Work Text:
Can't change the weather, might not be forever
But if it's forever, it's even better
I don't know what I'm crying for,
I don't think I could love you more
Birds of a Feather - Billie Eilish
It’s as simple as a three second moment in their choreography.
With Seungcheol being cleared to dance their simpler songs and moments within songs, there’s a lot of catching up to do, a lot of things to remember and adjust to prevent himself from straining his nearly recovered injury. He worked hard to get to this moment, spent countless hours, days, weeks gritting his teeth and fighting tears through physical therapy and doctors visits. More often than not, he was fine, managing in his own ways, writing in his journal to track his progress and try not to mope about all the schedules he had to miss out on.
In the midst of all that, like a rope tossed in crashing waves to keep him from sinking, was Jeonghan. Then and now, always at the doorstep of his apartment when he had the time or always a phone call or text away when they were travelling. He had been the first person at Seungcheol’s side when he landed from the jump that had caused all of this, had been the first person to ask if he was okay, the first person to hear Seungcheol’s choked: I think something’s wrong.
So, it’s not a surprise that he’s hovering as Soonyoung is carefully guiding Seungcheol, making sure he’s getting all the small details in his part. Seungcheol fumbles for a split second, having met Jeonghan’s eyes in the mirror, giddiness getting the best of him because, ah. It’s nice to be on the receiving end of Jeonghan’s subtle affection.
As if on instinct, Jeonghan is stepping into his space, catching him by the elbow with eyebrows knitted in concern. Their faces are close as he asks, “Careful. Are you okay?”
Seungcheol nods with a smile that he knows is probably a bit lovesick. He can’t be blamed—his heart has been so full recently between this and finally getting back to do what he loves. “I’m fine, just stumbled a bit.”
Jeonghan’s expression softens when he realizes that Seungcheol is truly fine. Then, he lets out a dramatic noise. “Yah! You get cleared and you think you can start being reckless again? Really?”
“You wouldn’t have worried if you weren’t hovering, hyung,” Soonyoung bluntly points out, arms crossed impatiently.
A blush tints Jeonghan’s cheeks, seemingly realizing he isn’t as subtle as he likes to think he is. “What? No, I wasn’t hovering, I was just watching—”
“Ah, it’s fine,” Soonyoung says with a wave. “We need you and Chan for this next part anyway.”
Jeonghan nods obediently as Soonyoung goes to collect the youngest member and Seungcheol snorts, making him scowl. “What’s so funny, huh? You like embarrassing me?”
“I didn’t embarrass you, you did that to yourself,” Seungcheol says and Jeonghan squawks, swinging his hand and lightly hitting the space between Seungcheol’s pectorals. “Why are you hitting me? It’s true! You’re hovering!”
“I’m sorry for caring about you,” Jeonghan retorts pettily, squirming as Seungcheol tries to wrap him in a hug. There’s a smile fighting its way onto his lips, Seungcheol can see it even as he turns his head. “I don’t want your affection right now, you betrayed me.”
“You betrayed yourself,” Seungcheol argues, not caring if it makes sense or not. It makes Jeonghan laugh and that’s good enough. It doesn’t take long for Jeonghan to stop trying to break free. Instead of doing something logical like hugging his boyfriend back, he goes completely limp, forcing Seungcheol to catch him before he hits the floor. “Really?” Seungcheol laughs and Jeonghan smiles sweetly at him.
“Ew,” Chan says loudly, breaking the bubble they’ve found themselves in. “Aren’t you both tired of… of that?”
Jeonghan stands up straighter, creating some space between him and Seungcheol. “You see, Dino-yah, when two people love each other very much, they decide that the best way to show that is—”
“No!” Chan says loudly, covering his ears and shaking his head like a petulant child when Soonyoung tries to pry them off. “I was kidding, you don’t have to be gross!”
“Why would I do such a thing?” Jeonghan asks with an innocent tilt of his head, but the way the corner of his mouth is starting to curve up tells Seungcheol that he knows what he’s doing. God, he’s in love.
“Can we please get this going,” Soonyoung says with a big sigh. He looks at Seungcheol desperately. “Control your members, we still have an hour of rehearsal left and more songs to get through.”
