Chapter Text
She’d never noticed it before, how reluctant they all were to talk about the Stellaron.
Stelle’s time with the Astral Express had been one heart-racing adventure after another. Jarilo-VI had been the first time she’s ever seen or felt the effect of a Stellaron before. Their first trip to the Loufu had revealed the heavy history Dan Heng was afraid to confront. Penacony had been a whirlwind of chaos, as different factions fought for control over the planet of dreams, and Order attempted to rear its head after being erased from Aeonhood for so long.
And it was there, in Penacony, that she first realized her friends’ reluctance.
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“Can I ask you something?” she asked, while she and Welt sat in the hotel room in reality, waiting for Himeko and March to join them.
Welt looked over at her, the warm smile he always wore for the Express family on his face. “Of course, Stelle. What’s on your mind?”
Stelle shifted on her stool. “When we fought Aventurine, in the park,” she began, “he kept saying that his goal was to detonate the Stellaron I have and blow up Penacony for the IPC to claim. But I don’t understand how that would be possible.”
She glanced over at Welt and was startled to realize that his facial expression had rapidly changed to one of concern. “Why the sudden interest?” he asked. “Are you worried?”
Stelle blinked. “No, not particularly,” she answered. “If something as simple as a heavy injury would be enough to detonate the Stellaron, it would have gone off when Cocolia stabbed me. But it occurred to me I don’t know very much about the Stellaron, and I’d like to fix that. Especially if, like what happened earlier, it becomes a bigger point of interest to the people we interact with.”
Stelle had never seen Welt look so uncomfortable, not even when they’d been made to take in Dan Heng’s Vidyadhara form. “I don’t think you need to worry too much about that, Stelle. Your unique condition should mean that there’s never a risk of the Stellaron detonating.”
Stelle frowned. “But it has tried to detonate before,” she said. “Back on Herta’s Space Station, against the Doomsday Beast. You had to step in. It’s not out of the question that it could happen again.”
Welt turned his gaze back to her. “I… understand your concerns, but truly, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about on that front. I think it would be more harmful to spend time contemplating your potential demise than to put it from your mind.”
Stelle considered arguing for a moment- she didn’t recall ever mentioning a fear of potential demise so much as an interest in better understanding herself- but the sheer discomfort, and something that might be sadness, that was displayed on Welt’s face made her falter. “If you say so,” she murmured, and Welt’s visible relief washed over her uneasily. Stelle turned to look elsewhere over the lounge, faintly remembering to keep the frown off her face. Perhaps the situation in Penacony just isn’t the right setting to ask , she thought. I’ll try again later.
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The thing was, she noticed, the aversion to talking about the Stellaron in her body never seemed to dissipate, not even when their time on Penacony came to an end. On the contrary, it seemed that her interaction with Mr. Yang had somehow only made things worse. And she might not even have noticed, in truth, if she hadn’t encountered Aventurine again.
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Their departure from Penacony was delayed, as the Nameless considered Black Swan’s suggestion of Amphoreus for their next destination, leaving Stelle and March to wander around Penacony to their heart’s content. Stelle wasn’t entirely pleased- the chaos of the Dreamscape had left scars, and part of her knew that they would never truly dissipate- but she tried to put the heaviness behind her, walking quietly through the various dreamscapes, occasionally meeting up with Firefly again. Acheron had disappeared, and Stelle missed her, but there was a warmth in seeing Firefly, and occasionally SIlver Wolf, and even though they had to be careful, given the Stellaron Hunters were still wanted, it was something of a blessing to have them.
To her surprise, however, on one of her trips back into Reality, she was surprised to hear a knock on her door. March was still in the Dreamscape, and neither Welt nor Himeko had felt the need to check in on her. It had only been a few days since she’d tried to ask Welt, but his distance wasn’t surprising- the eldest member of the Astral Express was always busy doing something or other. When she opened her door, however, she failed utterly to hide her surprise.
“Aventurine?”
On the other side of the door, the blonde gave a self-deprecating smile. “Hello, Miss Nameless,” he said lightly. “Mind if I come in?”
