You know, it really isn’t polite to intrude on people’s personal conversations.”

“Ruined?” he moaned, ignoring her gentle rebuke. “As in…unfixable?”

The kettle beeped, drawing her attention as she filled each of their mugs and added tea bags. “Doctor, no. Nothing is ruined.”

“But she said—”

“I know what she said,” Sarah Jane interjected, making her way to the table where she placed a steaming mug in front of him. “She was talking to me. I wasn’t eavesdropping.”

“I have to eavesdrop,” he grumbled, while heaping sugar into his tea. “She won’t talk to me.”

Sarah lifted a skeptical brow. “Can you blame her?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” the Time Lord bristled. “I know how much I fucked up. I know she shouldn’t trust me but—”

“Language, Doctor,” she chided with a scowl. “I have an impressionable young teen in the house.”

He mumbled out an apology and took a sip from his mug.

“You don’t want to deal with the redemption part,” Sarah Jane concluded with a raised brow. “You want to skip right back to her adoring you, without taking responsibility for how you have torn her down.”

“I have taken responsibility!” the Doctor snapped before tempering his tone at her pointed glare. “I know I screwed up. I know I didn’t treat Rose as she deserved but I’m done with all of that now. I want to be the person she trusts in life.”

“Well, that’s all very well and good,” she replied. “But that doesn’t mean the past disappears. Rose doesn’t know how far to trust this new enlightenment that you have found and that’s not her fault. Trust is earned, Doctor, and, at this point, I think it is time you start earning hers. It will take time and a concerted effort on your part. You’ll need to be cautious and think before you speak.”

“I always think before I speak,” he muttered into his teacup.

“Really? You do?” she asked, raising a skeptical brow. “Well then, I shudder to think what you would say if you didn’t?”

He scowled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, whether you want to admit it or not, your words can be very sharp,” Sarah Jane explained. “You get defensive and lash out when we try to know you better, insulting us, our home, and our species. The moment we step over some invisible boundary of yours, you cut us down with efficient brutality. Then, the next day, it is all smiles and compliments, but never an apology.”

The Doctor swallowed hard and dropped his eyes to the table.

“Rose can’t handle that right now,” she continued in a gentler tone. “She’s too fragile. If you want her to let her guard down, you need to be willing to do so, as well, and it won’t always be pleasant, but you can’t just tear her down whenever you get uncomfortable.”

“I know,” he mumbled, struggling to meet the intense gaze he could feel on him.

“I hope so.” Sarah Jane reached across the table, covering his hand with hers. “That woman needs some peace and a lot of love.”

He nodded once before abruptly straightening as Luke and Rose came barreling into the kitchen.

“Ha!” the boy whooped, sliding into a cupboard on socked feet. “At least I’m faster than you.”

Rose was laughing right behind him, a brilliant grin lighting up her face. “You’re just smaller, easier at handling the corners.”

“I’m only a few centimeters shorter than you,” he protested, whipping open the door to the refrigerator.

“By a few do you mean like fifteen?” she teased, ruffling his hair.

Sarah Jane glanced at the Doctor’s quizzical face as he observed the rambunctious pair in her kitchen. She offered him a knowing smile and turned to address them, “Take it easy, you two. No trips to A&E, okay?”

“Sorry,” Rose said with a sheepish smile, dimming a bit as she caught sight of him. “We’ll be careful.”

Sarah Jane frowned at her son’s backside as he dug around in the fridge. “I told you, Luke, no snacking.”

“M’not, Mom,” he whinged, turning to face her. “I’m just grabbing a soda.”

“Okay, tea will be ready shortly,” she replied. “I don’t want you to fill up on junk.”

“Oh!” Rose interjected, turning to face Luke. “I have some cake that I baked on the TARDIS. We can’t finish it alone.”

Luke tried to subdue his excitement as he nodded.

“I’ll go grab it,” she said, making her way to the back door.

The Doctor stood. “I can get it.”

It’s—” she finally deigned to grace him with her gaze. “It’s no problem.” She flashed, what seemed to be, a confident smile, to anyone other than those who knew her, and slipped out the door.

He collapsed back into his chair with a pitiful groan that was answered by Sarah Jane’s light chuckle and shake of her head. She went back to draining the potatoes in a strainer and putting them back in the pot. Luke had meandered back in the den, leaving them in uncomfortable silence, broken only by the incessant tick of a clock and the unnerving squelching sound as Sarah mashed tubers.

When the door opened a few minutes later, the Doctor jerked upright, eager to see Rose. When Jack stepped through the door instead, he slumped back onto the table.  

“Uh, hi!” he said to a surprised Sarah Jane. He pointed to the stand clutched tight in his hand, a half-eaten cake beneath its glass cloche. “Rose asked me to bring this in.”

She stepped forward with a cautious smile. “Oh, of course.”

“Where did she go?” the Time Lord asked, tensing in his seat. 

“Don’t be rude, Doc,” Jack chastised, glancing between him and his former companion.  “Introduce us.”

He shook his head in frustration. “Jack, this is Sarah Jane Smith. Sarah, Captain Jack Harkness.  Now, where did she go?”

She scoffed at his brusque tone, and took the cake from Jack’s hands with a gracious smile, placing it on the counter. 

“Relax, Doc.” He shrugged out of his coat and placed it over the back of a chair. “She’s just in the garden; said she needed some fresh air.”

Sarah Jane waved to the table. “Sit, I’ll bring you a cuppa.”

“Thanks, darlin’.” He offered her a brilliant grin and leaned down, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

Sarah Jane blushed and tittered as she went back to flip on the kettle. 

“Stop it,” the Doctor snapped before crossing his arms over his chest. 