Unfortunately, Soonyoung is right. They run through the thirty seconds leading up to the part Seungcheol has only ever practiced by himself. It’s a bit easier with Chan and Jeonghan actually in the picture, it doesn’t feel so awkward interacting with empty spaces when they’re filled as intended. When he gets to the part where he’s meant to mimic a drum bass on Jeonghan’s extended hands, he looks down at Jeonghan’s knelt position and is met with Jeonghan pressing his lips together, a smile threatening to split his mouth.
Seungcheol lags, causing Soonyoung to whine. “Sorry,” Seungcheol apologizes. “It’s—did I mess up?”
“Well, you stopped,” Soonyoung deadpans. “So, yes.”
“No, Jeonghan laughed at me,” Seungcheol explains, feeling a little ridiculous for making a big deal out of it. “I just want to make sure I’m not doing anything wrong.”
Soonyoung snaps his head to look at Jeonghan and Jeonghan, at the very least looks bashful, his hand coming up to push his black hair out of his face. It’s starting to get longer. Seungcheol tries not to get distracted. “No, no, sorry. I was just—I was just thinking of something—ah, it’s stupid. Sorry.”
Seungcheol waits for Jeonghan to clarify, but he seems pretty set on moving past it. Not only that, but it’s obvious that Soonyoung’s patience is starting to run thin. “Okay,” he says. “Just don’t make fun of me.”
“Well,” Jeonghan says with a smile, reaching out to pinch Seungcheol’s cheek teasingly. “Where’s the fun in that, Coups-ah?”
♡
There’s three days until their concert in Incheon. Seungcheol, above everything else, is excited to get back on stage and show that he’s been working hard like he’s been promising throughout these months. The nerves are still there—he doesn’t think those will ever really go away. But he pushes them to the back of his mind the best that he can and enjoys the free night they have.
It’s late and he and Jeonghan are tucked in the corner of a restaurant they’ve been frequenting lately. They have a great privacy policy and it’s located right between both of their apartments, making it easy to meet up. Seungcheol looks at Jeonghan over the brim of his beer glass, watching curiously as his hands work quickly beneath the table, holding something unknown. Seungcheol doesn’t ask about it, knows that that’s the easiest way to have Jeonghan discard something and never mention it again.
Though, it’s better than it used to be. There used to be a time, before Seungcheol’s hiatus in 2020 where even looking at Jeonghan would make him build his walls higher. Their relationship then had been odd, not only to those around them but to themselves as well. There was no label for two friends who would kiss behind closed doors with roaming hands and heavy breaths. There were no words to describe the heaviness that came with the light feeling of falling in love, of wondering who would be the first to break it off or make it something.
That’s the past, though. Seungcheol doesn’t dwell on it anymore.
After a few minutes, Jeonghan finishes his task, bottom lip jutting out in concentration as he looks down at his lap, seemingly turning the object over. He says nothing as he brings one hand on the table, palm facing up, fingers wiggling. Seungcheol gets the hint and slides his left hand into Jeonghan’s, grinning in amusement as he does so. He stays quiet, unwilling to jeopardize whatever is happening.
Then, Jeonghan is using his free hand to maneuver a small piece of paper onto Seungcheol’s ring finger. It’s too small, getting caught at his knuckle and splitting the slightest bit. Jeonghan frowns.
“What’s this?” Seungcheol finally asks, bringing his hand to his face, almost going cross eyed as he observes the creation. He can make out a heart shape, but that’s about it.
“Paper ring,” Jeonghan says after a beat. When Seungcheol looks at him, he’s stuffing cold meat into his mouth, eyes trained on a plate instead of at Seungcheol. “My sister used to make them when she was younger and refused to teach me how to make them, so I learned by myself.”
“Ah,” Seungcheol nods. “Thanks for sharing. I’ll cherish it.”
“You’ll need a bigger one,” Jeonghan says suddenly. Finally, his eyes meet Seungcheol’s and he coughs. “You wanna share a cigarette?”
Seungcheol shrugs, thumb turning the paper ring around his finger. “Sure.”
♡
Seungcheol’s knee aches after running through the first half of the setlist.
