Chapter Text
Dear Flapjack,
When Luz gave me this journal before she went back to the human realm, I asked her what I was supposed to use it for. She said, “Oh, you know, to write down your thoughts, memories, emotions. Whatever you feel like.” And I told her that’s dumb because that stuff is all in my head anyway, and what if someone else reads it, and how am I supposed to find time to write about my feelings in the middle of reconstructing the Boiling Isles? She shrugged and said I should hold onto it in case I change my mind.
So you may be wondering, “Hunter, what could’ve changed your mind?” And to be clear, I have not officially changed my mind yet. This still feels actively stupid. But Steve, that one ex-coven guard who’s friends with Lilith and helped the rebellion and wasn't as rude to me as most coven guards, something he said made me think that maybe this might possibly be worth doing.
Last night was Luz's last night before she had to go back home, and so we had a going away party at the Owl House. There were a bunch of people here—the people who live here (Eda, King, Luz, me...and I guess Hooty counts), plus the squad and a few other Hexside people, the (non-evil) former coven heads, and anyone else who had the time to say thanks to the human who saved the entire realm. Which apparently was most people in Bonesborough. I do not think the Owl House was build to hold that many people.
Late into the night, a round of Luz’s human card game nearly ended with Eda and Lilith fighting each other in bird-mode, Raine and Darius made everyone stop to drink some calming tea. I think Raine must’ve done one of their bard magic tricks to the tea, because everyone who was still here got all mushy and emotional. It started with Luz talking about how grateful she is to have a family and a second home here, and that got everybody else being grateful for each other. Lilith cried while thanking Eda for her forgiveness and acceptance back into her life, King cried while talking about having “the best family in the world,” Willow made me cry when she talked about how she found herself and her confidence because of her friends. You get the idea.
Steve said, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I wouldn’t be where I am without therapy.” Lilith seconded that (I didn’t realize she was in therapy, but I suppose if anyone needs it, it’s her). The two of them started talking about journaling, and Luz, who was sitting next to me, looked at me with her eyebrows raised. And look, I was not planning on saying anything. I still don’t feel comfortable being around so many people, especially the ones who mostly or only knew me as the Golden Guard. But, like I said, I’m pretty sure Raine put something in the tea, so, barely thinking I asked.
“Doesn’t it feel weird, though? Writing to no one?”
I said it way too loud. Everyone went silent and looked at me, probably because it was the first thing I’d said in an hour.
Steve scratched his chin and thought for a second. “It didn’t feel natural at first, no. But I started thinking of it as writing to an old friend, someone I lost a long time ago. I thought about what I would say to them, and that’s what I started with.”
Luz nudged me with her elbow and pointed at her heart. I elbowed her back. She didn’t have to point it out. I already knew what she—and Willow and Gus and Amity were thinking. I was already thinking it myself. I kept thinking about it the rest of the night.
I wasn’t actually gonna do it. Do this, I mean. But with Luz back home with Camila and Vee, and with King sleeping upstairs with Eda, I have this room to myself. I haven’t had a room to myself since I was still living in the castle—or really, not since you flew through my window. I was alone, and I didn't even realize it until I started talking out loud and looked beside me and you... You weren't there. Writing to you would be less pathetic than saying your name into an empty room, so, here I am.
I have to admit. It doesn’t feel as stupid now.
But, Titan, I hate it when Luz is right.
-Hunter