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Something was humming in the back of his mind. It stayed there, burrowed into the base of his skull as if it had slipped up through his pillow. Quite the narrow opportunity as Viktor had not gotten a lick of sleep in what felt like ages. Which was also why he failed to notice the humming. It had become as familiar as the sound of his own rattling breath. He didn’t even quite notice when it began. It had started so soft and crescendoed seamlessly until almost everything Viktor heard was muffled by this humming.
The humming turned to buzzing. Recently, it felt like all of his joints were electrified. He had to put far more weight on his crutch yet moved with a swiftness unfamiliar to him within the past few years. Viktor would never admit that his pain had accelerated, especially at a time like his time with Jayce. Never would he associate his tightening joints and shallow breath with someone who made him feel so alive.
So this combined droning that muted everything around him and refusal to link good and bad together drew Viktor further and further from Jayce. He had not spoken with him in days. But how could he worry about that when he had things to do. He had things to do. Jayce had things to do.
What did he have to do?
Viktor was seated in the lab, uncomfortably slouched in his chair, arm hanging over his crutch. His eyes did not move. The buzzing had been accompanied by soft whispers today. Small notes of voices that Viktor could not make out. The way they spoke so hushed did not sound urgent. Whatever they were calling out, Viktor knew it was for him to chase, not to let come to him. If he took his eyes off the Hexcore for too long, the whispers would cease, leaving him with only humming. The humming had become Viktor’s new silence, and he could not bear to be alone with just silence.
The glow before him pulsed slowly. It almost seemed to hold a melody. It twisted in ways that were unknown to the scientist. It danced, something also unknown to the scientist. This new dance was nothing like Jayce had tried to show him at the galas Viktor despised attending. This new dance seemed like something he could learn. His eyes moved along with the core’s welcoming motions. He didn’t feel afraid to follow along with this.
Slowly, he lifted his hand. It trembled from the buzzing coursing through seemingly all of his veins. It almost moved on its own. Viktor carefully moved closer and closer, as if approaching an animal. Those whispers grew louder the closer he came. The glow reached to him. It wanted to meet him, to dance with him. He wanted to welcome this dance he had yet to learn.
“You… You must be patient with me,” Viktor murmured in an apologetic tone. He figured asking for forgiveness before this mutual sway would help his chances in case he tripped over his own feet. It was an apology he was familiar with. Something familiar would help him as he reached further and further into uncharted territories.
The soft song urged him to stop just as his fingertips were inches from the mysteriously metal surface. He stopped immediately, fingers shaking and breath following suit. Viktor wanted nothing more than to feel it. So rare was it to experience a new sensation. But he could not disobey what the core had trilled to him. This dance was best taken slow.
Viktor began to languidly sway his hand to the left and to the right. It was clumsy as his fingers jerked at the soft jolts of what felt like electricity. But it seemed to entrance the core since it began to sway with him. The humming was louder. It encouraged the both of them. How nice was it to learn something new with something new.
A smile tugged at Viktor’s lips. He even felt a soft chuckle start to grow within him.
“Yes, that’s it,” he whispered, both to himself and to his partner in this experimental waltz. The humming seemed to change tone with every sway of his hand. Soft chords began to form. A song was forming and Viktor found himself beginning to sing along. His breath rasped in his throat, taking on the faint tone of a whistle. The core rasped back, harmonizing.
He raised his hand experimentally, improvising the dance they had been doing, hoping that this tentative lead would be followed. It was. The core rose up, buzzing changing in pitch once again to something higher, something sweeter. It made the humming spread from Viktor’s head to the edges of his face. It crept along his jaw and snuck down towards his brow. It sung from where his spine met his skull and traveled up his throat. It tasted sweet.
He swayed his hand up and down. He began to mix in slow twirls of his ever-shaking fingers, creating a tempo as if he was an orchestra conductor. But Viktor was far from conducting. These movements were urged by the song between himself and the core. He felt like he didn’t need to think of their next steps since whatever invisible matter between them was taking the lead for the two of them. Everything felt so easy.
The song felt so warm. Viktor had not felt this warm in quite a while. He wished he had, but the rush he was feeling now was enough to push all that longing behind him. What was before him seemed to be all that mattered. It was all that he could comprehend. The growing song was addicting. He needed to hear more, but there was only so many melodies being drawn out by the this lack of contact. What sort of melody would be created if Viktor were to move his hand just barely and touch the Hexcore? Something beautiful. He was sure of it. He was so sure that he began to move.
Instantly, the harmonies turned to a screech and their dance came to a horrific halt. Viktor yanked his hand away as if it was set on fire. The Hexcore let out a shrill and shrunk away. With that halt, the heavy air that just previously pushed Viktor forward shoved him back. The air he failed to notice lacking from his lungs rushed back in at such a speed that he had to cough, turning away from the desk and doubling over. He hacked and mucus and blood dripped to the floor underneath him. And just as he gasped again, the door of the lab flung open.
The humming had morphed into a nearly unbearable hiss, masking all of his senses. Viktor didn’t even notice that Jayce’s hands were grabbing his shoulders, lifting him to sit up and blink rapidly. The edges of his vision were still tinted with a glowing purple as his partner's face came into focus before him. The look Jayce had was enough to make Viktor’s head go cold.
“Viktor? Viktor, what's wrong?”
Jayce’s voice quickly pushed away the shrill hissing that Viktor felt behind his eyes. A cool wash of fresh air brushed away the lingering fuzziness of his dangerous waltz and he finally managed to take a controlled breath.
