Chapter Text
Sonia is crying too hard to stop. Her small body is hunched up, her arms gripping her knees, her face hidden in the skirt of her sarong. She doesn’t seem to notice Maryam’s arms around her but at least she hasn’t pushed them away yet.
Sonia cries whenever the lights in the cabin go off. It’s not a real cabin; they’ve had to partition the cargo hold to fit all the galactic deportees in.
So the lights are cheap motion sensors. Whenever they go to sleep, the lights switch off. Then Sonia wakes up in the dark and starts crying again.
They are six days out from Barrayar and another eleven before they dock at Komarr station. Eleven days before Maryam can ask about Xav or get a real doctor to look at Sonia.
Maryam knows that she should be grateful that she and the girls are on the freighter and not interned “for her own safety” back on Barrayar. It wouldn’t have taken the Cetagandans very much longer to connect Maryam N’Dour, Betan citizen and trade attaché with Princess Xav Vorbarra . But she’s too exhausted and too worried about Xav and the girls to be grateful. She wonders where Xav is and whether she will ever see him again.
Sonia’s sobs are dry and mostly hiccups now. Maryam rocks her daughter gently and the little girl falls asleep again, her face still streaked with tears and snot. She doesn’t want to move to get tissues and risk waking Sonia but Olivia goes to get them without waiting to be asked and gently cleans her baby sister’s face.
Olivia almost worries her more than Sonia. At least she knows what Sonia is feeling. But Olivia barely talks to her; she doesn’t even seem to be in the same room most of the time. Olivia has always been quieter than the other girls around her –at least she had been quiet until she discovered horses; but she had never been like this.
If it wasn’t for Svetlana, she wouldn’t know anything about how she and the girls got across the Cetagandan lines. And she has a pretty good idea that Svetlana has edited a lot out, although the bits that she knows about are bad enough. Svetlana has nightmares too although she sleeps quietly enough now on the other pallet. Only Olivia is locked in silence, sleeping or waking.
Olivia has finished wiping Sonia’s face. There isn’t really room on the narrow pallet for three but Olivia snuggles into her side in a way that she hasn’t done since she was a much younger child. Carefully, Maryam swaps Sonia on to one arm so that she can put the other arm around Olivia for a moment. It seems little enough but at least it’s something she can do.