Chapter Text
Their first death wasn't gentle, but at least it was fast. Incinerated by the raid boss in front of them, a wave of flame that obliterated the rear line. The sounds around them grew to a cacophony, indistinguishable, their vision blurred and useless.
Everything snapped suddenly to silence.
They got to their feet slowly, looking around. They were dressed as if it was winter in the old world. They were alone, in a hotel room. The very same that they had logged on to Elder Tale from one last time.
In fact, here, they were Wendy, and not Void. There was no rhythmic swishing of their tail, and no sensitive ears. That spurred another thought. It was quiet, but not silent any longer. Their ears strained. They could barely hear the sound of a tv through the wall, make out footsteps and muffled chatter as someone passed by in the hallway.
But everything was grey.
They were startled by the sound of a phone ringing. Their phone. Sitting on the tiny coffee table that had been shoved into the small room. Ringing...
They answered it.
An unholy cacophony of sounds burst forth from the device, and they dropped it, clutching their head in agony. It wasn't just sounds, but words, incomprehensible despite the tone and the voices being recognizable. They sobbed. They had failed, they had failed, they had failed-
They dropped to the ground, searching for the phone to shut it off. It had slipped under the table, and they found themself on the floor, scrabbling to reach it, grunting and sobbing as tears slid down their cheeks.
They grabbed it, and the world snapped back to quiet, the unnatural noise silenced even before they had ended the call, the line dead on it's own.
Then the phone rang again, and they shrieked, dropping it. This time, it skittered away from them at an ever increasing distance. The room had expanded into twisting corridors, the phone bouncing away from them even as the ringing changed to that horrible, horrible yelling.
They stopped, breathing hard. The phone too, paused. And then it grew larger, and louder, and suddenly they were running away from the phone-
Running, and running, and running-
Then everything fell away as they shrieked, until total silence took over.
---
Their eyes snapped open suddenly. They were still wearing the same clothes they had been in the old world - a warm teal fuzzy jacket, and red jeans. They breathed hard, wiping at their eyes and finding no tears there. Their tail twitched behind them, fox ears straining for any sound. There was mostly silence, the occasional plink and a sort of gentle chiming sound, as of broken glass rolling around, which correlated to...
They gasped softly, staring at the scene before them. They were on a beach of white sand. Before them, endless blue waters stretched out, almost blending with dark blue sky at the horizon. Sparkling white fragments rose up from the water, disappearing into the distance high above them, far far away.
It was beautiful.
They didn't understand it.
They crouched at the waters edge, cupping their hands and letting water pool within them. They raised it up, watching as the water slowly seeped between their fingers, dripping back to the beach.
They let out a strangled sound as they began to glow, falling to one knee.
"Wait-" they choked out. From them convalesced one of the shimmering fragments, the glow around them disappearing. They watched it with dismay. Something that they had once possessed was gone now - a shimmering memory, that was already impossible to recall. They saw flickers across the shard, before it was flying away from them. They fell to their knees.
They had died. And that was the cost. What memory had they lost forever?
Loneliness hit them like a freight train as they collapsed the rest of the way into the sand. This place was beautiful, but they were isolated, even the sound of their collapse muffled as if in snow.
As they calmed down, their mind seemed to return to them. This wasn't failure. They shifted, legs sideways under them as they sat in the sand. This was...just a mistake. They had made a mistake. Others had made mistakes. And they had died because of it. With the pain of losing the memory fading, it was easier to come to terms with it. They would do better.
They wished not to be alone any longer - and at that moment, they disappeared.
---
"Welcome back," William's voice cut through as they sat up, rubbing at their head. They weren't in the Cathedral - of course not. This was a raid. They were at the gate.
"Did we win?" Someone asked.
"Not this time. We learned a lot of valuable information," William said. He paused, meeting Void's lost looking gaze. "Strategist, over here."
"Void!" Naotsugu came bounding over, Tetra at his side, and Shiroe not far behind. "Geez, we messed up big time, huh?"