Stelle probably should have at least hesitated, given Aventurine had tried to kill her the last time they’d met, but while she hadn’t found much information on Penacony regarding the Stellaron, she had found more information about the IPC, and the Stonehearts. Her opinion of Aventurine had changed dramatically since their last confrontation, and even if she didn’t quite see Aventurine as a friend, she certainly didn’t see him as an enemy.
She opened the door wider. “Come in,” she said, and once he’d slipped past her, she shut the door securely. “Are you alright?” She asked; Aventurine had been struck by Acheron’s full power as an Emanator- it was impressive that he was still standing, in her opinion.
The smile Aventurine gave her was, surprisingly, more genuine than she’d expected. “It’s hit or miss, I suppose. On the one hand, I’m alive, and seemingly healthy. On the other…” he looked consideringly at Stelle. “Perhaps you can understand better. After all, there aren’t many people who have had their entire perspectives changed on life the way you have.”
Stelle grimaced but nodded. “I suppose so,” she murmured.
Aventurine shrugged. “Anyway, that’s not what I came here for. I actually wanted to apologize.”
Stelle blinked. “Wait, apologize? Why?”
Aventurine smiled again. “In case you’ve forgotten, Miss Nameless, I did try to kill you on the grand stage,” he said gently.
Stelle shook her head. “You might have acted like it,” she responded, her voice surer than it had been in some time, “but that wasn’t your intention. I looked into the IPC’s plan for Penacony. You created a grand plan, and it worked. But for it to work, you needed to make a scene.” She hesitated. “I… also managed to do some research about you.”
Aventurine tilted his head slowly. “Oh?”
Stelle took a deep breath. “I’m not going to hash through your early past,” she told him. “It’s not my business, and it shouldn’t be anyone else’s unless you want it to be. But I did find out that Jade is the one who brought you into the Stonehearts, and Jade… well, there are a lot of stories about Jade and her contracts. Firefly confirmed some things for me as well. You using the fight to prompt Acheron into striking you down didn’t just set the scene, or free you from what Sunday tried to do: it also freed you from the power of Jade’s contract.”
In front of her, Aventurine went very still.
Stelle grinned wryly. “That information obviously doesn’t go beyond us; I didn’t even tell the rest of the crew, though knowing Dan Heng, he could probably find it and put the pieces together on his own if he wanted. But if anyone else ever does find out, they won’t hear it from me.”
For a long moment, Aventurine stared at her. “I can’t remember the last time I was surprised this much,” he said eventually. “And I definitely can’t remember the last time someone offered me kindness without strings attached.”
Stelle shrugged. “I didn’t tell you this to force a favor out of you. You had a right to know why I wasn’t mad. But if you do insist on offering something in exchange, there’s some info I can probably only get from you that I’d like to ask about.”
Aventurine’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Oh? And what sort of information is that?”
“Regarding your plan, at the stage,” Stelle clarified. “When you said you were going to use the Stelleron I have to blow up the planet.”
For a second, Aventurine seemed genuinely startled, before some of the tension faded from his shoulders. “Of all the things I expected you to ask about, I can’t say that was one of them,” he responded. “But sure: what do you want to know?”
Stelle shifted towards the plush couches and sank down onto the cushions. “I know you weren’t really expecting for anything to happen,” she said slowly. “Your goal was to bait Acheron, and you knew she would step in before I actually suffered any permanent damage. But I want to know if what you were threatening would have actually been possible.”
Aventurine blinked. “What, for me to detonate the Stellaron in your chest?”
Stelle nodded. “I want to know if you had a genuine means to do so, and how.”
Aventurine stared at her for a moment. “To be perfectly honest,” he said eventually, “I assumed that if you were wounded fatally enough, the Stellaron would be released, and detonate. The fact that you have to ask if there was a plan beyond that is… a little concerning.”
Stelle lowered her eyes. “Let’s just say it wouldn’t have been the first time someone tried to kill me to get the Stellaron to react and failed. Which is why I need to know if there are other methods. I want to be able to protect myself.”
Aventurine nodded slowly. “I can understand that, but…” he shifted on his couch. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but there’s more to it than just defending yourself, isn’t there? Something else is bothering you.”
