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The day was finally here. Noelle finally got to wear her new dress that had been sitting in the closet for an entire week: a beautiful white, pleated and ruffled dress with puffy (but not too puffy) short sleeves and a smooth, textureless layer of fabric on the inside. Truly, this was the one dress that her mother had ever bought that really seemed to suit her – no fake smiles necessary.
And, Noelle got to wear this wonderful dress to none other than the most special event of the whole season. She was desperately trying to curb the desire to swing her feet back and forth in her seat as the lights slowly began to dim in Hometown’s singular auditorium; the traveling production of The Nutcracker had finally come by, and everyone was here to see it.
It was Mrs. Dreemurr, actually, who suggested they all go together. She had offered to purchase tickets for the eight of them, until Noelle’s mother seemed to take offense to this and insisted they were capable of buying tickets themselves – Mrs. Dreemurr just smiled and nodded as always.
Now, they were all here, lined up in their eight consecutive seats, waiting for the show to begin. Noelle looked over at her sister sitting next to her; she was wearing her favorite button-up, much to their mother’s objection. “It’s far too casual,” she had been saying, only for Dess to fire back with “YOU’RE far too casual!” making them both angry with each other. Dess wasn’t that good at insults, but Noelle somewhat admired her ability to talk to their mom that way.
Further down was the aforementioned mother, staring straight ahead in stone-faced anticipation for the performance. Next to her mother was Noelle’s father, who happened to catch her eye, sending a wink in response to her smile. His words saying how pretty she looked kept bouncing around in her head.
Conversely, the Dreemurr family was on her left; Kris was in the seat next to her, sporting a rare clean polo knock-off with beige cargo shorts. Azzy was in his (remarkably nicer) button-up next to them, followed by both their smiling parents excitedly awaiting showtime. (Although, Mr. Dreemurr actually looked a bit more lethargic than enthused. Despite this, he was still smilier than ever.)
The feet-kicking urge was slowly winning control as Noelle listened to the pit orchestra tune their instruments. Finally, The Nutcracker in person! She had heard the music and all before, but now she would watch the full story in context. She couldn’t wait to see the perfect ballet fall in sync with the songs she’d been raised to.
The lights dimmed, and a hush fell over the auditorium. As the curtains opened, the dark set of a living room decorated top to bottom for Christmas began to glow with life. The dancers poured onto the stage as the orchestra started to play the first few notes of their opening song.
Noelle dared not to blink, leaning forward in her seat. She didn’t want to miss a single second of this. Glancing back and forth at her family surrounding her, she saw that everyone was watching as intently as she was.
Well, almost everyone. She did the slightest double take to look back at Kris, who was already asleep in their chair, two minutes into the show. A little further down, it looked like Mr. Dreemurr was about to succumb to the same fate.
Three… no, four days. It had been four days in a row now, right? Four days in a row of Kris coming over to the Holiday residence to “play,” only to retreat to the dining room after an ever-decreasing amount of time.
Noelle had long since learned not to disturb Kris while they were playing the piano. Of course, she tried to watch at first, but she would always be noticed within minutes, leaving Kris’s song to be cut short. Whether it was out of self-consciousness, or embarrassment, or something else, Noelle didn’t know.
She loved music – she really did. Which is why deciding to just stand back and listen didn’t bother her so much in the end. Admittedly, she didn’t always recognize the songs that Kris played; a lot of them sounded like they could have been beginner’s music, all relatively simple and slow.
That didn’t mean they were unpleasant to listen to, of course. The one song Noelle always recognized was Chopin’s “Nocturne in E Flat Major, Op. 9 No. 2.” Maybe not fully by name, but the melody would stick in her head, always subconsciously waiting for it to be Kris’s next song. It was a good one, always. But…
Today was different. Because she loved Kris’s music, she was going to confront them. She had a request.
The same thing happened as usual. Noelle made her presence known, they looked up, stopped playing, and closed the piano lid, ready to pretend as if nothing ever happened.
Nuh-uh, it’s too late for that, this time! Noelle thought to herself. Of course Kris could play whatever songs they wanted, but what’s one harmless suggestion?
When she spoke, though –
“Hey, um, Kris?”
– she wasn’t expecting her voice to shake like it did. She caught only a glimpse of Kris’s eye under their bangs as they turned toward her.
“Umm… do you remember when we, uh… went to see The Nutcracker, all those years ago? Do you… know the song, ‘Waltz of the Flowers?’”