“You know…” Jack’s lips twisted into a wry smile as he ran his hand over Rose’s cardigan on the table. “It’s kind of cold out this evening. She’s probably hurtin’ for this right now.”

The other man straightened. 

Jack glanced at Sarah Jane from the corner of his eye and winked. “I guess I should take it out to her.”

The Time Lord jumped to his feet. “I’ll take it!”

“You sure? I don’t mind.”

The Doctor circled the table and snatched it from Jack’s hands before striding out the door. Jack and Sarah Jane shared matching affectionate smiles and shakes of their heads. She fixed the other man a mug of tea and, within minutes, placed it into his hands.

“He can be so predictable.” Jack smiled as he blew across the surface of the liquid.

She laughed and joined him at the table. “Maybe to you, I’ve never seen him like this before.”

“Really?” He shrugged. “This is how he’s always been to me. That woman has him wrapped around her little finger.”

“It does seem like it,” she replied before going quiet for a few moments. “Well, Captain Harkness, tell me about yourself. How did you bump into this moody pair?”

He almost snorted into his tea but managed a wry shake of his head instead. “Now, that is a story.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------

Outside, the air was cool and crisp with the scent of fall. Leaves skittered around the Doctor’s feet and across the rolling green grass like one hundred mice. Brow furrowed, he circled the TARDIS parked at the rear of the house and found Rose sitting on a bench at the back of the garden, facing a wall of her namesake blooming a deep red. Her shoulders stiffened at his approach and his drooped.

Already? He was already making her tense?  

The Doctor cleared his throat. “I thought you might be cold. I brought your cardigan.”

She didn’t answer him for a few seconds before her entire frame relaxed and she turned to offer a small smile over her shoulder. “Thank you.”

She stood and tried to discreetly wipe the tears from her glassy eyes before taking the proffered item from his outstretched hand and pulling it on. The Doctor stepped forward, slipping his hands beneath her hair and threading it from under the collar. Rose sucked in a breath, staring at him wide-eyed as he cupped her jaw in his palm. 

“Your nose is red,” he whispered, leaning forward to nuzzle against her. 

Rose’s breath caught in her throat, pulling back from his, too familiar, touch as she turned to observe the flowers.

He sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets, following a few steps behind. “You know, you never answered me earlier, at the memorial.”

“You asked a lot of questions,” she evaded. “Where do you want me to start?”

He swallowed hard, afraid of her answers, but needing to hear them regardless. “Would you change meeting me, if you could? Go back to a normal life of beans on toast?” He shrugged and dropped his gaze, unable to stomach the regret he might see lurking in her eyes. “You would still have your mum, still have Mickey. You would be blissfully unaware of how much darkness lurks in this universe—”

He was cut off when Rose threw herself against him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I also wouldn’t know how brilliantly beautiful it can be.” She cupped the back of his head, pressing a kiss against the exposed skin beneath his ear. “You have shown me some of the most gorgeous sights I’ve ever seen.”

A bit of tension leaked out of his shoulders until she pulled back and cupped his cheeks in her hands, fresh tears brimming in her beautiful eyes. “Rose—”

“Oh, Theta.” She shook her head, running her thumbs over his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I ever made you feel this way.”

His brow furrowed as he settled his hands on her waist. “Sweetheart—”

“I would never,” she rushed to explain through stuttered sobs as she pulled his forehead down to rest against hers. “I-I wouldn’t change a single minute, not one, e-except all the m-minutes I was away from you.”

“Rose,” he breathed before crushing her weeping form to his chest in a tight hug. “Please don’t cry. You’re home, you’re back with me.”

“I know,” she said between sniffles before meeting his gaze. “And I’m so happy for that, because I love you so much, but…” She paused and bit her lip, dropping her head.

The Doctor curled a finger under her chin, bringing her glistening eyes back to his. “Tell me, my love.”

“I—” She glanced away and swallowed hard. “I-I’m scared, Theta.”

“Scared?” he murmured while wiping an errant tear from her cheek. “Why are you scared, Rose?”

“M’scared to get comfortable with you,” she replied, curling her hands into his jacket. “Scared to put my trust in you, only to have you walk all over my feelings.” More tears tumbled from her eyes, bottom lip trembling as she gasped for breath. “This time, I’m broken too. I-I just, I can’t take the rejection anymore; m’not strong enough. I need this to be something I can depend on and I’ve—"

“Waited long enough,” he interrupted. The Doctor cupped her face in his hands, hearts aching as he took in her blotchy cheeks. “My precious girl, I know you have no reason to trust me. I have dismissed and taken you for granted too many times, but I’m done running away from this, from you.” He dropped his hands to her hips again, sliding his arms around her and looking down into sparkling pools of amber. “I love you, Rose Tyler. I would tear apart time and space just to keep you at my side. I’m going to prove that you can depend on me, not just to have your back or save life, but to listen to your fears, hold you when you cry, and kiss you goodnight. I swear, no matter what happens, I will be here for you. You can confide in me. You can trust me.” He leaned down to place a kiss to her cheek. “For as long you’ll have me.”

--------------------------------------------------

Rose stared at him in open awe; never had he been so candid about his feelings. His words had almost sounded like vows, like he was pledging himself to her. Any walls that she had managed to build came tumbling down. Her heart was hammering in her chest, seeing every emotion he voiced reflected in his warm brown eyes. With air robbed from her lungs, Rose did the only thing she could. Rising on tiptoe, she pressed her lips to his, catching the hitched breath that escaped him.

Rose surged forward, raising her hands to bury them in his hair. He crushed her to his chest, possessive fingers clutching at her curves as she sank into him. Their kiss was wild and desperate, each seeking to connect and comfort, dying to heal the rift between them.

