Chapter Text
The final class of the year ends with a cacophony of closing textbooks. Except for one textbook.
Megumi doesn’t look up from his history textbook, staring down at the final unit of the class and the overly-enthusiastic conclusion paragraph to a year’s worth of reading. The lightheartedness is carried over to his classmates, all cheering for the beginning of a summer break and from school.
Even the weather seems to be celebrating, a perfect sunny day without any clouds past the heads of his cheering classmates and past the window panes. The sky was only partly visible past the skyline of the city, hidden behind skyscrapers and luxury apartment buildings.
He can’t quite find it in himself to match their enthusiasm. Even trying to muster up a single smile feels too disingenuous, too placating.
Some of his classmates are already shoving papers and books into their backpacks, rushing to leave as soon as possible.
“First year of high school,” One of them starts, then others join in the cheer. “Done!”
“Don’t forget your summer reading!” Their teacher tries, nobody is listening or even seems to notice he spoke at all, the words falling onto unhearing ears of a classroom full of fifteen year olds ready to leave school for the summer.
Slower than usual, Megumi slowly closes his history textbook without making a sound. His hand rests on the worn paper cover for a moment, strangely feeling that maybe he didn’t appreciate that slightly torn corner held together by semi-clear tape enough this year.
Someone stops by his desk, leaning against it hard enough that it shifts the wobbly legs. They went to middle school together, but Megumi would not consider them close. “You excited for summer break?”
Is he? Megumi doesn’t think so.
“You don’t seem excited,” He says, even though Megumi never said anything. “Come on, relax! We’re on break now. Some of us are going for ice cream to celebrate, you coming too?”
Megumi shakes his head, finally putting his textbook into his backpack. “I have to go home.”
He sighs, pushing off the desk and walking over to a large group of the boys in their class, all of them waiting by the door. They always hang out together, sometimes they have invited Megumi, but he always had to say no.
“You’re missing out!”
Megumi finally stands up, still too slowly compared to his classmates around him.
“It’s just how he is,” One of them says, laughing. “He loves class. He’s probably moping that school is over for the summer. It’s not like we won’t be going back in the fall.”
Megumi looks down at his desk, hand still resting and waiting on the edge of an old desk that’s been used by hundreds of students over the years. It leaves a slightly bitter pang of wishful thinking when he finally reaches for his backpack and picks it up off the floor.
Finally, he puts on his backpack—an old worn down blue one he and Tsumik found for cheap at some second hand store when he started middle school. It had lasted him until now.
Someone snickers a little, his voice lower. “Yeah, just give him a second to mourn over school ending.”
Everyone else laughs at that, yet he can’t even find it in himself to feel offended. The group leaves the classroom in a big group, door slamming behind them. The classroom quickly becomes empty except for Megumi and his teacher, cleaning off the chalkboard diligently. He glances back at Megumi, who is still lingering by his desk.
“Did you need something, Fushiguro?”
Megumi shakes his head, pushing his hands into his pockets and away from his desk. Or what was his desk. It won’t be after today. “No. I’ll head home now.”
Megumi is opening the door, halfway through the doorway when his teacher says, “Have a good summer. I’ll see you this fall.”
Megumi hesitates, one hand resting on the door handle like he wasn’t going to leave or like he didn’t want to. “You too.”
With that, Megumi leaves the classroom for the last time and leaves the school building. It’s still bright and sunny outside when he steps onto the front stairs, overlooking the walkway up to the school. The air is warm, not too warm like it gets in the summertime, but a nice temperature. He can’t even bring himself to appreciate it.
The rest of the school is already gone or leaving quickly with smiles on their faces. Some parents are waiting in cars outside of the school, their children rushing to the back seats.
The excitement might as well be hanging in the air, ready for summer and no more school for months. Maybe even under normal circumstances he would also feel that way.
Megumi clenches his jaw, pushing past his thoughts and the ache in his chest. He walks away from the school, not allowing himself to glance back even once.
It’s a fifteen minute walk from school to where his dad, Tsumiki, and him all live. It has been a familiar path ever since the beginning of middle school, the same path along the old industrial district of the city. He’s heard people call it the old, worn down part of the city which makes sense now that he’s older.
It isn’t like the opposite side of the city where the shopping district and upscale, skyscraper luxury apartments have sprung up. The only mildly interesting thing on this side of the city is the university, sprawling out over blocks upon blocks, a constant of the city since its founding.
