Work Text:
Promise that you’ll hold me close
Don’t let me go
Take my heart don’t break it
Love me to my bones
All this time I’ve wasted
You were right there all along
You and I stargazing
Intertwining souls
We were never strangers
You were right there all along
******************
Inej still had a Suli wanderers heart.
As a child, that mean traveling the routes of ravka and northern Shu Han.
Then, traveling the rooftops of Ketterdam.
After the Ice Court and the Auction, it was sailing the seas, fighting slavers.
But the Suli didn't believe in permanent Structures. Home was were your heart was.
Now home looked like the Kerch boy laying in a swaying meadow, back against an Ox, while the large beast snoozed in the late Summer Ravkan Night. The stars were bright, and the moon was waning.
She remembered her first return to Ketterdam after The Wraiths maiden voyage with Inej as captain. She had felt solidified in her purpose as she saw the Ketterdam. She hoped Kaz would be waiting for her, but she hadn't wanted to assume. She'd felt another surge of hope when she'd spotted him at Berth 22, waiting sans coat and gloves. It would be another few trips back before they were comfortable enough to hold hands without effort.
Two years after the Ice Court, she'd been back in Ketterdam for the winter season, her and Kaz sitting quietly in his room in the Slat.
He'd upgraded his bed while she had been gone, no longer the narrow mattress but a larger, more spacious one. She knew he had no expectations when it came to bedroom discussions, neither of them had been able to even consider it at that point.
But he'd wanted to give her a comfortable place to spread out, if she wanted to stay with him instead of Wylan and Jesper. And she had stayed with him, accidentally more often than not. On particularly cold days, when Kaz was still at the Crow Club, The Silver Six, or working on various other Dregs related things, Inej would work on organizing intel at the Slat. She'd dozed off more than once, and awoken hours later.
Kaz never woke her when he returned. Sometimes he would be at his desk, gloveless, flipping through papers quietly. Sometimes she would catch him reading, or scheming. Her favorite times to wake up were when he was also snoozing, his leg propped on the bed, head tilted to the side. He looked less sharp in his sleep. He'd never looked his age, his edges sharpened by the events of this life. But in sleep, he looked like the 19 year old he was.
It was that winter, after a particularly long day, and a successful heist, seeing him look exhausted at his desk, she'd patted the bed and told him to join her. He'd turned the slightest bit pink at his ears, but heeded her request. They'd fallen asleep next to each other, hand in hand.
The following Spring when she'd set sail, destined for Ravka, he'd gone with her. He'd spent two weeks with her and her family's caravan before they returned to the Ravkan capital. Kaz and King Nikolai had apparently still been in contact, and they had been invited to a state dinner.
On the return trip to Ketterdam, late at night on calm waters, They'd been lounging above deck,near the wheel, still awake after most of the crew had gone to bed. Kaz had been sitting on the railing. bolstered by the success of their trip, she’d gotten the courage to peck him on the cheek. He'd looked so stunned, but had taken her face into his hands and kissed her properly. He wasn't very good at it, but he learned quickly.
That first voyage they'd talked, he'd told her of the farm he'd been born on. The first magic trick he'd seen as a child, and how he'd practiced In the mirror for hours. He'd told her a couple of stories about Jordie, and how he felt he was forgetting what his voice had sounded like.
Between stories of the things they had experienced, had been punctuated with prolonged kisses. If the nights were calmer, and the boat more steady, they could relax in Inejs bed. Rougher waters made contact out of the question, the rocking sensation and ocean spray too familiar a feeling on his skin .
She'd been sad to leave him in Ketterdam after that trip. She'd grown used to his presence again, and found she rather craved the close quarters. But he'd told her he would be waiting for her when she returned.
He always was.
Six years to day he'd first met her, they were on a job that had required them to lay low. The Dregs had been assigned various tasks of making it look like Kaz had been out of the city, a bait and switch for an up and coming barrel boss who Kaz had decided need to learn his lesson.
They'd been in a hotel suite, one not nearly as fancy as the Geldrenner. It would be another day before they could leave the building, and both were going a little stir crazy.
Kaz had been in the bathroom, double Checking a particular nasty cut he'd had Inej stitch for him the week prior. It had been healing well. She could see him through the cracks in the door, bare chested, the Crow and Cup tattoo on his forearm, the R on his bicep.
His torso was littered with old scars, and while he wasn't particularly muscular, but no one could have mistaken his build for weak.
She was particularly transfixed on his stomach muscles, as he prodded at the line of stitches.
She hadnt know what had possessed her to join him in the bathroom, her feet confidently carrying her to his side. He rarely initiated contact between them, but always reciprocated enthusiastically.
