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"Who could have predicted that having you around would prove useful someday?"
The voice was scattered in her mind. She was nowhere and everywhere all at once, with their tests being hard to recall.
She figured this is what Nemu must’ve felt like when she was stuck here.
Kanae firmly believed that she had received the harshest outcome amongst them all. She paused for a moment.
Well, one of them.
Nemu was nothing but a pampered princess who had everything laid out for her.
The only reason this happened was because she wanted to leave.
How utterly selfish of her.
Kanae couldn't help but harbor resentment towards Nemu. She watched their project flourish because of her efforts, only for it to all be for nothing.
All because of one stupid guy who had no special qualities to him, besides his hidden sadistic pleasure for harm and pain.
Beyond that single attribute, she struggled to fathom what attracted Nemu to him.
The person overseeing Kanae was about to perform their routine procedure, syringe in hand.
"True bliss comes at a cost," the observer mused as they prepared the chemicals.
"For the chance at 'Paradise,' we must give up all we possess."
She held up Kanae's arm“ You understand that don’t you? “
She felt numb.
Her mother spoke coldly, " Your failure has led us to view you as a backup. You should be grateful for this.”
She was grateful, she was being recognized for all her hard work.
By being a liability to that very process.
Guess they were running out of useful subjects so they resorted to whoever they got.
At least her mom was finally looking at her.
Not as a daughter, but as a valued test subject.
Maybe if she was still a child, she would've been happy for this attention, but all she wants now is to scoff at this ironic display.
‘Through difficulties to honors and through hardships to Paradise right mom?’
A smile was on her mother’s face, excited to inflict that pain to achieve their goal. “Now then, shall we get started?”
✦ ✦ ✦
The cramped apartment was becoming increasingly troublesome.
Kanae roamed from room to room, failing to find solace anywhere.
She even tried the balcony, but even stargazing couldn't soothe her.
The stars triggered thoughts of her nightmare and Nemu, causing further distress.
That place where in almost every scenario, they faced death.
Although the constant threat of death didn't necessarily frighten her, the memories were starting to wear her down.
The thought of THAT place was now bothering her.
It never bothered her.
It shouldn’t have bothered her.
She wasn’t opposed to that way of life, the thought of living in a simulated world was reassuring. They would give her happy simulated dreams with her family. Or maybe they would give her a higher position.
Though only a simulated one. She would know it’s not real, she would never be oblivious to it.
Nemu may have felt the same.
Or maybe they would’ve put her through the worst.
Maybe they would discard her anyway.
Maybe she could have some more fun with HIM again.
A bet that was compulsive yet spontaneous.
Multiple outcomes with the majority wishing the worst.
In fact, it was very liberating.
Her shaky hand said otherwise.
‘Stupid little-’
She went into the fridge to find something to ease her thoughts, she was better than this. She didn’t have emotions like this.
She found a carton of orange juice and poured herself a glass.
The cool liquid felt soothing on her throat, but not on her mind.
She needed something stronger.
At this rate she would start thinking about how all her hard work to be at the top meant nothing, one simple action ruined her chances of being something more-
She found a bottle of vodka.
‘Perfect.’
She gulped a big portion of it down without hesitation.
She felt nothing.
She drank some more.
Nothing was working.
She looked at the orange juice.
She mixed the glass of orange juice with the vodka.
She felt nothing.
(“She’s not as responsive, we have to give her something more stimulating-”)
She added more alcohol.
She was feeling a bit better.
It wasn’t enough.
She would be back to normal by morning, but one more drink couldn't hurt.
She felt her body sway.
She needed something else.
(“Vitals are stable, maybe cut a piece open for a different outcome-”)
She checked Keisuke’s bag, he always had something lethal in there.
She found a few weapons and important papers scattered inside.
He was still so unorganized.
But within that chaotic mess, was one thing that caught her eye.
A small taser.
✦ ✦ ✦
A tranquil night, free from major concerns.
Keisuke had come to appreciate the tranquil stability of the last few months, realizing the comfort of having a true home.
And the contentment of no longer being alone.
