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It takes weeks for Hasan to convince Austin to move in with him.
If he’s being honest, he didn’t take it so seriously the first time Hasan brought it up. He assumed it must have been a joke. Hasan said it while on stream, of all times. And then later brought it up again on the podcast. He turned to the other two hosts saying “Austin said he would never move in with me”, which took Austin aback because woah, he never said that? He didn’t say “never”. Will and QT’s reactions were ones of resignation, with only mild shock from Will who didn’t know this conversation was even happening. QT didn’t know either but she didn’t even look surprised. The conversation then devolved into banter and Austin thought that’d be the end of it, but later that week, Hasan said it again.
Basically, every time the topic of Austin moving to LA has come up, Hasan has found a way to turn the conversation to enumerating all the reasons it would be more convenient for Austin to just give up on finding the perfect house - which “is taking forever” because Austin is being “prissy” and “too picky” and “stalling” - and just move into Hasan’s home, since Austin “likes it so much” - according to Hasan - and he’s “always there anyway”. All Hasan’s words.
If Austin is being even more honest, the thought of living under the same roof - permanently, not just staying over for a few days - kind of scared him at first. He’s still nervous even though it’s too late to change his mind, but he’s come to terms with his decision by now.
Sure, move in with your straight crush. What could go wrong?
The thing is that Hasan is right, it is convenient. For one, Austin doesn’t need to fly back and forth all the time, which is saving him time, money and energy. He can roll out of bed, get dressed and be on the podcast. It’s also convenient to have Hasan close, so they can hang out more often - more like all the time - not to mention how convenient it is to share a home with someone so helpful and caring. No matter what sort of trouble Austin is having, Hasan is always there to help him find a solution.
It’s been quite nice, frankly. The only issue has been getting their pets to get along. The cats didn’t love being transplanted into a different environment, and they didn’t love a huge dog in their space either. It took them a while to adjust to Kaya’s presence. Kaya has been extremely chill about the whole thing. She was curious if shy at first, and once she understood that Austin’s cats are family members she relaxed. The only thing is she gets a little jealous because now there’s three of them competing for a spot on Austin’s lap, but it’s amusing more than actually bothersome. Hasan has been giving her extra cuddles to make up for it.
Moving to LA was a good decision overall, just like he expected. Austin gets to connect with a lot more people which gives him more opportunities both job-wise and just socially. And now he spends even more time not just with Hasan but, by extension, with his family. He got to know Murat and his fiance a little better after moving here. And Hasan’s parents are so welcoming, they seem elated to have Austin here in a stable fashion. Especially Hasan’s mom. She’s always been so warm towards Austin. She’s such a sweet lady. Austin adores her.
Of course, he doesn’t just pay rent - Hasan argued, but Austin insisted - he chips in for bills, foods, and everything. He tries to get away with only contributing financially, offering to pay for a cleaning service, but Hasan pokes fun at him for not knowing how to do basic chores. So, even though Austin is still not great at it, he tries. He doesn’t mind too much, though. Less than he expected.
When he complains he ran out of things to wear, first thing first Hasan once again mocks him. “It’s ‘cos you’ve been putting off doing the laundry as usual, lazy ass motherfucker.” But then he takes him shopping. While they are out, he offers to buy him lunch. Austin tries to decline, but Hasan insists. It’s supposedly that Turkish hospitality Austin got accustomed to, but he quietly thinks that shouldn’t apply to him anymore. He’s no longer a guest, he lives here now. Hasan really doesn’t have to do this, but Austin can tell it makes his friend happy, so he doesn’t protest too much.
He starts to feel pampered in a way he never did before. This is technically nothing new, but it feels different. It’s hard to explain the reason, though. Maybe it’s because after all of this he gets to go home with Hasan and unwind together, which they rarely got to do before. Austin used to often be in a rush to catch the next plane, or simply too busy, since he’d only be in LA for a few days. He’d cram as many things into that short span of time as possible. Now, more than once he ends up dozing off on the couch with Hasan. It’s so rare for him to be able to relax like this. It’s surprisingly cozy, even inadvertently leaning on Hasan and resting his head on his shoulder. The only problem with this is how often he wakes up due to Kaya wanting to be in both of their laps, ending up blocking circulation to Austin’s legs with her weight. She still thinks she’s a lap dog, she doesn’t understand how big she’s gotten, but she’s so sweet it’s impossible to stay mad at her.
When he wakes up in such circumstances, he usually finds a few things he’s grown to expect: the cats sitting across the room staring and judging, and Hasan’s arm around him, keeping him close.
He knows it means nothing but it still makes him feel things. It’s not helped by the fact that physical contact happens way more often now, just in general. He complained before about Hasan not hugging him enough and it feels like Hasan listened because he seems to like hugging Austin, a lot more than he ever did before. Or at least he’s doing it more often. And Hasan’s hugs are the best. Look, Austin gets a little insecure about his height sometimes, but he will admit this: it’s good for hugging someone so tall. He slots perfectly under Hasan’s chin, he gets to rest his face on his wide chest. It’s so nice.
Speaking of which, Hasan has learned to recognize when Austin is feeling insecure. He might not be the best in social situations but he knows Austin well. So when that happens, he’ll throw a teasing “short king” at him and say that there’s nothing wrong with being “pocket sized”. When Austin tries to argue that he’s not short, he just looks short next to Hasan, Hasan grins.
“Sure. Keep telling yourself that.” He says, then he adds, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But being short isn’t all there is to attractiveness. Like, dude, plenty of attractive men are short. You’re hot as hell, so who cares? Twinks are throwing themselves at your feet.”
Austin shouldn’t blush at the compliment but he does. He tries to play it off with a laugh. “Twinks aren’t ‘throwing themselves at my feet’.”
“They are. And it’s not just twinks either, bro. Everybody wants a piece. I barely get a moment with you, you’re in such high demand! Goddamn.” Hasan chuckles. “Also, you just happen to be the perfect size for hugs.”
Austin is a little stunned by that. It’s almost like Hasan read his mind. “That’s only if I’m being hugged by a giant like you.”
Hasan shrugs. “Yeah, maybe you’re the perfect size for me to hug. You’re also surprisingly easy to pick up, and fit well in my lap.”
Those words kind of break Austin’s brain a little. He stares for a second with a faint smile on his lips before letting it widen and averting his eyes for a second. Hasan makes him feel like a schoolgirl or something. It’s frankly embarrassing. But it’s not Austin’s fault, though. What else can he do when Hasan says shit like that? Doesn’t that sound romantically charged? Or is Austin losing his mind?
“I kinda do, yeah. I do fit in your lap.” Austin admits after nervously chewing on his lip for a moment. “I haven’t done that in a long time, though.”
“You wanna?”
What the fuck is he supposed to say? Of course he wants to.
“Hey. I didn’t say I want to, okay?”
“You sure? ‘Cause that’s an easy fix.”
Austin stares at Hasan for a long while, squinting at him a little. He doesn’t get what game Hasan is playing. He kinda sounds like he’s joking, and he probably is, but… what if he wasn’t?
“Well, realistically, if you wanted me in your lap I probably couldn’t do much to stop you.”
That feels like a safe enough response, until he sees Hasan raise an eyebrow and stifle a surprised laugh.
“What’s this weird fantasy now? You want to be ravished or somethin’? The fuck do you mean you ‘couldn’t stop me’?” He snorts. “That’s the most bottom shit you’ve ever said, it’s not even a joke.”
“No, yeah, of course I would put up a fight but like-”
“Is fighting back part of the fantasy? Bro, I didn’t consent to this.” Hasan lets himself go and laughs freely.
“It’s not a fantasy! I’m just saying- look, we’ve worked out together, I know how much you can lift, so. Just being realistic here.”
Hasan shakes his head fondly and bumps their shoulders together.
“And you still maintain I’m not your type?” He adds a little quietly after a brief silence.
“You’re not. You know the type of guy I-”
“Yeah, street twinks.”
“Stop.” Austin rolls his eyes but he can’t help but chuckle a bit. “My god. You are impossible.”
As they talk they’ve moved into the room Hasan uses to stream. He sits down and starts setting things up. Austin hangs out for a couple minutes, then starts to leave when Hasan is about to go live.
“You wanna be on stream?” Hasan suddenly asks.
“Uh, yeah. Why not? Maybe later, though, if that's okay?”
“Sure. No problem.”
