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"It's not true, of course, but cute urban myths are cute urban myths."
Percy looked carefully at the statue. "Weird. Any clue where or when the myth started?"
"Nah, it's kind of just… always been around? Ever since the statue itself has, at least. But no one's ever found the date of creation, so I dunno, really."
The statue in question was a white marble carving of a young woman, a golden-bronze for hair, one hand covering her mouth, the other stretched out delicately. A long wedding dress seemed to flow from her, spilling over the base. It was an incredible piece of art. Percy wasn't particularly smart or educated, yet he couldn't help but think of that one statue of Virgin Mary's face covered by a veil — all marble, yet giving the impression of translucency.
That statue, however, had nothing on this one. It might have been marble, but the young woman it formed seemed almost to breathe. Percy was more interested in practical things, like the migration patterns of hammerhead sharks — or how many hot dogs he could eat in a twenty-minute period — but he'd be lying if he said the statue didn't call to him in a way nothing else ever really had. There was something strange, unearthly, supernatural about it. He looked back at Grover. "You guys have weird urban myths in Glasgow, bro."
"I'm literally just here for my masters in Ecology, don't lump me in with everyone else in this city."
"Whatever, loser. So I would just, what? Hold the statue's hand?"
"I mean, yeah, that's generally what people do."
Percy could see that, given that they'd been waiting for a solid ten minutes already as the line grew shorter and shorter, tourists lining up to take a cute picture with the statue to show off to their friends back home.
He turned to Grover again. "So she's supposed to come to life if her soulmate holds her hand? What if the right person never shows up? I feel like that'd lowkey suck."
Grover laughed. "I think you're making a big deal out of this, bro. It ain't that deep. It's a cool statue with a fun urban myth, it's not like there's actually a person trapped in there."
Harry made a spooky face and motion with his hands. "But what if there was?"
"There's not, though? Weirdo."
"I'm just saying," mused Percy, thoughtfully, "I feel like that would be a pretty lonely life."
"To be fair," said Grover, humoring Percy, "I think you're presupposing the statue girl's awareness while turned to stone. Who's to say she still has situational awareness? Maybe it's like passing out?"
"Hm, good point. What's the logical and scientific standard for magical curses?"
"Guess we'll never know. Which sucks, because you're a sad, single little loser who won't let me have a normal date with Juniper without being all needy."
"Hey! That's so rude you guys are literally my closest friends — what am I supposed to do? Stop third wheeling? You guys are literally Hasidic, you know full well your parents wouldn't let you go out if I wasn't there."
Grover began to grovel a bit. "Oh thank you, your lordship! I'm ever so thankful to you for eating all my matzo pancakes — the very specifically kosher pancakes that are the only ones I can eat while you can eat anything — loudly and obnoxiously while I'm trying to have a cute breakfast date with my girlfriend."
"You're welcome," offered Percy, magnanimously.
"Dude you need a girlfriend. Please, I'm begging you, you're a good looking guy, it's not that hard-"
"No."
"Why not!?"
"Women frighten me."
"You're going to be alone forever," said Grover, despairing. "Which means you'll be hanging to my relationship like a barnacle forever."
"Alack, alas, I lack a lass. And again, Juniper is my friend too, you troglodyte."
"You took one, one English class with Paul during your doctorate, and now you won't stop being an English dweeb, on top of an incredibly annoying ball-kicker."
"It's called soccer, and it's a lot of fun, and if you keep making fun of it I know a pair of balls in close proximity I'm definitely gonna kick."
Grover cackled, using his crutches to hop out of violence-range. "Not today, and not ever, thanks. Maybe go kick a wall instead."
"Quit talking smack, I swear, you've got the absolute gall…"
"Stop," wheezed Grover, "I'm fall-ing-"
"Hey!" Yelled someone far behind them. "Quit stalling! Take your picture already!"
Drying their tears, Percy realized that he and Grover were indeed next up to the statue, labeled (rather pretentiously, if you asked Percy), "The Anticipating Bride."
"Alrighty, Perce, go hold its hand," said Grover, pulling out his phone. "And enjoy it, because it's probably the most contact you'll ever have with a woman who isn't your mother or sister."
Percy made a very rude gesture that the author did not approve of, but shuffled over to the statue and, taking her by the hand, made some dumb pose. The statue was weirdly warm, especially given that it had been so overcast and rainy all day.
