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Twas a dark and eerie night, as was only proper for the season. Petrichor filled the air and lightning danced among the thunderclouds. The flashes of light crashed into the dark bowl of the cul-de-sac, briefly sending the shadows reeling before the darkness slithered back into place. The street lamps did little to illuminate, at best giving the inky blackness an edge instead as various little ghouls and goblins cantered through the night. As the clouds lazily drifted through the far heights, the dull golden-red edges of a full moon could be glimpsed. Whether it was smiling or leering at the festivities was anyone’s guess, but a certain intent could certainly be felt.
It had been a very long time since Eddie had looked forward to a holiday, but tonight was as close to perfect for Halloween as could be asked for. And he had lovely company to spend it with for once, so that was a big bonus. He slithered through his once empty home and marveled at that ‘lived in’ feeling it had developed since his trip down below, the previously overbearing silence having long since been shattered by the antics of his beloved devils. He stopped at the hall mirror to double check that his Guilty Gear Johnny costume was still proper, when a foul scent caught his attention. Following his nose on a thin trail of nicotine smoke, Eddie got the impression some words needed to be had on the topic of costuming.
“Z, doll, I love the get-up, honestly, but I’m not letting you out in public like that.” He leaned against the doorway as he drank in the sight of his favorite Bitch. To call it a costume was exceptionally generous, as even the trademarked Scantily Clad Mummy at the store was less exposed than Zdrada’s assortment of bandages. It was genuinely impressive how little it left to the imagination while still technically covering all the required bits, he was sure that she had to have used putty to get it to stick in some places. And as pleasantly distracting as her landing strip was proving to be, he at least had to pretend to be the mature one.
“Aw, Taker, I didn’t take ya for a prude.” Zdrada flicked her serpentine tongue at him as smoke trailed past her lips, his little dragon’s eyes begging for punishment. “Whatcha gonna do about it?”
“Much as I’d love to give you the personal touch, we’re on a schedule tonight.” He sighed a little at the admission.
“Come on, I’m sure we could be quick.”
“You’re lying and you know it.”
“Heh, yeah.” Zdrada chuckled and took a long pull of her cigarette. “Anyyyyways…?”
“Doll, you can either stay here with Cerberus or wrap a few more rolls around yourself.” Eddie made a defeated gesture and turned to leave. “I don’t make the rules.”
“Cause she’s got you whipped.” He could feel her sticking her tongue out at him, but she was moving for more bandages, so a win’s a win. Just putting another tally on the ‘Zdrada’s comeuppance’ chart.
With the petulant one out of the way, Eddie meandered his way towards the stairs. Just as he was about to start climbing, a distressed buzzing could be heard from the top rapidly approaching the bottom. He waited as his little goddess came to a stop that defied several of Newton’s Laws.
“Oh good, there you are.” Beelzebub drawled in a futile attempt at relaxed. “I was wondering where you were.”
“Need something Beel?” Eddie had a feeling this was going to happen.
“Well, actually, now that you mention, there was something that I could benefit from your assistance with, yes.” She buzzed out at a mile a minute.
“Sure sweety, what do you need?” With a quick peck on the cheek, the Fly calmed down a smidge and the ambient buzzing of countless pestilent things dimmed.
“Well sugar, I’ve come to understand that this All Hallow’s Eve is something of a costumed event.” That adorable nervous habit of rubbing her hands over each other came back for the first time this week. “And while I am a shapeshifter of some expertise, I simply can’t think of anything to wear.”
“As long as it has more fabric than Zdrada’s first draft, we’ll be golden.” When reality began to slant as Beel gave him A Look, Eddie snickered and pressed on. “Alright, I guess I’ve got a couple ideas.”
“You remain, as ever, my savior Eddie.” A little buzz of joy started in Beel’s throat when she noticed she actually managed to get a blush out of her Taker before he coughed into his hand and reoriented himself.
“For one thing, you could just wear your normal attire.” He suggested. “It looks like it takes more effort than most of the costumes on display tonight.”
“And never hear the end of it from Starlight? ‘All that magic at your disposal and you can’t even be bothered for a little pizzazz?’” It was an impression without flaw and Eddie had to stop himself from giggling. “I think I’ll pass, sugar, but I do appreciate the compliment.”