The Doctor walked her back a few steps, nibbling at her lips as he pressed her into the bushes behind her, not hard enough to prick her with their thorns, but close enough to feel the brush of soft petals against her cheeks. He pulled back from her, licking his wet swollen lips. She blinked up at him, dazed by the heated look in his eyes. For a moment, her heart leapt into her throat, fearing his inevitable departure.

When he swooped forward to claim her mouth once more, a soft sound of surprise left her that was quickly swallowed by her mate. He pawed at her with eager hands, one falling to trace the curve of her breast as the other curled around her neck, holding her hostage for his intent exploration.

She was putty in his hands, soft and malleable… and ravenous. Rose wanted more, all of him, his soul. She reached for their bond, pouring everything she felt in that moment into their connection, her joy, her hunger, her unadulterated need.

“ Rose ,” he moaned into her mouth, pressing himself ever closer. “I don’t—are you sure?”

The uncertainty in his tone shattered what was left of her restraint. She nodded against his lips, sucking and tugging at the delicate flesh as he pushed forward into her mind. A filthy groan escaped at his intrusion, one born of basal desire. She wrapped her mind close to his, clutching at his shoulders as tingles erupted over body.

The brush of his lips across her neck had a gasp bubbling up from her throat. He was cataloging her scent, her taste, reveling in each. It made her feel beautiful and treasured. His hands splayed possessive fingers across her back, holding her close as he peppered kisses to her neck and jaw. Rose squirmed, breaths coming fast as he consumed each of her senses.

“ Theta .”

“Yes, Rose,” he husked into her ear before nipping at the lobe.

She whimpered, her core growing flush and wet with desire. “I want…”

“What do you want, sweetheart?” His words brushed over her skin in the lightest caress, leaving goosebumps in its wake. “I’ll give you everything.”

She grabbed at his tie, loosening the material with deft fingers. She almost ripped the top buttons free as she strove to find bare skin. Rose released a soft noise of frustration at finding his undershirt firmly in place but didn’t fret on it long. She swirled her tongue into the hollow of his throat, nipping at his collarbone and thrilling when his fingers clutched into her hair, keeping her in place against his skin.

At any moment she expected the Doctor to stop this intimate exchange, not just out of shame but propriety—they were still in Sarah Jane’s back garden, after all. She could come out and interrupt them, embarrassing all parties involved, but Rose couldn’t muster enough concern to stop. It felt too good, melding with him mind and soul.

“ Rose ,” he moaned, cupping her cheek to lead her into another drunken kiss. “I-I know we shouldn’t be going this far but I—” A pitiful whimper bubbled up from his throat as his lips tugged at hers. “I don’t want to stop.”

She shook her head and followed his mouth as his fingers bunched into her skirt, hiking it up to her hip.

His chest rumbled with satisfaction when his hand curled around her bare thigh. “You’re just so bloody beautiful and I’ve wanted you for… so long ,” he admitted on a ragged breath.

The depth and desperation of his lust stunned her, as if he had waited an eternity to embrace her like this. The bright silver of his mind intertwined with the brilliant gold of hers, pulsating in triple time with their fluttering hearts. The Doctor held nothing back and poured himself into her, burrowing within her essence until she couldn’t distinguish them apart.

Rose’s body trembled in his grasp, electricity sparking through her limbs in a way she had never experienced while wearing so many clothes. He overwhelmed her senses with the coolness of his touch, the roughness of his kisses, the fiery desire flowing from his mind into hers. Her core tightened, clutching at nothing until the muscles ached to be filled.

“One day,” he murmured, slipping his hand around to tease the lace covering her arse. “One day, Rose Tyler, I will be inside of you just like this. You’ll be mine; body, mind, and soul.”

A mewl, that should have embarrassed her, passed Rose’s lips as she grasped at him.

The Doctor’s chuckle vibrated through her like a physical caress before being cut off by a moan. “I’m living for that time, my love,” he breathed against her lips while clutching at the joint where her hip met her thigh. “I ache for it but, until then, I hope you can understand my hunger for you. I love you, Rose Tyler, with everything I have.”

Rose opened her mouth to respond but found her face frozen as he surged forward across their connection, drowning her in every emotion he felt for her, his frustration and longing, grief and joy, love and lust. She was lost in a tide of everything that he embodied; all the traits that made him gorgeous to her, on vivid display, in this one moment of raw closeness. Their bond sparked and crackled with the intensity of their devotion, flaring brighter with every moment until white invaded her vision.

“Ah! Theta!” she cried out as a shuddering orgasm ripped through her, one born not of her body, but her mind.

He shuddered along with her while she writhed in his hold, hanging on every moan and gasp that left her lips.

“Stay with me,” she begged before even coming down from her high, immediately fearing the moment he awakened from this haze of arousal. “Don’t leave.”

“M’not going anywhere, my sweet girl,” he slurred into her ear. “I only want to be here with you.”

A soft sob shuddered through her, grasping his lapels so tight that she left wrinkles. “I only want you,” she gasped through labored breaths. “I’ve always wanted you… since the day we met.”

“I know,” he whispered, releasing his grip on her skirt so it fell back into place. “It was hard for me to believe, but… I do now.”

Her legs quivered as she clung to him, releasing a breathy laugh when he nuzzled against her neck. He held her there for a few short moments, cooing as aftershocks trembled through her body. When Rose felt steadier, she cleared her throat, placing a kiss against his sideburn.

“Theta, what was that?”

“Hmmm… wellll,” he drawled while sifting through her hair. “It was definitely unique.”

Rose stiffened slightly and glanced up at him, afraid to ask her next question. “Is that what intimacy is like for your people?”

“Not exactly,” he mumbled with a derisive snort. “Time Lords or Ladies were never eager to… share that much.”

She vacillated a moment, knowing this was a sensitive subject, before saying, “How unfortunate, that was beautiful.”