He sits on the stairs leading off the stage and into the walkway between the barricade, rubbing at the thick scar that taunts him every time he so much as breathes wrong. It’s not incredibly painful, but it’s enough to bring him to the brink of annoyance. He presses his lips together in frustration, scrunching his nose as he digs a knuckle into the scar, the pressure making the skin around it go white.
A hand wraps around his wrist and he snaps his head up bashfully to find Jeonghan looking down at him with a pretty and bare face and a raised eyebrow. “That’s not gonna help you.”
“It’ll do something,” Seungcheol mumbles. Jeonghan squeezes his wrist before dropping it and sitting in the small space next to him. “How’s your ankle?”
“It doesn’t bother me if I don’t think about it,” Jeonghan says. “So, don’t ask.”
“Sorry,” Seungcheol chuckles. It’s sort of funny—the two eldest members sitting down between stages to tend to their aching bodies. Joshua is probably having a field day. It must be nice to officially be the most fit member of the ninety-five liners. “We have no one to blame but ourselves.”
“Ugh, we’re not having a pity party,” Jeonghan groans, tilting his head back and pushing his hair away from his face. He squints against the sun before dropping his head on Seungcheol’s shoulder, mouth pressed to the cotton fabric of the t-shirt as he speaks. “But if we did, can it be at my place?”
Seungcheol turns his head to kiss at Jeonghan’s temple. “I’ll bring the beer.”
“And that’s why I love you.”
“Huh,” Seungcheol says, looking out into the empty seats of the stadium that will be filled in the next few days. Jeonghan reaches over to hold his hand, thumb rubbing over the skin of Seungcheol’s fourth finger. “I thought it’s because of my sexy body.”
There’s a silence. “Yeah, that too.”
“Yah!” Seungkwan calls from across the stage. They both turn to look over their shoulder, less than surprised to find the members waiting on them. “We love that you’re in love but we have a schedule to stick to! Aish, these hyungs—when did I turn into the nagger?”
Chan furrows his eyebrows. “You’ve always been the nagger.”
Jeonghan sighs as Seungkwan lurches forward to kick at Chan’s legs. He pats Seungcheol’s thigh twice. “Let’s calm the children.”
Seungcheol catches his hand and presses a kiss to the edge of his palm, returning the smile Jeonghan sends him.
By the time they get to God of Music, he begins to wonder if his stamina is still what it used to be. However, he’s determined to push through, focusing on getting the steps right leading up to his and Vernon’s part. It goes well up until he makes eye contact with Jeonghan kneeling on the ground, the same, stupid and barely hidden grin on his lips that he’s trying his hardest to suppress. He can’t help but laugh a bit—it’s ridiculous, really. But he makes it through without fumbling or messing anything up.
As promised, Seungcheol goes home with Jeonghan, piling into his manager’s SUV with exhaustion crawling on their skin. Jeonghan is scrolling through his phone, the white light illuminating his face in the darkness of the vehicle. As if sensing Seungcheol’s stare, his thumb stills against the screen, eyes flickering to the side.
“Can I help you?”
“What, I can’t look at you?”
“Well, you haven’t said I’m pretty, so I know you’re staring because you want to say something and not because you’re looking just to look.”
Sometimes, it’s embarrassing how well Jeonghan knows him. “You’re pretty, baby.”
“Ha,” Jeonghan laughs dryly, pocketing his phone and resting his head back to properly look at Seungcheol. He does look pretty, especially like this. Lazy body, jostling with every movement the SUV makes, his eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks as he blinks. “What’s on your mind, Cheollie?”
“Nothing,” Seungcheol says quickly before deciding it’s best to just tell the truth. “You did it again.”
Jeonghan’s face contorts with confusion. “Did what?”
“You were… You were laughing at me during God of Music.”
“Laughing…?” Jeonghan blinks, turning his head forward in thought, brown eyes flickering up, down, left, right as he thinks. “I wasn’t—oh. Oh. No, baby—no. I wasn’t laughing, I was just… I was just smiling.”
Seungcheol frowns. He can tell that while this may be the truth, it isn’t the full truth. “Yah, Yoon Jeonghan. Just tell me what keeps making you smile, then. I wanna know!”