Megumi walks past one of the university lecture halls across the street, students pouring out of the double doors from some lecture none of them were paying attention to or even taking notes most likely. It seems like a waste of time to even go at that point.
Megumi shoves his hands into his pants pockets and walks faster, trying not to let his eyes linger on the building or the heavy textbooks the university students hold.
He tries to tell himself that the heavy feeling settling in his chest isn’t envy.
It isn’t.
He walks faster, further away from the university’s campus and students.
The buildings become more worn down, shabbier, or in need of an upgrade as the local news likes to say. More places and shops are closed here, empty buildings where local businesses used to be. Most of them are closed now, unable to compete with the prices of the big commercial stores across the city.
He can remember when the local bakery still used to be here, but the windows are plastered in Closed signs with busted in glass that covers the flooring inside. It’s been a long time since someone had a business there. He heard from someone at the bar that it’s supposed to be torn down next year for a new gym.
He turns a corner onto a smaller street and straight ahead is his dad’s bar.
Even across the street he can hear the raised voices inside, the smallest amount of the classic rock his dad tends to play in the background, and the shouts at the customers at whatever sports game is playing on the single TV.
The front of it is pretty normal looking. Just a normal brick building that matches the rest of the neighborhood, slightly worn down and dated looking. From here, he can see the side of it and the fire escape that zigzags down the brick siding.
And one big sign that says the Heavenly Restriction Bar .
Megumi takes a breath and walks across the street to it, dodging the couple cars passing by. The front door is slightly ajar, propped open with a half-broken brick that fell off some building like a decade ago. He pushes it open the green door covered in flaking paint and is immediately hit with the overwhelming nature of the bar.
The voices, shouting, music, and even the smell of spilled beer and alcohol mixing together in a mess. It’s also too warm inside, like it always is. Too many people packed into a small bar.
He pushes past a group of middle aged men shouting at the TV, then shouldering past some guy talking loudly into his phone to who sounds like his wife.
Finally, he makes it to the bar counter, even though every seat is taken. Directly across from the bar and along the wall are the booth stalls, most are empty right now but by later tonight they’ll be filled. Shoved in a corner there’s a pool table his dad managed to salvage from the side of the road some rich person tossed out a couple years ago.
And then behind the bar top is his dad, shaking some drink, eyes surveying the room at all times.
Megumi pushes past the people to get to the entrance behind the bar. Of course, his dad has probably already noticed him. His dad always notices things, a side effect of being paranoid probably.
Toji finishes drying a whiskey glass, putting it on the stack behind the bar top. “How was school?”
Megumi steps around the bar, tossing his backpack onto the spot on the floor he always leaves it. He shrugs and starts helping his dad. “Not much to say. It was the last day.”
Already the frequent customers are gathered at their usual tables or at the bar, already too loud. It seems too early for people to be day drinking, but after years of Megumi helping his dad at the bar he’s found out that some people are here all the time. They spend more time at a bar than wherever they live.
Toji glances at him once, a hard to read expression. But Megumi doesn't say much else, just goes to clean some of the used cups and glasses as quickly as possible.
He tries not to think too much about the conversation he had this morning with his dad.
Steadily throughout the night, it gets louder and louder in the bar. To the point Megumi wishes he could plug his ears or something, anything to make it quieter but he needs to be able to hear things like customers ordering drinks.
When Tsumiki comes down from their apartment above the bar for a minute, she seems to notice something is bothering him based on her cautious glances towards him. He doesn’t say anything though.
Finally, hours later, Megumi is able to take a short break.
Megumi takes his break like usual, stepping outside. It’s dark by now, the last bits of sunset fading behind skyscrapers that block the view. Along the side of the brick building is the fire escape, overlooking the street and alleyway, which has served as Megumi’s go-to break spot since his dad bought the bar years ago.
Megumi climbs partway up the fire escape, but not all the way up to the window that’s his and Tsumiki’s bedroom. It rattles a little bit under his weight but he’s gotten used to the sound.
So he sits there, holding the plastic bottle of water and watches the last bit of sunlight fade.
The last day of school.
The slight wind is warm, matching the increasing warmth over the past two weeks now that winter is over. Megumi sighs and leans forward, bracing himself with his forearms on his knees.
People walk along the street below, leaving from work or going to work for night shifts. It’s become a familiar sight with Megumi sitting in this spot almost every night since he realized he could climb onto the fire escape.