“I agree,” he purred while brushing soft kisses over her cheek. “I wouldn’t give that up for the whole universe.”

Rose blinked up at him with a slight frown. “Are you sure we’re…okay?”

The Doctor pulled back, forcing her to meet his gaze head-on. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You’ve been trying to avoid me, most of the day, and I basically forced intimacy on you.”

“You didn’t force anything,” she replied with a shake of her head while trying to straighten out his shirt and jacket. “I was a willing participant. And I wasn’t trying to avoid you.”

He raised a dubious brow.

“Okay, okay, maybe I was,” she said while holding her fingers close together. “Just a little bit. I’m confused and nervous and… ugh, worn out.”

The Doctor chuckled, swaying her side to side. “Then that little telepathic liaison of ours didn’t help, huh?”

“Not exactly.” She smirked; her body was a bit heavier than before, but her heart was lighter. “I don’t regret it though.”

He hummed in satisfaction and dropped a kiss to her forehead. “Neither do I.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, the uncertainty clear in her tone.

“Of course,” he said, pulling back to look her over. “Why?”

She shrugged and dropped her chin to her chest. “Because of your home, your people… this wouldn’t be—”

“Rose.” He slipped a finger under her chin, bringing her eyes back to his. “My home is with you and, as for my people, it doesn’t matter what they would think.” He swallowed hard. “They’re not here and, even if they were, it wouldn’t matter. I don’t care.”

“But—"

“Don’t argue,” he interrupted before brushing tender fingers over the letters on her necklace. “You’re mine, Rose.” He finally met her gaze again, looking content, almost tranquil. “And I’m yours. The only two beings alive, who get an opinion on our relationship, are you and me. Understand?”

She nodded as tears flooded her vision.

“Good,” he said, brushing the moisture away. “Besides, I love you, Rose Tyler. You make me happy. What could be wrong about that?”

“Not a thing,” came her shaky reply as she gifted him a brilliant, if watery, smile. “I love you, too.”

The Doctor matched her joy, swooping down to capture her lips in another passionate kiss. He was already reaching for her skirt again when a voice interrupted them

“Rose! Doctor! Oh!” Sarah Jane’s sudden presence startled them apart. “I-I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Rose froze, anxiety filling her as she turned red from head to toe. She ducked her gaze to the side and shuddered inwardly—how awkward. She wasn’t sure what was worse, Sarah’s stunned face or the Doctor’s lingering silence. She had never wanted to hurt Sarah Jane or flaunt their relationship in front of her. The thought that she may have done so put a huge damper on her happiness, as did the Doctor’s reaction. She braced herself for his inevitable deflection and coldness with eyes clenched shut, fighting off tears.

A slender arm slid around her waist, pulling her against a firm chest. “Sorry about that, Sarah Jane,” the Doctor chirped. “Rose and I were just having a chat. Right, love?”

She finally pulled her flaming face away from its hiding place in his jacket, looking up into soft molten eyes. “Uh-huh.”

“Oh, I see,” came Sarah Jane’s shaky reply. “Well, tea is ready so—”

Rose heard the uncertainty in her tone as she trailed off and found the courage to face the older woman. Sarah Jane’s cheeks were as red as hers, but the slight sheen of tears in her brown eyes made her heart shatter. Despite their differences before, Sarah had been a sympathetic ear during her turmoil, and she had repaid her kindness by parading her happiness in front of her.

Rose flew out of the Doctor’s grasp and towards the older woman with tears already forming in her eyes. “Oh, Sarah! I’m so sorry,” she rushed out, her frantic words tumbling over each other. “I didn’t mean for you to—”

“Rose, Rose, my dear,” she soothed, gathering the younger woman in her arms. “Take a breath.”

She sucked in a breath as the Doctor came to their side, shadowing both women. “Rose?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Rose opined, seeing the reflection of her former rejection in Sarah Jane’s face and feeling infinitely guilty.

“Hush, Rose,” she said in a firm tone, garnering her attention through Rose’s hiccups. “Don’t apologize.”

“But—”

“Are you alright?” she interrupted, rubbing her arms.

Rose drew up short with a sniffle. “Yes.”

“Are you happy?”

“Yes, but—”

“Rose.” Sarah Jane grabbed her face in her hands. “We leave parts of our lives behind to begin new chapters. My time with the Doctor ended a long time ago. Thankfully, your time with him has entered a whole new era.” She reached out for the Doctor’s hand, which he offered with a smile, and pressed it on top of Rose’s. “You are both my friends. If you make each other happy, then I am happy for you.”

Rose’s breath hitched. “Really?”

“Of course,” Sarah Jane replied, drawing her into a hug. “Now, let’s feed you, yeah?”

She sunk into the embrace, wrapping her free hand around the other woman’s middle as she led her inside. “That sounds amazin’.”

Rose felt a soft tug on her other hand and looked back to see the Doctor bringing her knuckles to his lips. The somber pall that had encircled her lifted. She offered him a shy smile and allowed Sarah Jane to bring them into the dining area where Jack and Luke were waiting. They all sat at the set table with a collective sigh.

“Finally,” Luke grumbled, reaching for the potatoes. “I’m starvin’.”

“Manners,” his mother reprimanded. “Pass things around first.”

Rose suppressed a chuckle as his face fell, the boy gazing with forlorn eyes as the bowl of potatoes was moved away from him. Jack nudged her shoulder, raising a brow in question. She nodded and offered a smile that promised more info later.

She relaxed as they settled into genial conversation, each person swaying between laughter or contended interest. Rose tried her best to finish her meal but found that her lids were growing heavy after only a few bites. Sarah Jane’s voice soothed her. The Doctor’s arm around her shoulders made her feel safe. Jack and Luke’s laughter eased the tension in her muscles, until her awareness faded away, calmed to sleep by the well-known push and pull of familial bickering.

