Archive of Our Own

Shinra knew how to read people to a pretty okay-ish extent. He knew when Maki's anger spiked because her shoulders tensed, and he knew when Obi was about to give a speech due to the way his chest expanded whenever he breathed out. He saw the way Viktor's attention heightened around Joker and took note of the way Hinawa's gaze grew softer at the sight of a stray cat. They were little indicators. Each eye twitch or nose scrunch meant something else, and he didn't mind analysing a persons face just to get to the bottom of it.

Shinra could also tell when Arthur was spiralling. It was different than when Tamaki's frustration hit a wall and tears welled up in her eyes during training or when Ogun's sigh was so awfully heavy that Shinra was sure he'd never recover.

No, Arthur was subtle and weird. During lunch, instead of using ketchup with his rice, he'd use mayonnaise. Despite Shinra wanting to gag at the other's taste, he noticed that with a surprised blink before cursing himself for paying so much attention to his co-worker.

The blonde liked to brag and show off, but his eyes were slightly dimmed, and he was out of breath much quicker than anyone else after fighting down an infernal. If Shinra hadn't been concerned by then, he got increasingly more concerned when he noticed the constant lingering and gazing.

In any other situation, he would have found it annoying or thrown Arthur a ridiculously bad flirt so the other would cringe in disgust and go away, but not this time. No matter where he went or what he did, the blonde seemed to have the illusion that he'd too have to know or be there. Going to the kitchen to get food would result in Arthur making himself a sandwich, and if he went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, Shinra could be sure to see two bright blue eyes follow him. It was starting to get on his nerves, but he didn't say anything because he knew that the blonde had limits too.

And so, Shinra endured the constant following around and being watched for two whole weeks, until one night.

Arthur woke up silently. Blinking up at the wooden bedframe above him, confused as to why he was even awake.

There had been times, when he was younger, where he wished that his nightmares were like the ones you'd see in movies. The protagonist wakes up, drenched in sweat and tears, immediately sitting up to have some life-changing vision. Arthur always woke up silently. Tears usually came much later, if they even came at all.

His chest felt heavy, wanting to drag him down with it. Arthur parted his lips to inhale the cold air in the room, exhaling it in a soft and repeating pattern, like he always did in nights like these. The breathing exercise he had looked up online years ago only did so much, but it helped his awfully racing heart. The blanket felt restricting, but when he raised his arms to pool them off, he felt exhausted from the little bit of movement.

Arthur was tired. He wanted to go back to sleep, but he didn't want to go back to his dreams. That kind of thinking had actually caused him to be running low on energy in the last few days. He had been on edge, snapping at people for no reason and feeling the air in his lungs threaten to suffocate him.

Water. He needed water, Arthur decided as he licked over his chapped lips, gulping down spit as if that would do any good.

With an exhausted sigh, Arthur forced his body to obey as he sat up, a heavy feeling in his chest as if someone was trying to press him back into the cold sheets. Dragging his legs one by one over the edge of the wooden bed frame, he cringed as his naked feet hit the cold floor. A shiver ran down his spine, and he had the urge to hide in something warm. But there was no one to hold him; there never was.

Arthur flexed his neck, trying to get rid of the unusual thoughts. He was a determined person, strong by heart and fierce by soul. Or something like that. The blonde felt his muscles scream at him to lie back down as he threw off the sheets and stood up, knees wobbly from the sudden weight shift. Arthur frowned, almost annoyed at how hard everything seemed to be. In the corner of his eye, his brain detected movement, and he looked up, blinking to clear his blurry vision.

RIght. He had a roommate.

In the past five minutes, he forgot that he wasn't alone in his room. In their room. Flashes of the other boy passed his vision in the form of memories, as if he needed to be reminded of what his closest friend looked like. Arthur wasn't sure if they were friends. Maybe more. Probably less.