Brazen in a way she'd never thought she'd feel, she'd kissed him deeply. They'd shared many kisses, small ones, passionate ones. This kiss had been like drinking her favorite peach kvas. The way Kaz had cradled the back of her neck, to deepen it further, his other hand on the small of her back.
She had been drunk on the feeling of his mouth, the way his chest had felt on her finger tips. Each kiss was deep, each breath shared. She'd thought she'd burn in her own skin when he'd began to kiss his way down her neck, warmth beginning to pool low.
When he'd reached the hollow of her throat, his tounge trailing, she'd moaned. She'd felt his grin on her skin, before he recaptured her mouth, and maneuvered her until her back was against the counter top. The hand on her back slid down farther, cupping her ass before lifting her fully onto the bathroom counter, his mouth never leaving hers.
This was a side of Kaz Brekker she had not yet seen, but only glimpsed. This was the man who never let others see him vulnerable, who did feel attraction but mastered himself so it never showed.
Kaz Brekker was between her legs, deft hands trailing lazy patterns from her knees to her hips, his mouth possessive on hers.
It was intoxicating. Her body felt alive in a way it never had before. Her core was pulsing and she left like she might burst from her skin if he didn't get closer. Inej had pulled him flush against her, the sensation of him, hard in his trousers against her center had made her gasp against his mouth.
He'd frozen and made to pull away, a worried look in his face. He'd always been conscientious of her limits.
“Don't stop please, please” She begged. His face had turned feral after only another moments pause. They'd crashed back together, him groaning at the friction of him between her legs. Her hands roamed down his chest, and up his back.
When she'd made to remove her shirt, she'd fumbled the buttons, and he'd taken over, his deft lockpicks hands undoing each button with ease. She'd had to place his hands on her hips, and slid them under her overshirt before he moved to remove it from her shoulders.
As he pulled the overshirt from her body, He'd taken advantage of her leaning back to place more attention on her throat, kissing His way down her chest. Her hands had flown to his hair, and where his mouth was placed just above her breast he nipped the skin.
Inej was on fire. She desperately wanted him, now, she wanted him physically. The sensation was new to her. It was also terrifying.
He body had been used by men who wanted a poor imitation of this feeling.
But if she said stop, she knew he would. Kaz would stop touching her the instant she asked.
She did not want Kaz to stop touching her. She wanted his hands on her bare skin. All over her bare skin.
But Kaz had made no move to divest her of her undershirt, or pants. His own were still secured on his hips. Then it hit her.
Kaz hadnt been physical before, not in this way. At 21, he had never undressed someone for pleasure, the way most people she knew had bragged about before they were 18. His body had been a prison of pain, and giving and taking pleasure was unexplored territory.
Her body had been used for pleasure, but she'd never used it for her own. She wanted to take it back.
They were both breathing hard when she pushed him away enough to see his face.
His pupils were dilated, blown wide. His tea colored Irises nearly swallowed by the black. His lips were swollen, and he look positively disheveled, cheeks flushed. Inej felt a smugness in the fact that she had done this to him.
She searched his eyes, amid their labored breathing.
“Do you want this?” She’d asked him, taking one of his hands in her own.
“I want you, Inej. I want you.” He had replied, his mouth hovering over hers.
His breath mingling with hers was like opium, and when he nipped at her bottom lip she groaned and closed Her eyes.
She felt his hands go around her waist, felt his thumbs slide beneath her undershirt. He kissed his way up her neck, his tongue darting out as his lips trailed against her Jaw.
“May I?” He'd whispered against he skin. His hands trembling.
“Yes” She breathed.
His hands tightened on her waist, before slowly lifting the hem of her shirt. He'd leaned back, panting hard as he lifted it higher, over her chest and head.
As the shirt hit the floor, they paused. Kaz was searching her face, and she found she was transfixed by his eyes. They looked wild, and yet she knew his gaze.
He was looking at her the way he did when they had accomplished something particularly tricky. His attention fully on her. She'd always liked That look.
That look being directed at her, while he was between her legs, well that did something else fo her entirely.
His hands returned To her waist, and she took the opportunity to follow the lines of his chest and stomach with her own. His eyes tracked the movement, his stomach muscles spasming under her fingers. His breathing hitching.
Working her hands down, his breathing entirely stopped when she palmed his belt buckle, his eyes flying back to hers.
“May I?” She whispered. He'd swallowed hard, and nodded. But when she'd made to undo It, he'd stopped her.
“I…. Let me do it.” His voice had been strained. She wondered how he was faring, how his panic with skin to skin contact was. It rarely struck with her now. It had been a while since her own had as well. His touches seeming to banish it away.
After a momentary pause, he leaned forward and kissed her again. She heard the buckle click, and together they pulled it from the loops, it joining her shirts on the floor.