Austin smiles and walks out of the room. He isn’t even busy, he just needs a moment to collect himself after that. Sometimes it really feels like Hasan is coming onto him, but there’s no way, right? So he knows he shouldn’t let it go to his head, but he still can’t help himself. He can’t avoid getting caught up in the what-if’s.
Later - once he’s gone back into the room, he’s been welcomed onto the stream, and said hello to the chat - he’s sitting a little out of frame, checking his phone after getting a text. He’s distracted, partially focused on typing, partially listening to Hasan’s voice, so he doesn’t notice one of his cats walking in. Not until he hears Hasan say, “Yeah, that’s Austin’s cat.”
Austin’s head swivels and he finds Bumper has climbed on Hasan’s lap and is now headbutting him, trying to get some head pats. He’s succeeding, Hasan is petting him while looking at chat. He is smiling and briefly turns his attention to the cat. “No, he’s chill. He’s a sweetie.” He answers a question, bending down to place a kiss on Bumper’s head.
Austin watches in awe for a while, feeling this indescribable fondness spread in his chest. His cats are still wary of Kaya but they accepted Hasan pretty quickly. He didn’t expect it, but it’s not such a surprise. Hasan is so sweet with them - and he feeds them - of course they love him. So Austin is just watching the scene with this unintentionally lovestruck look on his face - which is barely in frame, but enough for people to notice and comment on it.
“‘Why is Austin’s cat at your house, y’all are not beating the living together allegations’.” Hasan reads off the screen. “It’s not allegations, we do live together. I’ve been talking about this for weeks, it’s not like it’s a conspiracy or something.”
As he talks, Bumper steps all over his crotch trying to get comfortable, wanting to lie down.
“Bumper, come on.” Austin comments, reaching over to pick him up. Surely Hasan doesn’t want the distraction.
“No, let him stay.” He says instead, surprising Austin.
“Are you sure? He’s clingy.”
“Takes after his owner, I guess.” Hasan throws him a quick look.
Austin frowns. “I’m not clingy. Don’t start another rumor!”
Hasan’s eyes are on the screen. He doesn’t bother to look at him this time, but he makes a face.
“Psssh, okay.”
“What? I’m not. When have I proven myself to be clingy?”
“Bro, are you for real?”
It clicks that Hasan is talking about Austin snuggling up to him on the couch - which, since Hasan doesn’t usually refuse him, has become a common occurrence.
“With you? Wait, with you ?”
Hasan raises his eyebrows and turns to face him again. “You’re not only clingy as fuck, you’re probably jealous of your own goddamn cat right now. You were saying- just before this, he was saying he wanted to sit in my lap.” He says, addressing the chat.
Austin should be used to this. Being put on blast in front of Hasan’s entire audience. And in some ways he is, but he still gets flustered.
“Hang on. Hang on. That’s not what happened. I didn’t say-”
“Dude-”
“No, I didn’t- You are the one who said it first! Chat, don’t believe a word he says. This man is a liar!”
Hasan is gently petting Bumper as he turns to look at the screen, shaking his head. “You were making up this elaborate fantasy where I would like grab you and you couldn’t resist me and shit. It was insane! ‘Of course a cat appearing derailed the whole conversation’, we are gonna get back on topic in a minute, but first let’s address this.”
Austin shakes his head. “Sorry, chat.”
“Don’t apologize like you don’t love the attention. You’re a whore, look at you. You’re beaming.”
Austin tries to stop smiling. He hadn’t even realized he was.
“You are making it sound like I said I want you to-” he pauses, thinking of how to put this. “ Force yourself on me , or something. I didn’t say any of that. Now you’re taking my words out of context. I didn’t say that. I just said- I said realistically if you were to hold me down–” He belatedly registers how that sounded. “Wait, wait, wait! No, not like that, that came out wrong! Like if you put me in your lap and-”
Hasan is smiling back. He looks so amused. He’s still petting Bumper, when suddenly the cat gets annoyed and turns his head to try to bite the hand touching him.
“Ow! Hey!”
“Leave him be, he just wants to sleep in your lap, he doesn’t want to be pet anymore. Just let him be.”
“Cats, man. What the hell? Look at him, he’s still chilling. You just bit me, you little shit. Why are you squinting at me?”
“It’s a sign he loves you. Slow blinking is like cat kisses.”
Hasan looks at the cat in his lap. Bumper’s tail is still swinging but it’s slowing down, and his pupils are getting smaller again as he looks up at Hasan’s face, purring so loud Austin can hear it from his seat.
“Biting me then kissing me. That’s kinky, lil guy.”
Austin snickers. “Like you’re not into that.”
Hasan tosses a look at him over his glasses. “When you say it like that, it sounds like you know that from personal experience.” He snorts. “And you’re telling me not to start rumors? Okay.” He turns his head to the screen. “Alright, guys. Let’s watch this video before someone derails us again.”
“Me? You started!” Austin whines.
He sees him try to contain a smile - trying to look serious and focus - and fail. He’s keeping his lips in check but his eyes are smiling, there’s an amused twinkle in them. Austin smiles too, he can’t help it.
He knows this topic will come up again, he’s under no illusion of being off the hook. But he finds he doesn’t mind it too much. He knows Hasan isn’t really flirting with him, but it feels good regardless to be teased like this. He knows people are gonna get the wrong idea, and he finds that amusing. At least he feels less insane - he’s not the only one seeing this shit.
Speaking of moments that make Austin feel insane, another one happens the following week.
Murat and his fiance have invited Hasan out for dinner, and Hasan’s response was “Alright, we’ll be there.” We . Him and Austin. Austin was in the room when Murat expressed the invite. He didn’t even mention Austin. He asked, “So you’re free this Friday, right?” and Hasan acted like it was a given that they’d go together.
So now here they are, sitting at this table with delicious food in front of them. They eat, they drink a bit, they talk. They are having a good time. Austin is glad he’s getting closer to Murat. It’s not like they weren’t friends before, at least Austin likes to think they already were, but they talk more since Austin moved in with Hasan.
During dinner, Austin spills some food over himself at one point, cursing quietly and complaining about staining his shirt. Hasan shakes his head.
“How are you such a messy eater? What are you, a baby?”
“I’m not that messy, it was an accident.” Austin defends himself. He’s embarrassed more than anything. It’s true that accidents happen, but goddammit.
Hasan takes his napkin and reaches to wipe Austin’s face. He’s just joking, Austin’s face isn’t even dirty - he’s not that messy, okay? - so Austin tries to shove his hand away, but the other persists with barely concealed amusement.
“Stay still, damn! I’m trying to help.”
“I’m just eating normally, I don’t know what you want from me.” Austin tries to say firmly but he fails, giggling instead.
He glances across the table. He’s deeply aware of the other two watching. He and Hasan act like this all the time, in front of thousands of people even, but something about it being Hasan’s family gives him pause.
“I always have to do everything for you. Like earlier, when you couldn’t decide if you wanted to finish your latte or not so I had to carry it around for you like I’m your servant.” Hasan says, “And that was after I had to shake it for you because you couldn’t be bothered to mix it yourself so you were complaining that it tasted like shit.”
Murats’s fiance laughs lightly. “That’s so cute. You doing these things for him, that’s adorable.”
Austin is about to say something, but Hasan beats him to it.
“It’s cute but like, duh. Obviously I’m gonna do that shit for my boyfriend. I’m not a selfish top, unlike someone. I actually take care of my-”
He cuts himself off when Austin chokes on his food. He pats him on the back with a bit of concern. “You okay, homie?”
Austin shakes his head to dismiss Hasan’s worry and waves it off. He coughs a bit, which is good because it disguises the real reason he’s gotten red in the face.
“I’m fine.” He manages to say.
He’s not fine, though. And not because of his food going down the wrong pipe. He’s losing it because of what Hasan just said. Did he just call him his boyfriend ? Look, Hasan likes this joke like this. He’s called Austin his girlfriend before. He likes to refer to himself as Austin’s ‘platonic top’, he almost seems to take pride in that, he loves taking care of him. Austin is aware of that, he finds it endearing even. Hell, Hasan even jokes about wanting to fuck him sometimes! That’s just a joke, though.
This hits different for some reason. There’s just something about the word ‘boyfriend’ that stands out to Austin. Maybe because it’s gendered correctly so it sounds more real? As a gay man, hearing it come from the guy he has such a huge crush on is… it’s something for sure.