The squeak of the side door is familiar enough that Megumi doesn’t need to look down to know it. He also recognizes his dad’s footsteps coming up to the fire escape, stopping.
“Hey, kid.”
Megumi looks down, still holding onto the half-finished bottle of water. Toji looks up at him, expression just as unreadable as usual, even though Megumi has known him his entire life. His dad still has never become easier to understand, even as he got older.
Toji sighs. “I’m sorry, kid. I really am. But Shiu’s information is reliable. Means the old family is sniffing around.”
The old family.
A term he used to be terrified of as a child but now just makes him feel tired.
Megumi looks back at the skyline and the lights flashing at the top of buildings. The flashes used to keep him awake when they first moved to the city and away from the sparsely populated town they lived in before. “I know.”
Toji leans on the fire escape railing. “I don’t want you to have to drop outta school.”
“I know you don’t.”
“I can’t risk them finding you,” Toji says, shaking his head. “We’ll figure something out for you, I promise.”
Megumi chews at the inside of his cheek—a bad habit of his since he was little. “Will Tsumiki still be able to go to school?”
Tsumiki loves school, loves getting to spend time with her friends, and her teachers love her too. She should be able to still go, have something normal.
His dad doesn’t respond for a moment, like he is weighing his response. Though Megumi would prefer for him to say the most honest truth. “Yeah. The old family aren’t going to go after her. Cause she isn’t blood related.”
Megumi nods. That is what he assumed. “That’s good at least.”
Tsumiki should be able to stay in school, she shouldn’t lose that chance.
Toji huffs again. “Sorry, kid. It’s not fair to you. I know.”
Megumi doesn't respond besides a shrug. There isn’t much more to say. Whining or complaining won’t do him any good at this point, not when he knows the alternative. Even though knowing he won’t step foot in his school again is painful, a dull sort of pain he doesn’t want to look at for too long.
Despite all the inconsistencies in his life, school and learning had always been one thing that was the same. A reliable source of something else. Something other than stowing himself away in whatever place his dad had them living in for a time. Something other than avoiding people like they were diseased of the off-chance they might be connected to Toji’s old family.
He hears the squeak of the side door again, this time closing and his dad is gone.
Somehow, this bar had become more consistent than anything else Megumi can remember.
He sighs and takes another drink of the water.
Sitting here and moping isn’t going to change anything. Yet he cannot find it in himself to get up and go back inside. Not yet.
It seems the least he can do is give himself a few minutes.
It doesn’t take much longer before the side door squeaks and this time Tsumiki steps outside. She waits at the bottom of the fire escape for a moment, looking contemplative before she starts up the stairs.
“Megumi?” She asks, sitting down beside him. Her voice is cautious, probably worried given that Toji checked in on Megumi, which he rarely does. “Is everything okay? You were even more quiet than usual when you got home from school today.”
“I’m alright,” Megumi says, hoping she doesn't notice how his hand tightens on the water bottle or how his knuckles are more pale than usual.
“Are you sure?” Tsumiki sounds so legitimately worried now and Megumi can’t ever fully lie to her. Not to mention at some point she’ll notice Megumi isn’t attending high school in the fall. The last thing he would want is for her to be hurt that he didn’t tell her sooner.
“I’m not going back to school after the summer is over.”
“What?” Tsumiki leans forward, eyes wide and full of concern. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t really like it so much anymore,” Megumi says, though it’s a lie. He counts it as a good thing Tsumiki hasn’t seen the folder full of university flyers he’s been collecting and comparing and dreaming of since high school began.
“That doesn’t make sense,” Tsumiki insists this time. “I thought you liked school. Or it always seemed like you did.”
“It’s a nice break sometimes.” Megumi’s throat feels dry now even though most of the water is gone. “But I want to focus on more business stuff, so I can help my dad. And so I can take over the bar at some point.”
Tsumiki doesn't say anything this time, like she is milling over the words and if she believes Megumi. Even though none of what he said was true.
He hates lying, but he’s had to get used to it over the years. Lying was necessary when you were hiding.
“Do you want to take over the bar?” Tsumiki sounds doubtful, like she already expects to know the answer. “Does this…”
She trails off while some cars on the street below honk loudly at each other. Someone leans out their window to shout at the cars ahead of them in the evening traffic.
“Does it have something to do with your dad’s old family?” She finally asks. It’s more accurate than she knows.
The old family.