-------------------------------------------

The Doctor felt Rose’s head slump against his shoulder as a soft smile found his lips. It had been a long emotional day for all of them, but she bore the brunt of it. She just felt things more acutely, maybe because she was human, but he couldn’t ever remember another human’s mind affecting him the same as hers. He lost touch with himself inside her mind, abandoning all inhibitions, as evidenced by his behavior in Sarah Jane’s garden.

He shivered at the recent memory; that had been completely unexpected. He still meant what he said, he didn’t regret anything, even if his cheeks burned with embarrassment at being so intimate in such a public space. He hadn’t cared at the time, though. Between Rose’s tears and soft kisses, he wouldn’t have cared if an army of Cybermen had stormed the streets of London, let alone given a toss about propriety standards. He had barely been able to keep from undressing her.

The Doctor shook his head, a smirk curling his lips. His lack of control around Rose frustrated him in an amusing sort of way. He finally understood all those jokes about males only wanting one thing. She was just too soft and warm, the perfect mixture of innocence and sexpot, with lips that were made to be kissed.

Rose enjoyed his kisses, too, which filled him with a smug sort of satisfaction. She had melted into him like warm butter, surrendering to his touch with an eagerness that thrilled him. The way she had reached for their bond, desperate and hungry, made his hearts beat double-time. Her mind was beautiful, her reactions so blissfully guileless. She had held nothing back in that exchange and neither had he.

The Doctor wasn’t sure why he had taken things that far, enough to give her an orgasm out in the open, but he supposed the exact reason didn’t really matter. He had responded to his mate’s desire. Her arousal had called to a very basal part of his mind, encouraging him only to deepen it, to drown her in his lust and love, until she cried out with pleasure. It had felt good, so bloody good, and he wanted to do it again, this time with significantly less clothing.

A chair scraping across the floor startled the Doctor’s eyes open. He frowned, unsure when he had closed them. Luke dropped his plate into the sink and served himself a slice of Rose’s cake before rushing back to the table. The pre-teen scooped a large bite onto his spoon and shoved it in his mouth before releasing a contended hum.

Jack chuckled and stood, clearing away the Doctor and Rose’s plates, along with his. “Rosie’s one hell of a cook now, I’ll give her that.”

Luke gorged himself on the confection. “Tell ‘er is good,” he mumbled around a bite, offering the Doctor a thumbs up.

He smiled and nodded. “She’ll be glad to hear that.”

“Poor thing must be exhausted.” Sarah Jane came to his side, sliding a mug of tea and a piece of dessert in front of him. “You should stop running her so ragged, Doctor. She’s only human, you know.”

Rose was much more than human, but he took her point. “You’re right, of course.” He turned to place a kiss on Rose's hair. “We’ll keep things quiet for the next few trips.”

Jack returned to the table with a snort, stepping over his chair as he placed a dish, with a third of the cake, in front of him. “That’ll be the day.”

“Hey!” Luke complained, glancing at the other man’s generous portion. “You took almost all of it.”

“What can I say, kid?” Jack teased while taking a large bite. “M’bigger than you. Takes a lot of calories to keep up this physique.”

The Doctor snorted and Sarah Jane laughed as she grabbed her mug from the kitchen and sat across from him.

“Mum?” Luke ventured after scraping his plate clean. “Can I have another slice?”

“Absolutely not,” she said in a tone that brokered no arguments. “It’s a school night and you need to get up early tomorrow.”

“But Mum…” he whinged.

“Luke,” she replied. “You know the drill. Shower time.”

“Fine.” He scowled and shoved his chair back, making to stand.

“Don’t forget your dishes,” she reminded him. “You need to put them in the sink.”

Luke snatched up his plate and fork with a sullen look, dropping them in the sink a few moments later with a clatter before he shambled out of the room.

Sarah Jane sighed and met the Doctor’s gaze again. “Teenagers… you try to do what’s best for them and they hate you for it.”

“He doesn’t hate you, Sarah Jane.” He shook his head and offered a reassuring smile. “You’re a good mother.”

“Yeah,” Jack interjected, giving her a wink. “Trust me; I was a terror at that age. Moody, arrogant, thought I knew best.” He shrugged. “It comes with the territory, but Luke’s a good kid. He’s lucky to have you.”

She smiled and reached out to cover his hand with hers. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

Jack… blushed? If the Doctor hadn’t seen it with his own eyes, he wouldn’t have believed it. The other man coughed and mumbled a ‘you’re welcome’ before hiding in his dessert.

Sarah Jane chuckled, her eyes drifting back to Rose’s slumbering form. A frown tugged at her lips. “I can’t believe she’s still asleep.”

“She’s not really,” the Doctor corrected, entranced by the woman resting on his shoulder. “She’s sort of in-between, that glowing place between waking and dreams, where you don’t know if things are real or a figment of imagination.”

His eyes traveled the curve of her cheek, the slope of her nose, the dark fan of her closed lashes, the slight pucker of her lips. Do you dream of me, precious one?

Rose released a contented sigh.

He smiled as she wrapped her drifting consciousness around their bond, in what could only be described as a mental snuggle. It almost brought a tear to his eye.

“You’re really that attuned to her?” Sarah Jane asked, drawing him from his thoughts.

Jack cleared his throat and gathered his empty plate and glass before standing. “I’m gonna get started on the dishes.”

“Oh!” She turned towards him. “You don’t need to do that.”

“It’s no problem, sweetheart.” He gave her a dazzling grin.

It was Sarah’s turn to blush. “Well, t-thank you.”

The Doctor almost folded his arms across his chest but was mindful of the woman at his side. “Stop it.”