“N-nothing’s wrong,” he rasped, reaching up with a horribly shaking hand to grab onto Jayce’s arm. The other’s warm skin was shocking. Was his own hand that cold? “I um.. I was just taking notes on… on…” Viktor trailed off and looked back to the desk. The Hexcore was still. It almost looked dead. There were no notes on the desktop.
“Notes on what?” Jayce questioned, following Viktor’s gaze and finding nothing to connect the words to. “Viktor, something’s wrong. You’re trembling. Are you sick?”
Viktor nearly pushed away Jayce’s hand as he reached up to press the back of his hand against his forehead. He hated being asked that.
“If I was sick I would not be.. working,” Viktor answered, sighing and struggling to blink without letting his eyes stay closed.
“You and I both know that’s not true,” Jayce sighed. His sigh felt like such a punch to Viktor’s stomach. Never once had he learned to take his partner's concern as something other than pity despite knowing it didn’t come from a place like that. “Come on, let’s go to the couch? Do you need water?”
Viktor reluctantly allowed himself to be lifted from the chair, weakly pushing up on his crutch. He swayed before finding his footing. He couldn’t look up to meet Jayce’s gaze.
Without an answer from Viktor, the two moved slowly to the couch that sat on the other side of their lab. It was surrounded by wilting plants and countless books. Viktor wished it didn’t hurt as he let his body sink into the cushion before leaning on Jayce’s shoulder.
“Viktor…” Jayce began before his partner finally looked up from the ground. It was obvious that he shouldn’t say any more.
“Jayce I…” Viktor began, fighting off another cough. “I want you to tell me if you hear a… buzzing. Is there a buzzing noise somewhere?”
Jayce pressed his lips in a thin line as he listened, trying to hear whatever buzzing Viktor was talking about. He wished he had heard something.
“No... No I don’t hear anything,” he answered. He could feel his stomach growing more twisted by the second.
Viktor sighed, moving his body away from Jayce’s with more effort than it should have taken. The dread of the reality before him was setting on fast enough to make him almost forget about what had happened moments ago. Already, Viktor could barely remember the melodies he was making. The loop that was playing in his head seemed to skip like a warped record. The song was slipping through his fingers and it took everything within him not to push Jayce away and trip back to the desk. He needed to hear it again.
But he couldn’t, as Jayce had reached out again and held him by the shoulders and spoke again. “Viktor, please tell me what’s going on… I’ve been worried. It feels like you haven’t talked to me in-”
“Will you dance with me, Jayce?”
His partner fell silent and tried to balance his confusion and fear. And thank whatever was surrounding them that Jayce knew to not question the request. Now wasn’t the time to.
Jayce nodded, moving to hold Viktor’s hands in his own. It was difficult not to wince at the stark difference of their temperatures. He pushed past the awful feeling in his gut. Viktor pushed past the way his knees screamed at him to stay seated. His mind fought his body back. He needed this more than easing his pain.
The two rose and Viktor heard as the humming in his mind changed pitches once again. It was not quite the beginnings of a song but it urged him up anyways. The electricity he was feeling through his limbs seemed to concentrate wherever Jayce was holding, which had changed from both his hands to only one and a new hold on his lower back. He tried not to let his breathing become too noticeable, but with the way the humming overrode most of his senses, Viktor couldn’t tell if any of his actions were noticeable or not. He simply hoped they would not pull Jayce out of his moment.
Viktor carefully reached up to place a shaking hand on Jayce’s shoulder. His other hand found it’s way under Jayce’s arm and to his upper back. He didn’t let himself hold on to the fabric of his shirt. He couldn’t grab on like that just yet. He still needed to feel like he could fall.
“D-do you want me to put on music?” Jayce asked, bringing himself closer so their foreheads were inches apart. He couldn’t choose between studying the unreadable expression on Viktor’s face or the way his eyes seemed to focus and unfocus.
“No… No music,” Viktor answered, struggling to blink again. He urged his eyes open to look up at his partner. He smiled. “Just dance with me.”
Jayce did as he was asked and very carefully began to sway them back and forth. And almost immediately, the humming in Viktor’s skull morphed into a melody.
It was different from the soundtrack to his previous dance. Different in a way that made Viktor less scared to forget the melody. This new melody was far warmer and far more familiar. He didn’t feel the need to ask for patience or forgiveness. It was new yet something he had heard so many times before. It rang in his ears, growing down his spin and into his chest. Viktor felt like he could breathe easier now that this new tune was spreading throughout him.
As they rocked from side to side, the sounds moved along the tops of Viktor’s arms and into his fingertips which finally found their grip onto Jayce’s torso. He urged the melody through them. He wished for nothing more than for Jayce to hear the buzzing within him. And in that moment, with the way Jayce looked down at his partner and recognized that whatever was happening in his arms was something he could not begin to understand, his acceptance was enough of a shared melody.
Viktor finally let his eyes close and let himself be swayed. Jayce’s body filling and draining with focused breath matched the rhythm that urged Viktor onwards. Without making the conscious decision, the song unfurled from his throat and danced its way out as a gentle hum. No sound was more important to the two of them in that moment. And it went on and on, for minutes or hours. They stood and swayed, Viktor translating the humming from his head to something that his partner could listen to and learn. And after however much time had past, the melody from the Hexcore was gone from his memory. All that mattered was the dance they were sharing. It was sweeter. It felt far more familiar. It was welcoming in a way he had not experienced. In a way that sang about safety, about warmth, about love. Viktor, despite being so nearly consumed just previously, came to understand that this dance was the one he needed. It wasn’t quite the one he craved, but he understood that craving came from a dark place. And how could that craving compete with the sweet song of his Jayce.