“It’s stupid,” Jeonghan says just like he did the last time this happened. “I promise, it’s really, honestly dumb.”
“Hannie—”
Jeonghan kisses him. It’s quick, lips pressing to Seungcheol’s for less than a second with a soft sound. Their noses brush as he leans back slightly. “Don’t worry about it, Coups-ah.”
Seungcheol rolls his eyes, but decides to drop it in favor of kissing Jeonghan again.
♡
All thirteen of them have dinner together the night before the concert. The conversation shifts often, mostly everyone under the influence of soju and beer. Soonyoung is crying on Mingyu’s shoulder and Junhui is falling asleep as Seungkwan starts to sing a song that most definitely has nothing to do with what they were just talking about.
“Ah, Coups-hyung,” Soonyoung chokes out through a sob. Minghao stifles a laugh and hands Mingyu a napkin to wipe his face with. “I’m just—it’s so nice having you back, hyung. I was—I was scared we wouldn’t p-perform as thirteen again—”
“He didn’t die,” Jihoon says unhelpfully only to be hushed by both Seokmin and Seungkwan.
“I wasn’t saying he was dead!” Soonyoung yells in sudden anger that turns into another sob. This time, Minghao does laugh. Wonwoo holds up a horanghae that Soonyoung automatically returns through his emotional state. “I–I was trying to say that–I wanted us to have more performances before–before the enlistments start,” he clarifies. Seungcheol feels Jeonghan tense up beside him. “And I didn’t think we—we’d get the chance but here we are and—ah.” He starts crying harder and Mingyu holds onto him tighter, expression becoming more and more concerned by the second.
“Let’s have many more concerts together,” Seungcheol says, raising his beer. “Until we’re old and we can’t walk.”
“You already can’t walk,” Chan says, only to be booed immediately after.
♡
This time, it’s Jeonghan going home with Seungcheol. He’s quiet the entire ride back to the apartment, his hand holding onto Seungcheol’s like a lifeline. They get ready for bed together in Seungcheol’s bathroom, grateful that his brother is spending the week at his girlfriend’s and gifting them some solitude, even if it’s only for one night.
When they’re done brushing their teeth, Jeonghan catches Seungcheol’s wrist. “I don’t wanna sleep yet,” he says and Seungcheol nods.
“Okay,” he answers easily.
They stay up watching a movie from one of Vernon’s long list of recommendations. Seungcheol tries to ignore the way Jeonghan can’t seem to keep still, his hands fidgeting, body shifting every few seconds like he can’t seem to get comfortable. Finally, he settles for a hand in Seungcheol’s hair, twisting through the freshly dyed, red strands.
Seungcheol is patient, and in reward, Jeonghan speaks first. “Sorry,” he starts, continuing before Seungcheol can tell him he has nothing to be sorry about. “It’s just—ah. Soonyoung mentioned enlistment. It’s—I don’t know. I always kept telling myself that I had time but it’s… Time is passing so fast.”
Oh. Seungcheol hadn’t really thought about it, especially about Jeonghan enlisting. They’ve always stuck together, where he goes, Jeonghan goes and vice versa. He had gotten the news that he would be exempt from mandatory service recently, but he hadn’t thought about what that meant for Jeonghan. “It’s only March,” he tries. “We’ve got the whole rest of the year, Hannie—”
“It’s gonna go by so fast and—ah, I don’t know. I just always thought we’d, you know… Suffer together.”
Seungcheol huffs out a laugh. “Romantic.”
“Shut up,” Jeonghan chuckles. “You know what I mean. It’s gonna be weird, that’s all. I’m gonna miss you.”
Seungcheol exhales. “Let’s not think about that right now.”
“We can run away,” Jeonghan barrels on, staring at the television now. “And change our names. I’ll be the felon but we’ll both change our names—we'll have to pick a family name that suits us both and that’ll fit on a doormat like in these stupid western movies—”
Seungcheol tilts his head, hair accidentally getting pulled in the process. “We’d have the same family name?”
“Family name, last name. whatever. We’d probably have to move out of the country.”
“Are we, like… Brothers in this scenario?”
Jeonghan’s hand stills in Seungcheol’s hair, the strands falling from his fingers. “Oh. No, we’re… We’re still… We’re,” he gestures between the two of them awkwardly. “This.”