They knew they would eventually need to prepare for a possible departure if their location was discovered. But they had been diligent in their precautions thus far.
Things were quiet, it was the same pleasant silence that he always heard.
Until lots of sounds of things breaking broke that silence.
Followed by a muffled crackling noise.
Keisuke tried to ignore it, but the sounds didn’t stop.
As he slid under the bedcovers, he felt someone else stirring alongside him.
She, too, was also trying to sleep soundly.
Nemu held onto him like he was a huge pillow, but he couldn't shake off the unsettling noises coming from the kitchen. The racket was driving him insane, making sleep impossible.
He hoped the sound would magically disappear if he simply ignored it.
But glass shards shattering once more shattered his hopes.
He groaned in annoyance, guess someone was robbing their apartment at 2 in the fucking morning.
Whatever, he could take them on; it was just a mishap.
And whoever was in his home would regret messing with his sleep schedule.
“‘Kei-Chan…?” Nemu tugged on his shirt and looked at him worriedly. She was a light sleeper.
“I’ll be back okay? Someone’s in the apartment, but I’ll take care of it.”
Her eyes widened in fear, “It..it isn’t-“
“No it’s not any of them” he quickly reassured her.
He doubted it would be anyone from any organizations trying to kidnap her. They wouldn’t be making that much noise.
He would know if it was anyone dangerous, whoever this was, he could handle.
“Stay here.”
She nodded, waiting in his room as he shut the door.
He sneaks around through the dimly lit living room and into the kitchen, following the sound’s origins.
The noise grew louder as he approached.
He heard someone’s else’s voice.
“Need…*hic* some..more..” That same loud crackling noise as before was no longer muffled. ”Ah!-“
‘What the..’
Keisuke squinted, trying to make sense of the scene unfolding in front of him.
Kanae was rummaging through the kitchen cabinets, clutching a bottle of vodka in one hand and a taser in the other. The electric charge from the taser intermittently lit up the room, casting eerie shadows.
Broken glass lay scattered all over the floor, evidence of some sort of disturbance. Next to them was a half-empty glass of orange juice on the table.
Questions raced through his head as he watched her, bewildered.
Keisuke glanced at his bag, realizing that’s where she must have retrieved the taser from.
Natsuki had given him some items to hold onto for safe keeping, but he hadn’t anticipated that Kanae would take one of them.
This wasn’t like her…He was surprised she would do something like this. She was lucky nothing had caught fire yet…
Kanae aimed the taser at a patch of her skin, the lower part of her body.
(Where her scars were-)
Realizing the urgency, he acted quickly.
Keisuke stepped forward and firmly seized her hands before she could proceed further, his voice filled with concern. "Kanae?! What are you doing?!?"
She looks up to see a confused Keisuke in her sights, and she unexpectedly gasps and laughs “Heeeeeey Keisukeeeeeeeee” She slurred her words, this concerned him further.
She was very VERY drunk.
Her body bore burn marks in several places, suggesting a potential misuse of the object for certain purposes…
“Why-“
"Was …just..*hic*..testing.*hic*..the pain..." she slurred her words as they rolled off the tongue bitterly, and being barely coherent, as she attempted to activate the taser again.
He swiftly snatched it from her grasp. "Why do you even have this?!"
Kanae giggled and continued,“You know how five *hic* round five with chair *hic* *hic* sooooooo much..”
Keisuke could barely understand her fragmented words. "What are you talking about-?"
"SHHHHHHHHHHHH," Kanae shushed him, her finger clumsily resting on his lips. "As your slave, I can't..*hic*."
Her words were increasingly incoherent, blending into jumbled thoughts and half-formed sentences.
"Kanae, please...you're not-"
“Wanna do something s’more fun, master?” She presses her breasts against his chest, with a naughty grin on her face.
Her suggestive tone and the gesture made Keisuke blush slightly, but he stood his ground, "I have work tomorrow-"
“WRONG ANSWER! “ She got even closer to his face, leaning in and licking his cheek.
Before he could respond to that gesture, she lunged at him, his face now captured in an unexpected kiss.