But this has been such a nice evening so far. Austin doesn’t want to ruin it by overthinking a simple joke. Even though now he’s second guessing everything Hasan says or does. He’s so sweet to him the whole time, even when he teases him. It’s nothing new, but… no, surely Austin is reading too much into this.
He almost forgets about all that as days go by. Like, not really, but he’s able to avoid thinking about it too much, you know?
Then one day they are sitting in the kitchen, drinking some tea Hasan’s mom made for them. Austin is sipping from his little glass, enjoying the conversation. She’s been teasing Hasan, asking him when he’s gonna settle down. She’s been doing this every once in a while since Murat got engaged.
“Mom… come on.” Hasan replies, without any real weight to it. He’s not even that annoyed. He sighs and huffs a brief laugh.
“You’re already thirty three, that’s a good age to get married. Just saying that.” Then she turns to Austin, “What about you, Austin? Are you seeing someone?”
Austin didn’t expect her to involve him, so he’s stunned for a second. “Uh, no… not really.” He says sheepishly.
“So you’re single?”
“Mom…” Hasan groans. “Stop interrogating him.”
“What? He’s almost thirty, he should start thinking about this too, no?”
“I’m- I’m not in a committed relationship right now, I’m just…”
Hasan snorts. “Not so fun when she does it to you, huh?”
Austin chuckles and shrugs. “It’s fine. It’s not like I don’t want something serious, by the way, it just hasn’t happened yet.” He glances at him. “You know I want a family one day, we talked about this.”
Hasan nods. His mom’s eyes move from one to the other.
“Austin is more serious than you. You never even talk about wanting a family.”
“If it happens it happens, okay? It’s not like I desperately want to have kids.”
“Anne,” Austin says fondly, “It’s okay, I’ll give you some grandchildren someday.”
“How?” Hasan snorts.
“With a surrogate-”
“Sure, but on your own?”
“Well, maybe? Ideally with someone. I don’t think I could raise a child on my own, that sounds like too much work. I don’t know how to deal with children anyway, so…”
He sees Hasan roll his eyes. Austin can’t explain it but he feels like something has shifted during this conversation. The way Hasan is talking, like he’s a little gloomy. Maybe he’s simply over this topic.
“It’s okay, Austin.” Hasan’s mom says. “You’ll find the right partner to have a family with. You’ll have a nice wedding too.” She then looks at her son, who’s sitting quietly now, with a slight pout. They exchange a look Austin doesn’t understand, but before he can say anything, Hasan stands up. “I gotta go get ready for the stream.” He starts to walk out of the room, but pauses. Austin is drinking the last of his tea when Hasan addresses him. “Are you coming?”
Austin has been in a lot of Hasan’s streams lately. Almost all of them, in fact. He shrugs. “Yeah, sure.” He turns to Hasan’s mom with a smile. “Thank you, it was very nice.”
Hasan already walked out, so Austin exchanges a look with her, then follows him out of the room.
“Are you okay? What was that about?” He asks once they are alone.
“Mh? What do you mean?”
He gets the feeling Hasan is playing dumb. But if he doesn’t want to talk about it, Austin can’t force him.
“Nothing I guess. But, you know, she’s just teasing you. I don’t think she actually cares that much that you aren’t married yet. I think she just wants you to find the right person and be happy.”
Hasan glances at him and smiles. “Yeah. I know.”
Austin gets the feeling like he’s missing something, some context maybe, but he doesn’t know how to ask. So he says nothing.
The stream goes well, but it’s draining. Austin isn’t there the whole time, but he’s still around for most of it. By the end he’s exhausted. He’s relieved when he finally gets to hit the pillow that night.
The next morning, Austin just woke up and he’s still in bed when he hears a knock on the door. It’s not much later than 8 am.
“Huh?”
“It’s me.” Hasan’s muffled voice comes through the door.
“Come in. What’s up?”
The door opens and Hasan pokes his head inside, leaning against the frame. “Morning. Wanna go to the park?”
Austin thinks about it for a second then shrugs. “Yeah, why not?”
Hasan smiles and peels himself off the doorframe. “Alright. Wear something you can sweat in, this time.”
Austin rolls his eyes. “That was one time!” It’s been months since that incident - in his defense, he needed to fly in those same clothes later that day. Of course he didn’t want to get them sweaty.
Hasan laughs and walks out, closing the door behind him. Austin gets out of bed and starts getting ready.
They bring Kaya along as well. Austin is surprised, and Hasan explains that they’ll take her on a walk first.
It’s still early, they are among the very few people at the park at this hour. They start walking and Austin is hit with how nice this is. That time, the one Hasan keeps making fun of him for, this is what he thought they were gonna do. He keeps glancing at Hasan, watching his profile, until the other notices and turns to look back at him.
“What?” He asks curiously.
Austin smiles and shakes his head. “Nothing.” He quickly averts his eyes.
He can’t help but wonder if Hasan is doing this for him, since he knows this is what he wanted. As a way to make it up for him for laughing at him all this time. Either way, they have a good time. They chat and laugh. When Kaya comes across other dogs they pause so they can briefly sniff each other. At one point they even run into a fan.
It’s a young man, kinda queer looking. Austin almost snorts, since he’s always teasing Hasan about all his fans looking queer as hell. Tattoos, undercut, piercings. Anyway, the guy spots Hasan and recognizes him, walking up to them.
He introduces himself, he’s all smiley and a little shy, clearly intimidated by Hasan who towers over him. Even Austin is taller than this guy. He probably has a little parasocial crush on Hasan, and Austin can’t blame him for it, but it’s funny to watch. Like, this guy is batting his lashes and stuff.
“This is Austin, by the way.” Hasan says when the fan fails to acknowledge him. “My, um, my friend Austinshow. We co-host the Fear& podcast, I don’t know if you-”
“Of course! Hey, Austin. What’s up, man?”
Oh so this guy does know who Austin is, he just doesn’t give a shit because he’s too starstruck by Hasan. Got it. That’s a little insulting but frankly it’s mostly funny.
They continue to chat for a minute, then they excuse themselves and the fan walks away. They head towards the basketball court.
Austin is still reeling from that interaction. Even though he got snubbed a little, it’s still nice to meet fans, but that’s not the sole reason. He just can’t shake the feeling that something was different about the way Hasan introduced him as his ‘friend’, almost as if he wanted to say something else. Austin is once again reminded of Hasan calling him his boyfriend. He shouldn’t make that connection, but he can’t help himself. It gives him a nice warm feeling in his chest.
Anyway, he still doesn’t love sweating, so he takes any chance he gets to go rest in the shade. He’s trying, okay? He wants to make Hasan happy but clearly he’s not succeeding because of course the other starts complaining.
“What are you doing over there in the shade? Get your ass back on the court.” He gestures for him to come back. “Get your ass back here, bro. Don’t make me come over there and drag you back.”
Austin wouldn’t mind that too much. It would be humiliating but kinda worth it, honestly. But yeah, sure, he’ll comply. He groans but he walks back, and Hasan tosses him the ball. It bounces once then Austin catches it.
They shoot hoops for a while and Austin misses most of them.
“Don’t judge me, okay? You know I’m not good at basketball, I pla-”
“Yeah, yeah. You played soccer, I know.” Hasan rolls his eyes. “I hear you, Maradona.”
Some friends of Hasan join them eventually, so it becomes more of a game. Austin feels inadequate, everyone seems to be better than him at this - and taller - but he’s still doing his best. At one point Hasan comes at him and Austin is supposed to block him, but how? With how much taller Hasan is, what chances does Austin have? Hasan comes close, Austin is flustered enough already. He’s not sure how but he trips right as Hasan is tossing the ball. He falls backwards like an idiot. He feels so embarrassed. Hasan immediately offers him his hand.
“Are you okay?” He asks as he pulls him to his feet. Austin easily stands up and ends up standing very close, almost pressed to Hasan’s chest. Hasan puts his other hand on his arm and looks into his eyes, waiting for an answer.
“Yeah, I’m- I’m okay.”
He’s a little sore but he’ll survive. There’s such warmth in the way Hasan is looking at him, it’s a little overwhelming, so he looks away and waits for Hasan to step back.
Not long after that, they grab their stuff, take Kaya, and head back home. Hasan keeps checking on him even though Austin keeps insisting that he’s fine. Until he moves his shoulder a different way and it suddenly hurts a little. It’s not too bad but it catches him by surprise, so he hisses in pain.