"Yo, G-man, does the statue have like, central heating or something?" Asked Percy, looking at the sky. "It hasn't been sunny all day."
Grover didn't answer.
"Grover!" Yelled Percy, looking at him.
Grover was standing there looking at Percy and the statue, jaw on the floor, looking frightened.
"Is it something on my face?" Joked Percy.
A very warm, pale hand gently grabbed his chin, lifting it up. "Hmmm…" said the statue, which was most certainly not a statue anymore, and was very alive, and wasn't a statue because it was alive, because it wasn't a statue that had central heating since it was alive and it was alive and it WAS ALIVE IT WAS ALIVE IT WASN'T A STATUE IT WAS ALIVE WHAT WHAT WAS GOING ON- "It doesn't leuk like it. You're pretty cute, thouch. Nae a bad soulmate tae have."
"Um- uh- I- hey I- uh- uh- uh-"
The not-so-statue-anymore stepped down from the pedestal, and gave a very confused, stammering, and red Percy a kiss on the cheek, her very-real blond hair blowing around her face, her eyes gray as the clouds above them, her lips warm and soft against his him because she wasn't a statue?
In the back of his mind, Percy could see the flashes of hundreds of phones taking pictures and recording, a loud rumble all around them from hundreds of people. He was a little too overwhelmed to properly recognize and process all of that right now though.
"Cheers fur getting me unstuck, hot stuff" she said, "That's the carrect usage o' the word, richt? It's whit the couples call ilka other sometimes whan they walk up tae the statue."
"Um- uh-"
"Believe it or no," said the young woman, putting her hands behind her and loudly popping her back, "six-hundrit years o' bein petrifiit gets kynd o' crampit. I'll niver piss a hag aff iver again, that's fer sure." She paused. "Well, A say thon, but A wasn't gaun'ae marry her nephew, the filthy weirdo wantit ma name. Niver give a faerie yer name, handsome man," she mentioned very seriously to Percy, "they'll keep it an' you'll niver get it back an' you'll be their slave. No the greatest, as possible weddings gae. Point bein', I'd piss her aff again i'a heartbeat, gin it meant no havin' tae marry the slimy lightle toad."
She turned to an increasingly bewildered Percy. "Dae ye have a job?"
He looked at the very pretty girl who was also very confusing. "I… uh, yes? I'm a Marine Biologist."
"An thon means…?"
"I work with animals in the seas and oceans and help keep them from all dying off."
"Ah, yer a healer!"
"No I-" he sighed. "You know what? Yeah, basically."
"Braw. Dae ye want tae steal ma name an make me yer slave?"
"No?"
"Ye're guid looking, have a job, an' dinnae want me as a slave? Sounds great! Whan are we gettin' married?"
"Married!?" Gasped Percy. "Slavery!? Why- what- you know slavery is illegal, right?"
She looked completely shell-shocked. "Then whit dae ye dae wi the people ye capture on raids?"
"No one goes on raids anymore. I mean, there's wars, but that's not the same thing, and generally speaking there are rules."
"Sounds dreich, i'does. A want tae stab people."
"That does sound super fun," said Percy, thinking of his old math teacher Ms. Dodds, "but let's maybe not do that." Percy realized he was attempting to explain the complexities of modern warfare and societal violence norms in the presence of a group of hundreds of very loud and rowdy people who were no doubt on the cusp of rioting or something close to it. "Look, you can't stab people, but there's sports, where you can test your physical skills… or larping, I guess, where you can use blunt weapons to hit people. But this has all been just a touch overwhelming. Do you think we could maybe, I dunno, introduce ourselves and then I can take you to the police or something and they can take care of you?"
She kissed his cheek again, hard and fast. "Dunno whit 'the police' are, darlin'. Is thon whit ye call yer ma' and pa'? But dinnae fash yersel', A'm Annabeth."
"Percy."
Grover hobbled over. "Hey, man, I called an uber. You should probably, you know, get out of here before the awe everyone is in breaks, and they suddenly all start wanting to actually ask questions about what just happened."
"I'd like to ask some questions about what just happened," replied Percy, testily. "But yeah yeah, fair enough." He turned to… Annabeth? Annabeth. "Hey, uh, let's get you out of here and maybe see if we can get someone to help you."