What a strange cover name to discuss the family’s actual name. As if saying the actual name would summon the family somehow, his dad almost seemed to believe it.
But Megumi doesn’t want her to be filled with guilt when she goes back to school this fall and Megumi doesn’t go with her anymore. She should be able to attend without worrying, without any regrets, or guilt because of Megumi.
He shakes his head. “Not really. I don’t really like school. Not to mention the other students aren’t great.”
Tsumiki furrows her brows now, still just so concerned for Megumi. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to quit and if it is your dad’s old family we can—”
Megumi shakes his head before Tsumiki can continue. “It’s alright. I want to help my dad.”
Tsumiki sighs. “I just thought you liked school. You always get excited about it, even homework .”
He did.
And he does still like it. He likes it much more than the loudness of the bar, the shouting of the customers, of the smell of beer and alcohol, or the constant smell of greasy food that never seems to disappear.
But, it’s more complicated now.
“School was a good distraction. But now that I’ll be sixteen soon, I can work at the bar for real and help my dad. He needs the help anyway.” Megumi hopes he sounds like he means it.
“Are you sure?”
“Of course.” There isn’t much of a choice at this point, not if his dad has made up his mind that it’s too dangerous for Megumi to go to school now. Not when there’s a potential constant threat that Megumi could be in danger every time he is at school now.
If anything, Megumi counts it as luck that Toji isn’t making them pack and leave the city overnight because of this. It’s happened before.
“Okay,” Tsumiki says, hesitantly. “I still don’t know if I agree, but if you want to then I won’t stop you. But also you can change your mind before school starts of course.”
“Yeah,” Megumi says, agreeing even though he won’t.
The traffic below gets louder, more crowded. It had been something that surprised him, coming to the city when he was eleven. How could someplace always be so loud? It’s impossible to hear the animals here, besides the occasional bird. Trees are far and few between with all of the concrete and metal.
Tsumiki stands up, dusting off her uniform. “If you change your mind, just know that it’s okay. It’s alright to change your mind.”
“I know.”
Tsumiki waits a moment longer, before sighing and walking down the creaking metal stairs. “Okay, just come back in soon. You should eat dinner soon.”
“I will,” He says, “I’m on break right now.”
She smiles at him then opens the squeaking door. Megumi makes himself return the smile, as awkward or forced as it may be. The door closes behind her and Megumi lets the fake smile fade as well. Now the only sounds are the never-ending noises of a city, cars, trucks, honking, and overlapping voices shouting at each other.
From the fire escape, Megumi can see the very top of the central university building. It’s an old, historic building made from reddish-pink painted façade, not as tall as the modern skyscrapers that popped up decades after it was built, but it’s clear it’s a special building.
Megumi used to sit here and think about what it would be like to see it as a student of the university, studying diligently and looking up at the top of the building with a sense of pride and accomplishment. He would bring his folder full of university flyers and handouts to the fire escape at night, pouring over the papers of fields of study.
It seemed pointless now. For a future that cannot be.
Megumi closes his eyes for a moment, willing himself to forget about the folder of flyers or the disappointment clouding his thoughts. He should have known it was just a pastime to think of that possibility, not with how his dad has been in the past.
Megumi should have known it wasn’t possible. So there really isn’t anyone to blame but himself in truth. It’s outside of his control now, so there isn’t a point in dwelling on it anymore.
So he pushes it from his mind and pretends like it doesn’t matter. Not anymore.
Megumi slides the glass of beer across the bar top with a practiced ease. “Here.”
The older guy grabs it eagerly, as if it isn’t his fifth one since he came into the bar two hours ago. He hasn’t moved from his seat since then. The guy doesn't even bother with a thanks before walking away, but Megumi doesn’t really expect him to. Not anymore.
The bar is crowded tonight, filled with familiar people that have been coming for years now, and some nameless people crowded in at the tables. It’s loud and crowded. Exactly the sort of place Megumi hates, but he’s been forced to get used to this after working at the bar daily.
He goes back to cleaning cups now. It’s easier to stay busy than to have enough time to stop and think too much. Thinking too much means he’ll think about how today is high school graduation and the fact Megumi is working in this bar instead of graduating.
Megumi scowls at himself and shoves away thoughts of school. It’s been years since he dropped out, it’s pointless to think about it now.