Hasan notices immediately. “Do you need help?” He asks, and without waiting for an answer he takes the bag from Austin’s hand as he holds Kaya’s leash in the other.
“Yeah, I told you. I’m fine, it’s just- ugh, yeah it hurts a little.” He pauses and notices the way Hasan is looking at him. “I’m fine , Hasan.”
Once they get home, Hasan takes the leash off Kaya and drops the bag on the floor, then turns to look at him, studying him.
“Will you need help washing your back? Since you have a limited range of movement.”
Austin laughs at what’s obviously a joke. What, like Hasan is gonna help him wash himself?
“No, thanks. I can handle it.”
But as he moves towards his room, he notices Hasan is following him. When he gets to the door, he turns to shoot him a quizzical look.
“What?”
“I’m just worried.”
“It’s nothing, Hasan, seriously. I’ll be okay by tomorrow.”
But that does nothing to dissuade Hasan from hovering around him all concerned like a mother hen.
“Okay… if you say so, but a warm shower will help relax your muscles and probably relieve the pain.”
“That’s a good idea, I’ll take a warm shower.”
“Okay.”
Hasan walks past him, into the room, and heads for the bathroom.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m gonna get the water nice and warm for you, before you fuck this up and then complain that the shower is ‘broken’.”
“Oh.” Austin laughs. “Okay, thanks.”
Austin walks in behind him and watches him. Hasan’s arm is inside the showers, testing the water on his hand. He pulls it out after a moment. “Alright, good to go.”
Then, much to Austin’s shock, he takes off his shirt. Austin stares. He knows he shouldn’t, but he didn’t expect that, and the sight of Hasan’s sweaty pecs has him stunned for a second.
“What are you doing?”
“I told you I’m gonna help.”
Austin swallows. He’s sure Hasan must be joking. So he snorts and nods. He’s gonna call Hasan’s bluff. But when he starts taking off his shirt, he finds Hasan’s hands on him.
“Do you need help with that?”
“No, I got it. Thanks.” He slips the shirt off and stands there, staring down Hasan. He starts to pull down his sweatpants too. He’s waiting for his friend to reveal the punchline, to make fun of him for believing he wants to shower together. There’s no way Hasan means this, it’s too-
Hasan pulls down his shorts and boxers in one go. Austin manages to stop himself from gasping, but barely.
Hasan steps into the shower, but not before Austin gets a good look at his dick swinging between his legs. He didn’t even mean to look, but it was right there!
And now Hasan stands there, looking at him expectantly.
“What are you waiting for?”
No way. Austin can’t do this. He’s still a little insecure. He knows Hasan thinks his dick is perfectly fine, he told him so, but Austin is aware he’s smaller than him and this gets to him whether he wants it or not. Why does he even care? It’s not like Hasan cares, right? It’s not like… well, actually Austin isn’t sure what Hasan is getting out of this. Offering to help is kind of him, but this feels like a bit much.
Austin doesn’t get what the joke is, if there’s even one at this point. Maybe Hasan means it, but this is strange, right? Regardless, he hesitantly slips his underwear off and steps into the shower. He shouldn’t feel this way, since he’s known Hasan for years and it’s not the first time he sees him naked either, but… he’s intimidated. He’s no better than that kid they met earlier, Jesus Christ. If he opens his mouth he’s gonna start drooling, he feels so pathetic.
His heart is in his throat.
Hasan is insanely hot. It doesn’t take being into men to see it, but Austin has never felt gayer than in this moment. He’s so into Hasan it’s not even funny. This is insane. What the fuck is happening right now? Hasan is standing naked right in front of him, in this small enclosed space. Austin nervously watches him slide the shower door closed.
Hasan, like this is nothing, takes some soap, turns Austin around and starts massaging his shoulders and rubbing his back. That, combined with the warm water on his skin, is a very pleasant feeling and Austin can’t help but let out a soft moan.
Hasan suddenly stops, and Austin wonder if he fucked up. But before he knows it, Hasan’s hands are back on him, this time massaging shampoo into his scalp. Austin feels like he’s going to explode out of his skin. It’s not like he’s never showered with a partner, but that’s the thing. Hasan isn’t even his partner. So then why is this the single most sensual experience he’s ever had?
“I can do that myself. I can lift my arms, you know?” He tries protesting, but Hasan isn’t having it and shushes him.
He tries to relax then, but he can’t.
Hasan detaches the shower head and rinses him off, then he puts it back and starts washing himself. Austin dares turn to face him, but he’s careful to avoid staring too much. He's especially avoiding looking down because he doesn’t want to be caught looking at his friend’s dick. Surely that would be too much. This entire situation is gay as fuck but would Hasan want him to look? Probably not.
It’s not as easy as it sounds. He really wants to look. Fuck, listen, Austin is not a bottom, okay? But he’d at least like to have that in his mouth. He’s literally salivating at the thought of it. God, he hopes Hasan can’t tell.
When they are both done, Austin lets out a sigh of relief as he walks out. He’s quick to wrap a towel around his waist. He wants to hide his dick but this time not because of his insecurity. He’s hoping to hide what’s happening down there. He can feel his dick harden. He’s human, okay? He can’t help it. He just hopes Hasan will leave the room soon. Honestly, Austin might just have to jack off after this.
But Hasan doesn’t leave. He covers himself too, then grabs a fresh towel and tosses it over Austin’s head, starting to rub the water out of his hair, gently massaging his scalp.
He’s standing so close, Austin can’t help but stare at his face right now. The freckles are so evident this up close. The wet curly hair sticking to his forehead, little droplets rolling down his face, his soft but focused expression… he’s a fucking sight to behold.
Hasan obviously notices him staring, so he looks him in the eyes. “Does it still hurt?”
Austin is glad for the distraction. He rolls his shoulder a bit. Still a little sore but he can barely feel it. “It feels so much better already. I told you it was nothing.”
Hasan smiles, because of course he would - he shouldn’t do that while standing so close. Austin can’t stop himself from looking at it, taking in the shape of his lips.
He forces himself to avert his eyes and he chuckles nervously.
“Is this… platonic?” He asks tentatively. “It doesn’t feel very platonic. I should let you know.”
Fuck it. He had to say something. If Hasan reacts badly, Austin will play it off as a joke. It’s going to be fine.
He sees Hasan pause. He pushes the towel off Austin’s head, dropping it over his shoulders, but he doesn’t let it go. He’s still holding the ends of it, as if to hold Austin in place.
Austin wonders if he fucked up. He’s starting to panic. He’s about to force a laugh and say he was joking, but Hasan steps closer until the space between them feels inexistent. Austin can feel the warmth emanating from his body. It’s a lot to handle right now.
He swallows and steps back, but his ass immediately hits the sink behind him. He’s trapped between it and Hasan. The heat of Hasan’s body is actually nothing compared to the heat in his gaze. What’s going on? What is this in his eyes? What does it mean? Because unless Austin is reading this situation extremely wrong, it really feels like Hasan wants to kiss him.
“It doesn’t feel platonic, huh? I wonder why.” Hasan’s voice is nearly a whisper, and Austin swears he could die. He just stares, speechless. Hasan’s lips curl into a shy smile, and Austin’s heart is about to burst.
“But y-you're straight…?” Austin manages to stammer idiotically. He didn’t mean for it to come out as a question, but it kinda did. “Well, you’re always saying you’re straight. So…”
Hasan sighs resignedly. His eyes are still on him. Such a deep brown, they are magnetic. Austin can’t look away.
“Yeah. I am, I mean– Dudes aren’t my thing, you know? But…” Austin feels like that’s not the type of sentence that a straight man would follow with a ‘but’, so anything that’s about to come out of Hasan’s mouth is going to blow Austin’s mind. Hasan jokes about men a lot, especially when it pertains to Austin, but he’s never genuinely expressed interest in a man. “It’s different when it’s you. I mean, like, I don’t even know. It is what it is. I’ve stopped trying to understand it.”
Austin almost melts onto the floor. He huffs a short laugh to release his tension, but also because what else can he do? That’s gotta be a joke. It’s the first time Hasan implies interest in him with this level of sincerity, and he chose this moment to say this, when they are both naked and Austin is mentally fighting a boner.
Maybe Austin hit his head when he fell earlier, maybe he’s dreaming.
His mouth feels dry as hell but he tries to speak anyway. “Um, oh? Different how ?”