"Isnae thon whit ye're her for? Ye already helpit me," she answered.
"Well, I guess for now. But they can probably help you best."
— 0 —
Shockingly, the police were absolutely no help.
Given that the statue had been in the care of the government, rather than its property, the common consensus was that no one had any idea what to do or how to deal with the situation. The problem had only gotten worse when dozens of prosecutors, defense attorneys, and local legislators had been called in. A Zoom call with another dozen or so national legislators further caused the situation to deteriorate, to a point where everyone was so busy screaming and fighting with each other over what legal precedent was for the situation — and how the kentucky fried frick the precedent would even be applied — that Percy and Annabeth had been able to step out without drawing attention to themselves.
Percy plunked down to the floor of the sidewalk with a groan, rubbing at his eyes.
"T'wis fun an awl," said Annabeth beside him, "but A'm a little confusit. Where are we gettin married? Were ye tryin tae get a minister? Why were they awl screamin'? A'd rather get marriit as soon as possible sae A can change oot o this bad bairn," she added, pointing at her dress, "gin at awl possible." (A/N: gin = if)
"Look," replied Percy, tired. "I don't know how things worked in your time, but we just met. I'm not sure how I feel about this whole thing-" he paused when he saw her face fall. "Don't get me wrong," He corrected himself, hastily, "I'm super glad I was able to help you out, but it's not generally customary to marry someone I just met and don't know all that well!"
The girl's face drooped a little. "Are ye sayin' ye dinnae want tae marry me?" She sat down next to him, holding her legs and rocking back and forth a little, staring out into the street with an empty gaze. "A totally understand, dinnae misunderstand me, it's juist a little disappointin' tae know yer soulmate juist rescuit ye, but wad rather no marry ye. An A canae speir ye tae give up on yer life plans for me."
Percy looked at her, sitting there on the floor with her long, white dress poofing up around her. She was beautiful, he realized, truly realized. And it didn't necessarily have anything to do with her appearance — although she was very pretty. Rather it was that same sense of life that radiated from her. Like his nerves were on fire whenever he was near her, the blood in his veins singing. It was the look in her eye, like everything was a problem she was about to absolutely steamroll.
But so much of her confidence and strength seemed to leak out from her, leaving her confused and overwhelmed, just as Percy had been a few hours before. A few tears appeared in her eyes, which she swiped at aggressively; it was all to no avail, as more and more began to form, and eventually fall. In a few moments, she was ugly crying, sobs wracking her body.
Percy hesitated before scooching over and awkwardly rubbing circles on her back.
"Here A am," she bawled, balling her hand into a fist and hitting the ground in fury, "ruinin awthing an' makin awthing worse, an' cryin' aboot it. A guess six-hundred years doesnae actually change awl thon much. A'm still a failure, m'so sorry."
Percy took a moment to understand her words, and another to think about them. "You're not ruining anything," he told her. "I'm not a hundred percent sure what's going on, but it sounds like you've had an absolutely terrible time over the last few… centuries? And I don't really think you getting cursed for not wanting to marry a dude who wanted to use you as a slave is necessarily, um, on you. If anything, they're the ones ruining everything. Bit of a poop-head move, really."
Her tears turned into hiccuping laughs. "Ye really think sae?"
"I'm not sure my opinions and thoughts matter all that much, but yeah."
She dried her face as the tears petered out. "Well, i' any case, A'm sorry. A recognize ye dinnae want tae marry me, sae A wonae bother ye aboot it."
Percy scratched the back of his head. "Well, I never said that, either."
She stared up at him, eyes sparkling, like a thousand stars in a vast galaxy, and Percy couldn't breathe for a few seconds.
"Oh?" Was her only response.
He held out his hand, giving her a wide smile. Maybe he was making the worst mistake of his life. Maybe. Or maybe it was a really genius one. Percy, for all his doctorate work, was never one to do all that much planning.
"But first things first," he told her, "I think we need to get you out of that dress. We can hold onto it for later, but I get the feeling it's difficult to move in. And then… well, you should probably meet my family. And hey," he added, "if you're still all that interested in marrying me in a few months, ask me again."
She smiled, her teeth pearly white, face beaming like the sun, and again Percy's chest was tight, and again he couldn't breathe.
This time, it was she who took his hand.
Photography for picture credited to:
Ксения Пелевина
God bless, and y'all have a good day.