Toji moves behind him, grabbing some cheap whiskey for a customer. It’s a familiar scene, one he sees every day and night now. He works in the bar just as much as his dad ever since his first year of high school. If not more, since his dad sometimes helps Shiu with odd and end jobs.
He still can’t make himself like it.
A man slams a glass onto the counter, so hard Megumi can feel it shake the stacked glasses.
“Another one, kid!”
It’s what all of the frequent bar customers call Megumi for the most part, or at least the ones who are always too drunk to remember his actual name. And Megumi refuses to wear anything like a name tag either, no matter what some customers say. If they can’t remember it, then they shouldn’t be here.
Megumi shoots the man a glance, checking if he should be cut off by now. The guy leans forward. “Hurry it up, had a shit day.”
Megumi decides not to point out that the guy seems to have a shit day everyday.
Megumi takes the glass, trying not to cringe at how sticky the sides are from partially dried beer. “Keep talking like that and you won’t get anything.” Megumi says, turning around to the beer tap.
The guy, Megumi remembers his name as Takai, laughs half-drunkenly. “Don’t gotta be so mean. Your dad’s mean enough to everyone.”
Megumi could be meaner. If he wanted to be. But Tsumiki said that being too mean would scare away customers, so he tries. Most of the time. But sometimes the customers make Megumi want to rip out his hair or rip out their hair.
He puts down the newly filled glass of beer in front of Takai. “Doesn’t mean I have to be nice.”
Takai snorts, greedily grabbing the new glass of beer. “Might get more customers if you were.”
Megumi has to physically bite back his initial response. Instead he forces himself to say something slightly nicer. “Just drink your beer.”
Megumi goes over to the other side of the bar, grabbing some cups and glasses left by other customers. He moves to start washing them, when there’s a clattering of footsteps to his left and Tsumiki bursts out of the door that leads upstairs to their apartment above the bar.
“Hey, Megumi!” Tsumiki steps behind the bar for a moment to hug him for a short second. “I’m heading out for that special lecture my professor is forcing the whole class to go to. It’s two hours!”
Megumi nods, picking up a cloth to dry the cups. “Forcing you?”
“Yeah,” Tsumiki says while putting on her jean jacket. “If we don’t go we lose points on our next exam. That’s ridiculous and unfair if you ask me.”
Was it? She’s a student at a university, it’s pretty expected. Then he frowns at himself for thinking that and reminding himself that he is supposed to be supportive of Tsumiki getting a degree she wants. Not bitter.
So he nods along. “Yeah, that’s annoying.”
Tsumiki sighs, then looks around. “It’s busy tonight. Is your dad here?”
“He’s in the back, trying to sort out some paperwork stuff for the bar.” Someone across the bar gestures for Megumi to refill his cup and Megumi takes his glass to do that. This is the guy’s sixth glass. How he isn’t too full is beyond Megumi.
“Oh, I gotta tell him something,” Tsumiki says, craning her neck past some rowdy customers watching some game on the overhead TV. “Oh, Megumi, I meant to tell you this morning but you were busy. I’m looking at getting an apartment on Westin Street, near the university.”
Megumi stops moving, looking to Tsumiki now. “What?”
When did Tsumiki decide that? But even more importantly, why did she decide to move out?
His voice is almost too quiet to hear over the noisy customers and loud, drunk men cheering and screaming at the TV screen like it could hear them. Tsumiki still hears it though, turning towards him.
“Yeah. Since I got that assistantship with my professor, I have a housing stipend now. So I figured I should utilize it and make the most of my time at university.” Tsumiki is putting her wallet into her purse now and Megumi still can’t move. “That way you can also have the room to yourself!”
Megumi doesn’t care about that. He never has. They have almost always shared a room, ever since Tsumiki’s mom married Toji for that short time and before she left.
The door to the back of the bar swings open and Toji steps out, glaring down at the ledger. “Hey, kid. Can you take a look at this? Doesn't make any sense.”
He holds out the accounting ledger to Megumi, which he takes after a second. Sometime after his sixteenth birthday, Megumi started helping his dad with managing the bar and its finances. He’s familiar enough with it by now.
“Oh,” Tsumiki says, following behind Toji. “I needed to tell you something about my new assistantship at the university—” The rest of the conversation trails off as they go into the back. The door swings a couple of times before it stops moving.
Megumi looks down at the accounting ledger and the rows and rows of numbers.
When did Tsumiki decide to move out of their place? His very first instinct is to think it’s a horrible idea, dangerous even. But that voice sounds exactly like his dad’s voice, full of paranoia at someone finding out where they live, saying it’s safer to stay close to each other.