Hasan sucks in a breath, and pushes his damp hair off his forehead, before grabbing the end of the towel again and pulling to get Austin closer.
“I don’t know. I guess you’re the exception. I don’t think that makes me bi, but honestly it doesn’t really matter. I’m not interested in other guys anyway.”
“Hasan…” Austin swallows again and lets out a nervous chuckle. He wants to kiss him so badly, but that still doesn’t feel right. This is Hasan. His best friend. If he fucks this up he could lose him. And it sounds like Hasan hasn’t fully figured out his sexuality, so that might get messy, and-
Suddenly Hasan’s hand is on Austin’s hip, interrupting his train of thought. His palm feels so warm on his skin. Then his other hand goes to lift Austin’s chin. Austin just lets it happen. He’s dreamed of this moment for so long, he doesn’t care anymore, he just wants this.
He closes his eyes when he notices Hasan leaning in. It’s such a sweet, soft kiss. Before he knows it, he finds himself pressed harder against the sink. He leans back, holding onto it. He has no choice when Hasan pushes him as he deepens the kiss.
One of Austin’s hands goes to Hasan’s shoulder, sliding up his neck and cupping his face. He moans softly into the kiss, which Hasan takes as implicit permission to push his tongue into his mouth. Austin’s whole body comes alive, he feels fire under his skin and his head is spinning. This is too good to be true.
When Hasan pulls back, Austin watches him lick his lips. Now even the towel can’t hide his hard-on. They are standing so close, he wonders if Hasan can feel it.
“This is… this is crazy.” Austin breathes softly. “How long have you been into me?”
Hasan bites his lip and lowers his face as if ashamed to admit it. “A while. I’ve been trying to make it obvious since you moved in.” He mumbles, so quiet that Austin almost doesn’t hear half of it. “I figured you knew, but I guess not?”
This is breaking Austin’s brain, he doesn’t even process the question.
“All this time you’ve been hitting on me?”
“Not very successfully, apparently. But yeah.”
“I thought- how was I supposed to know? You couldn’t just say something? You are always saying you’re straight! When I hit on you before you shut it down!”
“Hey, first of all, no. I don’t shut it down, I haven’t done that in a long time. Secondly, who are you to judge? You are the one who keeps saying I’m not your type. You’re such a liar.”
Austin is so surprised by that that he laughs. His hands are still on Hasan’s chest. He can’t make himself go. His eyes quickly dart to Hasan’s lips. He already wants to kiss him again.
“Yeah. I guess I am, you got me. So what are you gonna do about it?” He jokes.
Except… the joke lands differently when they are in this position, doesn’t it?
Hasan moves closer and Austin can suddenly feel it clearly, his erection poking his groin. It almost makes him gasp. Hasan - the smug little shit - smiles.
“You insist you’re not a bottom, then say the most bratty shit imaginable. What was that?” Hasan mocks him amusedly, “Asking ‘what am I gonna do about it’, are you for real? Do you really want me to answer that?”
Austin feels a shiver down his back at the implication. He can’t do it. He’s not- that’s now what he meant, he can’t even let himself think about it, so he changes the topic. He has so many questions, anyway.
“Um, what made you make up your mind about this, by the way?”
Hasan looks like he didn’t expect the question, or maybe he just didn’t expect the sudden change of topic, but he rolls with it. Austin waits for the answer while trying to ignore Hasan’s partial erection pressed against him.
“My mom.”
“Your mom?”
“Yeah, she told me I’m a fucking idiot.”
Austin laughs. “She said that?”
“No, not in those words obviously, but that’s what she meant.” Hasan chuckles. “She made it clear I’d be a fool not to lock this shit down, so…”
Austin owes this moment to her. He should build her a monument.
“Did she say this yesterday?” He asks, suddenly remembering how weird Hasan was acting after their conversation with her.
“No, that was months ago. Before you moved in.”
“Holy shit.” Austin’s eyes widen. “You made me move in with you with the intent to seduce me?” He can’t hide his amusement.
Hasan blinks and averts his eyes. When he talks, he mumbles. “Kinda… I didn’t make you, though, I just offered.”
“You pestered me for weeks.” Austin laughs. Hasan shouldn’t be so adorable when he gets flustered. “So… your mom wants us together? But… did she even know? That you- like, that you liked me?”
“I didn’t tell her but she figured it out. Motherly instinct or some shit, I guess.”
Austin snorts. “She figured it out before I did. Until you told me just now I had no idea. Well, kinda, I mean, I suspected but you know, I would have never thought you, um, uh… you know.”
Is it hard to think when Hasan’s huge – Breathe, Austin, breathe. When Hasan is pressed against him like this? Yeah. Hasan wants to fuck him and Austin is deeply aware of this fact. He can’t not think about it.
“Yeah, that’s the point.” Hasan replies like nothing is happening. “I wasn’t going to say shit until she sat me down. She was like, ‘Hasan are you going to let Austin find another man?’” He says, imitating his mom. “It was crazy. Like, I always knew she liked you but I didn’t expect her to think you’re son-in-law material.”
Austin stares for a moment, too taken aback to react. He remembers the conversation from yesterday, all that talk about getting married and stuff. Suddenly laughter erupts from his chest, he can’t stop it. This is so… it’s so silly , but also very sweet. It almost brings tears to his eyes. Because clearly Hasan is serious enough about this that his own mother got involved. She could see him pine for him and felt the need to intervene. And Because Austin isn’t only insanely attracted to him. If he’s being honest, he’s been in love with him for a long time too. So hearing this all of sudden is… well, it’s a lot. In a good way, obviously, but holy shit .
“Let’s get dressed.” Hasan says suddenly, prying Austin from his thoughts. He can’t help but show a little disappointment. Maybe a little confusion too. And Hasan picks up on that, so he adds, “Unless you’d rather we stay naked?”
There’s humor in his voice, but it’s still a real question.
Austin feels his face get flushed at that. What’s Hasan even talking about? They are both as hard as a rock, why is he talking about putting their clothes back on? Banging seems like a no brainer.
“That depends, I suppose?” Austin replies, even more confused.
Hasan gives him a look with a raised eyebrow. “You’re always saying you’re not ready to bottom. You whine about failing booty boot camp all the time. What, suddenly you want it?”
Austin’s face burns even hotter. Oh . So that’s what’s on Hasan’s mind - Austin’s comfort. He was trying to be courteous instead of assuming Austin would be okay with it. Well, that’s nice of him. It’s actually really, really sweet. And he’s kinda right, honestly, Austin isn’t entirely sure what he wants either. Like, does he want it? Okay, kinda. Yeah. He does. But does he think he’s ready? Fuck no. He already thought he wasn’t ready but after seeing the size of that thing up close like this, fully hard? Nope. Definitely not. He’s gonna break! His poor ass would never recover! No fucking way.
“When did I say I’d be the one bottoming?” He asks, as if there’s any chance in hell Hasan is gonna bottom for him - having a monster cock and not using it feels like such a waste.
“You’re still on that bullshit?” Hasan laughs incredulously.
“Listen. Obviously I want you, but not like that. I can’t do it.”
Hasan’s face softens. “Alright, alright. We don’t have to do anything you are not comfortable with. But if you still want to have sex, I’m not opposed.”
Austin frowns. “What are you suggesting?”
Hasan looks at him like he’s stupid. “Um, rubbing each other off like horny teenagers? I don’t know man.” He laughs with a shrug, betraying a little nervousness. Right. It’s a first for Hasan too, he’s never been with a man. “We have hands and mouths, I’m sure we can figure something out.”
Austin wonders what he means by that. If he wants Austin to suck him off or if… would he be down to sucking Austin’s dick? Wait, that’s so fucking hot. Anyway, it sounds like he really wants him and he’s down to do whatever, and Austin will take that. Just touching each other is enough. He wants Hasan just as badly. So he nods, and lets Hasan lead him back to the bedroom.
On the way there they discard the towels. By the time they reach the bed they are naked, grabbing onto each other, touching and kissing.
Austin gropes Hasan’s ass because he always wanted to, and Hasan lets him. So he follows his fantasy and gropes his tits too. They look so good. Hasan smiles and kisses him again. His facial hair tickles a bit, especially his mustache. Most men Austin has been with had no facial hair, so this feels new even though it’s technically not the first time he kisses someone with a mustache.
Hasan puts one hand on Austin’s chest and gently pushes him back. He nods towards the bed. “Get on the bed.”