“What about the big fly form? I can see how some people would find that scary.” Not what his own first feelings were, but Eddie isn’t exactly the normalest creature under the sun.
“Not a terrible idea, except of course for the constant aura of every known illness and quite a few unknowns that that form expels.” She pointed out as she glided circles around his head. “I imagine that would be something of a faux pas.”
“Fair enough.” Eddie rubbed his chin in thought for a moment before the light bulb went off above his head. “Why not make a costume out of that form?”
“Pardon?” Beel stopped floating around and adjusted so she was looking him in the eye. The fact that she was upside down didn’t seem to bother her any, to gravity’s chagrin.
“Instead of turning into The Big Fly, just transform your outfit into a costume version.” He explained. The sickness he was down with took the thought and rolled it over her tongue to taste the value of it. Then there was a burst of sickly red smoke before Beel reappeared.
Two sets of wings draped down her back like a foul cape, with paradoxically pristine white fur like a lion’s mane around her neck. When fully embodying the Fly, her form was corpulent and near to bursting with disease, but in this costume it was more in line with her usual, voluptuous proportions. She had chosen to retain the shoulder pads and the cresting horns thereon and had managed to make three sets of arms on a humanoid form look natural. But Eddie’s favorite part was Beel’s adorable, human face sticking out of the mouth of her monstrous form. The jaw framed her pale complexion in a funny-cute way that was somehow the missing piece to this costume.
“Well sugar, how did it come together?” Beel landed on the ground and gave him a quick twirl. He made a mental note to bring this costume up next time they had a private night. “It’s a bit of a rush job, so be honest.”
“I think you look adorable, my queen.” Eddie grabbed her face and began to shower it in kisses. She giggled and weakly pawed at his chest in faux protest. This could have derailed the entire night if not for a particularly stern clearing of a rather dominating throat from the staircase.
“It’s a bit early for such antics, is it not, Eddie?” Pandemonica asked. He didn’t even need to look, he could feel her raised eyebrow.
The menacing clack of uniform boots echoed down the steps at an even pace as the Mistress approached. Her great coat parted as she spread her arms to give Beelzebub a quick hug, wearing the sturdy piece of attire more like a cape than a coat over her black uniform. Brass buttons went from her neck to just past her midnight belt, which bore a buckle with an intricate symbol of silver. Depending on if viewed from above or below it would read as either Exhaustion or Conquer respectively in the demonic tongue. Eddie was a fan of the cheekiness of such an emblem, especially when they planned to see Lucifer tonight, but Pan reasoned that there was no chance of her boss being in the position required to read the intended meaning. The outfit was completed by a commisar’s hat resting comfortably between the Sadistic Demon’s massive horns.
“How fare the troops, Lieutenant?” Pan asked after she and Beel had exchanged cheek kisses.
“Well, you’ve seen Beel, Cerberus should still be in the yard, and Zdrada is making herself more publicly appropriate as we speak.” Eddie snapped a salute as crisp as the ironing on his general’s uniform. With her pale skin and flowing, white hair, piercing red eyes, and black outfit, she cut an impressive figure. Taker Alpha was genuinely unsure if he could be restrained long enough for the socializing tonight.
“And the Prosecutor?” Her smile shifted to a more neutral line and Eddie really wasn’t sure how long he could wait.
“Still running my rounds, ma’am.” He grinned despite his effort and the glint in Pan’s eyes confirmed she understood.
“Then get moving, soldier.” She slapped his ass as he marched toward the basement, Beel giggling as the pair moved to check on Zdrada.
With predatory grace, Eddie slipped down the basement stairs towards where the High Prosecutor and his would-be doom awaited. He was rather surprised to find her within her renovated cave in her usual uniform sans claws, pondering as she stared at two different outfits. Well, the one on the left was just a pair of fiery pants and some wrappings, the get up on the right was much more involved. Honestly, he didn’t know where to start with all that, or how she would even start putting it on.
Between wearing all of that or basically just pants, Eddie knew where he would put his vote, but a conversation couldn’t hurt.
“Trouble picking-” He managed to get out before chains wrapped around his frame and dragged him right next to the Gargoyle.
“Alright, so, here’s the deal.” Judgement threw an arm over his shoulders and leaned them both closer to her costumes. “I like Jojo way more than Fairy Tail, right? But I’m not sure I’m flexible enough to pull off a DIO, you know what I mean? It’s a lot of posing and stuff.”
