Chapter Text
“Jihoon, naaawa ka lang. Naaawa ka sa akin, sa kwento ko at sa kung paano ko itinaguyod ang sarili. Naaawa ka sa mga nabasa mo sa journal ko, Jihoon hindi yan pagmamahal―”
“Hindi 'to awa, oo, nasasaktan ako para sayo–noon o ngayon, pero hindi ako naaawa sayo, if anything, actually I’m humbled by you, the way you won everything life has thrown at you! I am, in awe. I am proud of you, you may not take this from a nobody in your life but, I am for my life, so so proud of what you have become. And this is pure adoration. I am sorry but you cannot be the one to tell me what I feel, nobody. You may question my love for you if that’s how you see me but I am not that dumb to not know to what and for whom it is. I must take my leave na lang, Kuya. Once I cleared my mind, I’m going to make it up to you. I am sorry for this outburst. I’ll call you a taxi and rest na lang muna.”
“…Clear your mind off of this human garbage na lang, Jihoon.” Jihoon tries to attempt playing the act of not hearing it. Hugging his bags to his chest to leave, not forgetting to place a kiss on the smaller’s temple along with the comforting yet sweet brushing of his hand to the owner’s soft locks.
Jihoon fought himself to think that the fast heartbeats he felt in that quick motion were due to the argument and not because of him softening the heart of the older... Jihoon, be serious for once.
Years later after he met Siwoo in a national competition as math contenders of their respective schools, Siwoo managed to capture the heart of the younger- the younger heart of Jihoon who was able to get on the same level as he is, accelerating to match their year, even almost winning against him. Now, Jihoon wondered if it will be like that forever, him trying to win after and against Siwoo’s heart.
Siwoo hated the idea. The whole thought of having someone waiting for him, liking him, doing things for him–all his life, he was all he had but then Jihoon came―on the first day of his life as a freshie. Without thinking twice, came into the picture eyesmile never fading at each, with pure ease displaying on his proud face as he puts one arm around Siwoo’s shoulder and one arm with flower.
“Oh, Jihoon, you fell on the trap.”
Both Siwoo and the people around the two of them, mutters along with the sigh that could fill a whole balloon to burst–popping hard with the vanishing illusions that maybe, maybe Siwoo is just as worthy as how Jihoon feeds him mind, but Siwoo was never here for all that.
He who came a long way, building himself, making the whole table himself so he can present himself like an unwanted, unappreciated art in the middle of a museum of paintings being the one sculpted one in the place.
All his life he felt like that, with all the scrutinizing eyes of his relatives as they compare him to his world-renowned, world-approved brother of a Football player, Heungmin, while his younger stepbrother Raesung, the prodigy, who is earning millions producing music under a huge entertainment company and him being the only one still lost of whichever path there is to take.
Lost.
He really has the guts to get lost...
He’s feeling sick in his stomach as he watches Jihoon’s big steps just to get out of this place. The way his steps were looking light and huge makes Siwoo’s head spin, “He must have been really eager to leave this very suffocating place. He must have been fed up of me. Lucky for him, he can leave.”
He mouthed, continuous like a prayer, silent but full of hope.
Soon enough his phone started ringing, but his vision was blurred by the heavy falling of each raindrop to his phone, an unknown number, fingertips wet and he swipes to answer.
Jihoon was the first one to leave the court and Siwoo badly wishes for them to never meet again, but Jihoon was sure that none of Siwoo’s pleads were answered the way he appeared on Siwoo and Kiin’s shared dorm a week later.