He gritted his teeth at the thoughts. They were always so annoyingly pessimistic after nights like these, and he didn't like it. Everyone who spent more than a few minutes near Arthur could figure out that the boy was pretty much in his own world. Some called him imaginative, others delusional, but with the unique and odd characters and personalities, he didn't stand out all too much. Which was probably for the best. Ridiculous positivity had always been his strong suit, and it rivalled Shinra's only by a few points. Thinking realistically or pessimistively was always something he avoided; intruisive thoughts were a pain in the ass.

Ultimatively, yes, Arthur believed what he told others, speeches of knights and dragons being the one thing he could hang on to, but there were nights like these, when his brain decided to take him a notch down and force some harsh reality into him, right before he'd get himself up the next day. He was alone in this; he needed to be his own hero—Knight. Saviour. Whatever it was.

It was a routine at this point, but that didn't make it any easier.

More movement in the back of their room brought him back from his winding thoughts, and Arthur silently cursed himself for standing there like a creep, staring into the distance. He blinked. Again, trying to register what exactly his roommate was doing.

Ah. Shinra was brushing his teeth. In the bathroom, it seemed. Or that's where he thought the light came from. He gulped down more of his own spit, fighting down a cough that was trying to sneak its way up from his lung. Subconciously, he raised his hand, rubbing his eye to gain more clarity over the situation and brush a few loose strands of blonde hair behind his ear.

Wait. Why the fuck was Shinra brushing his teeth in the middle of the damn night?

Arthur straightened his back, almost wincing at the way his spine popped. Sluggish and with oddly precise movement, as if he needed to calculate every step, he stumbled over to their shared bathroom. Each step felt antagonizingly slow, and he felt nunmbness spread into his toes because of how cold their floor was. A small room with no windows, a bathtub and a shower, a toilet, and a sink. 'Everything two boys could need', he recalled Obi saying somewhere in the back of his mind.

Arthur's awfully slow appearance in the bathroom door had apparently caught Shinra's attention. The blonde recognised the tone and sound of his friend's voice, but his brain didn't register a single world. Why was everything so fuzzy? He felt another shiver run down his spine. He should have probably worn more than just a shirt to bed. Why did he wear a shirt to bed? He was alone; he could sleep naked for all he cared. Sol, he had to get a grip; this was starting to get embarrassing.

"Arthur?"

Said boy blinked. Again. Why was he blinking so much?

The sound of his name being spoken in such an irritated tone got his attention, and his gaze trailed up from where it had settled on the floor, trying to find Shinra's face. He did, eventually.

"Arthur." This time, the other's voice was harsh. Was he annoyed?

"Hm?" The sound slipped out before he could even start to process his thoughts; he cringed at how hoarse his voice sounded. His eyes scimmed over Shinra's face again, taking in the way his lips were parted into a small frown. His eyebrows were furrowed, less than when he was enraged, more than when he was content. He'd memorised his roommates face by now, each line and dot giving away emotions that probably only he could see. Arthur could feel the muscles in his face mirror the other's expression, frowning automatically as even more confusion took over him.

He hadn't done anything to rile the other up; why was he in a bad mood?

"I asked if you were alright. You look like crap." Shinra's voice interrupted Arthur's thoughts, and he exhaled some of the air in his lungs; it felt painful, as if his heart was too heavy and his lungs were too small.

"Yes. Uhm…" His own voice sounded foreign, and he didn't even realise the joking insult that the other had thrown at him. He cleared his throat and nodded as if to agree; that would be enough to make the other boy back off.

"I'm just thirsty, sorry."

The apology slipped out unconsciously, and he missed the way Shinra's face expression changed almost immediately as he pushed past the other boy. Arthur grabbed one of the plastic cups they had stacked in the bathroom for exactly this reason and filled it with water. He could feel his hand shake at every action, but he forced his body to move with him, quickly gulping down the cold water.

It felt good, running down his throat and soothing the itch that sat in it. The entire action passed by too quickly, and before he could register what he was doing, the cup landed in their trash bin. He frowned again, if he ever even stopped doing so. His hand had automatically made the decision to throw away the cup, but he was still thirsty.

As he heard his own thoughts, he felt annoyance build up again. Why was everything so hard all of a sudden? A simple decision was similar to attempting to lift three cars, and the second guessing for every single decision was starting to make him feel restless.