But is it even safe for her to do that?
His dad’s old family may be more quiet now, but that doesn't mean they’re gone.
Or maybe it is safe. Just only for Tsumiki.
“Hey, kid.” Takai says, leaning into Megumi’s space suddenly. “I asked for another beer. You gone deaf or somethin’?”
Megumi jerks backward, away from the offensive smell of beer and Takai’s bad breath. He scowls. “After this you’re gonna be cut off. I mean it. Also you still owe a two-hundred tab. I didn’t forget.”
Takai comes here almost daily, for most of the day. His tab builds almost too quickly for Megumi to keep track of. Where he gets the money from is a mystery considering he never seems to be working.
Takai huffs, rolling his eyes the same time he shakes his shaggy hair. “You’re such a hardass, kid. Lighten up a little, will ya?”
“No. Pay your tab.” Megumi refills the beer, putting it back down on the counter with a little too much force.
“Will ya cheer up and stop actin’ like a grumpy old man then?” Takai picks up his beer.
“No.” Megumi grabs a cup and starts drying it.
Tsumiki comes out of the backroom then, waving to Megumi with a smile. “Bye, Megumi! See you later tonight!”
Then she’s out the front door.
Something settles over Megumi, too much all at once for him to even start to identify. It’s not particularly pleasant either, a mess of confusing emotions that he normally ignores. Maybe the closest thing he can compare it to is helplessness.
Trapped even.
The rest of the night at the bar creeps by, slowly and painfully. And more than usual, he wants all of these people to leave the bar so he can be alone. It’s too busy for him to even step out for a short break or to catch his breath without someone loudly demanding a refill of their drink.
As the night slowly moves along and Megumi keeps thinking about a million things at once. Breaking his own rule of not overthinking.
Yet he keeps thinking it over and over again.
Tsumiki is moving away.
He never got to graduate.
Tsumiki is leaving.
Over and over. While he refills cups of beer and alcohol over and over again.
He just wants everyone to leave.
“Maybe stop being a bitch and you’d get a tip.”
Megumi’s head snaps up at that. The guy across the bar is not someone he recognizes. “How about you shut up before I kick you out, asshole?”
A couple people around them glance over to see what’s happening. Takai even rolls his eyes. “Come on, man. He’s Toji’s kid, you should know better.”
The guy who Megumi has definitely never seen before scowls at Megumi once. “I don’t know who that is. Doesn’t mean he can talk to a customer like that.”
Megumi has had enough for tonight. “And you’ve got about five seconds to shut up before I kick you out.”
The man makes a face, as if shocked Megumi had the gall to tell him something like that. “You’ve got some serious backbone to get attitude like that—”
The man doesn’t get to finish talking before Megumi grabs his half-cup of whiskey out of his hands, tossing out the contents. “Out of the bar. Now.”
The man looks at Megumi, shocked, hands up in the air. “Hey! I wasn’t done!”
“Don’t care. Get out before I kick you out.”
People are watching now, interested. Some of them are practically itching for a bar fight.
The man scowls now, furious even. He stands up, pointing a finger in Megumi's face. “I’m a paying customer!”
“I don’t remember you paying.” Megumi crosses his arms, frowning. “Get out. You’re causing problems.”
“You can’t talk to me like that.”
Megumi has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He has already had enough to deal with today alone, he does not need an entitled asshole trying to start a fight during the most crowded time of the night. The man doesn’t get to say anything else because the back door swings open, Toji stepping out with a glare already in place.
So Megumi lets his dad handle it this time. While Megumi knows he could have dealt with it, he didn’t feel very inclined to deal with an obnoxious asshole like that tonight.
When Tsumiki gets back late in the evening, when Megumi is cleaning up the bar for the evening and glances at the accounting ledger, he almost asks her about moving out. Almost.
But she sounds so excited.
And he reminds himself that he isn’t the only one who had to deal with his dad’s old family issues, of moving constantly, of avoiding normal life to stay hidden and unknown, of never getting too close with people in case they’re spies.
The old family isn’t even her blood relatives, after all. She only had to deal with this all because her mom happened to marry Toji for a short while.
Doesn’t she deserve a chance to be normal?
So he shoves down the quelling negative emotions, down and decides to truly leave it in the past.
Megumi picks up the folder, with nothing written on the front of it. He never needed to.