The intermission left the halls of the auditorium bustling with Hometown’s residents scrambling to get back to their seats before the lights dimmed again. The building was on the edge of town, rarely attended save for proper events that needed to house more than twenty people; clearly, many of the monsters here had yet to memorize the layout of the place.
Noelle gazed longingly at the counter, delicious pastries on the other side of the protective glass. The sugar plum tarts were taunting her, only a mere $4 each…! Her beloved dress was backfiring on her; it was far too likely for her to accidentally stain the beautiful white fabric… or at least that’s what her mother had said. She had refused to give Noelle any money for them as a result, despite her father’s protests (“It will be fiiine!” “Noelle’s a careful girl, right?”).
She was snapped out of her gaze by a single musician rushing past her, violin in hand. Noelle’s gaze followed them to a slim hallway tucked in the corner of the huge lobby. A passage backstage…?
Noelle knew better than to try going somewhere she shouldn’t. The last thing she wanted was an earful from her mother after already being denied once – that might as well be two strikes, something she wanted to avoid if at all possible. But, intermission was almost over, anyway… would it really be such a huge deal to take one little peek?
After taking a few quick and quiet steps (Holiday family ninja-style) in that direction, though, she quickly realized it was nowhere near as exciting as she originally guessed it to be. No, it was just the restrooms.
Three doors with their respective symbols plastered next to them towered over her: men’s, women’s, and a unisex family restroom. Standing directly across from them, on the other side of the hallway, was Kris. They were slouched over, fiddling with their hands.
Noelle looked around, further down the hall, over her shoulder – none of the other Dreemurrs were around. Kris might as well have been glued to the back wall from the way they were pressed up against it, heels touching the baseboard moulding.
Without giving it much of a second thought, Noelle bounded over towards them. “Are you waiting on Azzy, Kris?”
Kris’s head jolted up, eyes meeting her’s suddenly as if they hadn’t noticed she was there. Did they seem a little… nervous? No, maybe it’s…
“Orrr… do you not know where Azzy went?” Noelle took a step closer, tilting her head.
As if to answer “yes,” Kris dropped their gaze back down, with some kind of vague, quiet mumble about trying to find him.
Kris was never the biggest fan of talking, Noelle had noticed. She always felt so chatty in comparison to them, despite not always having a lot to say herself. Mrs. Dreemurr had mentioned at some point what it was – “selective” something or other… Noelle was kicking herself for not remembering the name of it.
Whatever it was, there were a lot of people that Kris wouldn’t talk to, and a lot of situations where they couldn’t speak at all. Noelle wondered if this might be one of them. Or, at the very least, maybe they were approaching that state again.
In times like this, Noelle knew she had to push her anxiety back and take a step forward. Kris always seemed to be the more courageous one, but everyone needs a break, right?
“Do you want to walk back to the auditorium with me? I think the show’s about to start again.”
A quick nod from Kris in response.
Glancing behind into the rapidly clearing lobby, she took Kris’s hand in hers. “It can get kinda loud and scary during intermission time, especially with all the people walking around.”
They passed the counter, where all the tarts had been seemingly bought. “I’ve been here enough times that I know my way around, but it’s your first time here, right? All of the hallways are a little confusing… I used to get lost all the time.”
The two of them rounded the corner and began to approach the auditorium doors. “Dess never got lost here at all, probably ‘cuz she’s taller than us… One day, we’ll all be taller than her and be able to find our way around easy-peasy.”
Aside from the muttering of the audience that flooded around them when the doors opened, it was quiet between them again. Noelle wasn’t expecting any kind of response; she just wanted Kris to feel like it would be all right.
They found their seats; row G, seats 12 and 13. “It wasn’t that long of a walk back, right?” Noelle turned and smiled at them.
Kris looked like they were about to say something when they got pulled into a half-hug, half-headlock by Azzy, saying that he was looking for them everywhere. By the time he was done, it was too late to exchange any more words – the lights had fully dimmed, and the music was starting once again.
They both scrambled back into their seats, Kris freeing themself from Azzy’s grasp. Noelle was fully prepared to take in the rest of the performance, knowing that Kris would probably be asleep again within the next couple of minutes.
But, to her surprise, she received a tap on her left shoulder just as monsters in pink and purple dresses piled onto the stage. Kris leaned over to her ear and–
“Thank you,” they whispered.
Noelle couldn’t help but smile again in response. It was funny – Kris was always preparing some kind of scary joke or prank, but she knew that was just how they had fun. They were just a kid, like herself; in the end, they’re friends, right? She felt happy that she could help, even if just once.
