Chapter Text
Orm's pov
- HAPPY NEW YEAR! - We all shout and I take my arms off Kate's waist to clap.
I hear several voices saying goodbye to Ling and me, as we wave and leave the cameras. We had an appointment at the Ch3 building today and decided to drop in for a moment on the live stream they were doing.
I look around for my partner and see that she's already right in front of me, turning around in the corridor, completely out of my sight.
- Orm? - I turn around and see that it's Kate calling me. She's one of the actresses who will be cast in Only You. - Are you busy? Can we shoot a video for TikTok?
- Yeess. - I say excitedly. I've known Kate for a while. As well as being a good actress, she's a good friend.
We walk to a quiet room and in a few minutes we've recorded a trend that's been a hit on TikTok. She thanks me and I walk back to the dressing room I share with Ling to look for her.
When I get close, I see that the door is ajar and she's talking to someone on the phone. I stand outside trying to listen to the conversation like an idiot, but I can't help myself.
- Yes... Sorry about the time. I really need to see you. - What? Who's she talking to? - Right now? All right, I'll come over. - My heart's racing, where is she going? - I know that. - She laughs. - You're the only man there, I won't have any trouble finding you. - A man? Ling is going to meet a man? Is it the... No. There's no way she'd do that to me. - See you soon, bye.
I try to pull myself together and open the door, entering the room. She turns back as she puts her cell phone in her pocket and holds her bag in her hands.
- Are you leaving already? - I ask, trying to look disinterested.
- Yes. - Unnecessarily dry.
- Are you going somewhere?
- I'm going home. - Liar. - See you. - She walks past me and I see that she's walking in quick, broad strides, as if she can't be late.
I sit down on the sofa and throw my arms over my head, thinking about everything that has just happened. Why is Ling lying to me? Why didn't she tell me she was going to meet a man? Who is this man? Why does she have to go and see him at this hour?
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Lingling's pov
I thank God internally when I finally leave the Ch3 building and get into my car, giving the address to my driver. Fortunately, the traffic isn't too heavy and I manage to reach my destination in a few minutes. I ask the driver to wait for me and I get out of the car, heading towards the floor of the only man who works in the building. When I get to the living room, I sit down on the sofa and resist the temptation to look at social media. Instead, I turn off my cell phone and put it in my bag.
About 40 minutes later, I see the door open and an elegant woman walks out. She greets me briefly and heads for the exit, leaving Paul, my therapist, in sight. He looks at me and motions for me to come in.
Paul was the first therapist I visited when I moved to Bangkok and started working as an actress. When the recordings and the routine intensified, I started to have some issues related to my mental health and even thought about giving up my career, but then I started going to therapy. Dew referred me to Paul because he is American and spoke English, which was the only way I could communicate at the time, and I've been seeing him regularly ever since. I don't manage to do as many sessions as I'd like and I've never told anyone, apart from Dew, that I'm in therapy. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, but because it's something personal that I don't want people to know about.
- Sorry to call you at the last minute... Thank you for seeing me. - I say as soon as I sit down on the sofa and he sits down in the armchair opposite me.
He stays silent and just nods, as if to say that everything is fine.
- So... It's been a while since I've been here and I'm really trying to find space in my schedule to come every week... - I clasp my hands together and look at the window. I notice that it's already getting dark. - So... Last time I told you that I was trying to understand my feelings for Orm after she went out with that friend... Well, she said she was just a friend, so I believed her. And everything's been fine ever since. But I still feel confused. Not about my feelings for her, that's already clear. But about her feelings for me. - I take a deep breath before continuing. - I don't know, sometimes she seems to only have eyes for me, she seems to be willing to live a life with me... But at other times... She makes it clear who she is: a 22-year-old girl who needs to meet other people. And relate to them. I can't stop that. I can't be selfish. Just because I like her and I'm old enough to have a serious relationship doesn't mean she has to do the same. - I look at him, waiting for some reaction or comment that doesn't come.
I keep my silence for a few minutes, looking at my own hands, feeling that someone is squeezing my heart as hard as they can.
- You seem very distressed about this. - Paul says after a while and I look at him wanting to cry.
