Chapter Text
I stopped believing in god long ago, although thinking about what happens after death still tortures me when I think of her, and of you, but sometimes I pray out of habit, to no one in particular, but I pray for you.
I come here as soon as I wake up, sometimes I feel out of my mind, I wake up in a hurry when I remember that you won't be in the next room preening in front of the mirror and I go out without wasting time to watch your sleep. Gabrielle is here. She arrives before me, thanks to the power you gave her, she nods at me in greeting, she looks at you from afar. Sometimes she puts her hand on my shoulder, pats me wordlessly, and leaves around dawn.
Others have come, strangers, they come to see the brat prince, the legendary vampire Lestat, the rockstar, the former consort of the late Queen of the Damned; and the ancients too, Marius, your mentor, is the most assiduous to prowl around here, he has talked to me on some occasions. I don't remember his words, I can't look at him because now more than ever I think he looks like you.
David, the brother you gave me, has settled right here to keep you close, to protect you, he talks to me while I brush the dust out of your hair. He asks me to go hunting, he offers me his blood and I reject him as always, because I hadn't been as grateful for the opportunity to end it all as I am now.
Armand is gone, his auburn curls burned, his beautiful face, his tender lips, all gone. My beloved confidant lost forever, his strength that was once mine in my dark moments can no longer lift me up and every day I sink deeper into darkness.
I can't stand the sight of others, not even David's, because although I love him I can't help thinking that you pushed me aside for him, that perhaps you made him to punish me, to take revenge on me; then I remember that you already loved him, before, when you offered me to live together in the old flat, where now there are only ghosts and emptiness, the gateway to hell where every day another part of my life is consumed because I feel that I will see her hiding in a corner.
I always dream about you. I don’t feel well. You know those dreams, surely you have them too. I have never felt so alone.
Wake up now, Lestat. Come back to me, let me hear your voice, we both know that no one can beat you. Dreams are the only thing I have and your body like a corpse that lies motionless, empty. Open your eyes. Never leave me.