Austin shouldn’t obey without a word but he finds himself moving before he can think. Hasan’s voice makes him shiver when he talks like this. He’s never heard him this way, it’s incredibly hot.
Hasan climbs on top of him and starts kissing him again, only leaving his lips alone to start kissing his jaw and neck. Then, without warning, Hasan’s hand is suddenly around his dick. His hand is so big it makes Austin feel small. He knows his dick is nothing to scoff at, he’s average at the very least, but fuck . Compared to Hasan… Everything about Hasan is big. He’s just huge.
Also there’s the fact that Austin didn’t expect him to take initiative like this. Hasan is touching Austin’s dick before Austin has gotten to touch his, which is crazy. This man has never been with another man and here he is, jacking him off like this is just something he does all the time.
Austin moans. He grabs Hasan’s hair, pulling him back up from where he’d descended from his jaw to his chest, and takes his lips into a kiss. He wraps his hand around Hasan’s erection, trying to match the other’s strokes.
They are both moaning now. That noise coming from Hasan’s mouth sounds so hot - the way it rises up his throat and pours into Austin’s mouth, muffled against his tongue. After a little while, Hasan is basically thrusting into Austin’s fist, which is also very hot. It makes Austin wonder. He wonders how it would feel to have it thrust inside– no, he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t. He has to remind himself that he doesn’t. But he’s thinking about it anyway. It’s scary but that’s kinda hot too in a confusing way.
Hasan groans. “Wait.” He reaches to grab lube and he leans back, squirting some over both of their dicks. When he resumes stroking Austin it feels so much smoother. “Better?” He asks. Austin nods. Hasan leans down and starts kissing his neck again.
It’s weird being on the bottom like this, having a larger man loom over him. It’s weird but it’s not bad, it’s just something Austin isn’t used to.
Now that Hasan’s fingers are lubed up, Austin finds himself thinking about it even more. Eventually he has to admit to himself that he kinda wants to know. Hasan has gorgeous hands, thick fingers…
“Maybe… I could take one finger.” He mumbles, it’s so quiet he wonders if Hasan even heard it, but the other meets his eyes so he knows he did. He immediately regrets saying anything. He wishes he could take that back. Hasan looks surprised, but he definitely looks like he’s down to do this.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” Austin is not actually sure, but fuck it. “But one , nothing more!”
“Okay.” Hasan smiles gently. “Just one finger. I got you.”
That’s reassuring but at the same time it’s frightening. Austin knows he can trust Hasan, but he’s still a little scared. Mostly because he doesn’t want to pass as a coward if he chickens out halfway through.
He feels Hasan’s finger massage his outer rim. He’s not even pushing in and Austin is already shivering and clenching. Fuck, this is gonna be hard. Why did he say anything?
“Relax. Let me take care of you.” Hasan says.
“Do you even know what you’re doing?”
Stupid question. Hasan gives him a look and Austin blushes.
“I may have never fucked a man, but I’ve had anal before. A butthole is a butthole, Austin.”
“Right.”
Sure. Like, yeah technically Hasan is right, but still. Austin relaxes and feels Hasan’s finger slip inside, just the tip of it, kinda wiggling around, gently massaging him open. Austin tenses up again when he feels it push deeper. He grabs Hasan’s biceps and whimpers without meaning to. God, this is so embarrassing.
The thing is that truly everything about Hasan is big, including his fingers. Just one knuckle feels like so much more than what it is. Austin squirms, he can’t help it, and digs his nails into Hasan’s skin. If the other is bothered by it, he doesn’t show it.
“You okay?” Hasan asks.
Austin nods. Before he knows it, Hasan has worked that finger so much deeper. Hasan thrusts it in and out slowly for a bit, then pauses.
“I think you could take another one.”
“No the fuck I couldn’t!” Austin all but yelps. He feels so embarrassed about it, what was that? His face burns. Shit. He’s really not helping his case, is he?
Hasan looks thoughtful. He resumes playing with Austin’s ass. He kisses him and starts stroking his dick again with his other hand. Austin lets it happen for a moment, then realizes what Hasan is trying to do: distract him.
Hasan pulls his finger out and starts playing with his outer rim again. When he starts pushing again, Austin can fucking tell it’s not just one finger. He’s not stupid.
He pulls back from the kiss. “We said one finger!”
“I know. I’m not putting it inside.” Hasan says as he presses harder - but without pushing in, like he said. “I think you can take it. Is this as far as you got last time you tried?”
Austin’s heart is racing. He swallows, trying to remember. The sensation is so different, it’s hard to draw a parallel, but yeah, that sounds right.
“I think so.”
“Okay. If you don’t want to go any further than this, then it’s okay.” Hasan pushes his one finger inside again, down to his second knuckle, making Austin moan. He starts fucking him with it, curling it up a little. Austin gasps and grabs the other’s biceps again.
“Hasan!”
“You like that?”
He thinks he does. It feels so different from when he was doing it to himself. It’s technically the same thing, but it’s not. This is better. But he can’t bring himself to admit that he likes it.
“It’s okay.”
Hasan snorts. “Just okay? Damn, I gotta refine my skills then.” He takes Austin’s cock in his hand again. “And here I was, thinking I could make you come with just one finger. Clearly you need more than that.”
“Hasan, don’t-”
“I’m not going to, don’t worry. You could work your way up to it, though. I believe in you.”
Austin rolls his eyes, or tries to, but he’s definitely too distracted even for that.
Hasan leans down to place kisses along his clavicle, moving down to his chest. He takes one of Austin’s nipples between his lips and gently sucks on it. It’s already good, then he takes it with his teeth and pulls, just enough to hurt. Austin moans and looks at him. Their eyes meet. Then Austin’s eyes move slightly and fall on Hasan’s cock hanging heavy between his thick thighs. He feels bad. He’s doing nothing, just lying there and whining over just one finger, being a useless bottom.
He doesn’t know if he could ever take that . But he’s gotta start somewhere, right? Maybe Hasan is right, maybe he can work his way up to it. He’s getting used to this already, it doesn’t feel that overwhelming anymore.
“Hasan…”
“Mh?”
Austin sighs. “You can add another one. Just- just slowly, okay?”
He sees Hasan’s lips stretch into a smile, almost a grin. He resents that reaction.
“I knew it.”
“You don’t know shit, shut up. This doesn’t make me a bottom, I’m just allowing myself to give it a try. I haven’t even decided if I like it or not.”
“Sure.”
Suddenly Hasan slips two fingers inside, making him gasp and moan. He grips Hasan’s shoulders tightly.
“I said slowly!”
“I am going slow, it’s only my fingertips! Relax.” Hasan caresses his cheek, tracing his jaw and taking his chin between his fingers. “You can take it.” He punctuates that by dropping a kiss on Austin’s cheek, then one on his shoulder.
“Yeah, maybe, but– fuck!” It’s confusing. It’s a little painful, it’s uncomfortable, but it also feels so good. How is that possible?
Hasan’s fingers go deeper and deeper, and it feels like it’s too much, but Austin doesn’t want to back out now. He supposes it feels different when someone else is doing this to you. He can’t imagine himself taking something so big on his own. When he tried he just couldn’t, he gave up before reaching this point. It just felt kinda odd and unpleasant. This isn’t just better, it’s hot. Having Hasan’s fingers inside him is hot .
“Hasan!” He cries.
“Does it hurt?”
“Mh…” Well, not really? “Nah. Not anymore. This is- it’s fine, actuall- ah!” Right then, Hasan pries a deep moan out of him.
He smiles smugly. “Think you can take more?”
“ More ?”
He senses the hesitation in Austin’s voice, so he gently shushes him.
“Shh, hey, don’t stress about it. You don’t have to unless you want to.”
Austin looks down at Hasan’s dick. He can’t deny that part of him is curious. He can’t imagine himself taking that, but he has to wonder. It’s gotta feel good, right? Why would everyone be so obsessed with big dicks otherwise? Even he is. He’s insecure, sometimes she wishes his dick was bigger. Because he knows it feels good and people who like dicks like them big because– fuck, okay, yeah. Sure, duh, makes a whole lot of sense, but he’s still scared! Not just of getting hurt, but of what it means.
He’s not gonna unpack all that right now. Not while Hasan’s fingers dig inside him and make him moan like a bitch.