- Yes... I just wanted answers, certainty. - I feel the tears slowly trickling down my cheeks. He holds out the box of tissues and I take one. - I was so determined not to fall in love with anyone until I'd built my career, then suddenly she came along and turned everything upside down.
- Ling, I think it's interesting how you see things. But we don't always have to look at everything from just one angle. - I know what he's talking about and that's something I've carried with me for many years. Paul thinks I'm controlling and under control. That's what he said to me a while ago, and he added that it's a dangerous mix. - Have you ever thought about talking to Orm about the way you feel?
- I can't do that. We have a series at stake. We have events, fans, our careers and people who depend on us. I can't ruin everything.
- Ruin everything?
- Yes. If Orm doesn't reciprocate my feelings, there will be a strange, tense atmosphere between us and everyone will notice. On the other hand, if it's reciprocated, I'll be tying a 22-year-old girl to me. I'll be selfish in both cases.
- Again, you have an interesting way of looking at things.
- Maybe. - Now I've stopped crying and gone back to being as rational as I've always been. - The fact is: the best decision to make is to leave things as they are and put up with Orm's flirting. One day this feeling will go away. It's only a matter of time.
I see Paul looking at his watch and realize that this is my cue to leave. I apologize again for coming at the last minute and get up from the sofa. When Paul opens the door for me, he calls out to me before I leave.
- Ling. Try to come back next week. I'll book your time. - I nod to him, indicating that I will try to do so.
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Orm's pov
- You're going to puncture the floor of the car. - I hear Mae saying in the driver's seat as I tap my foot relentlessly on the floorboard. - Are you stressed about Ling? - I told her what I heard Ling saying on the phone and she just shrugged, as if it was nothing. - Orm, you don't even know who it was and you're already jumping to conclusions. You haven't even spoken to her.
- Of course I didn't. I sent her three hundred messages and she didn't even receive them. She hung up the phone, Mom. She doesn't want to be disturbed. Least of all by me.
- All right, she must be busy or...
- Oh, I wonder how busy she is.
- Orm. Stop that. - Mae scolds me. - Don't talk like that, you know Ling better than anyone.
I snort in frustration and jealousy. I know we have nothing and that she's free to meet whoever she wants, but I don't want to. Ling is mine and I'm not willing to share. I check my phone again and there's nothing from her. When Mae parks in front of our house, I crawl out of the car, completely stunned and annoyed by the control I wish I had over her, but I don't.
As I walk into my room, I double-check the messages I've sent to Ling and now they've been delivered. I squeeze my cell phone between my fingers, trying to hold back the urge to send another message. I leave the messaging chat open and pace back and forth.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I decided to grab my shoes and car keys, heading for the door. I pass Mae who is in the living room talking to Papa and ignore her when she asks where I'm going. She knows very well where I'm going.
I park in front of Ling's house 20 minutes later and wait until my thoughts calm down. Which doesn't happen, so I simply get out of the car and walk towards the door, pressing the doorbell incessantly. I don't care if she's with someone and I'm in the way. I need to talk to her now.
I hear footsteps towards the door and see the peephole go dark. Ling opens the door and I notice that she's wearing the same clothes she wore earlier. Even her hair is still braided. She hasn't even showered or changed, which means she's only just arrived. Damn it, where was she?
- What are you doing here, Orm? - She seems really surprised.
- You came home at that time and haven't changed since? That's strange. - I sounded more sarcastic than I would have liked.
- I had to sort something out first. What do you need? - So far she hasn't invited me in.
- Where were you, Ling? Who did you go out with? - She looks at me totally lost and scared. - Yeah, I heard you talking on the phone. Did you went to meet...
- No! That's not what you're thinking.
- Then tell me where you were and with whom! - I demand, totally flustered.
- Why? Why do I have to tell you these things? I don't owe you any satisfaction, if you can do what you want then so can I! - She's as upset as I am.
- Because you're mine! And I won't let anyone take you away from me! - I attack her lips before she can say anything.
Her hands go to my waist and I hold her face, leading us into the house. I hear the door shut behind me and Ling presses me against it. I trail my kisses down her neck and see her sigh.
- You're still going to drive me crazy. - She says against my ear.
- That's my intention. - I say, before kissing her lips again with force, desire and anger.