Work Text:
ROSE: Hmmm.
KANAYA: Is Everything Okay Sweetheart
ROSE: No, I’m fine. I think I’m just experiencing some sort of… impression whiplash, perhaps.
ROSE: Although I don’t know what I was expecting from a mall employed Santa.
ROSE: Maybe it’s the red shade of his coat? It does look a little bit off from a jolly red, a trademark attribution for the fat, deliriously happy man himself.
ROSE: Or maybe it’s the obvious cheap beard that appears as if it was molested out of the cold hands of a decade-old corpse that was dearly attached to his whiskers.
ROSE: I don’t know, what do you think, Kanaya?
KANAYA: What
ROSE: Don’t you think this mall Santa looks a bit too cheap?
KANAYA: Oh Uhm
KANAYA: I Dont Know I Suppose He Could Have Donned A More
KANAYA: Suitably Brighter In Shade Ensemble
KANAYA: But The Depiction That I Was Raised With Of A Joyful Fat And Flush Cheeked Elderly Man That Was More Than Encouraged To Enter Hives Without Ones Lusus Permission
KANAYA: Was Vastly Different From Your Human Sufferer
KANAYA: I Mean Santa Claus
KANAYA: Maybe This Is Just Uniquely Earth Cs Version
ROSE: Well, no, original Earth had its own fair share of cheaply made mall Santas that were possibly just hired vagabonds that were loitering in the mall’s parking lot.
ROSE: But christ, Kanaya, we’re Gods! This is just ridiculous.
ROSE: Almost as ridiculous as that Easter photoshoot with the unmistakably creepy bunny costume we had Lilith partake in.
ROSE: God. I’m starting to think we might be bad parents.
KANAYA: Wait Hold On A Moment
KANAYA: I Need To Record This Its Lilys Turn
MALL SANTA: Hoo hoo! And what do you want for Kringlemas, little girl? Hoo hoo!
LILITH: …
LILITH: A Real Santa maybe