Keisuke noticed the distinct aroma of alcohol on her breath, a clear indication of how much she'd been drinking.
Her kiss was uncoordinated, but filled with passion. She covered his lips with hers, as her hands roamed over his body.
She was enjoying it, and he was kind of into it.
There was a certain allure he felt in this moment.
‘Idiot she wasn't in her right headspace!’
(It wouldn’t hurt to let this last a little longer would it?)
He would find this whole situation appealing if he wasn't so worried.
The intensity of their kiss, with tongues intertwined, almost made him forget the reasons he had initially hesitated. Her skill was undeniable.
As they broke apart, however, he suddenly realized something was wrong. An object missing from his hand.
She took the taser.
“AHAHAHA YOU'RE SUCH A PERV! YOU FEEL FOR THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK!” The taser crackled, producing intermittent sparks of electricity.
“Wait! That's not safe! “
“Now who gave *hic* youuuuuu the authority to..*hic* I’ve already done it..…” Her body lost balance.
Keisuke rushed to her side, panic building in his voice, "How many times did you shock yourself?!"
“Five…teen..*hic..*… is okay…Hands ... .Cold..”
Noticing the blood staining her clothes, Keisuke spotted a loosened stitch, and her breathing turned labored.
She suddenly felt dizzy and lightheaded.
“Kanae? KANAE?!?”
No sound reached her ears as she was already in a state of unconsciousness, having succumbed to exhaustion.
✦ ✦ ✦
Her back had fallen down with the chair.
All she could do was move her mouth in pain, unable to say much.
Their fluids were everywhere, it was a mess.
A disturbing scene you couldn’t look away from.
Parts of herself were still clamped onto it.
Even after the activity had ended, the vibrations still seemed to linger within her, a haunting phantom sensation in her innermost tissues.
The electrical pads and wires had fallen off her skin, each one made her feel amazing.
She couldn’t feel her body.
Everything was numb.
He had deflowered her with such aggression once again, with his actions now leaving him overwhelmed and emotionally spent.
He would likely have thought, 'Finally, it's over.' But deep down, he might have secretly wanted more, his desire for her still burning within him.
Just how he imagined it.
She played her part.
Keisuke played his.
He did so well…
W͟e͟ ͟h͟a͟v͟e͟ ͟s͟e͟e͟n͟ ͟t͟h͟e͟ ͟p͟a͟r͟t͟i͟c͟i͟p͟a͟n͟t͟s͟ ͟i͟n͟ ͟a͟c͟t͟i͟o͟n͟.͟
The modulated voice could be heard over their heavy breathing, it was so detached from them.
T͟h͟e͟ ͟l͟e͟v͟e͟l͟ ͟h͟a͟s͟ ͟b͟e͟e͟n͟ ͟c͟l͟e͟a͟r͟e͟d͟.͟
This bet was becoming more tiresome than it was worth. But she was getting better at this.
She could go at this for a long time.
Similar to how he enjoyed her pain, she enjoyed his.
One was just oblivious to the other’s true feelings.
Though back then, she didn’t like him, she was merely toying with him.
(‘Back then?’)
Though, in order to achieve her desired outcome, she had to subject herself to the same thing.
5 rounds with the girl of your choosing within the confines of an isolated game, a girl you must violate, or face a guaranteed demise at your refusal to participate.
Keisuke fell to his knees, his strength sapped and his body exhausted.
Meanwhile, Kanae gazed upward at the immaculate white ceiling above.
It was clean, much cleaner than the floor was.
A pure white space where your mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
(Now where has she had that thought before?)
…
Before she knew it, she was taken to the showers.
He carried her with such care, as if he wasn’t raping her mere seconds ago.
That part irked her. She would much rather he wasn’t so gentle.
Such a frivolous person to resist what was already there.
He carefully lowered her onto the cold shower tiles, using the wall to stabilize her.
Grabbing the cloth provided, he turned on the warm water and started cleaning away any leftover residue.
It was as if he was handling a fragile centerpiece.
