Chapter Text
Lila
Standing on the porch the anxiety floods back into Lila’s system. It had been seven years for them, but only a few hours for the rest of the world. But in those few hours, everything had changed. Her entire world shifted on its axis, and now here she was, waiting to face the consequences of that change. As soon as Five had admitted he had the way to get back here, she’d practically ran out of the door, her only thought getting back to her children. The children she had accepted a hundred times over that she was never going to see again. Now all the other concerns are starting to bubble up, picking away at the one burning happy thought she had. Churning in her stomach, needling in the back of her mind. Because she’d made a choice in coming back. Even if it hadn’t felt like it had been one at the time, acting on instinct and hurriedly throwing her belongings into bags before practically running for the subway. She hadn’t understood why Five had insisted on changing back into his old uniform of a sharply cut suit until she was left here, feeling like she was heading into war without her armour.
Because everything had changed. She was fundamentally a different person than the one who had walked out of this house a few hours earlier. She’d lived through things she never wanted to speak of again, seen things that no-one would ever believe. Grieved for the family behind this door, cried so many nights for them. And fell in love with the man who stood next to her through it all. The man who wasn’t her husband. She reaches across to Five, instinct now after all this time, needing to lace her fingers through his to to feel grounded. She pulls back at the last second, the weight of the other that she hadn’t thought about until now. Turning to him, she wants to say something, to talk about this. To explain why she had run straight back, wishing for the first time since he’d handed her that damn book that she could just have more time. That they could have more time.
“Hey, you good?” He asks softly.
It’s not an easy question to answer, so she goes for the most obvious concern that burns in the forefront of her brain. “It’s been seven years since I’ve seen my kids, Five. I’m scared.” She swallows and tries to shake away the fear. That they’ll blame her, that they’ll somehow know she isn’t the same person. She abandoned them, not intentionally, but it was still true.
“What are you scared of?”
“That they won’t love me like they did before.” She tries to hold back the tears.
“Hey, it’s only been a few hours for them. Nothing’s changed.” He stops, looks like he wants to say more, but doesn’t. She wonders if he can feel it too, the monumental shift that only they felt, the world continuing on its humdrum path as they’d spun out together without it.
“You promise?” This was their game. The way they managed to survive for so long, the days without food, with barely enough shelter. Tired, hungry, in pain, bleeding, hunted, hunting, surviving. No matter what, all it took was a promise. That they would find food in the next place they looked. There would be somewhere warm they could dry off. The train would be here soon. Empty promises, but it was all they had, the human connection of reassurance.
“Yeah. Promise.” He squeezes her hand, and she wants to pause time here. Wishes they had waited, talked, not just run headfirst back into whatever they were walking into now. It had been nearly seven years they’d been gone, a whole year of them. They deserved more, he deserved more, than watching her run straight back to her old life. Because she wasn’t, she couldn’t, and surely he knew that. She looks at him, starts to speak.
But before she can begin to say what she wants to, to try and explain herself, the door opens. Diego steps out and envelopes her into a deep embrace.
“You’re back!”
She winces back from the now unfamiliar touch of her husband, cursing her body for craving the comfort of the man standing next to her. She turns, trying to catch his eye, trying to convey everything she wishes she had said when she had the time to.
“We are.”
“Good, yeah. We were starting to get worried. You hadn’t checked in, it’s been a couple of hours. I missed you.” He talks into the side of her neck, squeezes her tighter as he says the last few words. They hadn’t talked about this, not really. Figured out exactly how to explain where they had been, why they’d been out of contact.
“You did?”
“Yeah, I mean, why wouldn’t I?” His words are disarming, but it’s been so long since she’d seen him, she struggles to try and remind herself of the man she knew seven years ago, the one standing in front of her now. She’d found it all too easy to walk away from him in search of a quick adventure for nostalgia’s sake. Because he was the same man who had slowly turned from her liferaft into the one who was pulling her under the waves with him. But how much of that was the passage of time, the alteration of memories that happens as you move on. Deleting all the small good things and only remembering the worst qualities. But she had loved him once, and being back for her children meant being a family.