"I'm so sorry my heals didn't come in time!" Tetra bowed her head, palms pressed together in front of her.
"It's okay," Void replied, and they meant it. "We all made mistakes this time."
They turned their attention to Shiroe as he approached. He looked hesitant, uncertain.
"Welcome back," he said, offering them a hand. They took it, letting him help pull them to their feet. They only noticed then that Naotsugu and Tetra had moved away. It still wasn't properly private, with everyone else who had died getting to their feet, but Void appreciated the gesture.
"Thanks." They breathed in, wanting to tell Shiroe everything. They found they couldn't recall exactly what they'd seen now - just that there had been something . There had been stress, and failure, and...something sad, but beautiful. "I...died."
They wanted to hug him, to embrace him - but they held themself back. They knew he was uncomfortable with that in front of everyone, and they could see the exhaustion in his eyes. He wouldn't stop them, but at the same time...they knew the strain it would put on him, even as it would have eased their own burden.
His expression softened. "You did." He looked like he might say more, but decided against it, settling for taking their hand. They squeezed gently in response, and he smiled wearily.
He led them back to camp, as thoughts swirled in their mind.
---
"You seem a little down since..." Naotsugu frowned, sitting down on a rock next to Void. He handed Void a plate of food.
"I suppose so," Void replied, taking the food with a quietly offered thanks. They couldn't help it - their eyes flicked to Shiroe sitting alone at a table, food mostly untouched, strategizing. "Can you blame me?"
"No," Naotsugu said, sighing. "Is it the dying that's bugging you more, or Shiroe?"
Void chuckled. "Isn't that a little blunt?" They joked.
"Sorry," Naotsugu grinned sheepishly. "I'm not that good at this stuff. But I'm here, if you want."
"...I don't think you'll understand what it is about dying. And neither will Shiroe. I can't explain it...I felt the cost of it deep inside me." They fell quiet for a moment. "And Shiroe...I know you've noticed too. He's worried about something. I don't know what it is. It's more than just the raids themselves...he doesn't have time to worry about my weird post-death existential crisis." Void snorted at themself, before taking a forkful of food and putting it into their mouth.
"Void," Naotsugu set his chopsticks down, "Shiroe cares about you. He would want to help you-"
"I know," Void interrupted. "I know that. And that's why I can't tell him. He's worried enough. He doesn't need to worry more."
Naotsugu let out a small, exasperated sigh. "But that's- that's what he does . Worry. Look far, far into the future. But if he knew that you were upset-"
"I'll think about it, okay?" Void replied, not meeting his gaze. "Don't- don't tell him. He should hear it from me," their voice dropped, "if from anyone."
Naotsugu looked at them dubiously.
"Well this is a glum looking duo," Tetra said brightly, skipping up to them. "Death got you down?"
"Something like that," Void replied.
"It's a lot, isn't it?" Tetra said, looking unusually sympathetic. Void could tell that she had experienced it from her expression, and they relaxed.
"It is," they agreed.
Naotsugu looked ready to speak, and Void kicked his shin. He was probably going to suggest they talk to Tetra about it more and that was the last thing they wanted to do. They didn't want to do that. If there was anyone they should talk to...
"Actually, I just remembered something I need to do," they said, getting to their feet with their food in hand. "I'll be back."
"Byyyyye!" Tetra waved and blew them a kiss, which they pointedly ignored as they turned away. They could hear Naotsugu whining a bit at them, but they ignored that too. They had a mission.
William was standing by himself, just beyond a table where a plate of food sat half eaten. His arms were crossed as he faced the waterfall. Void could only assume his gaze and his mind were truly elsewhere as he stood in contemplative silence.
They set their plate down with enough force to make a sound, subtly notifying William of their presence. If he noticed he made no response as they drew closer.
"William..." Now that they were here, they truthfully weren't sure what to say. "I wanted to talk to you."