She was completely naked, she couldn’t feel her muscles. The increased intensity of the shocks left her body in pain.
She couldn't help but notice how carefully he cleaned her. Each touch of his hands against her skin was like a gentle caress, and somehow it also felt progressively aggravating.
She stared at him silently, he was being extra careful around some other areas.
That didn’t matter though, those parts were already defiled after all.
Not like she minded, she was used to it. There are a lot of things you must be willing to do for your experiment.
To seize “Paradise” one must sacrifice everything they once had.
They’ve done this more times than he could recall.
She felt like it was a good time to speak, keeping up her childhood friend facade.
“I really tried hard…” She spoke.
He didn’t look up, washing the semen off her body. “Yes, you did well. I’m proud of you.”
“I was pretty pathetic wasn’t I?”
"Not at all." Keisuke turned back to face her, his gaze meeting hers as he spoke in a sincere tone, " I never took my eyes off of you at any time, Kanae. You looked beautiful.”
Her response was a forced smile, masking her true feelings. "I see, I’m glad. " she said, feigning relief, but his efforts to comfort her only served to irritate her more.
In her words, his eyes were filled with genuine kindness.
Yet, she wished he would fully give in to his carnal desires, to lose all control.
She reveled in this game, finding it immensely entertaining. But there was one aspect that puzzled her. His steadfast adherence to his morals.
She knew that breaking down his defenses would require time and patience, so she prepared to gradually chip away at his principles until he finally succumbed to his true feelings.
Once that happened, she could observe the results firsthand, witnessing the effect of her own manipulation on him in real time.
“Hey..” His sudden words caught her attention, “Are you feeling okay?”
‘Huh?? He never said that-‘
He gently took hold of her hand, his touch gentle.” I don’t know what happened but I could tell something was bothering you.”
With her facade firmly in place, she responded casually, “What do you mean Kei-Chan? I’m fine.”
“I know you never liked to talk about how you felt, but there’s no need to hold back with me. What you did today isn’t something you do every day…"
She was taken aback by his unexpected words, wondering where this was leading.
He paused, lowering his eyes.” The last thing I want is for you to hurt yourself...”
Ah, so that’s what this was about. He was worried he had caused her pain during their little game. So annoying.
She forced a light, carefree laugh reminiscent of their days as 'childhood friends.' "Don't be silly! You chose me, remember? I had to endure whatever pain came my way. Otherwise, we would’ve all died-"
“ Kanae. “ Keisuke looked at her with steadfast determination, his gaze unwavering. It made her uncomfortable.
The world around her seemed to lose focus, her head slightly dizzy.
His expression softened, “We’re not there anymore, it’s okay. It’s what you tell me all the time right?”
She stared at him, her mask slipping as he seemed to see straight through her.
"No... NO! You don’t get to say that! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! " She yelled, her voice filled with unfounded venom and hatred.
But deep down, they both knew it was a lie. They had been through so much together, shared too much to deny that they knew each other intimately.
Even without words, they could still instinctively sense each other's emotions.
The mere knowledge of their connection with one another made her nauseous.
"You think you’re so morally superior just because you still have your precious principles intact, huh?! Look at you! YOU'RE A JOKE! I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU EVEN CARE! IT WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE IF YOU DIDN'T!"
She cursed in frustration, her emotions raging out of control. She shouldn't care about this, and yet the feelings consumed her. It felt awful, so dull and revolting. He irritated her, his unwavering loyalty and kindness.
His voice interrupted her outburst. "I care because I love you."
The showers began to fill with water, but the two didn’t move.
"Aw, that's so cute! You love me, do you? THAT’S SO STUPID! YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIEND? "
Her words were a mix of anger and disgust. The only reason he felt this way was because of the brainwashing she’d done. If it weren’t for what had happened underground, if she hadn’t messed with his mind, he never would have felt this way about her.
As if she wanted a pathetic guy with some sick fetish for humiliation as her partner.
But why did she even care about such a trivial thing?
Keisuke shook his head, his expression serious. "That's not true, I love both of you. Both of you are real to me."
“ SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!!” Her fists pounded against his chest, but he didn't flinch.
“ I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU!..…” she continued to hit him, her anger and frustration boiling over, but still, he stood there, absorbing her blows without resistance.
It was foolish, so damn foolish.
“I…”She saw the familiar scars form beneath her chest. It was just a cruel, taunting dream.
She rested her head on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart against her cheek. Her voice quivered as she whispered, "I hate that you helped me... I hate that you took care of me, that you stayed with me... You were the only one that saw me... I wanted you to just... Hate me...But you never…Even after you knew the truth…You… "
The water rose higher, now up to their necks, but she didn't care.
She would rather drown than do this again.
✦ ✦ ✦
She groggily opened her eyes to find herself laid out on a soft, comfortable surface. It was Keisuke's bed.
An ironic thought crossed her mind - they had their own separate bedrooms in this apartment, yet they all gravitated towards his bed when it came down to it.
She also noticed the fresh bandages wrapped around her waist and arms..
The details of the previous night were hazy in her mind. The room spun slightly as she got up from the bed, suggesting a potential hangover.
The sunlight streaming through the closed curtains was painfully bright, but the smell of food lured her towards the kitchen.
Nemu and Keisuke were there, dishing up a full breakfast of pancakes and bacon, with fresh orange juice on the side.
Nemu cheerfully greeted Kanae with a warm smile, "Morning!"
Keisuke looked up from his cooking, offering a simple greeting of his own. “Hi.”
"Hey." Kanae took a seat at the table.
"Wait," she stared at him, "don’t you have work today?"
He shrugged nonchalantly, “ I called out, they can live without me being there for one day.”
Nemu gave her a plate of their handiwork.
“Kei-Chan taught me how to make bacon!”
Feeling exhausted, Kanae mustered up a weary smile and patted Nemu's head. "That's good."
They all sat down together and enjoyed their food, with Nemu leading the conversation to keep things lively and engaging.
Throughout the meal, Kanae silently struggled to piece together her fragmented memories from the night before. She felt incredibly unfocused and disoriented.
Once Nemu excused herself to go draw in her room, the atmosphere suddenly turned tense as they washed the dishes.
Kanae noticed that they had a lot fewer dishes than yesterday.
“Where did our glasses go?” She asked him.
He continued washing the dishes without looking up. “You broke some yesterday while drinking.”
Yea that makes sense, but what doesn’t make sense is why she would break a bunch of stuff..
“I was meaning to ask, what happened to you last night?”
She shrugged. “ Can’t remember.”
No…She recalled one thing clearly, a chilling memory that cast a dark shadow over her expression. It came with thoughts of HER.
"I think it had something to do with my mother."
Keisuke paused in his cleaning, understanding immediately what she implied. "Nightmare?"
"Most likely. I can't recollect the details, though."
With a knowing understanding, Keisuke commented, "Must have been difficult..."
“Not like that matters now.”
She leaned her head against his shoulder, a mixture of gratitude and disdain in her heart. If it weren't for what had happened, they would still despise each other, or at least part of them would. But they found ways to cope with that tension. It was all they could do.
Keisuke continued, "You accidentally reopened one of your scars. Both me and Nemu patched you up. It should heal in a few days, just don't do anything crazy.”
Her mouth twitched into a sardonic smile at the mention of ‘crazy.’
"Crazy?? What kind of person do you…” And then she remembered some parts with the taser…”Oh…”
Usually Kanae is able to compose herself in front of others. That’s the reason she was trained to be an entertainer, before of course…they needed a replacement for something else, after she ultimately betrayed the place she worked so hard to gain the trust of…
As her mind wandered towards her mother, Keisuke interrupted her thoughts, offering a different perspective.
"Look at it this way," he began, " “You handled yourself much better than I could’ve, I only got out because others pitied me.”
Her irritation flared up at his words. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better," she snapped, her voice laced with frustration. "You know I hate that."
Kanae despised the idea that others pitied her, and right now, it was the last thing she wanted to think about. The thought of needing someone else's help was ridiculous to her. She felt like a punchline, a punchline to some cosmic play.