Jack flipped him the bird and turned towards the kitchen, whistling to himself.

“Well,” Sarah Jane said, a little breathless as she turned back to him. “He’s certainly charming.”

The Doctor scoffed. “If you’re into that kind of thing.”

“Striking blue eyes, a gorgeous smile, and a jawline that can cut glass?” She smirked at him. “Everyone is into that. I’m just wondering how you managed to convince him to travel with you.”

“Tch, it’s not difficult,” he replied. “I do have a ship that travels in time.”

A knowing smile twisted her lips. “Don’t try that attitude on me; you trust him.”

“Of course, I do.” He nodded, his tone becoming more confident. “Jack has proven himself over and over again. I know I can trust him. His advice is invaluable, and I can count on him to take care of Rose.” His face softened as he glanced at her. “He loves her as much as I do.”

“It’s strange,” Sarah Jane murmured, looking away with a frown. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say you love someone.”

His brow furrowed, catching the hurt and dejection that lingered in her tone. “I love all my friends and companions, not in the same way but, I do.”

She turned back, wiping moisture from her eyes. “You could have said something. It hurts, feeling disposable.”

“You were never disposable, Sarah Jane,” he assured before his eyes found the table.

She scoffed.

He flinched and swallowed past the uncomfortable lump lodged in his throat. “I should have said something. You’re my friend, I care about you, and you should have known that.” He shook his head, annoyed with his past self. “Somewhere along the way, I became jaded. I thought if I didn’t open myself up to those feelings, it wouldn’t hurt as much when people left, and it only became worse after Gallifrey was lost. It was stupid and selfish. Even after meeting Rose, I didn’t learn my lesson until… now. It took almost losing her twice again before I came to my senses.”

“Well, you always have been a bit thick,” she teased, taking a sip from her mug.

“Oi!”

She chuckled for a moment before another uncomfortable silence settled between them.

The Doctor’s false outrage faded, his somber gaze finding hers. “I can’t change what I’ve done in the past, Sarah Jane, but I am sorry, and I can do better now.”

She studied him for a few moments, where he sat shaking in his seat, and then smiled. “Well, I guess that means I should start expecting regular visits from you.”

“I can do that,” he replied with an eager nod. “Easy.”

She reached across the table covering his hand with hers. They shared a moment of healing with each other before she released a blustering sigh. “Well, I should probably go check that Luke is getting ready. I swear that kid would play video games all night if I let him.”

The Doctor nodded, turning his gaze back to Rose.

“And you should put that poor girl to bed,” Sarah chided. “She’s going to get a crick in her neck, sleeping like that.”

He released a quiet chuckle at her gentle mothering. “Right, as always.”

“Do you need a hand, Doc?” Jack asked from the kitchen.

“Nah, I got her.”

He stood and gathered Rose into his arms, amid her grumbled protest. When he finally convinced her to wrap her arms around his neck, she snuggled back into his shoulder, slipping into a light doze. The Doctor smiled and shook his head, settling her more firmly against him.

“Let me get the door for you,” Sarah Jane said, rushing to open the door to the back garden. “Will you be leaving tonight or—”

“Probably in the morning,” he interjected with a nod of thanks as he slipped outside. “Rose will want to say goodbye.”

“I’m gonna stay and help with the cleaning, Doc,” Jack called from inside. “Don’t wait up.”

“No funny business, Captain.”

He didn’t get a reply.

He gave Sarah Jane a look of warning. “Watch yourself around him.”

“I think I’m perfectly safe, Doctor,” she said with a smirk. “Goodnight.”

He walked away, grumbling under his breath about flirty upstart captains, but his annoyance was quick to fade. Sarah Jane was an intelligent grown woman. She could make her own decisions and he wouldn’t think too deeply about them.

He made his way towards the TARDIS, glancing down at the woman in his arms, his Rose, his mate, the person he loved more than any in the universe. If only for her sake, at least, he hoped his temperamental ship would be kind. He approached the blue doors, turning to place his back against them. They gave at the slightest pressure.

Stepping inside the TARDIS felt different somehow, like he was leaving a huge weight behind. The burden of Gallifrey’s expectations no longer shackled him. Had he made peace with the death of his planet and people? No. Had he put his guilt to rest over being the one who destroyed it? Absolutely not, but he had given into his normal nature and flouted any idea of their taboos. He wasn’t going to let his past get in the way of grabbing happiness now.

Besides, it wasn’t just his happiness that the Doctor was ensuring. His eyes found Rose as he wound through the console room. She deserved happiness, too. She was blameless in all of this; her only crime was loving his irredeemable arse. It would be wrong to punish her for his past transgressions. All she asked for was his love and, since she owned his hearts already, that was easy to provide.

His brow furrowed as he wandered the TARDIS halls, drawing closer to her room with each step. He couldn’t deny his sins but also couldn’t bring himself to hurt her by maintaining his careful, distant, façade. Rose had given up everything for him. He would be a fool to take that gift for granted.

As he approached her door, the Doctor’s steps slowed. He didn’t want this night to end. He would stay by her side if he could, but his mind was running a million miles a minute. A whole slew of places he could take her, different ways to show his love and devotion; they all clambered through his head for attention. He was anxious to start but Rose was sleeping, she needed her rest.

The Doctor pushed through her door, finding her bed already folded down. He slipped his love beneath the covers, removing the shoes from her feet as he tucked her in. Rose complained throughout the process but sighed as she settled onto her pillow. The tug on his hearts as he moved to the door made him grimace. He glanced back at her one more time, before the lights dimmed, and left her in peace, closing it behind him.

