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Rose frowned at the comments she was scrolling through on social media. They all had the same theme, teasing her about her passion for reading and soccer. Her frown lines deepened, those were her two loves, where she felt most content and comfortable. She shifted on her feet a few times, then slipped on her shoes and locked the door behind her walking to the apartment literally next door. She needed to finally move her feet about this, see if people in her life agreed.
She paused, then decided to knock instead of use her keys to let herself in without letting her know that she was coming over.
“Hey Rose, what’s up?” Emily Sonnett asked wiping her hands on her apron as she tugged Rose in the apartment.
“Sorry, need to multi-task, the onions are going to burn. What’s up though? I didn’t hear my phone go off, did you text?” Emily continued as she turned her attention mostly back to her stove.
“Am I too obsessed with soccer?” Rose blurted out.
Emily twisted around, raising an eyebrow, “No, why?”
“Nothing. It’s stupid. I’m gonna go.” Rose started back towards the door, hunching her shoulders up by her ears like she did when she was uncomfortable.
“Hold up there Rose. Come on, tell me what’s up. It’s just me.” Emily said softening her voice halfway through.
Rose fidgeted with her sleeve while Emily looked at her before she slowly went back to her stove.
“Come on Rose, I know it’s easier for you to talk if you don’t feel like you’re under a microscope. Want to help or want to sit at the island?” Emily asked after stirring her onions around.
The chair at the island scraped against the floor.
“That’s kinda what it’s about.” Rose admitted nervously.
“I’m listening Rose.” Emily said softly.
“Am I too obsessed with soccer?” Rose asked again.
Emily turned, frowning, “I mean, no. You’re most comfortable with a book in your hands or a ball at your feet. If anyone is ever going to perfect the ability to play and read at the same time it will be you, but I don’t think it’s an obsession, it’s just you and how you navigate life.”
“But like, shouldn’t I do other things? I don’t want to do other things, but everyone makes fun of me for playing soccer and reading, like that’s all people think I am.”
“You’re so much more than that, you and I both know that. You’re smart, and funny, and a pain in the ass, but so kind at the same time. So what if people know you love reading and soccer, that’s true, those are both major parts of your life. What else is it?” Emily pushed gently.
“I’m going to be 30 this year and I’ve… well, I’ve never done anything but soccer. I don’t want to be 40 and retired and have nothing. I don’t want to be an analyst or a commentator or a coach, I just want to play, and what am I going to do when I can’t play?” To Rose’s horror, tears slid down her cheeks and her voice cracked.
“Rosie…” Emily started softly, “I know you love playing, it’s your whole career, and the idea of not playing is awful, I know that too, but just because you have to retire one day doesn’t mean it’s over. If you don’t want to do soccer things because you can’t play, that’s ok, you’d be so close to the thing you love, but the torture of not being able to do it has to be just that, torture. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have anything, you’ll develop a new passion with the time you find yourself having. It won’t be the same, but you’re not going to retire and shrivel into a hermit darlin.”
Rose huffed at the southern term of endearment, knowing Emily tossed it in there so she could try to do something other than cry.
“I’ve never even seriously thought about having a family or dating or anything. I…I don’t want to wake up and find I’ve missed everything. I don’t even know where to start.” Rose added embarrassed.
Emily carefully set her spoon down after a few minutes. Rose knew she was thinking hard about her words by the way every movement was punctuated.
“Ok, so why are you thinking about it now? Is there someone you’ve started thinking about like that?” Emily asked carefully leaning against the island across from her.
Rose opened her mouth and then closed it again. Her mind flashed back to the comments. There were three themes: soccer, books, Emily. Had she been that blind the whole time? There were whole analyses and arguments in the comments about her and Emily and the state of their relationship. Videos slowing down and examining their interactions, picking apart how Emily was so clearly in love with her and Rose was so oblivious.
“Um, I, I don’t, there were some comments, that um, made me think about some things. I… I had thought about them before, but kind of wrote it off while playing…And I don’t know if I was wrong to do that.” Rose felt like her skin was going to melt off her body. She needed it to stop touching her before she hyperventilated.
Emily seemed to notice her distress and walked around the island and stood in front of her. Rose swallowed nervously, way too loud when the only other sound was the slow simmer of whatever Emily was making. Emily tugged Rose gently out of her seat and wrapped her in her arms. Her skin, a moment ago about to melt off, calmed down with the rest of her as she instead melted into the safety of Emily’s arms.
“Emily?”
Emily hummed a sigh, “Rosie, anyone who has ever considered you like that and has had you turn them down should know two things: one, your first love is always going to be soccer, but you might love Wilma more, and two, if they really knew you than they’d know to wait for the chance.”
Rose giggled at the first one but stilled at the second.
“Do you really think there are people waiting for me like that?” Rose decided to ask acutely aware of the gentle way Emily was playing with her hair and how she’d yanked her right out of the start of a panic attack with the ease of someone with a lot of practice. Which of course, Emily had a lot of practice.
“Oh, there is a line Rosie.” Emily laughed once, but it wasn’t funny, it was hollow.
“Who is in line?” Rose asked.