Stelle smiled ruefully. “I probably should have expected someone as observant as you to clue in.” She sighed. “The memories of my known life are less than a year old. I know that I’ve been alive for more than a year, but I genuinely don’t know how long that was for. My first memories are of being abandoned on a Genius Society space station and picked up by the Astral Express. In the journeys I’ve made since, I’ve been at a severe disadvantage thanks to all the things I don’t know, not just about the places we’ve been, but even just… social norms. How to interact with people. My naivete may be accepted and even protected by my fellow Nameless, but it bothers me. I’m tired of being the naive one, the one no one expects to understand anything. I want to be able to protect myself, to learn for myself. And to do that, I need to understand what it means to defend myself, not just as a person, but as the holder of the Stellaron.”
To her surprise, Aventurine’s gaze had shifted, and she saw approval in his gaze, as well as a hint of pained understanding. “I’m guessing, since you came to me, the other Nameless aren’t entirely on the same page?”
Stelle sighed again. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I tried asking the oldest member, Mr. Yang, but his reaction was… not good. The others are quick to try and help when something seems wrong, but nothing has gone wrong as far as the Stellaron since my first Trailblazing expedition. And the more I think about it, the more I’ve realized almost no one on the Astral Express willingly talks about the Stellaron I possess. It isn’t the same as some of our other conversation topics that are approached with caution. This seems to just be… taboo.”
“And you don’t want it to be.” Aventurine states.
Stelle shook her head. “No, I don’t. I want- I
need
to be able to talk about this aspect of myself. To understand it. The fact that I had such strong reactions to other Stellarons in the beginning of my remembered existence, and now it almost never reacts at all, is strange. I want to know why.”
Aventurine frowned. “I wish I could be of more help in that regard, but I don’t know very much about Stellarons aside from the general knowledge, and unfortunately, I’m not the best person to try and go asking for info from.” At her questioning gaze, he lowered his voice. “No matter my personal intentions, Stelle, I remain a member of the IPC Stonehearts. If any of the information I gleaned from you became vital to future transactions, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that I would be required to use it, even if it was to your detriment. You’ve surprised me greatly today, and your actions mean a lot to me. I don’t want to become the reason you get hurt, even if it is contrary to my visible persona.”
After a moment, Stelle nods. “I can understand that,” she said softly. “I didn’t mean to put you in a difficult position. I just feel… lost.”
Aventurine nodded. “I’ve felt that way before. Which is why, if you’re open to suggestions, I have a pair that might help.”
Stelle looked up. “Yes, please.”
Aventurine took a deep breath. “Ok. First one: while I don’t have any useful information myself, I’d bet my partner for this mission, Ratio, does. The Intelligentsia Guild didn’t get their name from being un-thorough. If you reached out to him and explained that it was in the pursuit of improving your knowledge, I think he’d be happy to send you what he knows.”
Stelle nodded. “Thank you. And the second suggestion?”
Aventurine leveled her with a steady gaze. “Keep your research quiet. If you really think the Astral Express is avoiding the topic, they may be tempted to keep you from looking into it. I’m not saying they’d behave like the IPC does: anyone with eyes can see those Trailblazers care about you. But if they thought that knowing more about your Stellaron would hurt you, I doubt they’d be willing to let you continue.”
Stelle opened her mouth to protest- the Nameless wouldn’t stop her from learning about herself, that would go against everything they stood for- but in that moment, the memory of Welt’s face from her earlier attempt to speak about the subject flashed through her mind: the fear, the concern, how relieved he was when she dropped the topic. She closed her mouth again and nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
Aventurine nodded. “I know you said you felt ignorant,” he said, surprising her, “but you’re more in-tune than you think to what’s going on around you. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be unfamiliar with new encounters. There are people who derive the most joy in their lives from learning new things, after all.”
Hesitantly, Stelle nodded.
Aventurine stood. “Well, if there’s nothing else, I’m going to go back to my room before someone starts looking for either of us. I wish you luck, Miss Stellaron.” he smiled, erasing any bite from the name, and slipped quietly out of the room, leaving Stelle to look down at her hands in her lap, mind spinning with the information she’d acquired… and a growing sense of unease that Aventurine’s point about the Nameless not being fond of Stelle learning more about the Stellaron may not be so far off.