Seungcheol raises an eyebrow at him. “This? Aren’t we four years past you being scared to call me your boyfriend?”
“No— yes—it’s—ack.” Jeonghan groans, throwing his head back, fists rubbing at his eyes. “This is stupid.”
“You keep saying that but I don’t know what this is.”
Jeonghan swallows, eyes still covered by his hands. “God of Music,” he says unhelpfully. “The choreography. I’m not laughing at you.”
Seungcheol blinks, more confused than he had been before. “I know, we cleared this up, Jeonghan. What’s going on—?”
“I’m smiling because—it’s—” He groans again and then sits up, adjusting his body to face Seungcheol, his knees touching the outside of Seungcheol’s thigh. “I’m down on one knee during it.”
A stretch of silence surrounds them and Seungcheol tilts his chin down slowly, waiting for Jeonghan to explain. “I… I don’t get it. Like, an innuendo?”
“No, get your mind out of the gutter,” Jeonghan scolds with a pout that makes him look cuter than it should. “It’s like… I don’t know… Doesn’t it sort of feel like… Like I’m proposing?”
Seungcheol stops and thinks. He had never really thought of it like that, too focused on making sure he gave the choreography his all to prove that his rehabilitation was worth it. “I hadn’t really noticed, Hannie.”
“See, I told you it was stupid,” Jeonghan grumbles, starting to get up.
“Wait, Jeonghan,” Seungcheol says quickly. He stumbles up, following Jeonghan into the bedroom. “Hey, slow down—”
“It’s fine, I’m just… I’m in my head right now,” Jeonghan says, untucking the comforter, avoiding Seungcheol’s gaze. “We have to be up early anyway—”
“Stop,” Seungcheol says softly, turning Jeonghan to face him. “This seems important to you.”
Jeonghan blinks. “It’s not.”
“Jeonghan.”
“Seungcheol,” Jeonghan says back. “It’s—I know it’s a lot and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable so I think it’s best if we dropped it.”
“Who said it’d make me uncomfortable?” Seungcheol asks and Jeonghan finally shuts up and meets his eyes. “I hadn’t thought about it because I’ve had a lot on my mind and I’ve been trying to make sure I get everything on stage right, but you… You’ve been thinking about it, right?”
Jeonghan shrugs, his shoulder touching his chin as he does so. “It’s hard not to.”
A smile starts to bloom on Seungcheol’s face. He presses their foreheads together, their noses brushing in the process. “You think about marrying me?”
Jeonghan exhales shakingly, lips twitching into a smile. “All the time.”
Seungcheol kisses him until they’re both pink and breathless. “What are you waiting for, then? Aren’t you gonna ask me?”
He isn’t expecting Jeonghan to look so offended.
“Right now?” He gasps, pulling away. “No! No, I don’t even have a ring—I don’t even know your ring size. That stupid paper ring didn’t even fit you. How am I supposed to propose right now? In my pajamas? No, no. If I’m gonna do it, I’m doing it right. Do you think I’m an idiot?”
“No! No, sorry,” Seungcheol says quickly, holding back his laughter. “I got ahead of myself.”
Jeonghan grumbles and kisses his cheek. “Be patient. Give it, like. Two years.”
“Wait— two years?”
“You want me to propose the same year I’m enlisting? Like some deadbeat?” Jeonghan scoffs, crossing his arms. “Wow, you really haven’t thought about it.”
“Well, I’m thinking about it now.”
Jeonghan pats his cheek twice. “Be patient, baby.”
Patience.
This time, it’s Seungcheol groaning.
♡
After months of hoping and praying that he can perform with his members again, Seungcheol finds himself onstage, the lights warm on his face, the screaming loud in his ears. It’s second nature, he was born to do this. They were all born to do this.
God of Music comes quickly, and Seungcheol isn’t so focused on the technicality of it all this time. Instead, he lets himself enjoy the energy, the laughter and fun that comes with performing again.
He moves into place for his part, looks down and finds Jeonghan already smiling at him. He can’t help but laugh, a giddiness rising up his chest.
It’s as simple as a three second moment in their choreography.
But it feels like a promise to Seungcheol.