“ Well still, you got out mostly by yourself…”
‘That was because you wouldn’t have come back for-‘
“I would’ve come back for you.” Keisuke said as if he just read her thoughts.
…
“Thanks.” She said simply, her tone holding a hint of defiance. “But I think the last thing I wanted was for you to help me.”
Keisuke laughed softly, "I would have come back regardless. I would have felt oddly compelled to."
"Speaking of oddly compelled..." she leaned back from his neck, "Did I do anything weird?" she inquired, her curiosity piqued despite her earlier indifference.
Keisuke's voice had some resignation, "Define 'weird.' “
"Did we have sex? "
He immediately replied with a weary sigh, "No, nothing like that. Come on. "
She giggled mischievously and playfully touched her chest in front of him, exuding an air of confidence. "I wouldn’t have minded. Especially for youuu~" she said with a smirk.
“ Well you did kiss me. “
“ By your demand I bet.”
“You were drunk.”
“And? That’s more thrilling for you isn’t it?”
“It’s too early for this. “
She held her mischievous grin. “Ohhhhh? But that was never a problem for you right?”
“Okay besides THAT and breaking half our supply of glass cups and shocking yourself with a taser then no nothing weird happened.”
She could tell he was holding back something, but she also knew he wasn't lying. As they finished drying the dishes, she decided to drop the subject for now.
“Fine, I’ll back off a bit, wanna go out today?”
He pondered this. “There’s a cat cafe that opened nearby, I was thinking maybe Nemu would wanna go?”
Kanae nodded in agreement. "I like that idea. I'll go get her."
“Wait Kanae..”
She stopped and turned towards him, "What is it?"
“ I love you. “
Kanae's face dropped at those heartfelt words as she moved closer, her hand gently touching his face.
He felt a rush of emotions, flustered by her touch.
In a flash, she planted a quick kiss on his cheek, followed by a light lick.
His face turned rosy red, and she chuckled, licking her lips. "You certainly do," she teased.
He responded by tenderly touching her face with his own hands. “You’re supposed to say ‘I love you too,’ you know. Don’t be stubborn."
She retorted with a playful slap on his face, her words punctuated by soft smacks. “Don’t-want-to.” She stuck out her tongue defiantly.
With a smirk, she released him, "I’m going now."
He acknowledged her announcement, slowly releasing his hold as well. "Okay."
As he watched her go, he finished tidying up.
Of course there was one weird thing that happened but he decided not to tell her, considering she was very emotionally drunk.
The previous night, when he had taken her to the bathroom to wash her in the shower, she had been inconsolably crying.
For Keisuke, it was more surprising to see her so vulnerable and heartbroken than when he first discovered her childhood friend act was a ploy for some bet in some underground facility.
It made him sad.
She was so proficient at deceiving those around her, even deceiving herself for a time.
But torture has a way of breaking anyone, no matter how immune you thought you were to it.
Both he and she were acutely aware of this harsh reality all too well.
Nevermind a few weeks of endurance, try enduring it for a few years.
You definitely won’t leave wherever you were stuck unscathed.
They didn’t…
They only got extremely lucky…
The pain was temporary but the memories lingered.
She was able to calm down after a while but it took a lot of time.
"Alright," Kanae exited the room, holding Nemu's hand. “We're ready. Let’s go.“
“Yea, let’s get going.” Keisuke affirmed, holding open the door for them.
An undercurrent of emotions lingered between them, albeit buried.
And she knew he held something back.
He and Nemu did all they could to assist Kanae.
He had tried to reassure her in her drunken delirium, while she drifted in and out of consciousness, he did the best he could for her.
But he had a feeling, that even if she didn’t completely remember it, that she heard every word of what he said last night.
Knowing that, was enough for him.
Each word he had spoken to her was sincere, for he cherished her deeply. His love for her would never waver.
Although she never explicitly articulated it, he understood that her love for him was unwavering as well.
He meant every word he said to her, after all, he loved her.
He will always love her.
And she will always love him.