He looked over his shoulder at them, motioning with one hand for them to join him. They ducked their head, walking to stand next to him. They stood like that in silence for a moment, Void glancing awkwardly between William and the waterfall.
"Well?" He asked, raising his brows. Void licked their lips, considering their words. They had rarely spoken to William, though they respected the way he led the raid teams. When they needed something, or had a question or concern outside of battle, they went to Shiroe. Always Shiroe. But now...
"I...died," they said, eyeing the ground. "And Shiroe...doesn't understand."
"Ah," William replied, closing his eyes. He opened them again, looking at Void. "I'm sure he doesn't. It isn't something one can fathom until you've experienced it yourself. The sense of loss...and failure."
"Yeah..." Void put their hands to their chest, taking a deep breath. "How do you stand it?" The words slipped out of their mouth unbidden.
William grinned, letting out an amused exhale. "I learn from it. To me, it's not a reason to quit, but a reason to move forward and do better next time. I had plenty of failures in the real world...there was nothing I particularly cared about, and so I failed, time and time ago." His grin had turned into a wry smile as he spoke, gaze going back to the waterfall. "Is it so new to you?"
They considered that. Life had been full of setbacks, some that had been so damning as to promise to go on for the rest of their life.
"No," they replied simply. "It isn't. Not at all."
"Then you should approach it the same way," he said, meeting their gaze again, "knowing you aren't even a little bit alone."
Void hummed thoughtfully. Almost everyone here at camp had died at least once since arriving in this world that so closely mimicked Elder Tale . Truly, it was the norm rather than the exception. Somehow that hadn't occurred to them. They had largely kept their company to Shiroe, Naotsugu, and (regrettably) Tetra, but William's words made them reconsider the wisdom of that decision. So many here were intimately familiar with death and failure in this world.
"I understand." Void fell silent, staring out at the waterfall before dropping their gaze to the ground again. There were people they could connect to other than Shiroe...they had understood this in Akiba. But why here and now did this knowledge, so clear and obvious, fail them?
The image of Shiroe's back as he hunched over something at the table came to mind. It grew distant from them. That was the reason. Because Shiroe felt far away. He was keeping something from them, and from everyone, not sharing his burden. They had wanted to show him he could lighten his load by sharing with them...but no. That wasn't the whole story. They had wanted his attention, feeling unseen and lost, even as they refused to vocalize those thoughts.
"Well then?" William broke the silence, looking at them.
"Hm?"
"Are you gonna call it quits then, Void?" William asked, a ghost of a grin on his face, as if he already knew the answer.
"No, of course not," Void replied, furrowing their brow with a frown. "I couldn't possibly do that."
"Hmph." William nodded his approval. "I didn't think you were the type to quit."
"Never have been. Back in the real world, there was never much of a choice, the way I saw it," Void explained. "There is here. But even so...like you said, I'm used to failure. I faced it all the time before. And here, the setbacks, the cost...is less than what I faced back then."
The number of chronic injuries they had accrued was ridiculous for someone their age, or so they were often told. The latest had yet to be resolved or gotten under control - they resisted the urge to crack their wrist as they recalled it. But here, all of that had been wiped away. There was no concept of chronic pain, and no concept of parents who refused to respect their boundaries. So many obstacles had been removed. They couldn't allow themself to give up.
"You're a fighter, Void," William replied, nodding approvingly. "I wondered what you would be like...the strategist's chosen partner. I knew you had to be good, but I worried that if your motivation was driven only by Shiroe, you might not be reliable."
Void felt their cheeks flush a bit a that, but William continued.
"I misunderstood your will and motivations, and so you've proven me very wrong," he said, offering them an apologetic smile, "and I am honored to have you fight by my side."
"Thank you," Void ducked their head, "but truly, the honor is mine. I have participated in raids before, but I've never successfully led one, let alone such a difficult one. I have much to learn from you."
William chuckled. "Get some rest."
Void grinned. "Yes, sir!"