“Not even a little bit babe, but keep going.” He nodded along. “I like how that one is just pants.”
Judy glared at him pretty firmly, and all he could muster for a reply was a sheepish shrug. She rolled her eyes and pulled him tighter against her, which he took as a good sign.
“It’s not
pants
, it’s Erza Scarlet’s strongest outfit.” Judgement explained. “Her gimmick is switching between different armors depending on the situation and it’s a really interesting power set, especially because a lot of Fairy Tail boils down to ‘Ah, punch but with particle effect,’ but then it just kinda becomes her default outfit halfway through the series and the powerscalling just kinda leaves her behind towards the last fourth or so.”
Eddie continued to nod along cluelessly. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to understand Judy’s interest in anime, he thought some of it was pretty cool, he just couldn’t get nearly as into it as she had. If he was honest, he was glad that she was finding things to enjoy on Earth that wasn’t just working out, fighting, and fucking, he just wished it was also something he
got
. She’d taken to calling him a ‘Shounen MC’ lately and Eddie wondered if he didn’t get it because he’d lived it.
“Actually, you know what, I talked myself out of the Erza Scarlet pants, thanks Eddie.” She gave him a peck on the cheek and ripped him out of the chains with a fierce tug, sending him twirling back up the stairs. He threw his arms out to keep himself steady as he stood wide eyed in the hallway, waiting for the world to stop moving. Zdrada, little shit that she is, pushed at his forehead with one finger and guffawed as he fell unceremoniously on his ass.
“Good landing, chief.” She managed to squeeze out past her laughter and Eddie noted another tally down.
“Zdrada, if you’re done bullying our host, I do believe it’s time to go.” Pandemonica sighed from the entrance hall.
“Aw come on, Judy ain’t even up here y-” The basement door flying open and slamming into Zdrada’s face ended her sentence for her. Judgement, dressed all in skin tight blacks and flowing yellows, was practically vibrating with excitement.
“What’re we waiting for, gang?” She asked, eyes aglow with holy energy and anticipation.
“Nothing now.” Pan smirked as Zdrada teetered and started falling. Eddie caught her and followed the rest of his girls as they made their way outside.
Within the yard sat the massive, triple headed form of Cerberus. Even in this more monstrous form, Eddie could still tell that a deep melancholy weighed on her mind. Homesickness was a dastardly feeling, especially when that home didn’t really exist anymore. He hadn’t gotten many details from any of the girls, but Cerberus had so far been the only one who admitted to recalling a time when the Underworld was called something besides Hell. Eddie casually tossed Zdrada’s orgasmically comatose body to Beel’s tentacles and crept up to his poor pupper.
“Hey Cerby.” He said gently. She didn’t reply but did turn to look at him. “Sure you don’t want some company tonight?”
“I appreciate the offer Eddie, honestly, but I think I’d like the time to think.” Her triplicate voice dripped with a deep malaise. One head pushed out a lungful of sighs while another plopped down onto her massive paws. “You neará head out and have a good time tonight, myself and the house will be here when you get back.”
“I know.” Eddie scratched behind one of her ears and kissed the middle head’s forehead. “Be a good girl and don’t eat any of the nice folk.”
“And if they seek playing tricks instead of tasty treats?” A bit of joy entered those monstrous, beautiful eyes as she quirked an eyebrow at her favored servant.
“Let the punishment match the crime, I say.” He shrugged, grinned, and sauntered after the rest of the harem. The ground shook a little with the thumping of Cerberus’ serpentine tail and Eddie’s smile grew fond.
The five of them meandered their way down the street, past yards in various states of holiday spirit. The Jensen’s had gone all out with giant skeletons galore, though the patriarch was glaring at Eddie’s own ‘display’ with the kind of look that ensured Cerberus wouldn’t go hungry tonight.
A line of people stretched out from their destination, which was certainly the most extravagantly decorated house in the cul-de-sac. Mostly because a certain Devil was cheating, what with her skeletal ‘decorations’ being far more lively than any other in the neighborhood. Luci had summoned a baker’s dozen of her minions to look menacing in her front yard and to also manage the line to her house. Which was currently covered in hellfire, but didn’t seem particularly at risk of burning down.