A warm hand on his arm made him flinch, and he spun around, eyes widening, as he registered Shinra's presence next to him. Things had started to clear. He realised how cold everything was and how warm and soothing Shinra's hand was. If Arthur hadn't been so puzzled, he'd probably laugh at how desperate he was. Maybe he was just tired; he should fix his sleeping schedule.

"Arthur? Can you grab my hand?"

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows at that. Of course he could grab his hand.

But he didn't. Instead of trying to form words, he nodded, trying to convince the other that he could. That this was fine, that this was normal, and that he'd just need a good cry session, three attempts at solving his coping mechanism, followed by three failures in doing so, and then he'd be good to go for another month or two. This was just routine; this was his brain's way of rebooting and making sure he didn't completely lose himself. He didn't need Shinra to try and comfort him. He was fine on his own; he always had been.

"Okay. Let's go somewhere more comfortable." Shinra's tone was soft. So much softer than it usually was, and the words emptied out all the thoughts in the blonde's brain. Something inside Arthur stirred, and he felt fuzzy all over again. As he felt a calloused hand slip into his and pull, he could do nothing more than follow, stumbling over the cold air as he was being dragged just a few steps. Just a few, and the bright light of their bathroom was gone, and they stood in the slightly illuminated bedroom. He guessed that it was the moon or maybe Shinra's ridiculously bright alarm clock. The hand that was holding his pulled away, and the warm fuzzy feeling left an instant. He felt a different emotion claw at his throat: distress. He wasn't one to feel anxious easily, quite the opposite, but something about Shinra leaving so suddenly, tugged at his heartstrings.

Arthur was one moment away from calling out to the other, demanding an explanation or some sort of logical thought, when Shinra appeared again, this time much closer. "Relax; I just turned off the bathroom light. I'm here now," his friend mumbled, hands coming to rest on Arthur's arms.

Arthur felt his heart stutter at the sound of Shinra's voice and the meaning of his words. For the first time tonight, he saw the other boy clearly. His face wasn't torn into an angry or frustrated expression; instead, there was genuine worry and confusion. Arthur felt his heart melt at the sight, and he felt like dying for a second, almost finding it funny when Shinra's face distorted into panic.

"Wait, did I say something wrong? I didn't mean to— ugh." The other cut himself off and took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a split second to gather his thoughts. The blonde knew that neither of them were good with words; they'd rather use actions to get their point across, but Shinra had always been better at talking to people. Arthur tilted his head ever so slightly, and he felt the corners of his lips twitch into a smile, taking in the sight of the other boy trying his best at comforting him. Everything about the black-haired boy was suddenly so… gentle.

Shinra and 'gentle' weren't something Arthur had ever imagined to fit together; that was a word he'd describe Iris with, or a soft breeze on a summer evening, but not the devil's footprints. He was stubborn and harsh like a storm—something you'd have to tame and wrestle with, not someone that would hold your hand and reassure you. Every argument and discussion ended up with them rolling through the dirt, and each misunderstanding would escalate into a heated fight. Arthur knew that Shinra had a soft spot for his brother, cats, and girls that wore white dresses. Not like he minded, but he'd always thought that small smiles and soft gazes were reserved for other things, but it seems that he was wrong. The way Shinra's red eyes were filled with tenderness, reserved specially for him, made his lungs feel lighter and his mind clearer. Arthur could decipher that despite the dim light and the slightly blurry vision he was carrying since waking up.

He felt tears well up in his eyes at that realisation, and he frowned as he noticed. He hadn't cried in years; this wasn't his thing. Before Arthur had the chance to pull back and hurriedly brush away the stray tears that were stubbornly escaping his eyes, he felt himself be drawn closer. Something in the back of his mind chided him that knights really weren't supposed to cry, but the whisper died down at the feeling of his roommates hands on his skin. Shinra determinedly held his arms down, preventing him from raising them, as they stood face to face, noses almost brushing. Arthur felt even worse at the sight of how much the other tried to help and turned his head away.