Emily was silent for a long while, just holding her. Rose tucked herself tighter into Emily’s arms and felt the shuddering breaths Emily was trying to hide from her. How had she missed this? Of course she loved Emily. She moved to Gotham to play with her. She roomed with her everywhere they went for national and club and awards and anything else. She had a key to her apartment, her condo in DC, her parents’ house in Atlanta. And Emily had a key to hers too. Emily who made her dinner and who drove her around even though she hated driving. Emily who held her hand when she had to do grueling and painful physical therapy, whose hand Rose had held right back when Emily had gotten hurt and the situation was flipped.
“I feel kinda stupid that there’s a line and I didn’t know it. How do you know there’s a line Em?” Rose asked again when the timer to the stove went off and Emily turned to it.
“Don’t feel stupid Rosie. They’re hiding it from you until you’re ready to add that to your plate.”
“But I don’t want to add anyone new. I already have everyone I need.” Rose said.
Emily’s shoulders tightened.
“Ok, maybe I said that wrong, if there is a line, I already know who I plan to spend the rest of my life with. I just was too stupid too realize it until my stupid therapist practically shouted at me and then the internet agreed and then I had to do some self-realization because how could I not realize that this love was different?”
Rose wasn’t sure Emily was breathing anymore. Emily braced her hands against the counter and looked up at the ceiling. She wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve and Rose felt her feet move and saw her hands take hold of Emily and turn her to see the evidence of tears sliding down her cheeks.
“Emily…” Rose started softly.
“I’m fine. Sorry. It’s, it’s just the onions. Got a face full of steamed onion. Silly me. So, who am I helping you tell your feelings too?” Emily asked again rubbing aggressively at her eyes.
Rose frowned and grabbed a clean dishtowel and ran it under the water before gently wiping Emily’s tears.
“Why do you think I need help?” Rose asked frowning.
“Isn’t that why you’re here? You want me to be your wing-woman?” Emily asked, her voice only cracked a little.
Rose stared up at her a moment, taking in the clear mountain of damage she’d done by having her head in a book and a ball at her feet and never thinking past friendly love for Emily when she took care of…everything.
“No.” Rose said softly, and Emily cocked her head.
Rose shuffled her feet, and turned to the pot on the stove, poking at its contents with the spoon.
“You were making French Onion Chicken without me?” Rose demanded, effectively changing the subject for a moment.
“I was going to bring you a bowl when it was done Rosie, I promise.”
“Why?” Rose pressed, finding her way back to her real purpose.
“It’s one of your favorites.” Emily said confused.
“I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time and I don’t know how I didn’t know.” The words tumbled out of Rose’s mouth the second she started looking up at Emily.
Emily’s mouth fell open and fresh tears slipped out of her eyes and she blinked hard to clear them. Rose reached back up with the towel.
“What?” Emily squeaked.
“I love you Em. It’s taken me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that for what it is, but I love you, and I think I may have always loved you. I thought it was friendly, and it was, but at some point it merged into not being wanting to ever be without you and then um my therapist may have actually thrown confetti when I told her that I wanted to kiss you. And then the internet made me feel stupid again and now I’m standing here trying to not run from the awkwardness that I’m made of because I don’t want to be without you. And I…I really hope I haven’t fucked everything up and that you feel the same way.” Rose squeaked out the ending, fear and anxiety fighting to overcome her bravery.
Emily stepped into her space and gently placed a hand on her cheek, stroking her thumb across her softly, “You’re really ready.” Emily said in what sounded like awe.
“I think I am.” Rose agreed quietly.
A slow smile started over taking the shock on Emily’s face, and soon Emily was beaming and Rose realized she was too.
“I’d really like to kiss you now, is that alright?” Emily asked searching Rose’s eyes.
“Yeah, I’d really like that.” Rose was surprised at her own sureness.
The few seconds hung in the air as Emily moved in then paused just centimeters away and Rose closed the distance. All the noise slipped away, all the nerves melted, Emily’s lips were soft and gentle, and tasted slightly of salty tears. When Emily broke the kiss, after several more soft ones, Rose stepped into her arms, burying herself in the comfort of her embrace.
“I can’t believe this is real. Is this really real?” Emily asked.
“Yeah, I’m so sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”
“Don’t ever be sorry, you’re worth the wait. I love you too Rose. And I have for a very long time. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks Em. For…everything. Really. I’m not going to be oblivious anymore.” That got a laugh out of Emily who pressed a kiss to her hair.
“Anything for you Rosie. Also, dinner is done if you’re hungry.”
“Did you get the good cheese?”
“Did I get the good cheese? Who do you think I am?” Emily demanded with mock offense.
“Hmmm, the love of my life apparently.” Rose said half teasing, half serious.
“Well, yeah, I hope so, you’re the love of mine. Even if Wilma wins out over me, I get it.”
“Bagel wins over me!” Rose reminded her.
Emily only laughed, pulling back to kiss her properly again.
“God, I can’t believe I missed years of this.” Rose murmured against her lips.
“Plenty of years to go, don’t you worry.” Emily murmured back.