And, like she expected, they were barely a couple minutes into “Waltz of the Flowers” before she saw their eyes close once more. Back to routine.
Seven days. It was seven days now, since Kris had come over.
Noelle was really starting to wonder if she did something wrong. Maybe I shouldn’t have suggested a song to play after all. What was I thinking?
She was home again, by herself, in the middle of the day. Summer would be coming to a close soon, and they’d all be going back to school. Her mother was working, and her father had stepped out to run a few errands. Despite her parents’ inner fears, she was old enough to hold the fort down by now.
Noelle turned towards the TV, shifting in her spot on the sofa. It’s so boring, here alone like this. So quiet.
It was never quiet when Dess was around. She looked up at the ceiling. It seemed so tall, so far away. Like any noise she made would echo around the house endlessly.
And there was a noise – not from her, but from the door. Three short, quick, gentle knocks like always. It was Kris.
Noelle all but sprinted to the door, throwing it open with enough vigor to make Kris step back a little.
“Kris…!” She knew they would be there, standing on the other side – she knew their knock by heart. And yet, Noelle stared like she wasn’t expecting them to be there at all.
“Hi,” they responded. For whatever reason, just hearing Kris’s voice melted Noelle’s anxiety away. It won’t be quiet anymore.
Kris had come empty handed, which could only mean one thing. The two of them cut the formalities. No goofing around, no drawing or playing games, nothing. Kris went to the piano, and Noelle went to the couch. She was okay with it – happy about it, even.
Just this once… she didn’t care about what they were. If they were friends. If they still had any real connection at all.
From the sofa, Noelle had a decent view of the piano’s corner, peeking out from the dining room. Whenever Kris was playing, the piano lid would always obscure their face. Lately, it was getting harder and harder to tell what they were thinking, and this didn’t help.
But, just before Kris sat down this time, Noelle caught their eye.
What will you play? She couldn’t ask. Or rather, she felt like she didn’t need to.
Because Kris glanced back at her, pale red catching the overhead light, ever so briefly.
It was as if they replied, Don’t you already know?
She did know. Of course she knew. It was her request, after all. All the doubt, all the uncertainty she held inside had vanished the moment Kris walked through the door. For once, she could be sure.
Noelle rested her head on the couch armrest. Her hair spilled over the side; it was getting so much longer. And once the first few notes of “Waltz of the Flowers” began to drift through the air, she closed her eyes.
Is this what friends do? They barely even properly talked anymore. It was just the piano. It was all about the piano.
No, ‘friends’ didn’t feel right. It was something less, or something more, or both. It was something else, maybe.
Eyes still closed, she didn’t realize her cheeks were wet. There was no word for what the two of them exactly were. It was a feeling in her chest, a feeling she couldn’t convey. A feeling that seeped into every note Kris played, hanging in the air before bouncing off every wall.
A feeling neither of them could name, but it was there. They both felt it. And, just this once, Noelle was certain about it.
Despite her initial confidence in her own ability to keep her dress from getting dirty, Noelle was desperately trying to catch any crumbs that fell from her hand. She had her work cut out for her.
Kris was standing across from her, nibbling on their own sugar plum tart. Even though it wasn’t exactly their first choice for a dessert, they didn’t want Noelle’s father’s secretive purchase to go to waste.
“Kris, you’ve gotta try the sugar plum on it! They’re really good!”
Kris’s mouth twisted in skepticism. Honestly, Noelle could never tell if they were picky or adventurous with their tastes. Sure, they’ll try bird seed straight out of the bag, but not a piece of candy?
“Krismaaas… it tastes like chocolate, you know!”
Suddenly, an intense stare from underneath their rather overgrown bangs. They glanced down at the sugar plum wedged into the corner of their tart, giving it another once-over, before plucking it out and shoving it in their mouth.
Noelle couldn’t contain her giggle at their reaction. It was not chocolatey, unless if chocolate is meant to have a touch of sourness mixed in its flavor. Kris held the candy in their mouth for a few more moments; then, to Noelle’s horror, they let the half-chewed mass slip off their tongue and back onto the tart.
“KRIS!!!” Noelle was lucky that the lobby was still full of post-performance commotion with the way she shrieked. They were also lucky that the rest of the Dreemurrs were still waiting in line for other refreshments. And that Noelle’s mother wasn’t around to see what just happened.
“I cannot believe you just did that,” she whisper-shouted. “Gosh, that’s so gross!!” Despite her disgust, she was struggling to keep from laughing. Kris was giggling too, clearly having recovered from the unexpected taste.
“Here, you take it,” they said, shoving the half-eaten tart in her hand.