“It’s just, I.” She pauses. “I can’t remember the last time you said that.”
“Sorry about that. That’s gonna change. Lots of things are going to change now.”
She wishes it could be true.
“Mom.” Grace’s soft voice cries from inside the door, and Lila feels her knees buckle as she staggers forward to embrace her. This was the reason she kept fighting for those first five years, why they kept pushing through, why the moment Five had shown her the book, her only instinct had been to run back. For this moment right here.
*****
Five
The rest of the family starts to arrive slowly, the pull of Christmas celebrations, even as part of this giant dysfunctional family, still real. Five sits quietly contemplating as his siblings argue around him. Luther explains how Victor was able to pull the durango from Ben and Jennifer, compress it back into a physical form that could be captured in the same way the Marigold had been, Allison adds to the story, fills in the blanks Luther forgets in his enthusiasm to tell the tale. It’s like the good old days Five thinks bitterly. Everyone returning to regale the rest of the group with all the details of their mission, forgetting that other people had their own stories too. Their own victories, casualties and everything in between.
“What’s with you?” Luther eventually turns and looks at him, Five realising belatedly he’d been waiting for a response. “You’ve barely said a word, Five. When does that ever happen?”
His eyes flick over to Diego and Lila, sitting together on the same loveseat. Diego kisses her hair softly and Five has to fight down the bile. Jealousy was a new emotion for him, something he’d never had to deal with until now. It didn’t suit his tendencies, just sitting and doing nothing, so he snaps back.
“It’s called thinking Luther, you should try it.” He wishes he had a coffee. Or something stronger.
“Hey!” Luther replies, sounding offended. Well good, that had absolutely been his intent. Half an hour back and he was already wanting to leave.
“Woah. Uncalled for.” Allison glares at him reproachfully.
“I do think, I think you’re an asshole.” Luther mutters under his breath.
“Grandpa’s not had his nap.” Klaus adds helpfully, and it’s enough to tip him over the edge. He didn’t want to be here, sat playing happy families with them all when for the second time in his too-fucking-long life he’d had to leave a timeline and leave the woman he… he stops the thought right there before he finishes it, clenching his fists.
“Can we not do this right now?” Allison asks, trying to keep the peace.
“No, you know what? Let’s do it. Right now.” He can feel himself rising to Klaus’ bait. Because that had to be the reason for every bad mood he had, some half baked joke about his age, actual or physical. His siblings went for the easy target every time and he was done with it.
Lila looks at him from across the room, her eyes trying to convey that she understands. “Five, it’s going to be ok.”
But it’s not, it’s really not. How could any of this possibly be ok? How can he sit here and pretend like nothing has happened, like he’s not pissed that they’ve managed to fix all of this while he was there fighting for his life with Lila. Sharing his life with Lila. The world has barely moved on and they spent seven years for what? He’s already up on his feet, frustrated and pacing. He wants to scream, but keeps the volume, if not his tone, controlled. “It’s not gonna be okay.”
Lila’s eyes show the hurt he knows she can see in his too, but it’s Diego who responds before anyone else.
“Oh, don’t talk to my wife like that man.” Diego stands, defensive and striding over to him. Idiot, complete idiot. He really had no idea and needed to keep his nose out of situations that no longer concerned him. “Not around here, not during Christmas.”
With all the fury he has raging just beneath the surface, Five squares up to him. The last few years have given him a few more inches in height, and he can see the surprise register on Diego’s face when the height difference between them is no longer what he expected it to be. He’s spoiling for a fight, taking a punch might just make all this feel a little bit better. And if he manages to land one on Diego, all the better for it.
“You gonna do something about it, fuckface?”
“Hey!” Diego’s exclamation isn’t the punch he was hoping for.
“Whoa, language.” Allison exclaims, looking pointedly to where Claire and Grace are sitting in front of the TV.