"Oh, stop it. None of that now." was murmured into his ears as Shinra's arms trailed up, cupping Arthur's face with utter care, catching his gaze with a determined expression. On any other day, the blonde would have mocked him about being cheesy or weird, but the warmth that spread through his face below the other's finger tips silenced him.

"I'd be a lousy hero if I can't even figure out what's troubling the knight-king, right?" Shinra hummed, the tip of his thumb catching stray tears, and his lips turned into a hopeful smile. Arthur huffed as the sentence caught him off guard but managed to make his mouth twitch. "You're a lousy hero anyway," he replied, voice on the verge of breaking and words slurring together as his tongue felt oddly numb. Shinra rolled his eyes, and Arthur felt his heart skip a beat at the familiar gesture.

"Come on. Let's lie down; it's late."

The blonde just nodded, sniffling silently as he was guided back to bed, too exhausted to try and protest or push back. The usual arrogance had been beaten out of him by an unpleasent dream, and he didn't have much power left to try and act as his usual self. Shinra was pushing his shoulders back into the cushions as soon as he sat down on the soft mattress. Arthur huffed, half amused at the boy's stubborn act and half exhausted from his mind running in circles around what was happening.

Shinra sat on the edge of the bed, red eyes watching as Arthur shifted with sluggish movements, trying to find a comfortable position below the thick sheets.

The blonde stopped not shortly after, reaching out with his hand to tug at the other boy's arm, who suppressed a prideful huff and instead hummed, pushing his body to lie down next to Arthur. He sighed with relief at the closure the other provided. His own bed always felt so awfully cold and empty without someone else, and Arthur was glad that his roommate wasn't being weird about it. With Shinra this close, the blanket felt warmer, and his pillow didn't feel so suffocating.

Quite the opposite, actually. Shinra, now on his back, lifted the arm closest to Arthur and nudged him, pulling him in by his shoulder. The blonde's thought process had never been quick or very good, and so he simply complied, throwing one leg over the others knee and placing his head on Shinra's chest as he shuffled into his side; the warmth and steady breathing of his roommate were more than enough to lure him in. His arm was slung over Shinra's lower torso, holding him as if he could disappear any second. Shinra was real, after all. A person forged from flesh and bones that wouldn't break if he held on too tightly. Arthur shivered, and he felt his muscles relax against his own will as he practically melted into his roommates embrace.

He was probably a lousy cuddler, Arthu thought as Shinra's legs shifted to comfortably make way for his knee. He'd never imagined being this close to his closest friend, the boy who was supposedly his rival. They had shared beds before, crawling below the covers of the other's blanket when they felt alone or a certain emergency had hit too close to home, but they had never touched, never held each other, or wiped away each other's tears. Arthur quickly found that he preferred it when Shinra's arm was wrapped around him and he could hear his breathing next to his ear, tears slowly drying.

The soft and steady beating of Shinra's heart sounded in Arthur's mind, his own breaths coming out in soft huffs as his mind was grasping at straws to make sure that he'd be safe.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The other boy asked, hand trailing down to securely hold a grip onto Arthur's waist. The blonde hummed in response, slightly shaking his head as much as their position allowed him to. He really didn't—afraid that what they had would break or his words would fail him.

A soft and barely noticeable sniff escaped him, and he fought down tears for the second time tonight. Arthur was pretty sure that he'd never be able to look into Shinra's eyes after tonight, and he silently cursed whoever was up there for making him so prone to watering eyes.

He could feel Shinra's head turn slowly, his free hand softly cupping Arthur's jaw, rubbing soothing circles into the skin with his thumb. Curse him. Always so damn understanding and never harsh enough to let him deal with issues on his own when they became serious. The blonde leaned into the touch as soft sobs spilt from his lips, and he felt salty drops run down his face. This time, Shinra didn't shush him, merely brushing away the tears as he stayed silent. Arthur let out a shaky breath, inhaling Shinra's own smell of smoke that always lingered around him and finding comfort in it. He smushed his cheek into the navy shirt of his roommate, hoping to stiffle at least a few pathethic sobs.