“Nooo! Oh my gosh, eww! Take it back!!” Noelle’s own tart was still falling apart in her other hand, but she had lost her appetite by now.
“If sugar plums are so good, have this one!” Kris had that big toothy grin they always wore whenever they found something particularly amusing.
“NO THANKS!!” She shoved the mess back into Kris’s hands, where a game of reverse tug-of-war was quickly ensuing. Even with the bustling monsters around them, the noise so loud they could barely hear each other's voices, it felt like their laughs were ringing out. They were bouncing off the walls, even reaching the high ceilings. Certainly, they were friends.
How could they not be, right? What Kris did was crazy! It was all just too funny. They laughed, and shoved, and gulped for air, wiping their eyes, crumbling their food in their hands. Certainly, this is what friends do.
“Noelle?”
Her eyes shot open. Kris was standing in front of her, sideways due to the angle of her head.
What time was it? “I– I–” Noelle stammered as she snapped upright, gathering her bearings. “I wasn’t sleeping, I swear, I just…!”
“It’s okay if you fall asleep.” Kris’s voice was always kind of quiet, but it was even softer than usual.
“But, but I…” Noelle really wasn’t sleeping. But how could she explain this, what she does every time? The way she closes her eyes, clears her mind, and then pictures that auditorium again.
Kris shifted a bit in their stance, hesitating. “I usually just leave if you’re sleeping, but…”
But…? Wait. No, she knew what stopped them. With a squeak, she quickly rubbed her eyes with her sleeves, clearing her cheeks, wiping it all away.
“It’s… it’s fine! I’m okay, really! It’s just… your playing was really good!” It wasn’t a lie, technically.
The line of Kris’s mouth twisted and stretched, the way it always did whenever they were unsure. They weren’t exactly the type to rush to her side while spouting comforting words. But even to them, maybe it was just too much to leave her like that.
“I– I’m really all right, Kris! Um… thank you for playing my song. Did you learn that all in just a week?”
“Yeah.”
…
It was quiet again. The certainty Noelle had been basking in before was leaking away. That was it, I guess.
But as she walked Kris to the door, they stopped and said something else.
“It was a fun song to learn.”
Without realizing, Noelle’s eyes lit up a little. “Really? I’m so glad… I always thought it’d be so cool to learn music.” Her hands were fidgeting. “Back when we were kids, I actually really wanted to try playing the violin, but Mom always said I needed to focus on school… We could have played duets together, maybe– ohh, maybe that one song for violin and orchestra by Saint-Saëns, because there is actually an arrangement for piano, or–”
Noelle cut herself off before she could get too far into her ramble, but to her surprise, Kris was wearing a small smile.
“Which Saint-Saëns song?”
“U– um…” she wracked her brain for a moment. “Introduction and Rondo… Capriccioso… I think.”
With that, Kris stepped outside. The sun was already beginning to set; the quietness of the house was replaced by the sounds of nature. “Maybe I’ll learn that one, too.”
…
That wasn’t Kris’s voice.
Whatever that was… it wasn’t Kris.
It’s like the voice wasn’t even coming from them at all. Like it was… No, there’s no word for it. Not one that Noelle could think of.
It was a nightmare. A horrible nightmare. That’s all. That’s all, right? That’s all it was.
…
She had heard it the previous day. Not the voice, but something else. Sometimes, Kris would come into the hospital and play a little. The sound would waft through the halls until they reached her and her father. It was always beautiful.
But yesterday, it was a plink. A haphazard arrangement of a few random notes. Not a song. Not played by Kris. That wasn’t their sound, their music.
And today, Kris had been standing across the hallway. They approached her. She cried out for them to stop. For it to stop.
She searched their face at the time, but it was like all their features had been removed. The red eyes that glinted in the occasional light: gone. Their mouth, how she usually could glean how Kris was feeling: stoic. Glued shut. Painted over. Held closed. A hand over it. They had no voice.
Only that thing.
And it was terrifying.
She had never in her life wished more for things to be quiet. For everything to stop. It was all too loud.
The city. The city slowly quieting. A rush of ice. The plink of the piano. The thumping and banging of someone squirming around in a dumpster. A jingle. A rush of snow. Wait, a jingle? What kind of jingle? A rush of snow. A rush of snow. A rush of snow.
So, so much white. All white…
And then it was finally quiet. Everything had stopped.
So quiet, so quiet. Finally, some quiet. She was so glad things were quiet.
It was the only thing she could feel glad about as Kris walked out of the hospital with her watch still on their wrist.