“Just do it. Add another one.” He blurts out before he can change his mind. At this point he’d rather get fucked stupid if that’s how it’s gonna be. Clearly he has some issues he has to solve but he’d rather turn off his brain. He’s fucking gay either way, why does it matter? People who hate him would hate him anyway. Rationally he knows he shouldn’t care.
If only it were that simple.
“Oh? Okay.”
When Hasan inserts three fingers at once, Austin’s eyes widen and he whines loudly. That feels so much bigger than before, it’s almost too much.
“Oh, fuck!” He nearly screams.
Despite what this reaction might make you think, Hasan is actually being very gentle. He’s watching him carefully. He thrusts his fingers in and out slowly, letting him get used to it, and it works. It starts to feel very good very quickly.
Austin manages to relax and he sighs.
“Are you trying to fist me?!” He asks rhetorically. “What are you doing?”
“You’re so dramatic, it’s only three fingers. And you asked for it!”
“It feels like a lot more! Easy for you to say…” Austin drops his head back into the pillow and closes his eyes. It might feel like a lot, but he’s taking it. And he’s enjoying it too, which is somehow the worst part. Fuck. He didn’t expect that. Maybe his body can take it, after all, but he’s not mentally prepared.
“You’re such a baby.” Hasan laughs fondly.
“I’d like to see you take three fingers up your ass!”
He keeps laughing. “Okay, okay. Sorry. You’re doing well, though.”
Shit. Those words make Austin moan before he can stop himself. And loudly too, it’s obscene. He can’t handle the simple praise. Especially because, unfortunately, it’s making him motivated to do what he always said he wouldn’t do. If it’ll get Hasan to praise him more, it might be worth it… What is he saying? Ugh. Maybe Hasan is already succeeding in fucking him stupid.
As if reading his mind, Hasan coos at him. He kisses his neck, with his fingers deep inside him curling and stretching him out beyond what he thought was possible.
“You’re doing well, baby. You always insist you can’t take it, but you’re doing it. Look at you. You’re so good.”
“Fuck, Hasan… stop!”
Austin is blushing so hard, his face and neck feel like they are on fire. He’s a whimpering mess. He can’t even look Hasan in the eyes anymore. This is beyond embarrassing. Looking at all the sex he had, none of it has made him feel this way. And it’s not just the new sensations, it’s the fact that it’s Hasan. He supposes that having sex with someone you have such deep feelings for is different than fucking someone you just like, no matter how strong the attraction is.
Hearing that, Hasan pauses. His fingers stop mid thrust, more out than in. Austin can’t help but whine.
“What is it?” Hasan’s voice is dripping with concern. It’s so warm and gentle, it’s like a cozy blanket. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah…” Austin is more embarrassed than before. He’s panting heavily, staring at the man above him. “I didn’t mean…” Fuck, this is the worst. “I didn’t mean ‘stop moving’, sorry. You can continue. I just meant stop with the, uh, with… you know, that .”
Hasan nods and resumes moving, looking at him interrogatively. “Stop with what?”
Austin finally forces himself to meet his eyes, although briefly, before closing them. “Telling me I’m good and all that stuff. Please, it’s too- uh, it’s a lot.”
“Huh. You don’t like praise?” Hasan leans in to give him a quick peck on the lips, and when he leans back, Austin opens his eyes just to see a grin on his face. “Or do you like it too much, maybe? Is that the problem?”
“You’re a dick.” Austin laughs, he can’t help that. He’s too fond of Hasan to even get mad. Or maybe his brain already melted, who knows?
“For what? For telling you what a good little bottom you’re being?” Hasan says in a sing-songy voice, and Austin groans. It’s annoyance and pleasure mixed into one indiscernible sound. “You’re taking my fingers so well. I know you can take my cock too.”
“Fuck!” Austin whimpers again when Hasan’s fingers dig deeper, rubbing his prostate harder than ever so far. Fuck, that feels even better! “Right there! Oh, fuck!”
“Here?” Hasan asks in a mockingly innocent tone, and he does it again.
Austin’s eyes water up, so he squeezes them closed. He’s panting hard. He suddenly feels so much closer. Is this what bottoms feel when he fucks them? Fuck, he gets it now.
“Do you want-” Hasan tries asking, but Austin cuts him off.
“Yes! Yes, please.”
He has no time to be embarrassed now, he just wants more. If Hasan’s fingers feel so good, he can’t even imagine what something thicker and longer is gonna feel like. God, he’s been missing out, hasn’t he? His head is spinning, good thing he’s already lying down. He’s almost overwhelmed.
Hasan gently pulls out and takes his time to spread copious amounts of lube along his shaft, before aligning himself with Austin’s already stretched out hole. Austin clenches as soon as he feels the pressure of the head against his rim.
“Relax, Austin.” Hasan has to remind him once again. “I don’t want it to hurt.” He adds softly, caressing his face so gently that it’s overwhelming in its own right. Austin has opened his eyes and he meets Hasan’s. “You can take it. I know you can.” Austin does his best to relax, and Hasan begins pushing in, moaning quietly, cursing under his breath. “Like that. Good boy, Austin.”
“Fuck!” Austin whines. His entire body feels like it's on fire. “Fuck you.” He manages to mutter while suppressing both a moan and a laugh.
“What? You don’t like being told you’re a good boy?”
Hasan continues to push in until he bottoms out. Austin feels like he’s being torn open, but in a good way. His eyes are still filled with tears. He tries to wipe them as inconspicuously as he can, but Hasan can see it, so he does it for him. He moves Austin's hand off his face and uses his thumbs to wipe the rest of the moisture from his lower lashes. Then he kisses him deeply.
“You did it, baby.” He says when he pulls back. “See? It wasn’t so hard. I knew you could do it.”
“Y-yeah. I guess so.”
Austin lets out a long breath. It doesn’t feel real that he’s doing it.
Hasan smiles at him. He slowly rolls his hips back and starts really fucking him. He’s been holding himself back while he was clearly dying to do this, Austin can tell. His legs wrap around Hasan's waist before he can stop himself. He wants it deeper. This is the first time he bottoms and he already wants more, he feels like such a slut - but for Hasan ? He’s always been a slut for Hasan, let’s be real.
He doesn’t think he could have done it if it were with literally anyone else.
“That feels so…”
“Good?” Hasan asks. Austin doesn’t have the words. He can only nod. Hasan smiles. “Yeah?”
Austin nods again and moans, grabbing onto Hasan’s shoulders, dragging his nails along his back. Hasan places kisses along his jaw, whispering sweet nothings against his skin. That feels good too. He feels like what he’s getting to see right now is a side of Hasan he’s never seen before. They talked about their respective sex lives, he learned more about Hasan’s than many would consider appropriate between friends, but he still never got to experience it first hand - what he’s like as a lover. His hands are touching him roughly and yet so carefully, it makes Austin feel special. He loves sex of course but he’s rarely felt this way during it. He’s not sure if it’s because he’s bottoming or if it’s just how Hasan makes him feel.
“Fuck, don’t stop!” He finds himself saying despite himself. Then he suddenly remembers that this is Hasan’s first time with a guy. They are both losing some version of virginity right now. So a smile spreads on his lips and he caresses the other’s face, slipping his hand to the back of his head and grabbing onto his hair. When he pulls on it, the most delightful moan escapes Hasan’s lips. They hold eye contact for a moment. “How does it feel?”
“I told you I had anal befo–”
“I know, but you know what I mean. How does it feel to fuck a dude?”
Hasan is panting - but so is Austin, so he’s not judging - and he moans before replying. “Good?” Hasan laughs. “What do you want me to say?”
Austin is breathless but he still manages to laugh too, he can’t help it. “Come on. Romance is dead. Just ‘good’?”
“Do you want me to say it’s transcendent?”
“I’m spreading my cheeks for you and this is all you’ve got to say?”
Hasan snickers. “Alright, alright.” He pauses to kiss the corner of Austin’s lips. “It feels so fucking good. You feel good, you’re so tight.” He groans, hitting hard, making Austin’s eyes roll back.
“Oh, f–”
Hasan doesn’t stop. “I’m not just in it for the sex, but fuck if it isn’t a perk.”
Austin has no time to recover. Hasan is torturing his prostate and it feels amazing. He’s so close already and he’s torn - part of him never wants this to end, part of him is getting desperate to come.
“Yeah.” Is all he can say, nothing particularly clever.
He cups Hasan’s cheeks and pulls him into a kiss, pausing only to catch his breath.