“I wonder what they’re doing to distract Azazel.” Eddie hummed.
“What makes you think they are?” Zdrada asked, having shaken off her concussion/orgasm.
“Because she would have either reported this or would be hanging from the roof studying it.”
“Ha, yeah.”
Eddie began to slow as they approached the end of the line, but Pandemonica was having none of that. She firmly gripped his arm as she began to march past and dragged him past the first couple before he started moving on his own. The young adults had gotten two words of protest out before a single glare from Hell’s Customer Service silenced them. The skeletons made no move to stop the other harem as they cut the line, though Eddie got the impression a few were glaring at him. He rewarded their long memories with a wolfish grin and thumbing his katana open an inch. They took the hint and went back to menacing the pedestrians.
As they entered the home of Taker One, there was a subtle, greasy feeling as they passed the door. Between that and foul smell wafting through the ruddy stone of the hall, Eddie got the impression that the minions were’t Luci’s only trick this Hallow’s Eve. He glanced at his girls, which confirmed that if they noticed then they didn’t care. With a shrug, he joined them in their trek through this private portion of Hell.
“If Cheryl knew how Lucifer was doing all this,” Judgement mused, striking an eccentric pose. “I don’t think their house would have won the decoration competition.”
“Miss Robinson got second and she paid for all of her stuff to be assembled.” Beel recalled. “I don’t reckon Cheryl cares much for effort.”
They looked inclined to continue their conversation when a gaggle of teenagers ran past them, screaming their pubescent lungs out. With that glowing review, they all pressed forward into the first chamber of horror.
The fleshy walls pulsed and quivered, the veins giving off a subtle, red glow in time with a gentle thumping that could be felt through the floor. A massive heart was suspended by chains from the ceiling and walls, hanging over a pool of offal liquid that churned with the silent, screaming faces of the damned. As they grew closer, the valves of the heart began to convulse before beginning to distort as a shape began to move out of the vital organ. With a sickening squelch, a humanoid shape was pulsed out and into the pool. A taloned hand grabbed the edge and dragged its form out of the gore and sinners’ souls. It was shaped like a person, but far too long in all proportions, easily more than ten feet tall before counting the onyx horns on her head. A sickly thin arm reached up to clear her face and after splattering the ground with more gore revealed black eyes with glowing, red dots locked onto their forms with a deep desire to glut in every manner of the word.
“Oh, hey guys.” Generic cheerfully greeted with a wave. “How’s your night going?”
“Rather well so far, Mother.” Pan greeted her with a slight bow.
“Oh, don’t you all look darling tonight!” The Template shifted back into her normal form and excitedly reviewed everyone’s attire. “Zdrada, don’t you think you’re overdressed tonight?”
“I tried to dress down tonight, Ma, but Eddie’s a fuddy duddy.” The Punk Demon pouted.
“There are more entertaining ways to get arrested for indecent exposure and I’m pretty sure trying that shit tonight would have gotten all of us on the Registry.” Eddie shrugged.
“Oh, phooey to your mortal rules.” Genny waved her hand dismissively. “Alright, well you kids get along now, I’ve got to get back into position.”
She gave them each a peck on the cheek as they passed and Eddie got a pinch of the tush for his trouble. They left the heart of the haunted house to an overture of the moaning dead and the squelching of a stick-thin monster sliding into meat. The stones of Hell took over the walls once more as they trekked to the next spook center. Just as they turned a bend, they saw a middle aged man exit the next room with tears in his eyes. He didn’t even see them as he passed, too busy staring ruefully at his beer belly.
The next room was rather bland compared to the previous, consisting of hellish rockwork and weightlifting equipment. Standing in the center was Justice, dressed in a sports bra, leggings, her shades, and winning smile. She waved as they approached and started to show off her musculature.
“What’s up party people?” The Awesome Demon asked as she stretched the guns. “What’s shakin?”
“What’d you do to that last guy?” Judy asked, also doing ridiculous poses.
“Oh, I just reminded him of how fit he used to be and how his lifestyle up till now meant that there was no way he’d ever be even half that physically fit ever again.” Justice explained.
“Damn.” They all said.
“Yeah, then he connected that to his floundering love life and how his marriage is falling apart.” The Former High Prosecutor nodded. “Seemed pretty scared, so mission accomplished!”