He'd allow himself to be selfish, like he always did, but tonight was different. Tonight, Shinra's presence provided an odd sense of comfort that Arthur had only ever pulled from his delusions. The only difference was that his roommate was very much real and very close to him.

He wasn't going to leave.

Shinra had stayed, for now at least.

"I had a bad dream too." Shinra suddenly started, his hand not faltering one bit as he kept on tracing the edges of Arthur's jawline, catching stray tears as they ran down his cheeks. The sudden raising of his voice caught Arthur off guard, and he was pulled out from sinking into his thoughts once again. Shinra waited patiently, letting the blonde cease his sniffles and calm his hectic breathing. After a few minutes, Arthur felt a bit lighter, and he pressed closer into Shinra's side. They had all the time in the world, or so he thought, and Arthur felt the others heads tilt slightly, breath ghosting against his forehead.

"I dreamt about my mom. And my brother… but mostly my mom. This time at least." He elaborated, and Arthur felt his heart stir at the last part. "I was back in our house, but I was older. The house never caught fire, and she was there, cooking something on the stove. I think I just got back from work. It was… nice. Pieceful…" Shinra mumbled, his voice pleasant in the ears of the blonde boy, words spoken like he was talking about some pleasant memory.

"And then I woke up." The other boy's voice didn't crack or break, but there was some sort of defeat wavering in his tone that caught the blonde's attention. Arthur knew what had happened. Shinra often talked about his brother and his mom, the things that had happened, and the things that he'd do. The blonde had always listened when his roommate would tell him about little things, like the way his mom used to make warm milk or sing Sho to sleep whenever the toddler got antsy. Shinra only ever told him about 'back then', never about now. Arthur knew about nightmares, but he never knew about their content.

Trying to reciprocate the comforting touch on his jaw, he tilted his head to nuzzle into Shinra's palm, resisting the urge to press a small kiss onto it. He could hear Shinra's heartbeat, the soft thumping sounding in his head in a steady rhythm, and he traced a random pattern onto the other's chest. Arthur felt the thumb on his jaw halt before resuming to rub circles into the skin. He heard Shinra's breath leave his throat as if he wanted to say something but didn't, and Arthur didn't push.

"You should talk to someone. Not to me. Maybe not even a person, just get it off your chest." Shinra finally breathed out, and Arthur could tell that they weren't his words, that he'd borrowed them from a book or a person, but he didn't care. They lay there in silence for a bit, Arthur listening to the beat of his roommate's heart and Shinra taking in the other's warmth. The blonde's gaze subconciously flickered towards the clock on his bedside table.

03:17

He felt tired, but he didn't want tomorrow to come. He didn't want to peel himself away from Shinra and his soft hands, not when he'd been starved for touch ever since he'd woken up alone in his home.

Arthur hestitated, trying to form words with his tongue that would be doomed appropriate. He silently cursed his roommate for being so damn observant when it came to other humans. A soft hum from above told Arthur that Shinra was listening, and so the blonde tossed away the last shivers of pride that had lurked in the edges of his mind, keeping him from admitting that his fantasies were just desperate delusions. Arthur huffed in annoyance over his own stubborn manners and shifted closer to Shinra as if that could cure him in some sort of way. He'd always imagined this be the other way around. That he'd have to console the devil and wipe away his tears, playing the knight in shining armour for the poor soul next to him.

The thought made his throat dry up.

"My parents aren't bad people." Arthur stated, defending himself automatically, and if it had been any other day, he was sure that Shinra would have rolled his eyes at that, but he was just met with patient silence that made him uneasy.

"I think I ran out of food by the second week," he mumbled as if recalling a funny memory, and he nodded, agreeing with himself as the fog in his mind seemed to lift. Arthur would always think back to the small portioned rations; they had been poor after all, and canned goods were the cheapest thing on the market. He barely took note of the way that Shinra's hold tightened around his waist, keeping him close. "They had every reason to leave; saving the world is more important than taking care of a single child. Quantity over quality—no, the other way around? …I don't even remember what I dreamt. It just…" Arthur felt his voice trail off after realising that he was speaking nonsense.