Hasan moans loudly. He pulls back from the kiss and hides his face in the curve of Austin’s neck, panting against his damp skin, rubbing his nose on it, lifting his chin to briefly chew on Austin’s earlobe.
“I’m close.” He says, and to Austin it feels like a solemn proclamation. Hasan is gonna come inside him and they aren’t even using a condom. It’s his first time bottoming and he’s not only getting fucked by one of the biggest dicks he’s ever seen, he’s also gonna get cream pied. He can’t focus too much on that, he has to just let it happen.
“Me too.”
“Fuck!” Hasan’s voice is hoarse and deep, unlike Austin has ever heard it. It sounds desperate in a way that’s very sexy. It takes Austin so much closer.
He clings to Hasan. He tightens his legs around his waist trying to push him deeper. He’s never felt this before, he instinctively knows he’s coming but it feels so much stronger than anything he’s ever experienced. He can feel it in his whole body. He tenses up, a pool of heat in his lower abdomen begging to be released. It feels insanely good. His nails dig into Hasan’s skin without even meaning to.
“Hasan!” He cries, his voice broken by moans so high they sound like sobs.
Hasan is fucking him through it, messily, not stopping for a second, until he stills. Austin is just starting to come down from it and he feels it gushing inside him. He gasps as Hasan moans softly in his ear.
When he’s done he very slowly, carefully, starts to pull out. That’s when Austin gets scared again. He isn’t even sure why but he panics. He got used to that presence inside him and suddenly being deprived of it feels wrong, he feels empty. And besides that, he can feel cum trickle out and that freaks him out a little too.
Hasan lies down next to him, pulling him close and placing sweet kisses on his jaw and cheek. Austin can’t even move, but he sees Hasan move his eyes all over his body so he looks too and sees his own cum on his belly. He’s not sure why but that sight affects him. Suddenly he feels his cheeks burn. His cum usually goes into a condom or into someone else - occasionally on someone else - not… all over himself. It’s such a mess. And with Hasan’s cum pouring out of him too? God, he feels filthy.
“Hey.” Hasan’s voice distracts him. He turns to look at him. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I was just… no, yeah I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
Hasan’s deep dark eyes peer into his, searching for something.
“I’m okay. Just a little overwhelmed, I guess… ugh. I need to clean up.”
Part of him is sure Hasan thinks it’s gross. Like, come on. Hasan isn’t into cum. He barely tolerates it at most, probably.
“On it.” Hasan quickly gets out of bed and comes back with a damp towel. “I got you.” He sits back next to him and quietly starts cleaning him up. Austin just stares.
“Isn’t that weird?” He asks when the other is just about done.
“Mh?”
“Like… wiping cum off me?”
“I knew you had a dick before we got into bed, so…?” Hasan quips.
Austin laughs softly. “I know, but like, I mean…”
Hasan finishes wiping Austin’s thighs, then looks him in the eyes, studying his face.
“What is this about?” He snorts, “‘Cos this ain’t about me, dawg.”
Austin resents that. How the fuck can Hasan say that so confidently? He’s right, but still!
“Talk to me.” Hasan adds sweetly when Austin fails to respond quickly enough to his liking. “What’s up?”
“It’s nothing… I don’t wanna talk about it, is that okay? It’s nothing you did or anything. This was great, I just…”
Hasan’s hand reaches for his cheek, cupping it, brushing his cheekbone with his thumb, making him look at him.
“You don’t have to tell me right now. We have all the time we want to figure this out together.” Hasan’s words hit Austin right in his feelings. That wording implies a whole lot. He doesn’t mean to, but he just stares, blinking. Hasan gets self-conscious after a moment. “I mean, shit. I guess we haven’t really discussed it. That’s on me for assuming. I don’t know your take about this.”
“Oh. I’m down. Whatever– yeah. Whatever this is.”
Hasan smiles, looking relieved. The little crease in his brow dissolves. “Yeah?”
“Fuck yeah.”
His smile widens, showing some teeth. “Alright.”
*
Everyone’s reactions are the worst part of this - well, really the only bad part, and not even truly ‘bad’, just… Well, Austin takes offense to the fact that nobody is shocked to learn about him and Hasan. Like it was a given that he’s been lusting for him for years?!
The public gives mixed reactions, but everyone who knows them in real life barely even blinks.
Hasan’s family is just happy for them. Especially his mom, she’s already talking about wedding venues which makes Austin’s head spin. He thinks she’s low-key doing it to mess with him and her son, but he can’t be entirely sure sometimes.
QT gives them a completely flat “congrats” and when Austin asks “That’s it?” she goes “Do you want me to bake you a cake to celebrate?” and just shrugs. Will is delighted and admits he was a little shocked at first when Austin moved in with Hasan because until that point he thought Hasan was only messing around, but after that he figured they were serious and it was just a matter of time before they announced it.
Nobody who knows them is even shocked that Hasan isn’t entirely straight, which is strange. Obviously they have questions, but they are not surprised by this.
“Doesn’t that bother you at all?” Austin asks him when the topic comes up during a stream.
Hasan does a double take, then a huge smile slowly spreads on his lips. “Mr Austin Show, are you implying I should be offended that people always assumed I’m gay? That’s homophobic as hell, bro!”
Austin laughs. “So now you’re saying you’re gay?”
“I’m not, but-”
“See? There you go, chat. Hasan Piker, everybody. Known homophobe . He just said he’s not offended that people think he’s gay and there he goes, immediately denying it.”
Hasan is quietly chuckling, looking at him with that amused glint in his eyes.
“I’m not– Yo, I’m n-”
“You’re not gay?”
“I’m not homophobic . I’m literally dating a man. I support gay people. Very directly, may I add. Financially and like, emotionally and stuff.”
“Okay, hold on. ‘Financially’? Let’s not start a new rumor that I’m-”
“That you went from selfish top to pillow princess? Oh sorry, ‘sugar baby’, I guess is a better term for this.”
“I pay for stuff too! I’m a provider, I’ve always been a provider. You know I-” Austin scoffs, barely hiding a smile. “Okay, fine. But you’re rich as fuck, Mr Mansion, so I don’t feel guilty about it.” He laughs and cheekily sticks his tongue out, quickly checking the chat to see what people are saying.
“You fucking live here, babe.” Hasan retorts. “It’s your house too, don’t act holier than thou. You love this so-called ‘mansion’.”
“Okay, that’s true.”
They share a laugh, then Austin points at a comment, so Hasan isolates it and reads it out loud.
“‘You guys are disgusting’, wow chatter.” Hasan pauses, eyes scanning the screen as more messages from the same person come in. “‘I’m not homophobic I’m just single’?” Hasan chuckles as he reads, “‘I’m sorry please don’t ban me’, nah you’re good.”
“Aw… sucks to be you! Hah!” Austin chuckles and hits Hasan in his bicep. “No, I’m joking, I’m joking.”
“Comments like these are indistinguishable from bigots hate-watching my streams, like. Guessing game: overfamiliar queer person or someone’s conservative uncle?”
“You built your sense of humor around being jokingly homophobic, so you can’t… uh.” Austin interrupts himself, noticing a comment talking about their pets. He curiously looks over his shoulder at Kaya’s bed.
“Yeah but I’m joking.” Hasan continues, oblivious. “They know I’m joking. That chatter is the real hater. Even more real than a conservative, because damn dude. You’re gonna suck cock then turn around and judge me for the same thing?”
Austin is only half listening. His eyes are watering.
“Hasan.” He calls him quietly.
“Mh?”
The other turns too and sees what Austin is looking at.
Both cats are sleeping on top of Kaya. Her snout is resting on her paws and she looks up at both men as if to ask ‘is this normal?’. Meanwhile the two felines are lazing off in her back, snuggled up against each other, occasionally grooming each other and even tossing in a lick at Kaya’s fur. It took so long for them to finally get along, and now look at them!
Austin looks at Hasan and both know they are thinking the same thing. This is the cutest shit they’ve ever seen.
“Aw!” Hasan coos.
“This is incredible.” Austin moves aside to show the camera. “Chat, do you see that? This is the first time they do this. Or, the first time we catch them doing it, anyway. Aw… My babies!” He coos with a pout.
Hasan looks at them for a moment longer, before turning to Austin and smiling at him.
The stream continues and they move on, but mentally Austin is still in that moment. This is it. The confirmation he was looking for: he’s done searching, he has all he needs right here.