“You just wanted an excuse to show off in front of the mortals.” Judgement surmised as she bent nearly parallel with the ground.
“Two birds, Judy. Two birds.” Justice chuckled as she waved them on their way. “Besides, most people don’t make it past Genny, I’m kinda just hanging out.”
They left with smiles on their faces at the antics of that rascal Justice and moved on to the next horror show. Outside of an oddly plain, wooden door was a young man sitting on the floor in the fetal position. Tears streaked freely down his face and he rocked back and forth in a vain effort to comfort himself. His lips moved silently and he stared blindly at something beyond the wall in front of him as they entered the next room.
To Eddie’s surprise, it appeared to be a rather cushy therapists office, judging by the couch. Behind an impressive desk of mahogany in a dark, leather chair sat a familiar demoness with rose-gold, heart shaped eyes.
“Ah, hello ladies.” Modeus greeted in her standard deadpan. “And Eddie.”
“Hey Mo’.” He greeted, tipping his wide brimmed hat. “How’s it hanging?”
“Firm and bouncy, as usual.” She slapped her breasts and nodded approvingly at the results. “But we are not discussing myself tonight.”
“No?”
“No indeed. Please, take a seat.” The Lustful One gestured to the couch, her eyes aglow with the kind of intensity that traditionally meant bad things for peoples’ knees. Eddie sat down to humor her and was far less entertained when he felt skeletal hands lock around his arms and legs.
“Modeus, what in this fresh Hell are you doing?” He asked, looking much calmer than he felt.
“Lucifer said she wanted scary tonight and I know exactly what inspires horror in mortals.” Modeus put on a pair of reading glasses and pushed them up to the bridge of her nose, the glint of the ceiling light hiding her eyes. “Genuine introspection.”
“This isn’t funny, Modeus.” He started pulling on his restraints and was alarmed to find them tighter after each pull.
“It isn’t supposed to be funny, Eddie.” She got up and moved to the chair across from him. “Are you scared?”
“I haven’t been scared in years!” Eddie asserted defiantly. It was true, but it might not be for long if he was right about what this was.
“In that case, we begin.” Modeus took up a clipboard, clicked a pen, and gave him her full attention. “Let’s start with your childhood.”
In a fit of roaring, primal emotion, Eddie managed to roll the couch onto its side. With a strength unnatural even to himself, he managed to rip the skeletal limbs out of the leather prison and sprinted out of the room quick enough to shock even demonic eyes. It took seconds before they couldn’t hear him anymore and the silence that followed was cloying.
“Would you describe that as scared?” Modeus slowly turned to look at the harem. They left at a pace not much slower than their Taker.
He had already entered the next room by the time they caught up to him. The decorations were spartan save for two computer desks with rather robust gaming setups on them. The screens were back to back so the gamers couldn’t see each other’s screens. Azazel and Malina sat locked in an online duel that was testing at least the Sour Demon’s skill, judging by her expression.
“Aw, Malinka.” Zdrada cooed as she draped herself over her sister. “You look like you’re having fun.”
“Fuck off, I’m in the zone.” Malina replied, sipping at her vodka bottle with a straw of exceptional size. “Angel’s good at Hero’s Three.”
“Aight, but how’s any of this supposed to be scary?” Her sister pestered.
“She’s scary good at cheesing this shit, that’s what.” The Gamer Demon replied. “Besides, you guys are the first to make it this far. Now fuck off so I can focus, she’s about to…”
“Sack your city?” Azazel radiated a smugness that matched her halo’s glow. “Yes, indeed I did.”
The demons took their rattled Taker and left as Malina began to convulse with either euphoria at the gameplay on display or rage at getting her heiny handed to her at her favorite game. Judgement carefully pried the arms off of him and he mumbled his thanks. They all awkwardly continued on as no one knew how to confront what exactly they just saw.
“Well then.” Beelzebub was the first to be unable to handle the quiet. “That certainly happened.”
“It did not happen, that’s the best part of that kerfuffle.” Eddie responded despondently.
“Perhaps it would be good for yah to get that off your chest someday, Eddie.” The Fly suggested tentatively. He glanced at her before replying, reading her face to guess at what she was digging for. When his analysis came up empty, Eddie leaned into her arms and sighed.