"…felt weird. I don't know." He admitted and decided to stop talking, not even sure what he was trying to say. Before he could think about his next sentence or do something to avoid the air between them becoming awkward, he felt the body below him shift and turn. Arthur tensed up, briefly wondering if Shinra's had enough of his blabbering and left him for good, but the other boy had simply repositioned to lie on his side. The blonde immediately mourned after the other's touch, blinking away confusion as he got to look at Shinra's face, unable to decipher the expression he wore. Hestitant hands sneaked between them, searching for Arthur's beneath the sheets. The blonde's heart stuttered, but he didn't pull away, instead trying to memorise the warmth in his palms as their fingers softly intertwined.

"I'm not gonna leave like they did." Shinra's tone was reassuring, and Arthur wanted to shake him properly for being so damn good at seeing through him. The blonde wasn't bad at lying, nor was he specifically good, but his roommate could always tell when he deceived Maki into thinking he didn't eat her last chocolate bar. Arthur wanted to slip out of the space between the wall and his roommate, turn back the time, and pretend he'd never been so vulnerable in front of his closest friend, but the soft grip on his hands stopped him from doing so. "You talk in your sleep." Shinra elaborated, and Arthur cringed at that.

A soft hum broke through the silence as his roommate saw the frown on the blonde's lips. "Don't worry, it's never more than a few words, and it's usually the same." Shinra reassured and pulled his hands back, opening his arms to invite him in. Arthur hestiated for a second before the crooked smile on the other's lips convinced him to trust the other, and he shifted closer. He sighed as warm arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him close once again. Arthur returned the embrace in no time, pressing his body against the other's and hiding his face in the crook of his neck. Their bodies slotted together perfectly, like small puzzle pieces.

"I won't ever leave." Shinra's reassuring voice was so close to his own ear that Arthur felt a shiver run down his spine, and all he could do was nod helplessly, inhaling the scent that lingered around Shinra and feeling the shirt on the tips of his fingers. The numbness in his chest had vanished, and instead, there sat warmth and, absurdly enough, love.

"I promise."

Arthur murmured a low thanks because he really didn't know how a normal person should be responding to such a statement, muffled by the other's collarbone and their closeness. He could feel a hand slip into his golden hair, and his heart felt like melting as Shinra ran his fingers through it, twisting stray locks and entangling tiny knots. Faintly, he registered the ticking of his clock and the calmness seeping into his bones, wishing that they could stay like this forever. He entangled his legs with Shinra's, making sure that they wouldn't drift apart by accident, and pretended to ignore the statisfied hum that left his roommates lips. Touch had always been his favourite. No matter how much his superiors would praise him or how much time he would spend with his co-workers, the warmth of someone else's body so close to his made his breath even and his heart open up. Especially if it was Shinra's.

Somewhere in their bundle of limbs he registered a murmur, but Arthur's eyelids felt too heavy from crying, and Shinra's hold was too comforting to stay awake much longer. He didn't bother to move out of the others hold, pressing impossibly closer and feeling comfortably held as the arms around him thightened their grip. Arthur felt better than he had in months, and the intrusive thoughts were replaced by the soft repeating of Shinra's voice: I won't ever leave.

It didn't take long for Shinra to join the other in his sleep; the two boys were holding each other to make sure that neither would be haunted by nightmares. If Arthur stirred in his sleep, the other would instinctively run his fingers through his hair and coax him back into a deep slumber, and if Shinra shifted with a sour expression, Arthur made sure to keep him close with a sleepdrunken whisper to 'go back to sleep'.

The sky outside slowly turned with the clock, and the night faded into the morning, stars vanishing to make way for the sun's bright light. After that night, the two would share subtle touches and reminders. Brushing past each other one bit too close, sitting shoulder to shoulder at dinner, or intertwining their hands when driving home in the matchbox.

The nighmares wouldn't leave, but neither would they, staying by each other's side as long as life allowed them to.