Diego regards him coldly. “Yeah, I’m gonna k-i-c-k your a-s-s my boy.”
Boy. Of course. There goes that easy punchline, when it came to equality he was always going to be the youngest sibling. Might as well play into it and go for the cheap shot. “Mmm, looks like somebody passed the first grade.”
“Hey, both of you need to stop, okay?” Lila rushes forward and stands between them, forcibly separating them with a firm push of her hand against his chest. He takes a step back, shaking his hair from his eyes and still levelling a glare at Diego. The warmth of her hand through his shirt sits at the point just over his heart, and it takes all his energy, all his fury not to sink into her touch. Just hours earlier they’d woken up with her hand in the same position, carelessly thrown across his chest while she slept. That felt like it could have been a whole lifetime ago. It was a whole other lifetime ago. Her eyes catch his, and he wonders briefly if the same thought is on her mind. Of the nights they’d spent tangled together in the soft cotton of their shared bed, her hands in his hair as she sighed his name against his neck before waking up together.
“What’s that?” Diego interrupts his thoughts and Lila snaps her head towards him,
“What’s what?”
“That thing on your wrist. You hate bracelets.” He pulls her sleeve up just enough to fully reveal it, the obvious handiwork that had gone into it.
The day he’d finally given it to her was crystallised in his mind. One of those key moments in life that you take the time to remember, to make sure you take the mental snapshot. It had been weeks of scavenging enough spare metal to be able to make it. He’d been careful, making sure she wouldn’t notice what he was working on. Pieces of wire leftover from snares, the bits of copper he was able to lift from the electrical systems in the defunct areas of the subway station. All secreted away, then carefully hammered, heated until they were malleable and woven together. Stolen moments when he was out hunting, his scavenged kit tucked inside a hollowed out tree root a few yards off one of their day to day trails. Protected from the weather by the leather pouch he’d fashioned for it all. When the idea had first crossed his mind, he’d wanted something grander. But he was, like many things in their life now, limited by the nature of their circumstances. So he’d carefully woven copper through steel, worked the metal over and over until it followed the curve he intended it to. Spent hours polishing each piece until it had a soft luminosity, capturing the light and diffusing it softly.
He’d planned to do something over dinner, something more elaborate, even catching a couple of rabbits so he could make them a proper meal. It had been weeks of preparation, and now it was ready, he was sure he could wait a few more days for the right moment. But when he’d arrived back at the house to find her in the conservatory, he couldn’t help himself. Being here suited her, suited both of them really. No-one would have guessed that the two most chaotic brains in the universe could be so easily quieted by the simple domesticity of the life they were now living. The constant awareness they needed when they were in the tunnels had taken a couple of weeks to fully wear off, to allow themselves to put time and energy into things that weren’t just about surviving. Now, months later, she was happy, relaxed even. The sleeve of the cardigan she’d claimed as her favourite falling just off her shoulder, exposing the soft sunkissed skin there. He wanted to sink his teeth into her, to savour the moment forever, instead he knelt in front of her and offered her his gift. It wasn’t quite what he wanted it to be, but this would have to do for now. Because the question he really wanted to ask would have meant the acceptance they were never going to be able to return, the finality of their situation, of knowing they were never going to be able to make it back. So instead of a ring, he balanced on one knee and presented her with a bracelet.
The bracelet that Diego was now staring at, holding Lila’s arm with a tight grip just above her wrist.
“No, I don’t.” She murmured, freeing her arm and protectively wrapping her hand around it as Diego reached to look more closely at it.
“Yeah, you do. I gave you one for Valentine’s day. You traded it for a Dyson vacuum.” He reaches for her arm again, trying to inspect it more closely. Five felt himself half step forwards, not able to stop himself soon enough. Diego’s eyes snapped up to him, realisation clear behind them. He couldn’t help the smirk that he knew painted his features.
“Wait. Did you give her this?”
He hears the gasps of his siblings on the sofa, watching the three of them like they’re some kind of halftime show. He doesn’t answer, thrusting his hands onto his hips and leaning backwards.