The hallway was cold and empty, his shoulders slumped. A warm affectionate brush slipped through his mind. The Doctor drifted his fingers over the coral wall with a small smile. The concern from his ship was touching, her effervescent attitude cleared away some of his melancholy. Even she was excited about the idea of new travels, especially ones geared specifically towards courting his mate. A full grin stretched his mouth as he headed towards the console room, eager to start on his plans.

------------------------------------------------------

Rose awoke slowly to a sharp digging pain in her breast. She groaned and rolled over, blinking at the room around her. The last thing she remembered was sitting next to the Doctor at Sarah Jane’s table; he must have carried her back to the TARDIS. She glanced to the empty side of the bed and frowned, disappointed that he didn’t stay.

The stabbing pain came again, she hissed. Wiggling to get her bra back in place where the underwire wouldn’t impale her, Rose tried to close her eyes and fall back into oblivion. The TARDIS was keeping the lights low which meant it wasn’t time for her to be awake yet. If she just stayed still, she might be able to tap back into that warm peaceful exhaustion she had felt at Sarah Jane’s.

A few minutes later, just as her body began to relax, the pain came again on the opposite side, jerking her straight back into full consciousness. Rose’s eyebrow ticked as she finally gave up and flung off the covers. She rolled out of bed with an irritated huff and twisted her arms to grab the zipper at her back. She yanked it down and let the dark blue dress puddle at her feet. Flicking open the clasp on her bra, she shimmied it off her shoulders and glared at the offending garment before tossing both items into her laundry basket.

Rubbing at her breasts, Rose dragged her feet across the carpet towards her dresser and dug out the first t-shirt she came across. It felt big and soft, a perfect sleeping shirt. She also grabbed some loose knit shorts before trudging towards the ensuite she shared with the Doctor. She was surprised to find both of their doors wide open.

Rose glanced into his darkened room, catching him asleep on the bed, a forgotten book resting on his chest. Her eyes softened before she quietly drew the door shut and turned on the lights. She grimaced at her reflection in the mirror, wishing she could be asleep instead, but her routine-ruled brain would never let her rest without washing her face and brushing her teeth. She did the former in a few quick moments, wiping her face on a towel before dressing in the clothes she had picked.

She smoothed down her large Beatles t-shirt and grabbed a hairbrush from the counter, dragging it through her sleep tangled locks. She winced every time she hit a snarl but continued mercilessly; she just wanted to sleep. Snatching up her toothbrush from the cup on the counter, Rose set about the last step of her nighttime ritual.

She was almost finished when she heard a faint noise from the Doctor’s room. She spat and rinsed her mouth, brow raising as the noise came again, louder this time. Rose shut off the lights and tiptoed into his room, not wanting to disturb his rest.

The Doctor’s face was drawn in what looked like pain, his squirming movements dislodging the book from his chest. It fell to the floor with a thunk . He startled, his desperate whimpers growing louder as she approached.

“N-“ he mumbled, cringing at whatever nightmare haunted him. “N-mre”

“Theta,” she whispered, plucking his askew glasses from his head.

“So loud,” he sobbed, shuddering in his sleep. “N’mre.”

“Doctor,” she tried again, kneeling beside the bed. “Theta, wake up.”

“No!” he hollered, recoiling from her. “No more!”

“Theta, wake up!” Rose gave him a gentle shake. “You’re having a nightmare.”

He awoke with a flailing start, his panicked eyes snapping open. The Doctor’s gaze remained unfocused, replaying the dream even while awake, if the tears streaming down his face were any indication. 

“Theta?” She reached up, patting his cheek.

His pupils sharpened as he finally took in her presence. “Rose?”

“I’m here,” she soothed, brushing the moisture from his skin. “It’s okay.”

He captured her hand against his face and sat back, drawing her onto the bed beside him. “Rose.”

“I’m here,” she assured, rubbing her other hand across his shoulders.

A soft sob burst from his lips as the Doctor threw himself against her, collapsing into her arms. “Rose!” he wept, gasping for air as he clung to her. “Make it stop. It’s too loud.”

“What’s too loud, love?” she asked, running her hand over his hair.

“The explosions,” he whispered, his whole form shaking with fear. “They’re too loud. Arcadia is—it’s falling.” 

Rose stiffened, that name was familiar. Her heart lurched as she realized what was happening; he was remembering the destruction of his planet. Frustrated tears gathered in her eyes, wrapping her arms around the heartsbroken Time Lord crying in her lap. Of course, their experience of Pearl Harbor had brought some traumatic memories to the surface. How could she be so blind, so selfish?

All day, she had been focused on her feelings, her trauma, never thinking that the Doctor could be going through the same. Just because he didn’t show it outwardly didn’t mean the memories weren’t haunting him. He always seemed so strong to her, easily able to flip a switch and move on, but, as horrific as Rose’s experiences had been, she knew his were thousands of times worse.

Readjusting herself on the bed, Rose cupped his face in her hands, forcing him to meet her gaze. “Theta, it was a nightmare. There are no explosions, luv.”

His brows drew down in confusion as he looked her over and then around the room.

“We’re on the TARDIS,” she whispered, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. “We’re home.”

He took a deep breath and collapsed against her again with a shuddering sigh. “Home.”

“Yes.” She situated him into a more comfortable position, sliding her legs along either side of his body as she brought his head down to her chest. “The safest place in the universe.”

“It is,” he replied shakily, tilting his head up to hide against her neck.

His arms became a vice around her, his grip in her t-shirt unyielding. Rose didn’t mind and relaxed. She began humming softly, drawing her fingers through his hair as his body continued to shiver. When she felt his hot tears leaking onto her skin, her heart cracked in two. Rose reached for their bond, fumbling to imitate the Doctor’s natural ease. Following her instincts, she brushed against his mind, showering him in love and sympathy. His breath hitched.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said in a strangled tone.

