Chapter Text
Slaanesh. The Chaos god(dess) of pleasure and pain. Suffering and sex. The deity of overstimulation and sensation. In the depths of her territory he laid content. In her massive bed of the finest silks and softest pillows, she sighed happily.
In her arms was a human man. How did this come to be?
Acuaticus trembled as the Chaos goddess forcibly tore a hole in the Materium in his room.
"You. Mortal." She pointed.
Acuaticus gulped.
"I want you."
Acuaticus gulped.
"For cuddles."
Acuaticus gulped.
"Stop drinking I'm talking to you."
"Sorry, I was thirsty." Acuaticus put his bottle of water down.
"I've realized that I've simply run out of things to pervert." Slaanesh explained. "So I figured what if I perverted perversion?"
Acuaticus nodded half understanding.
"To put it simply, I'm gonna snuggle the fuck outta you." She grabbed him by the collar into her domain.
Something like that. Anyways.
In the sea of fine silks Slaanesh pulled Acuaticus close, nuzzling into the top of the smaller man's head. She had forgone her spikes and harsher appearance for the softer shape to squish and squeeze onto her partner. Her long white and pink highlighted hair blanketed over the two, soft to the touch. Her limbs held Acuaticus gently, but also tightly. She kissed the top of his head as she tried to convey her enjoyment. His arms wrapping around her made her feel warm and fuzzy. While her chest did somewhat smother him, it's not like breathing was a necessity in the warp. Something she was very, very sure of. Was this just a human thing? Did everyone snuggle good? She had to know.
This was very nice. Part of her weighed it against her usual debauchery...
You know what? All her followers were to give cuddles. Fuck the pointy bits. In the 'get rid of it' way. She'd have to be very clear about that last part. Slaanesh is now the Chaos goddess of cuddling! And forehead kisses!
She let out a soft giggle as Acuaticus fell asleep in her embrace. She half missed the feeling of his hands running through her hair. As a Chaos entity, she didn't sleep, but that didn't mean she couldn't emulate it.
Also goddess of sleepy snuggles!
She was so excited to explore this new avenue of pleasure. She could hardly wait!
"Bird." Khorne grunted.
"I have a name." The Chaos god of plots, ploys, and planning said in mild irritation.
"What happened to the whore?"
"Which one?"
"The one that came when I stabbed her."
"Slaanesh? She-" The bird-woman looking thing's eyes widened. "Yes!" Her hands paused their constant writings as they raised in victory. "She changed her ways!"
"Doesn't count." Khorne pointed. "You didn't make her do it."
"Fine." Tzeentch knew better than to argue with the red skinned amazon.
"Tell me what happened."
"Well, she found a nice guy and settled down."
"Bullshit."
"I heard settling down and shit." Nurgle appeared.
"Fuck off, shitwad."
"Thanks." Nurgle smiled, the green skinned woman was still wearing the same attire that she had worn since her conception: an oversized sweatshirt and shorts. Her hair was wild and in her eyes. "What happened to Slaanesh?"
"She changed her ways." Tzeentch said with a hint of unearned pride.
"Dumb bitch stopped fucking buttholes and started... snuggling." Khorne spat.
"Sounds like a good deal. Lazing around, doing nothing, wasting-"
"Snuggling isn't doing nothing. And it's not wasting away." Tzeentch interrupted. "It builds relationship strength and actually involves more than laying there. If anything it's like preening: cleaning and caring."
"How do we fix it?" Khorne asked.
"Fix it?"
"You can't maim people while snuggling." The war god of Chaos seethed.
"And you don't rot! Or decay!" Nurgle seemed to start to worry for once in her life. "If Slaanesh's followers don't kill and make war-"
"Fuck!" Khorne vented her anger by striking Nurgle's head. The latter just seemed to warp like goo at the impact. "That whore just fucked us over!"
"How clever." Tzeentch smirked. "Must have taken a page out of my book- not literally I didn't do anything to cause this." She leaned away from her fellow gods.
"We must kill her partners!" Khorne suggested.
"Or make them too lazy to snuggle!"
"Or!" Tzeentch smiled. "We find out if she's onto something."
"No! Kill!"
"Think of it as a challenge. Who can love their partner the strongest? Who wields the most love? What burning passions do you hold for them?"
"... If I don't like it" Khorne said slowly. "I kill you first." With that she left.
"And I'm sure you'd love to lay about with someone?" Tzeentch turned to Nurgle.
"I suppose I'll lend my embrace... Ease someone's lonely pain."
"Good, good. I'll do the same. Ooooh, I just can't wait to read in bed with someone!"
"WHAT THE FUCK?" The Emperor's text to speech device projected. "WHY IS THE WARP SUDDENLY ALL SNUGGLY?"
The nearby Custodes rushed to find an answer.
"This seems... strange." An Eldar Farseer felt the warp shift as she sat up in bed. "I could really go for a hug..."
A necron rose up from its sarcophagus and looked down. They didn't remember having chest modifications. Or hair. Eh. Not their problem. The Necron leaned back down and went back to sleep.
"You gits feel diffrent?" An Ork looked at his fellow green boyz.
"Yeh." A few nodded.
"Loik feelin' loik givin 'ugs n' stuff?"
"Yeh."
"Roight. Glad dat's oll se''led."
There was an awkward silence between the council of Ethereals. They exchanged glances.
"So..."
"I'm just gonna say it. Does everyone else wanna cuddle humans?"
There was a collective agreement.
"Alright. Is that urge suddenly stronger than usual?"
Again, collective agreement.
"Should we... try that?"
Nods all around.
"... Who's doing the paperwork?"
No agreement. Chaos ensued in the meeting room.
"Hey." One guardsman looked at the other as they patrolled.
"Yeah?"
"You feel that?"
"The sudden feeling of a universe of impending cuddles?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Should we report that?"
"The commissar is in his study with the Eldar represen...tative..."
The two nodded as they let their leader have their time.
The Tyranid hivemind had an idea. Where this idea came from? It didn't know. But the idea was simple. Fighting and eating things wasn't working. It would have to change course. But to what?
Something... friendly? Yes. Friendly.
The biomass in its control began to reform into something more... palatable.