“Yeah, maybe someday.” He conceded. “But definitely not with Modeus.”
“She seemed rather knowledgeable, in all seriousness.” Pan mused. “There is a genuine possibility that she would be your best option.”
“Oh look, the next and hopefully final room, praise be to Insert a Divine Here.” Eddie rolled his eyes and jogged up the obsidian doors.
Grasping the bone shaped door handles, he pulled with all his might to escape the conversation. To his aggravation, the weighty doors refused to move quicker than the creaking sound of their hinges. When the stone doors finally allowed them to enter, the gang crammed their way into a chamber that was larger than the entire house. The ceiling was frescoed in depictions of angels and demons warring for the cosmos, said art held above by pillars instead of walls. Beyond the hall was Hell itself, lakes of magma bubbling with menace, the hordes of the damned suffering for their sins as far as the eye could see, and more monsters than humanity has imagined enjoying the atmosphere.
At the far end of the hall, at the end of the carmine rug, sat two thrones of ivory and ebony. In one sat a familiar mountain of a man, though his usual attire was replaced with a familiar suit of black and red. Not so familiar was the demonic tail that danced behind him and the ebon antlers sprouted from his head. He sat with the commanding presence of true royalty and Eddie had to bite back a snarky comment from sheer habit of defying authority figures.
To Sully’s left sat the Beast Known as Dragon, the Snake, the Devil herself in all her foul glory. The leather of her six wings was ripped from a cloudless night sky, her every shift showing new clusters of dying stars. A sickly radiance shone from her exposed skin for even in damnation does the Morning Star shine. Gone was her business suit, instead she wore a black mockery of an Angel’s uniform. On her divine features was the kind of smirk that men would kill to see again and women would dream of with each unsatisfactory lover that laid spent at their side.
“You have done well to make it this far, child of Eve.” The Once Archangel of Music spoke in a voice that blessed and damned in equal measure. “To have surmounted the evils of this Hell is no easy feat and for that you shall be rewarded.”
Solomon got up from his seat and silently stepped forward with a covered tray. Once he was before them, he kneeled to the ground and lifted the lid with reverence. Steam poured for the silver dish before clearing and revealing…
“Oh sweet, caramel apples.” Eddie reached out, grabbed one, and took a bite. “Alright, yeah, that was worth the effort.”
“You think so?” Taker One stood back up and admired his hard work. “I have never made these before and I wasn’t quite sure I got the caramel mix right.”
“Good grief man, if this was your first try, I can’t imagine how good the next batch will turn out.” Eddie had to hold back a moan as he took another, greedier bite.
“Well, you may as well take them all.” Lucifer sighed as she deflated a tad in her throne. “All these hours and of course you lot are the first to make it this far.”
“Perhaps actual Hell and literal demons were too much for the local suburbanites, ma’am?” Pandemonica supplied in her best servant voice.
“If they would like to partake of the sweets of my sweet, then their labors should be nothing short of Herculean.” The CEO of Hell reasoned. Eddie found he was inclined to agree as he finished off his apple.
“You mind if I take one back for Cerberus?” Eddie asked.
“I did not jest when I said take them.” The Devil reiterated. “Besides, I recall that her guests have sweet teeth as well. Wish my hound my best, will you?”
“Guests?”
True to the Devil’s word, after they’d left with their prizes, Cerberus did indeed have company. A man with salt’n’pepper hair with a pencil mustache and a sharp, pinstripe suit stood and was talking to one of Cerberus’ heads. Fawning over another head was a woman of ethereal beauty in a black gown covered in designs of thorny vines and roses. When the third head of the beast perked up at the arriving harem, the couple turned and regarded them.
“Ah, and you must be Eddie.” Dread Persephone excitedly walked to meet them, her dark eyeliner highlighting the excitement in her eyes. “We’ve heard such stories about you!”
“All good things, I hope?” Eddie smiled with a hint of nervousness. It had been a while since he’d spoken with any of the gods of his technical pantheon, let alone the chthonic variety.
“My kérveros is far too honest for that, I’m afraid.” The God of the Dead and Wealth offered a firm hand for Eddie to shake. If the quiet popping and cracking of his hand bones was any indication, then Eddie was in for a rather memorable event of meeting the in-laws.