His hands trailed up her stomach, leaving trails of ice and fire in their way, before Toying with the tie of her half stays. She had never favored full cupid style stays many of the Kerch did. Women of Ravka has a similar style. But the Suli, half stays tied in the front, allowed for fuller mobility of their abdomens.
“May i?”
“Yes”
Foreheads bent together. He pulled on the tie, releasing it. Together they pulled the string from the eyelets, loosening them until her breasts were bared to him.
She suddenly felt nervous then As he traced the line from her abdomen, up between her breasts and up her neck.
They both watched the progress of his fingers, and their eyes met as his fingers danced the line of her lips.
His eyes were the most open she'd ever seen them. She'd grown to love the man who wore a near Permanent scowl. But staring into his face, as his eyes searched her for any signs of her wanting to stop, as his gaze slid from one side of her face to the other, then down to her lips before returning to her eyes. She wanted to consume this man.
“Go on, finish the story” She whispered.
Those words of their ages past, seemed to crash through him, like a piece of their puzzle had snapped in place.
Then his mouth was on hers again, his kiss desperate, she met him in turn. He pulled the stays from her shoulders, as she wrenched the buttons of his trousers open, hands splaying across his hips, part of his skin she'd never felt before. She felt old scars, and as her hands wandered, they lightly ran along the length of him.
His reaction, to jerk into her hands, a choked groan into her mouth, made her more daring.
She knew how to please a man, in an entertainers sense.
She'd broken every rule she'd learned in hell, in this bathroom.
Kaz was shaking as her hands pushed his trousers down his hips, his breath coming hard.
“Inej, tell me to stop.”
His hands were on the buttons of her own pants, his thumbs inside the waistband.
“I don't want you to stop.”
He groaned as he undid her the buttons, as she hooked her legs around his knees, pulling them flush together.
His arms went around her, then lower until his hands were underneath her ass. Keeping her mouth occupied, he lifted her up off the counter.
Her legs tightened around him by instinct, their hips flush together. He was hard against her center, even through the layers of clothing still remaining. She wanted nothing more than for him to remove her pants and underclothes, and for him to remove his own.
She had once thought she would be scared to bring physical pleasures into her life again. But held aloft by Kaz, there was no fear, only anticipation, and the overwhelming desire to get closer.
Using her toes, she pushed his trousers the rest of the way down his legs. He stepped out of them quickly. His hands tightly gripped under her thighs, and her arms thrown over his shoulders, he carried her out of the bathroom.
She was about to protest the bed, when he deposited her on the bedrooms writing desk, using his hands to push papers, pens and things on to the floor.
He kissed her deeply, laying her down atop the desk. His hands went to her unbuttoned trousers, the tips of his deft fingers tickling her abdomen.
“Tell me Stop, Inej.”
“I don't want you to stop Kaz”
He'd groan as he kissed her then quickly pulled her trousers off her hips, and off her legs in a quick motion. He was back between her legs before her pants had hit the ground, his mouth on her abdomen. His lips nipped, and sucked their way up. Her eyes closed at sensation, and she moaned, back arching up, when his mouth closed around her breast, his tongue darting and teasing.
“Sa-aints” She breathed.
Her skin felt tingly, a knot of anticipation coiling between her legs. With just their underclothes between them, she could feel the hardness of him, his warmth. His hips shifted, his length shifting against her. The sensation increased the heat at her core, and Kaz moaned, switching his attention to her other breast.
One hand in his hair, she used the other to feel the expanse of his back. She shifted her hips, drawing from him a noise she very much wanted to hear again.
He pulled back to search her gaze again.
“Tell me to stop.” His eyes were heavy lidded with desire, pupils blown wide. His lips swollen, hair mussed by her hands.
She wondered how she must look to him. Did he see how much she desired? Were her own cheeks flushed, her own lips swollen?
“I don't want you to stop.”
Together they made quick work of their underclothes, until they were entirely bare before each other. Kaz slotted between her legs, his pale length against Her bare center.
His abdomen had a line of black hair that ran from his belly button down The expanse of his pelvis. She'd been fascinated by that line on more than one occasion.
She needed him to move, and made to move her hips, but he gripped them firmly.
“Are you sure?” Kaz would not do this with her unless she was. Even now, he'd shut down his desire If she said no. He would not take from her anything she didn't freely give.
So Inej had sat up, and kissed him slowly.
“Yes, I'm sure. Volím Tè.”
Kaz had deepened the kiss then, his hips rocking against hers. She was so wet he slide against her easily, pleasure shooting to her core.
“Volím Tè, inima mea.”
His suli was terrible, but she'd had no idea he'd been practicing. She kissed him deeply, and angled her hips, and when he'd rocked against her, the head of him pushed against her entrance.