It’s stuffed full of papers, almost bursting out of the paper pockets. Each one is covered in notes, circles made with black ink of a pen he took from a teacher because he didn’t have anything else. Each handout and flyer and printed out website page so carefully tucked away for safekeeping, waiting to be used when filling out university applications.
He stares down at it, without opening it. Nothing inside of the ripped up folder has changed since his one year of high school. Nothing added, no new flyers or handouts, nothing removed either. It has stayed the exact same. A stagnant relic of a high schooler.
Sometimes, Megumi used to take it out and look at the handouts to refresh his memory. As though something would change and the possibility of university was a real, tangible thing again. It was like a dream he would think of something when the bar was too loud or he was sitting out on the fire escape, imagining a different path.
That only made it worse. Thinking about it made him remember all of the plans he wrote down and how those plans had to be left frozen in time in the mind of a fifteen year old.
Megumi tosses the folder into the trash can, landing with a solid thud on food waste and whatever else their alleyway neighbors threw in the metal bin. He waits a moment, ignoring the feeling that he was giving away something valuable to him. So he throws the bag of bar trash on top of it and walks away.
Thinking too deeply about the fact he cannot attend university while Tsumiki can will only drive him crazy, turn him bitter. He has nothing to be bitter about. This was always going to be the outcome of his life.
When Megumi walks in through the side door to the bar, his dad is leaning against the countertop. There is a more serious air around him than usual, not his usual feigned carefreeness.
“Hey, kid. Keep an eye out and be more cautious. Shiu said the old family’s been acting up.” Toji doesn’t glance up from his phone as he says this. “Said his guys saw some of them in the city over. Don’t be stupid or go out too much.”
“Okay,” Megumi says, shoving his hands into his pants pockets. “Been a minute since they’ve moved around.”
“You never know with them,” Toji says, putting his phone away now. “Apparently Shiu says there’s rumors they’re fighting with another family.”
Megumi washes his hands in the sink real quick. “Do you know what family?”
“No idea. But probably another big family.”
While Megumi has spent his life haunted by the old family and running anytime there were reports of them being too close for comfort, he knows little to nothing about them. Only the few details he managed to drag out of his dad over the years and his dad’s constant fear of the old family finding them.
Maybe his dad thinks it’s protecting Megumi by not telling him details, but all it does is make Megumi less aware of anything about the family.
“Megumi.”
He stops now, looking at his dad. Toji looks at him, more serious than usual if possible. “I mean it, be cautious. I need you safe, alright?”
Megumi nods.
Toji takes a deep breath, eyes closed for a moment. When he opens them, there’s more clear emotion there than Megumi has seen in a while, a rare moment from his dad. “If anything ever happened…”
“I know.”
He does, he really does know. For Megumi’s entire life, he has been aware of the looming, seemingly shadowy presence of his dad’s birth family hiding somewhere in the country, waiting and searching.
It is burned into his earliest memories. Between all of the different temporary places they hid, long never-ending car trips to a new place, his dad showing him how to turn off the safety on a gun, where to aim to incapacitate someone, it is simply part of his life as much as breathing is.
“Those people, they…” Toji trails off, a furrow growing between his brows now. “They’re vile. Evil even. They’re connected to the government—they are the government, the law forces, corporations. All of it. Their hand is in everything. Legally and illegally.”
His dad’s hand rests heavily on Megumi's shoulder now. “I don’t want you to think I’m making this up. I need you to be careful. These people are the reason your mother…you already know, but you know what I mean.”
Nothing else needs to be said about it.
“Just promise you’ll be safe.”
Megumi nods. “I will. I always am.”
Toji nods, decisively, just once. He squeezes Megumi’s shoulder once before leaving the room, the single door swinging behind him.
He stands there, unmoving for a long moment.
Megumi leans back up against the countertop in the dingy, damp backroom of the bar with the muffled shouts of drunken customers coming in from the bar area. The back room is crowded, too small, cramped to the point it feels like it’s closing in on him.
He takes a breath, too little air somehow. It smells like stale beer and old floor cleaning. A combination that’s become too familiar to him over the years.
He reminds himself; this was always going to be the outcome.
His life’s path was chosen before he was born, there isn’t much he can do about it now. It was decided the moment his parents had a child with Zenin family blood.
It’s pointless to fight against reality.
So he goes back into the bar and doesn’t think about the folder rotting in the trash.