“Shh,” she replied, pulling back to place a kiss to his forehead. “That’s not what love is about. No one can be undeserving of love. Love is a personal choice. It doesn’t need explaining beyond that. I love you because I do.”

He sniffled. “I love you too.”

“What was your nightmare about?” she asked, giving their connection another intentional brush. “Could you show me?”

He stiffened and pulled back from her, shaking his head, eyes wide in panic. “N-no, I-I can’t. Not that. Please Rose, I—”

“Relax, relax,” she soothed, cutting him off. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I just thought it might help to share. The way you did with me.”

He swallowed hard; his brows drawn in indecision. Rose knew he wanted to be more open with her, wanted to earn her trust, but maybe starting with the most traumatic time in his life was going a bit fast. The last thing she wanted was for him to share something he was uncomfortable with, just for her sake.

“Maybe you could just tell me?” she suggested. “Describe your nightmare?”

He went quiet, pursing his lips as he lowered himself back against her body. She accepted him with open arms and resumed her soft petting of his hair. For a long moment, she thought he wouldn’t speak until his low voice split the tense atmosphere.

“It was the fall of Arcadia,” he whispered. “We were so blindsided. No one ever thought that could happen. It was supposed to be the safest place on Gallifrey, protected by four-hundred sky trenches. It was never supposed to—” He broke off on a hitched sob.

“It’s okay,” Rose cooed, rubbing her hand over his back. “M’here. I’m right here with you.”

The Doctor sucked in a large breath before continuing in a haunted tone, “The Daleks broke through our defenses on the last day of the Time War. They didn’t need to, they could have leveled the whole city with just one, but they sent everything they had. They destroyed everything. Gallifreyans and Time Lords alike were panicked. Things were exploding, everyone was screaming, children crying as they watched their parents murdered before their eyes, only to follow a few moments later. The Daleks had no mercy and the Time Lords, in their arrogance, were unprepared. I-I couldn’t take it anymore.” He paused for a moment, as if debating with himself to continue. “Anyway, that’s around when you woke me up.”

There was something else, Rose knew, but let it slide, instead pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I’m glad I did. That sounds like a terrible dream.”

He nodded, deflating against her in relief.

She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight. “You did the best you could, Theta.”

“How do you know that?” he pouted.

A soft smile found her lips as she brushed her nose through his hair. “Because I know you. If there had been any other way, you would have found it.”

“I should have found it.”

Rose heard the self-disgust in his tone and pursed her lips. “Theta,” she began cautiously. “You can’t save everyone.”

“I know that!” He tried to rip out of her grasp, but she held tight.

“Doctor!” She calmed her tone when his gaze snapped towards her. “Theta, you were the one who told me this, the one who brought me back from the brink. How can you offer me that grace when you can’t offer yourself the same?”

“Because you are you, Rose!” he hollered, gasping around a ragged breath. “You are never trying to hurt anyone.”

“You weren’t trying to hurt anyone either,” she responded, pleading with him to understand. “You were trying to stop a bad situation, to save billions of other planets, trillions of lives from the same enemy that destroyed yours.”

He grumbled incoherently and slumped against her, finally giving up his struggle.

“If you didn’t stop the Daleks when you did, I may not even be here,” Rose whispered.

The Doctor went still in her arms before peeking up at her. “I-I’ve never actually thought about it like that before.”

“You saved my life before I even met you.” She placed a kiss against his forehead. “I know how much guilt you feel but healing takes time. My only hope is that one day, you can see yourself the way I see you. You’re my hero.”

“Rose.” His breath hitched as he nuzzled down into her breasts, seeking comfort in the warmth of her body. “I’m still so glad I met you. I would never want to miss out on that.”

“Neither would I.” She snuggled him close, relaxing back against the pillows.

He stiffened when the lights lowered, leaving them in darkness. “Please don’t leave.”

“Don’t worry, luv. I’ll keep the bad dreams away,” she promised, giving him a squeeze. “Why didn’t you come to my room if you were tired, anyway?”

He mumbled into her cleavage.

Rose chuckled. “Sorry, didn’t catch that.”

“I wasn’t sure if I could or not,” he said, resting his chin on her breastbone. “I-I didn’t want to invade your privacy or make you angry—”

Rose grabbed his face and pressed her lips to his, silencing him. The Doctor went still before melting into her with a groan. For a moment, she lost herself in the cool feel of his mouth and tongue. His weight felt so nice, pushing her into the mattress, and, if she wasn’t mistaken, she could feel something hard against her thigh. A thrill ran through her followed by a wave of anxiety. As much as she loved and wanted her Doctor, she was still exhausted and, with everything that happened today, she really needed time to process.

Rose pulled away, chuckling when the Doctor chased after her lips. “Theta?”

“Yes?” His distracted tone was a tad breathless. “What is it, precious girl?”

The endearment softened her; she went in for one last kiss before brushing her fingers over his cheek. “I want these things from you, but we may be going a little…” Rose cleared her throat. “Fast?”

“Oh.” He blinked his eyes open, retreating from her. “Uh… I’m sorry.”

“Where do you think you’re going, ya’ plum?” Rose asked, drawing him back down into her embrace. “I still want a cuddle.”

“You sure?”

“Of course,” she assured him, running her hand over his hair. “And, just so you know, you can always come and sleep with me.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I sleep better with you anyway,” she said, releasing a yawn.

The Doctor gave her a gentle squeeze. “Goodnight, Rose.”

“’Night,” she mumbled, squirming into a more comfortable position.

They slumped into bed together, their combined heartbeats lulling them to sleep in short order. It was where they were each meant to be, wrapped in love and the warm glow of connection. They were starting a new adventure, something new for both. They were facing the unknown, each with their own insecurities and scars, but neither was scared. Each was eager to tackle any upcoming challenges together… always together.