His moan was intoxicating, and as his hips jerked against her, He slipped inside of her. The sensation of their contact making them both gasp.
Kaz was shaking around her, holding himself as still as he could. Inej needed him to move.
When her eyes met his, she realized he had frozen to check himself. This first time would not be a long drawn out coupling. He was steadying his breathing, trying to draw this out.
When his heart rate had dropped, and his breathing evened, he'd kissed her again. And then pressed into into her. And In, and in.
Inej was seeing stars. Kaz was impossibly hard inside her. Kaz was saying her name like a chant, and when she kissed him, disrupting the Chant He moved, withdrawing from her before sliding back in.
Each inch of him, and each thrust of him into her core, made her core tighten. There was pressure building, the sensation like intense like cold fire, leaving her craving more movement, more of him against her, inside her.
Kaz was breathing hard, his lips kissed the junction of her neck. One deft hand was in her hair, the other on her hip, as he moved inside her. As her hands trailed up his stomach, his hips bucked into hers, and the shift in movement drew a moan from her.
Kaz pulled back just enough to see her face, and bucked his hips into her again. The sensation was more intense this time, that intense pressure insistent with this new angle. She couldn't help the moan as he repeated the motion, his eyes fixed on her face.
Kaz's face was open, his eyes heavy lidded with his own pleasure, and the the look his was giving her…
This was a new kind of scheming face and she liked it.
Almost as if he had realized he had been caught, he doubled down his efforts, his hips moving against hers quicker, his length inside her hitting that spot that was going to… she was going to….
Her body felt unbearably tight, and his mouth found hers again in an Intense kiss, sharing her breath. As he pulled away, she bit his lower lip. His breathy gasp against her mouth was her undoing.
The stars exploded from her core, her mind went blank as pleasure raced through her, aided by the stutter of his hips. She heard and felt Kaz moan, but could only hold onto him as the stars raced down her limbs.
As the world around her came back into focus, she realized Kaz had a death grip on her hips, his head buried in her neck. His legs were shaking and his hips had stilled between her legs. She felt the evidence of his own release between them.
Both of them were breathing heavily. After a moment Kaz lifted His head from her neck. His pupils were still dilated, his face flushed. His hair was mussed. Inej looked for any sign he might need space, but his face showed no signs of his ghosts. Only a look of wonderment.
His hands released her hips, and he trailed his fingers up and down her arms. His forehead against her own.
“Kaz.”
His eyes moved up to meet hers, and as His fingers trailed over her hands, she threaded them together.
“Kaz, we did it.”
“We did it.” He echoed.
And then they started laughing. It had been a triumphant laugh, a joyous laugh.
Their demons had not been conquered, But banished enough and long enough to allow them this physical intimacy they Hadn't known if they'd be able to share. This sense of normalcy.
Inej often remembered that first full coupling these days. Usually when she and Kaz were tangled in meadow grass.
Ravka suited him, she thought. Over the last three months they had been amongst the Suli Caravans, he'd lost the purple bruises under his eyes. His skin was flushed and tanned from the Ravkan summer Sun.
This summer was an experiment. Kaz had known his time as the Bastard of the Barrel would need to come to a close. He'd swindled his way into owning nearly the entire Barrel, and half of Kerch. A decade at the Top, and he'd begun to get bored.
With how big an empire he ran, he couldn't feasibly run all of it on his own. His lieutenants each had their own territory to run. His wealth exceeded that of the Merchant Council and despite the improvements in locks and security measures, Kaz had stolen more things twice, just to prove he could. Once, he'd sold the DeKappel to a wealthy man, stolen it after the man had claimed it was under strict lock and key, then returned it a week later for no other reason, than he could.
Kaz had told her the year before, that he was putting things in place, that would allow his empire to continue, sans him. He wanted to travel with her more. They were only couple years away from their thirties, and his own business wasn't what was most important to him.
That conversation had made her wonder, if a normal life might be truly possible for them.
They had discussed the possibility of children occasionally. Neither of them were sure if it was a path they wanted, and discussion of them would need to be revisited soon.
Kaz still struggled with touch. She still had nightmares. The world was changing rapidly.
Her ship, while having been a loyal vessel Was showing it's age. It was no longer an advanced ship, and with threats above and below, was increasingly at a disadvantage.
There would be a big change soon. She needed to adapt to a different time, a time where Kaz was at her side during more than shore leave.
A new era.
A new ship.
A new career.
A new home.
But, Tonight, they are on the plains of Ravka. Dressed in ceremonial clothes.
Tomorrow they would be wearing red wedding Clothes. Their own wedding clothes.
And beyond that…. They would just have to wait and see.
But tonight, she would sit with Kaz in the meadow grass. Tonight they would lounge on the open and take in the stars.