“Answer the question Five.”
“I made it.” He admits. Fuck it. It was all going to come out soon, might as well get everything out in the open sooner rather than later.
“For her?”
“Well I sure as hell didn’t make it for you.” He brushes the hair out of his face and avoids looking at Lila, worried just a touch too late about the impact this might have on her.
“Is.” Diego stutters once. “Is something going on between you two?”
He can see Allison grabbing Luther’s arm, Klaus looking shocked. No-one could have seen this coming. Hell, he hadn’t seen this coming. Not at first. When he refuses to answer, Diego looks to Lila.
“Diego.” Her response is heartfelt and quiet.
“Holy shit!”
“I didn’t see that one coming.” The crows of his siblings behind him, but he’s not looking at them, he’s watching Lila.
“Holy shit. I was right. The book club. All this time. I knew you were cheating on me with…”
“I wasn’t cheating.” Lila interrupts firmly. Clearing her throat as everyone turns to look at her. “At least, not when you thought I was.”
Five shakes his head at her phrasing. They hadn’t been cheating at all. Not really. They were stuck in a different world, no, a whole different timeline. Two people lost together at the end of the world. They’d left their old lives far behind them. To call it cheating sullied everything they had built, everything they felt. Diego is all white hot fury, and Five braces for the hit that still never comes.
“Did you s-k-r-e-w my wife?”
“Screw is spelled s-c-r-e-w.” Grace pipes up innocently from her seat on the floor in front of the TV.
Lila grabs Diego, pulling him away from Five, sitting down again when she speaks. “Five and I.” Diego scoffs as she refers to them as a couple, but a look from her stops him in his tracks. “We’ve been lost. In a subway.”
“Yeah, you think I’m going to buy that bullshit?” He spits angrily.
“She’s telling the truth, all right. We got lost. We couldn’t find our way back.” It was my fault he wants to add, I shouldn’t have let her persuade me to run off like we did. But he can’t. Not yet.
“We were searching for seven years Diego.” Her voice cracks. “We were moving from timeline to timeline. We had no idea what we would find. We were chased, attacked, shot at. I never stopped trying to find a way home.”
They hadn’t, and those first few years had been hell because of it. Lila had been relentless in her battle to get back home again. But it was a constant exhausting nightmare of trying to navigate the subway system that appeared to have no rules, no logic, no meaning. Even with the map, they might as well be flipping a coin to decide where to try each day. A coin with infinite sides, never linked to where they had been before. He’d been ready to give up much earlier than she had. Accept their fate, stay in one of the quieter timelines and try and work the problem from there. But she was determined to keep moving, determined that the next station would be the right one. The one that would lead them home.
“But I got tired. I had to stop running. That’s when it happened.” The whole room is hanging on her words, but she’s only talking to Diego. Five already knows this story, and while Diego deserves an explanation, the possessive part of him wants to keep it for them. No-one else.
“Do you love him?” The silence that follows is deafening.
“Diego, now’s not the…”
“Do. You. Love. Him?” He’s louder, more emphatic this time.
“Diego.” Allison’s voice quietly cuts across the space, reminding the three of them they have an audience. Five rubs his hand down his face and steps back.
“No. No!” Diego shouts, the silence around the room almost as deafening as his raised voice. The eyes of everyone in the room were on them, waiting for whatever was about to happen next.
Allison stands and puts her hand on his arm, glancing over to where his in-laws are watching, open mouthed and agape from the kitchen.”Maybe you three need to discuss this in private." She amends as he looks at her with a hard stare. "Two. You two."
“It’s fine. I’m leaving.” Five makes the call. He was never going to be the good guy in this situation, there was no quick explanation that justified the headline he knows the others have running through their heads. He’d slept with his brother’s wife. Worse still, he’d fallen in love with her. He stalks across the carpet, scooping his shoes up from where he’d been forced to abandon them on the way in, and storms out the door with them still in his hand. He hears her voice echo behind him as he slams the door shut.
“Five….”